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46 pages, ebook
First published January 1, 1991
Dear Adrian Mole,
Have you gone off your head, boy? You clogged my fax machine up for eight solid hours. You do not fax 739 pages of manuscript. You parcel it up nicely and send it through the post.
Either you or my fax seems to have gobbled up the vowels of your novel, Lo! the Flat Hills of My Homeland. Your manuscript is awash with consonants, but vowels are very thin on the ground, thin to the point of non-existence. You expect a thousand pounds! This made me laugh quite a lot.
I do not adapt plays, my role at the BBC is Head of Drama. I dictate policy and encourage new writing etc. If you wantyour voweless novel adapting, you must do it yourself.
Yours (but only just)
John Tydeman
PS I am going to Australia. I shall be gone for some time.
Mr Patel left, but not before I had cancelled the majority of our magazines and papers: the Spectator, the Economist, the Listener, Body Builder, The Stage, Punch, Vogue, Elle, Fast Car, the Guardian, the Sun, the Daily Mail, Interiors. They have all gone. We are left with the Independent, the Mirror, the London Review of Books, Viz and Private Eye. Pandora agreed to read Marxism Today, Interiors and Vogue in W. H. Smith.