Tales from the Fatherland: Two Dads, One Adoption and the Meaning of Parenthood

by Ben Fergusson

A pause. 'Ah, Herr Fergusson. It's Frau Schwenk.' Our social worker, I now understood. 'Thank you for getting back to me. I'm calling because we have a little boy, four weeks old, who needs a family.'

In 2018, after the introduction of marriage equality in Germany, Ben Fergusson and his German husband Tom became one of the first same-sex married couples to adopt in the country. In Tales from the Fatherland Fergusson reflects on his long journey to fatherhood and the social changes that enabled it. He uses his outsider status as both a gay father and a parent adopting in a foreign country to explore the history and sociology of fatherhood and motherhood around the world, queer parenting and adoption and, ultimately, the meaning of family and love.

Tales from the Fatherland makes an impassioned case for the value of diversity in family life, arguing that diverse families are good for all families and that misogyny lies at the heart of many of the struggles of straight and queer families alike.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, LGBT, Memoir, Queer

352 pages, Hardcover

Published July 7, 2022

About the author

Ben Fergusson is an award-winning writer and translator. He was born in Southampton in 1980 and grew up near Didcot in Oxfordshire. He studied English Literature at Warwick University and Modern Languages at Bristol University and has worked as an editor, translator and publisher in London and Berlin. He currently teaches creative writing in Berlin and is a doctoral researcher at the University of East Anglia.

​Ben's debut novel, The Spring of Kasper Meier, won the 2015 Betty Trask Prize for an outstanding debut novel by a writer under 35 and the HWA Debut Crown 2015 for the best historical fiction debut of the year. It was also shortlisted for The Sunday Times Young Writer of the Year Award and longlisted for the Authors' Club Best First Novel Award, while being selected for the Waterstone’s Book Club, WHSmith Fresh Talent and the BBC Radio 2 Book Club.

The second and third books in Ben's Berlin trilogy are The Other Hoffmann Sister, published in 2017, and An Honest Man, published in 2019, which was selected by The Sunday Times, the TLS and the Financial Times as one of the best books of the year. In 2022, he will publish his first book of non-fiction, Tales from the Fatherland, an exploration of same-sex parenthood.

Ben's short fiction has been twice longlisted for the BBC National Short Story Award and twice shortlisted for the Bridport Prize, and in 2020 he won the Seán O'Faoláin International Short Story Prize for his story 'A Navigable River'. He has translated numerous essays, poems and short stories from German for publishers internationally, including texts by Daniel Kehlmann, Alain Claude Sulzer, Byung-Chul Han and Antja Wagner and in 2020 won a Stephen Spender Prize for poetry in translation.

Reviews

[Jessica Macdonald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easily my personal favourite non-fiction book of the year. I went into this expecting to learn about the process and emotions of adopting a child in Germany as a gay couple but I learnt so much more. There were fascinating snippets about German culture, discussions of the breakdown of labor in heterosexual parenting couples, discussion of ageing parents, discussion of coping with friend-loss when they have a baby and then far more beyond that. It was written in such an accessible way with brilliant moments of humour dotted throughout. I was captivated by every word and would thoroughly recommend this to everyone!

[Gochrisgo · Rating 4 out of 5]

A rare gift - a contemporary look at two gay men adopting a young child. The book manages to be memoir with analysis and cultural criticism. I wish gay dads like me had more resources like this book. I underlined something on nearly every page. It’s wonderfully warm and comforting to read a book that sees me like I do and doesn’t need to be translated in my head.

[JANANI · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was expecting to read about the process of adoption and parenting but this book is about so much more. Definitely makes me reflect on parenting in general. A must read.

[Sasha Vieru · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one is special. I found “Tales from the Fatherland” in Berlin. I love that city. And I love queer literature. And when combined – even better. When I travel – I always look for those. In my mind, this is how I not only educate myself but also support my queer brothers, sisters and everyone in between or outside of the gender spectrum.

In “Tales from the Fatherland” Ben Fergusson talks about his journey to fatherhood and the social changes that enabled it. Ben is from the UK and now lives with his husband in Berlin. He uses his outsider status as both a gay father and a parent adopting in a foreign country to explore the history and sociology of fatherhood and motherhood around the world, queer parenting and adoption and, ultimately, the meaning of family and love.

We look at the negative impact of that “perfect” nuclear family image not only on same-sex families but everyone! Specifically, towards women and society’s unhealthy expectations of mothers. Ben calls out gender norms, culture and even himself sometimes. And he does it in a comforting way, letting us not only learn something but also laugh a bit along the way.

It is a special book because I wasn’t thinking that a conversation about having kids isn’t possible for me. There were no examples of happy queer couples. The only thing you could be as a gay guy was a fashion advisor to your girlfriend or a freak at the club. That was all we got in media. Oh yes, and also very often villains had some queer vibe about them. But parents? Are you joking?

Ben Ferguson’s story proves how every single word, book, movie, vote and action can bring happiness to someone we might not even know. And vice versa. Once I received a message from a person, telling me to “tone it down” and asking if “Moldova is worth fighting for” when it comes to LGBT+ rights. Yes. The tiniest shift of circumstance can make things happen or disappear.

[E · Rating 4 out of 5]

An absorbing dive into both modern adoption and they ways in which being one of Germany's first legally recognized gay fathers enlightens the author to the inequality of the "traditional" family model most couples experience. The style flows as an open, honest, unpretentious memoir, but it is jam-packed with sociological facts and figures that lay bare just how complex our world of starting families really is.

[✰matthew✰ · Rating 4 out of 5]

i found this book was so much more than i was expecting it to be. from reading the blurb i thought we’d be hearing purely about the families adoption experience.

a lot was discussed in this book, including the adoption experience but also delving more deeply into families, parenting, growing up, the systems and society in germany and queer culture.

i found the differences between government systems and society in germany to the uk to be particularly interesting.

[Sam Kearney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great read.
I was expecting the highs and lows of the adoption process but instead I was met with a gay narrative with a strong feminist lean.
Rightly or wrongly, I was surprised and impressed by this. I loved the reframing of the nuclear family and enjoyed the humour in parts.

[Anne-Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this moving and thoughtful with some very on the nose observations of German-ness thrown in

[James Boolds · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovely non fiction by one of my favourite authors. Informative and thought provoking for anyone starting a non-traditional family.

[Inspiredbypmdd Fiona · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting read and nice to see how times have changed and same sex couples can adopt children who need loving parents. Love is love, I grew up in Germany, thats why the title spoke to me.

[Fiona Turnbull · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very much read as academic sociology book and not the type of memoir style book I was expecting. And because the author is gay he seems to allows himself to use the word Queer throughout book. I feel that if someone else were to use the word Queer we would be called a homophobe.

[Stacey · Rating 4 out of 5]

An incredibly insightful book about parenthood, sexuality, identity and culture. I was expecting this to be just about the process of adopting as a gay couple but it was far more than that. I learnt a lot about society and culture from this book and as a single childless woman, I really appreciated how both parents and non-parents were considered and addressed. A really informative, insightful and well-researched book.