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Unprotected: A Memoir
From the incomparable Emmy, Grammy, and Tony Award winner, a powerful and revealing autobiography about race, sexuality, art, and healing
It’s easy to be yourself when who and what you are is in vogue. But growing up Black and gay in America has never been easy. Before Billy Porter was slaying red carpets and giving an iconic Emmy-winning performance in the celebrated TV show Pose; before he was the groundbreaking Tony and Grammy Award-winning star of Broadway’s Kinky Boots; and before he was an acclaimed recording artist, actor, playwright, director, and all-around legend, Porter was a young boy in Pittsburgh who was seen as different, who didn’t fit in. At five years old, Porter was sent to therapy to “fix” his effeminacy. He was endlessly bullied at school, sexually abused by his stepfather, and criticized at his church. Porter came of age in a world where simply being himself was a constant struggle.
Billy Porter’s Unprotected is the life story of a singular artist and survivor in his own words. It is the story of a boy whose talent and courage opened doors for him, but only a crack. It is the story of a teenager discovering himself, learning his voice and his craft amidst deep trauma. And it is the story of a young man whose unbreakable determination led him through countless hard times to where he is now; a proud icon who refuses to back down or hide. Porter is a multitalented, multifaceted treasure at the top of his game, and Unprotected is a resonant, inspirational story of trauma and healing, shot through with his singular voice.
It’s easy to be yourself when who and what you are is in vogue. But growing up Black and gay in America has never been easy. Before Billy Porter was slaying red carpets and giving an iconic Emmy-winning performance in the celebrated TV show Pose; before he was the groundbreaking Tony and Grammy Award-winning star of Broadway’s Kinky Boots; and before he was an acclaimed recording artist, actor, playwright, director, and all-around legend, Porter was a young boy in Pittsburgh who was seen as different, who didn’t fit in. At five years old, Porter was sent to therapy to “fix” his effeminacy. He was endlessly bullied at school, sexually abused by his stepfather, and criticized at his church. Porter came of age in a world where simply being himself was a constant struggle.
Billy Porter’s Unprotected is the life story of a singular artist and survivor in his own words. It is the story of a boy whose talent and courage opened doors for him, but only a crack. It is the story of a teenager discovering himself, learning his voice and his craft amidst deep trauma. And it is the story of a young man whose unbreakable determination led him through countless hard times to where he is now; a proud icon who refuses to back down or hide. Porter is a multitalented, multifaceted treasure at the top of his game, and Unprotected is a resonant, inspirational story of trauma and healing, shot through with his singular voice.
Audiobook
First published October 19, 2021
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,374 reviews
June 5, 2022
Billy Porter is the most talented, incredible person and his memoir is all that and then some. From his upbringing in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania during which he faced abuse in many forms, to discovering his natural talents in the performance arts and fighting for his place in the entertainment world, he is brutally honest about every stage in his life and about the traumas he is still working to overcome now in his 50s.
This book is full of vulnerability and strength, passion and heartbreak. His voice sings through the writing and his messages couldn't be clearer. It was an honor to read this book.
Click here to hear more of my thoughts on this book over on my Booktube channel, abookolive!
This book is full of vulnerability and strength, passion and heartbreak. His voice sings through the writing and his messages couldn't be clearer. It was an honor to read this book.
Click here to hear more of my thoughts on this book over on my Booktube channel, abookolive!
December 22, 2021
Billy is finna break my heart, I just know it <3
4% Done: A gay child and a disabled mother, I can't even fathom the cruelty. I am so happy she's alive to see him accomplish EVERYTHING and more. Makes my heart happy.
23% Done: insert every applauding meme ever made! I love how he goes from stories of his life to his internal dialogue. The things he must to do to collect himself and keep it moving. It's relatable and comforting to hear that it's not just you. Billy Porter is a treasure and I stan!
MF GASSSSSPPPPPPPPPP!
35% Done: BILLY JUST DROPPED MY FAVE GEM!
"You can't be so heavenly bound that you are no earthly good"
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
What a fun and heartbreaking book. I laughed, I cried, I cry laughed through the whole thing. What a beautiful spirit <3
4% Done: A gay child and a disabled mother, I can't even fathom the cruelty. I am so happy she's alive to see him accomplish EVERYTHING and more. Makes my heart happy.
23% Done: insert every applauding meme ever made! I love how he goes from stories of his life to his internal dialogue. The things he must to do to collect himself and keep it moving. It's relatable and comforting to hear that it's not just you. Billy Porter is a treasure and I stan!
MF GASSSSSPPPPPPPPPP!
35% Done: BILLY JUST DROPPED MY FAVE GEM!
"You can't be so heavenly bound that you are no earthly good"
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
What a fun and heartbreaking book. I laughed, I cried, I cry laughed through the whole thing. What a beautiful spirit <3
December 30, 2021
Billy’s story is incredible. The strength and determination exhibited by him as a youth is incomprehensible. Not to mention the fact that this memoir reads like a master class in assertiveness and knowing one’s worth as he moved into adulthood.
February 22, 2022
Unprotected is a memoir by Billy Porter, who did not have an easy childhood. My heart hurt for the things he went through at such a young age, however, he was also incredibly self sufficient — A planner, thinking about his future well in advance. For example, he joined specific extracurricular activities at school so he could attend the school he wanted the following year with better a theatre program.
I highly recommend the audiobook — Billy is an enthusiastic narrator and funny, despite many of the serious topics addressed in his memoir. He talks about his childhood trauma, family and church members trying to “fix” his effeminacy, losing multiple friends and mentors to the AIDS crisis, being rejected from roles for not being right (aka not white), and frustration with the US government for its gross mishandling of our current pandemic. I felt rage and sadness on his behalf for the trauma and judgment he endured. I admire his self confidence and commitment to staying true to himself, a reminder most of us can, at least occasionally, use.
While Billy’s unbreakable determination is undoubtedly inspiring, he shouldn’t have to be unbreakable when so many other actors and people, generally, are not subjected to the same criticisms. In his own words, Billy did not come to Broadway to play, he came to slay, and that he did.
I highly recommend the audiobook — Billy is an enthusiastic narrator and funny, despite many of the serious topics addressed in his memoir. He talks about his childhood trauma, family and church members trying to “fix” his effeminacy, losing multiple friends and mentors to the AIDS crisis, being rejected from roles for not being right (aka not white), and frustration with the US government for its gross mishandling of our current pandemic. I felt rage and sadness on his behalf for the trauma and judgment he endured. I admire his self confidence and commitment to staying true to himself, a reminder most of us can, at least occasionally, use.
While Billy’s unbreakable determination is undoubtedly inspiring, he shouldn’t have to be unbreakable when so many other actors and people, generally, are not subjected to the same criticisms. In his own words, Billy did not come to Broadway to play, he came to slay, and that he did.
November 9, 2021
Read this if your resolve is waning
Read Unprotected if:
-You’re tired of surviving and want to thrive and want to see how someone else did it
-If you need permission to unapologetically be you
-If you simply want to be inspired.
Read Unprotected if:
-You’re tired of surviving and want to thrive and want to see how someone else did it
-If you need permission to unapologetically be you
-If you simply want to be inspired.
October 21, 2021
Fascinating story about a fascinating man. I first discovered Billy Porter on POSE. And I’ve followed him since then and his appearances at galas are always amazing!
November 15, 2024
5/5
Koks skaudus, bet įkvepiantis, reikalingas, akis atveriantis, įvairiapusiškas pasakojimas. Apie Billy Porter žinojau tiek – ikoniškas, stilingas, velniškai talentingas ir labai man patikęs seriale „Pose“. Bet eina sau, kokia tai maža jo gyvenimo dalis. Seniai neklausiau tokio emocingo įgarsinimo – Billy išjaučia kiekvieną sakinį, jis kalbasi su klausytoju, kartais ant jo rėkia, o kartais rėkia ant viso pasaulio. Jo pasakojimus keičia vidinis monologas, jis pelnytai piktinasi – rasizmu, neteisybe, homofobija, žiauriais ir neapykantą skleidžiančiais – ypač Trumpu – nes knyga rašyta Covido metais. Jis ironiškas, jis įspūdingas, jis belekiek pasiekęs ir viską – savo sunkiu darbu ir užsispyrimu.
Čia daug Brodvėjaus užkulisių, daug meilės, daug talento ir labai daug liūdno suvokimo, kad juodaodžiui gėjui visada reikės dirbti penkiolika kartų sunkiau, nei hetero baltaodžiui. Čia daug sudėtingo santykio su šeima – prievartavusiu patėviu, labai religinga neįgalia motina, kuri labai myli – ir Billy, ir Dievą. O gėjai ir Dievas retai kada tikinčiųjų galvose eina koja kojon. Manau, kad skaitant nebūtų nė pusės tiek įspūdžio – nes čia ne tik audio knyga – čia visas autobiografinis spektaklis. Vieno žmogaus šou. Ir kaip kraujuoja man širdis už visus, kuriems šiemet išsipildė baisiausias košmaras. Antrą kartą. Kuriems bičas, kurį Billy vadina Orangina, ir toliau kelia tiek siaubingą baimę, tiek siaubingą pyktį. Ir kurių gyvenimus asmeniškai liečia.
Koks skaudus, bet įkvepiantis, reikalingas, akis atveriantis, įvairiapusiškas pasakojimas. Apie Billy Porter žinojau tiek – ikoniškas, stilingas, velniškai talentingas ir labai man patikęs seriale „Pose“. Bet eina sau, kokia tai maža jo gyvenimo dalis. Seniai neklausiau tokio emocingo įgarsinimo – Billy išjaučia kiekvieną sakinį, jis kalbasi su klausytoju, kartais ant jo rėkia, o kartais rėkia ant viso pasaulio. Jo pasakojimus keičia vidinis monologas, jis pelnytai piktinasi – rasizmu, neteisybe, homofobija, žiauriais ir neapykantą skleidžiančiais – ypač Trumpu – nes knyga rašyta Covido metais. Jis ironiškas, jis įspūdingas, jis belekiek pasiekęs ir viską – savo sunkiu darbu ir užsispyrimu.
Čia daug Brodvėjaus užkulisių, daug meilės, daug talento ir labai daug liūdno suvokimo, kad juodaodžiui gėjui visada reikės dirbti penkiolika kartų sunkiau, nei hetero baltaodžiui. Čia daug sudėtingo santykio su šeima – prievartavusiu patėviu, labai religinga neįgalia motina, kuri labai myli – ir Billy, ir Dievą. O gėjai ir Dievas retai kada tikinčiųjų galvose eina koja kojon. Manau, kad skaitant nebūtų nė pusės tiek įspūdžio – nes čia ne tik audio knyga – čia visas autobiografinis spektaklis. Vieno žmogaus šou. Ir kaip kraujuoja man širdis už visus, kuriems šiemet išsipildė baisiausias košmaras. Antrą kartą. Kuriems bičas, kurį Billy vadina Orangina, ir toliau kelia tiek siaubingą baimę, tiek siaubingą pyktį. Ir kurių gyvenimus asmeniškai liečia.
February 3, 2022
That's definitely the best book I'll read all year. There's no competition.
November 3, 2021
This book is another correctly-timed step forward in Billy Porter’s illustrious career. I’ve missed stories of people who had to hustle and fight for the success they have achieved: his desire to be authentically himself is one takeaway that resonates with me. Billy Porter is an independent, strong man: we need to protect ourselves at home, in our career, and with our hearts. There are a few issues with this book (messy editing, duplicated paragraphs, a slight lack of cohesiveness in the later chapters), but the approachability of the story and the unapologetic writing style prevented me from putting this down.
February 1, 2022
I expected better. Billy Porter is a great actor, dancer, singer - and he has the courage to be outrageous. On several occasions he has worn a custom-made dress that is beautiful, and he has worn them well. This autobiography covers so much of his life and it is a solid whine. I was never treated well, I was abused, people picked on me, only white people got the roles, etc. You name it, he was treated badly. Yes, he explains that so many people helped him, he won scholarships and others gave him free tuition. So, he gives some credit to the people who helped him but the book remains a whine. His stepfather sexually abused him and he only told his mother years later when he feared that the man would also sexually abuse his little sister. The stepfather threw him out of the house. He scraped by so many times, taking the Greyhound bus to New York for auditions and working so hard - he started acting jobs when he was in his teens to make money for special school (for talented artistic kids) - his mother was supportive some of the time but when the stepfather was in the hospital dying, she phoned Billy asking him to come visit. And, Billy's mother was a "Christian" -- I mean one who was there whenever the doors opened. Once a minister preached about him while he was sitting there. That Christian church did not allow homosexuals. (Was that what Jesus taught?) and the kid had to sit through that. He won a Tony award and a Grammy award and married a loving man. Yet he whines. I think he believes that he settles some debts in the book and outs some people but that is not the world I live in. I don't know these people.
Despite the bragging of his successes, he cannot be happy for them. He whines. The book ended up being very tiring.
Despite the bragging of his successes, he cannot be happy for them. He whines. The book ended up being very tiring.
April 28, 2022
I’ve heard so many good things about this book. But it just didn’t do it for me. I struggled to finish. It took me over two months to complete. Week after week I would pick it up, read a few pages, and put it back down. I debated about adding it to my DNF pile. But because so many people spoke so highly of it, I stuck it out hoping it would get better. Unfortunately, it didn’t.
⠀
Although Billy attempts to go all in, I think he fails in execution. He touches on many life altering moments. But just when you think the story is about to get deep, he pulls away, stops, and changes direction. I found this very frustrating.
⠀
I wouldn’t consider myself a Billy Porter fan. So I guess it didn’t help that I’ve never watched any of his television shows. I’m not familiar with his work. I chose to read the book because I wanted to understand more about the brave soul that rocked a fabulous tuxedo dress at the Oscars.
⠀
After reading this book I definitely learned more about his career. However, I wanted to learn more about the man. There was no personal life/professional life balance. The majority of the book focused heavily on his career. There was way too much talk about Broadway, teachers, school and training. These topics did not hold my attention.
⠀
Another reason I decided to read this book is because I am interested in Billy’s HIV story. I lost my oldest sister to AIDS. So I am always interested in hearing other people’s journey. But, his recount was minimal and reduced to less than one page. Again, I was left wanting more.
⠀
Overall, I found this book disappointing. Therefore, I give it 3⭐️s. Although it was a hit for most, it was a miss for me🤷🏽♀️.
⠀
FUN FACT: Did you know in 1997 Billy Porter covered the song 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘔𝘦 which was originally recorded in 1984 by Glen Jones? I had no clue! In the book he suggests we watch the video on YouTube to see how the record label tried to portray him as a straight man. I pulled up the video and was blown away to see a very different Billy Porter.
⠀
⠀
⠀
⠀
⠀
⠀
⠀
Although Billy attempts to go all in, I think he fails in execution. He touches on many life altering moments. But just when you think the story is about to get deep, he pulls away, stops, and changes direction. I found this very frustrating.
⠀
I wouldn’t consider myself a Billy Porter fan. So I guess it didn’t help that I’ve never watched any of his television shows. I’m not familiar with his work. I chose to read the book because I wanted to understand more about the brave soul that rocked a fabulous tuxedo dress at the Oscars.
⠀
After reading this book I definitely learned more about his career. However, I wanted to learn more about the man. There was no personal life/professional life balance. The majority of the book focused heavily on his career. There was way too much talk about Broadway, teachers, school and training. These topics did not hold my attention.
⠀
Another reason I decided to read this book is because I am interested in Billy’s HIV story. I lost my oldest sister to AIDS. So I am always interested in hearing other people’s journey. But, his recount was minimal and reduced to less than one page. Again, I was left wanting more.
⠀
Overall, I found this book disappointing. Therefore, I give it 3⭐️s. Although it was a hit for most, it was a miss for me🤷🏽♀️.
⠀
FUN FACT: Did you know in 1997 Billy Porter covered the song 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘔𝘦 which was originally recorded in 1984 by Glen Jones? I had no clue! In the book he suggests we watch the video on YouTube to see how the record label tried to portray him as a straight man. I pulled up the video and was blown away to see a very different Billy Porter.
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May 30, 2024
I’m so grateful to Sawyer Cole for recommending this book to me and also demanding I listen to it in audio. What a beautiful, important, and heartbreaking memoir.
January 8, 2022
Who am I to review this?! I am BOWLED OVER with admiration for this man. What a life, what a story, what a talent. An icon on and off stage, as he proves over and over again. This book broke my heart as often as it warmed it - the balancing act of searing honesty, gutwrenching vulnerability, fierce, unapologetic activism, and heartfelt humour that Billy Porter establishes here is so masterful. I loved hearing every part of his Broadway journey through the decades - as well as learned so much about the community through his incredibly valuable perspective - loved vicariously experiencing what it must feel like to sing a room into silence with an absolute showstopper (the way he could put this feeling into WORDS), and was absolutely FLOORED by his strength and fire and passion when it came to standing up for himself in all things, in so many things - seriously, an ICON. What stands out most though is the emphasis he places on love, even in the face of the cruellest hatred, on so many heartbreaking fronts. He’ll call out all wrongs done to him or others with stunning ferocity, but just as quickly acknowledge where certain wrongs have been apologized for and what actions the person who first committed them has taken to right them and do better with a celebratory, “well, work!” I love this man so much. So much power and truth and sheer triumph and healing in his words - he defs has snatched the edges on the memoir genre with this one, and OH what a gem it is. The things that can be learned here if the whole world could read this!! Highly highly recommend!!
December 22, 2021
I am so inspired by Billy Porter. I absolutely love his work. I am blown away by his story, his trauma, all the work, planning, and energy he had to expound to simply stay alive.
I wasn't so excited about his memoir. It started off very well, but as I got farther along, it felt all over the place, with too many long lists of names and distractions. Too much telling and not enough showing. I feel like it needed a better editor. I probably would have liked it more as an audiobook.
I wasn't so excited about his memoir. It started off very well, but as I got farther along, it felt all over the place, with too many long lists of names and distractions. Too much telling and not enough showing. I feel like it needed a better editor. I probably would have liked it more as an audiobook.
Want to read
August 17, 2021I’m so excited for this one! I’ve LOVED Billy since Kinky Boots!!
April 20, 2022
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Five giant stars for this mesmerizing memoir read by the author.
His success is a testimonial to the hard work and belief in himself despite all the obstacles put in his path from a very early age.
He knew from a very young age that he was different. His mother was handicapped and from the first grade on, he was bullied and called names as well as physically beaten up by some of his school mates.
He found “his tribe” in middle school in the theater arts program, where he finally won acceptance from his classmates inside that special program. He speaks of the “angels” in his life, who championed and mentored him. He talks about coming out in the late 80’s when the AIDS crisis was making national headlines. All that and so much more.
I highly recommend the audio version as I thoroughly enjoyed listening.
The 52 Book Club’s Reading Challenge - 2022
Prompt #30 - Audiobook is narrated by the author
Five giant stars for this mesmerizing memoir read by the author.
His success is a testimonial to the hard work and belief in himself despite all the obstacles put in his path from a very early age.
He knew from a very young age that he was different. His mother was handicapped and from the first grade on, he was bullied and called names as well as physically beaten up by some of his school mates.
He found “his tribe” in middle school in the theater arts program, where he finally won acceptance from his classmates inside that special program. He speaks of the “angels” in his life, who championed and mentored him. He talks about coming out in the late 80’s when the AIDS crisis was making national headlines. All that and so much more.
I highly recommend the audio version as I thoroughly enjoyed listening.
The 52 Book Club’s Reading Challenge - 2022
Prompt #30 - Audiobook is narrated by the author
March 25, 2023
So far this is very engaging, but it is also heart-breaking for me. As an African American man with a 25 year-old son who is gay and reminds me of Billy Porter, I feel like the title "Unprotected" is talking to us (African American fathers). I did everything to protect my son and embrace what he liked, his affinities, his truth. But the world is big and cruel and I know I couldn't protect him from everything. I have told my son that I am sorry for this on many occassions and I am saying I am sorry to Billy Porter as well.
October 20, 2021
Oh, Billy! The fact that you are such a bright light and force for good in this world is amazing considering all you have endured. Thank you for sharing your story, your truth, your gift. I see you and I am so glad you are starting to see a fraction of the appreciation and respect you deserve.
All I can say is everyone needs to read this memoir. And lucky for you, it came out yesterday!
All I can say is everyone needs to read this memoir. And lucky for you, it came out yesterday!
March 10, 2023
Fabulous memoir! Billy Porter made me laugh, made me cry, and he sang to me! Literally, he sings! I recommend the audible version performed by Billie Porter. He bares his soul, he shares his trauma from sexual abuse and homophobia. Billy takes us with him on his journey in the theater and recently on television. I just loved this memoir and highly recommend it.
January 2, 2022
I liked it. I didn’t love it. It seemed a little scattered. Part memoir, part therapy exercise.
January 19, 2022
Unprotected, a memoir
By Billy Porter
Abrams Press, 2021
Five stars
Wrapped in sass and camp, this fairly straightforward biographical narrative transcends the genre with its intensely personal, almost performative style. It is about the constant battle to succeed as an actor/singer/dancer in a world deeply tainted by racism and homophobia; but it is also the story of a Black gay man struggling against the religiously-based homophobia of his own community.
Porter’s memoir is funny, heart-breaking, triumphal, and intensely confessional. What struck me, over and over, is his amazing generosity, his gratitude to everyone who helped and encouraged and loved him as he fought his way through they years to the pinnacle of pride and success he has (finally) achieved. Porter is always quick to express his rage and outrage at injustice and institutionalized prejudice; but equally quick to forgive and uplift.
The style of writing is completely Porter’s own style, inimitable and unforgettable. Like Porter himself, his memoir is a product of the world we live in right now, and a brilliant document of this moment, for good and for ill, in our nation’s painfully slow evolution toward the light.
By Billy Porter
Abrams Press, 2021
Five stars
Wrapped in sass and camp, this fairly straightforward biographical narrative transcends the genre with its intensely personal, almost performative style. It is about the constant battle to succeed as an actor/singer/dancer in a world deeply tainted by racism and homophobia; but it is also the story of a Black gay man struggling against the religiously-based homophobia of his own community.
Porter’s memoir is funny, heart-breaking, triumphal, and intensely confessional. What struck me, over and over, is his amazing generosity, his gratitude to everyone who helped and encouraged and loved him as he fought his way through they years to the pinnacle of pride and success he has (finally) achieved. Porter is always quick to express his rage and outrage at injustice and institutionalized prejudice; but equally quick to forgive and uplift.
The style of writing is completely Porter’s own style, inimitable and unforgettable. Like Porter himself, his memoir is a product of the world we live in right now, and a brilliant document of this moment, for good and for ill, in our nation’s painfully slow evolution toward the light.
March 8, 2023
When I first started this book, I was convinced that I would be giving it five stars. My moments of screaming "YASS, QUEEN!!!" & "WERK!!!" in the car while listening were frequent and cathartic through (roughly) the first half of the recording. Porter's truth of growing up Black & sissified in Pittsburgh with next to nothing except for a load of artistic talent and potential was completely enthralling, as were his lucid thoughts on political and social justice issues.
There is a very fine line between artistic brilliance and narcissistic arrogance, though. Unfortunately, Porter crossed this line in the second half, once his career began to take off in earnest. An editor was needed to cut out his constant unnecessary and pretentious name-dropping (save it for the acknowledgements, Sis), complaints of "how he always knew better" than his colleagues, and general grievance. So, three stars.
There is a very fine line between artistic brilliance and narcissistic arrogance, though. Unfortunately, Porter crossed this line in the second half, once his career began to take off in earnest. An editor was needed to cut out his constant unnecessary and pretentious name-dropping (save it for the acknowledgements, Sis), complaints of "how he always knew better" than his colleagues, and general grievance. So, three stars.
December 28, 2021
I hate reviewing memoirs. It doesn't feel appropriate for me to review another person's life story. However, for this memoir I have no hesitation: 5 stars across the board. Excellent writing, phenomenal audio production, and all around moving read. Billy Porter shares raw vulnerability, while never wavering in the strength of his convictions and sense of self. May we all strive to be like Billy.
August 17, 2024
Fuck. What a difficult review this is for me.
I don't have many idols/celebrity crushes/heroes. They inevitably turn out to be flawed humans, and often flawed in ways I have major trouble with. This, unfortunately, happened to me with Billy Porter, who was a standout for me in terms of queer representation in media. Well, he still is, of course, and that's what's so hard.
What makes it doubly difficult, is that my main issue isn't directly from the book. But this isn't a novel, it's a memoir, and so it's kind of difficult to separate. But I'll try to break it down.
I'll start with the THING. The thing that was the breaking point, and left me with this dilemma. It happened towards the end of the book. As I was listening to Billy Porter tell his story I looked up things he mentioned on YouTube or in Google searches. Songs from musicals, people, outfits. Things like that. Which is when I found an image of him dressed in the carcasses of a few dozen sables. I have zero tolerance for people who wear fur for fashion. I think you have to be a pretty shitty human being to do so, placing vanity as a value above compassion and respect for the lives of others. Like, if the revolution was now, it would be guillotine-worthy.
And so how do I reconcile my sympathy and solidarity for his story as a gay Black child-and-then-man, for the oppression, rejection, ridicule, and violence he experienced and overcame, with my view of him as a shit-baked oppressor himself? How do I celebrate his enormous talent and breakthrough representation, while feeling this raw anger at him?
It isn't the first time I've had to compartmentalize people, or issues. But I hate that I have to, and would probably be happier if I had remained ignorant.
But how was the book, you ask? 😂
Well, it was good. Not flawless, but mostly good. Porter's story is in some ways predictable, but that doesn't mean it isn't interesting or important. The fact that it is possible to assume that he experienced bullying, abuse, racism, rejection, etc. is an indictment of our society, and to those of us working in activist spaces not in any way a surprise. The personal details of his story are, of course, unique, and as told by him -- incredibly touching and inspiring and heartbreaking and painful and many more emotions.
Somewhere around the middle of the book, I found myself somewhat frustrated. I might not be able to describe exactly why, but at least in part: Some things were a bit repetitive, and seemed more like mantras Porter needs to attach to his narrative than descriptions of what happened or his internal responses to them. While I have NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER that all the prejudices are real (too Black, not Black enough, too gay, too flamboyant, all the things) there comes at a point a sense that he's saying: I am by so far the best performer in the world and I should have gotten the role in any audition I ever did, and not getting each and every one is in itself proof of the racism. By the gazillionth "I slayed!" I wasn't sure I was buying it anymore. Well, not not-buying it, because I DO believe him when he says this is the main factor that affected his career. Like I said, it's hard for me to be accurate here, because the truth is the truth and it's racist and homophobic as hell, but there is some sense of over-compensation or propping up in *how* it's told, in some of these instances that bothered me. Yes, this is it, parts of the how, definitely not the what.
(That said, some of the revelations about particular people and productions are jaw-dropping and hard (but then, not hard) to believe. Rage inducing. I can't really fault Porter for hyper-focus on the prejudices, because going through your entire life with these weights not only limiting you but defining you is a core aspect of oppression.)
If that were all, I probably wouldn't even mention it. The attempt to describe this feeling is probably overblowing it and possibly problematic in other ways. But around this time (when Porter is at the beginning stages of his career, and up until he reaches a crisis point and then a dry period) some other things creep in: Porter drops some hints about his problems with intimacy (he goes into it a *bit* more towards the end of the book). And these hints suddenly make other things starkly clear: Porter can spend half a chapter describing the music sheet and key he sang in and the accompaniment and how many bars... But entire relationships are skimmed or skipped over and no emotional life is apparent. This is mystifying in a memoir. I don't want voyeuristic exposures, but yes, some idea of what your emotional life is like during the key time periods you describe. Some idea of the significant relationships, significant places, and other life experiences.
After the middle, the pace picks up again, and I actually literally shed tears when Porter describes how his role in Pose came into being, and even before that, the upturn in his career and fortunes.
Throughout, I was also a bit frustrated with Porter's politics. He's exactly intersectional enough to talk about the politics that relate to his Black and gay identities, with a nod to trans brethren, and some very limited discussion of poverty. But that's it: Not even a nod to issues such as sexism, immigration, prisons, police, military imperialism -- while making broad political statements (many of which sounded like a summary of social media memes, not any kind of actual analysis) that can be summarized as: Trump bad, Biden/Kamala good. Well, not so much, my friend. And you are in a unique position to know better.
So how the hell do I rate this? I want to give it 5 stars and 1 star simultaneously. Meeting in the middle at 3 doesn't capture the complexity. For now, leaving unrated and going to drown my sorrows in work.
I don't have many idols/celebrity crushes/heroes. They inevitably turn out to be flawed humans, and often flawed in ways I have major trouble with. This, unfortunately, happened to me with Billy Porter, who was a standout for me in terms of queer representation in media. Well, he still is, of course, and that's what's so hard.
What makes it doubly difficult, is that my main issue isn't directly from the book. But this isn't a novel, it's a memoir, and so it's kind of difficult to separate. But I'll try to break it down.
I'll start with the THING. The thing that was the breaking point, and left me with this dilemma. It happened towards the end of the book. As I was listening to Billy Porter tell his story I looked up things he mentioned on YouTube or in Google searches. Songs from musicals, people, outfits. Things like that. Which is when I found an image of him dressed in the carcasses of a few dozen sables. I have zero tolerance for people who wear fur for fashion. I think you have to be a pretty shitty human being to do so, placing vanity as a value above compassion and respect for the lives of others. Like, if the revolution was now, it would be guillotine-worthy.
And so how do I reconcile my sympathy and solidarity for his story as a gay Black child-and-then-man, for the oppression, rejection, ridicule, and violence he experienced and overcame, with my view of him as a shit-baked oppressor himself? How do I celebrate his enormous talent and breakthrough representation, while feeling this raw anger at him?
It isn't the first time I've had to compartmentalize people, or issues. But I hate that I have to, and would probably be happier if I had remained ignorant.
But how was the book, you ask? 😂
Well, it was good. Not flawless, but mostly good. Porter's story is in some ways predictable, but that doesn't mean it isn't interesting or important. The fact that it is possible to assume that he experienced bullying, abuse, racism, rejection, etc. is an indictment of our society, and to those of us working in activist spaces not in any way a surprise. The personal details of his story are, of course, unique, and as told by him -- incredibly touching and inspiring and heartbreaking and painful and many more emotions.
Somewhere around the middle of the book, I found myself somewhat frustrated. I might not be able to describe exactly why, but at least in part: Some things were a bit repetitive, and seemed more like mantras Porter needs to attach to his narrative than descriptions of what happened or his internal responses to them. While I have NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER that all the prejudices are real (too Black, not Black enough, too gay, too flamboyant, all the things) there comes at a point a sense that he's saying: I am by so far the best performer in the world and I should have gotten the role in any audition I ever did, and not getting each and every one is in itself proof of the racism. By the gazillionth "I slayed!" I wasn't sure I was buying it anymore. Well, not not-buying it, because I DO believe him when he says this is the main factor that affected his career. Like I said, it's hard for me to be accurate here, because the truth is the truth and it's racist and homophobic as hell, but there is some sense of over-compensation or propping up in *how* it's told, in some of these instances that bothered me. Yes, this is it, parts of the how, definitely not the what.
(That said, some of the revelations about particular people and productions are jaw-dropping and hard (but then, not hard) to believe. Rage inducing. I can't really fault Porter for hyper-focus on the prejudices, because going through your entire life with these weights not only limiting you but defining you is a core aspect of oppression.)
If that were all, I probably wouldn't even mention it. The attempt to describe this feeling is probably overblowing it and possibly problematic in other ways. But around this time (when Porter is at the beginning stages of his career, and up until he reaches a crisis point and then a dry period) some other things creep in: Porter drops some hints about his problems with intimacy (he goes into it a *bit* more towards the end of the book). And these hints suddenly make other things starkly clear: Porter can spend half a chapter describing the music sheet and key he sang in and the accompaniment and how many bars... But entire relationships are skimmed or skipped over and no emotional life is apparent. This is mystifying in a memoir. I don't want voyeuristic exposures, but yes, some idea of what your emotional life is like during the key time periods you describe. Some idea of the significant relationships, significant places, and other life experiences.
After the middle, the pace picks up again, and I actually literally shed tears when Porter describes how his role in Pose came into being, and even before that, the upturn in his career and fortunes.
Throughout, I was also a bit frustrated with Porter's politics. He's exactly intersectional enough to talk about the politics that relate to his Black and gay identities, with a nod to trans brethren, and some very limited discussion of poverty. But that's it: Not even a nod to issues such as sexism, immigration, prisons, police, military imperialism -- while making broad political statements (many of which sounded like a summary of social media memes, not any kind of actual analysis) that can be summarized as: Trump bad, Biden/Kamala good. Well, not so much, my friend. And you are in a unique position to know better.
So how the hell do I rate this? I want to give it 5 stars and 1 star simultaneously. Meeting in the middle at 3 doesn't capture the complexity. For now, leaving unrated and going to drown my sorrows in work.
July 6, 2024
I have never written a review, but I could not just give this book 5 stars without saying something. First, listen to this book, no other way to truly experience his life, but through his own voice.
Mr. Billy Porter and I are not only about the same age, but we both grew up in Pittsburgh. But we might as well have been on different planets. Mr. Porter’s story was at times painful to listen too, but also eye opening and inspiring. Mr. Porter’s experiences pushed me to truly reflect on my own prejudices and pre-conceived ideas about what it means to be a black gay man living in our country. I wish I could have an ounce of his courage, but now that I know better, I will do better.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou
Mr. Billy Porter and I are not only about the same age, but we both grew up in Pittsburgh. But we might as well have been on different planets. Mr. Porter’s story was at times painful to listen too, but also eye opening and inspiring. Mr. Porter’s experiences pushed me to truly reflect on my own prejudices and pre-conceived ideas about what it means to be a black gay man living in our country. I wish I could have an ounce of his courage, but now that I know better, I will do better.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou
May 16, 2025
I love Billy Porter. It was refreshing to learn that throughout all of his trials and tribulations that he maintained the desire and will to press forward.
Weerrkk!
Weerrkk!
September 25, 2022
I really wanted to like this book. There are some very nice moments as Billy shares how he grew to love the theatre and knew what he wanted to do very early on. He had lots of "angels" that helped him develop his craft along the way. Of course, there were struggles. Billy had to face bullies in school, a God-fearing handicapped mother, an abusive stepfather, and a church that ridiculed homosexuality.
But! Billy constantly interrupts his story with long italicized rants about Trump, white America, George Floyd, AIDS, 9/11, Covid-19, the government, and directors/producers who didn't want to work with him. Halfway through the book, I knew exactly why they didn't want to work with him. He's difficult to work with!
There's no doubt he wants to be the center of attention and thinks he's better than everyone else. And he knows it! But then we are supposed to feel sorry for him because he's black, he's poor and had to file for bankruptcy, he couldn't get jobs, and he was diagnosed with HIV. He glazes over how he met his current husband. Instead, it's about him winning his Tony and his Emmy. I found myself skipping his long italicized rants just anxious to get to the part about POSE.
If Porter actually wrote this book himself, I think an editor told him he needed to "show" the story instead of just "telling" it. No doubt, they had an argument and Porter refused to listen. So he went home and added all the rants as fluff and ended up making the book just a diatribe of an angry black man.
Here's a perfect example: Porter points out that Spike Lee told him he talked like a white man. Porter defended himself and pointed out that he had proper education and that there was nothing wrong with also speaking properly. Yet, throughout the book, there is slang writing. I'm fine with "Werk!" and "Kween!" from any gay man, but every time I read "alla" for "all of" in the book, I wanted to cringe. But again, Porter probably butted heads with his editor and they gave up and let him have his way.
I didn't even know who Billy Porter was until I saw POSE. I thought it was great. I'm glad he's become a gay icon these last few years, and I celebrate his success as a gay man myself. But this book was so tiresome and all I came away with was the fact that Billy is just a bitchy queen...Werk!
But! Billy constantly interrupts his story with long italicized rants about Trump, white America, George Floyd, AIDS, 9/11, Covid-19, the government, and directors/producers who didn't want to work with him. Halfway through the book, I knew exactly why they didn't want to work with him. He's difficult to work with!
There's no doubt he wants to be the center of attention and thinks he's better than everyone else. And he knows it! But then we are supposed to feel sorry for him because he's black, he's poor and had to file for bankruptcy, he couldn't get jobs, and he was diagnosed with HIV. He glazes over how he met his current husband. Instead, it's about him winning his Tony and his Emmy. I found myself skipping his long italicized rants just anxious to get to the part about POSE.
If Porter actually wrote this book himself, I think an editor told him he needed to "show" the story instead of just "telling" it. No doubt, they had an argument and Porter refused to listen. So he went home and added all the rants as fluff and ended up making the book just a diatribe of an angry black man.
Here's a perfect example: Porter points out that Spike Lee told him he talked like a white man. Porter defended himself and pointed out that he had proper education and that there was nothing wrong with also speaking properly. Yet, throughout the book, there is slang writing. I'm fine with "Werk!" and "Kween!" from any gay man, but every time I read "alla" for "all of" in the book, I wanted to cringe. But again, Porter probably butted heads with his editor and they gave up and let him have his way.
I didn't even know who Billy Porter was until I saw POSE. I thought it was great. I'm glad he's become a gay icon these last few years, and I celebrate his success as a gay man myself. But this book was so tiresome and all I came away with was the fact that Billy is just a bitchy queen...Werk!
May 25, 2023
Billy Porter is a gift in human form and must be protected at all costs.
January 15, 2024
Okay, all I can say is that I picked this up on a whim on audio (it's narrated by Billy) and I hadn't really much clue about who Billy is or what he's done, but wow, I am glad I read this. I highly recommend the audio so you can hear Billy tell his story. It's a rough one which covers a young homosexual boy struggling in a world which doesn't accept him. A dramatic and lovely child who needed to fight for all he got. A boy who went through abuse and bullying, and came out stronger. A man who lost many friends to AIDS, campaigned for gay rights and lived through some bleak times. Overall, it's an amazing story with the silver lining being Billy Porter. At all points of his story he has had to make things work for himself and pick himself back up, and I admire the resilience. I didn't really know Billy before, but you can bet I am watching out for him now, and I am excited to see some of the TV and shows he's worked in. 5*s.
February 9, 2024
I honestly had no idea who Porter was. I did a quick Google search (bad idea while reading this since I got hit with spoilers), but I do remember the Harry Styles controversy (I also had no idea who Styles was 😬 but fully agreed with Porter's stance, even if he later apologized).
I highly recommend the audiobook. Much of it is probably improvised for dramatic effect and this is the first time I've recommended an audiobook for that purpose but it's read by the author and adds insight to his personality.
I initially expected a serious book based on the cover alone. While that was most of it, he was able to turn a lot of it into laughter. It's definitely a laugh, gasp, cry, yell, laugh, applaud, cry, gasp, applaud
rollercoaster.
Similar to me, you do not need to know who Porter is to pick this up. You either will or will want to by the end.
I highly recommend the audiobook. Much of it is probably improvised for dramatic effect and this is the first time I've recommended an audiobook for that purpose but it's read by the author and adds insight to his personality.
I initially expected a serious book based on the cover alone. While that was most of it, he was able to turn a lot of it into laughter. It's definitely a laugh, gasp, cry, yell, laugh, applaud, cry, gasp, applaud
rollercoaster.
Similar to me, you do not need to know who Porter is to pick this up. You either will or will want to by the end.
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