Soulbroken: A Guidebook for Your Journey Through Ambiguous Grief

by Stephanie Sarazin

Gold Nautilus Book Award, Death & Dying/Grief & Loss

Expanding on Pauline Boss’s seminal work on ambiguous loss, this book explores the complications and deviations from traditional grief when mourning a loss, but not a death—and offers real solutions for healing.  Grief isn't always the result of something finite, marking a death or complete end. Soul-shattering grief can also be activated by a dramatic shift in an important relationship, such as a divorce or significant breakup, a life-changing medical diagnosis, or a broken connection with an addicted child. How do we grieve people who are still alive, but no longer who they once were to us?

Most people will experience this type of traumatic event over the course of their lifetime, yet the complications of these situations often leave grievers feeling alienated or ashamed.  Soulbroken  is a guidebook that recognizes this often-misunderstood grief, validates the unique challenges posed by its ambiguity, and champions tools for healing. In it, Stephanie Sarazin presents the ambiguous grief process, offering insights to help readers better understand the nuances of their grief experience when a loved one is not lost to death. With intimate stories of others' path to recovery using Sarazin's advice, this book will help anyone ready to find a way through their own grief, regardless of where they are on their journey.

Genres: Grief, Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Personal Growth, Mental Health

304 pages, Paperback

Published October 11, 2022

Reviews

[Francesca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Grand Central Publishing and the author for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

Reading Soul Broken, I was grateful to not completely relate to the gravity of the losses that she writes about, as it means that I was not presently experiencing loss or grief. That being said, I am grateful to have this guidebook / toolbox if and when I will need it in the future, as I get older and life *happens*.

Defining and studying ambiguous grief is a wonderful feat, and encompasses so many feelings and losses that are not typically acknowledged or given condolences to in social settings. Sarazin centers on her own divorce, as someone whose husband's admission to cheating on her for years came out of the blue. Along with losing the man she once loved (and apparently never truly knew), Sarazin writes alongside losses as results of disease (both physical and cognitive decline), addiction, familial estrangement, and more. Sarazin leans into the discomfort and mourning that results from an emotional situation that previously was unnamed in mainstream self-help and psychology. She writes about her own experiences and has a number of writing and thinking reflections exercised peppered throughout the chapters if someone truly wanted to treat the text as a workbook.

I would recommend this book to anyone who is working through any type of grief, ambiguous or not, as Sarazin's comforting and validating approach to putting oneself back together eases the burden of the loss, and reminds you that your "people" are out there, you just have to find them.

[Kara (Books.and.salt) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I very rarely read nonfiction these days, and when I do I tend to read books pertaining to social issues and parenting. I have almost completely given up on self help books because they just don't resonate with me - but when I saw this guide book for "ambiguous grief" I was compelled to give it a try. There is an overabundance of books out there to help people work through the grief of losing a loved one to death. Soul Broken is meant for people grieving a loss, but not a death.

Many people go through traumatic experiences and loss of relationships for a variety of reasons - divorce, addiction, illnesses - and must learn to grieve people who are still alive but lost to them. As a survivor of childhood abuse this sort of ambiguous and misunderstood pain is very familiar to me, and many parts of this book touched a special part of my heart.

I highly recommend this one to those who are struggling with loss - Sarazin has a wonderful voice and I really enjoyed the fact that she shared her own personal experiences alongside the more workbook style information.

[Shay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a gem. . It is validating, meets the reader in a welcoming space no matter the path, and speaks to grief in the gray areas that few speak of in primary spaces. Great descriptions and exercises to help the reader dive a little deeper if they choose. I have already recommended this book to a few people who are experiencing ambiguous grief.

[David T · Rating 4 out of 5]

My takeaways: ambiguous grief is born of a changed love relationship that did not end in death. Examples: romantic partner love after breakup or betrayal, a loved one slipping into dementia, a lost former life of a person that is transitioning gender. The love is no longer felt and expressed in the same way, yet without the finality of death and social support that comes with a clear demarcation, the path of the ambiguous griever is uncertain and can morph into the DSMs Complex Grief.

Themes of the book: the depth of grief is a measure of the depth of the love that was, and we never get past grief (nor love). They are both always there and need tending, with the goal of integration of grief into a functioning and fulfilling life.

The book provides thoughts, exercises and tools to help the ambiguous griever integrate their grief into their life. 

Each chapter illuminates stops along a winding roadmap of ambiguous grief framed by S. Sarazin’s own journey, along with brief vignettes of the experiences of others. Like many self help books, this one is a little dry. Unlike many, the exercises are quite good. If you are struggling with ambiguous grief (or even unambiguous but the DSM’s “complex grief”) you will find value in this book.

The weakest part is Chapter 7 on forgiveness, which never clearly defines it! A definitionI carry is “forgiveness is letting go of hope for a better yesterday.” This encapsulates releasing suffering born of wishing the world to be different than it is. The Chapter 7 exercises craft a list of grievances and the apology the griever “longs for.” Perhaps Sarazin’s forgiveness is letting go of anger towards the person on the other side of the broken love. Without the definition spelled out, I am unsure how to use this chapter.

I absolutely love the final paragraph of Chapter 7! This last line holds another metaphor that I will carry with me.

“…you cannot be angry at grief for being grief any more than you can be angry at love for being love. They are yin and yang, equal opposites, and are with you because, in the end, grief is love's invoice.”

[TLC · Rating 5 out of 5]

Soulbroken is an exceptional guidebook written to support a person experiencing ambiguous grief. I appreciate and value reading the author's experience and those of others coupled with practical ways to work through the complex feelings of ambiguous grief. Bravo for taking on such an important topic!

[Grayson Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most powerful book of the year so far. So much of this spoke directly to my soul. Ambiguous grief covers those suffering due to divorce, a breakup, life-changing medical diagnosis, broken connection with an addicted child, etc. “How do we grieve people who are still alive, but no longer who they once were to us?”

[Carrie Shepeard · Rating 5 out of 5]

A friend recommended this book to me and I am grateful. For anyone struggling with ambiguous grief, this is worth the read. Packed with honesty, empathy, tools and real-life scenarios, this book was beyond helpful. I feel seen!

[Rebecca Parten · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Balance (Grand Central Publishing) for this advanced reader copy. The opinions expressed are mine alone.

“Soulbroken” by Stephanie Sarazin is truly a comprehensive guidebook for those experiencing ambiguous grief. I appreciated the honesty and raw emotion Sarazin shared throughout which I think will resonate with readers. The book first explains what ambiguous grief is and how it differs from “traditional grief”. Then, chapter by chapter Sarazin provides practical steps, personal stories, journaling prompts and more to help the reader move throughout the grieving process. The appendix features a summary of the 15 tools described that the reader can use throughout their journey and there is there is also a short list of additional resources. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone experiencing this type of grief as it truly is different.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Recommended by my therapist. It helped drown out the noise which was great

Reminded me that I have been grieving since 2020 and that forgiveness is a destination, not a beginning which was kind.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book came to me when I really needed it. I just recently went through a divorce after 23 years together. This book really explains all the stages of ambiguous grief one goes through and helps you find your way. I thought the instructions and stories told were right on par with what I was feeling and definitely helped me to cope in a new and better way.
I'll definitely be referring back to this as I continue my journey to healing.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was helpful to learn about ambiguous grief… a topic rarely talked about. I think I wished there was more practical steps of what to do. But I think it was a useful read.

[Gigi Ropp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Upon first finishing this book as an audiobook, I knew I had to reread it and annotate (aka destroy) the physical copy. Between the book and my journal, I can truly say my life is forever changed because of the information I learned. I am grateful for the validation for my grief experience and for the knowledge shared so that I can continue to grow.

[Chris Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an evergreen set of solutions and tools wrapped in a book!!!

Tough topics covered with compassion, gratitude, humor and the unique “think around corners” solutions I know and love in her.

Let’s face it. We are all either dealing with personally or have loved-ones experiencing:

* addiction
* divorce
* cognitive decline
* indoctrination
* familial estrangement
* and more….

If you’re grieving the loss of loved one who is still living, or know someone who may be, this book is for you. In it, you’ll learn about a kind of grief endured when there isn’t a physical death, yet our loved ones are no longer as they once were and our relationship is drastically changed if not broken or gone altogether.

If you’re open and willing to understand and heal this book is for you!

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book nailed it. I felt seen and heard with every page I turned. There are so many of us who experience grief, but not in the conventional way society thinks of it. We often feel ashamed and in need of putting on a brave face for the world to see. I think I would have moved through my healing process significantly quicker if I had had this book. A definite recommend!

[Lilly Whorton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have loved this so much and have given it to so many!! Very thought provoking and insightful.

[Ellie G · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written. Heart and soul poured into every word!

[(a)lyss(a) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This is an interesting book.

We follow the author through the process of ambiguous grief. She shares some of her personal experiences with ambiguous loss as well as tips and information about the process. This guidebook includes the steps of moving through ambiguous grief, what it can look like, sentences to fill out to help you explore yourself, and more. There is some high-level information that I didn't find as helpful, but there are some good prompts and exercises to help you check in with yourself.

Overall an interesting find.

[Eileen Flanigan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book. The perspective of someone that has went through a divorce loss is very helpful. It makes someone feel less alone in the journey. And the honesty of someone else’s story makes you reflect and see you are worthy.

[Kerry McConnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wish I had this book last year, glad I have it now.
What a great resource for anyone suffering from a loss not by death. A book I will be coming back to for years to come.

[Regen Newton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource! Grief is such a relevant topic for so many. There is something for everyone in this insightful read.

[Tracy Spesia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Soul Broken offers truly a truly unique and clear guide through complex pain and loss. Actually, it offers multiple paths with options for next steps which provides the “user” with the opportunity to move at their pace in ways that resonate and support their unique need for healing. Wow! Like a choose your own healing adventure, Stephanie Sarazin has a compassionate message of hope for all who mourn the profound loss of love that was once pivotal but has been broken and can’t be repaired. This is not a book you read in one sitting. This is a book you read through once (I recommend the first “read” as an audible book- just allow yourself to listen and recognize the breadth of understanding and support for your future healing). Then, when ready, follow the author’s encouragement to prepare your “backpack” for the journey with this book in hand. You will encounter tools to support your process, insights to sustain your willingness to persevere, and assurances that you are not alone- not in the least. In fact, your deep personal suffering has a name—ambiguous grief—and although your story is just yours, your experience of losing a relationship that helped to define your identity (e.g. parent, spouse, sibling, child, friend) is widely shared. Sarazin brings that network to life with the wide variety of personal stories that were entrusted to her, and through her own experience making sense of her pain and finding hope. Soul Broken is both a powerful and a gentle invitation to journey toward your healing from ambiguous grief, when and how you are ready and able.

[Courtney Meyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phenomenal book. A must read for anyone grieving a broken relationship (e.g., marriage, friendship). The book is structured well in warmly guiding the reader through the ups, downs, twists, & turns of ambiguous grief. I earmarked so many pages to revisit. This book will be a staple on my bookshelf in my home & one I will recommend to anyone I encounter who could benefit from its guidance.

[Jean Wise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting insights into vague grief. recoginizing it and managing its impact on our lives

[Annie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am grateful to have had this book recommended to me.
I didn't realize I was grieving because I didn't understand that people and relationships don't have to be "in the ground" in order to feel grief. Caring for a parent with dementia, missing an estranged friend, and enduring a devastating betrayal by my former partner have all hurt me beyond measure - yet I've never given up hope on them. Now, I understand that healing involves hoping for ME and I'm starting today. For anyone struggling with betrayal, divorce, estrangement/ghosting, a loved one's addiction, this book offers understanding, insight, and action!
Stephanie Sarazin
Soulbroken: A Guidebook for Your Journey Through Ambiguous Grief

[Janice Post-White · Rating 5 out of 5]

After suddenly discovering years of infidelity by her husband, Stephanie works through her feelings, sudden change in circumstances and relationships/roles, and coaches others on how to get through and find oneself and heal by moving on/regenerating. The tone is supportive and encouraging and Sarazin takes the reader on her journey, acknowledging that your experiences may differ, but most examples are from her experience and grief surrounding loss of relationships, rather than other circumstances such as illness. She offers specific, helpful suggestions and lots of prompts/exercises and examples from her and others’ experiences. Great writing with clarifying metaphors. It’s memoir + workbook + coach guide. 4.5

[Jessica Fein · Rating 5 out of 5]

My only problem with this book is that I didn't read it sooner. Stephanie explores the concept of ambiguous grief, sharing her hard-earned wisdom with the reader in an accessible and supportive way. As someone who lived with ambiguous grief for years (and didn't even recognize it for most of that time), I felt like Stephanie was holding my hand and helping me through the twister of emotions that accompany this particular kind of loss. The tools, strategies, and stories in the book can be a lifeline for those of us suffering a kind of grief that few people acknowledge or understand.

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was excited to read this, then was super disappointed that she didn't include childhood abuse/trauma as an 'activating event'. HUGE omission - and another example of practitioners refusing to acknowledge the grief that must be dealt with if childhood trauma survivors are ever going to get real help healing. [See Sandra Bloom's 2000 article 'The Grief that Dare Not Speak Its Name']

It's a good book for people grieving divorce, etc.

[Carrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stephanie Sarazin identifies a unique kind of grief, but one that will be familiar to most at some point in their lives. After struggling with grief over something that felt very big to me, but probably seemed very small to others, I find this book to be incredibly validating and I look forward to employing some of the tools presented to move forward.

[Sara]

I purchased this book for someone going through a difficult time. I skimmed it to get a feel for whether it might be helpful. It seems like it is laid out pretty well, and I’m hopeful it will be helpful.

[Ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read for someone mourning for someone who has not passed away. At some point in the near future, I plan to do the activities in this book. Well worth the read.