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Marry Yourself First: A Modern Woman’s True Story of Healing the Heart
Nicole was a rock star when it came to her outside life.
She was soaring up the corporate ladder as an engineer and had a great apartment, a closet full of perfect clothes, and a full social calendar.
So why was she failing miserably at finding her dream man?
And what was that nagging feeling of emptiness in the pit of her stomach late at night?
She had been trained by her PTSD Vietnam vet father to never trust anyone…yet to always follow her dreams.
She had learned from her registered nurse mother that love was about saving everyone else first, at the cost of your own happiness.
Society had taught her that overly ambitious, smart, slightly chubby women had no other choice than to become doormats for men in order to gain their love.
Nicole had long passed her imaginary goal of finding her soul mate and being married by 27. Instead, she had found herself single, jaded by her prior relationships, and destined for short- term, single-serving trysts with transitory men.
How could she move on from a lifetime of not trusting love?
She needed to marry herself first.
This is Nicole’s true story of healing her heart by doing something utterly radical. She walks you through her steps from lost to living the life of her dreams with honesty and humor, showing the behind-the-scenes awkwardness of what it’s really like to learn how to love yourself.
Her journey will leave you wondering...
Why didn’t I think of that?
She was soaring up the corporate ladder as an engineer and had a great apartment, a closet full of perfect clothes, and a full social calendar.
So why was she failing miserably at finding her dream man?
And what was that nagging feeling of emptiness in the pit of her stomach late at night?
She had been trained by her PTSD Vietnam vet father to never trust anyone…yet to always follow her dreams.
She had learned from her registered nurse mother that love was about saving everyone else first, at the cost of your own happiness.
Society had taught her that overly ambitious, smart, slightly chubby women had no other choice than to become doormats for men in order to gain their love.
Nicole had long passed her imaginary goal of finding her soul mate and being married by 27. Instead, she had found herself single, jaded by her prior relationships, and destined for short- term, single-serving trysts with transitory men.
How could she move on from a lifetime of not trusting love?
She needed to marry herself first.
This is Nicole’s true story of healing her heart by doing something utterly radical. She walks you through her steps from lost to living the life of her dreams with honesty and humor, showing the behind-the-scenes awkwardness of what it’s really like to learn how to love yourself.
Her journey will leave you wondering...
Why didn’t I think of that?
265 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 9, 2022
18 people are currently reading
13 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
February 10, 2022
Nicole is an intelligent, no nonsense business owner and professional who's been through the ringer of life experiences. In her memoir-meets-self-improvement book, she takes the reader on her own journey of self love and personal discovery to show the world that just because someone looks like they have everything figured out and put together on the surface, doesn't mean they feel like they have it together. And sometimes you have to put it all in a blender and start over to achieve your perfect happiness, and that's OK too!
Through a lifetime of hard earned personal discovery, Nicole shares the wisdom she's learned along the way in hopes of helping anyone looking for a little more love for themselves find their path. Whether you just want a bit of a self confidence boost or are looking to completely overhaul your self image (like Nicole chronicles in the book), her story can help you find the first steps on this journey for you. It's part love story, part self improvement, and part late night confessional with a life-long best friend.
The books reads like a no-nonsense memoir. Nicole speaks to her reader much in the way one tells a story to a friend--casually, with a good dose of humor, but not glossing over the less-than-sunny bits. She details the trauma she's experienced throughout her life, but also the amazing breakthroughs too. The lessons aren't always "Do this and your life will be better," but more "here's how I challenged myself and the results I achieved from doing so."
CW/TW: Emotional abuse, Body shaming, Death of parent, Fatphobia, Toxic relationship, Dysphoria, Gaslighting, Infidelity, Rape, and Sexual assault, Panic attacks/disorders and Terminal illness
**I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.**
Through a lifetime of hard earned personal discovery, Nicole shares the wisdom she's learned along the way in hopes of helping anyone looking for a little more love for themselves find their path. Whether you just want a bit of a self confidence boost or are looking to completely overhaul your self image (like Nicole chronicles in the book), her story can help you find the first steps on this journey for you. It's part love story, part self improvement, and part late night confessional with a life-long best friend.
The books reads like a no-nonsense memoir. Nicole speaks to her reader much in the way one tells a story to a friend--casually, with a good dose of humor, but not glossing over the less-than-sunny bits. She details the trauma she's experienced throughout her life, but also the amazing breakthroughs too. The lessons aren't always "Do this and your life will be better," but more "here's how I challenged myself and the results I achieved from doing so."
CW/TW: Emotional abuse, Body shaming, Death of parent, Fatphobia, Toxic relationship, Dysphoria, Gaslighting, Infidelity, Rape, and Sexual assault, Panic attacks/disorders and Terminal illness
**I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.**
February 11, 2022
I truly could not put this book down once I started reading it! Nicole’s story is relatable no matter where you are coming from in your own journey. The pain of adolescence, the struggle to determine self-worth and self-acceptance and real self-love are all things that we have all been through. Nicole’s voice really comes through her words; I laughed, I cried, and I found myself identifying with so many of her stories. I could really feel her inner monologue, and the bravery of her putting pen to paper to record many of her life experiences. Self-love is not something that we are often taught, and the way that she gently guides us to explore our own selves though her story is refreshing and honest. So worth the read and definately a book I will be thinking about even long after I finished reading it!
February 10, 2022
“Marry Yourself First: A Modern Woman’s True Story Of Healing The Heart” is by far the best book I have read in a long time! A must read for every woman on the journey to healing a broken heart. A personal story that weaves in terms from both psychology and healing modalities to help the reader understand what is happening in the mind and body from a scientific point of view.
Brilliantly written, this book captures the reader right from the start with events in the author’s personal journey that all women can relate to in one way or another. Nicole Russo as a Myofascial Release practitioner has been able to capture in words how we heal from the deep wounds and traumatic events in our lives, that at times, we do not recognize as triggers for our current emotional and physical pain.
Marry Yourself First is written in part as a love story, a romantic novel that opens up our awareness of deep personal pain and the struggles to heal our heart so that we can be open to finding love. It is a fantastic book for men to read and see a glimpse of how emotional pain can become entangled in relationships.
If you are a mental health therapist or bodyworker, I encourage you to read this book to explore a compelling discovery of pain and self-love from a client’s perspective and share it with your clients. If you are client of mental health or receiving bodywork, I encourage you to read this book to get a deeper understanding of how the two work hand in hand towards you healing your heart and share it with your therapists. Nicole Russo has done a fabulous job in bridging a gap and creating a world, a pathway, a journey into the mind/body connection towards emotional healing!
Brilliantly written, this book captures the reader right from the start with events in the author’s personal journey that all women can relate to in one way or another. Nicole Russo as a Myofascial Release practitioner has been able to capture in words how we heal from the deep wounds and traumatic events in our lives, that at times, we do not recognize as triggers for our current emotional and physical pain.
Marry Yourself First is written in part as a love story, a romantic novel that opens up our awareness of deep personal pain and the struggles to heal our heart so that we can be open to finding love. It is a fantastic book for men to read and see a glimpse of how emotional pain can become entangled in relationships.
If you are a mental health therapist or bodyworker, I encourage you to read this book to explore a compelling discovery of pain and self-love from a client’s perspective and share it with your clients. If you are client of mental health or receiving bodywork, I encourage you to read this book to get a deeper understanding of how the two work hand in hand towards you healing your heart and share it with your therapists. Nicole Russo has done a fabulous job in bridging a gap and creating a world, a pathway, a journey into the mind/body connection towards emotional healing!
February 10, 2022
Typically I don’t read books. I was never able to get into reading and if I did, the book had to capture me within the 1st-2nd chapter which is exactly what ‘Marry Yourself First’ did. I couldn’t put the book down, I wanted to know more.
Being a Mom to a toddler & working from home full time, you don’t always have the time to sit down and read. But let me tell you, I made darn sure to find the time to continue where I left off. I finished the book in 6 days! Now to me, that’s impressive for myself.
At the beginning of the book, I was able to relate to Nicole on how she was the chubby girl in school, didn’t click with anyone & didn’t really have anyone that liked me. I knew right then that I needed to continue. Nicole really has a great way to keep you intrigued. Throughout the whole book, I always said to myself, what else? What else happen to her? Who else broke her heart? I knew she had to have found love somewhere and someone who wouldn’t break her heart so I continued on - and sure enough, the ending will have you in awe!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and I recommend it to anyone that may have any doubts on if they love themselves to buy this book. You won’t be disappointed.
Being a Mom to a toddler & working from home full time, you don’t always have the time to sit down and read. But let me tell you, I made darn sure to find the time to continue where I left off. I finished the book in 6 days! Now to me, that’s impressive for myself.
At the beginning of the book, I was able to relate to Nicole on how she was the chubby girl in school, didn’t click with anyone & didn’t really have anyone that liked me. I knew right then that I needed to continue. Nicole really has a great way to keep you intrigued. Throughout the whole book, I always said to myself, what else? What else happen to her? Who else broke her heart? I knew she had to have found love somewhere and someone who wouldn’t break her heart so I continued on - and sure enough, the ending will have you in awe!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and I recommend it to anyone that may have any doubts on if they love themselves to buy this book. You won’t be disappointed.
September 10, 2023
I bought this book because I wanted a self-help guide on how to love yourself, instead I got a eerily familiar memoir of a young woman's path to self-love.
The book details how she worked through her issues with love and dating, influenced by her early experiences and unsurprisingly, how she was raised.
Throughout the book she details several methods she went through to learn how she can show up for herself and how she can be a better person, sister and partner.
It was a very inspiring and truthful tale, the only reason why I gave it 4/5 stars was because, at times, she seemed to ramble and explain herself more than needed to, and I personally like things told to me straight and not long, drawn-out soliloquies.
Still, a pretty good read overall. I related to her a lot, and I feel most women have felt the same way as she had growing up with not liking our bodies and grappling with not feeling good enough for XYZ.
Highly recommend if you're new to your self-love journey and don't know where to start or what it even means to love yourself. I think this book does a great job at explaining several methods and as she wrote in the introduction, "I hearby give you permission to pick and choose!" And to, "read this book with an open heart and an open mind". Good luck!
The book details how she worked through her issues with love and dating, influenced by her early experiences and unsurprisingly, how she was raised.
Throughout the book she details several methods she went through to learn how she can show up for herself and how she can be a better person, sister and partner.
It was a very inspiring and truthful tale, the only reason why I gave it 4/5 stars was because, at times, she seemed to ramble and explain herself more than needed to, and I personally like things told to me straight and not long, drawn-out soliloquies.
Still, a pretty good read overall. I related to her a lot, and I feel most women have felt the same way as she had growing up with not liking our bodies and grappling with not feeling good enough for XYZ.
Highly recommend if you're new to your self-love journey and don't know where to start or what it even means to love yourself. I think this book does a great job at explaining several methods and as she wrote in the introduction, "I hearby give you permission to pick and choose!" And to, "read this book with an open heart and an open mind". Good luck!
February 10, 2022
I read 'Marry Yourself First: A Modern Woman's True Story of Healing the Heart' in just a few days. I couldn't put it down. After only a couple of paragraphs, I could recognize myself in Nicole's story.
Nicole writes with humor, candor and vulnerability. Some aspects of her 'soul's journey' are difficult to read. However, I was drawn into the story; wanting to know what happened next, all the time caring about Nicole and the twists and turns she encounters along the way.
The book is extremely entertaining, with a self-help attitude to it.
In the introduction, Nicole states that if the only thing we get out of her book is the knowledge that we are not alone in the 'unending search for happiness and true love' then she will have done her job. She achieves this goal and much more. In telling her story, Nicole encourages us to look at our lives, at what may be holding us back, and inspires us to make the changes that enable us to move forward to true happiness and fulfillment
Nicole writes with humor, candor and vulnerability. Some aspects of her 'soul's journey' are difficult to read. However, I was drawn into the story; wanting to know what happened next, all the time caring about Nicole and the twists and turns she encounters along the way.
The book is extremely entertaining, with a self-help attitude to it.
In the introduction, Nicole states that if the only thing we get out of her book is the knowledge that we are not alone in the 'unending search for happiness and true love' then she will have done her job. She achieves this goal and much more. In telling her story, Nicole encourages us to look at our lives, at what may be holding us back, and inspires us to make the changes that enable us to move forward to true happiness and fulfillment
February 13, 2022
This writer has excellent skills at writing and drawing the reader in. At first gaze, one has to wonder what this is all about...marrying yourself? The book is actually a chronicle of the authors life growing up in a household with her dad, a Vietnam Vet with PTSD and her mom a nurse and a younger impressionable sister. After giving a brief synopsis of her perception of her younger life, she continues on with how that formed her own life. Normally I would say.. its like a diary and I am not interested!
However this book draws you in at a fast rate, and never lets you go until the last word is read. Nicole definitely has a gift for keeping you on the edge of your seat wondering what is around the next corner! My own emotions were up and down like a carousel, waiting for the next page and the next and one after that! It is an instructional manual on loving yourself enough to actually marry yourself, thereby freeing up your notions of how others think that you should feel!
However this book draws you in at a fast rate, and never lets you go until the last word is read. Nicole definitely has a gift for keeping you on the edge of your seat wondering what is around the next corner! My own emotions were up and down like a carousel, waiting for the next page and the next and one after that! It is an instructional manual on loving yourself enough to actually marry yourself, thereby freeing up your notions of how others think that you should feel!
February 10, 2022
Marry Yourself First by Nicole Russo De Souza is an incredibly well written book about the struggles of a young woman into adulthood with self-image and relationships as she encounters the path of self-love, self-worth and self-acceptance. Her stories are very relatable and her maneuvered path of healing so inspirational. I found it validating to know that other women experience such similar hurdles on their path. I couldn’t put the book down as I was drawn in to her honesty and vulnerability. As a woman on the long winding road to healing, I’m inspired with new hope on my own mission. Her perspective lends healing and comfort to the reader. I wholly recommend Marry Yourself First to any woman regardless of where you are on your journey to finding love for yourself.
February 11, 2022
Nicole Russo DeSouza had me laughing, feeling empathic, and shouting from my seat ‘Why did you let that happen? You are better than THAT!’ I will even admit to having wanted to slash a tire (channeling some Carrie Underwood). DeSouza is an incredible storyteller! And as someone who doesn't know much about myofascial release techniques, it was great to learn about that too! If you're struggling to move past difficult experiences, or need a good girlfriend read with a beautiful fairy tale ending, this book is perfect for you. Marry Yourself First is all about claiming your own happiness and taking control of your life. With the help of this book, you can create the perfect ceremony for yourself and finally have the happy ending you deserve!
February 12, 2022
"I didn't know what to expect when I started the book. I've never been a "self-help" kind of gal but the book came highly recommended and I decided to give it a try. I'm so glad I did! Her story is engaging and relatable. Regardless of whether your story aligns with Nicole's, the experiences she shared - especially during her childhood - are ones that will ring familiar to every woman. I found myself laughing along with the narration of these incidents as well as feeling that awkwardness that only adolescence can give you. The story is a triumph and provides a real life story of success with all the bumps and imperfections along the way. A truly inspiring story for the rest of us."
February 12, 2022
I loved it! It has been a long time since I have had a book that I felt like I couldn't put down! I love hearing about how people triumph through their struggles and Nicole didn't disappoint! I love how relatable Nicole and her story are to so many of us. I too have been on a journey of self love and feel like there are so many good nuggets of wisdom in these pages.
And the idea to marry yourself...BRILLIANT! Why didn't I think of that! So meaningful in so many ways!
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who struggles to find love, acceptance or satisfaction in their relationships! She has done the work and her story can inspire you to do the same!
And the idea to marry yourself...BRILLIANT! Why didn't I think of that! So meaningful in so many ways!
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who struggles to find love, acceptance or satisfaction in their relationships! She has done the work and her story can inspire you to do the same!
February 9, 2022
Here it is almost 2am and I just finished Nicole’s book in just two days of reading. Nicole’s book isn’t only a self help book it’s a journey of her life. We all go through similar circumstances in life whether it be a bad relationship or traumatic upbringing and don’t know how to heal. Nicole figured out ways and that’s what she shares in this book. She goes into detail of how she healed herself and instead of telling you to heal “you need to do this to survive” she says this is what I did I hope it helps you too.
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February 10, 2022Marry yourself first!!!! Yes I totally agree. Imagine the world if everyone did this. This is the best idea. The culture conditions us with this idea that love comes from other people… but it is an inside job. This book is such a great illustration what happens when we vow to love, honor and cherish oneself. Total transformation. The vows should be part of every junior high curriculum. This is a very moving story of restoration. The heart does not break in two pieces…it breaks open with an even greater capacity to love.
February 10, 2022
This book is full of wisdom...reflection....vulnerability...truth and the essence of self love that many people miss the connection with. Nicole shares her experience and new ways to reflect on childhood upbringing ancestral and family wounds that are so deeply ingrained at times we don't know how to turn toward them and gain knowledge and awareness to make a change for the better. This book can teach you what surrender to self-love is. This book is both for men and women in my opinion. Men can can perspective on how women work and patterns they bring to the relationship dynamic.
February 11, 2022
Resilience & Persistency lead to trusting love
Marry yourself is a page turner. It starts with a resilient and persistent search for love in all the wrong places. Many failed relationships lead to trusting and loving oneself first. Moving away from others expectations and judgements provides the freedom to be a unique soul. The inner wisdom gained from overcoming obstacles allows a new perspective to emerge. No longer judging oneself and offering forgiveness for an imperfect world leads to fulfilling relationships.
Marry yourself is a page turner. It starts with a resilient and persistent search for love in all the wrong places. Many failed relationships lead to trusting and loving oneself first. Moving away from others expectations and judgements provides the freedom to be a unique soul. The inner wisdom gained from overcoming obstacles allows a new perspective to emerge. No longer judging oneself and offering forgiveness for an imperfect world leads to fulfilling relationships.
February 11, 2022
I loved how honest the author was in her writing!! As I was taking in these very personal stories of her life I felt like we were just hanging out having an honest and no judging kind of conversation. I couldn’t stop turning the pages and found myself constantly thinking, “oh yeah, I totally know what she’s talking about”, or “ok, so I’m not the only one who went through something like this”. It’s a must read for anyone struggling to find self-love or looking for something to help you take the next step to a happier healthier life.
February 11, 2022
This is such a fantastic read! Through Nicole's genuinely honest accounts of her life, she paints a picture to help us relate to her experiences. Marry Yourself First helps guide the reader to turn inward to help us be honest in our own reflections. Through Nicole's journey, we can start asking ourselves who we truly are and then begin loving all aspects of our beings, from the broken little bits to the expansive and joyous parts of ourselves. Learning to love ourselves first and then opening us to love others on a deeper level. True wisdom for woman of all ages
February 7, 2022
This book shares deeply intimate and private moments that are somehow so relatable. Okay, maybe you've never invoked a freeze response in the middle of the woods because your Vietnam vet dad is afraid you're about to be attacked by deer! But we all have moments that leave scars.
This book is not just about healing our bodies and minds from the past. It's about becoming and loving all of who we truly are. You will laugh, you will cry, and you might just love yourself a little more.
This book is not just about healing our bodies and minds from the past. It's about becoming and loving all of who we truly are. You will laugh, you will cry, and you might just love yourself a little more.
February 10, 2022
Wow this book was so much more than I expected. I’m usually a slow reader but I finished this in three days wanting to find out how it all turned out! I’d say it’s an intriguing non-fiction book with self help resources that so many people could use. Very relatable and would definitely start some good conversations in a book group. If you’ve ever question your self confidence and trying to find love this is a great read.
February 10, 2022
Loved it!!
Nicole was so vulnerable and brave to share this story! Leaning into self love needs to be the foundation for our lives. Seeing how we can allow ourselves to feel into pain and embarrassment and grow from it is eye opening! She provides many useful mantras and practices to forgive and love ourselves unconditionally. Thank you for sharing, Nicole,I believe we need to speak positively to ourselves and others.
Nicole was so vulnerable and brave to share this story! Leaning into self love needs to be the foundation for our lives. Seeing how we can allow ourselves to feel into pain and embarrassment and grow from it is eye opening! She provides many useful mantras and practices to forgive and love ourselves unconditionally. Thank you for sharing, Nicole,I believe we need to speak positively to ourselves and others.
February 13, 2022
A page turner. You can't put it down. It's written from the heart, and written to help others. It touched me on so many different levels: the chubby kid always being left out, the adolescent searching for her PSTD Dad's love and affection, the troubled teen looking for her Knight in Shining Armor, the overachieving College student with her failed romances, to the adult who finally found Mr. Right. This book is brimming with figurative language, and vivid details. A real show stopper.
February 13, 2022
Authentic and enthralling
Nicole authentically expresses her inner critic and outerworld in a vulnerable and honest memoir. Her writing and the content are captivating and allowed me to gain awareness and insights into my own relationship with self love and love in relationships. This book will open doors of inquiry for readers.It may even shift your world. It's a valuable enthralling read.
Nicole authentically expresses her inner critic and outerworld in a vulnerable and honest memoir. Her writing and the content are captivating and allowed me to gain awareness and insights into my own relationship with self love and love in relationships. This book will open doors of inquiry for readers.It may even shift your world. It's a valuable enthralling read.
March 1, 2022
Great read. Very inspiring.
This book left me feeling like loving myself wasn't too big of a task anymore. Knowing I'm not alone in many of my life struggles and knowing that I have the choice to sit with myself through all of my emotions. This book came in the perfect timing as I am learning to truly love myself and understand myself, so I can love my husband and children better.
This book left me feeling like loving myself wasn't too big of a task anymore. Knowing I'm not alone in many of my life struggles and knowing that I have the choice to sit with myself through all of my emotions. This book came in the perfect timing as I am learning to truly love myself and understand myself, so I can love my husband and children better.
February 12, 2022
What an amazing and thoughtful book. I felt like I was there with Nicole every step of her journey. I felt my own cheeks flush in the moments of betrayal and embarrassment that I could relate to, only too well, from my young dating experiences. As she finally recognized she may have met "the one" I was cheering her on.. .and then when she realized she needed to take care of one essential thing first... well, if I told you more, I'd be giving away the story.
Hats off, Nicole Russo De Souza -- Fabulous read -- great tools and tips in this book, without ever feeling like you're in a classroom!! Five Stars all the way!!!
Hats off, Nicole Russo De Souza -- Fabulous read -- great tools and tips in this book, without ever feeling like you're in a classroom!! Five Stars all the way!!!
February 10, 2022
Marry Yourself First You have to get this book it's highly recommended.It's the kind of book you can't put it down until you're done.. This book gives you a very unique way to look within yourself and learn to love yourself for who you are no matter where your life has taken you.....no matter what body shape you have or what kind of childhood you had.
February 12, 2022
Reading Marry Yourself First is like having a conversation with a girlfriend. It's easy to read and you want to know what happens next. Nicole's story is relatable in many ways. Her level of self exploration is phenomenal. I highly recommend this book and am excited for my teenage daughter to read it as well. The earlier we learn to love ourselves the better.
February 10, 2022
This book is hard to put down. Every chapter spoke to my heart in a different way; from remembering my childhood to trying to find love as an adult. Nicole has a graceful way of explaining the things that aren't commonly spoken about and need to be heard. Inspiring read indeed!
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April 24, 2024I don't know if this book ever gets to anything actionable. I waded through a whole lot of the author's really sad story, then skipped forward a bunch of chapters, and it's still just sad tales of poor boundaries and abuse, with no sign of growth or improvement. F it. Back it goes.
March 8, 2022
Wow ...a gripping, heart wrenching story.
I loved this book so much that I could not put it down.
Nicole has opened her heart on such important topics and Self Love being a journey I have recently been taking myself on, I was really looking forward to reading this.
Thank you for sharing so much with us on such deep levels.
I highly recommend reading this.
I loved this book so much that I could not put it down.
Nicole has opened her heart on such important topics and Self Love being a journey I have recently been taking myself on, I was really looking forward to reading this.
Thank you for sharing so much with us on such deep levels.
I highly recommend reading this.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews