Filled with His Love: Strengthening Our Attachment to God and to Others

by Russell T. Osguthorpe

Forming deep relationships with God and with others is the most important aspect of mortal life, and yet one of the most vexing problems many face during their time on this earth is the lack of love-the inability to receive and give love as the Savior did. In Filled with His Love, Russell T. Osguthorpe, former Sunday School General President, addresses the question of how we can increase our capacity to give and receive love so that we can have secure, healthy relationships with God and with others. Through tender anecdotes, analysis of scriptural symbols, and research-based studies, this guide will help you • Learn how parent-child relationships can positively or negatively affect relationships into adulthood. • Recognize that attachment to God is central to spiritual growth and see how your attachment to God affects all other relationships in your life. • Examine your own relationships and implement strategies for improving your attachment styles so that you can strengthen your relationship with God and with others. Research has shown that the majority of adults suffer at least to some degree from a negative attachment style, which makes it difficult for them to form enduring, joyful relationships. No matter the state of your current attachments, this book will help you recognize, develop, and increase your capacity to love as God loves until His love literally fills you.

Genres: Nonfiction, Religion, Lds

199 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 9, 2022

Reviews

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am highly ambivalent about this book, which came highly recommended. I think there are some great nuggets in here, but overall, Osguthorpe tries to do too much. There is little foundation laid for attachment theory (and not nearly enough citations, frankly, since attachment is not his original idea and it should be properly sourced and cited) so the rest of the book lacks any substantive meaning. I felt like the attempt to cover all of the relationships made everything seem shallow, when I think it would have been greatly improved if focused on one (e.g., the relationship with God). There were also significant editing mistakes that became distracting and the writing is average at best. Overall, I just found myself annoyed because there is such great potential here, but it is trying too hard. A book about the attachment theory perspective on the commandments would have been much more interesting than what Osguthorpe was attempting here.

[Joshua · Rating 5 out of 5]

Weaving sound psychological research with true religious principles, Osguthorpe reminds us of the importance of love and attachment. Furthermore, he shares the important understanding that attachment styles can change, providing each of us the opportunity to experience love in new and powerful ways.

In a day and time when love of self, love of man, and love of God is sorely lacking, “Filled with His Love” offers hope and a blueprint for becoming more securely attached in our lives.

Utilizing psychological theory that is easy to understand, anecdotes that bring principles to life, and thought provoking questions that lead to sincere self-reflection, “Filled with His Love” is a must read for anyone looking for for further hope and healing in relationships with God, others, and themselves.

[Avid reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate this LDS psychologist perspective of relationships as applied with a gospel perspective. As a student of clinical mental health, I am passionate about obtaining healthier relationships with ourselves, God and others. Truly God is the only one capable of having a whole and complete relationship with us because of His perfect love, and covenants give us added access to that healing “attachment” that only He can offer.

[Serena]

A good reminder on the attachments we make in life and how they affect the world around us and within us. Very inspiring!

[Callie · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this inspiring read, Osguthorpe hits home the central message that everyone, regardless of past relationships and attachment styles, can change and experience more love. Filled with gems of wisdom and moving stories, this book reminds us that loving relationships, or attachments, with God and others can be our greatest sources of happiness. I would recommend this book to all who need a little hope, healing, and an encouraging reminder that love is the answer.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great listen about attachment, specifically the importance of relationships and love for others and for God. As we are attached to God, we are better able to love others.

[Maggierapid · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love when someone takes compelling research from the scientific world and applies it to Christian practice. In this book, Osguthorpe takes Attachment Theory and uses it as the lens through which to consider Gospel principles. I like the blending of religious doctrine (of love and mercy, for example) and how they play out in attachment theory.

From the introduction:
This book contains three parts. In part one, I introduce the idea of attachment and describe how parent-child relationships can eventually affect adult relationships (particularly marriage) in either positive or negative ways. In part two, I discuss the centrality of one’s attachment to God and how our attachment to God affects all other relationships. Finally, in part three, I focus on how we can strengthen our attachment to God and to others. This final section of the book rests on the assumption that strengthening our attachment to God and to others is, in fact, the primary purpose of mortality. My hope is that the suggestions offered in part three can help readers examine their own relationships and put into practice those suggestions that will lead to stronger, healthier attachments with those they love.

He uses an attachment "frame" to characterize human relationships. The grid is a helpful guide to understand how our self-worth and sociability can result in either secure, anxious, avoidant, or dysfunctional attachment styles. He uses a similar frame with human to God relationships, with self-worth and spiritual strength as the measures. This schema, illustrated in grid-form, helped me understand his assertion that understanding these attachment styles can guide us to specific behaviors to strengthen our attachments and improve our relationships. After all, he asserts, "Attachments bring us the most joy we can feel in mortality."

While this may sound somewhat esoteric, Osguthorpe uses stories from his life to illustrate these concepts all along the way. Part three, in particular, is fueled by stories and examples that make his suggestions inviting and motivating. His life experiences, family, and friends are colorful and wide-ranging; these are stories to be treasured.

This is an encouraging and affirming book. In the chapter titled "Live in Mercy and Grace," he writes: "Living in mercy helps us look past mistakes, and living in grace gives us the power to move forward, pick up the pieces, redirect our thoughts and actions and become a new creature." These ideas echo those of another of my favorite authors, Terryl Givens, who wrote: “Durable discipleship is rooted in the capacity to feel and reciprocate the love of Christ.”

Another chapter, called "Care for the Whole Soul" invites readers to make healthy choices. He writes: "The oneness of spirit and body that comprises our soul is key to forming healthy attachments. When we do anything that has the potential to improve our physical health, our mental-spiritual health can improve as well. And when we do something to address our mental-spiritual condition, we will feel better physically."

I found value in considering some of my relationships through the attachment theory lens. In fact, I'm still wondering about how our daughter's first six weeks of life in a hospital affect our parent-child attachment. Osguthorpe's suggestions are welcome additions to my thinking and understanding about that particular connection. As I navigate other, more challenging relationships, I feel encouraged by his assertion that avoidant, anxious, and even dysfunctional relationships can be transformed into more secure and healthy attachments.

And even though this book is engaging and encouraging on its own, there's a bonus: Osguthorpe expands these ideas in a free podcast. His natural warmth comes through his voice and examples. It's like having a personal guide walking by your side, encouraging and believing in you. Who doesn’t love and need a caring coach?

[Meredith Gardner · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF. Read 1/3 and then skimmed the rest. This book was disappointing to me in a lot of ways. I have been learning about attachment theory and hoped this could illuminate new ways on how to improve attachment to God. While the author is likely an expert in a lot of great things, he is not a psychologist or therapist and does not have expertise in attachment theory beyond his own personal study. It was especially interesting to read this after reading a book about scrupulosity, because while I think a lot of the recommendations are well intentioned, some could really fuel scrupulous behaviors. I’d recommend reading about attachment from experts in attachment theory who are aware and considerate of a broad range of mental health experiences.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has inspired me to further cultivate my relationship with and love for my Heavenly Father and Savior, my wife and children, as well as others (friends, family, and even those I may not always agree with).

The author provides simple yet powerful ideas related to attachment style to help us move from anxious or avoidant styles to more secure attachments with God and others.

Then he offers practical ideas for growing our capacity to have real meaningful love through drawing closer to God and cultivating positive habits in our lives.

This is a fantastic read and I highly recommend it to all!

[Marissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about attachment theory and how it applies to the gospel. I love what Osguthorpe said about candor with kindness and how love begets love. As you heal and increase your attachment to God, you heal other relationships and your ability to love others grows. Love God first and then love others.

He also said that you can have one attachment style and symptoms of another. I appreciated that because I have not heard it from other attachment scholars.

I highly recommend listening to this one. I love looking at the gospel through this lens and found it super interesting and helpful. It really helped to dissipate any anxiety I was feeling at the time.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not sure how to rate this. I enjoy when theories in psychology are combined with the gospel. I feel they go hand in hand, and I appreciate when others see that connection as well.
I was fine with his explanation of attachment theory since I already knew about it beforehand. I am not sure how it would be perceived by someone hearing about it for the first time if they were relying on his explanations alone. There were good bits of information and inspiration in there. I would still recommend this book even though I think it could have been done better.

[McKay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and marked it up like crazy. Having had few close attachments during my childhood this book helped me to understand why it has carried on into my adulthood and how I can establish strong and lasting attachments moving forward. I look forward to enhancing my attachment with God and His Son Jesus Christ. Definitely worth the read regardless of where you stand with your attachments with God and others.

[Nicole Cornelius · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fantastic book! However, I would suggest actually reading it instead of listening? There were many times I would have liked to have referred to the tables and charts, and felt like there were parts in the book that would have sunk in deeper had I been able to actually read the text and then re-read so certain principles could sink in. Regardless, I really appreciated the principle of attachment in relationships being woven into my faith-based tradition.

[Diego Gonzalez]

You NEED this book!
Understanding how relationships work is SO essential to being able to have good relationships. In Filled with His Love, Osguthorpe defines what happy and healthy relationships look like and you will be able to foster them in your own life. The stories will inspire you, and you’ll want to share them with those that you love. Happy reading!

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I have long felt that relationships are at the core of our existence and what makes any of this matter. I loved reading a book that connected that thought to the context of the gospel.

[Camala · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just couldn't get into this, I got about half way through and couldn't finish. Just not very engaging or really for me that informative. Sorry

[Lin W · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short read! I recommend reading the printed version, not the audio version, because the audio version doesn‘t contain the tables. I thought the book was inspiring to improve relationships overall.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

An inspiring look at Attachment Theory and how it helps us better understand our relationship with God. Very thoughtful and insightful. It made me analyze my most important relationships as well.

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

A mix of research on attachment theory, scriptural ideals, and examples of our we can feel and give love. Pretty insightful.

[Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I finish this book. I feel different. I feel filled with his love. It is a delightful feeling that I hope is a start of a new outlook on life that will bless many people.

I like that each chapter has a summary at the end.

I like the referenced articles - many have hyperlinks.

Attachment styles: (Page 24)
- Secure: Comfortable interacting with other children and caregivers
- Anxious: Became inconsolable at the departure of their mother and had difficulty interacting with others.
- Avoidant: Had no interest in interacting with their mothers.

Page 40
We can begin by reflecting on our own relationship style.
Are there elements of avoidance or anxiety in how we relate to others?
Or do we naturally form lasting, secure relationships with others?
Did we enjoy a healthy attachment to our family members and friends?
Has our attachment to God always been positive and strong?
What about our spouse or prospective spouse?
What was his or her relationship to others and to God?
What effects do our spouse’s attachments have on our marriage and on our attachment to God?
Page 40-41
Does personal anxiety ever put a strain on your attachment?
Do you worry that your spouse does not love you as much as you desire?
Do you or your spouse ever want to avoid each other due to a momentary lack of trust?
Do you ever avoid your mate because you don’t want to complicate things?
Do you wish your spouse could provide you with more safety and protection?
Do you wish your spouse could help you be more creative and take risks that could lead to a more fulfilling and productive life?

[Larsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is quite rare for me not to want to lay a book down, but this book was so uplifting for me that after finishing one short chapter I was anxious for the next. Osguthorpe is an excellent teacher, and the lesson of the book is presented with proficient love. The psychology of attachment is presented in a simple, clearly understandable way, easily applicable in analyzing my own attachment to God, to my wife, and to all others. The real life illustrative stories truly warmed my heart. Imagine -- growing up across the fence from the Gordon B. Hinckley family and being best friends with President and Sister Hinckley's son Clark. And one of Brother Osguthorpe's mentors was Grant Von Harrison, who near the end of my first mission was second counselor to my mission president. It was revealing to learn of Grant Von's health struggle, but this was just one of many teaching stories. The motivation was there to want and to work for secure, rather than anxious or avoidant, attachment. My wife Maurine has already recommended that we buy a copy of the book based only on my positive comments even though I have said little except to invite her, as lovingly as I can, to read the book so that we can study it together.