Single, Just Because: A Pilgrimage into Holy Aloneness

by Bridget Gee

"Why are you single?"

"Just because."

However we answer that question, what's more important than why we are single is how we live as singles. Regardless of our relationship status, all of us are called to a life of vital discipleship. And walking with God can reshape singleness into a pilgrimage of transformation.

Pilgrim and podcaster Bridget Gee shares her singular journey of vibrant life in the kingdom of God. Her travels have become a personal pilgrimage of walking with God and others, experiencing spiritual formation in the ups and downs of literal mountains and valleys. She explores her longings and hopes in vulnerable narratives, navigating issues of identity, community, mental health, dating, sexuality, and more.

Gee invites us into a purposeful story of following Jesus in life not as we think it might be, but as it really is. The pilgrim journey takes us places we did not expect to become people we did not know we could be.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christian, Sexuality, Relationships

200 pages, Paperback

Published October 18, 2022

About the author

Bridget Gee is the host of "Soladarity- the Singleness Podcast" and has a degree in Creative Writing from the University of Arizona. Although her Bachelor's is in fiction writing, she's been writing non-fiction for the majority of her adult life and career.

Her debut book, Single, Just Because, tells the story of her experience of singleness in the Western evangelical context.

She currently works as the Spiritual Formation Coordinator for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's Study Abroad team directing overseas pilgrimages.

Reviews

[Kate The Book Addict · Rating 5 out of 5]

A special thanks to InterVarsity Press and Author Bridget Gee for my ARC of “Single Just Because: A Pilgrimage Into Holy Aloneness” for an unbiased review.
5-STARS!!
EXCELLENT, HEARTFELT, VULNERABLE, CHRIST-CENTERED VERY-NEEDED BOOK. The church has always focused heavily on singles marrying other Christian singles, which is logical because of the need for Christian-raised children with strong, community-based selfless Christian values willing to help the unfortunate and to further propagate in His name. But missing people who are single, whether it be for a specific, limited time or for life, unfairly and wrongfully excludes a considerable and valuable portion of the church, unnecessarily making singles feel unimportant and like outcasts. The fact is, a walk with God is always singular—no one can do it for you. There’s a lot of weighty issues in our world (both positive and negative) but inclusivity within the values of Christianity is crucial, especially as divorce rates are so high and you’re married today and single tomorrow is now common. The church is especially guilty of ignoring single people, particularly the leaders and other church goers, and this judgmental behavior is unacceptable per Christ (who did He talk most compassionately with? And who did He most fervently scold?). Author Bridget Gee offers up so much of herself for such an honest, very needed book that should be a welcomed class in every church. She’s young enough to affect the younger generation while also experienced in life. Easy to read, wonderful book everyone should read, whether Christian or not, because Singleness is important too in inclusivity and meeting people where they are, not just where society currently bullies people into norms to be. A must read.

[Rachel B · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is part memoir, part inspirational, Christian teaching. I didn't love the combination.

Gee shares her own story of being single, which was fine, but when she tried speaking for all singles, or all Christians, in general, it rubbed me the wrong way. Because, no, we don't all have the same personality as the author, so we don't all think like her. She would randomly remind the reader that "this is just my story, and yours might look different," but then in the next paragraph was using the collective again: "We do this or that, don't we?"

I also can't say I agree with her perspective… For example, she talks about romance as if it has nothing to do with a romantic relationship - which it really does, by definition.

In chapter 8, "Embracing My Authentic Self," the author comes across like a selfish, self-centered brat, demanding that others accept her as she is, but not extending that same gift to others. She states at one point, "I don't think I am even close to being capable of that kind of destruction." This was a huge red flag to me. The reality is that each of us is capable of the worst sins imaginable. We need to constantly remain in Jesus, where we have access to His power to avoid sin. But we're all capable.

Then there's some random racism thrown in, in chapter 9, "Holy Alonenes." Gee says, "In White American culture, we treat time as such a commodity. Time should produce something. It should make goods or money or value." She goes on talking about "White America," like it's got a monopoly on sin. Whites aren't the only race in America that value productivity over other things. Why wouldn't "America" have sufficed here?

All in all, there are better books to read on singleness.

I received a copy of this ebook from the publisher via NetGalley.

[Kate Trimble]

This book was….not it for me. Have been on the hunt for literature on single women in the church, who are happy to be single & how they overcome the expectations the church places so heavily on our shoulders. I thought the title of this book “Single Just Because” would lead to the perfect book on this topic! But it was more memoir than anything else. A memoir about Bridget desperately wanting a husband and never getting one and how she has survived not getting one… and several other problems mixed in. The chapters didn’t really match their titles all the time, she jumped from topic to topic and I’d sometimes wonder “am I still in the ‘Holy Aloneness’ chapter?” Or “now how on earth did this match what she was just talking about?”
Not the type of book I needed in this season…. Felt like I was just reading the memoir of a woman who needs to find her value outside of a marriage with a man.

[Alison Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an advance copy because I interview Bridget on my podcast. I loved this book! I appreciate how her book is a celebration of singlehood while also not shying away from the pain associate with longing & desire. Bridget is funny and heartfelt. We need more humor in Christian books.

[Felicia Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not single. In fact I’ve hardly known singleness. However, I felt profoundly impacted by this book. Yes, the title has the word single in it, yes it is a story about Bridget’s singleness but it is so much more than that. It’s invitation to know yourself, to know who you are in Christ, to know that we are designed for people and community but those look different in various seasons and those are never meant to take the place of God. I feel inspired to live my single friends better, to make sure there’s space for them, and to make sure the church makes space for them too. Even more than that, this book revived my soul. It’s an incredible read no matter your stage in life. 10/10 highly recommended.

[Faith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Written partly like a memoir and partly like a self help book, the author tells her own story of singleness and her personal journey so far, as well as share encouragement that helped her.

This was an interesting read to be sure, partly because in many ways the book felt at times like a personal story and other times it was almost too broad and encompassing. There were moments that I definitely stopped and was like, "Yes, she gets it that is exactly how I feel," and others where I found that how she got to her conclusions so vastly different from my own beliefs that it was distracting. I think that it is good to hear different perspectives, but oddly the moments that were more relatable were the more personal, and the ones that were more broad felt more out of step for me.

In the end this was a quick read, she has many good points about our walk with God needing to be the main thing and I thought she nailed how maybe the church doesn't need to focus so much on preparing people to be married, but rather disciples. But ultimately, this book isn't one that stands out in a crowd on this topic for me.

I received a complimentary ecopy of this book. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.

[Daniel Greiwe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciate Bridget’s perspective and the wisdom she has to share from her experience as a young adult who happens to be single. The church needs to hear more voices like hers speaking on the topics of marriage, dating, sexuality, gender, community, etc.

Maybe the antidote to our idolatry of marriage isn’t more resources on marriage with “better” theology. Maybe the best way to resist an overly sexualized culture isn’t devoting the majority of our youths’ formative instructional years to purity culture and abstinence programs. Maybe, just maybe, God has granted single Christians a much needed balm for our wounds from the raging fires of the Evangelical sexual ethic.

[Meagan | The Chapter House · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars, rounded up to 3.

I particularly appreciated the author’s argument that the church spends more time preparing people for marriage than it does for being “part of the global church…we’ve spent too much time on marriage discipleship for single people.” Amen, Bridget…amen.

That being said, the author and I have some wildly different theological beliefs (notably around sex, sexual identity, and activities therein). Differing opinions and beliefs can be good, opening up dialogue and considering why we believe what we do. Absolutely necessary. But, those diverging beliefs ultimately detracted too much for me in the read. I would have liked to see some biblical basis provided, and it simply wasn’t there.

I received an eARC of the book from the publisher via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

[Courtney Clapp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bridget invites us into her experience with singleness and life with God in a way that is honest, engaging, raw and beautiful. This book is not a singleness 'guide' if you will, rather it gives fresh insight and perspective about life and ultimately what journeying with Jesus can be like. You will gain deeper insight, fresh perspective and ultimately be encouraged to continue your pilgrimage journey. I truly love the authors writing style - I couldn't put this book down! I benefited greatly from reading this book as a married person, and will reccomend it to everyone - single or not. I wish I could give this book more than 5 stars!!!

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very heartfelt look at singleness within the church. Much of it was written through the lens of the author's own experiences, and it read like a memoir in parts.

There was a lot in this that was relatable, and I appreciate the author's efforts efforts to write a book on such an important topic. What I liked most about this was the author's honesty about her own experiences and desires.

While I think a lot of what was discussed was pretty broadly applicable, there were definitely some sections that felt more targeted specifically to single women.

I do wish there were more books whose target audience was non-single people. Books like these place the burden on the single folks to pushback on theology that is overly marriage focused and to carve out their own place within the church, but in reality, a lot of problems could be alleviated if churches would just be more inclusive.

Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC!

[Teagan · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I could give this book 0 stars, I would. I didn't even finish this book, and it's been a long time since I had a dnf. The author was whiny and annoying, even as a fellow single person. I felt as though she focused too much on "not being chosen for marriage" and not enough on choosing to be single just because. She lamented for half the book about wanting a husband and God never providing. I couldn't stand the whining anymore and didn't finish the book.

[Brenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love myself a good chat on singleness. It was really neat how she approached this from the perspective of a pilgrimage. The first chapter or so I felt like all I did was underline because it all hit home so, so well. It’s always so encouraging hearing others put words to how you feel. Singleness is a tricky journey and while I don’t feel mine has been quite as torturous as Gee’s, it’s sure been difficult to navigate amongst mostly married friends. Even when explaining it, it still doesn’t really resonate or take root. And why should it? Marriage feels the same way for me because it’s not my life experience.

I don’t know what else to say on this except if you’re single or even just want to relate better to your single friends….this book will certainly not disappoint. It’s such an important message and I pray more people find their way to this little gem of wisdom. A friend of mine got it for me a while back and I’m so glad she did!

[Libby · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the book I wish had existed when I was in my 30s. Gee shares vulnerably about her ongoing journey into "holy aloneness". She has much wisdom, starting with the awareness that her journey is not everyone's, but reminding all of us who are single that we are called to our own pilgrimages to meet God. Occasionally, I rolled my eyes; she is still only 30. Those of us who have traveled this path for more years may have insights to add to hers. Because she shares her story so well, there will be more space for more stories of other singles journeying into this holy space. A book I will be recommending.
Review based on an eARC received through NetGalley.

[Madelyn VK · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest, worthwhile read.

[RG]

Enacting my policy that an intensely personal book written by a real life person = no star rating.

Let’s start with some good bits. One chapter is a creative reimagining of the story of the widow who gives all that she has at the temple, and I found Gee’s writing perhaps at its most effective here. Gee also shares openly about modes of visual prayer that proved healing for her in unpacking shame around her identity, and those passages seemed solid. She also openly processes some of her uncertainty in nailing down her personal sexual ethic (namely, what she believes about masturbation for unmarried people), and while she doesn’t get into any theological specifics as to what is driving her processing, the fact that she broaches that taboo at all feels helpfully shame-killing. No matter where people fall theologically on that issue, I think that Gee’s honesty in addressing the topic at all is a breath of fresh air.

Gee also calls out what she sees as destructive beliefs within North American Evangelical subculture: namely, that our hyper-focus on sex and idolization of marriage has caused us to objectify and dehumanize our fellow image-bearers and miss out on the real, lifegiving potential of opposite-sex friendships and community. That is worth saying again and again, in as many forms and from as many perspectives as it takes. Our imaginations are impoverished if we think that the best that God has for us is to pine after a romantic partner until we either marry one or die (and view all members of the opposite sex as only potential mates in the interim).

That being said, Gee’s book does less than I think others have done in this conversation to propose what expanding our imaginations re: vibrant community for unmarried folk might look like. What could single people do other than articulate that they have needs when they have needs, enforce boundaries when they feel taken advantage of? What could married people do to invite single people into the rhythms of their lives? Is there a role that chosen or committed family might play in easing burdens for single people? At the end of this book, we don’t quite know, and I wonder what, after the mountaintop experience described at the end of the book, really changed for Gee in relation to her singleness or her unhealthy relationship to her work.

Parts of this book are very personal, and some (especially interpersonal conflicts) don’t necessarily feel like they should have been shared at all. (I hope they were shared with permission from the other parties). One passage in particular where Gee bemoans a teammate asking her to be more culturally sensitive (and specifically quiet) while serving on a cross-cultural team sorta gave me the ick (but I, too, bear the cross of being a loud, extroverted American who sometimes works overseas, so I might be projecting).

I also feel for Gee who says she has felt God calling her to trust Him in her singleness over the years but hasn’t ever felt a call to vocational celibacy, a sign to commit to her singleness permanently. The tension that she lives in, never knowing if marriage might one day become a part of her story while still longing for it deeply, has to be a painful one at times. I can perhaps better understand what sometimes feels like a whiny tone when I ground my reading in that reality.

On the whole, some bits I appreciated and others were decidedly not for me, and I think that’s okay. If this book really speaks to you in your singleness, praise God; I hope you are able to find that He surprises you with joy, healing, and wonder along your pilgrimage.

[Anna Tan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most Christian books on being single end up talking about how to be married. Or you find out at the end of it that the author, while writing about being single, is actually married...or about to be. Which, I mean, isn't their fault, but it kind of leaves you feeling a little let down because...reasons.

Bridget Gee is still blessedly single at the end of this book. And in her thirties. Which makes this book very relatable, like we're all in this together! It's the story of Gee's life, the ups and downs of being single, and how the church fails the singles in their community. Which is great to read, but at the same time...not very useful. Maybe because it seems to meander a little halfway through. Yes, each chapter ends with a Pilgrimage Moment, a call to action to pause, reflect, pray. But getting to the end also leaves you with a big fat "So?"

Maybe I'm just expecting too much. But I'm also reading this after a camp for Christians in their 30s to 40s, where the session on "relationships" was still very much about how to find a spouse, rather than...what should you do/expect if you find yourself still single at this stage of life? (Bearing in mind that probably 90% of the campers were singles.) Should you start building your life on the expectation of remaining single? Or do you keep waiting and hoping to get married? It does emphasise Gee's point that the church is failing to see the bigger picture - and thus failing the singles in their community - by buying into the world's "sense of entitlement to marriage [that] turns singleness into a problem, a curse, or a burden." I think I just need something more concrete than what Gee is offering in this book.

She does point out the truth that:

...the journey of singleness leads deeper into God's presence, or what I like to call "holy aloneness" - the place where you are wholly known, wholly seen, and wholly loved by your Creator. That's the place we all belong.

affirms that:

It's okay to want something you don't know you will ever have.

and also acknowledges that:

At the core of our discomfort in being physically or relationally alone, we long for this affirmation. That we are whole, no matter what we're offering, no matter our limitations. We need to experience the freedom of simply existing, to not produce or strive or hustle for a bit. To be gentle with ourselves and treat ourselves with kindness.

In a world that centres romantic/sexual relationships above all else, Gee invites Christian singles to press into learning how to be alone with God. It may not offer practical life skills but is thought-provoking in how it offers suggestions on how to deal with your expectations and spiritual life.

Note: I received a digital ARC of this book from InterVarsity Press via NetGalley. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.

[Renae Stahl · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Experiencing romance means practicing presence, being available to what’s in front of you...If you can revel in the divine of your friends, family members and partners, you will also have grace and love for them in the moments when it’s hard."

As someone who is single and prefers it that way (for now🙃). I was excited to get my hands on "Single, Just Because".

Bridget Gee starts by likening singleness to "pilgrimage," a theme that she loosely threads throughout the book by creating space for "pilgrimage moments" that take you out of the narrative and introduce you to little practices on prayer, or tips for hospitality that you can incorporate into your own life.

This was my favourite aspect of the book. It was meaningful and just poetic enough to draw me in.

Unfortunately, the rest if fell flat for me and I'm still not sure why. As someone who thinks marriage is beautiful but not the only way to experience a fulfilled life, Gee's story and the way she interacts with her singleness is important to me. What she does share of her life was relatable and I enjoyed the glimpses into her struggle in seeing God answer so many of her prayers but falling silent on the one that felt most urgent to her heart.

So why didn't I love the book? I haven't quite put my figure on it but somehow it seemed to lack direction; I wasn't always sure where we were going or why this was important to the story, other than it being part of her story. Perhaps it's simply that I do not identify with her intense longing for a husband as I have not experienced singleness in the same way yet. (Although I've read and loved many books where I was able to invest myself in the "main character's" plight without it being a problem that personally related to my own life.)

I do wish I had loved this book. I think that it has so much potential, especially since "Girl Meets God," has resonated with a lot of readers and it does have similar elements and themes going for it.

That said, if you are single and struggling with loneliness or feel like God doesn't hear you, this book might resonate more for you, than it did for me. It could be a thoughtful companion to walk with you on that journey.

[Michelle Kidwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Single, Just Because
A Pilgrimage into Holy Aloneness
by Bridget Gee
Pub Date 18 Oct 2022
InterVarsity Press, IVP
Christian | Nonfiction (Adult) | Religion & Spirituality



I am reviewing a copy of Single, Just Because through Intervarsity press and Netgalley:



Why are you single? , when you answer Just because However what's more important than why we are single is how we live as singles. Regardless of our relationship status, all of us are called to a life of vital discipleship.


And walking with God can reshape singleness into a pilgrimage of transformation. Pilgrim and podcaster Bridget Gee shares her singular journey of vibrant life in the kingdom of God.


Her travels have become a personal pilgrimage of walking with God and others, experiencing spiritual formation in the ups and downs of literal mountains and valleys. She explores her longings and hopes in vulnerable narratives, navigating issues of identity, community, mental health, dating, sexuality, and more. Gee invites us into a purposeful story of following Jesus in life not as we think it might be, but as it really is. The pilgrim journey takes us places we did not expect to become people we did not know we could be.

[Adam · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Just Because" sounds like it could be a flippant, non-answer from a moody teenager trying to piss off their parents. However, Bridget Gee is not a moody teenager - at least not anymore. Throughout the chapters, we come to realize that the title has been inspired by Gee's discipleship of doing, acting, loving, and caring without want or need for reciprocation - just because.

There is much to like in this book, and I especially admire Gee's frank and honest writing about topics generally skirted or eschewed outright in many Christian circles. My hope is that the discomfort the author endured even putting these thoughts to the page will help inspire anyone who reads it to stake claim in the topics of love, singleness, and sexuality as their own and begin working through them in a healthier way than they may have been taught.

For a book that explicitly denies being a self-help book, it seems awfully helpful.

[Aaron Carlberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book because of an IVP brochure. I know how poorly the church has done in regard to singles in the past and I was hoping this would offer some insight into moving forward. It didn't really help.

I really do think there is some great things in the book that could help some singles...but I think others will find it lacking. It seems Gee just couldn't stick with a track of how she wanted to write...memoir, self-help, theology, practical living. It is like she tried to scratch the surface of each one while not really going too deep on any of them.

There were some places I thought I wasn't going to finish, it was just too slow to get through...but I made it. 3 Stars...I really wish it could have been more.

[Cassondra Perea · Rating 3 out of 5]

At the start of this book, loved it. I felt seen and like God was speaking into me. Sadly, I began to struggle. Some of Bridget’s thinking was outside of my comfort zone. I do appreciate reading about a different perspective on my faith, but I will have to agree to disagree.

I do appreciate the vulnerability Bridget brought. She shared some of the most personal experiences a person can for the sake of helping others. I can see her goal of reaching others for God being accomplished!

Special thanks to NetGalley.com and InterVarsity Press for allowing me to read this book in exchange for my honest feedback.

[Brandi Davis · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. As I see it, this book was part memoir, part exhortation, and part invitation. I enjoyed hearing the author’s story (I listened on audio) and her experience with singleness throughout different periods of her life. It was also nice to see her evolve in her understanding of singleness and marriage. There were so many parts of the book that I found myself nodding in agreement with, but there was some disagreement with some of the practices that she suggests in her “pilgrimage moments” at the end of the chapters. It wouldn’t be a book that I recommend, but I wouldn’t dissuade others from reading it either.

[Alexis Hope · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very special to me because Bridget is very special to me. I know her words come from the heart, and for much of the book I could imagine her reading the words to me as if we were in the same room. She’s an excellent storyteller, and this book is a beautiful story of struggle, endurance, and personal growth, with Jesus there on every step of the way. I’m someone who is very frustrated with my singleness, but I’m trying to take Bridget’s guidance to heart, and her story has helped me to feel hopeful and not so alone. Her journey has blessed mine in many ways, and I know this is a book I will come back to again and again as I go through life. I hope it blesses yours too!

[Kasaundra · Rating 4 out of 5]

READ THROUGH NETGALLEY. ⅘ stars. Christian living. For starters, this book was just the right length. Sometimes when I read Christian living books I feel like they go on forever saying the same thing over and over again, and this book did not do that. I did really enjoy this book, there were a lot of things that Bridget said that really resonated with me. I definitely would recommend it to both single and nonsingle people. Bridget was honest about her story, and I really appreciate that and I think that everyone can learn something from it.

[Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is incredibly real, incredibly heartfelt and vulnerable. It gives you a zest for life no matter if you are single or not. It is a love letter to God and life, as well as a love letter from God through Bridget. A REAL single person writing about what it’s like to be single! Who would’ve thought that would’ve worked so well. Every story was wonderful and I want Bridget to become a memorist!

[Ashley Santos · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is mostly Gee’s memoir. I had high hopes as it started out to say it’s not like other books on singleness and while some is true it’s also like many other books on singleness.
The author generalizes singles too often but is also quick to say this is her story. I found some pieces encouraging but all in all I felt like I was listening to someone complain.

[Lyss · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was honestly such a great read! Some of the chapters are definitely very convicting when it comes to my walk, but it convicted me for the better. I really do recommend it for everyone to read, because it really shows you how to be content throughout every season, no matter what your relationship status is.

[Darnell Rohrer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honesty and vulnerability, mixed with quite a bit of teaching and personal opinion.

Written from one human's perspective on the complexities and gifts that are found in wrestling with singleness in a Christian community.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not single and haven’t been for more than 40 years. Nonetheless, I copied ideas from the book that are meaningful for anyone. Also, her stories were engaging.

[Sheila · Rating 1 out of 5]

I could not finish this book. It was not what I expected at all.