A Complicated Choice: Making Space for Grief and Healing in the Pro-Choice Movement

by Katey Zeh, Alexis McGill Johnson (Foreword)

Too often, the public abortion debate depicts the experience of ending a pregnancy in falsely simplistic terms. Anti-abortion activists falsely contend that abortion is always emotionally damaging for the pregnant person, while pro-choice activists focus on honoring bodily autonomy and personal conscience without always giving voice to the nuances of abortion itself. In particular, the pro-choice movement fails to acknowledge that some people experience abortion as a kind of loss.

A Complicated Choice addresses the fact that abortion stigma is ubiquitous, even among those who identify as pro-choice. We have not been supportive of people who have abortions, especially those whose experiences are complicated and involve grief and loss. Bringing the reader along the journeys of those who have had abortions, Rev. Katey Zeh opens up space for the complexities of our reproductive lives, giving voice to the experiences of grief, loss, and healing surrounding abortion experiences. She weaves these personal stories with key insights from the fields of psychology, theology, and public policy to illuminate the systemic injustices that undergird the conditions that shape a person's decision to end a pregnancy.

A Complicated Choice goes beyond the falsely simplistic terms "pro-life" and "pro-choice" that define the public abortion debate and centers the real people making the decision to end a pregnancy in the context of their full lives and circumstances. A call to people of faith and to all people to examine our judgments about people who have abortions, we are invited into the act of sacred listening to the real stories of those most impacted. By focusing on these experiences, we will be drawn away from the stalemate of debate and into a spiritual response rooted in compassion for those who end pregnancies.

Genres: Nonfiction, Social Justice

187 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 15, 2022

Reviews

[Meghan Tschanz · Rating 5 out of 5]

compassion in the abortion debate is deeply needed, and this book helps us get there.

[Cindy Petzoldt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Personal stories are compelling because they draw us in and make us identify with people and situations that we otherwise might not ever consider. Author Katey Zeh has done an amazing job at eliciting stories from a diverse group of pregnant people — each of whom has had an intense experience with abortion. Abortion is as complex a topic as pregnancy — there are sad stories, frightening stories, stories about emotional and physical healing, stories about abuse and poverty and privilege. I read this for a book club and we had a wonderful discussion about our own feelings afterwards. Reading this book is causing me to think with greater compassion for all pregnancies, whether carried to term or not, and for the thousands of people whose lives are forever changed.

I hope everyone picks up this book and reads it — it’s an easy read, but it will make you think. However you feel about abortion, please read this book.

[Daryn Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so grateful Katey Zeh wrote this book. I'm grateful for the folks who shared their stories with her, and that she had the courage and fortitude to bring them together so skillfully. Rather than arguing the tired and circular debate of whether and how abortion access should be regulated, she brings us human stories. It's an invitation to grow in radical empathy and compassion, and it has the power to heal so many.

[magno]

solid read (for work which is why i went slow). compassion and love are at the center of this work. as someone with no religious upbringing it felt valuable to read and get this perspective

the chapter about the young girls got me thinking a lot about how to intentionally create additional opportunities for choice and autonomy when working with adolescents. a great reminder.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved hearing a person of deep faith draw out theological threads from complex and emotional stories about the abortion experience. It reminded me that religious conservatives don't have the final word on what God wants or doesn't want. I think if more spiritual leaders approached the world with such thoughtful nuance, religious practice/affiliation would not be declining quite so quickly!

[Ari Alius · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is another book I wish everyone would read, but especially anyone who has been taught through a Christian lens that abortion is a sin. As someone who grew up in a religion where that was very much the rhetoric, I’ve had to put in work to get to the pro-choice mentality I have today. I wish I had had a chance to read this years ago when I was going through that mental shift. This book does an amazing job affirming a pro-choice stance through a religious lens. It was quite refreshing for me to see someone use Bible verses to support access to reproductive healthcare and bodily autonomy. The author is an ordained Baptist minister who interviewed pregnant people who have had abortions and each chapter has their stories. I’m a strong believer that growing your understanding, empathy, and compassion comes through listening to and learning from others and this book gives everyone a chance to do that.

For anyone who is still figuring out how they feel about abortion, Katey Zeh does a great job creating a safe space for you to acknowledge and honor any thoughts and feelings that come up while you’re reading this book.

Thank you Katie and thank you to all of the people who shared their stories.

[Lucy Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. I love the space it creates for people’s abortion stories and the fullness of their experience, whether that’s feelings of relief, guilt, sadness, joy, or all of the above. I love the religious lens that Katey uses, the affirmation that God loves us and loves people who have abortions.

I love the emotions it evoked for me, the compassion for these storytellers and the grief in my own religious journey. Highly recommend for Christian people who don’t know how to feel about abortion, or are uncomfortable with it, or people who are already religious and pro choice. Or anyone, really!!

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so enlightening.

I've spent most of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area- I thought I knew a little bit about life. Turns out, I know very little about life.

I've lived most of the last 3 years in Austin. While, it is Austin, you still have Texas just a couple miles away.

Katey Zeh, has done a remarkable job showing compassion and bringing stories together to really show you how an abortion story is everyone's story and the only way to healing is love.

I was introduced to this book by a Justice Pastor leading a book discussion on it. #doingchurchright

[Robb · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the privilege of reading an advanced copy so I could interview the author on my podcast. This isn’t just a good book. It’s an important book. The stories of abortion were so powerful. This book is full of humanity. It is full of honesty, compassion, and faith. There will be people on “both sides” of the political divide that will hate this book. That’s why it’s so important.

[Kira Austin-Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great entry into the religious reproductive rights space that grapples with the complexity of abortion stories.

[Gabrielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting perspective grounded in Christianity

[Antona Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as part of a study with a multigenerational and multiracial group of individuals who centered those who were truly making these complicated choices and having the support, autonomy, and resources to be able to what they needed for their health. What made this a beautiful read was that the essays were from multiple voices representing many faith expressions, life situations, and marital status. It was read before the fateful U.S. Supreme Court Decision in May. As the days unfold with some taking back their rights, this book should be a centered.

[Clare Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though I am not a religious person, I can not speak more highly of this book. It's refreshing to see a religious official speak so compassionately about such a controversial topic. Zeh's work is the perfect marriage of compassion and spiritual connection. This could be the perfect book for a religious individual struggling with any difficult choice in their reproductive health.

Click hereto see my full review.

[Cassidy McMackon · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is important in that it shares the experiences of folks who have had abortions in a compassionate way, but Zeh lost me from the beginning when she betrays her audience by masquerading as someone who’s had an abortion herself when she was simply working at a clinic. Zeh fails to capture any moral deliberative agency of her subjects, and she paints healing from an abortion as something that is passive and given by the grace of God. While I think there’s good intentions behind this book, it’s written by a Christian women for a progressive Christian audience who is still grappling with the abortion question, and is not a work that can be applied in a broader political sphere to emphasize women and folks who can become pregnant as agents who have an explicit need for choice.

[Lynne · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5/5

[Eady Jay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a thorough and convicting look at why people choose to have abortions and why they should be supported in their decisions. Katey shares many stories of people who have had abortions and the variety of reasons and complexities that go into their decision.

The reason that struck me the most—and the one I had overlooked the most—was the mental health of the person having the abortion. Sometimes pregnancy hormones can actually trigger suicidal thoughts and debilitating depression. Some pregnant people are unable to work and generate the income they need to support both themselves and their baby. They may choose to have an abortion to regain a healthy emotional state and return to work.

Another example was of a person in an abusive relationship that is trying to leave that relationship and start fresh. Having a baby with an abusive partner would make it a lot more challenging to break free from that relationship.

The timing of a conception can have a profound affect on whether a parent can continue studying, working and achieving their dreams. While this may on the surface sound selfish, there is also gender discrimination involved here as we know that people with vaginas and ovaries are the one who are more likely to be restricted by pregnancy, childbirth and even child-rearing, than, say, the person who does the impregnating.

The vast majority of people who have abortions, do not regret their abortion. They do, however, often need to grieve their abortion. Grief and regret are absolutely not the same. It is normal and valid to feel sadness over an ill-timed conception, or because a baby is not viable (not compatible with the world as we know it), or for any number of reasons, and yet still believe abortion to be the right choice. People who have experienced abortion, need compassion and support, not judgment and shame.

While this book is clearly a pro-choice argument and one that stresses compassion above all else, Katey states that in her ideal vision for the world no one would need an abortion. People would have access to universal health care; access to birth control and healthy sex-education; there would be paid parental leave from work after a baby is born; there would be more financial support for parents raising children; there would be top prenatal care regardless of gender, sexuality, race or other factors.

I am both pro-life and pro-choice. I deeply appreciated this book because it promotes grace, love, compassion and acceptance. This book seeks to reduce the need for abortion while affirming the right to have an abortion. It is an abuse to power to refuse a person the right to choose and restrict access to healthy abortion care.

[Laura Dallas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zeh's book provides a much-needed perspective in the discussion about abortion. People of faith get abortions - for many different reasons. Zeh reminds us that the reasons (many surprising ones are revealed in this book) matter much less than the person. When a person of faith gets an abortion or is going through a discernment process about an unintended pregnancy, they need support from their faith community. Zeh provides practical steps on how people of faith and faith communities can confront their feelings about abortion so that they can provide compassion to those in need. There are more pro-choice people of faith than there are who are anti-choice. Zeh provides the history, stories, insight, and action steps needed so that people of faith can change the narrative around abortion to make space for compassion and healing.

[Katelyn Bryant-comstock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listening to and respecting the full spectrum of stories about abortion is a critical aspect for anyone working in reproductive justice. Rev. Katey Zeh's new book does just that. It provides a space for us to listen, learn, and acknowledge different individuals' experience with abortion, even when they don't line up with the neatly crafted usual narrative. This is a must read, not just for people in the movement, but for everyone.

[Sam Nicholes]

The author discusses abortion, birth control, and gynecological health from a science, policy, and theological perspective. She relates the stories of those who have experienced abortion under diverse circumstances. She takes a professional and moderated approach.
The book can be tagged as being pro-choice.

[Cadence · Rating 2 out of 5]

Much too churchy for me personally, but valuable stories - definitely more for folks who are just beginning to unpack their biases around abortion.