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Single & Secure: Break Up with the Lies and Fall in Love with the Truth
The latest book from Pastor Rich Wilkerson Jr., Single & Secure, is a guide for living a fulfilling, abundant life, single. “Your best days are the days you live to the fullest. That starts now. Your best days aren’t the ones that lie ahead, somewhere on the other side of romance, a career, or a family. Your best days are the ones you’re living now.” Rich Wilkerson, Jr., has encouraged, counseled and led thousands of individuals through the different seasons that life brings. His message in this book is clear, life is made of seasons, and no season is lost or forever. Rich explains that marriage does not produce contentment. Rather, contentment comes from learning to find value in the season you’re experiencing today. With his typical wit and profound insight into the gospel and culture, Rich will take us on a journey to see the beautiful, fun, productive stage of life called being single in a new way. With that in mind, if you are single, were single, or know a single, this book is for you.
306 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 9, 2022
94 people are currently reading
411 people want to read
About the author
Rich Wilkerson Jr.
7 books79 followersRich Wilkerson, Jr. and his wife, DawnCheré, are the founders of the VOUS Church in Miami and the annual VOUS Conference on South Beach at the historic Fillmore Theater. Rich is also the host of the weekly talk show Top3 on JUCE TV, which features popular Christian personalities and round table discussion on current news. An internationally recognized speaker, Rich has logged over two million air miles preaching the gospel to hundreds of thousands of people around the globe. www.vouschurch.com
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
April 24, 2022
I was attracted to this book because. As a never-been-married person, I’m always watching for positive messages for Christian Singles. I saw Rich bring a message on youtube and checked out his books.
This book was about. The book encourages you to be confident and content with the season of life you find yourself. Rick addresses many of the negative thoughts of the world and often the church casts on single living with sound Christ-oriented arguments.
Things I liked about this book. This was the most enjoyable and though provoking book on Christian Single living I have read. And I’ve spent decades reading them. I felt like I was in a conversation with Rick rather than a lecture. He brings in reverent examples and testimonies from friends throughout the book.
Why you should read this book. If you doubting the season you are in, this book will encourage you to a new resolve. Even if you are confident with your life, Rich’s words will embolden your purpose in your walk with Christ.
This book lived up to the back cover copy. As I closed the book, I felt more secure in my single life.
This book was about. The book encourages you to be confident and content with the season of life you find yourself. Rick addresses many of the negative thoughts of the world and often the church casts on single living with sound Christ-oriented arguments.
Things I liked about this book. This was the most enjoyable and though provoking book on Christian Single living I have read. And I’ve spent decades reading them. I felt like I was in a conversation with Rick rather than a lecture. He brings in reverent examples and testimonies from friends throughout the book.
Why you should read this book. If you doubting the season you are in, this book will encourage you to a new resolve. Even if you are confident with your life, Rich’s words will embolden your purpose in your walk with Christ.
This book lived up to the back cover copy. As I closed the book, I felt more secure in my single life.
April 29, 2024
Excellent book! Wish I read it 8 years ago (even though that would not have been possible, as it was only published in 2022).
Not only applicable to unmarried/single people, so many gold nuggets and truths in this book applicable to anyone.
Not only applicable to unmarried/single people, so many gold nuggets and truths in this book applicable to anyone.
April 8, 2022
I hadn’t come across a book about being single before. I was hesitant to read it as the author is happily married and has been for a long time. I was expecting it to be cheesy.
But….I absolutely loved it! Took my pen and underlined a lot and found myself retracing those parts and chewing on some convicting thoughts throughout the day.
I loved this book! I’m very thankful the author saw a need for this book and took the time to right it.
Nope, it was NOT cheesy.
But….I absolutely loved it! Took my pen and underlined a lot and found myself retracing those parts and chewing on some convicting thoughts throughout the day.
I loved this book! I’m very thankful the author saw a need for this book and took the time to right it.
Nope, it was NOT cheesy.
October 10, 2022
Your best days are the ones you live to the fullest.
Easy is not the goal, though. The goal is to make the most of the life that’s been given to you. To love God and love the people around you. To laugh a lot more and stress out a little less. To choose gratitude over bitterness, joy over resentment, patience over frustration, love over selfishness. The goal is to live in security and confidence in God and in yourself. You already have what you need to be secure: God’s grace, the power to choose, and a sense of humor. Oh, and coffee. What else could you want? You’ve got this.
But if you know God, and if He is your primary pursuit, you don’t have to stress about things you can’t control anyway. God will guide you both.
Whether you are single, engaged, or married, you need to continually evaluate your approach to relationship. Not with a terrified, I-might-mess-this-up mentality, but with the confidence that comes from knowing God wants to lead you into a healthy, stable future. You can always learn more, and you can always grow. That’s one of the greatest things about being a human.
Even if you’ve gone through some complicated relationship, don’t give up on finding love. Even if you’ve failed loved ones in the past, don’t give up on being a good friend or lover. Even if you’ve experienced abuse, trauma, or abandonment, don’t give up on people.
Turn to God. Let Him bring healing, hope, and love. Let Him give you security and strength in who you are. And then, as He leads you forward, be willing to embrace new and better ways of relating to people.
You must decide to be secure and to make the most of every day.
Easy is not the goal, though. The goal is to make the most of the life that’s been given to you. To love God and love the people around you. To laugh a lot more and stress out a little less. To choose gratitude over bitterness, joy over resentment, patience over frustration, love over selfishness. The goal is to live in security and confidence in God and in yourself. You already have what you need to be secure: God’s grace, the power to choose, and a sense of humor. Oh, and coffee. What else could you want? You’ve got this.
But if you know God, and if He is your primary pursuit, you don’t have to stress about things you can’t control anyway. God will guide you both.
Whether you are single, engaged, or married, you need to continually evaluate your approach to relationship. Not with a terrified, I-might-mess-this-up mentality, but with the confidence that comes from knowing God wants to lead you into a healthy, stable future. You can always learn more, and you can always grow. That’s one of the greatest things about being a human.
Even if you’ve gone through some complicated relationship, don’t give up on finding love. Even if you’ve failed loved ones in the past, don’t give up on being a good friend or lover. Even if you’ve experienced abuse, trauma, or abandonment, don’t give up on people.
Turn to God. Let Him bring healing, hope, and love. Let Him give you security and strength in who you are. And then, as He leads you forward, be willing to embrace new and better ways of relating to people.
You must decide to be secure and to make the most of every day.
February 2, 2025
As someone who isn't currently single, but loves being single, I wasn't sure if this book would have much for me. It didn't, but offered a few affirmations of things I already knew/believed.
Giving it a 5 because Wilkerson does a great job of tearing down some of the shame that churches place on young singles and biblically argues for more freedom and security.
Giving it a 5 because Wilkerson does a great job of tearing down some of the shame that churches place on young singles and biblically argues for more freedom and security.
November 24, 2023
Ich finde es nicht sehr fundiert. Kaum Bibelstellen, Basically 3 Hauptgedanken auf 300 Seiten, die wiederholt werden. Ist wahrscheinlich sehr gut für den einen oder anderen aber ich hab mir mehr erhofft.
November 23, 2022
Had really good examples of what to do and how that helps. Had funny/ real examples of what not to do. Emphasized there's no shame or condemnation in Jesus if you have had unholy sexual experience by your own choice or had done to you.
I enjoyed the other leaders of Vous Church sharing their voices in the audio book, too. There are personal stories that related, and that was helpful as well.
The bible book Song of Solomon is used as an example. Perfect, honestly. Lol. This was fantastic and I'm challenged and encouraged. Thank you.
I enjoyed the other leaders of Vous Church sharing their voices in the audio book, too. There are personal stories that related, and that was helpful as well.
The bible book Song of Solomon is used as an example. Perfect, honestly. Lol. This was fantastic and I'm challenged and encouraged. Thank you.
April 2, 2022
A new book written by my pastor. This book was everything! You rarely find books that talk about the single season of one’s life. There are so many books about relationships, but I enjoyed the light it shined on being okay in a season of singleness.
April 4, 2022
Amazing book! A must read for every single person.
December 26, 2025
I have so many thoughts on this book it is difficult to know where to begin. Here are some of my frustrations with this book in no particular order:
- though it is a book claiming that ‘you should be secure in your singleness,’ the ENITRE book consistently operates from the assumption that the reader WILL get married. The author wants to act like you don’t have to get married, but the underlying thread of the book points in the exact opposite direction. (If I had a nickel for every time he called singleness a season, I could pay for the FREAKING WEDDING the author so desperately thinks I should have)
- though this book claims to be grounded in Biblical principals, it is mostly the author’s self improvement advice supposedly supported by Bible verses completely divorced from their context. Not cute. Wilkerson did not put any actual effort into a true theology of sexuality, singleness, or even marriage.
- Some sections of this book hardly even seemed to be from a Christian perspective. He continuously talked about doing what you want to do and what you think is best and what is right for you. While he would add the brief addendum that God should be consulted in this, he does not seem to be operating out of the worldview that our lives are spent nailed to a cross trying to follow Jesus. IN FACT he continuously throughout the book says ‘now obviously you shouldn’t be a martyr’ — HEY WILKERSON, yes we should!!! Whatever ways we can be killed on Christ’s account, absolutely yes we should. Whether that be financially, socially, or even physically, show me where in your Biblical support it says that followers of Jesus should not try to give up their own life on his behalf. I’ll wait.
- this book was published in 2022 and NOT A SINGLE TIME does he address the topic of sexual orientation. This book is written with the overwhelming and obvious assumption that every single reader is straight and can live an easy white picket fence, nuclear family life. If Wilkerson was affirming of same-sex marriage, that would be one thing, since then he could believe that everyone can easily get married to the person they love and are attracted to. But that is not the case, Wilkerson writes from the view that marriage is exclusively between a man and a woman, and yet there is not a SINGLE time in this book he addresses the experience of single queer Christians. This is a devastating and destructive pastoral oversight, and I cannot imagine how invisible and ignored a queer follower of Jess would feel reading this.
- though this book claims to be about Jesus, the entire second half of the book is about dating and marriage. There is an ENTIRE chapter on sex, that exclusively talks about the pros of having sex within marriage and what purity means until then. While the author claims sexuality is at the core of being human, he does not address what positive function (if any?) of sexuality outside of marriage — thus he reaffirms what his book is claiming to dismantle: you can only fully function is you are married. He does not really address anything about how to be a healthy, sexual being outside of marriage, except for clarifying between purity and virginity. Besides that, he talks about how awesome sex is within marriage (sorry all you losers that aren’t married, just don’t be sexual I guess??)
- he does not talk about the value of THE CHURCH in the life of single Christian’s a single time. He briefly mentions friendship and community, but often treats them like a temporary means to an end to prepare you for the true community that is marriage. I am honestly sickened by how little treatment he gives to what community and commitment looks like outside of marriage.
If you are looking for a book on a theology of singleness, do NOT read this one. I recommend Spiritual Friendship by Wesley Hill or No Greater Love by Rebecca McLaughlin.
- though it is a book claiming that ‘you should be secure in your singleness,’ the ENITRE book consistently operates from the assumption that the reader WILL get married. The author wants to act like you don’t have to get married, but the underlying thread of the book points in the exact opposite direction. (If I had a nickel for every time he called singleness a season, I could pay for the FREAKING WEDDING the author so desperately thinks I should have)
- though this book claims to be grounded in Biblical principals, it is mostly the author’s self improvement advice supposedly supported by Bible verses completely divorced from their context. Not cute. Wilkerson did not put any actual effort into a true theology of sexuality, singleness, or even marriage.
- Some sections of this book hardly even seemed to be from a Christian perspective. He continuously talked about doing what you want to do and what you think is best and what is right for you. While he would add the brief addendum that God should be consulted in this, he does not seem to be operating out of the worldview that our lives are spent nailed to a cross trying to follow Jesus. IN FACT he continuously throughout the book says ‘now obviously you shouldn’t be a martyr’ — HEY WILKERSON, yes we should!!! Whatever ways we can be killed on Christ’s account, absolutely yes we should. Whether that be financially, socially, or even physically, show me where in your Biblical support it says that followers of Jesus should not try to give up their own life on his behalf. I’ll wait.
- this book was published in 2022 and NOT A SINGLE TIME does he address the topic of sexual orientation. This book is written with the overwhelming and obvious assumption that every single reader is straight and can live an easy white picket fence, nuclear family life. If Wilkerson was affirming of same-sex marriage, that would be one thing, since then he could believe that everyone can easily get married to the person they love and are attracted to. But that is not the case, Wilkerson writes from the view that marriage is exclusively between a man and a woman, and yet there is not a SINGLE time in this book he addresses the experience of single queer Christians. This is a devastating and destructive pastoral oversight, and I cannot imagine how invisible and ignored a queer follower of Jess would feel reading this.
- though this book claims to be about Jesus, the entire second half of the book is about dating and marriage. There is an ENTIRE chapter on sex, that exclusively talks about the pros of having sex within marriage and what purity means until then. While the author claims sexuality is at the core of being human, he does not address what positive function (if any?) of sexuality outside of marriage — thus he reaffirms what his book is claiming to dismantle: you can only fully function is you are married. He does not really address anything about how to be a healthy, sexual being outside of marriage, except for clarifying between purity and virginity. Besides that, he talks about how awesome sex is within marriage (sorry all you losers that aren’t married, just don’t be sexual I guess??)
- he does not talk about the value of THE CHURCH in the life of single Christian’s a single time. He briefly mentions friendship and community, but often treats them like a temporary means to an end to prepare you for the true community that is marriage. I am honestly sickened by how little treatment he gives to what community and commitment looks like outside of marriage.
If you are looking for a book on a theology of singleness, do NOT read this one. I recommend Spiritual Friendship by Wesley Hill or No Greater Love by Rebecca McLaughlin.
December 28, 2024
Oof, reading this book felt like having the best chat with a mentor, who's able to tell you all the stuff you need to hear and gently encourages you before he has even heard your story. It's such an easy read, I devoured it within 6 days, but the amount of Truth this book contains, man... Other than advice for singles I would also say this book has excellent advice on relationships in general, not just romantic ones, and even just on doing life. There's plenty of humor in there too, and it's really practical with principles to follow introduced per topic/chapter. I dare say this is the best and most useful book I've read this year, apart from the Word of course. And that's something coming from a fairly critical person and avid reader...
April 15, 2022
I have mixed feelings about this book. The first half is excellent and I loved it, but it does not match the second half. The first half discusses how there is nothing wrong with being single and how to be confident in God and yourself through this stage of your life. However, the second half is very relationship heavy and would make more sense as its own book about having a healthy relationship, not about being single, when a relationship may be far away. Overall, it is not a bad book, but somewhat inconsistent in the way the messaging and information comes across.
April 12, 2024
“The goal is to make the most of the life that's been given to you. To love God and love the people around you. To laugh a lot more and stress out a little less. To choose gratitude over bitterness, joy over resentment, patience over frustration, love over selfishness. The goal is to live in security and confidence in God and in yourself.” (283). The book taught me a lot about God, about who I am, about love, relationships, heartbreak, and more.
June 15, 2024
“Adding value makes you more valuable.”
“No one wants to go to work every single day no matter how much they love their job.”
“You don’t know how long you’ll be single. That’s not up to you. But you know what you have in your hands now. You know what opportunities lie before you today.”
“Love is willing to give because love is others-centered. That is the very nature and definition of love. It is expansive; it is generous; it is selfless.”
“No one wants to go to work every single day no matter how much they love their job.”
“You don’t know how long you’ll be single. That’s not up to you. But you know what you have in your hands now. You know what opportunities lie before you today.”
“Love is willing to give because love is others-centered. That is the very nature and definition of love. It is expansive; it is generous; it is selfless.”
September 16, 2023
Great book! Love Pastor Rich and his wife - and this book didn’t disappoint. Such a great reminder that we can’t live life to get the dream job, the perfect marriage or the white picket fence - but that we need to be living and living the life we’re in right now, no matter where you are in life. Great book!
October 17, 2023
Great book, written by an excellent pastor, who has serious experience with the topic.
I’m not a fan of dating books, but this was a fun and simple read.
shifted my thought process on singleness entirely.
I’m not a fan of dating books, but this was a fun and simple read.
shifted my thought process on singleness entirely.
December 30, 2023
Honestly I have read this book through several times. Even now that I am in a long term committed relationship, it's still a great read to get some perspective. I love the stories, how easy it is to read, and it always makes me feel more confident in myself and now my relationship too.
July 15, 2024
some great stuff in here. I liked the beginning of the book where it was specifically targeted towards singles, but as it progressed it turned more and more into a generic relationship book. All good advice in here. But most I’ve heard before.
April 25, 2022
love pastor rich and this book was awesome
October 24, 2022
this book is like affirmation thought and insights for me. feel good after read ❤️
April 23, 2023
I have no words to describe how grateful I am to have read this book.
August 12, 2023
Such a great book to remember where your security should lye. Not in another person to fulfill you, but Christ, and he will help you to live your best life while you wait!
February 24, 2024
took me so long to finish bc honestly i was bored. very repetitive & i didn’t really learn anything new from this unfortunately. but his writing style is lovely as usual.
July 20, 2025
Amazing read. Highly recommend!
February 2, 2026
Literally such an amazing book highly recommend. Probably my favorite book on singleness
November 27, 2025
Found the first half of this book amazingly encouraging and helpful. 5* The encouragement could be used not just for single people, but anyone feeling stuck.
Yet I personally found the second half of the book a bit of a slog to get through; more of the usual Christian dating advice.
Yet I personally found the second half of the book a bit of a slog to get through; more of the usual Christian dating advice.
March 31, 2023
Great book to use as a guide for small group and great conversations.
August 28, 2024
I wanted to read this book since it came out, now I have and I was not disappointed.
As a single woman, who desires one day to have a home of my own (husband &kids), I gotta start with being Secure in my single season. I love this quote "Healthy marriages are made up of healthy individuals"
As a single woman, who desires one day to have a home of my own (husband &kids), I gotta start with being Secure in my single season. I love this quote "Healthy marriages are made up of healthy individuals"
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews