Rattled

by Ellis Gunn

A nail-biting, unputdownable memoir that brings a confronting new perspective on the safety of women and the many ways they are silenced.


'As gripping as a thriller, as moving as a tragedy, as passionate as a polemic and as practical as a manual. An extraordinary, candid, wise and terrifying book for our times.' Jane Caro AM, Award-winning writer

Rattled tells a frighteningly honest story of what it feels like to be pursued by a stalker.

What if your life were suddenly transformed by anxiety and fear? The fear of being alone, the anxiety compelling you to stay in public places and avoid predictable routines. The horrible uncertainty of not knowing whether you should fear for your life, and maybe even the lives of your children. The dreadful knowledge that, ultimately, you are powerless to escape.

Ellis Gunn's world is turned upside down when she realises that she is being followed by a man she doesn't know-and that she can't make him stop. The experience conjures up other incidents of sexual harassment and abuse that she has endured, incidents she often accepted as 'normal'. Spurred on to look deeper, she discovers that stalking is part of an underlying misogyny that more than half the population is dealing with on a daily basis.

Alarming, and at times even darkly amusing, Rattled is a thought-provoking, heart-in-your-throat memoir that begins in outrage and ends with a celebration of the howling winds of change sweeping the globe.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, True Crime, Australia

320 pages, Paperback

Published May 1, 2022

Reviews

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gunn does an excellent job here of interweaving her very personal story of surviving a stalker with thoughtful analysis that explores the perpetuation of cultures of misogyny and violence against women. It’s possible that if you go in just looking for a personal memoir, that you might find this book a bit structurally disjointed. However, I found the interweaving of Gunn’s experience with a stalker, he broader experiences of gendered violence, and anthropological analysis engaging and thought-provoking. Unfortunately this is still a resonant story. Great on audio too.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

The tagline, 'a rare, first person account of surviving a stalker' is somewhat misleading. This is more a collection of essays of the author's experiences with misogyny throughout her life.

[Steph · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very engaging, easy to read memoir-nonfiction hybrid.

The problem is though, that it’s presented as being a book about stalking. About a third of it is, but the rest is about violence against women more broadly, and a bit about psychology.

Of course the latter leads to the former, but the commentary about gender equity, while accurate, felt at least five years behind where the public conversation is. #MeToo is well established. We’ve all read The Body Keeps Score. What we want to know about is stalking, specifically. That’s the public knowledge gap.

I know the author isn’t an investigative journalist but I feel like we needed more voices in there of the many other women who have been stalked: what about the stalkers who keep going? What about the process of prosecution? What’s the scale of the problem in Australia? The data exists. It’s held by courts and police in every Australian state and territory. Why wasn’t it in this book? What happens when victims are questioned in court? What does that feel like? What happens when stalking offenders get imprisoned and then released?

That’s the book I was hoping to read. Otherwise, this could have been a really great essay rather than a book with too much filler. 3.5 stars, rounded down.

[Shelleyrae at Book'd Out · Rating 4 out of 5]

“….I was beginning to think I’d overreacted. Looking at it logically, he hadn’t done anything wrong.He hadn’t threatened me, or been offensive. A little over-eager maybe, a little too personal, but…probably nothing to worry about.”

It began with an casual interaction over a chest of drawers at an auction, Elise Gunn responded amiably to The Man’s attempt at conversation but politely brushed off his overture for further contact, and then ignored his unsolicited email. When he attempts to speak with her again, weeks later at the same auction house, Elise quickly makes her exit, feeling uncomfortable and anxious. When The Man next approaches Elise, she is walking home through a park having just dropped her son at school. He insists on walking with her, and during his one sided conversation he mentions details about Elise he is unlikely to know, unless he’s been following her for some time. The police are sympathetic when she reports her concerns but can’t do anything to help, and Elise is left feeling powerless.

Elise Gunn gives a powerful account of being stalked by a stranger with unknown motives. For Elise, The Man’s behaviour is ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back’. Quivering from hyper-vigilance, and expecting the worst, she is anxious, fearful, and panic-stricken. Unable to affect The Man’s behaviour, Elise attempts to take control of her own, seeking help from a victim support agency and CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy).

In between each encounter with The Man, Gunn relates a former experience where she was affected by sexism, misogyny or male violence, from being heckled by a group of aggressive young men outside a pub, to enduring a rape by a trusted employer, and a poem the messages women too often receive about such encounters.

I was expecting an exclusive focus on stalking but Gunn also explores the broader research on topics related to trauma and PTSD, socialisation, gendered crime and inequality, and what is still needed for society to change. I am a little disappointed that, though Gunn includes a bibliography, she doesn’t list Australian services that readers could reach out to.

I found it frighteningly easy to relate to many elements of Gunn’s narratives. Rattled is an honest, thoughtful and impactful memoir that educates and informs.

[K · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really do wish the author well. However, I think a book advertised as something it’s not is always going to be hugely disappointing. This is more feminist manifesto than stalking memoir, and I have read a lot of those. I found the last third, when real life events were resolved, a bit tough going. Read if you want to learn more about how patriarchy limits women and you haven’t read others on that topic.

[Adrienne Lewsam · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m disappointed with this book due to the misleading blurb. It is not a “nail biting” nor riveting read, rather, it is a story of the author’s various experiences as a female being abused throughout her life - one of which is a stalker. However, the stalker story is not ‘the story’. I am a victim of stalking, in fact my case is still running along and therefore I value true stories on the topic. There were some parts where the author got close to how it feels, gave a sense of the reality, yet wandered off on tangents without returning to the point I felt she was going to make. The book seemed incomplete. I wish someone had helped the author grow the content and give the outcome regards the stalker. On reflection perhaps I should write the book I wish to read!

[cherry · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 stars.

Interesting, though the blurb was misleading. There is less about the "nail-biting" story of the stalker than about the author's experiences with misogyny; though this isn't a bad thing, it didn't meet my expectation of the book being about a stalker.

[Nicole · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was terrible. I didn't need a book that had constant references to other people's books or research. The stalking, well, what can I say? The 'stalker' seemed to just disappear into the sunset after being actually told to leave her alone? Bizarre!!!!

[K. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Trigger warnings: rape, stalking, domestic violence, sexual harassment, sexual assault, anxiety attacks, misogyny, alcoholism.

3.5 stars

Oof. I devoured this entire book between 6am and 10am and I also spent a chunk of that time commuting and teaching teenagers. So needless to say, it's a very fast paced story. It's also an absolutely brutal story. More than just an examination of Gunn's experiences of being stalked while living in Adelaide, it's an examination of her experiences of misogyny and assault throughout her lifetime. She discusses situations she didn't realise until years later were rape, how much she's internalised the "I was wearing a short skirt so I was asking for it", the difficulties of living with a fiercely jealous and violence partner, and the ways in which language uses the passive voice against victims.

It was definitely a book that will make me think, but it also felt like at times the stalking aspect of the story and the fear that came with it were pushed to the background in comparison to the events Gunn discusses from her past.

[SHR · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a well written book capturing Gunn's experience of being stalked. The fear and anxiety she felt is palpable while reading. She weaves in other experiences of sexual assault which capture misogynistic attitudes and reflect the experience of many women. I resonated with the metaphor she used for the experiences of women and they way society largely ignores them. “All the messages tattooed on our scalps. All the hair we’ve grown over them.”

The sections discussing research fell a bit flat for me, they are too brief to add much, and she doesn't really explore the attitudes (more points out they exist) which is okay - other books do that (Jess Hill's See What You Made Me Do and Jane Gilmore's Fixed It! are both great books which cover these areas. The Troll Hunter, which she referenced is also an interesting book, albeit with a sad postscript).

[Adrienne · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amazingly disturbing story.
I felt like I needed the suspense to be drawn out to the bitter end, it would have made the last 30-40 pages easier to read and more engaging, but otherwise it was well researched and an extremely important read for men & women alike.

Fem-lit lovers unite.

[EmG ReadsDaily · Rating 4 out of 5]

A thought-provoking and intelligently written book, that is part memoir and part social commentary.

[Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting enough read although we already know we live in a patriarchal society that really has no interest in elevating women above their ‘station’ and that these beliefs and ideas have been ingrained into our collective psyches since St Augustine’s treatises 1600 odd years ago.

The stalker part was what drew me to the book in the first place, however, it was a mere blip in the author’s reiteration of women’s treatment by men.

[Rhona Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book and how the author put it all together. Things happen in life, sometimes calm, ordinary and good stuff, and then there is the difficult & tough things. As women politely pack away internally, issues that are unresolved, all those little slights that scar, times when physically abused, emotionally mistreated, brutalised, tormented, blamed, called dirty names, it all compounds, over and over and over again, hiding somewhere deep inside. One day, one instant, one push too far, it all comes flooding out. Be it tears, fear or more appropriately, anger and fight. Ellis Gunn rather than just espousing a personal story, has not only written her living experience, which is a path of many women, has given us all words with force. Not just anecdotes and opinions but words backed with actual facts, research and authority. I for one am grateful for those strong words.

[Farrells Bookshop · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the first half of this book, it read like a crime/thriller and I was totally hooked! Some biographies can be very dense and hard to digest but this was written in a very captivating manner. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and was surprised by how much it addressed misogyny and sexism in a way that was definitely needed, adding an interesting angle to her accounts of being stalked.

Read by Sage and Suzie

[Cass Moriarty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rattled (Allen and Unwin 2022) by Ellis Gunn is a memoir/thriller/guide/manual of fear and optimism like no other I’ve read. The main context is a first-person account by Gunn of the intimidating and menacing Man who stalked her. He was a stranger; a person who casually struck up a conversation with her at an auction house and then proceeded, over a lengthy time, to stalk her in frightening ways, sometimes subtle, sometimes overt. He would be parked outside her house. He would engage in conversation that was ever so slightly uncomfortable, but not enough to complain or report, because good girls stay quiet and don’t make a fuss and smile and, perversely, don’t want to turn away because they don’t want to make that Man uncomfortable. The Man turns up at her children’s school and her local café. He sends messages on social media. Gunn has made it quite clear from the beginning that she is not interested, thank you (always ever so polite), but this Man will not take no for an answer.
In writing this memoir, Gunn has unleashed a torrent of research and anecdotal experience about the act of stalking and how it goes hand in hand with the entitled, audacious and presumptuous attitudes of some men towards women – the idea that he is empowered to approach her under any circumstances, that she must tolerate his behaviour and that if she complains, she is being a whiny, frigid, unfriendly bitch.
Gunn wrote this book – relived this trauma – for one purpose: ‘To be bold, be bold … and don’t keep quiet about abuse.’ Because emotional abuse is as insidious as physical or sexual abuse, because women should not have to put up with this crap, because our daughters need to know they are powerful and strong and resilient, and our sons need to be respectful and kind. Because disempowerment. Because trolling. Because no means no. Because trust is earned, not taken for granted. Because a person is in charge of their own body and their own actions, and no one else’s. Because if you are a woman, or another vulnerable gender identity, you have every right to expect respect and fairness and fun on your own terms.
This book is written in an unusual structure which works really well. Gunn describes the various ways in which the stalker accosts her, and these sections read like a well-told story – tension, conflict, courage, action. Interspersed are accounts from her childhood and her life as a younger woman; incidents that over time have become to have much more meaning to her. Some of these incidents are ‘relatively minor’ – a verbal slight, a possible misconstrued misunderstanding, something that just felt a bit off, or not quite right. But some of the incidents are traumatising – from physical abuse to rape and everything in between. Gunn is a woman who, at this stage of her life, is reflecting on the entirety of her time as a whole, and what she sees from up high in that bird’s eye view is a compelling and distressing jigsaw puzzle that is only visible as a whole. The individual pieces happened over months and years; separately they did not seem to account for much. But Gunn uses this book to demonstrate how a collective lifetime of a thousand paper cuts of abuse and misogyny can lead to a life-threatening injury.
She also interjects the narrative with italicised internalised thoughts about rape culture, misogyny, belittlement, objectification, ‘boys will be boys’, slut shaming and more … because this, because that, because the other thing. Because this is an entrenched problem in every society and because the only way to resolve it is to open dialogue and conversations with both predators and survivors.
After her encounters with the Man, Gunn rationalises to herself that she is getting things out of proportion, that she is paranoid and overly suspicious, brainwashed by crime shows, overreacting, hyper-alert because of her own anxiety … ‘and yet, and yet …there WAS something strangely possessive about the way he spoke to me. I couldn’t quite convince myself that I was just imagining things. And as it turned out, I wasn’t.’
This book will be familiar to women who are alert to footsteps behind them even in crowded areas, who hold their keys in their fists like a weapon as they get closer to home, who are too polite to say they feel uncomfortable about certain behaviours. But it is also for men, to demonstrate women’s experiences, and to show how any interaction that may be completely innocent and friendly on the part of the man may not seem that way to the woman. And not because of any particular threat or fear, just because women have lived with this shit for so long that it is inbuilt in us to be hyper-vigilant, alert and attentive to possible danger. All. The. Time.
It's also a book about language. Rather than advising girls how to act, we should be encouraging boys to act differently (eg body language, clothing). Because announcing that a woman was raped is so much less powerful and telling than a headline that says a man raped a woman. To shift the dynamic.
Rattled is a book about a woman who has been rattled her whole life; she has had the rattling stones of fear in her belly on too many occasions to count. But it is also a book about how she used those stones to build a cairn memorialising her courage, her resilience, her power and her strength.
Rattled is a non-fiction book about police and procedures, about anxiety and fear, about reporting and consent. It traverses self-blame and chronic pain as a result of abusive behaviour, and the effects this has on a woman’s family and friends and workplace. But it is never dry or predictable. It reads like a thriller, with the reader wondering with every chapter what will happen next. And it is full of what the author calls ‘Things I do to stay sane’ – practical and pragmatic thoughts and actions that have helped her navigate these unnerving incidents. Gunn uses her trauma to empower others, to encourage young women to have the self-belief and respect to know they are not responsible for the happiness of others. This book doesn’t have all the answers but it asks so many pertinent questions. And no, it is not about ALL men, but rather about the system in which we live that allows and even encourages distressing and disingenuous behaviours and entitlements. It is a book that states quite calmly (and not in any way ‘hysterically’ – insert eye roll) that we must all work together for change, that gendered violence and gendered inequity and stereotypes and victim blaming and coercive control have no place in a ‘fair and equal society’.
Gunn is also a poet, and so the book has a lyrical richness and beautiful language that makes it a joy to read, despite the harrowing subject. She has authored a cohesive, comprehensive and compelling story about the problems in the system, and how listening to each other is just the start of rallying change.

[Jacqui Dent · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was completely gripped by this book and finished it in just over a day!

[Venessa Johnstone · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's more an informative book and less about her actual stalker.. Great reference and info...

[Janine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was attracted to this book not only by the succinct, apposite title, but also because one of my colleagues was stalked a number of years ago. I don't remember how my colleague's story ends, but that's part of the chilling intrusion of the stalker: nobody is never really sure whether it's over for good or just in abeyance.

The book has 18 chapters, each headed with titles like "Back to the beginning: the first time I met The Man" or "Things I do to stay sane". There is a regular format to each chapter, each denoted by a different font. She starts each chapter with the story of the stalking, or research that she has conducted into stalking; she then moves to her earlier memories of previous stalking, inappropriate sexual violence, rape, or violence; and then finished with an italicized list of "becauses", similar to a rap poem. The book is firmly within the "me too" genre, and I found myself mentally thinking "me too" with several scenarios. I'm sure that most (nearly all?) women would recognize themselves here, embarrassed and shamed but too polite, intimidated or uncertain to speak up. But it's more than just one woman's story which, in less assured hands, could come over as a form of 'trauma porn'. Instead it is a research report, a guide for women who are being stalked, a polemic about how things have to change, and an exemplar that demonstrates how her cognitive based therapy helps her to quell her panic by giving her clear steps to follow.

For my complete review please visit:
http://residentjudge.com/2022/12/07/r...

[Shyla Wyatt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting read, although somewhat misleading from the tagline. While the novel details the author’s experience with a stalker, as well as some other horrific experiences with sexual violence and domestic abuse, there’s a heavy focus on the psychology behind it all which, while interesting, changed the focus of the book for me.

The writing is easy to read but the subject matter is very heavy and would be triggering to some readers who weren’t anticipating that particular focus going into the book. That being said, I think this is something young people, especially young men, may benefit from reading in the current climate.

The last two chapters were really heavy on the psychology behind violence towards women and while I can appreciate the well-researched and very important subject matter, it wasn’t what I was expecting in this book and it kind of took me out of the reading experience as I felt like I was reading a peer reviewed journal article, rather than a memoir. With a change to the tagline and synopsis of the book, I think I would have been more prepared and enjoyed it a little more, but overall it was a good read!

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a chilling but excellent and beautifully written memoir, essay and prose poem. In recording the experience of being stalked by a stranger, Ellis Gunn reflects more broadly on all the acts of misogynistic control and abuse that she, like so many women, had learned to accept as part of the furniture of life. Her writing sizzles on the page.

I began my review of the book for the Saturday Paper: "When he wanted to send a secret message, the ancient Greek tyrant Histiaeus shaved the head of a slave, tattooed the message on his scalp and, once the hair had grown back, sent him on his way. In this story, Ellis Gunn finds a key metaphor for how patriarchal society imprints and then hides its stories of violence and abuse on the bodies of women: “All the messages tattooed on our scalps. All the hair we’ve grown over them.” You can read the rest of the review here: https://www.thesaturdaypaper.com.au/c...

[b e a c h g o t h · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is not “ a nail biting memoir of stalking”.
It’s a collection of abuse stories from the authors life, varying in forms of severity. At times, this book reads well and is engaging but a bulk of this book is soaked in white-male hating, pro-abortion, all-men-are-pigs rhetoric which made me feel tricked - Ellis advertised her book as a peek into what it’s like to be stalked, when actually it’s like sitting down for a coffee with an excruciatingly liberal woman who intends to talk for entirety of the coffee date about her opinions. I don’t care to read your imaginary debate with a conservative guy over abortion. (I found this cringey as too, like when you think of all the coolest comebacks to an argument days later in the shower) and although I started out enjoying this it quickly started to feel like an echo chamber of opinions and I skim read the rest.
Spoiler: nothing happens with the “stalker”

[Alissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is very well written and a nice complement of personal experience and research on stalking. It even features a mention of the Stalking Risk Profile which i am trained in woop woop.
I found this very enlightening and really important reading as its easy to forget how damaging this form of behaviour is to a victim when you often only hear the bare bones of whats been done and often from the offender’s perspective.
I thought it also did a really good job of highlighting how all the micro aggressions women experience add to the overall experience. Its not just the stalking thats a problem, its all the tiny (and major but were conditioned to see them as minor) ways that women are undermined, disrespected, threatened and yes harmed that contribute to something like this being a truly awful experience.

[Abra Pressler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow... what a great book.

Precise and expertly 'simple' in its storytelling, Gunn crafts a personal narrative that reflects the experience of almost every other woman on the planet. As I read this book, I felt like I was on a knife's edge.

How many times have we pushed that gut feeling away just to be polite? How many times have we tolerated someone who pushes our buttons because we're afraid to rock the boat, complain to HR, and tell them to back off? How many times have we thought we were 'overreacting to what someone said' or 'they didn't technically do anything wrong'?

Gunn shares so much of herself in such a short book. I don't think I've read a book so well-crafted and thoughtfully put together in a long time.

[Xanthi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this on audiobook format. 3.5 stars.
This is an intelligently written book that weaves social commentary with memoir. It’s hard not to read this and not feel angry. Infact, the reader should feel angry - for what the author had endured and for what women in general endure in their lifetimes.
My only gripe is that the book is presented as being about stalking and the author’s experience with it. Whilst this topic is included, it is relatively a lesser part of the book. Most of the book is about misogyny and the author’s personal experience with it throughout her life. Perhaps that was a decision made by her publishers?

[Sage Wood · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the first half of this book, it read like a crime/thriller and I was totally hooked! Some biographies can be very dense and hard to digest but this was written in a very captivating manner. Although, I struggled to get through the last 50 pages and found it began to get quite heavy relaying lots of quotes from other authors or experts. I still thoroughly enjoyed this book and was surprised by how much it addressed misogyny and sexism in a way that was definitely needed, adding an interesting angle to her accounts of being stalked.

[Sherry Mackay · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m a bit confused about this book. The author often talks about women minimising events like stalkers, and yet either this supposed stalker didn’t actually do anything to her, or she’s just completely minimising what he did, as we get no sense of him being dangerous to her or her family. It seems incredibly odd of her to do this. There is no real sense of threat. I feel she could just as easily have left out the stalker entirely and just talked about how women are treated in society even these days.

[Kathryn Pagler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t usually like rating memoirs, but this one was absolutely amazing.
Listened to the audiobook, I love when the author is the narrator for audiobooks.
Others have mentioned the blurb is a bit misleading and I do agree it’s not completely about the stalker experience. But I think it gave great background into why she initially didnt want to hurt his feelings and was kind to him at the start etc.
finished in two days, really insightful.

[Rhiannan Earl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Beautifully written and though provoking book - however the suggestion that this is a memoir could be misleading. I’d say less than a third of the book is actually a recount of the authors experience surviving a stalker. The rest is a collection of stories and experiences of misogyny and summarised information provided by other authors and special interest groups on the topic.

Excellently written - just not what I thought it would be

[Susan Abbey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very engaging, easy to read memoir-nonfiction hybrid, although I acknowledge the title is totally correct, stalking rattles you inside and out.

The book is somewhat about stalking. but the rest is about violence against women more broadly - how women keep butting the glass ceiling and men are there protecting their position. I did enjoy the references to other books and the psychology effects on women and the psychology of males.