Difficult: Mothering Challenging Adult Children through Conflict and Change

by Judith R. Smith

This book explores the conflicted feelings of mothers whose adult children struggle with mental illness, substance use, or chronic unemployment. Through true stories of mothers with challenging adult children, this book offers illustrations of the classic maternal dilemma: choosing between the needs of the mother and those of the child. Difficult addresses a family situation which too many keep secret. The book allows readers to see that they are not alone and includes resources for getting help: finding social support, staying safe, engaging in self-care, and helping the adult child.

Judith Smith speaks empathically to parents, acknowledging and illuminating the embarrassment, shame, and helplessness that women feel when their adult children’s problems puncture their own feelings of self-worth. In the absence of sufficient supports for people with mental illness or substance misuse disorder, mothers feel that they have no choice but to continue to take an active role in their children's lives. Unpaid and unrecognized maternal caregiving work continues to limit women’s quality of life, even into their later years. Smith addresses this as a societal issue which requires structural solutions.

Difficult is for parents, concerned family and friends, health and mental health professionals, and policymakers.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Self Help

280 pages, Hardcover

First published February 15, 2022

About the author

Judith R. Smith, PhD, LCSW, is a leader in gerontological research focusing on women’s experiences as they age. She is a senior clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and professor of social work at Fordham University. She lives in New York City with her husband.

Reviews

[Rae Simpson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Minuteman. Academic study by Fordham professor. Methodology created the conclusions--Sought out elders who in the elder abuse system primarily. Mental illness portrayed as highly likely to involve violence.
One interesting research piece described: Andreas Bartels, Germany, mothers of young children, part of the brain responsible for negative emotions and critical assessment is relatively inactive. Uses this to argue that older mothers don't see their difficult children's flaws, aren't "objective." Not compassionate, not sophisticated, summarizes her interviews. Difficult is primarily substance abuse, criminal behavior, mental illness.

[Lori Zerhouane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to give five stars because I am a mother that fits the category of women Judith R Smith has written about. She has represented in such collective importance the quiet enormity of a problem that plagues our societies. This book took me a while to complete because in part sometimes I don’t want to remember that I have to find ways to navigate life as a mother of an adult child with severe mental illness. I would recommend to anyone who wants to understand the issues facing those who quite often are the heart and core of humanity’s wellness.

[Lynn Dickerson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful resource for a largely ignored and unseen segment of the population.

[Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

A great resource for all who are going through this.