This book was a hot mess combination of absolute chaos yet warm, fuzzy comfort, kind of like if you have diarrhea but you’re wrapped in a soft, favored childhood blankie. Thrust into my hungry hands by accident (the thrift store was having a 5 Books for $1 Sale and I needed one more book to hit the mark. This happened to be it), I was not prepared for the roller coaster of feelings concerning this book. It was so painful to bear yet so difficult to put down for some eerily enticing reason. Almost like a jackson pollock painting; absolute chaos but I can’t look away?? I hated it and loved it and I don’t know if that says more about the book’s quality or myself as the reader. Anyways, here is a list of questionable material just because.
1. As a kid who grew up in the early 2000s, I’m definitely used to the idea of this Atkins/South Beach diet which personally I believe is terrible for you but that’s just me. However, these poor characters are starving themselves of nutrients and feedings themselves on empty calories and artificial sweeteners. Like, what the heck, Mr James, please eat an egg yolk, put some butter on your bread, eat some meat…ANYTHING. At one point, one of the characters says something along the lines of “I didn’t get my donut for breakfast so now I’m drinking five diet sodas to make up for it”, like pardon me, my good man? I’m not trying to be a nutritionist here, but I literally got hangry and lightheaded watching these characters dwale aimlessly while enduring sugar withdrawals and fatigue from lack of calories. I felt anemic and weightless and just wanted to give poor James some beef jerky or peanut butter or something. Dear friends, if you wish to lose weight, maybe don’t start with cutting calories and adding in artificial sugars and oils. Not gonna be great for your gut or thyroid😬😬
2. Why are fat people all the same in books? Not just this book but seriously🤣so many books and movies make fat people have these miserable lives. The fat person trope is so…trope-y!! The “I’m fat and miserable and my only quality is my humor because I’m insecure and my humor masks my deeply rooted inferiority issues” is a sad, sad storyline, my friends. There’s a point in the book when it’s describing the appearances of one of the fluffier characters and it really made me cringe. The “her rolls of fat bulged from her skin-tight shirt and a big dab of ketchup dribbled down her” sort of descriptions are truly awful😅I’m here to say that while a proper weight is preferable for one’s good health, extra body weight does not automatically make you an undesirable, slobbering orc. And these poor characters all are fat simply because they love junk food too much. As a girl with a little extra fluffage myself, I would like to say that not everyone who is on the puffy side is that way just because they lack the self control in regards to the chicken nuggets and deep fried Oreos. I don’t wanna start a war or anything but some fluffy people just happen to be fluffy and they can have nice happy lives.
3. WHERE ARE THE LAWYERS IN THIS MURDER CASE? Ok I get it. Lucy is a cop but still…that shouldn’t give her the freedom to corner a person of interest while she is off duty and question her. There were probably 623,375 times that I thought to myself “what the heck why are the lawyers not here?” Some of this stuff is ILLEGAL. Like Lucy straight up tells James, A CIVILIAN to look up this stolen drug for her and tells him the whole story. And then Lucy and James are like “yeah let’s just go question these folks ourselves, ain’t no need for a formal interrogation”. I’m not a policeman or detective but I’ve watched my fair share of dateline, y’all. Isn’t that like involving a citizen in government spying? Isn’t that…ILLEGAL? I would just like to know why these characters were so involved in the crime. I mean, I get it. Charmingly chubby people wanna lose weight and solve crimes. It makes for a great read for middle aged women (and me apparently?) but how realistic is this??
4. Gillian
5. The ending?? Like…a field and horses and being shoved off a cliff? What??
6. That kiss scene🤢🤢🤢I mean, I was happy it happened, but the words used to describe it?? I just feel like the words “squeeze”, “fruity”, “protruding”, “rubbed”, and “wiping their wet lips” are not the best words for a kissing scene. GRUNGY. How about words like “caress”, “fragrant”, “gently touched”, etc etc?? Don’t get me wrong, I’m for James and Lucy finding love, but just because they are fluffy people doesn’t mean their kisses have to be disgusting. I’m a fluffy girl and I’ve never experienced such.
Anyways, there is my review. I cannot say whether or not I would recommend Carbs and Cadavers. Upon finishing the book, I felt absolutely nothing in my soul, like an acosmist hoping to find a glimpse of truth but failing miserably. If you want to experience the things aforementioned then sure, read it. If you like being tenderly stroked with Velcro or lying on a bed of sandpaper, this book may be for you. If you like to experience cringe, you will love it. Otherwise, I would say you should employ your reading endeavors elsewhere.
And please. Eat something. Please