Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood

by Jessica Grose

"If this book feels like it’s sounding the alarm on the state of American motherhood, well, that’s because it is." -- San Francisco Chronicle

In this timely and necessary book, New York Times opinion writer Jessica Grose dismantles two hundred years of unrealistic parenting expectations and empowers today’s mothers to make choices that actually serve themselves, their children, and their communities

Close your eyes and picture the perfect mother. She is usually blonde and thin. Her roots are never showing and she installed that gleaming kitchen backsplash herself (watch her TikTok for DIY tips). She seamlessly melds work, wellness and home; and during the depths of the pandemic, she also ran remote school and woke up at 5 a.m. to meditate.

You may read this and think it’s bananas; you have probably internalized much of it.

Journalist Jessica Grose sure had. After she failed to meet every one of her own expectations for her first pregnancy, she devoted her career to revealing how morally bankrupt so many of these ideas and pressures are. Now, in Screaming on the Inside, Grose weaves together her personal journey with scientific, historical, and contemporary reporting to be the voice for American parents she wishes she’d had a decade ago.

The truth is that parenting cannot follow a recipe; there’s no foolproof set of rules that will result in a perfectly adjusted child. Every parent has different values, and we will have different ideas about how to pass those values along to our children. What successful parenting has in common, regardless of culture or community, is close observation of the kind of unique humans our children are. In thoughtful and revelatory chapters about pregnancy, identity, work, social media, and the crisis of the Covid-19 pandemic, Grose explains how we got to this moment, why the current state of expectations on mothers is wholly unsustainable, and how we can move towards something better.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Feminism, Memoir, Mental Health, Self Help

240 pages, Hardcover

First published December 6, 2022

About the author

Jessica Grose is a journalist and novelist. Her second novel, SOULMATES, will be out in September 2016. She is also the author of the novel SAD DESK SALAD, the author of the Kindle Single HOME ECONOMICS, which is about how couples manage their finances, and the co-author of the book LOVE, MOM, with Doree Shafrir.

She is the editor of Lenny, the email newsletter. She was formerly a senior editor at Slate, and an editor at Jezebel. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, New York, The New Republic, Cosmopolitan, and several other publications. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and daughter.

Reviews

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a hard review to write because I initially really enjoyed this book. The author is likeable and it is written in a journalistic style. I found it engaging and relatable. As the book went on, the author started to feel a bit more judgemental about anyone who didn't match up with her reality, which was irritating, but not a complete deal breaker since we are all a little biased. Then, I hit the social media chapter. Yes, social media can be terrible for mental health if a person is comparing their worst days to another person's highlight reels, but she took this to a whole new level and was flat out shaming moms who live differently than her. I'm not sure what she has against blondes but she kept bringing up these "perfect blondes" who she claims try to project these perfect lives or claiming perfect homes and white ascetetic is somehow disingenuous. Why can't someone enjoy keeping their home clean? Or like white and be minimalist? Or enjoy being home with their kids all day? It is certainly okay to not enjoy those things, but why on earth should a mother not be able to and ridiculed if she does? It doesn't mean that her life is perfect or she is trying to project perfect, but women are allowed to be different from each other and certainly shouldn't be accused of being fake for having a clean home or a positive attitude or whatever. This kind of mom shaming is super disappointing. Rather than trying to uplift women and provide support and just suggest that mothers should be cautious about social media time if it is negatively affecting their mental health, only follow things that positively affect your mood, and to remember social media isn't real life and we are seeing people's positives, she gives this perception that those with positive smiling blondes are terrible and the problem with social media and throwing a specific personality that she apparently doesn't like throughthe mud. Perhaps they are bad for her mental health, but they aren't inherently bad and following those accounts provide a very positive experience for some people. How wonderful it is that the sky is truly the limit on the variety of people one can follow. It would be great if the author realized there are all sorts of people in the world though and no one is forcing her to follow a cheery mom who posts recipes or pictures of a clean home or happy children. We are all free to follow who we want and avoid or unfollow ones that don't resonate. No shaming necessary. Taking up a whole chapter of mom shaming just felt so tacky and all sorts of icky to me. Let people parent and post how and what they want in peace!! Sheesh!

[Ali Ashby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am seeing a lot of reviews from people who are uncomfortable with the social media chapter and the tone of the book, in general, so I want to focus my review there.

I do NOT feel like her comments were an attack on mommy bloggers…at all. I believe that the strong reactions are merely an indication of just how sensitive we are in the areas of motherhood and work. We have every reason to be—this is a subject that is riddled with shame. Shame that comes from society, other mothers, and our own expectations of what motherhood should look like.

My interpretation is that she is addressing the fact that these mommy bloggers have created a space where they are making domesticity their livelihood, which is accepted by society as it is within the generally accepted parameters of motherhood (as determined by society). Her only criticism is that this image of tidy motherhood is often detrimental to those who do not exist within that same reality. For mothers working full-time outside the home, single mothers, and others, that type of reality is not necessarily attainable, which contributes to the feelings of shame and failure.

We all are aware of the way that social media-curated motherhood contributes to feelings of shame and failure. I can say with certainty that we have ALL succumbed to that. We also can’t get enough of it, which is why these bloggers have become so popular. It’s a catch 22. So while the desire to defend the blogger profession is noble, it’s not necessary.

Her inclusion of this content is both timely and relevant. If we aren’t discussing how this image of motherhood is affecting American motherhood, then we aren’t having the full conversation.

I felt that her tone throughout the book is not one of judgement, (another shame-filled trigger word) but that of exasperation. She argues that the American mother has more expected of her than ever before and limited resources to accomplish it. She details the ways in which motherhood is antagonized in the workforce, also true.

Jessica thoroughly explains the dynamics at play for the American mother and exactly why it’s unsustainable. And she’s not wrong.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just finished reading "Screaming on the Inside - The Unsustainability of American Motherhood". Although I very much enjoyed the author's historical overview of the place and treatment of mothers and women, I felt the rest of the book to be very one sided, judgmental and opinionated. 

It seems that the author feels woman are judged and held to such high standards that it causes undue mental stress. The author felt as though she didn't fit in or was being judged by the mommy group she joined and then by the comments to her postings. Why is she worrying and so fixated on what others are doing? As adults and couples or single people raising children, we can make the decisions that are best for us and our families. Your measure of success is how happy you and your family are with every day life with the little you have or the plenty you have. Measuring yourself up against social media celebrities is ridiculous. Social media can have its place but it certainly shouldn't define what is right or wrong or if you're a good mother or woman worker.

Her 2 examples of the women who never checked to see when their medical insurance  started or when their paid leave kicked in I found silly. Am I supposed to feel sorry for people that weren't responsible enough to research such important points before taking their jobs. I found that to be a sign of immaturity. I made decisions about my jobs by ensuring the coverages I needed were in place. I stayed at jobs that were not perfect because I needed to ensure my family had the medical insurance we needed. I know that is not the reality for all and I do know programs are needed to assist.

The pandemic was and still is a global crisis. The programs available were not perfect but companies and people did amazing jobs to fill gaps and help employees. Programs were put in place to help. It wasn't perfect but during a war or global crisis, you're not going to find perfect.

I think the author's out right dislike for specific bloggers was not necessary.  By the end of the book I wasn't even sure of her messages intent. Was she trying to voice her opinion about social issues we are facing or was she trying to say women need additional maternity leave, etc.? It really wasn't clear since she clouded her intent with extraneous information. 

I do believe the author's writing flows. If she kept to her original topic and brought an unbiased view of current state forward, I would have loved this book.

Goodreads, thank you for your giveaway. 

[Carrie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not sure if this book is over edited or her incredible breadth of research (many many many notations) was misused, but this fell incredibly flat. She’s a NYT opinion writer but this felt very hard-hitting USA Today.
Nothing novel or revelatory here. This will most likely be read by mothers who won’t really find anything helpful other than commiserating. Everything she mentions has been written about or talked about elsewhere but perhaps with more detail. It’s almost as if this book could have been 5x the length but was edited drastically to make it more palatable. Everything was heavily edited except the social media section which felt very strange to give so much detail and explicit names and influencers.
The taking action section is incredibly surface level and lacking any real direction other than “keep on keeping on being mad because we’re slowly making changes. “ there are so many powerful grassroots movements started by mothers and she just kind of mentions one or two without stating what has made them so successful.
I guess I repeatedly and, especially after finishing, wondered what the point of this book was.

[Traci Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. I liked the mix of history, journalism, and memoir. I liked how she was deliberate in including Black mothers’ stories. It was an easy read and the audio narrator was fantastic. I wished there was more incision of Latine and Asian mothers. I think it lagged a bit in the back half. Overall would recommend.

[Martha☀ · Rating 4 out of 5]

A life-time ago. when I was a young newly-wed, I read everything I could find on motherhood and the choice of becoming a parent or not. I was so wary of friends and family who put pressure on us to have children, claiming that parenthood was pure joy. I also paid attention to the uncensored rantings of my friends who claimed they had lost themselves in the process of becoming 'supermom'.
In the end, we chose to be child-free and I have never had a moment's regret during the ensuing 30 years. But I continue to be fascinated by the veil behind which mothers hide their anger, depression and regret, and the taboo of being honest about the unending stress of the most important job on Earth.
Jessica Grose has written this angry, depressing and enraging short book (long article) on exactly this - the unsustainability of motherhood in 2022. She fell into the trap of seeing herself as a fashionable, career-focussed woman who would come home to idyllic children who are clean, polite and easily managed. The wake-up call for Grose came at 6 weeks into her first pregnancy as she began her descent into endless vomiting, losing her job and being bed-ridden for most of her pregnancy - and that was the good part. Having a child was more trying than she had ever imagined, with the pressure-cooker of outsiders' judgement about breast-feeding, diapers, sleeplessness, anxiety and depression. Then she tried to work part-time and the pressure increased.
Everywhere she looked (ie social media), mothers made it look easy, joyful and fulfilling. Grose truly wondered if she was doing it wrong and felt like she was the only one struggling.
This is an excellent book. The first chapter delves into the history of being a mother - going as far back the 1700s to watch the evolution of gender roles and mothering goals. After that, Grose dives deeply into her own experiences of pregnancy and child-birth, both which spark her to research the disparity between what we see and what is true.
The book waffles a bit at the end where Grose is unable to differentiate between the difficulties that covid-19 brings to the entire population from that of mothers. She advocates for national paid parental/maternity/sickness leave and for better child care subsidies. I think she hits all the marks except that she fails to mention the abysmal pay that childcare workers receive in exchange for the work they do. [IMO Covid has proven that child care workers are the lynchpin for the economy and therefore deserve to be among the highest paid.]
This deeply researched book has something for everyone and I would highly recommend it to anyone considering the role of parent. She does not dissuade anyone from becoming a parent. In fact, she upholds the belief that parenting is a beautiful commitment - but Grose wants everyone to be aware of the very real challenges that mothers face, the inequalities that exist and the realities that social media doesn't show.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I rage-cried my way through this entire book.

There are parts where I wanted more or less, purely based on personal preference: for example, fewer personal anecdotes and interviews, more research reporting. Less social media (while often eyeroll-inducing, this is far from the top of the “things that make me want to scream” part of motherhood), more about the desperate impracticalities that define the experience of modern motherhood.

Grose does a nice job of being as intersectional as possible and highlighting the voices of marginalized parents while also acknowledging the privilege she carries as an upper-middle class white woman. But her lived experiences as a white woman do impact the stories she’s able to tell and the ways in which she’s able to tell them. I would love to see the counterpart to this book written by a Black or Latina parent.

Grose has more hope than I do that change will come. I work 2 jobs, 6 days a week, to be able to afford child care for my 2 boys: $2750/month for full time infant care, $500 a month for after school care for my 1st grader. I sleep maybe 5-6 hours a night. Literally nothing about this is sustainable. My husband and I talked for literally YEARS about whether or not we should have another child and whether or not we can afford it (spoiler: we can’t).

I don’t know where we go from here, other than to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but I know it’s going to be decades at a minimum before we see any substantive policy changes that tangibly improve the lives of mothers, and all I can say is, I hope my Zoloft dosage keeps up with inflation until we get to that point.

[Crystal · Rating 1 out of 5]

I went into this book looking for a helpful, supportive and insightful book on being a mom and left it feeling unseen, gross, angry and actually screaming on the inside. A person cannot write a book that focuses on motherhood and then mom shame specific mom instagrammers for simply being blonde or posting a happy family photo. This book felt very one sided and focused too much on one specific view of motherhood. I’m not even sure I understood the point of the book - but, maybe I missed it being that I couldn’t get past the social media chapter at 60%.

Thank you @williammorrowbooks for a chance to read this one.

[Sarah K · Rating 3 out of 5]

I related so much to Jessica Grose's Screaming on the Inside. This book about American motherhood, specifically regarding my experience as a white, middle class/upper middle class working mom made me feel understood especially as we are starting to emerge from the covid-19 pandemic. I say "starting to emerge" as that is, of course, debatable and highly related to your position on a variety of issues. That debate aside, this book was smart, well organized, highly researched, and great in a lot of ways. The historical background for how we got here - for why motherhood is tough nowadays - was the best part of the book for me. The pressures moms face (and let's be real - have faced forever) are too real, and I appreciated how the author tied these to changing cultural norms, tradition, and habits.

There were two parts of this book that I didn't like, though, that knocked my rating of this book down from a 4-4.5 star book to a solid 3 star book. The first was that there was a judgmental tone throughout quite a bit of this book. I felt the author did acknowledge her class and her privilege often, but this seemed mainly in the realms of finances. That is important, of course, but I felt like there was an underlying tone of judgment about the moms who want to stay home, the bloggers who choose to be influencers, etc. I hated seeing specific names of influencers and bloggers in this book. It did not seem necessary - why bring down a mom who has chosen (for whatever reason) to live a lifestyle different from yours?

The second part that I found to be negative was just a lack of diversity in the examples of moms who struggle with expectations and the unsustainability of American motherhood (as it is purported to be). Much of this book just seemed very set on the white, middle class/upper middle class working mom experience. I felt the book could have been richer if the scope was expanded just a bit.

Finally, I don't fault the author for this... but while I felt like this book made me feel seen - it did not offer me hope or encouragement for how I could enact change. Seems like a missed opportunity. There were some examples in a closing chapter, but it did not feel transferrable to average Jane mom of three living in Minneapolis. It's tough, I get it... so as long as you expect this to feel like a venting session (an educational venting session) with a friend/therapist, great, but if you are looking for actual change I found that to be absent here. I am glad I read this book though! There is more work to do for mamas. :)

Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the advanced ebook copy. All opinions are my own.

[Mturney1010 · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was very very much looking forward to this book as someone who has been very thoughtful about my motherhood and feminism. I love how she talks about statistics, goes into the history of societal norms and ideations and the evolution of parenting/motherhood over centuries. It was initially why I picked up this book in the first place.

I felt for her as she talked about being a working mother, expectations from her bosses and colleagues, and the unsustainable non-support of working parents, particularly women in America today.

Then I got to the chapter on social media which leaned disproportionately on Mormon mommy bloggers (to be fair there is a disproportionate amount of Latter-day Saints influencers across all platforms, and she explains why this is in her book.)

Full disclosure, I am a Latter-day Saint woman. While I am not a skinny blonde with a perfect family, nor am I an Instagram influencer portraying life with rose colored glasses. I am even a working mom with a college degree which she says is rare among Latter-day Saint women and discouraged (absolutely untrue, I have always felt that while the church has not particularly encouraged working outside the home it has emphasized educating both men and women, and Latter-day Saint women are among the most educated women in the world). She spends the first 3/4 of the book talking about how insidious it is to judge women based on their parenting choices and then an entire chapter judging women based on what they portray on social media / and their beliefs regarding motherhood. She looks down on the Latter-day Saint view of motherhood being sacred and holy, and seems to think that viewing motherhood as such is extremely damaging and detrimental to those who don't believe the same thing. While I agree that social media can be very damaging to people if they internalize and compare others strengths to our weaknesses, and I am very wary and cautious of motherhood through the lens of social media. It was the blatant judgment on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in general that completely turned me off. It was such a disappointing contradiction on anotherwise stimulating and well researched book. Not to mention that the women she interviewed in real life are mostly not even a part of the LDS church anymore!

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a realistic and digestible look at what it means to be a modern mother. The author is honest in her research and compliments it with personal details of her journey as a parent and a mother. She cites scientific evidence, historical references, and thousands of mothers that she's interviewed. The book shows us how our society falls short in supporting mothers, the unrealistic expectations society puts on mothers, and all the tools they wish they had been given so they could be the kind of parents they want to be.

The author covers the whole aspect of being a mother - childbirth, that early motherhood, and being a mother. She shares the history of American cultural expectations that set a trap for American mothers. She also highlighted mental health issues and questioned the lack of research on mothers going off antidepressants during pregnancy. This book encourages us to step up and support all mothers, support ideas, and support the need for changes in how we as a society support parents and children in their journey together.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:"
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...

[Gabrielė Bužinskaitė · Rating 3 out of 5]

The beginning was fierce. It included a highly researched history of motherhood with descriptive stories and compelling facts. It taught me how the expectations of a mother changed through the centuries and how we got where we are today.

However, I wish the author had kept the same highly researched tone throughout the book. Eventually, it started being cluttered with personal stories or stories of friends that I honestly did not care about. I was mainly expecting data that explains motherhood struggles in America, not private experiences.

Overall, it met my expectations only partly. Nonetheless, this book is still worth giving a try, especially if you like memoirs.

“A figure that stuck with me from my reporting is that during your first trimester of pregnancy, you’re getting four hundred birth control pills’ worth of progesterone a day, and by the third trimester, you are getting a thousand birth control pills’ worth. No wonder I lost my damn mind.”

[Laura McGee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is getting a 5 from me, not because I think it was that well written, but because it’s going to have staying power with me.
I don’t have kids, but I’m an aunt, most of my friends have kids, I guess I thought I understood what they were up against. I DID NOT. Holy shit. After I finished reading this book (which I read entirely on plane rides) I just sat there for two hours thinking about all the things I didn’t know. Like, on top of schools and safety and money concerns and child rearing and all of that, there is also apparently a ton of people judging you! Like “you chose to have kids so don’t complain” or okay- I didn’t know people were very judgmental about other peoples breast feeding choices! What the hell is that about?
Then the pandemic happened and I guess, in a nutshell, it’s amazing mothers aren’t just walking around screaming on the outside all the time!

[Summer82909 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think everyone should read this book. It really gets to the meat of modern day issues that women and especially mothers are experiencing. It highlights where change needs to happen if not for those currently in the weeds then for those who follow after because one of those future women will be our daughters and I don't want mine to be dealing with the known issues from today that weren't alleviated because people in power vote on what they think or suppose to be real or may happen rather then what statistics and facts show to be true.

[Leslie - Shobizreads · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to the audio of this book. It’s relatable from the history to the current realities and struggles of motherhood, but it’s not really hopeful or solution-oriented. So, it actually just increased my stress levels listening to what I know from looking around at my own life and those of ju coworkers, friends and family members who are moms.

[Sahitya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a totally bad book and I did like some parts, especially about the history of motherhood and it’s expectations, and the final chapters about how it has all changed for mothers in the times of the pandemic. I guess I just wasn’t sure what I was expecting from this.

[Adrienne · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book reads like one woman’s therapy session about what is hard for her as a mother and the mental gymnastics she engages in to justify her choices. She’s a typical careerist Manhattan mom and I suppose this book probably speaks to other careerist Manhattan moms like her. I am a Manhattan stay-at-home homeschooling mom, so I know the type very well, but I don’t relate to these takes at all.

My favorite quote is this: “Moms should be supported in breastfeeding for as long as they want to.” That pretty much sums up Grose’s views on motherhood. The mom’s needs are at the center of every consideration. Baby is just along for the ride. This extends to everything else in a parent’s life. “As long as mom is thriving, baby will be thriving.” That’s actually not true. It’s just how moms justify prioritizing their needs over their kids’.

You’ve gotta love when someone who didn’t breastfeed goes combing through the research to prove to us that formula-fed babies are just as smart as breastfed ones. How is that any different than a breastfeeding mom combing through the literature to prove that breastfed babies are smarter or otherwise superior? (And by the way, that research exists as well.) Ugh. It’s exhausting from either angle and reeks of insecurity. Also, the way we feed our babies isn’t just about how smart they are later. Haha. Leave it to a competitive Manhattan mom to use that as the measuring stick by which we evaluate all mothering choices. “Does this make my kid more competitive? No? Then who cares? It doesn’t matter!”

Of course, then she goes on to say that we should celebrate the increasing rate of breastfeeding initiation? Huh??? And on and on and on.

This book is all the tiresome complaints of modern parents rolled into one book, with nothing but platitudes as “solutions.”

[hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5, rounded up because so many people seem to be missing the point of this book, which is to lay bare the ways our society fails families and the reasons those failures hurt moms the most. changing culture - changing norms - is enormously difficult, as the author points out in the last chapter, and in order to change it, we have to be honest about where we are. I think this book is the perfect catalyst for an honest conversation about how we're really doing and how we can help each other.

[Brendan C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jessica Grose

Great book. Do not read if you're unprepared to be mad and energized!

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

We have so far to go with women's rights.

[Emma Hughes · Rating 3 out of 5]

this was more of a memoir with some facts & figures thrown in, and focused heavily on parenting young kids during covid. while she definitely makes some good points, overall I didn’t find it particularly enlightening.

[Kaitlin Barnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. This country sucks.

[Claire Todd · Rating 4 out of 5]

Felt extremely stressed while reading this book, but I guess that makes sense when your view of gender norms is being challenged and ultimately dismantled. Didn’t feel the need for calling out certain social media influencers by name and felt like some things were taken out of context, but her points were made. Similar to the portrayal of Julia Child in Julia getting criticized by Betty Friedan, I felt like I was being shamed for being a stay at home mom by the end of this book, but gleaned back over the middle and remembered she addresses guilt/shame in US culture and that all families and children are different.

[Kaytee Cobb · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall I found this interesting, even though I do see the points of reviewers who say it is myopic.

[Jodi · Rating 3 out of 5]

My favorite things about this book were the point blank acknowledgement that "self-care" really means "take care of your looks" and the acknowledgement that history has created a vision of motherhood that can be crushing and is absolutely unrealistic.

I left a full time job that I loved in theory but hated in many ways after I had my second child and realized that there was no way I wanted to put her into daycare and deal with the two years of sickness that my older child had experienced from the day he started daycare, nor did I want to send my oldest back, when he had finally been well for more than a couple of days for the first time since starting daycare because of staying home with us on my leave. My employer offered no paid leave, so I used my earned time along with FMLA. I changed to a part time night shift position that met my and my family's needs, but it took almost a decade for me to realize how I took for granted that it was fine for me to walk away from my desired career (research) to go back to bedside nursing (which I still value and love for its own merits). I started to ache to get back into research, but my kids were still young and it felt selfish. I finally did get back into research after 14 years, last year, but the position was made part time basically at my request because I knew I still couldn't handle all the responsibilities I have as a mother and pull off a full time position. As late as last week, right before I started this book, I was questioning if my recent misery and depression might be related to adding that job onto everything else, even though I love the job, have an amazing boss, and quitting wouldn't change anything else that weighs on me. All that to say, this book helped me see my stress and guilt differently.

I'm thankful that I have avoided the influencer mom trends, probably partially because my kids are older and I don't look to the internet for parenting advice as much anymore. I definitely deleted Facebook and then Instagram because of feeling inadequate, then lonely and isolated during the start of the pandemic. The additional stress of COVID discussion wasn't surprising or new. The mention of potential solutions didn't seem to be hopeful that change can be achieved, but I certainly hope that society can find a way to value mothers/parents/caregivers and do right by children as well.

[Chloe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was actually quite interesting and well-researched and informative! I feel bad for the author because it seems that the only people who have picked up her book are conservative white women, so the book is rated so low. Dear prospective readers of this book, if the synopsis on the back didn’t give it away, take a quick look at literally any news article the author has written (she IS an opinion writer) and you will get a good sense of her general ideology; in other words, if you were more upset about target getting looted than the murder of george floyd or you don’t think poor people deserve to have children, this one’s probably not for you.

It’s quite funny to me also that there’s so many reviews decrying the “mom shaming” towards mom-fluencers and mormons. It’s actually the complete opposite; Grose managed to make me feel sympathetic towards both mom-influencers and mormons, two groups I historically have had zero respect for. Her point is that the media (both social and otherwise) rewards and perpetuates the image of the traditional perfect white self-sacrificing housewife mom, and that this harms everyone, even the traditional perfect white self-sacrificing housewife moms. But hey, it’s not really fair for me criticize those who miss this, as my mom bottle fed me exclusively elmer’s glue so I would grow up to have supreme reading comprehension skills.

Anywayyyy thank the fucking lord for modern medicine and my iud because if I was born two centuries earlier I for sure would have been that 1800s prairie wife who wrote in her diary that “the thought of nursing my baby for the rest of my life makes me want to lie down and die”

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall I really appreciated this book for confirming what I know to be true, that being a mom is hard work and more often than not we all feel like we are doing something wrong or not doing enough and it's because society tells us what is "best" without taking into account our own individual situation. This book was very validating to me and made me feel like I wasn't alone as an American mother.

Now to the negative...this book was written by an upper class, white mom with lots of support systems who chastised the Mormon mom bloggers/influencers for being too perfect. I get it. We all feel sub-par when presented with images of the "perfect" family...but the author herself was not far from that. It just came off as kind of tone deaf. I'd rather this book have been written by someone more like myself, but that wouldn't happen realistically for many reasons, money being the main one.

I appreciated this book for the information presented and the commiseration of my situation as a mom, it helps to know others are suffering as well, but it was also frustrating at times.

[Heather Kirby · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book felt incredibly angsty and angry. While I did not disagree with the author I felt her anger through the pages and it did not resonate with me. While I appreciate her passion and agree that we NEED to change the dialogue in regard to motherhood and mothers being the default parent with a never-ending mental load, I feel there were no solutions presented. I think authors such as Eve Rodsky in FairPlay are continuing this same conversation but with a solution in mind. I also was so frustrated with the social media chapter specifically calling out Mormon women. Why is this the only religion called out? Is this truly the only religion in the US that embodies motherhood as a needed role? Also, as a Mormon woman myself in Utah working both full-time during the pandemic and part-time now, I did not agree with her sentiments.

Overall, this book was not for me and instead of buoying me up to cheer on her cause (which normally would be my initial thought process) I feel disillusioned and downtrodden. Would not recommend.

[M Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

An incredibly relatable book for this season of both motherhood and the time of year. Every sentence had me nodding in agreement or even shouting, "OMG, yes! That's it!" This book is deep dive into what so many mothers understand in our soul but are too tired to put into words. Highly recommend!

Thanks to Librofm and HarperAudio for this audiobook. My thoughts are my own.

[Sarah Greene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love this book. I generally agree with all of her conclusions and the sections about the history of motherhood in America were fascinating. It's one of the first books I have read that includes data about work and parenting during the first year of COVID-19 and the expectations and shifts in work flow that formed then.