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Reclaim Your Marriage: Grace for Wives Who Have Been Hurt by Pornography
When your husband struggles with pornography, your world is shattered. There are so many resources to help him, but what about you? Where can you go with your grief, insecurities, fear, and even anger? Jenny Solomon comes alongside hurting wives and gently encourages them to bring their pain to God, who is able to reclaim their marriage. She will help you to rest in God’s love, while at the same time taking one brave step at a time to care for your family and yourself. Jenny understands that when the heavy burden of sorrow weighs down your soul, it is helpful to lean hard on a few solid truths about who God is and how he is calling you to respond. One of the most important is that although you may feel lonely right now, you are not alone. In Reclaim Your Grace for Wives Who Have Been Hurt by Pornography ,you will learn how to draw close to the Lord as you address your own sorrows, questions, and temptations. The author will encourage you to find a Christian community where you can seek a listening ear and find close friends who will come alongside you and pray for you in this battle. Jenny not only knows the struggle you are facing but has experienced the power of the gospel to bring healing. Fighting pornography is not something a couple can handle alone. This book and the companion resource for husbands written by Jenny’s husband Curtis Solomon, Redeem Your Hope for Husbands Who Hurt with Pornography , can be used to bring hope and grace into a seemingly impossible situation. These resources can be used in the context of mentoring, counseling, or accountability relationships to give biblical direction and hope in the midst of a difficult struggle. Reclaim Your Marriage includes a foreword by Elyse Fitzpatrick.
- GenresChristianCounselling
208 pages, Paperback
Published April 25, 2022
26 people are currently reading
46 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
December 14, 2024
ORIGINAL REVIEW:
What a powerful and relevant book for wives who have been hurt by pornography, or for those who seek to understand. There are certainly many ways to steer readers wrong with a topic like this, but author Jenny Solomon gracefully resists them all.
This book avoids the entitlement/rage approach—“Girl. You don’t deserve a marriage like that...” and the godly doormat approach—“If you were just a more dutiful wife…” Instead, Jenny Solomon wisely calls readers to lament, seek help, define the scope of addiction, release self-blame, and embrace principles such as refusing to take revenge, envisioning what mercy looks like, and exploring what growth in your marriage can look like, (whether or not your husband is on board with making changes).
I absolutely love how Solomon leans into the story of Eliza Hamilton as a picture of grieving and reclaiming a marriage torn apart by sexual sin. Solomon also calls readers to take a deep dive into the experience of Abigail in the biblical narrative of Nabal & David.
Jenny Solomon writes with vulnerability and candor, gently coming alongside sisters who can relate to her story. You can really tell her purpose in writing the book is not just validation, empowerment, or quick fixes, but rather personal & marital healing.
Thankfully, “Reclaim Your Marriage” also addresses elephant-in-the-room questions such as “What about abuse?” “Should I marry a porn addict?” and “Can a porn addict be involved in ministry?”
“Reclaim Your Marriage” is a hugely valuable resource, in this age when more boys and men than ever struggle with internet porn. Jenny Solomon’s husband Curtis has also written a companion volume for husbands called “Redeem Your Marriage” that I suspect is also worth checking out!
~Jen
10/2024 Update: Forgot to mention another critical issue Jenny Solomon addresses: the dilemma many Christian wives face from husbands who are not supportive of their spiritual growth. I have been FLOORED at how pervasive of an issue this is. Over the years I have grieved over female friends who have resisted church membership, (or even refused to attend church at all!) because their husbands aren’t on board—husbands, who in many cases profess to be believers.
These wives are holding back from seeking spiritual nourishment from preaching and teaching of God’s Word, from receiving spiritual oversight through being linked to a church, and from enjoying regular spiritual connection with the body of Christ, because they “need to submit to their husband.”
Solomon very helpfully explains that in cases like this, the call of obedience to God trumps the call of submission to one’s spouse.
I suspect many of us find it easier to embrace this concept when applied in other contexts, such as, “Obey the government except when it requires you to disobey God.” But for some reason our ability to envision this in a marriage context becomes muddled.
Granted, in some cases, there are other complicating issues at work, such as codependency, abuse, enabling, or even adopting “my husband doesn’t want us to” as a personal excuse. But wives, this is a call to throw off relational & spiritual dysfunction and follow God’s call on our lives, first & foremost above anything another human is demanding of us (even our own spouse). And if we are sensing conflict between God's call and something our husband is pressuring us into, it’s time to do the hard work of putting this principle to work. For anyone dealing with this personally, Jenny Solomon says it waaaay better than I can, so I deeply recommend this book.
What a powerful and relevant book for wives who have been hurt by pornography, or for those who seek to understand. There are certainly many ways to steer readers wrong with a topic like this, but author Jenny Solomon gracefully resists them all.
This book avoids the entitlement/rage approach—“Girl. You don’t deserve a marriage like that...” and the godly doormat approach—“If you were just a more dutiful wife…” Instead, Jenny Solomon wisely calls readers to lament, seek help, define the scope of addiction, release self-blame, and embrace principles such as refusing to take revenge, envisioning what mercy looks like, and exploring what growth in your marriage can look like, (whether or not your husband is on board with making changes).
I absolutely love how Solomon leans into the story of Eliza Hamilton as a picture of grieving and reclaiming a marriage torn apart by sexual sin. Solomon also calls readers to take a deep dive into the experience of Abigail in the biblical narrative of Nabal & David.
Jenny Solomon writes with vulnerability and candor, gently coming alongside sisters who can relate to her story. You can really tell her purpose in writing the book is not just validation, empowerment, or quick fixes, but rather personal & marital healing.
Thankfully, “Reclaim Your Marriage” also addresses elephant-in-the-room questions such as “What about abuse?” “Should I marry a porn addict?” and “Can a porn addict be involved in ministry?”
“Reclaim Your Marriage” is a hugely valuable resource, in this age when more boys and men than ever struggle with internet porn. Jenny Solomon’s husband Curtis has also written a companion volume for husbands called “Redeem Your Marriage” that I suspect is also worth checking out!
~Jen
10/2024 Update: Forgot to mention another critical issue Jenny Solomon addresses: the dilemma many Christian wives face from husbands who are not supportive of their spiritual growth. I have been FLOORED at how pervasive of an issue this is. Over the years I have grieved over female friends who have resisted church membership, (or even refused to attend church at all!) because their husbands aren’t on board—husbands, who in many cases profess to be believers.
These wives are holding back from seeking spiritual nourishment from preaching and teaching of God’s Word, from receiving spiritual oversight through being linked to a church, and from enjoying regular spiritual connection with the body of Christ, because they “need to submit to their husband.”
Solomon very helpfully explains that in cases like this, the call of obedience to God trumps the call of submission to one’s spouse.
I suspect many of us find it easier to embrace this concept when applied in other contexts, such as, “Obey the government except when it requires you to disobey God.” But for some reason our ability to envision this in a marriage context becomes muddled.
Granted, in some cases, there are other complicating issues at work, such as codependency, abuse, enabling, or even adopting “my husband doesn’t want us to” as a personal excuse. But wives, this is a call to throw off relational & spiritual dysfunction and follow God’s call on our lives, first & foremost above anything another human is demanding of us (even our own spouse). And if we are sensing conflict between God's call and something our husband is pressuring us into, it’s time to do the hard work of putting this principle to work. For anyone dealing with this personally, Jenny Solomon says it waaaay better than I can, so I deeply recommend this book.
May 27, 2023
It takes more than a courage for a woman to write a book about how God’s grace strengthens her to walk with her husband mortifying his pornography sin. This book should be read in a companion with Curtis’ book, redeem your marriage.
Most of books about sexual sins, lust, and pornography out there (that i know of) are written by men for other men, even tho all of them claim that their books can be applied for women but women are not immune to this sin.
But this book is different, this book is about (I’m imagining) a wife who is on her knees daily, banging the door of heaven like Mercy from the Pilgrim’s progress banging the narrow gate.
Jenny started the book by telling us about a 2014 survey that said 64% of christian men view porn at least once a month (15% for women). That number should make all of us (especially women) to read this book by Jenny.
If you’re a single woman, you have to read this book as a part of your preparation!
Of course none of us are expecting that our future spouse watch porn at least once a month, but whether you’re in the season of marriage, preparing for one, or in the season of waiting, you should read this book! One of the purposes of marriage is the sanctification for both you and your spouse, and this book will be a great help. You can also apply the lovely example of Abigail and avoid the bad example of Simon for other sins your spouse is struggling too. Not only porn.
If I could request an extra chapter from Jenny, it will be a chapter about how the joy of the Lord empowers her to enjoy God in picking up her cross and denying herself in this journey throughout the years.
And if I could ask her, I will ask, when is the right timing for a man confessing his porn struggle to his woman? Before the marriage or after? If it’s before, should it be a ground for a break up?
Most of books about sexual sins, lust, and pornography out there (that i know of) are written by men for other men, even tho all of them claim that their books can be applied for women but women are not immune to this sin.
But this book is different, this book is about (I’m imagining) a wife who is on her knees daily, banging the door of heaven like Mercy from the Pilgrim’s progress banging the narrow gate.
Jenny started the book by telling us about a 2014 survey that said 64% of christian men view porn at least once a month (15% for women). That number should make all of us (especially women) to read this book by Jenny.
If you’re a single woman, you have to read this book as a part of your preparation!
Of course none of us are expecting that our future spouse watch porn at least once a month, but whether you’re in the season of marriage, preparing for one, or in the season of waiting, you should read this book! One of the purposes of marriage is the sanctification for both you and your spouse, and this book will be a great help. You can also apply the lovely example of Abigail and avoid the bad example of Simon for other sins your spouse is struggling too. Not only porn.
If I could request an extra chapter from Jenny, it will be a chapter about how the joy of the Lord empowers her to enjoy God in picking up her cross and denying herself in this journey throughout the years.
And if I could ask her, I will ask, when is the right timing for a man confessing his porn struggle to his woman? Before the marriage or after? If it’s before, should it be a ground for a break up?
January 5, 2025
Concise, timely, and insightful. I think this is a great resource for biblical counselors for a time when pornography has become such a common issue in society and the church. Solomon provides great encouragement with this book and is gentle and firm as she points wives to Christ and the help of their local body of believers. I also appreciate her humility in sharing her personal experiences. I’m on to Curtis’s book (her husband wrote a book to accompany for husbands).
November 22, 2025
Un libro escrito desde la vulnerabilidad de la autora. Trae ánimo, esperanza y consuelo a mujeres que sufren por la adicción de sus esposos a la pornografía.
June 17, 2025
This book is very helpful if you are a woman wondering where to turn after you have discovered your husband’s pornography use. It’s a lonely place that feels like you are all alone. This book has helped me to see that I am not alone and there is hope and healing to be had as long as our eyes are on Jesus.
June 24, 2023
This book is full of grace, hope, and wisdom. Jenny is gentle but firm with the reader. I love how she weaves Abigail's story throughout the book. I highly recommend this book for wives who have been betrayed through pornography.
September 27, 2023
A wonderful resource for anyone that has personal hurt in this area. Awesome appendices, great biblical answers to difficult questions. A loving but encouraging/exhorting approach to a difficult and painful topic.
November 6, 2024
This book gives a beautiful breakdown of two stories- Abigail and David & The woman who wept at Jesus' feet and washed his feet with her perfume. The book is helpful and encouraging and deals with the topic head on.
February 17, 2023
Jenny Solomon’s heart for wives is evident in this book, and she does an excellent job of balancing modern psychological/physiological understandings of porn and its effects with Biblical wisdom.
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November 22, 2024DNF: I can see this book being extremely helpful for those whose husbands are actively watching porn and having sexual sin.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews