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Drowning Quietly: Memoir of a Man's Shortcomings
“By the time the doctors were ready to do the first round of assisted fertilization, my wife had been to hormonal hell and back. All that remained was to ‘introduce’ the father’s seed to the eggs.
"This they did, literally. They introduced a bunch of my sperm cells to one of my wife’s eggs. All those swimmers had to do was swim across the petri dish over to the egg and fertilize it. All that egg required was for one (just one!) of the two million sperm cells to swim over, whisper, ‘Well, hello there, honey’ into the egg’s ear, and—boom!—one pregnant woman.
"They couldn’t even manage that. Instead, they swam around aimlessly, like goldfish in a pond, until they ran out of steam and died.”
Infertility treatments—along with witches and angels, Catholic school, a life-changing swimming pool incident, Italian hillbillies, and much more—are all part of Pellegrino Riccardi’s at times heartbreaking and at times hilarious recounting of his life.
Playful and provocative, this memoir not only entertains but inspires profound conversation about what “masculinity” means today. Riccardi’s writing is witty and lyrical, even when discussing uncomfortable topics. His raw, touching, and admirably revealing account of his strengths and failings as a man, a husband, and a father will open a dialogue many men have been unwilling to explore about vulnerability, strength, gender roles, expressing emotions, and how and why men think and act the way they do. If you’ve ever wanted to eavesdrop on the unspoken thoughts of a man, this book will not disappoint!
"This they did, literally. They introduced a bunch of my sperm cells to one of my wife’s eggs. All those swimmers had to do was swim across the petri dish over to the egg and fertilize it. All that egg required was for one (just one!) of the two million sperm cells to swim over, whisper, ‘Well, hello there, honey’ into the egg’s ear, and—boom!—one pregnant woman.
"They couldn’t even manage that. Instead, they swam around aimlessly, like goldfish in a pond, until they ran out of steam and died.”
Infertility treatments—along with witches and angels, Catholic school, a life-changing swimming pool incident, Italian hillbillies, and much more—are all part of Pellegrino Riccardi’s at times heartbreaking and at times hilarious recounting of his life.
Playful and provocative, this memoir not only entertains but inspires profound conversation about what “masculinity” means today. Riccardi’s writing is witty and lyrical, even when discussing uncomfortable topics. His raw, touching, and admirably revealing account of his strengths and failings as a man, a husband, and a father will open a dialogue many men have been unwilling to explore about vulnerability, strength, gender roles, expressing emotions, and how and why men think and act the way they do. If you’ve ever wanted to eavesdrop on the unspoken thoughts of a man, this book will not disappoint!
Kindle Edition
Published March 15, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
November 15, 2022
***I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway***
There are so many memoirs out in the world; I would love to see a study on how many are by women vs men. I read a lot of memoirs by women and was drawn to this one because it was the story of a man, his life, his shortcomings, and how he has moved through life.
Men don't get a chance to talk about their emotions, their view of where they sit in society, and how they cope as much as they should. I commend the author for putting himself out there, emphasizing how important it is to develop the tools to communicate feelings and accept help, and he urges his fellow men to open up. We need more of this.
Unfortunately, the memoir itself fell flat for me. That could just be stylistic, and fully expect others might find it more engaging. The one thing worth mentioning is that the book opens up with a description of the author's 3 year old daughter stepping into a pool and drowning. It is left hanging whether or not she survived and he does not release that tension until the final pages of the book. I understand why he wanted to create that tension but I do NOT want to read a book where a child's life is hanging in the balance for hundreds of pages. Especially not a real child in a true story. That felt cruel and almost gimmicky. It made me less inclined to appreciate the book. [Spoiler: she does survive, thankfully]
Overall, I'm glad this book exists and I want to see more memoirs from men about their journey towards emotional intelligence.
There are so many memoirs out in the world; I would love to see a study on how many are by women vs men. I read a lot of memoirs by women and was drawn to this one because it was the story of a man, his life, his shortcomings, and how he has moved through life.
Men don't get a chance to talk about their emotions, their view of where they sit in society, and how they cope as much as they should. I commend the author for putting himself out there, emphasizing how important it is to develop the tools to communicate feelings and accept help, and he urges his fellow men to open up. We need more of this.
Unfortunately, the memoir itself fell flat for me. That could just be stylistic, and fully expect others might find it more engaging. The one thing worth mentioning is that the book opens up with a description of the author's 3 year old daughter stepping into a pool and drowning. It is left hanging whether or not she survived and he does not release that tension until the final pages of the book. I understand why he wanted to create that tension but I do NOT want to read a book where a child's life is hanging in the balance for hundreds of pages. Especially not a real child in a true story. That felt cruel and almost gimmicky. It made me less inclined to appreciate the book. [Spoiler: she does survive, thankfully]
Overall, I'm glad this book exists and I want to see more memoirs from men about their journey towards emotional intelligence.
January 2, 2023
"Life is beautiful, even when it it ugly."
July 28, 2022
This book was...alot of things. The prose was beautiful and the writing descriptive and clean and as the book started I was very thrilled. He takes the reader on a journey of infertility from a man's perspective, and it was a thought provoking and interesting point of view that, as a woman, I hadnt considered before. I honor his candor and bravery for sharing his story. His writing about his daughter's drowning was beautiful, raw, emotional, ane tear jerking. I literally sobbed through the first part while I read about his pain. I could feel loss with him, for him. I felt it so much, that I had to put the book down for a few weeks and come back to finish it later.
The start of the book does not tell you whether the daughter lives or dies. After I got to about chapter 4 or 5, I couldn't take I anymore and skimmed the book and reviews in order to get my answer. But once my heart could calm down and I could breathe again, insettled in for the rest of the story. (Not spoiling here - read the book...)
As the book continues, and he takes the reader through his misadventures in male infertility, and thrbups and downs of marriage and parenthood, but I found myself struggling to stay engaged through mout parts of his story. Descriptive writing about families, life , joy, pain, conception, childbirth, parenting, and so much more, I find delightful and moving. Descriptive writing about buttholes, suppositories, anal exams, and Hungarian porn however, is....less thrilling.
I do hope the author will put his writing skills to use again and give some fiction to devour!
The start of the book does not tell you whether the daughter lives or dies. After I got to about chapter 4 or 5, I couldn't take I anymore and skimmed the book and reviews in order to get my answer. But once my heart could calm down and I could breathe again, insettled in for the rest of the story. (Not spoiling here - read the book...)
As the book continues, and he takes the reader through his misadventures in male infertility, and thrbups and downs of marriage and parenthood, but I found myself struggling to stay engaged through mout parts of his story. Descriptive writing about families, life , joy, pain, conception, childbirth, parenting, and so much more, I find delightful and moving. Descriptive writing about buttholes, suppositories, anal exams, and Hungarian porn however, is....less thrilling.
I do hope the author will put his writing skills to use again and give some fiction to devour!
April 1, 2022
I received a free Kindle version of this book for an honest review.
I really enjoy reading about other people. I could relate a little bit with Pell's issues with infertility and the feelings of being incomplete and a disappointment. I can also relate to things becoming so mechanical that you loose sight of yourself, your partner, and the pleasure you once had in connecting with each other. Pell also touched on how his upbringing posed some issues in how he related to the people closest to him. He states that, "anger is fear's protective armor, and that "love is about giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting they won't use it".
Pell is not perfect by any means and he has done things that have hurt the most important people in his life. He says that, "A man's only escape from his old self is to see a different self mirrored in a woman's eyes." Pell believes that shame feeds on secrecy. He wrote this book to expose his secrets. He states, "By removing the secrecy, you can begin to deal with and heal from your shame."
I usually give all of the Memoir's that I read a 5 star rating just simply because I cannot give anyones life less than that. Thank you for sharing your story Pellegrino Riccardi. Some of your story was beautiful and some of it was ugly just as your mother said, "Life is beautiful, even when it's ugly."
I really enjoy reading about other people. I could relate a little bit with Pell's issues with infertility and the feelings of being incomplete and a disappointment. I can also relate to things becoming so mechanical that you loose sight of yourself, your partner, and the pleasure you once had in connecting with each other. Pell also touched on how his upbringing posed some issues in how he related to the people closest to him. He states that, "anger is fear's protective armor, and that "love is about giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting they won't use it".
Pell is not perfect by any means and he has done things that have hurt the most important people in his life. He says that, "A man's only escape from his old self is to see a different self mirrored in a woman's eyes." Pell believes that shame feeds on secrecy. He wrote this book to expose his secrets. He states, "By removing the secrecy, you can begin to deal with and heal from your shame."
I usually give all of the Memoir's that I read a 5 star rating just simply because I cannot give anyones life less than that. Thank you for sharing your story Pellegrino Riccardi. Some of your story was beautiful and some of it was ugly just as your mother said, "Life is beautiful, even when it's ugly."
August 6, 2022
Jeg havde mødt Riccardi til en af hans præsentationer. En præsentation som var både morsom, indsigtsfuld og tankevækkende (flere ted talks kan findes på internettet). Men indhold og budskab i Riccardis præsentationer ligger noget fra budskabet i bogen. Jeg var derfor helt uforberedt på hvad der var i vente, da jeg læste de første kapitler og som mange andre blev jeg meget rørt.
Når Riccardi er bedst beskriver han parforholdets mange udfordringer, kampen for at blive forældre og hvordan hans opvækst og ungdom har formet ham på en både humoristisk og malerisk facon (ingen tvivl om at Pelli kan noget med ord), men samtidig med et klart budskab til læseren. Jeg bliver inddraget, uddannet - educazione - og kan spejle mit eget liv, men får samtidig et smil på læben.
Når jeg ikke når helt op på fem stjerner er det fordi, der er passager, hvor jeg får en fornemmelse af fyld - hvorfor skal jeg vide dette? Er dette bare en bihistorie for at skrive lidt flere sider? - og der er passager, hvor jeg bliver stilforvirret for er vi nu i gang med en, om end malerisk, beskrivelse af faktiske begivenheder eller har forfatteren taget sig så store friheder, at vi er i ren fiktion?
Bottom line er dog, at bogen fik mig til at reflektere over mit liv og mine handlinger, og til syvende og sidst er det vel netop det en god bog skal kunne.
Når Riccardi er bedst beskriver han parforholdets mange udfordringer, kampen for at blive forældre og hvordan hans opvækst og ungdom har formet ham på en både humoristisk og malerisk facon (ingen tvivl om at Pelli kan noget med ord), men samtidig med et klart budskab til læseren. Jeg bliver inddraget, uddannet - educazione - og kan spejle mit eget liv, men får samtidig et smil på læben.
Når jeg ikke når helt op på fem stjerner er det fordi, der er passager, hvor jeg får en fornemmelse af fyld - hvorfor skal jeg vide dette? Er dette bare en bihistorie for at skrive lidt flere sider? - og der er passager, hvor jeg bliver stilforvirret for er vi nu i gang med en, om end malerisk, beskrivelse af faktiske begivenheder eller har forfatteren taget sig så store friheder, at vi er i ren fiktion?
Bottom line er dog, at bogen fik mig til at reflektere over mit liv og mine handlinger, og til syvende og sidst er det vel netop det en god bog skal kunne.
June 6, 2023
Read months ago the signed copy of the book "Drowning quietly", by Pellegrino Riccardi. I let that sink and wait, as there are a few books that has a real and deep effect or do change my attitude towards something or someone.
The book, as just a few other ones, influenced me in a certain way that it still makes me to reflect upon the notion of what the society (depending of culture and social situation), expects, conforms and accepts as "normal". The cultural assumptions forms into an expectation of how men and women should and should not behave, expectations that often creates limitations, or impacting in a negative way the emotional and psychological well-being and often, giving the wrong model to follow while enforcing the same model to remain and thrive.
While women could progress more in certain ways, expectations for men remained the same.
The book, as just a few other ones, influenced me in a certain way that it still makes me to reflect upon the notion of what the society (depending of culture and social situation), expects, conforms and accepts as "normal". The cultural assumptions forms into an expectation of how men and women should and should not behave, expectations that often creates limitations, or impacting in a negative way the emotional and psychological well-being and often, giving the wrong model to follow while enforcing the same model to remain and thrive.
While women could progress more in certain ways, expectations for men remained the same.
August 5, 2022
I had trouble putting this book down. It’s a very good read! And even knowing the outcome of the drowning, I found myself stressed out, waiting for him to actually say it.
Pell is such a talented communicator; he knows how to tell a story and capture his audience. Admittedly, he lost me ever so slightly with some of the repetition of his horror/discomfort over his part of the IVF process and the tests leading up to it (hence not absolutely perfect marks; although it should be a 4.5) but overall, I was really engaged in this book.
Kudos to Pell for being so open and raw about his own fallibility. This is an important read, especially for men, but also for women to understand the hidden pressures many men feel.
Pell is such a talented communicator; he knows how to tell a story and capture his audience. Admittedly, he lost me ever so slightly with some of the repetition of his horror/discomfort over his part of the IVF process and the tests leading up to it (hence not absolutely perfect marks; although it should be a 4.5) but overall, I was really engaged in this book.
Kudos to Pell for being so open and raw about his own fallibility. This is an important read, especially for men, but also for women to understand the hidden pressures many men feel.
May 12, 2022
Pellegrino should be applauded for setting down his innermost fears, thoughts and experiences into this great book. Really no easy task to write with such honesty, but Pel doubles the challenge by allowing moments of great humour, which together caused me to reflect on my own life's experiences, my own emotional state at certain times, and my own ability to cope with the pitfalls and roadblocks this wonderful life throws at us. Written in a nice flowing style. That old cliché but this is a book you can not put down.
April 27, 2022
I laughed and cried ❤️ Pellegrino Riccardis book "Drowning Quietly" is called a Memoir of a mans shortcomings. It is indeed a book about shortcomings. However, to mee, it is more a book of a mans bravery, honesty and willingness to use self-insight and reflections for change. I hope and believe it will inspire many men and woman. Thank you Pellegrino! Your work on stage and as a writer makes the world a better place!
April 28, 2022
The brutal beauty of life. Even the beauty of brutality.
This personal story embraces much wider than “only” one man’s story.
Sentences, and the brilliant use of repetitions and unexpected outbursts of laughter, shape vivid pictures and sensory impressions that will stay with me for a very long time.
My soulmate animal the meerkat will never again be quite the same....
Life is too short for bad books. And too short to miss the special ones.
Don’t miss this one.
This personal story embraces much wider than “only” one man’s story.
Sentences, and the brilliant use of repetitions and unexpected outbursts of laughter, shape vivid pictures and sensory impressions that will stay with me for a very long time.
My soulmate animal the meerkat will never again be quite the same....
Life is too short for bad books. And too short to miss the special ones.
Don’t miss this one.
April 25, 2022
That was a close call
This book is autobiographical. In the beginning, his youngest child almost drrowned in a pool. The rest is about how he demonstrates his love for the members of his famiily with the things he does. Here love is in the everyday life of the family. This is pleasant, light reading.
This book is autobiographical. In the beginning, his youngest child almost drrowned in a pool. The rest is about how he demonstrates his love for the members of his famiily with the things he does. Here love is in the everyday life of the family. This is pleasant, light reading.
June 24, 2022
I received a free copy of this book through a Goodreads giveaway.
This was a solid read that is very conversational in tone and flows well. It had me laughing, tearing up, and sympathizing throughout. The combination of humor alongside trauma works to keep you progressing through the book without things getting overly heavy or dry.
This was a solid read that is very conversational in tone and flows well. It had me laughing, tearing up, and sympathizing throughout. The combination of humor alongside trauma works to keep you progressing through the book without things getting overly heavy or dry.
June 24, 2022
What an honest description of a man struggling with his personality with the aim to be a better man. I was really touched by this book and hope many will read it to understand that it is always better be honest, open and share one's struggles with trusted people. But sharing with everybody is an even bigger step. Pellegrino, you are amazing.
June 12, 2022
Loved this book!
Thank you Pelegrino for opening up and sharing your life with me- the reader. It was heartening to know that what you’ve shared might help other men, and women to understand men and emotions.
Thank you Pelegrino for opening up and sharing your life with me- the reader. It was heartening to know that what you’ve shared might help other men, and women to understand men and emotions.
June 17, 2022
So close to being great
I thoroughly enjoyed this book … at first. Then it became very repetitive. Still, I was all set to give it four stars until the last 10 pages or so where it just lost its luster. I know it’s a memoir, but I feel a bit led on by the story.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book … at first. Then it became very repetitive. Still, I was all set to give it four stars until the last 10 pages or so where it just lost its luster. I know it’s a memoir, but I feel a bit led on by the story.
July 3, 2022
"Life is beautiful, even when it's ugly."
It was courageous for Pell to detail his thoughts and failings for the world. Funny and insightful. And I knew there were rednecks everywhere, they just have different accents.
It was courageous for Pell to detail his thoughts and failings for the world. Funny and insightful. And I knew there were rednecks everywhere, they just have different accents.
August 20, 2022
One of the topics in the book was infertility and the author's reflection on the IVF process. As a woman who went through something similar, it was very interesting to read the male perspective and remember that they go through the same pain and disappointment during the process.
May 8, 2022
I received this free Kindle book from a competition.This book had a lot of great reviews, but this was not one for me. I did finish the book and it is so so but I cannot recommend it.
June 12, 2022
This must be the best and most relevant book about today's man! Very informative interesting, touching and funny at the same time. Joyfull to read!
June 13, 2022
This was an interest read.
June 22, 2022
It was an emotional reading, without any doubt. Somehow I could relate myself to the story.
July 22, 2022
I received this as a Goodreads giveaway, but I'm sorry to say that I did not like it at all! I only finished it to find out the fate of his little girl. He implies that she drowned, but we all know that someone fished right out of water can often be revived. I hold it against him that we had to wait all the way to the end of the book to find out what happened.
I thought the author was full of himself and pretentious, patting himself on the back for his new sensitive insights and his "humility". It was a lot of baloney. And he swore a LOT. Well, good for you, buddy, that you've seen the light and stopped being a jerk, but I'm not really so sure about that.
Thank you anyway, for the Kindle copy, and here is my honest review!
I thought the author was full of himself and pretentious, patting himself on the back for his new sensitive insights and his "humility". It was a lot of baloney. And he swore a LOT. Well, good for you, buddy, that you've seen the light and stopped being a jerk, but I'm not really so sure about that.
Thank you anyway, for the Kindle copy, and here is my honest review!
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews