The Self-Talk Workout

by Rachel Goldsmith Turow

Self-talk matters, but what methods of building healthy self-talk actually work? This how-to guide shares evidence-based techniques to go from being your own worst critic to your own best friend.

Perhaps you want to be nicer to yourself but don’t really know how to get there. Or maybe you’re someone who assumes self-criticism is a permanent part of your personality. Rest assured you’re not alone—millions of people struggle with the toll that excessive self-criticism takes on their minds, energy levels, jobs, and relationships. And problems with self-talk vary dramatically from one person to the next: they can appear as mild but persistent inner criticism, full-blown self-loathing, or the pain of internalized oppression or abuse.

After over twenty years of working with individuals, groups, and classes on self-criticism and related challenges, psychologist and mindfulness teacher Dr. Rachel Goldsmith Turow offers the “self-talk workout”—six doable exercises that can help you replace self-criticism with self-kindness and self-encouragement. Specific self-talk strategies such as “Spot the success,” “Fail forward,” and “Allowing all feelings, skillfully,” require just a few minutes a day. These skills can be practiced individually to transform your self-talk, or you can choose to combine two or more exercises to enhance your self-talk workout. Each chapter features a core exercise, variations on the strategy that might feel right for you, scientific studies supporting each approach, and success stories to inspire your own practice.

Turow includes examples from her own life and experiences as a psychotherapist, as well as lessons from her students and respected public figures such as Michelle Obama and Thich Nhat Hanh, to show that the burden of harsh self-criticism need not go on forever: the way that we relate to ourselves can be changed.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Audiobook, Health

240 pages, Paperback

Published August 30, 2022

About the author

Rachel Goldsmith Turow, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, research scientist, mindfulness teacher, and an adjunct faculty member at Seattle University and at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai. She is the author of over 30 peer-reviewed scientific articles and book chapters.

Rachel's work originally focused on the ways that people experience stress and trauma. Over the years, Rachel noted that many of the strategies that help people recover from trauma can also build emotional resilience more generally. Rachel's current work emphasizes specific mental techniques that decrease self-criticism, cultivate self-encouragement, and promote healthy behaviors.

Reviews

[Maura Burns · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not, in general, a self-help book kind of girl. Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus kind of put the nail in the coffin on that one back in the 90s. But this was an area I really wanted to explore, so I gave it a go. I'm really glad I did because I learned a lot of valuable techniques to cut down on negative self-talk. When you're your own harshest critic, you're usually being frankly unkind to yourself and, IMO, that can deepen depression. So this book and the lessons it usually me are just what I needed. Having a decent background in meditation already also helped because many of her suggestions are rooted in meditation techniques. As I've learned, many people have tried and rejected meditation, for reasons i don't always understand, but I don't think this would have resonated with me write as much if I didn't already utilize different breathing techniques from meditation lessons. If you're someone who "can't" do meditation or, really, decided you can't and aren't willing to go through some of the discomfort it may bring up if you're not "good enough" at it to your own mind, this book may not be for you, though I encourage you to try again. Meditation is called a "practice" for a reason, trying and failing is part of the teaching and learning. It just is.

TL;DR I liked this audiobook and found it up be very useful for changing my self-talk. It's still an ongoing process, but i feel like this successfully got me headed in the right direction.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some really useful and easy to incorporate techniques in this book. I think this would have worked better for me as a series of podcasts instead of one continuous audiobook.

[Nitin Vaidya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self Criticism!! What a pain in the backside!! If you are one of those people whose internal chatter keeps on rambling all day long and does not allow you to function to the best of your ability then this book is for you. There were loads of practical ideas in the book as to how to improve the way you talk to yourself with kindness and less judgment. The thing that sticks with me the most from the book is that it's all about repetition! Practice makes you perfect! You really need to commit yourself to treating yourself better consistently! All in all, a must read for everyone! I will be reading this book again and again at different points in my life!

[Jamie Newman · Rating 4 out of 5]

1 star for writing: Dr. Turow's writing style is calming in and of itself.
1 star for research quality: Exceedingly well researched, without being overwhelming.
1 star for premise
0 star for impact: I have to mention this often, because my star rating is deceptive...my favorite books land in the 3-4 range. This one is unfair because I actively use most of these so it was more of an "yes! There's evidence!" sort of thing.
1 for liking it: I'll definitely be using this with my students.

[Jo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Soothing voice and lots of lovely techniques and questions to reflect on. A must read.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad, but OMG it does not take 34 pages to explain the lovingkindess meditation.

[Kamp Woods · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed how this book provided examples and instructions regarding different techniques that could be applied to increase mindfulness.
I also really appreciate how the author approached the reader as a human and reinforced ideas of practice and patience when it comes to making progress in life.

I really like how the author provided questions that give the reader and opportunity to truly be introspective and reflect on their own personal character and life experience. The book explored topics like self-criticism, being judgmental, and gratitude as well. Overall a really good read, would even go back to listen again to maximize the benefits.

[Molly Crerand]

It was ok, but I was honestly so bored. Felt like it could have been 100+ pages shorter.

[Chandra Powers Wersch · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the first time I fully understood why meditation is so powerful in rewiring your brain (the info on the brain's task positive and default mode networks was incredibly helpful)

[becca✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book felt like free therapy. helped me figure out tangible, mindful practices to help my anxiety. it’s not just about self talk, but the way we interact with our brain and form pathways that can be keeping us stuck in cycles.

it doesn’t get better fast, embrace slow practice and quiet strength.

[marcia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is fantastic. It has really helped me soothe my anxiety and manage my inner critic. Each chapter introduces a small but easily actionable exercise, as well as the research and personal anecdote behind how and why it'd work. At first, I was skeptical about some of these techniques. But after taking the time to implement them into my life, I am a true believer. Cannot recommend this book enough.

[Jill Weiner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked how this started with very simple strategies (the first one takes literally 5 seconds) and then moves on to more involved techniques for dealing with a noisy inner critic. Clear and helpful advice.

[Sima Lewi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Just wow. I can’t believe I went my entire life thinking that downplaying my accomplishments and calling myself ugly and fat would make people see me as self-aware. But she explained it so clearly. This book cracked something wide open in me. It was truly life altering.

[Maureen Forys · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dammit this WORKS. Needed a reread to remind myself! Self critics and ruminators: I highly highly recommend this!

[Raffaello Palandri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book of the Day – The Self-Talk Workout

Today’s Book of the Day is THE SELF-TALK WORKOUT, written by Rachel Goldsmith Turow in 2022 and published by Shambhala.
Dr. Rachel Goldsmith Turow is a psychotherapist, a researcher, an adjunct faculty member at Seattle University and the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, and a mindfulness teacher.

She is a renowned expert in teaching how to use mindfulness, self-compassion, and cognitive behavioral skills to help people get rid of their negative talk and grow. She is also a speaker and an author of books and scientifical articles.

I have chosen this book because I very often deal with Self-Criticism in my daily consulting and coaching job. People are stuck by their own, self-created negative ideas about themselves and this negatively impacts their personal and professional life and growth.

Almost everyone today knows that self-talk is responsible for most of our negative thoughts, yet, finding effective methods to get rid of it and improve not always is an easy challenge.

I witness almost daily that many people struggle with dealing with self-criticism. Some are even convinced that being hard on themselves is an inherent part of their personality and that this is the life they have to deal with.

Of course, all of this causes an endless series of personal and professional issues. Plus, it can also bring clinically relevant problems such as depression.

In this excellent book, Rachel Goldsmith Turow shares with the readers her deep knowledge of the matter, based on scientifical research and teaching practice. The book is a sort of practical tool, a how-to guide that will help most readers to quickly improve.

Bringing to the table more than twenty years of professional experience in helping people dealing with negative self-talk, the author developed what she calls a “self-talk workout”.

This workout is composed of six practical and effective exercises that everyone can do to replace self-criticism with a positive mindset.
The thing I appreciated most is that these exercises are literally doable in just a few minutes every day and you can also combine two or more of them to increase the effectiveness of the results. Each chapter of the book describes one of these exercises with scientific evidence that supports its use and some stories about people who used it with positive outcomes.

I loved this book, and I cannot hide it.

The style is engaging and the author makes an excellent job of mixing an engaging narrative with state-of-the-art scientifical evidence, thus offering a solid base to the readers who want to engage in practicing the workout.

I recommend reading the book, even if you think you are self-confident, as I am sure everyone can find something interesting in it.

[Yvette Le Blowitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the title of this book and how the author shared her own Self-Talk personal journey along with others.

I really loved how the author shared the research and science behind practices that are beneficial for improving our self-talk which in turn than improves our overall mental health and well-being.

I loved the practical, easy to follow, accessible self-talk practices.

It’s so easy to be self critical especially when society is so focused on social media and we are now programmed to either like something or someone or not.

Our new society norm is of judging ourselves or others especially on social media we are taught to either hit the like button because we like something or someone or not.

This hitting the like button or not now teaches even our kids to judge themselves or others based on how many likes or followers they have or even views now.

With a society that is now centred around judging ourselves or others and being self-critical of ourselves or others this is definitely why I feel that this book is a must read because it will help anyone discover how to be less self-critical of themselves especially and even others and how to be kinder to ourselves and others.

————

Full Disclaimer: As part of my own research as a Mental Health Podcast Host of Podcast Show: Feel Good From Within with Yvette Le Blowitz #spaitgirl podcast {available on any Podcast app or YouTube}

I noticed this book title and off my own back bought it as I loved the idea of Self-Talk being a workout out as it meant we all had the opportunity to improve.

That even if our self-talk was critical or negative and disempowering towards ourselves that a workout meant we had the potential to get better at it, to learn some practices so we could try it for ourselves and improve our self-talk.

After digesting this book, I truly felt it was so important for me to share more with our global community and audience.

If you want to learn more about the author and this book listen & subscribe to Feel Good From Within with Yvette Le Blowitz #spaitgirl podcast & welcome to our #spaitgirlbookclub #yvettesbookclub #feelgoodfromwithinbookclub too

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[Jon Passaro · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. The writing is engaging and fun to read but, beyond that, the author manages the impressive feat of rendering the material accessible while also providing the research basis for the statements in the book. I was reassured to know that the practical techniques the author provides have a solid scientific background, and grateful that the book made it easy to refer to peer-reviewed research on issues that were of particular interest for me.

The book has a practical structure, with each chapter presenting a different technique for addressing negative self-talk. The author presents a "core technique" and then draws from the experiences of her patients and students that have tried these techniques themselves, including the tweaks that some of these individuals found useful. This adds layers of nuance to the book, and avoids the "one size fits all" trap that many books of this genre tend to fall into. In other words, the book is honest about the fact that not all of the techniques will be as easily accessible for everyone, and that even those that are will inevitably be applied in different ways depending on who you are and what your needs are. I found this incredibly refreshing, and it made it that much easier to start applying these techniques, as I felt like I was benefitting from the road-tests of a huge range of individuals.

I highly recommend this book and, indeed have already started doing so to friends and family.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have the loudest inner critic in the universe. As a result, I’ve spent much of my adult life working to silence that voice and subsequently feeling bad when I fail. I’d attend workshops where the speaker would advise us to simply “flip the script” or “tell the critic he’s not in charge” and wonder what was wrong with me that the advice seemed impossible.

Then along came Rachel Turner and this book. She was the first therapist who recognized that low self-esteem and self-criticism can be deeply engrained and difficult to battle. She won me over with this quote from page 1:

People are often aware that their self-critical thoughts are painful and problematic, but they find that simply deciding to have healthier ones doesn’t usually work.

Hello, yes! Thank you! Unlike other books on self-talk, this book contained exercises designed to strengthen your self-esteem muscles. These exercises range from simple breathing to more complex meditation and are backed by scientific data. My favorite exercise was ‘Spot the Success’, a daily list-making exercise that trains your brain to see successes rather than give in to negativity bias.

Like all self-help books, The Self-Talk Workout isn’t for everyone. Nor can it solve all problems. It does, however, provide readers with more tools for the self-esteem toolbox. If you, like me, want to improve your self-talk, it’s worth a read.

[Vladislav M · Rating 4 out of 5]

I respect authors which seek to use cold hard science to support findings in the world of human emotion, relationships, and habit formation. As a result, I am generally attracted to books which advertise themselves as research-based. While I can certainly tell that this book is supported by a respectable mixture of academic, professional, and anecdotal experience, I was somewhat disheartened by how much it leans on theological or spiritual teachings as "sources of truth" to derive techniques, lessons, and conclusions to handle negative self-talk. At best, it comes off as mis-guided since that the book's title suggests "science-backed strategies to dissolve self-criticism". At worst, it comes off as plain incorrect and falsely advertised, since there is surely more scientific literature, studies, or experiments which could have been leveraged with significantly more credibility.

If I overlook the questionable scientific nature of the strategies found in this book, then I can truly say I appreciate how thorough and well-thought-out the points made in this book are. In all honesty, I believe this book deserves a 3.5/5 though I am leaning more towards a rating of 4 than 3.

[Kimberly Barnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

We all have an internal voice, also known as, self-talk. Self-talk can have positive or negative effects on one’s self. Positive self-talk can be encouraging and hopeful. Negative self-talk can have detrimental effects on your self-esteem, job/school performance, and psyche. The Self-Talk workout by Rachel Goldsmith Turow shares evidence based tips and strategies that one can use to improve your self-talk. Improving the way that talk to yourself can improve your outlook on life, your performance in everyday life, and even your health. This book provides “workouts” that are based upon research based strategies that help readers to improve their self-talk in order to decrease stress and improve overall well-being. I highly recommend this book. Thank you the publisher and NetGalley for the advance review copy in exchange for my honest review.

[Anastasia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this. I like dabbling in the self-help and personal development books. Some just don’t work well but sometimes I come across one that really resonates with me.
I have always struggled with negative self-criticism and I really like the way the author had reflective questions and actual ways to practice the positive self-talk in practical circumstances.
Some books can be super vague and this was not that way.
The thing about self improvement is it is always personal and it always takes time. This book really comes from a gentle, non judgmental perspective but also doesn’t shy away from the reality that life can be painful.
And talking kindly to yourself takes time and much repetition.
I liked it. Especially for my sensitive, scarred and beautiful soul.

[Lanette Sweeney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read, or at least start to read, an awful lot of self-help books, and few of them offer concrete advice that really makes an impression on me. This one did.

"Deep breath in, my love... long breath out, my love," is one of the specific mantras the author recommends we say to ourselves if we're having a tough time, both as a reminder to focus on our breathing, and as a means of addressing ourselves as the most important person in our lives.

That kind of specificity means a lot more to me than just a general edict to end my negative self-talk. The rest of the book is full of similarly smart, precise ideas, but I'll let you discover them yourself.

[Christina Sorley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inhale, my friend. Exhale, my friend. An easy meditation for an otherwise difficult world. In grad school, I’ve enjoyed learning about the minds defenses and why it’s easier to think about in negatives than it is into positives (especially around traumas). But changing and fostering compassion and gratitude seems daunting (the negative). I love Dr. Turow’s baby step suggestions and how they can help. Why it takes practice to build positivity, patience, compassion, and gratitude. After all, it took practice to be on the lookout for danger, but maybe we just can’t remember it.

I loved the audiobook on my daily walks and plan to put this on a biannual schedule…for practice ;-)

[Kelly]

This book is a collection of strategies to change the way the voice in your head influences your experiences, feelings, and satisfaction with life. The strategies are clear and easy to try on/follow. A lot of the work centers around the benefits of daily meditation and the author is clear about the challenges that exist around learning to meditate, but also very clear about the benefits. As someone who has invested time in meditation, she is spot on in this area. Well written and easy to engage with.

[Russell D · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rachel and all of the folks at Shambhala have helped me learn to make friends with my mind! Learning to life from the heart space creates true freedom from excessive worry. Ridding myself of negative self-talk is an ongoing journey that will take a lifetime. I’m now more pleased with the progress I have made than I was when I started listening to this book. These approaches included things I hadn’t yet considered. Being teachable, putting new things into practice, and giving ourselves grace has crated more space for inner peace in my life!

[AngelLeah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This would make a great blog post or article. Some people may prefer it in the book format, but I didn't feel like I needed all the stories wrapped around the 6 steps. I actually felt like the important stuff gets lost because of it. Especially when it felt like pages were devoted to "proving" simple things that I really didn't need to be convinced of. That being said, I did take some notes from a few of the steps. Undecided if I would recommend it. It might help some people that haven't done much mindfulness or self-esteem work already.

[Analie · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Inhale my friend, exhale my friend." This small practice is one of many packed into this book to reduce anxiety and self-criticism. It's sooo practical. As a university professor and therapist who was also writing during the pandemic, Dr. Turow doesn't waste words. She cuts straight to the science with strategies to handle failure, difficult emotions, and more. It's a great book for anyone seeking concrete steps to increase their wellbeing.

[Makenzie Curr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a super easy read for clinicians or for those interested in bettering there inner voice. I have been using the tools in the book on myself and with clients over the past few weeks and have found improvement. While it does take time and it is hard work, it’s critical to put in this work to be able to enjoy life to its fullest. Highly recommend for those who believe they can be kinder to themselves or who are lacking motivation!

[Jonathon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Basically a quick run down of the most popular positivity boosting mindfulness practices. (Mindful breathing and loving kindness meditation for example) it you are new to these kind of practices then this book is of great value. I am familiar with meditation and mindfulness practices abs still enjoyed the book but nothing was new to me.

[Tania · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a brilliant compassion focused therapy self-help manual. The author condenses important methods of compassion focused therapy into simple and easy-to-use strategies, which can be helpful to people on all points of psychological well-being spectrum. Their helpfulness is backed up by scientific studies as well as the author's own clinical and teaching practice.