And This Is How to Stay Alive

by Shingai Njeri Kagunda

In & This is How to Stay Alive by Shingai Njeri Kagunda, Nyokabi's world unravels after her brother Baraka's death by suicide. When an eccentric auntie gives Nyokabi a potion that sends her back in time to when Baraka was still alive, it becomes her only goal to keep him that way. Nyokabi learns that storytellers may be the carriers of time, but defying the past comes with its own repercussions.



A beautiful and rending look at family, loss, and grief, all while sharply dissecting time travel tropes and delivering a powerful message about memory, storytelling, and responsibility. It's a story that hurts in the best of ways, confronting death and healing without losing its sense of humor or its impulse for rebellion.
--Charles Payseur, author of The Burning Day and Other Stories

& This is How to Stay Alive is a powerful manual for recovering from grief, exploring intergenerational trauma, and traveling through time. Kagunda's prose is intense and relatable; you'll feel like you're jumping through time with these characters. The perfect read for anyone and everyone.
--Eboni Dunbar, author of Stone and Steel

Highly inventive and brilliantly crafted. Kagunda pushes the envelope in this exceptional novella, playing with time and form as she explores grief and the drama of the human condition.
--Tendai Huchu, author of The Hairdresser of Harare

Rich with the beauty and harshness of life.
--Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah, author of Friday Black

Genres: Fantasy, Fiction, Novella, LGBT, Queer, Magical Realism, Science Fiction

102 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 26, 2021

Reviews

[Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

A moving novella about grief, family, and doing your best to love the people you care about. Our protagonist, Nyokabi, recently lost her brother to suicide. She takes a potion to go back in time to when her brother was still alive, complicating the story of his memory and her loss.

I liked the raw themes of regret, sadness, and disconnection/connection in this story. The time-traveling/science-fiction elements didn’t work as well for me and I found them a bit distracting, though it’s been rare for me to deeply enjoy sci-fi nowadays. If you’re into a quick read related to grief perhaps give this one a go.

[K.J. Charles]

Novella set in Kenya, about a family whose 19 year old son has just killed himself, and whose sister is tantalised by the possibility of turning back time to save him. The magical element is there but really it's a meditation on grief, loss, family, memory. And the importance of showing kindness now, not putting 'what people will think' or other priorities first, because there may not be more chances later. Lovely writing.

[Mona · Rating 5 out of 5]

a short novella that i finished in one sitting and the first book that made me cry real tears in a long long time… it was kind of hard to get into at first but once in, it's just so beautiful -- the prose, the switching narrator POVs, the raw, heartbreaking emotions… overall, an incredibly creative, inventive exploration of grief, loss, intergenerational trauma, sibling relationships, gender/sexual identity, and mental health through the lens of time travel and storytelling.

[Laurie (barksbooks) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one broke my heart. It’s a beautifully written devastating story about grief and hope and listening to those you love while you still have the chance. Rtc

[Bill Muganda · Rating 5 out of 5]

A novella on navigating grief, the immensity of loss, and how to navigate the lonely terrain is unique to each individual, though it's a universal occurrence.
The possibility of time travel is passed on to our Protagonist Nyokabi as she comes to terms with her brother's (Baraka) suicide. Sifting through various memories reveals instances that might have driven Baraka to the edge. Also, uncovering past trauma, how previous generations equate mental illness to insanity and how that narrative unspools affecting the coming generation.
Resonating in familiar settings and vivid memories that closely resemble my own experience just made me appreciate this story and the values in representation.

Thank you Shingai for gifting me the copy :)

[Aubrei K (earlgreypls) · Rating 5 out of 5]

5⭐️

“I can’t talk about the here and now without talking about the absence that exists in tomorrow.”

I am always impressed when a novella leaves an impact on me. For an author to bring the reader into their story, connect them to the characters, and make them walk away feeling like they’ve just consumed a piece of art… in under 100 pages.. takes so much talent!!

& This is How to Stay Alive was such a lovely little book about a young Kenyan woman who loses her younger brother to suicide. When she finds a way to travel through time, she becomes obsessed with the idea of changing the past.

In these short pages, the author explores the weight of grief, feelings of regret and love, living in the present, the stigma of mental illness, and the burden that comes from having to hide who you are and who you want to be in order to appease those around you. A lot of these themes reminded me of The Death of Vivek Oji (one of my favorite books ever).

The writing was extremely poetic, and the different POVs allowed the story to flow seamlessly. I loved the inclusion of Time as a narrator, it was so imaginative and well done!

“You know he is thinking of you. Thinking of all the ways he could have been different for you so that you would be different for him.”

CW: grief, suicide, mental illness, alcoholism

[aliyyah · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

I am aching.

[Flo Paar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Vllt eher so 3,5⭐️
Fand die Zeitsprünge ehrlich bisschen verwirrend aber war eig sehr schön und ziemlich traurig.

„it is difficult to explain what to do with the juxtaposition of coming to terms with what one cannot control and being brought into a world of possibilities, understanding that the only constant thing in life is change.”

[Ash(eaux) · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Kabi smiles. She wants to tell him he is poetry. She wants to write him into words that never die. “Beautiful,” she whispers and then closes her eyes—just for one moment."

3.5 stars. This has made me want to read a lot more books about sibling relationships.

[Sara Tantlinger · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Time will make you forget that some things hurt as deeply as they did..."

This was such an interesting read with incredibly fluid viewpoints -- it took me a few chapters to get into the way the story was being told through all of the different characters, but I ended up really enjoying how the tale moved between these connected lives. There are so many poignant moments and reflections on grief. Heartbreaking and beautiful, overall.

[E. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful, joyful (!) exploration of grief, and the jumbled path we all walk in its wake.

[Mimi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short read but a great one! Found it interesting how time is the narrator in the story. Beautifully written!

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

& This is How to Stay Alive is a speculative novella set in Kenya; it is written from multiple POVs including those of Nyokabi, a young woman, Baraka, her brother, and, quite interestingly, Time itself. Following Baraka’s passing by suicide, Nyokabi goes back in time to when he was still living and tries to change the future. While this is in some ways a book about time travel, it is much moreso a book about family, grief, trauma, and memory. Kagunda’s writing is beautiful, and this novella is deeply moving. I found reading this a very emotionally impactful experience and days later, I am still thinking about it. On the basis of this novella, I would absolutely love to read more from Shingai Njeri Kagunda.

Content warnings: suicide, suicidal thoughts, homophobia, transphobia, mental illness, grief

[Elisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

https://viaggiatricepigra.blogspot.co...


Volevo parlarvene da tempo ma è difficilissimo farlo.
Anche se non avrò le parole giuste, qualcosa voglio scrivere comunque perché merita di essere letto.
Affronta un tema estremamente delicato in un modo così particolare da lasciare il lettore spiazzato.

Parliamo della perdita.
Di chi resta dopo una morte, specialmente se violenta ed improvvisa, e deve affrontare la vita senza un enorme pezzo di sé.
Questo è il caso della nostra protagonista Nyokabi, distrutta dal suicidio del fratello Baraka.
Durante il funerale una vecchia zia le si avvicina e le lascia una specie di pozione per dormire, grazie a questa Nyokabi si rende conto di poter tornare indietro nel tempo, di "rivivere" momenti col fratello con la consapevolezza di cosa avrebbe fatto. Con la voglia di strapparlo a quella terribile decisione, di cambiare il futuro. Mentre oltre questi "sogni" la vita va avanti, lei deve trovare il modo per salvarlo.
Ma c'è un prezzo, come per tutto.

Una storia che ha radici in una cultura che non è la nostra (occidentale), ma la lingua comune del lutto è universale: cosa faresti se potessi cambiare le cose?
Nyokabi è giovane, molto legata al fratello e deve affrontare qualcosa che mai avrebbe pensato potesse accadere. Sentiamo il suo dolore, pagina dopo pagina. Insieme al suo sgomento, quando rivive le giornate col fratello. Confusi e speranzosi, le stiamo accanto, pagina dopo pagina, divorando la sua storia per scoprire come andrà avanti. Cosa deciderà di fare. Se riuscirà a portare a termine ciò che desidera, nonostante il tutto sembri una totale pazzia. Un sogno impossibile che si lega ad un dolore inimmaginabile.

Un breve racconto che racchiude tante emozioni diverse, tutte potenti e che ti scavano dentro.
Il tutto senza banalità, senza orpelli.
Ti resta dentro, scavando con unghie che non puoi fermare, lasciandoti sanguinante per una ferita che non ti riguarda personalmente. Questo lo trovo sempre straordinario.
Consiglierei a tutti la lettura, ma mi rendo conto che la tematica trattata è molto delicata e dolorosa allo stesso tempo.

[Dianthaa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent novella.

It focuses heavily on the grief of losing a family member to suicide, and the time travel and very cool usage of PoVs made that particularly heartbreaking.

I thought the writing was beautiful and had a few language and structure things that I'm not used but worked and flowed so well and naturally.

I've been struggling to find time travel books I liked and this one really brings a new and interesting perspective.

[Britt Writerly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beautifully written and rendered with all the vulnerable chaos of grieving. I loved Kabi and Baraka's sibling relationship and having it framed both in the context of their family and the nation's history made the story seem personal yet widely relevant. If you like a speculative bent to deep human experiences, & THIS IS HOW TO STAY ALIVE is the story for you!

[J Kuria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this. The writing was great; the casual Kiswahili and Sheng was *chef's kiss*. The time travel/jumping element was well done and it was just an interesting exploration of one family's grief at the loss of their only son, storytelling, queerness and history.

CW: suicide

[rae ✿ · Rating 4 out of 5]

The story follows Nyokabi, who is shattered by the suicide of her beloved brother, Baraka. Just when her grief feels overwhelming, she is inexplicably transported back in time, to when Baraka was still alive.

Through Baraka’s story, Kagunda reveals the suffocating weight of societal pressures and the silent battle of mental health struggles—issues that resonated deeply with me. The stigma surrounding mental illness, especially in cultures where vulnerability is seen as weakness, kept Baraka from seeking help or expressing his pain.

Nyokabi's journey through grief is as complex as it is poignant. As the eldest daughter, she shoulders the heavy responsibility of holding her family together after Baraka’s death. Torn between her personal need to mourn and the external pressure to remain strong for her parents, her internal conflict mirrors the emotional tug-of-war many of us face when we lose a loved one. As the eldest daughter myself, I can relate so much to Nyokabi's sense of responsibility and the weight of trying to be strong for everyone around you, even when you feel like you're falling apart inside.

The novel blends emotional depth with elements of magical realism, weaving a tale of grief, family, and the complexities of time. The lyrical prose beautifully captures the essence of sorrow, nostalgia, and hope. Kagunda subtly intertwines past and present, showing how memory and loss shape who we become. The magic never overshadows the raw, human emotions of grief, regret, and the yearning to heal in a world forever altered. I cried so much while reading this book because it felt like the author was putting into words emotions I had long buried, capturing the pain and grief that sometimes feels impossible to put into perspective.

Haunting yet tender, & This Is How to Stay Alive invites us to reflect on the delicate balance between time, family, and personal healing. This masterpiece is a must-read. It is a powerful reminder of the complexity of our emotional lives and the strength it takes to survive life's deepest wounds.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

A story about grief, mourning, and how it affects all those involved. This novella was part of a sci-fi pack from different countries. I hardly ever find African stories so I was really looking forward to reading it and I found a heartfelt story of losing someone you love, and trying to figure out how to keep going, not forget them, and trying to answer the question ‘what could I have done differently?’ But I think the story is very good at reminding us that sometimes things are out of our control, that you can’t always save people, and that while you love them, that might not be enough. This is a hard book to digest, and probably not for everybody. I devoured it in one sitting. Powerful writing.

[mags · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars! i thought this was beautifully written and i really enjoyed the themes of grief, and generational trauma that were explored here. i really love the concept of this story, and for the most part, i enjoyed the execution of the concept as well; i just wish it was longer so we could really sink our teeth into everything.

[bunybladee · Rating 5 out of 5]

hat mich zerrissen

[Rob · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5. The first half was interesting, then it went off the rails.

[M. A. Blanchard · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first thing I must say about & This is How to Stay Alive is that Kagunda’s prose is absolutely stunning. Her deliberate, decolonial choice to write in the English spoken in her Kenyan communities and not the English defaulted to in North American publishing—the choice, that is, to write for a home audience before any other readers—results in syntax and sentence structures that glow with the poetry of love, empathy, art that carries the familiar into the transcendent. (As a reader who does not hail from or have any experience of the country or communities centred in Kagunda’s writing, I want to be careful to avoid imposing too much of my uninformed opinion on this work—and yet, for all the author’s admirably evident care to centre specific communities, there is also much here that feels universal, or else that she describes so tangibly as to offer at least some small, clear view to readers from outside.) Kagunda’s artistic skill is evident in every turn of phrase, and on the basis of language alone her novella is a joy to read.

Perhaps “joy” is an imperfect word to use in describing a novella that reckons with intergenerational trauma, the suicide of a queer youth, and the grief of those left behind, and yet this story is so beautiful I cannot think of a more appropriate word. Perhaps it is only that, for all it grapples with death and loss, this is a story about life, a story for the living. The love its characters feel for one another, and the love the author showers on both her characters and the communities for whom her story is most intended, are so pervasive in the text that it was impossible not to feel something of joy even while experiencing the grief that also pervades each part of the book. This is a novella that, much to its credit, resists any attempt to oversimplify and flatten its themes in trying to straightforwardly describe what it is about.

Another particularly striking feature of & This is How to Stay Alive is its inclusion of time as a point of view. The depth and complexity added to the storytelling by using time as a character is, at least in my personal experience as a reader, something truly unique.

The brevity of the novella format seems perfectly suited to this story. A short book is easily reread; & This is How to Stay Alive strikes me as the kind of story that continues to reveal itself over time and to share new facets of itself on each new reading. A perfect match between form and content is most certainly among Shingai Njeri Kagunda’s many accomplishments here, and I am looking forward to the next time I am ready to take this gorgeous little book down from the shelf.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This novella set in Nairobi Kenya is deceptively short but has hidden depth. I must admit I underestimated it, I thought it was a relatively straightforward story about a young lady Nyokabi who's lost her brother Baraka to suicide and is given a potion to go back in time to change the outcome. The author starts playing with language and words, fragmenting sections of the narrative.

Haraka haraka,
haina baraka

Time dreamer, time speaker, time carrier.

Lots of what another reviewer has helpfully identified as Kiswahili and Sheng dialogue. Some of the words like maitu I didn't have success translating.

We learn that in the family generations past mental illness was treated as madness. Woven into the historical tale is revolt against British colonialism led by real life Kenyan medicine woman extraordinaire Meketilili. Time becomes one of the narrators.

CW: Death, Grief, Mental illness, Suicide, Bullying, Homophobia

[Wilmarierj · Rating 5 out of 5]

This novella looked inside my soul and left me breathless. I feel carved open. The story explores how we navigate the inmensity of loss and grief, through time. It explores issues around family, intergenerational trauma, suicide, mental health, and queerness. I highly recommend ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Frances · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have not seen language spiral across the page like this in a very long time. Beautiful, emotional, fractal examination of grief and hope.

[Sana · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully poetic book that explores the heartbreaking, life shattering feeling of grief; the pain that comes from the burden of hiding who you are; cultural pressures; the stigma and misunderstanding of mental illnesses and suicide. The list could go on, Kagunda meaningfully fit so much into this short but incredibly impactful novella.

The storytelling was masterfully done, seamlessly bringing together different POVs and timelines to flesh out the story of loss as primarily told by Nyokabi. I love the author’s inclusion of Swahili interspersed through the colonial-enforced English (which she also makes comment on).

I was so engrossed in the story, I didn’t take the time to sit, highlight and fully absorb the poetry of Kagunda’s words as there were so many quotes that touched deeply. I am very much looking forward to reading it again and taking more time to pick out my favourite quotes because there are many!

What a great read to start off 2024.

[ollie (olliereadabook) · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had a promising premise. A girl dealing with the loss of her brother and the social taboos of mental health, queerness, and suicide in her home country of Kenya. However, the further I read, the more lost I became. I think if this book was longer and told from one or two point of views rather than what felt like 3, maybe 4, it could’ve been better.

I didn’t enjoy having to keep track of whose chapter it was, who was talking to who, etc. There also wasn’t much elaboration on the queerness of Baraka (although as a queer person, I could tell that his character is why this book is tagged with ‘queer’ and ‘LGBT’)

I also read through some reviews and agree with the reviewer Caro that the author couldn’t decide between writing poetry or prose and there was too much Swahili without translation for non-speakers to follow. I understand the book took place in another country, but I don’t want to have to google every 5 words what they’re saying.

[Celeste · Rating 3 out of 5]

this meditation on grief had some quietly powerful moments and some things that just sadly didn't work for me. i found it on a list of queer kenyan books for storygraph's read around the world challenge and got super excited to support a queer international author!!! i really loved the moments in the past where kabi and baraka were together, and the glimpses into their relationship that we saw. these, along with the ending, were the strongest points of the book to me. the half-abstract-ness of the time travel did not work well for me in particular — if it had been either a little more concrete or a little stranger and more mystical I think it would have been perfect but the in-between didn't really work. also idk if it was just the ebook but there were some places with glaringly missing commas that really distracted me. idk. but i would definitely recommend this to someone looking for a strange little novella about grief!

[Gabi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really beautiful and dynamic writing. More of an artistic, sit and reflect on your feelings read. There's a bit of a odd transition into almost an info dump like passage near the end, and the POV shifts mid-chapter got confusing at times. I'm also not entirely sure how I felt about the juxtaposition of the aimless, elevated artistry and ambiguity of the language with the very real and raw feelings of it. But I also don't think it could have been any other way because reading feels as confusing and slippery as time is in the story, which I'm confident is the whole point.