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1 pages, Audio CD
First published July 12, 2022
Josie, who'd be covered in blood on bathroom tiles in nine months' time, met me at the Greyhound station.
I turned and vomited into a rosebush.
I was having the time of my life.
We needed something to nurture, and they needed nurturing. Constant attention made you need it even more. The band never learned to be alone and neither did we. But if they were starved for attention and we were, too, didn't we make a perfect pair?
Life kept getting better. Broader. My world was expanding so quickly that I couldn't stop it, nor did I want to.
Everything I'd loved I'd lost, and every time I'd lost it, I said it was my own fault. A lot of the time it was. But not always. Self-pity is so simple. So is self-blame. Easier than having to understand the world doesn't revolve around you, that it doesn't always love you back.
People said she was self-obsessed and conniving, only interested in Cal and his kin for the fame. People said the same of any groupie. We all want things. Desire's not deviant. It's human nature.
The tears on my cheeks had dried, leaving my face tense and shiny. I had a look of slept-in insanity, with eyes that felt burst, but I didn't cry again.
Roaming the streets alone didn't scare her—it bored her. It bored all of us. Sure, socially I sometimes felt anxious enough to puke, but when I was out walking, I was never afraid. The world seemed bright and open-armed, not deadly. My mother had been wrong about everything.
We were at the very end of the golden era of fearless girls. Soon, women would learn distrust, pumped full of fear by serial-killer newsreels and common sense. But those things weren't in our reality yet. They existed but seemed impossible. Faraway. False. Sure, soon, every girl would look over her shoulder at every turn and lock her car as soon as she hopped into it—but not quite yet. We were still lawless and mindless. Gaggles of bright-eyed girls would prod at each other on the bus, sharing lipstick by kissing, leaving home with only a five-dollar bill and, if they were cautious, a house key. We'd kiss anyone and touch anyone and go anywhere with anyone, as long as the person smiled.
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