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Alive Until You're Dead
Poignant and humorous insights on fully embracing our lives as we age from Susan Moon, beloved Buddhist teacher and author.
Aging isn't easy. But it can still be filled with joy—maybe even more joy than we expect. Described by the New York Journal of Books as "a Buddhist Anne Lamott," Zen teacher and writer Susan Moon persuades us that as we notice we are impermanent, we get to come alive in new ways. Joining levity with tenderness, Moon shares stories from her own life on topics including knee replacements, Zoom chats with grandchildren, ongoing companionship with a close friend who is moving deeper into dementia, and a season as a Zen monk in the wilderness. Moon illustrates the strength that can come from within, sometimes unexpectedly, even as our bodies fail. Our radiant aliveness can be discovered and rediscovered any time up to the last moment.
Alive Until You're Dead offers a Zen approach to facing our impermanence. Moon's stories explore being present with what is, not turning away from what's difficult, wishing for and working for the wellbeing of others, and being willing not to know what's next. These field notes from an old human being invite us to feel more alive in the final stretch, whatever it holds.
Aging isn't easy. But it can still be filled with joy—maybe even more joy than we expect. Described by the New York Journal of Books as "a Buddhist Anne Lamott," Zen teacher and writer Susan Moon persuades us that as we notice we are impermanent, we get to come alive in new ways. Joining levity with tenderness, Moon shares stories from her own life on topics including knee replacements, Zoom chats with grandchildren, ongoing companionship with a close friend who is moving deeper into dementia, and a season as a Zen monk in the wilderness. Moon illustrates the strength that can come from within, sometimes unexpectedly, even as our bodies fail. Our radiant aliveness can be discovered and rediscovered any time up to the last moment.
Alive Until You're Dead offers a Zen approach to facing our impermanence. Moon's stories explore being present with what is, not turning away from what's difficult, wishing for and working for the wellbeing of others, and being willing not to know what's next. These field notes from an old human being invite us to feel more alive in the final stretch, whatever it holds.
224 pages, Paperback
Published April 26, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
June 3, 2022
Audiobook….read by Laurel Lefkow
…..7 hours and 7 minutes
Many thanks to Q….
….who inspired me to tag along ….join her in listening to this book.
Susan Ichi Su Moon is a writer and Buddhist teacher in the Soto Zen tradition. For many years she lead zen retreats in the Bay Area, around the country, and internationally.
NOTE….
…..nobody needs to be a Buddhist to get value from exploring aging, death, the present, the past, the future, our own lives.
This is a BEAUTIFUL book …..it touches our emotional hearts — and fulfills our cerebral minds > opening them both together.
These essays are intimate-enjoyable-and honest.
As I said when I read “Being Mortal”, by Atul Gawande….
“Anyone who plans on dying should read his book”…..well, this is another one of those unique books that illuminates being old, approaching and preparing ourselves for death - while - being fully alive.
Susan Moon shares both loses and gifts that come along with the final years…..
with…..wonderful stories, oozing with wisdom, insights, humor, compassion, challenges, personal experiences, research, sorrow & struggles, historically, socially, gender aspects, family, grand parenting, our relationships, collectively, support sisters, retreat tales, political advocacy, organization, slowly down, de-cluttering, being satisfied, as well as some great practical tip suggestions
In “Alive Until You’re Dead”, Susan explores death from many varied angles. “Aging isn’t easy. But it can be filled with joy—maybe even more than we expect”.
Susan’s is a list maker”… (like many of my 70+year old contemporaries). I hope ‘list-making’ is not a dying art. In my generation—it’s serves many of us well.
I found Susan’s list useful …. as in wanting to explore more.
On her list were things most of us understand: cleaning out, scaling down on our material possessions, passing things on, tossing out, and other tangible ‘to-do’s’ ….of things ‘to do’ daily, goals, etc….
Susan had a material practical list too - but she also had other less tangible things on her list as well > emotionally and mindfully underlining our being ‘alone’ and ‘together’ ….
The older we get, the more we witness death — people we love die. Susan Moon 🌙 ( such a pretty name), enlightens us with loving elegance…..
…..other wonders explored …
Being a loyal friend, silence, quiet, work, nature, retreat experiences, (Tassajara and other buddhist monasteries), Dharma, Susan’s Bay Area Buddhist friends, crying, grief, freedom, tranquility, time, spiritually, regret, kindness, loneliness, letting go of painful demons, shame, fears, walking, sitting, eating, traveling, remembering our ancestors, joyful efforts, gratitude, giving and receiving, ‘The Grandmother mind’, weeping with whining, poverty, our planet, healing, celebrations, cognitive decline, cultural values, our personal link to the past and to those who will come after us after we are no longer here.
Downsizing….downsizing…..downsizing….
….I had the greatest laugh when one of Susan’s friends —finally— tossed away her nineteen year old chocolate bunny that was ‘still’ in her refrigerator. The Sister-Supporters cheered their friend …. giving us ‘all’ a great laugh.
Old age is not a disease….We are alive until we’re dead.
A book to savor….share and talk about with other readers, ….
THE PERFECT BUDDY READ WITH A FRIEND….
Blessings and love to my reading buddy of this book, Q
Thank you, Q. 💕
…..7 hours and 7 minutes
Many thanks to Q….
….who inspired me to tag along ….join her in listening to this book.
Susan Ichi Su Moon is a writer and Buddhist teacher in the Soto Zen tradition. For many years she lead zen retreats in the Bay Area, around the country, and internationally.
NOTE….
…..nobody needs to be a Buddhist to get value from exploring aging, death, the present, the past, the future, our own lives.
This is a BEAUTIFUL book …..it touches our emotional hearts — and fulfills our cerebral minds > opening them both together.
These essays are intimate-enjoyable-and honest.
As I said when I read “Being Mortal”, by Atul Gawande….
“Anyone who plans on dying should read his book”…..well, this is another one of those unique books that illuminates being old, approaching and preparing ourselves for death - while - being fully alive.
Susan Moon shares both loses and gifts that come along with the final years…..
with…..wonderful stories, oozing with wisdom, insights, humor, compassion, challenges, personal experiences, research, sorrow & struggles, historically, socially, gender aspects, family, grand parenting, our relationships, collectively, support sisters, retreat tales, political advocacy, organization, slowly down, de-cluttering, being satisfied, as well as some great practical tip suggestions
In “Alive Until You’re Dead”, Susan explores death from many varied angles. “Aging isn’t easy. But it can be filled with joy—maybe even more than we expect”.
Susan’s is a list maker”… (like many of my 70+year old contemporaries). I hope ‘list-making’ is not a dying art. In my generation—it’s serves many of us well.
I found Susan’s list useful …. as in wanting to explore more.
On her list were things most of us understand: cleaning out, scaling down on our material possessions, passing things on, tossing out, and other tangible ‘to-do’s’ ….of things ‘to do’ daily, goals, etc….
Susan had a material practical list too - but she also had other less tangible things on her list as well > emotionally and mindfully underlining our being ‘alone’ and ‘together’ ….
The older we get, the more we witness death — people we love die. Susan Moon 🌙 ( such a pretty name), enlightens us with loving elegance…..
…..other wonders explored …
Being a loyal friend, silence, quiet, work, nature, retreat experiences, (Tassajara and other buddhist monasteries), Dharma, Susan’s Bay Area Buddhist friends, crying, grief, freedom, tranquility, time, spiritually, regret, kindness, loneliness, letting go of painful demons, shame, fears, walking, sitting, eating, traveling, remembering our ancestors, joyful efforts, gratitude, giving and receiving, ‘The Grandmother mind’, weeping with whining, poverty, our planet, healing, celebrations, cognitive decline, cultural values, our personal link to the past and to those who will come after us after we are no longer here.
Downsizing….downsizing…..downsizing….
….I had the greatest laugh when one of Susan’s friends —finally— tossed away her nineteen year old chocolate bunny that was ‘still’ in her refrigerator. The Sister-Supporters cheered their friend …. giving us ‘all’ a great laugh.
Old age is not a disease….We are alive until we’re dead.
A book to savor….share and talk about with other readers, ….
THE PERFECT BUDDY READ WITH A FRIEND….
Blessings and love to my reading buddy of this book, Q
Thank you, Q. 💕
February 8, 2025
How to BE the self - your true self - you always hoped you would be…
We can be Truly Alive Till We're Dead - alive and vibrantly alert to each passing moment - or else we can be, in the sense of Coleridge's Ancient Mariner, in a permanent state of Death-in-Life.
It's entirely up to us.
When I was 19, I was acutely sensitive to life, but I thought that by storing my Golden Moments within my episodic memory I was headed to a higher sorta Dream:
A peace which would pass all understanding.
But - guess what? - I lived in the golden past, and assumed it would prove a golden road that goes on forever. But there was no future in my dreams and memories. Or even much attention to my vivid present.
No, of course not, as the Memory Police were in short order to show me. Get with the program, kid! They zapped me and turned my psychological dial back to zero.
Nothing wrong with that, Susan Moon would say - we HAVE to have both feet planted firmly on solid earth to experience enlightenment. No chickening out back into dreamland!
Such, in essence, is her bit o' zen. I love it.
Now, as William James so clearly tells us in The Varieties of Religious Experience, the great religions of the world have a lot in common.
We believers all see life holistically.
Oh, I know, our bottom-feeding grifters never do. But their grifting will yawn into a hellish abyss too soon for them!I
Do I sound like a Christian hardliner?
I once signed up for that when I was thirty, and had a vivid feeling of being born again.
And Susan Moon's Enlightenment, as William James shows us, shares the same root feeling of proximity to the Numinous as my being a Born Again Christian.
And yet we soon fall back into the familiar bad habits soon after a vivid experience of Grace surprises us. We can't stay in that Cloud of Unknowing forever.
We prefer our Shadows.
In my case, I reverted to Roman Catholicism - the traditional form of the Anglo-Catholicism I believed in, formerly within the Protestant Faith. It has now been scrubbed-down and humanized by Pope Francis.
You see, the church knows the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. So it absorbs our failings as humans into its fabric.
Well, at least I had left Dreamland behind. Now the real work began: reducing my ego into dust.
***
How did Susan leave her Dreamland behind, and discover her Abundantly Spontaneous Life?
Easy: she simplified her life. And humanized it, like us Christians.
And how did she do that?
Meditation. A once-prominent Christian Via Crucis.
And her meditation, in turn, showed her that the Bells And Whistles we all want for our life are insubstantial: EMPTY.
I, too, by rigidly maintaining the Straight and Narrow Way of Faith saw the Trinkets of the Good Life disappear.
Mourning for them, though, I felt strangely relieved.
I now had PEACE.
***
Susan goes quite beyond all churchly institutions, and is happy. She believes in the wide-open Zen Buddhism of her ordinary daily life. Pure Compassionate Freedom.
Because she's found Her True Self.
Now in her eighties, she is a no-nonsense kind of old lady.
But she would never settle for less than a Full life, even now.
She's trashed her Golden Dreams of Abundance for a vibrant reality -
And she will always live life Fully ALIVE:
Until the day she finally checks out.
Now, THAT's a Life worth Living, isn't it?
We can be Truly Alive Till We're Dead - alive and vibrantly alert to each passing moment - or else we can be, in the sense of Coleridge's Ancient Mariner, in a permanent state of Death-in-Life.
It's entirely up to us.
When I was 19, I was acutely sensitive to life, but I thought that by storing my Golden Moments within my episodic memory I was headed to a higher sorta Dream:
A peace which would pass all understanding.
But - guess what? - I lived in the golden past, and assumed it would prove a golden road that goes on forever. But there was no future in my dreams and memories. Or even much attention to my vivid present.
No, of course not, as the Memory Police were in short order to show me. Get with the program, kid! They zapped me and turned my psychological dial back to zero.
Nothing wrong with that, Susan Moon would say - we HAVE to have both feet planted firmly on solid earth to experience enlightenment. No chickening out back into dreamland!
Such, in essence, is her bit o' zen. I love it.
Now, as William James so clearly tells us in The Varieties of Religious Experience, the great religions of the world have a lot in common.
We believers all see life holistically.
Oh, I know, our bottom-feeding grifters never do. But their grifting will yawn into a hellish abyss too soon for them!I
Do I sound like a Christian hardliner?
I once signed up for that when I was thirty, and had a vivid feeling of being born again.
And Susan Moon's Enlightenment, as William James shows us, shares the same root feeling of proximity to the Numinous as my being a Born Again Christian.
And yet we soon fall back into the familiar bad habits soon after a vivid experience of Grace surprises us. We can't stay in that Cloud of Unknowing forever.
We prefer our Shadows.
In my case, I reverted to Roman Catholicism - the traditional form of the Anglo-Catholicism I believed in, formerly within the Protestant Faith. It has now been scrubbed-down and humanized by Pope Francis.
You see, the church knows the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. So it absorbs our failings as humans into its fabric.
Well, at least I had left Dreamland behind. Now the real work began: reducing my ego into dust.
***
How did Susan leave her Dreamland behind, and discover her Abundantly Spontaneous Life?
Easy: she simplified her life. And humanized it, like us Christians.
And how did she do that?
Meditation. A once-prominent Christian Via Crucis.
And her meditation, in turn, showed her that the Bells And Whistles we all want for our life are insubstantial: EMPTY.
I, too, by rigidly maintaining the Straight and Narrow Way of Faith saw the Trinkets of the Good Life disappear.
Mourning for them, though, I felt strangely relieved.
I now had PEACE.
***
Susan goes quite beyond all churchly institutions, and is happy. She believes in the wide-open Zen Buddhism of her ordinary daily life. Pure Compassionate Freedom.
Because she's found Her True Self.
Now in her eighties, she is a no-nonsense kind of old lady.
But she would never settle for less than a Full life, even now.
She's trashed her Golden Dreams of Abundance for a vibrant reality -
And she will always live life Fully ALIVE:
Until the day she finally checks out.
Now, THAT's a Life worth Living, isn't it?
April 17, 2024
Beautiful book about life, death, and how to navigate them peacefully. "Life is uncertain, death is not." Susan Moon gives examples from her own life and others, asking the question, "What does it mean to be a human being approaching death." This book is a gentle nudge to "Wake up" and to not waste your time and opportunities. Soothing and timely, I highly recommend for anyone human who is contemplating time, or loves someone who is facing death. Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC.
March 22, 2024
Read this on the plane, cried the entire way home.
An odd occurrence for me, but sometimes…
“It’s as if you are living in a room that you think is the whole world. You don’t even know that there are walls around you until suddenly a window opens, the blinds are drawn aside, and you see a vast mountain range beyond. When the blinds are closed again and you can no longer see out, you don’t return to your former limited view, because now you know that the mountains are there. You know that you live among them.”
A contemplation on death. On living. On grasping, and letting go. We don’t know everything. But we do know one thing - we all know how to die. One day.
“The more I explore death, the more my life shines. The brightness of it. Alive!”
May the meditation of death follow me wherever I go, in whatever I do, that I may truly live.
An odd occurrence for me, but sometimes…
“It’s as if you are living in a room that you think is the whole world. You don’t even know that there are walls around you until suddenly a window opens, the blinds are drawn aside, and you see a vast mountain range beyond. When the blinds are closed again and you can no longer see out, you don’t return to your former limited view, because now you know that the mountains are there. You know that you live among them.”
A contemplation on death. On living. On grasping, and letting go. We don’t know everything. But we do know one thing - we all know how to die. One day.
“The more I explore death, the more my life shines. The brightness of it. Alive!”
May the meditation of death follow me wherever I go, in whatever I do, that I may truly live.
November 3, 2022
I’m only in my 40s, but I’ve dealt with aging parents for many years and the death of my father. I feel my own body changing and have despaired at the inevitability of my decline to old age. It’s not close, but it’s not as far away as I might wish. I didn’t know how to deal with the fear of aging. This book really helped me understand that acceptance is the only way forward. Being alive in this moment because I’m not dead yet is the path to happiness. This author was so charming in her open honesty about her life. I loved this book and will re-read parts in the future, I’m sure!
July 1, 2025
1/Joyful Effort: Where does the joy in joyful effort come from? When I let go of restraint and give myself away to the activity of helping somebody else, it feels good. If you’re alive, then joyful effort is possible. You can be fully alive as long as you are alive. Author has double knee replacements and recovers within 6 months to hike Camino de Santiago in Spain. Enthusiastic energy comes forth when you are discovering the joy of your life.
2/Watcher at the Gate: Author’s friend, Friedel, had a mini stroke. Doctor encourages surgery on carotid artery or else she would have a major stroke. Ironically, side effect of surgery was also a stroke. She said she didn’t want to survive a severe stroke. I don’t want to survive if I don’t’ have language, or if I don’t have the use of my limbs, if my quality of life is severely impaired. And if you’re in doubt, let me go. She had a stroke and then recovered and then had another and died. Her body was in the same spot, but everything was different. A body of absence lay on the bed. The death of someone close to you is like an alarm bell: Wake up! This is it! Do what you care about! Love what matters! Author: I’m alive, and it’s my job to be alive while I am alive, whether I’m okay or not.
3/Getting Over Myself at the Monastery: Author spends 3 months in monastery at the age of 76. She had gotten to know the 3 great challenges: cold, sleep deprivation, and unremitting zazen (seating meditation). The author was assigned to cleaning duty. Author: I just got here and I need time to learn. The kitchen Manager: me too. We learned kindness from each other. 2 guys just did the mopping every day. We were alone together. Her friend says, ‘oh get over yourself, Sue’ when she felt guilty for not volunteering to wash dishes.
4/Make your Body a Sundial: All things in the entire world are linked with one another as moments. We Zen people frequently chant the names of our ancestors, turning our attention to people who are nowhere in sight at the moment, who lived hundreds and hundreds of years ago. I saw that Dogen (an ancestor) was trying to help me, and he didn’t care whether I bowed to him or not. Stand under the sun and make your body a sundial. Watch your shadow swing around you. You are nothing but time.
5/Knowing How to Be Satisfied: I vow not to take what is not given, but to be satisfied with what I have. What is given to us is the chance to become human beings together. Even the challenges and the difficulties are given to us. We didn’t ask for these challenges, but they are given and what is given is a gift. Enough mind = I already have everything I need. I began to understand that measuring my happiness against the happiness of others is senseless. Old age is a time for downsizing ambitions and dreams along with material things. Longing is its own satisfaction. My longing leads me through one gate after another, to become my full self. We will have to let go of everything when we die. I have everything I need at this moment.
6/We will be Ancestors: Ancestors are my lifeblood. We are all made of the ancestors who came before us, those who bore us and those who bore the ones who bore us. Story of woman who loses granddaughter. The old man thought that if
7/Friendship Abides: Satsujo was enlightened she wouldn’t cry over her granddaughter’s death. That’s like saying that if you are enlightened, you won’t be a human being anymore. She’s upset with him for caring more about reputation than love. You can understand all of Buddhism, but you cannot go beyond your abilities and your intelligence unless you have ‘grandmother mind,’ the mind of compassion. If a young male monk can develop grandmother mind, then a person of any age, gender, and social status can develop it.
8/Could I Be the Teacher They Expected? Author goes to Parma, Italy to teach at a monastery. She walks to Pagazzano (Population 8) and is let into a church by a 90-year-old woman. When you are at home, things are familiar, it is hard to remember how miraculous everything is. When you go to a new place, everything freshens up. I too was freshened up as their teacher. While she is teaching at the monastery, she asks them to discuss an old woman who nurtured them and their own miraculous powers. After class they walk to Pagazzano and she sees the old woman again (realizing she is the old woman on the side of the road – Buddhist story figure).
9/Going and Coming: Author’s first old Zen teacher is dying. She decides to sit with him in silence since that is what he taught her. Time passes strangely, neither fast nor slow.
10/If I Can still love: Some things get easier as you do them but not getting old because the longer you do it, the older you get. Each morning, you wake up into an unused day, neither wilted not dents. An old person’s life can still be a fresh life. Stop and think about what you enjoy and what you do well. Don’t turn away from what’s difficult. People are interested when she speaks straightforwardly. Good things about getting old: Observe (this is how it is right now), Adapt (do it differently from the way you used to, her mom used an electric scooter, author gets all ingredients out for a recipe), let go (author gives up driving at night), accept (this is how it is right now, accept new normal, this is my life and accept it). Dharma brother: It came naturally for him to himself aside and not think about what he needed all the time. This was a great relief, after decades of planning his life path, developing his career, his skills, his family life. He could play with is 3 year-old grandson. Love: even if you cannot do anything else, you can love.
11/Will I ever wake up? Author has not had a Great Awakening during zazen. It is said that everyone is already enlightened, whether we realize it or not. You are all perfect, exactly as you are, and you could use a little improvement. Practice and awakening are one continuous activity. There is no such thing as being in a permanent state of enlightenment. It’s not a place you get to. Author has had moments of realizing that she is interconnected to all beings. Enlightenment comes frequently, in little glimpses that you hardly notice before they quickly fade away. I don’t need to wait for a peak experience; I only need to be present in the wide valley of my life. These little slippages into vastness are often connected to light (sun backlighting tulips, light of sun reflecting from water onto jacket).
12/Grandma’s Diary Sutra: Author transcribes Grandma’s journal in hopes that she would show her that it is alright to die. Her Grandma breaks her hip and then get pneumonia. Grandma has a near death experience while in surgery. She came back to tell her granddaughter not to be afraid of death. Her grandma saved sleeping to end her life when necessary. Grandma pretends to pack to go back home, but we were all pretty sure the journey she was about to make did not require packing. They knew she was going to do it, but their family was too polite to say anything. Your life doesn’t belong to you alone. Your life belongs to everyone who loves you. Zen friend: I’m not afraid to die. I won’t take pills, but I won’t accept any extreme treatment either. I’ll let nature take me. Grandma was able to take her leave without fear because she had relished her life.
13/Some of My favorite Practices for Contemplating Death: I am curious about my own absence as it approaches me. Is it the same absence that preceded my birth, a goneness that envelops me on the other end? When we die, maybe we just pick up where we eft off when we were born. Five remembrances: I am of the nature to grow old, I am of the nature to have ill health, I am of the nature to die, All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of he nature to change (separated from them), my actions are my only true belongings. The more I accept my impermanence, the more here and the more now I can be. And when I understand that I will lose everything, I see that I have nothing left to lose, so everything around me is a bonus. It’s all borrowed from the great library of the universe and will have to be returned on the due date. It is our clinging to youth, health, and life that causes suffering. I recommend the practice of reading the paid death notices in the local newspaper (odd details, funny, simple pleasures, generosity) You can contemplate your death by writing a poem about it. Book: Japanese Death Poems.
14/The sorting sisters: Five ladies meet once a month via Zoom (describe their project, show each other the project). Each one sorts for a couple of hours and then they meet on Zoom again to discuss. I engage in this sorting behavior to make it easier for those who will have to take care of my stuff when I am gone. Book recommendation: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. Reasons: Basic courtesy to those who will have to pick up after us, creation of less cluttered environment, organizing what you have can improve the quality of your life. Story of her sister (Nora) moving and their belongings are delayed. What had seemed like a huge inconvenience became a happy adventure and by the time the moving van arrived, Nora was dreading the having of things – the tangle of unpacking, arranging, repairing, rearranging. Author’s mom left a manilla envelope for each of her kids. Author gives Christmas decorations to her kids and this allowed her to let go of the sadness about long ago Christmases (children with their dad instead of her). Friend cleans fridge: finds chocolate bunny from 19 years ago. Her niece has all of her files digitally. Over months of sorting, we have each made significant progress. WE take pride, as a group, in each person’s accomplishments. The less cluttered my house, the more I enjoy my life right now while I’m living in it.
15/Sentient Beings are Numberless; I Vow to Save Them: Paying attention to what young people (Black and Brown) are doing for social justice. What can old people do? Attend demonstrations but say in the shade at the back of the plaza and leave early. It is good to keep showing up. Put together literature. I have faith that I won’t be making tis journey alone.
16/The Great Matter: Dunstan (catholic priest at Sky Farm) dug his own grave in celebration of the Easter holiday. I prayed, not asking for anything n particular, feeling alive in the great law of the universe, as if my ribs were torn open like branches in order for my heart to spread out. Author was invited to move to Sky Farm. The decision to move there was made wholeheartedly, willing not to know, ready to take the leap into a new life. It felt wonderful to ‘shoot the hoop’ as a friend calls it, without waffling, ready for whatever would unfold. The house burns down, and she is not able to go. I looked down at my small self and know that I would be all right, that the next thing would happen, whatever it was. In that moment, I was free, both grief-stricken and joyful but not afraid. God is with me only as long as I keep on looking, and the moment I stop, I’ve lost God again. Whoever would enter God’s ground, His inmost part, must first enter his own ground, his inmost part, for none can know God who does not first know himself (Eckhart).
17/Tears: Author has drought of tears she relates to aging and the Zoloft she takes. She went on and off of Zoloft 3x and now takes ½ a pill. She berated herself for taking it, but she is crying again, not a lot, but a little. If she was stronger and braver then she would be able to face life’s difficulties all by herself. She has been unable to cry for friends when they die. She feels a ‘flattening effect.’ There are tears at the heart of things (Seams Heaney). When you see tears on another person’s cheeks, you feel compassion, whether you want to or not, and you instinctively want to help them. Women cry more than men and cry longer. Men cry more as they age. I like to think that gender differences are modulated in old age. Though my heart is broken, hearts are made to be broken that is why God sends sorrow into the world (Oscar Wilde).
18/Meeting the Final Deadline: I am not dead yet! I’m alive! I don’t want to die right now, but it wouldn’t be a tragedy if I did. The young fear death, the old fear dying. Death is like when a bus stops before you – you get on and go. I want to be like her. I want to accept my death before I die. I feel as though I’ve spent the first ¾ of my life getting ready to live and ow, instead of actually living, I’m spending the last quarter getting ready to die. What a waste! I will die in the middle of something no matter what: a day, a breath, a visit with a friend, an essay. Something will not be finished. I vow to be grateful for this precious human birth. I vow to be present. This is it.
2/Watcher at the Gate: Author’s friend, Friedel, had a mini stroke. Doctor encourages surgery on carotid artery or else she would have a major stroke. Ironically, side effect of surgery was also a stroke. She said she didn’t want to survive a severe stroke. I don’t want to survive if I don’t’ have language, or if I don’t have the use of my limbs, if my quality of life is severely impaired. And if you’re in doubt, let me go. She had a stroke and then recovered and then had another and died. Her body was in the same spot, but everything was different. A body of absence lay on the bed. The death of someone close to you is like an alarm bell: Wake up! This is it! Do what you care about! Love what matters! Author: I’m alive, and it’s my job to be alive while I am alive, whether I’m okay or not.
3/Getting Over Myself at the Monastery: Author spends 3 months in monastery at the age of 76. She had gotten to know the 3 great challenges: cold, sleep deprivation, and unremitting zazen (seating meditation). The author was assigned to cleaning duty. Author: I just got here and I need time to learn. The kitchen Manager: me too. We learned kindness from each other. 2 guys just did the mopping every day. We were alone together. Her friend says, ‘oh get over yourself, Sue’ when she felt guilty for not volunteering to wash dishes.
4/Make your Body a Sundial: All things in the entire world are linked with one another as moments. We Zen people frequently chant the names of our ancestors, turning our attention to people who are nowhere in sight at the moment, who lived hundreds and hundreds of years ago. I saw that Dogen (an ancestor) was trying to help me, and he didn’t care whether I bowed to him or not. Stand under the sun and make your body a sundial. Watch your shadow swing around you. You are nothing but time.
5/Knowing How to Be Satisfied: I vow not to take what is not given, but to be satisfied with what I have. What is given to us is the chance to become human beings together. Even the challenges and the difficulties are given to us. We didn’t ask for these challenges, but they are given and what is given is a gift. Enough mind = I already have everything I need. I began to understand that measuring my happiness against the happiness of others is senseless. Old age is a time for downsizing ambitions and dreams along with material things. Longing is its own satisfaction. My longing leads me through one gate after another, to become my full self. We will have to let go of everything when we die. I have everything I need at this moment.
6/We will be Ancestors: Ancestors are my lifeblood. We are all made of the ancestors who came before us, those who bore us and those who bore the ones who bore us. Story of woman who loses granddaughter. The old man thought that if
7/Friendship Abides: Satsujo was enlightened she wouldn’t cry over her granddaughter’s death. That’s like saying that if you are enlightened, you won’t be a human being anymore. She’s upset with him for caring more about reputation than love. You can understand all of Buddhism, but you cannot go beyond your abilities and your intelligence unless you have ‘grandmother mind,’ the mind of compassion. If a young male monk can develop grandmother mind, then a person of any age, gender, and social status can develop it.
8/Could I Be the Teacher They Expected? Author goes to Parma, Italy to teach at a monastery. She walks to Pagazzano (Population 8) and is let into a church by a 90-year-old woman. When you are at home, things are familiar, it is hard to remember how miraculous everything is. When you go to a new place, everything freshens up. I too was freshened up as their teacher. While she is teaching at the monastery, she asks them to discuss an old woman who nurtured them and their own miraculous powers. After class they walk to Pagazzano and she sees the old woman again (realizing she is the old woman on the side of the road – Buddhist story figure).
9/Going and Coming: Author’s first old Zen teacher is dying. She decides to sit with him in silence since that is what he taught her. Time passes strangely, neither fast nor slow.
10/If I Can still love: Some things get easier as you do them but not getting old because the longer you do it, the older you get. Each morning, you wake up into an unused day, neither wilted not dents. An old person’s life can still be a fresh life. Stop and think about what you enjoy and what you do well. Don’t turn away from what’s difficult. People are interested when she speaks straightforwardly. Good things about getting old: Observe (this is how it is right now), Adapt (do it differently from the way you used to, her mom used an electric scooter, author gets all ingredients out for a recipe), let go (author gives up driving at night), accept (this is how it is right now, accept new normal, this is my life and accept it). Dharma brother: It came naturally for him to himself aside and not think about what he needed all the time. This was a great relief, after decades of planning his life path, developing his career, his skills, his family life. He could play with is 3 year-old grandson. Love: even if you cannot do anything else, you can love.
11/Will I ever wake up? Author has not had a Great Awakening during zazen. It is said that everyone is already enlightened, whether we realize it or not. You are all perfect, exactly as you are, and you could use a little improvement. Practice and awakening are one continuous activity. There is no such thing as being in a permanent state of enlightenment. It’s not a place you get to. Author has had moments of realizing that she is interconnected to all beings. Enlightenment comes frequently, in little glimpses that you hardly notice before they quickly fade away. I don’t need to wait for a peak experience; I only need to be present in the wide valley of my life. These little slippages into vastness are often connected to light (sun backlighting tulips, light of sun reflecting from water onto jacket).
12/Grandma’s Diary Sutra: Author transcribes Grandma’s journal in hopes that she would show her that it is alright to die. Her Grandma breaks her hip and then get pneumonia. Grandma has a near death experience while in surgery. She came back to tell her granddaughter not to be afraid of death. Her grandma saved sleeping to end her life when necessary. Grandma pretends to pack to go back home, but we were all pretty sure the journey she was about to make did not require packing. They knew she was going to do it, but their family was too polite to say anything. Your life doesn’t belong to you alone. Your life belongs to everyone who loves you. Zen friend: I’m not afraid to die. I won’t take pills, but I won’t accept any extreme treatment either. I’ll let nature take me. Grandma was able to take her leave without fear because she had relished her life.
13/Some of My favorite Practices for Contemplating Death: I am curious about my own absence as it approaches me. Is it the same absence that preceded my birth, a goneness that envelops me on the other end? When we die, maybe we just pick up where we eft off when we were born. Five remembrances: I am of the nature to grow old, I am of the nature to have ill health, I am of the nature to die, All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of he nature to change (separated from them), my actions are my only true belongings. The more I accept my impermanence, the more here and the more now I can be. And when I understand that I will lose everything, I see that I have nothing left to lose, so everything around me is a bonus. It’s all borrowed from the great library of the universe and will have to be returned on the due date. It is our clinging to youth, health, and life that causes suffering. I recommend the practice of reading the paid death notices in the local newspaper (odd details, funny, simple pleasures, generosity) You can contemplate your death by writing a poem about it. Book: Japanese Death Poems.
14/The sorting sisters: Five ladies meet once a month via Zoom (describe their project, show each other the project). Each one sorts for a couple of hours and then they meet on Zoom again to discuss. I engage in this sorting behavior to make it easier for those who will have to take care of my stuff when I am gone. Book recommendation: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. Reasons: Basic courtesy to those who will have to pick up after us, creation of less cluttered environment, organizing what you have can improve the quality of your life. Story of her sister (Nora) moving and their belongings are delayed. What had seemed like a huge inconvenience became a happy adventure and by the time the moving van arrived, Nora was dreading the having of things – the tangle of unpacking, arranging, repairing, rearranging. Author’s mom left a manilla envelope for each of her kids. Author gives Christmas decorations to her kids and this allowed her to let go of the sadness about long ago Christmases (children with their dad instead of her). Friend cleans fridge: finds chocolate bunny from 19 years ago. Her niece has all of her files digitally. Over months of sorting, we have each made significant progress. WE take pride, as a group, in each person’s accomplishments. The less cluttered my house, the more I enjoy my life right now while I’m living in it.
15/Sentient Beings are Numberless; I Vow to Save Them: Paying attention to what young people (Black and Brown) are doing for social justice. What can old people do? Attend demonstrations but say in the shade at the back of the plaza and leave early. It is good to keep showing up. Put together literature. I have faith that I won’t be making tis journey alone.
16/The Great Matter: Dunstan (catholic priest at Sky Farm) dug his own grave in celebration of the Easter holiday. I prayed, not asking for anything n particular, feeling alive in the great law of the universe, as if my ribs were torn open like branches in order for my heart to spread out. Author was invited to move to Sky Farm. The decision to move there was made wholeheartedly, willing not to know, ready to take the leap into a new life. It felt wonderful to ‘shoot the hoop’ as a friend calls it, without waffling, ready for whatever would unfold. The house burns down, and she is not able to go. I looked down at my small self and know that I would be all right, that the next thing would happen, whatever it was. In that moment, I was free, both grief-stricken and joyful but not afraid. God is with me only as long as I keep on looking, and the moment I stop, I’ve lost God again. Whoever would enter God’s ground, His inmost part, must first enter his own ground, his inmost part, for none can know God who does not first know himself (Eckhart).
17/Tears: Author has drought of tears she relates to aging and the Zoloft she takes. She went on and off of Zoloft 3x and now takes ½ a pill. She berated herself for taking it, but she is crying again, not a lot, but a little. If she was stronger and braver then she would be able to face life’s difficulties all by herself. She has been unable to cry for friends when they die. She feels a ‘flattening effect.’ There are tears at the heart of things (Seams Heaney). When you see tears on another person’s cheeks, you feel compassion, whether you want to or not, and you instinctively want to help them. Women cry more than men and cry longer. Men cry more as they age. I like to think that gender differences are modulated in old age. Though my heart is broken, hearts are made to be broken that is why God sends sorrow into the world (Oscar Wilde).
18/Meeting the Final Deadline: I am not dead yet! I’m alive! I don’t want to die right now, but it wouldn’t be a tragedy if I did. The young fear death, the old fear dying. Death is like when a bus stops before you – you get on and go. I want to be like her. I want to accept my death before I die. I feel as though I’ve spent the first ¾ of my life getting ready to live and ow, instead of actually living, I’m spending the last quarter getting ready to die. What a waste! I will die in the middle of something no matter what: a day, a breath, a visit with a friend, an essay. Something will not be finished. I vow to be grateful for this precious human birth. I vow to be present. This is it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 12, 2024
This is an impactful book. I am a 74 year old woman, realizing I have more years behind me than before me. The thing about growing older is, I haven't done this before and neither have my friends who are in the same age category. I am making discoveries daily about what no one tells you about in a way you can grasp (at least in a way I could grasp) before you actually experience it, whatever that "it" is.
Susan Moon is highly relatable, even though I am not a practicing Buddhist, much less a Zen Buddhist. Nonetheless, she honestly recounts her experiences as she ages and how she faces them. This is not a "how to" book, but more like talking with a friend. I will re-read this so I can soak up enough of her wisdom to remember it. She talks about her aging brain, too, a topic of considerable concern for me.
I don't know if a younger person would get as much out of this as an older one. But the bottom line, be alive until you're not, is something all of us could learn a little earlier in life.
Susan Moon is highly relatable, even though I am not a practicing Buddhist, much less a Zen Buddhist. Nonetheless, she honestly recounts her experiences as she ages and how she faces them. This is not a "how to" book, but more like talking with a friend. I will re-read this so I can soak up enough of her wisdom to remember it. She talks about her aging brain, too, a topic of considerable concern for me.
I don't know if a younger person would get as much out of this as an older one. But the bottom line, be alive until you're not, is something all of us could learn a little earlier in life.
February 17, 2024
Definitely a Buddhist approach to the final chapters of life, quoting Buddhist teachers and practices. Yet, helpful ideas for non-Buddhists too. I read the introduction and four essays this time (I may get it out from the library again in a couple of years).
The first chapter is on virya, joy, and how to find joy in the everyday as we age. “Knowing how to be satisfied” is both easier as we age, I think, and more vital as we move into the times of aging, pain, and some limitations. The author’s favorite practices for contemplating death include Buddhism’s 5 remembrances, which begin with the inevitability of aging, illness, and death; walking in cemeteries, celebrating the Day of the Dead, reading obituaries of ordinary people, and writing poems about one’s own death. The final chapter/essay is about meeting the final deadline, accepting the inevitability of our death, so we are free to live.
The first chapter is on virya, joy, and how to find joy in the everyday as we age. “Knowing how to be satisfied” is both easier as we age, I think, and more vital as we move into the times of aging, pain, and some limitations. The author’s favorite practices for contemplating death include Buddhism’s 5 remembrances, which begin with the inevitability of aging, illness, and death; walking in cemeteries, celebrating the Day of the Dead, reading obituaries of ordinary people, and writing poems about one’s own death. The final chapter/essay is about meeting the final deadline, accepting the inevitability of our death, so we are free to live.
December 21, 2024
I really enjoyed her writing. It feels fresh and insightful. The title of the book is misleading-it is a book about her decades long experience with buddhism and its influence on her life. In some ways, it reads like a memoir. Towards the end. I considered not finishing it when she starts on with her bias about white privilege. My guess is she would never insult an entire minority race with such a broad generalization. There were a couple of other points I disagreed with, but overall it’s a great-albeit not easy-read.
November 30, 2022
I really connected with some of this book. The author has a style that is prescriptive and yet non-judgmental. Very Buddhist in orientation which is not my faith and yet I found reassuring wisdom in much of the writer's thoughts. The chapter called The Sorting Sisters was my favorite as it outlined a group of friends who witness each other and provide encouragement in dealing with all that we collect as we grow older.
February 21, 2023
Some good tidbits and new ways to look at life. Liked the idea of the sorting sisters: getting on a video call with a few friends and designating that time to sort through and let go of stuff accumulated over years and years. Having a support system and accountability buddies on the regular seems like a wonderful idea. I did skim/skip through some parts, like the chapter talking about a friend's slow decline, since I was looking for a more uplifting view.
November 30, 2025
I had a little difficulty connecting with Susan Moon's early stories. However, because I have been giving death and dying a lot of thought myself recently, I felt very appreciative and "partnered" by the last 1/4-1/3 of the book on "Favorite Practices for Contemplating Death". And although Moon is coming from a Buddhist tradition of contemplating our impermanence, I think that she speaks in a way, and of considerations that could fit with many spiritual and simply practical situations.
May 9, 2023
These essays reflecting on the long life of the author were a pleasure to read. I especially enjoyed witnessing her spiritual journey as a Buddhist and the way she examined her progress. I hope to grow old as centered and happy as Susan Moon.
June 13, 2022
Great collection on essays contemplating aging and death. Loved the author’s keen insights and grateful to find some leads on what to read next when it comes to mindfulness and meditation.
June 14, 2022
Bery nice
June 21, 2022
Very good thinking about the approach to death
June 29, 2022
I am keeping this one out, to return to again and again.
August 13, 2022
Nice collection of thoughts on zen, life and death, and aging.
April 1, 2023
A collection of essays Susan is heavily Zen.
February 12, 2024
Lots of wisdom and humor.
April 18, 2024
Good read; a reminder of things you should plan, recycle, enjoy instead of putting things off to another day.
May 26, 2024
Really wonderful read. The author’s compassion and wisdom make this such an insightful and thought provoking book.
April 18, 2025
Great wisdom given with a respect and love of living. I like to read books that are uplifting before bed, and this book, as well as her other book, The Is Getting Old, surely apply.
January 13, 2023
Crazy sexy cool death contemplation.
May 24, 2022
Interesting look at what it means to and to die. I read a lot about grief, but now Moon’s book makes me think about death even before it happens. Not as a “what if” but as a “ so now what “.
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