2.5 stars
This book is marketed as stepbrothers falling in love and they have an incest kink. Plus one of the main character is Muslim. I don’t think I can explain to you how fast I clicked on this book. This is everything I have ever wanted in a book. Sadly the execution just wasn't what I wanted it to be.
Brief summary
Zayn's dad maried Asher's mom and Asher comes to stay with them for the high school year (both of the main characters are 17 years old). Zayn starts to be very attracted to Asher and he doesn't want to do anything about it because being gay is not accepted in his religion (he’s Muslim). They end up falling in love.
First. I have said it again and I will say it again, sexual exploration is probably my favourite thing to read about in a book. So I really enjoyed the sexual exploration in this book. I really loved seeing Zayn realize how attracted to Asher he is, that was such a lovely part. I really loved seeing Zayn explore his sexuality and how he marveled at how good everything felt.
Second, I really liked how the religion part was done in this book. My favourite books about religion are the ones where we get to see the toll religion has on the main character. I loved how Zayn was attracted by Asher but tried not to be, I really enjoy when main characters are attracted to someone but they try not to be because it isn't accepted in their religion, I loved seeing his inner struggles between the attraction and the religion and it was done in a very nice way in this book. I really liked how he tried not to be into Asher but he just couldn't stop it, that was one of my favourite part of the book. I loved how Zayn’s faith coloured all of his actions, that was so lovely to read about.
Third, the sex scenes in this book were lovely and I really enjoyed them. I mostly enjoyed the clash between the sexual exploration and how Zayn knew it was forbidden in his religion but he still enjoyed the sex and marveled at it, that made the sex scenes so lovely to read and I was a big fan of them.
I do have a complaint about the sex scenes in this book. There was no condoms mentioned, ever. And they talked about coming in each other so they knew they weren’t using condoms, they didn’t just forget. And they didn’t have a conversation about them not having an STDs and droping the condoms, or anything, they just never used any. Asher was a self proclaimed man whore so that definitely bothered me, going bareback without even knowing if you or your partner has any STDs is not a very safe sexual practice.
Fourth, also I have a weakness where I just love books where the main characters call each other brother during sex, and that happened a lot in this book, so I adored that part. And yes I added an entire half star to my rating because they played off incest scenes in bed, i’m a woman of simple taste and that ticked all of my boxes.
So why didn't I like this book when it seemed made for me and I liked so many things about it?
First, if this book was marketed as a dark romance, it would have been one of the easiest 5 stars I have ever given to a book. But it’s not a dark romance, the blurb mentions how it’s a feel-good love story, meaning that this book is marketed as a good example of a relationship that readers are meant to be striving for. It’s all a question of framing, give me a dark romance and I will love a pushy main character who pretty much forces the other main character into doing things, but give me a contemporary romance and I will very much dislike a pushy hero who pretty much forces the other main character into doing things. Which is exactly what Asher was. Zayn made it clear that he didn't want to get with him because that went against his religion but Asher pushed and pushed until Zayn said yes. Asher's point of view clearly showed him as only rattling Zayn because he wanted sex, he never seemed to care about Zayn's thoughts and feelings. Also, Zayn admits to Asher that he doesn't like when Asher pursues him but Asher still continues to do it until Zayn gives in, disrespecting Zayn's wishes. The book was selling that situation as romantic to me, when it really isn't. As someone who has been into a relationship where I told myself that a lot of things that were red flags were romantic, I didn't enjoy that at all. And i'm sure I would have liked the book better if I didn't have that experience, but I do and we all enjoy books differently depending of our life experiences and my experiences made me see their relationship as a bunch of red flags instead of a romantic relationship that I would love to have, which is how the book is marketed, so it missed that mark for me.
Here is a quote that Asher says after Zayn tells him to stop pursuing him: […] then I thought of Zayn, the way he reacted to me no matter what those lips of his said and I smiled to myself deviously. It might just work. Maybe he won’t decide to be gay for me out of nowhere, but he will definitely respond strongly. He wasn’t as cool and put together as he liked to pretend and that was what I needed to play on. None of this sounds very romantic to me but maybe thats just me. I just prefer my main characters in contemportary books to not push the main character until they have no choice but to say yes.
Second, Asher was always disrespecting Zayn's boundaries and Zayn's religious practices, how am I meant to think that Asher is the love of Zayn's life when he won't respect what Zayn belives in? Asher knew how important his religion is to Zayn but he was always mad at Zayn because Zayn wanted to respect a religious practice, which really annoyed me after a while. I just wanted Asher to respect Zayn and his faith more.
Third, the first time that they have sex is Zayn giving Asher a blow job when Asher is asleep. Even if Asher was pursuing Zayn, that doesn't mean he consents to them having sex (they were not in a relationship, hadn't kissed and hadn't established any boundaries) and he was asleep so he couldn't consent. Once again it's a question of how this was shown and I would have loved that scene if it wasn't shown as romantic to me, because giving someone a blow job without their consent is just not romantic to me.
Fourth, this book associated being sweet and romantic in bed with being a girl and being dirty in bed with being a man and this is written in 2021 so I feel like we should be over these stereotypes by now.
Fifth, Asher is an hacker in an organization that seemed as profesional as the FBI, which was hard for me to believe because he is 17 years old and everyone else in the organization was the same age. It just seemed way too profesional for their age.
I really wanted to love this one, it has all the basics of a book I could have loved but sadly it just didn’t work for me. I really hope it works better for everyone else reading this one because this one only didn’t work for me because of my own experiences.
I received an ARC of this book, and this is my honest review.