We Can Say No

by Lydia Bowers, Isabel Muñoz (Illustrator)

A story that helps teach young children that it’s okay to say no.

Feeling empowered to say no is a key foundation of consent. We Can Say No builds children’s social and emotional skills and helps teach them that it’s okay to say no.
 
The fifth book in the We Say What’s Okay series, We Can Say No follows Zakiya and Sami as they learn that their bodies, including their hair, belong to them and that no one should touch them without permission. Using the book as a read-aloud, educators and families can model the language Zakiya and Sami’s teacher uses to support them. The author, who hosts workshops and trainings on teaching boundaries and consent for families and early childhood educators around the country, offers additional activities in the back of the book.
 
Digital content includes a song from Peaceful Schools with downloadable audio files and sheet music.

We Say What's Okay Series
Centered around a class of preschoolers, this series helps teach young children the social and emotional skills they need to understand the complexities of consent. Each book covers a consent theme, such as how to recognize the physical sensations that emotions create, look for body language cues, ask for and listen to choices, and know that our bodies have value. With believable, everyday situations and diverse characters, children can see themselves and others reflected in each story—and develop a vocabulary to communicate consent and feelings. Every book in the series is accompanied by its own song from Peaceful Schools with downloadable audio files and sheet music.

 

Genres: Picture Books, Childrens, Parenting

36 pages, Hardcover

Published October 4, 2022

About the author

Lydia Bowers is a speaker, consultant, and trainer who happily exists in the Venn diagram overlap between early childhood and sex education. After spending almost two decades of working directly with children as a classroom teacher and a parent, she is passionate about reframing sexuality conversations. Lydia now teaches families and educators how to talk to children about subjects like gender, reproduction, and abuse. When she’s not traveling around the country for conferences and speaking engagements, she lives in Cincinnati with her husband and two children and adds to her growing collection of children’s book character tattoos as often as she can. Follow her on TikTok @consenteducator and Instagram @lydiambowers.

Reviews

[Aolund · Rating 4 out of 5]

While this series definitely has an instructional vibe, the story and information are good. This is a strong and effective book about consent and how it is always okay to say no when people touch any part of our bodies when we don't want them to.

Themes: Consent
Age range: Preschool-Kindergarten

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just days ago I got to visit with one of the dear kiddos in my life. He requested I read him books and I happily obliged. One of the books his parents had gotten for him from the library was We Can Say No by Lydia Bowers (Author) and Isabel Muñoz (Illustrator).

In We Can Say No, two classmates named Zakiya and Sami talk about how they both don't like when the school's librarian, Ms. Cindy, touches their hair. Zakiya wants to tell Ms. Cindy to not touch her hair, but Sami feels nervous about telling an adult no. One of their teachers, Mr. B, overhears their conversation and talks to them about how they are allowed to say no to someone touching any part of their bodies (including their heads and hair) to anyone (and they don't even need to be polite about it). Feeling supported by Mr. B, Zakiya and Sami find their voices and tell Ms. Cindy to not touch their hair. Ms. Cindy respects their boundaries and apologizes for having touched their hair in the past.

Overall, We Can Say No is a great introduction for young kids about how to assert what feels okay and what doesn't with their bodies. It assures any young reader that they are allowed to tell anyone (even an adult that they may like) no and that no is (in itself) a complete sentence. While the story focuses on the touching of hair, other kinds of touch (including sitting in Santa's lap or being pressured into giving hugs) are also discussed.

Along with Bowers's words, Muñoz's illustrations are sweet, clear, and effective. The kids and adults are all rendered in a pleasant and easy-going way, but their depictions do also clearly show the emotions of the characters. This combination is effective in allowing children to relate to the characters and understand them.

I highly recommend We Can Say No by Lydia Bowers (Author) and Isabel Muñoz (Illustrator).

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this was one of the better ones in the series. Consent starts with the small things- No, I don't want you to touch my hair. We teach kids to be polite, to respect adults, etc; so I like that this book says, 'yeah, but... it's your body and people need to respect your 'no.' I like that they have an adult say, explicitly: 'Other people should respect your body even if you don't say 'please.' The stuff at the back of the book is normally kind of same-y, but this one has a really helpful reminder about how we shouldn't "let an adult's discomfort overrule a child's bodily autonomy." Important stuff- I'm glad it's out there.

[Joanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

very gentle book for helping to say no

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yay a consent. Boo too didactic.

[skcocnaH · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really applicable and concise book about autonomy, and good touch/bad touch. Lovely illustrations as well 😊.

[Jenae · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love the concrete examples of how setting a boundary may look as a child. Also lots of helpful info in the back for grown ups.

[Bree Ann Swaner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great body boundary book!