The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health

by Jennifer Fraser

Why do we say we have zero tolerance for bullying, but adult society is rife with it and it is an epidemic among children?

Because the injuries that all forms of bullying and abuse do to brains are invisible. We ignore them, fail to heal them, and they become cyclical and systemic.

Bullying and abuse are at the source of much misery in our lives. Because we are not taught about our brains, let alone how much they are impacted by bullying and abuse, we do not have a way to avoid this misery, heal our scars, or restore our health. In The Bullied Brain readers learn about the evidence doctors, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists and neuroscientists have gathered, that shows the harm done by bullying and abuse to your brain, and how you can be empowered to protect yourself and all others. Not only is it critically important to discover how much your mental health is contingent on what has sculpted and shaped the world inside your head, it is also the first step in learning ways to recover.

While your brain is vulnerable to bullying and abuse, it is at the same time remarkably adept at repairing all kinds of traumas and injuries. The first part of The Bullied Brain outlines what the research shows bullying and abuse do to your brain. The second part of the book, "The Stronger Brain" provides case studies of adults and children who have undergone focused training to heal their neurological scars and restore their health. These accessible and practical lessons can be integrated into your life. Strengthening your brain acts as an effective antidote to the bullying and abuse that are rampant in society.

Foreword by Dr. Michael Merzenich, "the father of neuroplasticity," and he also contributes his knowledge, insights, and research in The Bullied Brain to help show you how to empower your brain to fulfill its power and potential.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Health

264 pages, Hardcover

Published April 15, 2022

About the author

When people are gaslighting - "the act or practice of grossly misleading someone especially for one's own personal advantage" - you need to identify it and draw on your brain power to stay safe and sane.

In 2022, gaslighting was looked up at Merriam-Webster dictionary 1740% more frequently than before. Why? It's a deadly form of psychological abuse that fuels our era's "war on truth."

New book "The Gaslit Brain: Protect Your Brain from the Lies of Bullying, Gaslighting, and Institutional Complicity" is designed to keep you safe in personal relationships and in the workplace.

It uses brain science to train you step by step how to resist manipulation, how to reject gaslighters' attempts to make you believe you can't trust your memory or perceptions or emotions and that you're losing your mind. It applies to intimate partner violence, to the workplace, all the way into politics.

Reviews

[Alexander · Rating 4 out of 5]

“My brain isn’t broken. It’s beautiful. I’m in a city I’ve never been to and I see bright lights and new ideas and fear and opportunity and a thousand million roads all lit up and flashing. I say/There are so many places to explore but you’ve forgotten that they exist because every day you walk the same way with your hands in your pockets and your eyes on the floor,” Dr. Jennifer Fraser quotes from Brainstorm by Company Three at the beginning of her book - The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health. Then she writes, “(Oscar-winner Damian Chazelle) describes writing Whiplash ‘in a fever.’ It wasn’t about the joy of making music; it was about the 'terror and the pain.’ While a teenager, playing the drums was such a passion for Chazelle, he’d practice any moment he had for hours at a time, but ultimately his passion became entwined with the abuse he was suffering. He recalls scenes of humiliation as opposed to music. ‘There were so many specific things from high school jazz band that I remembered: the conductor searching out people who were out of tune, or stopping and starting me for hours in front of the band as they watched.’ Neuroscientific research documents that for adolescents this kind of ‘searching out’ by a humiliating teacher and being ‘watched’ by peers is extremely stressful on their developing brains.”

It’s through these kind of potent, detailed examples and scenarios that Fraser is able to drive her points home concerning the book’s central, topical theme. She takes one to task about their own interpreting of internalized experiences and behaviorisms (don’t blame one’s self, essentially) to highlighting the importance of external factors shaping said experiences and behaviorisms, including the deconstruction of the old pulling one’s self up by one’s bootstraps. In many ways, she pokes a hole through the idea that one’s experience of pain and trauma is subjective. There are certain established norms, mores, and traditions that Fraser makes a pretty compelling case must change for the sake of a better, more just everyday life, and can help one avoid the steps needed to heal from extensive traumas resulting from said norms, mores, and traditions affecting them adversely. “In the late 1990s, American physicians Vincent Felitti and Robert Anda launched an extensive research project to see if there was a relationship or correlation between abusive situations in childhood and midlife chronic diseases like cancer,” she states as an example of this. “…Felitti and Anda were startled to learn that childhood adversity and abuse are vastly more common than recognized or acknowledged. While the bullying paradigm constantly tries to suggest there is little to no bullying, or that abuse is exaggerated and designed to harm the reputation of perpetrators, in fact, abuse is rampant and leads to a shortened life span for the majority of victims.”

She continues: “Psychologist Alison Gopnik writes that ‘our job as parents is to provide a protected space of love, safety, and stability in which children of many unpredictable kinds can flourish.’ The ACE study revealed that for far too many children, love, safety, and stability were usurped by aggression, danger, and instability. Trauma to the brain can even occur in utero.”

[Jennifer Fraser · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just got a five star review on The Magic Pen! Check it out.

https://themagicpen.com/dr-jennifer-f...

[Madeleine Black · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm interviewing Jennifer for my podcast show "Unbroken: Healing Through Storytelling" and always like to read my guests book before the show.

Jennifer was asked to interview 8 students who were being physically and verbally abused by teachers, one of them was her son

The board and admin then set out to ruin her because it transpires out they had been informed a year earlier by a lawyer/parent about the abuse and they hadn’t done anything or put in protective measures

Jennifer decided to dive into the research about the damage that bullying can do to our brains but how we can also heal our brains with the right support

“What fires together wires together, what the brain does a lot of, the brain gets good at it”

[T Love · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unequivocally the BEST book on healing from bullying 

How many of us have not been bullied by someone at some point? I dare say few. Even bullies are bullied. Bullying is a type of violence that can affect a person’s life. This book: The Bullied Brain is for both the bully and the bullied. It’s for parents, teachers, leaders, and everyone else. The sequence of the book is important and when followed (don’t jump around, there is no shortcut), will allow the reader to recognize, acknowledge, and learn how to heal the scars and restore health, just as is so accurately stated in the subtitle. The Bullied Brain is what this world needs now. The author interweaves personal experiences with scientific research in such a way that makes this book a quick, informative, and enjoyable read. What this book is NOT, is an academic and boring tome. Rather, The Bullied Brain provides easy to understand essential principles along with simple practices that absolutely do work. Buy. Read. Practice. Note the life changing results. They are. Highly recommended. 

[Sabrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this to better understand what happened to my child, who suffered a serious mental health crisis after being bullied. What it instead helped me understand is why her bully became a bully. This book focuses on the impact on children’s brains when they are “bullied” or abused by trusted adults. Bullying and abuse cause lesions in different areas of the brain that appear (on MRIs) nearly identical to the lesions caused by removing brain tumors.

The neuroscientific aspects of this book were fascinating, but it was weighed down a bit by repetition and too many personal stories from the author’s own life. The solutions recommended are absolutely valid and helpful, but are also very similar to what is common in much therapeutic practice, especially DBT. So nothing revolutionary, in my opinion. Nevertheless, there is a lot of good information here for anyone who is a parent or who works with kids.

[Elizabeth Howe · Rating 5 out of 5]

The world does need to change about what bullying is and who is doing it and how it is handled. The adult to child bullying is a big deal, it happened to me (and from my peers as well). I feel much better about things after reading this I am trying to be more mindful and kind to myself. I know I can achieve things and I am not small stupid little and useless.

[Jess Nichols · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone needs to read this book

[Dants · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have dropped this book 10 pages in (afte the long introduction).

I was searching for a book to teach me about bullying, so I can deal with my past being bullied myself. To understand the behaviour of the bully and bullied. How to deal with the past and the traumas. How to deal with the bully if he/she is still around.

What I got is absolute garbage. The author of this book is a good reason to further mistrust social sciences, even though I understand the need and importance. It is clear that this author who got her PhD doesn't know how to do research in a neutral way.

From the fucking long introduction and until the 10th page, the feeling of anxiety because of her son who got bullied just continues and doesn't end. I understand the son was bullied and that can be a good reason to start an investigation. But phrases like "My heart started to beat faster as I read through the article." on page 3 and "My throat constricted. I took some deep breaths to calm down." on page 8. What kind of a researcher is this?

And this author implicitly gives an answer for the dumb question that she is constantly asking of why aren't we doing anything about this phenomenon. Like, dear author, your heart is pounding while reading this or that, or your distress because your son's brain may be damaged, the reason why you're reading this or that because of the bias you have knowing your son's life and condition. Politicians have thousands of problems to worry about and you can't understand why they don't just deal with this issue that is distressing you, obviously, because you have a relative who is related to the issue.

I don't know if people at the University of Toronto do their research in this way all the time, but man, this is not how to do a research and such a shame for a topic I was extremely interested to read about.

[Deirdre Clancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

The writer of this book argues that there are mixed messages in our culture about bullying and abuse, to the extent that both have become normalized. Of course, in many ways this is true, and has always been a problem in human societies. There is nothing particularly new about it, though it takes different forms, depending on the cultural and historical context. She provides many reasons why it is concerning, including the fact that learning and memory are badly affected by the rise in cortisol caused by long-term bullying.

There are many arguments of merit in this book, based on research which was largely prompted by the author's own experiences and those of her son. She rails against education officials who cover up abuse by teachers, making it easy for them to get jobs elsewhere. By way of pointing out how common this phenomenon is, she includes a moving chapter on a young woman she knew, Ellen, a brilliant student, whose sexual abuse at the hands of a school principal ultimately resulted in her suicide.

Fraser writes of prisons being full of 'bullied brains', and advocates for re-framing the problems criminals have as being medical rather than moral. Although I agree with her about prisons most likely containing a certain proportion of people who have been dealt a cruel hand in life, there are some issues with this as a blanket policy. Sometimes, people don't wish to be rehabilitated. If all problems related to perpetrators of crime were purely medicalized, this reduces humans to machines, and doesn't allow for the presence of moral agency and free will. While there is room for compassionate efforts at rehabilitation, the medicalization of criminality as a universal policy is problematic in the extreme and would likely lead society right back to the social Darwinism that resulted the eugenics movement.

There are some decent suggestions in the book for rewiring the brain after experiencing bullying or abuse in life. That said, there is a lot that's missing in that equation also, including the role of a spiritual life (she talks about mindfulness and its proven benefits, if that counts). A prayer or meditation life beyond this is not really mentioned. Having said that, the book is quite positive about the chances of those who have been victimized healing through brain training, and may provide hope to many.

I don't agree with the author that unhealthy behaviour should always be medicalized, and never referred to in moral terms, and particularly if such behaviour harms others. Some behaviour is definitively and always morally wrong. This is a fairly central area of disagreement and is probably related to differing worldviews.

On a slightly different note, it seems to me that the book could also have been more tightly edited. The word 'paradigm' and the phrase 'bullying paradigm' is used hundreds of times, to the point where it starts to grate. Similarly, there seems to be some confusing use of psychological terminology on the part of the writer that is inconsistent with other materials I've read by fairly established authors in the field.

[CSM · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting read, but I wish that the author/publishing team had focused more on scientific/psych credibility than pop culture credibility in the first chapter.

I was surprised that the editors didn’t catch at least one infamously discredited stat (the Canadian mass grave hoax). To give them the benefit of the doubt, “TBB” may have been published before the exposé hit the press. Moreover, the absence of mass graves doesn’t negate the immense cruelty and injustice inflicted on native children in Canadian schools- there was still truth behind the author’s point. That being said, it was the editor’s job to vet the evidence. These editors found a headline and were like, “good enough.”

Also, does genocide fit under the bullying umbrella? I’m sure that at times, it may feel like bullies would go that far if presented with the opportunity, but conflating bullying with genocide without any attempt at a justification undermines her argument, which largely concerns interrelational aggression in the context of civil society (rather than in the context of a society that has broken down). Some may argue that her theory conflates distinctive root causes, and if so, she ought to explain why it doesn’t.

I also cringed a bit when the author quoted Brené Brown. I get that she’s the psychologist-adjacent It Guru of the moment. But citing a TedX celeb is not how you convince readers that you’re work is legit.

Her conclusion- that we should base policy decisions on (sometimes) half-baked neuroscientific research- makes it seem like she is unaware of the body of literature devoted to the harm that this impulse has done to the American education system. If anything, the U.S. is among the most responsive countries in the world to the self-help ethos, and not always to our benefit.

That being said, her recitation of neuroscience research after the intro- especially beginning halfway through the book- was phenomenal.

[Alexa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jennifer Fraser’s research, experience and excellent writing ability easily imparts knowledge and insight to the reader. Highly recommend.

[Rudi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Best wel bizar eigenlijk het effect van taal , hoe woorden kunnen kwetsen of helen …., en eigenlijk zijn dat waarschijnlijk niet meer dan lucht trillingen, of het effect van muziek , de ogen en zien zijn bizar , neus en geuren zijn bizar , maar oren en luisteren zijn toch ook behoorlijk bizar ,
Hoewel pesten waarschijnlijk veel vormen en gradaties kent het is een ruim woord , het lijkt meestal voor te komen bij in/uitgroep ( het anders zijn) , het opstellen van een hiërarchie, het aan en afleren , er mag wel wat onderzoek naar gebeuren het lijkt me dat het wel echt heel schadelijke gevolgen kan hebben , het is waarschijnlijk ook geen noodzakelijk kwaad en de vraag waar humor begint en eindigt is ook niet gemakkelijk vast te stellen , noch een duidelijke grens van waar misbruik begint en eindigt,
Die schrijfster ( die zelf ook gevolgen van pesten heeft ondervonden) beschrijft wat er voor hulp (zou kunnen) helpen bij slachtoffers en wat er gebeurt in de hersenen bij pesten en bij herstel , waarom ze schrijven niet heeft genoemd als hulp bij het verwerken van pest ervaringen, weet ik niet , …..het kan mss ook een hulp zijn , het is ook een vorm van taal … mss om een beetje vriendjes te worden met dat stemmetje in je hoofd
4 sterren ( er stond soms wat herhaling in moest het 50 blz korter geweest zijn was het 5 sterren voor deze lezer )
Een boek over een ( jammer genoeg) belangrijk thema die het samenleven, samenwerken met sapiens behoorlijk moeilijk , ingewikkeld, en niet altijd leuk (kan) maken

[Paul Jr. · Rating 5 out of 5]

The depth of the information paralleled to exceptional writing of Dr. Fraser was a read that delivered well beyond the curiosity of the title to cement the significance and timeliness of this read. The riveting display of contextual applications of what many have related in life either through being bullied in school, work, home, or other areas is one to not be overlooked in this read. Driven by empathy at my core this is a calling read for others to pick up and learn the dangers of what is being done to the brain through bullying. Our youth who see this as no big deal are sorely mistaken and parents of those who deem this as a normal function of childhood certainly should be mandated along with implementing the actions to change once they see what is being done to the brain. Fraser’s passion is woven throughout this read and it rips at the core of your humanness to understand that if you are perpetrator in this or an enabler for the damage being done that is criminal. There aren’t enough words to write in a review to plead to others to pick up this read and understand the role that one is able to play in improving the actions to limit this. This was an exceptional read and a 5-star review. It is a bookshelf copy for me. I am recommending this book especially to those who are parents, as well as those in leadership roles, to understand their actions are truly weighted. Empathy matters and the Bullied Brain was one of my favorite books this year to read.

[Marianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

a good book overall with some very useful things to say about trauma and its effects on the brain. it does an effective job of describing the shape of so many societal problems, but stops just a bit short of providing actual answers to them, beyond mindfulness and the necessity of a belief in agency. neither of which are bad in and of themselves, but as a result of the focus on them the book falls into the same problem a lot of similar books and podcasts and other products do, which is that it ends up feeling like an individualist solution to a systemic problem. i'm not entirely sure that's a fair criticism, beyond it being what i thought of while reading, as i don't believe it ever promised to be anything else, but a review is just meant to be my own thoughts anyways, right?

[T.H. Rivers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating book that is easy to read, easy to absorb and so true in so many ways for so many of us.

It's both erudite and gripping. And she has coined the word 'bullycide' in the English lexicon. As she says, a new word for our time. When victims cannot bear to live with the bully in their head echoed by the bully in their home. It has also now entered into British law where a person who bullies a partner to death can be held accountable for her suicide in court and punished for it.

A book that very much needed to be written and with a message that should never be forgotten. We may have a bullied brain - but we can change it.

[Kathy Belicki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This excellent, well-researched book has a three-prong approach to the overlooked yet oh-so-serious issue of bullying: 1. The author documents the adverse effects of bullying on the brain of children and adolescents; 2. Makes an impassioned and informed plea for reform to eliminate bullying, and 3. Provides helpful advice based on the science of neuroplasticity for how to recover from bullying. Throughout, she draws on—and bravely shares—her own and her children’s experience of being bullied. Moreover, she is an award-educator and it shows. She has an amazing ability to make difficult neurological concepts understandable. I highly recommend this book.

[Korin: A Crone Running Amok · Rating 5 out of 5]

Non-fiction. Discusses how bullying is so prevalent is our world that we believe it is the only way. Parents, teachers, coaches, employers are focused on the idea that people need to be broken down in order for them to learn. It is so much a part of life that most people develope an inner bully to keep them in their property place. Dr Fraser them goes on to cover how to create an effective antidote to all of it & to learn to shut up The inner bully.

[Sharon Summerfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book. The Bullied Brain is an important read. Jen Fraser calls out the entrenched belief systems and adds a new perspective where learning and grow can happen. We need to speak up and call out the incivility and bullying happening in families, on the playgrounds and in the workplace. This is important for each of our learning and growth.

[Michiel Mennen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Confronting and eye opening. A recommended read for anyone having experienced abuse or bullying, having been active abusers and bullies and anyone involved with kids. The first few chapters are a bit repetitive and could have used some more editing and clearer writing.

[Goomb · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had to know this earlier

every chapter make me cry.

Whole strories sound to me about my family.

Still it's hard, i dont know how to deal with my family. Though I get it what happend my early thirty years.

[Lilian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dit boek maakte mij nieuwsgierig, omdat het gaat over de effecten van pesten op het brein, maar ook de mogelijkheden van het brein om zich weer te herstellen. Het onderwerp ‘neuroplasticiteit’ (het vermogen van het brein om zich aan te passen en te vernieuwen) vind ik ontzettend interessant.

Het boek heeft zeker niet teleurgesteld en eigenlijk ben ik van mening dat dit boek een toegevoegde waarde is voor iedereen, maar zeker voor zorgverleners. De auteur, Jennifer Fraser, beschrijft heel duidelijk wat de effecten zijn van pesten, mishandeling en misbruik op de hersenen. Door haar kennis, de (persoonlijke) voorbeelden en de informatie van neurowetenschapper Michael Merzenich, is het overduidelijk dat er veel meer aandacht mag worden besteed aan het helen van de hersenen. Het is een veel groter en serieuzer probleem dan we ons realiseren. Tegelijkertijd wordt er ook heel duidelijk aangegeven dat door middel van onder andere de ‘brain training’ die is ontwikkelt door Michael Merzenich, de hersenen kunnen helen. Het is heel hoopvol voor mensen die gepest, mishandelt of misbruikt zijn.

Omdat dit onderwerp me dusdanig interesseert kon ik het boek ook bijna niet wegleggen. Uit alles blijkt de passie van Fraser voor dit onderwerp en haar inzet om een verandering teweeg te brengen. Ik kan me daar zeker in vinden. Hoewel er zeker tips en stappen worden beschreven die je kunt volgen om de hersenen te helen, had dit van mij nog iets concreter gemogen. Dit doet overigens niets af aan het boek, wat mij betreft.

Nogmaals, ik vind het echt een hoopgevend boek en een absolute aanrader.

[Charlotte · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ik had vanwege de titel veel verwacht, maar dat viel erg tegen.