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Big Girl
Malaya Clondon hates when her mother drags her to Weight Watchers meetings in the church’s stuffy basement community center. A quietly inquisitive eight-year-old struggling to suppress her insatiable longing, she would much rather paint alone in her bedroom, or sneak out with her father for a sampling of Harlem’s forbidden street foods.
For Malaya, the pressures of going to a predominantly white Upper East Side prep school are compounded by the high expectations passed down over generations from her sharp-tongued grandmother and her mother, Nyela, a painfully proper professor struggling to earn tenure at a prestigious university. But their relentless prescriptions—fad diets of cottage-cheese and sugar-free Jell-O, high-cardio African dance classes, endless doctors’ appointments—don’t work on Malaya.
As Malaya comes of age in a rapidly gentrifying 1990s Harlem, she strains to understand “ladyness” and fit neatly within the suffocating confines of a so-called “femininity” that holds no room for her body. She finds solace in the lyrical riffs of Biggie Smalls and Aaliyah, and in the support of her sensitive father, Percy; still, tensions at home mount as rapidly as Malaya’s weight. Nothing seems to help—until a family tragedy forces her to finally face the source of her hunger on her own terms.
For Malaya, the pressures of going to a predominantly white Upper East Side prep school are compounded by the high expectations passed down over generations from her sharp-tongued grandmother and her mother, Nyela, a painfully proper professor struggling to earn tenure at a prestigious university. But their relentless prescriptions—fad diets of cottage-cheese and sugar-free Jell-O, high-cardio African dance classes, endless doctors’ appointments—don’t work on Malaya.
As Malaya comes of age in a rapidly gentrifying 1990s Harlem, she strains to understand “ladyness” and fit neatly within the suffocating confines of a so-called “femininity” that holds no room for her body. She finds solace in the lyrical riffs of Biggie Smalls and Aaliyah, and in the support of her sensitive father, Percy; still, tensions at home mount as rapidly as Malaya’s weight. Nothing seems to help—until a family tragedy forces her to finally face the source of her hunger on her own terms.
272 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 12, 2022
180 people are currently reading
13396 people want to read
About the author
Mecca Jamilah Sullivan
10 books164 followersMecca Jamilah Sullivan is the author of the novel Big Girl, a New York Times Editors’ Choice selection and a best books pick from Time, Essence, Vulture, Ms., Goodreads, Library Reads, and SheReads.com. Her previous books are The Poetics of Difference: Queer Feminist Forms in the African Diaspora (University of Illinois Press, 2021), the short story collection, Blue Talk and Love (2015), winner of the Judith Markowitz Award for Fiction from Lambda Literary. Mecca holds a Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Pennsylvania, an M.A. in English and Creative Writing from Temple University, and a B.A. in Afro-American Studies from Smith College. In her fiction, she explores the intellectual, emotional, and bodily lives of young Black women through voice, music, and hip-hop inflected magical realist techniques. Her short stories have appeared in Best New Writing, Kenyon Review, American Fiction: Best New Stories by Emerging Writers, Prairie Schooner, Callaloo, Crab Orchard Review, Robert Olen Butler Fiction Prize Stories, BLOOM: Queer Fiction, Art, Poetry and More, TriQuarterly, Feminist Studies, All About Skin: Short Stories by Award-Winning Women Writers of Color, DC Metro Weekly, Baobab: South African Journal of New Writing, and many others. A Pushcart Prize nominee, she is the winner of the Charles Johnson Fiction Award, the Glenna Luschei Fiction Award, the James Baldwin Memorial Playwriting Award, the 2021 Pride Index National Arts and Culture award, and honors from the National Endowment for the Arts, the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference, The Yaddo Colony, the Hedgebrook Writers’ Retreat, Lambda Literary, the Publishing Triangle, and the Center for Fiction in New York City, where she received an inaugural Emerging Writers Fellowship.
A proud native of Harlem, NY, Sullivan’s scholarly work explores the connections between sexuality, identity, and creative practice in contemporary African Diaspora literatures and cultures. Her scholarly and critical writing has appeared in New York Magazine’s The Cut, American Literary History, Feminist Studies, Black Futures, Teaching Black, American Quarterly, College Literature, Oxford African American Resource Center, Palimpsest: Journal of Women, Gender and the Black International, Jacket2, Public Books, GLQ: Lesbian and Gay Studies Quarterly, Sinister Wisdom, The Scholar and Feminist, Women’s Studies, College Literature, The Rumpus, BET.com, Ebony.com, TheRoot.com, Ms. Magazine online, The Feminist Wire, and others. Her research and scholarship have earned support from the Mellon-Mays Foundation, the Social Sciences Research Council, Williams College, Rutgers University, Duke University, the American Academy of University Women, and the Institute for Citizens and Scholars (formerly the Woodrow Wilson Foundation).
Her debut novel, Big Girl (W.W. Norton & Co./ Liveright 2022) was selected as the July 2022 Phenomenal Book Club pick, a WNYC Radio 2022 Debut pick, and a New York Public Library “Book of the Day.” Of the novel, author Kiese Laymon says, “There are three books on earth that I would give anything to be able to write and reread until the suns burns us up. Big Girl is one of those books,” while author and activist Janet Mock observes: “Big Girl gifts us a heroine carrying the weight of worn-out ideas who dares to defy the compulsion to shrink, and in turn teaches us to pursue our fullest, most desirous selves without shame.”
Mecca is Associate Professor of English at Georgetown University, where she teaches courses in African American poetry and poetics, Black queer and feminist literatures, and creative writing. She lives in Washington, DC.
A proud native of Harlem, NY, Sullivan’s scholarly work explores the connections between sexuality, identity, and creative practice in contemporary African Diaspora literatures and cultures. Her scholarly and critical writing has appeared in New York Magazine’s The Cut, American Literary History, Feminist Studies, Black Futures, Teaching Black, American Quarterly, College Literature, Oxford African American Resource Center, Palimpsest: Journal of Women, Gender and the Black International, Jacket2, Public Books, GLQ: Lesbian and Gay Studies Quarterly, Sinister Wisdom, The Scholar and Feminist, Women’s Studies, College Literature, The Rumpus, BET.com, Ebony.com, TheRoot.com, Ms. Magazine online, The Feminist Wire, and others. Her research and scholarship have earned support from the Mellon-Mays Foundation, the Social Sciences Research Council, Williams College, Rutgers University, Duke University, the American Academy of University Women, and the Institute for Citizens and Scholars (formerly the Woodrow Wilson Foundation).
Her debut novel, Big Girl (W.W. Norton & Co./ Liveright 2022) was selected as the July 2022 Phenomenal Book Club pick, a WNYC Radio 2022 Debut pick, and a New York Public Library “Book of the Day.” Of the novel, author Kiese Laymon says, “There are three books on earth that I would give anything to be able to write and reread until the suns burns us up. Big Girl is one of those books,” while author and activist Janet Mock observes: “Big Girl gifts us a heroine carrying the weight of worn-out ideas who dares to defy the compulsion to shrink, and in turn teaches us to pursue our fullest, most desirous selves without shame.”
Mecca is Associate Professor of English at Georgetown University, where she teaches courses in African American poetry and poetics, Black queer and feminist literatures, and creative writing. She lives in Washington, DC.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 434 reviews
June 10, 2022
In Big Girl by Mecca Jamilah Sullivan, our main character is Malaya, an overweight girl living in 1990s Harlem. We follow Malaya’s struggles with her relationship with food, her parents, grandmother, and peers.
This is a character driven story and is filled with vivid descriptions. All the characters are so well-developed that they seem real. The imagery of Malaya’s New York neighborhood jumps off the page. Additionally, the food descriptions and hip-hop song references make this book a full sensory experience.
Big Girl is a fantastic debut novel, and I’ll be looking forward to anything Sullivan publishes in the future. Check it out if you enjoy bildungsroman or 1990s vibes.
This is a character driven story and is filled with vivid descriptions. All the characters are so well-developed that they seem real. The imagery of Malaya’s New York neighborhood jumps off the page. Additionally, the food descriptions and hip-hop song references make this book a full sensory experience.
Big Girl is a fantastic debut novel, and I’ll be looking forward to anything Sullivan publishes in the future. Check it out if you enjoy bildungsroman or 1990s vibes.
June 26, 2022
Boy, I really struggled with this one. The blurb said it was compassionate and I did not find it to be that way at all. I'd really caution fat people who want to read this book to tread carefully. The narration of the book really emphasized things like the oiliness or greasiness of what Malaya was eating in ways that seemed meant to create a sense of disgust. The way her body described and the words use to talk about how she moved also seemed meant to elicit disgust. I haven't seen anyone saying similar in any other reviews so maybe I'm too sensitive??? I don't know.
The blurb also promised Malaya had an unforgettable voice. It seemed such an odd choice to me that she almost never actually speaks. I definitely rooted for her, but I didn't feel like she had much of a voice at all, I think because my aforementioned problems with the narration separated me from Malaya's sense of self. I honestly struggle to understand why she speaks so little.
People who have experienced cruelty as children regarding fatness will certainly read the greatest hits in this book, so as far as verisimilitude, it has it. Malaya's grandmother said things to her that my own grandmother said to me, word for word.
As far as Malaya's arc, there's just a lot of terrible things for a long time. I kept waiting for things to feel like they were going to pick up for her. They do in about the last 10 percent of the book, but in a way that I did not find remotely satisfying and it would spoil the book to say too much else.
***Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an ARC in exchange for my honest review.***
The blurb also promised Malaya had an unforgettable voice. It seemed such an odd choice to me that she almost never actually speaks. I definitely rooted for her, but I didn't feel like she had much of a voice at all, I think because my aforementioned problems with the narration separated me from Malaya's sense of self. I honestly struggle to understand why she speaks so little.
People who have experienced cruelty as children regarding fatness will certainly read the greatest hits in this book, so as far as verisimilitude, it has it. Malaya's grandmother said things to her that my own grandmother said to me, word for word.
As far as Malaya's arc, there's just a lot of terrible things for a long time. I kept waiting for things to feel like they were going to pick up for her. They do in about the last 10 percent of the book, but in a way that I did not find remotely satisfying and it would spoil the book to say too much else.
***Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an ARC in exchange for my honest review.***
August 7, 2022
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This book is amazing, start to finish, and the narration is equally good.
Trigger warnings below.
I deeply love BIG GIRL by Mecca Jamilah Sullivan for every conceivable feature, from the wonderful style and writing, to the both heart-breaking and yet inspiring narrative, to the utterly charming narration on the arc audiobook I received from NetGalley, performed by Lisa Renee Pitts.
BIG GIRL tells the story of Malaya, an overweight young black girl living in Harlem in the 90s. Time passes around Malaya--she is first 10 in the narrative, then 15, then almost college age, looking at graduation. Everything changes around her--Harlem does, gentrification changes the face of the neighborhood she loves, hiphop does, when Biggie dies, even her home changes as the nature of the relationships inside it changes--her parents marriage, her mother's need for Malaya to lose weight and the fluctuating stridency with which she expresses this need. But one thing that doesn't seem to change for Malaya, no matter what she does, is that she always battles with her weight.
A note about the technical stuff. The Characters in this piece are finely rendered. I could smell them at certain points, they are so well cut. This is because I connected. Not merely because Sullivan describes, but because she describes reliably.
I love the way Sullivan writes about the painful things in life without being grotesquely detailed about them. As someone who has survived trauma, I appreciated this delicacy a great deal.
I won't give away how the narrative resolves, but I will say I think it's a clever, smart ending. Also, in a way, magical, which that time in history needs, a little bit. I know, I was there. This story is well told. Satisfying. It left me with the kind of good feeling that only really complete books can give a person. BIG GIRL is worth the read.
Rating 14 stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Finished August 2022, Audiobook
Recommended for fans of contemporary women's fiction, family fiction; and readers interested in themes dealing with weight and beauty/identity, stories told from diverse perspectives, and stories from black American women writers
Trigger warnings: weight related slurs, job loss, gentrification, death of a parent, emotional abuse/neglect, SA
Thank you so much Netgalley for an ARC of this phenomenal audiobook
This book is amazing, start to finish, and the narration is equally good.
Trigger warnings below.
I deeply love BIG GIRL by Mecca Jamilah Sullivan for every conceivable feature, from the wonderful style and writing, to the both heart-breaking and yet inspiring narrative, to the utterly charming narration on the arc audiobook I received from NetGalley, performed by Lisa Renee Pitts.
BIG GIRL tells the story of Malaya, an overweight young black girl living in Harlem in the 90s. Time passes around Malaya--she is first 10 in the narrative, then 15, then almost college age, looking at graduation. Everything changes around her--Harlem does, gentrification changes the face of the neighborhood she loves, hiphop does, when Biggie dies, even her home changes as the nature of the relationships inside it changes--her parents marriage, her mother's need for Malaya to lose weight and the fluctuating stridency with which she expresses this need. But one thing that doesn't seem to change for Malaya, no matter what she does, is that she always battles with her weight.
A note about the technical stuff. The Characters in this piece are finely rendered. I could smell them at certain points, they are so well cut. This is because I connected. Not merely because Sullivan describes, but because she describes reliably.
I love the way Sullivan writes about the painful things in life without being grotesquely detailed about them. As someone who has survived trauma, I appreciated this delicacy a great deal.
I won't give away how the narrative resolves, but I will say I think it's a clever, smart ending. Also, in a way, magical, which that time in history needs, a little bit. I know, I was there. This story is well told. Satisfying. It left me with the kind of good feeling that only really complete books can give a person. BIG GIRL is worth the read.
Rating 14 stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Finished August 2022, Audiobook
Recommended for fans of contemporary women's fiction, family fiction; and readers interested in themes dealing with weight and beauty/identity, stories told from diverse perspectives, and stories from black American women writers
Trigger warnings: weight related slurs, job loss, gentrification, death of a parent, emotional abuse/neglect, SA
Thank you so much Netgalley for an ARC of this phenomenal audiobook
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 1, 2022
♪♬♪“I don’t wanna live no more / Sometimes I hear death knocking at my front door,”♪♬♪ but there was a brightness beneath the weight, if you really listened. Something strange and surprising – big and small, brash and vulnerable at once.
Big Girl was one of the nominees for the Center for Fiction debut author award and it is most deserving of the honor. The aforementioned quote really taps into what you will experience with this read. A familiar premise of coming of age is made fresh via Malaya’s voice, her home life, the Harlem neighborhood where she lives, the Upper East Side prep school she attends, her 172 pound at 8 year old frame, a momma who has her counting points at weekly Weight Watchers meetings, and the writing. It’s all about the writing . . . .
Hunger had been a sixth sense, a whisper on her skin, telling her that something was urgently needed, and that food would make it better. She knew hunger’s voice so well she didn’t really need to listen to it; she heard the signal, and she responded with fries or chips or a four-piece chicken dinner, and she felt better until hunger sighed her way again.
Big Girl was one of the nominees for the Center for Fiction debut author award and it is most deserving of the honor. The aforementioned quote really taps into what you will experience with this read. A familiar premise of coming of age is made fresh via Malaya’s voice, her home life, the Harlem neighborhood where she lives, the Upper East Side prep school she attends, her 172 pound at 8 year old frame, a momma who has her counting points at weekly Weight Watchers meetings, and the writing. It’s all about the writing . . . .
Hunger had been a sixth sense, a whisper on her skin, telling her that something was urgently needed, and that food would make it better. She knew hunger’s voice so well she didn’t really need to listen to it; she heard the signal, and she responded with fries or chips or a four-piece chicken dinner, and she felt better until hunger sighed her way again.
August 24, 2022
I WANT TO YELL ON TOP OF SOME CRUSTY ROOF TOP HOW MUCH I LOVED THIS BOOK and everyone and their mama needs to read it STAT.
This made me feel soft. Vulnerable. Seen. Emotional. Validated. Empowered.
This made me feel soft. Vulnerable. Seen. Emotional. Validated. Empowered.
July 15, 2022
Big Girl is a heartrending & witty coming-of-age story of Malaya becoming her own shero! In the face of her family’s fat phobia she finds love for herself, her family, friends, and the music of 1990s Harlem.
"A thing is mighty big when time and distance cannot shrink it", by Zora Neale Hurston.
Gratitude to Mecca Jamilah Sullivan, Liveright and Norton for sharing a review copy!
"A thing is mighty big when time and distance cannot shrink it", by Zora Neale Hurston.
Gratitude to Mecca Jamilah Sullivan, Liveright and Norton for sharing a review copy!
August 16, 2023
There were so many times I thought Mecca Jamilah Sullivan's shining novel Big Girl would do me in.
It was a book I read with constant slivers of tears lined up along my lids, threatening to fall at any cruel word or wince.
A book where turning pages required a steadying breath beforehand.
Tackling the sociocultural factors of fatness, the politicization of navigating the world both in a body both fat, female, and black, defining womanhood, queerness, generational trauma, and the gentrification of Harlem in the 1990s, Big Girl is a book that can break hearts.
Only to rebuild them stronger. It's a journey shared by the reader with main character Malaya Clondon, one of hardship, but well worth it 💕
It was a book I read with constant slivers of tears lined up along my lids, threatening to fall at any cruel word or wince.
A book where turning pages required a steadying breath beforehand.
Tackling the sociocultural factors of fatness, the politicization of navigating the world both in a body both fat, female, and black, defining womanhood, queerness, generational trauma, and the gentrification of Harlem in the 1990s, Big Girl is a book that can break hearts.
Only to rebuild them stronger. It's a journey shared by the reader with main character Malaya Clondon, one of hardship, but well worth it 💕
July 11, 2023
As someone who’s always struggled with weight, this book provided a rich and emotional experience. Family and societal disapproval of being overweight is a painful, insidious, relentless experience and it can crush. The story is set in Harlem and the author, seemingly effortlessly, brings the neighbourhood to life. The gentrification of a black area by white people was a topic touched on too. I loved this book. It was a rollercoaster of *feels* for me. Many thanks to Netgalley for an arc of this book.
August 14, 2022
The writing and storytelling were A+ but for me it portrayed fatness in a very peculiar way. On one hand, I saw much of myself in this coming of age tale of a fat girl surrounded by family members who were obsessed with her weight. On the other hand, I rolled my eyes a lot. Like, this girl breaks so many chairs that her mom had to start piling said broken chairs on the porch? And the girl has broken MULTIPLE beds?? And at one point, she sits down at a booth in a diner and the booth CRACKS IN HALF??? And people constantly stare at her like they've never seen a fat person before???? These are just a few of the over the top, unrealistic details that ruined the book for me. Don't get me started on the way the author described food...
August 21, 2022
I kept expecting more. I wanted to know why Malaya was beyond obsessed with eating. Did something happen to her when she was younger. Did she have a metabolic reason. Did she even have a voice. As we often heard everyone else’s voice but rarely hers. And, I was disappointed in the ending.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 24, 2022
Thank you to NetGalley for my first ARC, in return here is my review.
Big Girl is a snapshot of about 10 years in Malaya Clondon’s life. The eight-year-old resident of Harlem has a big problem. She’s an immensely obese girl living in a world that ties women’s worth to the size of their bodies.
On paper her life looks pretty idyllic – loving and caring parents, comfortable lifestyle, a solid best friend, and the exceptionally smart Black child attends and excels at an upper east side school for gifted children. Although she faces the usual problems most adolescents face, Malaya finds her ever-growing size presents challenges of its own not the least of which is finding ways to get more food.
In in a world that is already unkind to girls, particularly Black girls, Malaya’s mother and grandmother routinely quiz her about how faithful she’s been to the never-ending string of diets they put her on. The clever child always provides the answers she knows will make the two women happy. But the questions never end.
Through her actions, and not necessarily her words, first-time author Mecca Jamilah Sullivan does a great job of showing us how Malaya navigates a world that’s particularly cruel to Big Girls.
Big Girl is a snapshot of about 10 years in Malaya Clondon’s life. The eight-year-old resident of Harlem has a big problem. She’s an immensely obese girl living in a world that ties women’s worth to the size of their bodies.
On paper her life looks pretty idyllic – loving and caring parents, comfortable lifestyle, a solid best friend, and the exceptionally smart Black child attends and excels at an upper east side school for gifted children. Although she faces the usual problems most adolescents face, Malaya finds her ever-growing size presents challenges of its own not the least of which is finding ways to get more food.
In in a world that is already unkind to girls, particularly Black girls, Malaya’s mother and grandmother routinely quiz her about how faithful she’s been to the never-ending string of diets they put her on. The clever child always provides the answers she knows will make the two women happy. But the questions never end.
Through her actions, and not necessarily her words, first-time author Mecca Jamilah Sullivan does a great job of showing us how Malaya navigates a world that’s particularly cruel to Big Girls.
August 15, 2022
The best parts of this book are the ones that get into Malaya's relationships with women and femininity, especially as she grows into womanhood and adult relationships with the other women in her life, and figures out what kind of woman she might want to be.
The not so great parts were the ones that seemed to revel a little too much in humiliating and hurtful details about Malaya's weight and the cruel ways some people react to it. We gotta see her break seats, top out doctors' scales, squeeze into too-tight pants. I get that the hardships are part of this story but it felt at times like the narration was just as invested in shaming her for her weight as some of the characters were.
One choice I am really interested to learn the author's reason behind is how little Malaya talks. I'm not sure if she's a quiet person or someone who speaks plenty but it doesn't get recorded on the page. It worked in fitting with the theme of how much people project on her rather than letting her speak for herself, and it lets the reader dwell with her interior thoughts and feelings without distraction. But I'm curious why she chose to craft it that way.
The not so great parts were the ones that seemed to revel a little too much in humiliating and hurtful details about Malaya's weight and the cruel ways some people react to it. We gotta see her break seats, top out doctors' scales, squeeze into too-tight pants. I get that the hardships are part of this story but it felt at times like the narration was just as invested in shaming her for her weight as some of the characters were.
One choice I am really interested to learn the author's reason behind is how little Malaya talks. I'm not sure if she's a quiet person or someone who speaks plenty but it doesn't get recorded on the page. It worked in fitting with the theme of how much people project on her rather than letting her speak for herself, and it lets the reader dwell with her interior thoughts and feelings without distraction. But I'm curious why she chose to craft it that way.
August 5, 2022
I’m obviously in the minority with this book which I struggled to finish. I kept waiting for something to happen, for a big climax or reveal or highlight of the book but instead I got more and more of the same as Malaya got older and larger. Sometimes I felt the characters were well developed and at other times I went “huh”? At them. The book was consistently inconsistent but I did finish it.
December 10, 2022
This is a lovingly crafted story with a well-developed protagonist that really shines. Young Malaya is kind, vulnerable, and wise beyond her years. By the end of the book Malaya is a teenager. I felt like I could almost see Malaya's drawings and collages and hear her talk about her day while we listen to Biggie together.
This book should come with a trigger warning for eating disorders because the author brings those to life with crushing realism, but it is so beautifully written and authentic. Laughed, cried, stayed up too late to read one more chapter...I call that a great novel! Maybe we'll be lucky enough to get the movie one day. One of my favorite novels that I read in 2022 for sure.
This book should come with a trigger warning for eating disorders because the author brings those to life with crushing realism, but it is so beautifully written and authentic. Laughed, cried, stayed up too late to read one more chapter...I call that a great novel! Maybe we'll be lucky enough to get the movie one day. One of my favorite novels that I read in 2022 for sure.
July 7, 2023
Wewhhh this book took me through the motions. It gave me way more than what I originally thought it was going to give.
Big Girl follows Malaya through girlhood (around 8 years old) and then mid teens about 16/17ish. The book brings us to Harlem in the 1990s! We hear about the earlier periods of gentrification, (white) societal standards, racism, misogynoir, homophobia & obesity in that era. Oh yeah & the Notorious B.I.G. ! I love that the author includes him.
Malaya, is a big Black girl, attending a predominately white Upper East Side school. She lives with her middle class parents. — who at 1 point we’re madly in love , but because of their different parenting styles the marriage has began to struggle partly due to Malaya’s weight.
Bigger than most kids her age, Malaya is dragged to Weight Watchers meetings by her mother and has to stomach negative comments from her grandmother, & some of her schoolmates.
More than half of the book involves a lot of food and body shaming which can be really triggering. Yet, it all rings very true and it's an important story to hear. It definitely made me watch my own mouth. In the black community, a lot of the things being told to her - could be heard at any black family gathering. It’s really sickening. I feel like everyone needs to read this. Just as a wake up call on how we unknowingly speak or judge others.
I received this book as part of a Book Tour. From Hear Our Voices. & I owe them a huge thank you. Because it was a great read.
Big Girl follows Malaya through girlhood (around 8 years old) and then mid teens about 16/17ish. The book brings us to Harlem in the 1990s! We hear about the earlier periods of gentrification, (white) societal standards, racism, misogynoir, homophobia & obesity in that era. Oh yeah & the Notorious B.I.G. ! I love that the author includes him.
Malaya, is a big Black girl, attending a predominately white Upper East Side school. She lives with her middle class parents. — who at 1 point we’re madly in love , but because of their different parenting styles the marriage has began to struggle partly due to Malaya’s weight.
Bigger than most kids her age, Malaya is dragged to Weight Watchers meetings by her mother and has to stomach negative comments from her grandmother, & some of her schoolmates.
More than half of the book involves a lot of food and body shaming which can be really triggering. Yet, it all rings very true and it's an important story to hear. It definitely made me watch my own mouth. In the black community, a lot of the things being told to her - could be heard at any black family gathering. It’s really sickening. I feel like everyone needs to read this. Just as a wake up call on how we unknowingly speak or judge others.
I received this book as part of a Book Tour. From Hear Our Voices. & I owe them a huge thank you. Because it was a great read.
July 11, 2022
Big Girl by Mecca Jamilah Sullivan. Thanks to @liverightpublishing for the gifted copy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Eight year old Malaya hates going to Weight Watchers with her mother, and the way the females in her family talk about weight and food. As she grows older, and larger, she struggles with their pressures to lose wider and her prep school challenges.
A modern-day and diverse She Comes Undone (a favorite of mine), I couldn’t put this one down. I loved Malaya from the beginning. The story is a great coming of age, but also examines gentrification, mental health, and how family affects our decisions and views on ourselves. This was a really meaningful and true to life book. I loved the ending and how Malaya grows and learns.
“That’s the story of black culture. We make magic, they consume it. Make it theirs. We have to start over, and we do. Over and over again. It’s hard on people.”
“Each time someone told her, ‘you have such a pretty face’, she felt as though they wanted to sever her head from her body, to discard the meat of her and leave the small round disk of her face as her one saving quality.”
Big Girl comes out 7/12.
Eight year old Malaya hates going to Weight Watchers with her mother, and the way the females in her family talk about weight and food. As she grows older, and larger, she struggles with their pressures to lose wider and her prep school challenges.
A modern-day and diverse She Comes Undone (a favorite of mine), I couldn’t put this one down. I loved Malaya from the beginning. The story is a great coming of age, but also examines gentrification, mental health, and how family affects our decisions and views on ourselves. This was a really meaningful and true to life book. I loved the ending and how Malaya grows and learns.
“That’s the story of black culture. We make magic, they consume it. Make it theirs. We have to start over, and we do. Over and over again. It’s hard on people.”
“Each time someone told her, ‘you have such a pretty face’, she felt as though they wanted to sever her head from her body, to discard the meat of her and leave the small round disk of her face as her one saving quality.”
Big Girl comes out 7/12.
May 23, 2024
Das Buch hat mich vor Rührung, Sentimentalität, Freude und Mitgefühl mehrfach zum Weinen gebracht.
Mir hat es gerade so gefallen weil ich in einigen Situationen eigene Familien- und Freundschaftsdynamiken relaten konnte und es für mich zugleich eine völlig fremde aber wichtige Perspektive war, einen Roman zu lesen dessen Protagonistin sowohl BPOC und adipös ist.
Gebt euch das!!
Mir hat es gerade so gefallen weil ich in einigen Situationen eigene Familien- und Freundschaftsdynamiken relaten konnte und es für mich zugleich eine völlig fremde aber wichtige Perspektive war, einen Roman zu lesen dessen Protagonistin sowohl BPOC und adipös ist.
Gebt euch das!!
May 23, 2022
I received an advanced copy of this book from W.W. Norton and NetGalley. This book completely captured my imagination. Sullivan created a Bildungsroman that is profoundly relatable, in spite of the protagonist being 8 years old for a third of the book.
Malaya is fat, black, and not convinced that the grown women in her life have it all figured out. The book opens when she is a kid, attending Weight Watchers meetings with her mother and enduring the cruel and invasive attention of her peers (and most upsetting, her grandmother.) The character development in this book is breathtaking. Malaya is keenly observant of the changes in herself, her parents (and their marriage) and the neighborhood around her. Malaya’s sense of awareness is thanks to Sullivan deftly creating a main character who misses nothing, is generous and forgiving of the missteps of those around her, and is ultimately true to herself and her passions.
This book was, in turns, liberating to read, heartbreaking, fascinating, and gave me so much hope for young girls forced to shoulder the expectations and dreams of those around them.
Malaya is fat, black, and not convinced that the grown women in her life have it all figured out. The book opens when she is a kid, attending Weight Watchers meetings with her mother and enduring the cruel and invasive attention of her peers (and most upsetting, her grandmother.) The character development in this book is breathtaking. Malaya is keenly observant of the changes in herself, her parents (and their marriage) and the neighborhood around her. Malaya’s sense of awareness is thanks to Sullivan deftly creating a main character who misses nothing, is generous and forgiving of the missteps of those around her, and is ultimately true to herself and her passions.
This book was, in turns, liberating to read, heartbreaking, fascinating, and gave me so much hope for young girls forced to shoulder the expectations and dreams of those around them.
February 14, 2024
This is EXACTLY why I need to review books closer to when I read them—I had limited notes on this novel, and my spotty memory (which Goodreads reviews are supposed to stand in for) is little to no help. To achieve my goal of catching up on 2023 reviews, I turned to my fellow reviewers to remember more of my feelings about this story. I loved Nakia’s review of this book, because she hits the nail on the head about how it felt to read this story. Big Girl is such a slow-moving drudge in some places, and even during some of the major plot points, it feels like nothing much is happening. This experience, of waiting around for a sort of narrative energy that never materialized, is why it took me over a month to finish this book, despite it being under 300 pages. This novel DRAGS ON AND ON, and it can pull you into a slump if you’re not careful.
At the same time, I thought this book succeeded from a narrative standpoint. Malaya is constantly fielding off adults’ exhausting devotion to her weight loss, and attempting to receive parental attention that has to do with anything else. In her formation of this character, Mecca Jamilah Sullivan has created a teenage protagonist that feels realistically naïve, but still instructive for an adult audience (unless I’m misinformed, this is not a YA novel.) Even when we can see the trainwrecks Malaya is heading towards, we empathize with the situations that have led her to said wreck, and feel deeply hurt every time she gets her hopes up or lets her guard down, only to be victimized by the cruel fatphobia of this world once more. On the subject of deep pain in this story, I’m a bit on the fence about the portrayal of the mom and grandmother. They are so resolutely terrible, that not even a single interaction between them is loving or focused on anything except weight loss. I understood that this was the focus of the book, but in a story that provides a lot of day-to-day scenes, I thought there might have been time to include even a few other interactions between Malaya and her mother, especially. This may just be me not getting what the author is trying to do, however. I did feel like the way these women examined every social interaction was incredibly accurate to how those kitchen table debriefs go down. I found those sections to be the most engaging parts of this novel, and wished there were even more gossip sessions in this story.
Finally, I didn’t think that Sullivan had anything particularly insightful or even well-rendered to say about Harlem. She absolutely has the right to talk about this topic, given that this is a place she has deep ties to, and one that has become unrecognizable to many longtime residents. However, I think Big Girl fails to live up to its promotion as a relevant and thoughtful novel about gentrification. In my opinion, there’s not much literary merit in her discussion of place. To quote Nakia’s review once more, I *do* think this book has something interesting to say about its time period, in general. I am always searching for historical fiction that is set in a more recent timeframe, particularly the 1970s-1990s. As many of you know, this is because of my continued interest in the political and cultural formations of (Black) Gen X. Unfortunately, the books that touch on these topics so far have mostly been underwhelming. Big Girl is a better attempt to set stories in the 90s than most, so I’ll take it!
Final Notes
I would actually recommend this book, as I think its focus on a Black child experiencing fatphobia and ultimately learning what works for her body is really powerful. There are many points for reflection that can be found in this story, and teachable moments in fiction are always appreciated. At the same time, this novel is SLOWWWWW as molasses, and not one that stands out to me even a few months later. So, if you skip it in search of other books with similar subject matter, I wouldn’t blame you!
At the same time, I thought this book succeeded from a narrative standpoint. Malaya is constantly fielding off adults’ exhausting devotion to her weight loss, and attempting to receive parental attention that has to do with anything else. In her formation of this character, Mecca Jamilah Sullivan has created a teenage protagonist that feels realistically naïve, but still instructive for an adult audience (unless I’m misinformed, this is not a YA novel.) Even when we can see the trainwrecks Malaya is heading towards, we empathize with the situations that have led her to said wreck, and feel deeply hurt every time she gets her hopes up or lets her guard down, only to be victimized by the cruel fatphobia of this world once more. On the subject of deep pain in this story, I’m a bit on the fence about the portrayal of the mom and grandmother. They are so resolutely terrible, that not even a single interaction between them is loving or focused on anything except weight loss. I understood that this was the focus of the book, but in a story that provides a lot of day-to-day scenes, I thought there might have been time to include even a few other interactions between Malaya and her mother, especially. This may just be me not getting what the author is trying to do, however. I did feel like the way these women examined every social interaction was incredibly accurate to how those kitchen table debriefs go down. I found those sections to be the most engaging parts of this novel, and wished there were even more gossip sessions in this story.
Finally, I didn’t think that Sullivan had anything particularly insightful or even well-rendered to say about Harlem. She absolutely has the right to talk about this topic, given that this is a place she has deep ties to, and one that has become unrecognizable to many longtime residents. However, I think Big Girl fails to live up to its promotion as a relevant and thoughtful novel about gentrification. In my opinion, there’s not much literary merit in her discussion of place. To quote Nakia’s review once more, I *do* think this book has something interesting to say about its time period, in general. I am always searching for historical fiction that is set in a more recent timeframe, particularly the 1970s-1990s. As many of you know, this is because of my continued interest in the political and cultural formations of (Black) Gen X. Unfortunately, the books that touch on these topics so far have mostly been underwhelming. Big Girl is a better attempt to set stories in the 90s than most, so I’ll take it!
Final Notes
I would actually recommend this book, as I think its focus on a Black child experiencing fatphobia and ultimately learning what works for her body is really powerful. There are many points for reflection that can be found in this story, and teachable moments in fiction are always appreciated. At the same time, this novel is SLOWWWWW as molasses, and not one that stands out to me even a few months later. So, if you skip it in search of other books with similar subject matter, I wouldn’t blame you!
June 14, 2023
In BIG GIRL by Mecca Jamilah Sullivan, readers are taken on a poignant journey through the life of Malaya Clondon, an eight-year-old girl growing up in Harlem. The book skillfully captures about a decade of Malaya's life, highlighting the challenges she faces as an immensely obese girl in a society that judges women based on their bodies. Despite having a seemingly idyllic life with loving parents and a comfortable lifestyle, Malaya's weight becomes a constant source of scrutiny and pressure. Sullivan expertly portrays the struggles Malaya encounters, from dealing with diets imposed by her mother and grandmother to navigating a world that is unkind to girls, especially Black girls. Through vibrant and lyrical prose, the author captures the essence of Malaya's journey, weaving together themes of body image, self-acceptance, and societal expectations. Sullivan's debut novel presents a powerful and urgent narrative, shedding light on the challenges faced by girls like Malaya while offering a compelling exploration of identity and resilience.
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December 2, 2022
I received an advance review copy of this ebook for free from W.W. Norton & Co. and NetGalley, and I am leaving this review voluntarily as a courtesy.
Growing up in Harlem isn't easy, especially for Malaya Clondon, a big Black girl attending a predominately white Upper East Side prep school under the watchful eyes of her mother and grandmother. Bigger than most kids her age, Malaya is dragged to Weight Watchers meetings by her mother and subjected to the sharp criticism of her grandmother, her weight constantly under surveillance and a source of shame. Malaya must find her own way and it's not until after tragedy strikes that she is able to find the freedom she so desperately seeks from her own body.
Mecca Jamilah Sullivan's debut novel is a story that we all need to read. Sullivan eloquently describes the barriers and struggles that Black girls face in a world that is intent on beating them down. This character-driven story challenges (white) societal standards, racism, misogynoir, and homophobia while uplifting the thoughts and feelings of an obese teenage Black girl. I was in tears throughout the book. I don't care who you are. Everyone needs to read this book!
Reps of note: Black girl/woman struggles & joy, LGBTQ+, fat/big girls/women
Growing up in Harlem isn't easy, especially for Malaya Clondon, a big Black girl attending a predominately white Upper East Side prep school under the watchful eyes of her mother and grandmother. Bigger than most kids her age, Malaya is dragged to Weight Watchers meetings by her mother and subjected to the sharp criticism of her grandmother, her weight constantly under surveillance and a source of shame. Malaya must find her own way and it's not until after tragedy strikes that she is able to find the freedom she so desperately seeks from her own body.
Mecca Jamilah Sullivan's debut novel is a story that we all need to read. Sullivan eloquently describes the barriers and struggles that Black girls face in a world that is intent on beating them down. This character-driven story challenges (white) societal standards, racism, misogynoir, and homophobia while uplifting the thoughts and feelings of an obese teenage Black girl. I was in tears throughout the book. I don't care who you are. Everyone needs to read this book!
Reps of note: Black girl/woman struggles & joy, LGBTQ+, fat/big girls/women
August 12, 2022
I was really excited to read this book and I thought the first half of it was excellent. The perspective of how a child experiences expectations from peers, female family members, society, etc. made the first half book a great read. However, the character development in the second half of the book flatlined. The author repeated the same character tropes from the first part of the book and the characters and storyline of this book did not mature. The ending of the book felt like a disservice to the little girl at the beginning of the book.
December 29, 2023
This book was a tough read because it hit way too close to home. It also dragged in the middle and near the end, and slowed my reading pace all the way down lol
Very well-written, so I kept waiting for the thing, some thing, to really grab me. It never did, but it still resonated very strongly due to my own upbringing.
Loved the ending, but hated the catalyst for transformation.
I loved that this was set in the 90s. We need more historical fiction in that decade! Seriously.
Very well-written, so I kept waiting for the thing, some thing, to really grab me. It never did, but it still resonated very strongly due to my own upbringing.
Loved the ending, but hated the catalyst for transformation.
I loved that this was set in the 90s. We need more historical fiction in that decade! Seriously.
July 7, 2023
Wow. This story crawled inside of me and broke my heart in a thousand ways. As the title implies, Mayala is a big girl - morbidly obese in fact. We meet her at a Weight Watchers meeting at the age of 8. Yes, heartbreak number 1. What opens up from there is 10 more years of what it means to be big and black and female and terrified and angry and lonely and questioning in Harlem in the 80s and 90s. (The other 900 heartbreaks.)
I’m not black or a New Yorker, but so much else about this vulnerable storytelling resonated with me. Sullivan gets straight to the heat of that era, the battle to fill an emotional void with whatever seems to numb the empty feeling, the multigenerational dysfunction that can be passed down - especially from mother to daughter. She opened my eyes to Harlem, NY and what happens when neighborhoods are effectively destroyed by “gentrification.” (have I mentioned the heartbreak?)
Honestly, I felt the emotional weight of this story the whole time I was reading. But, wisely, Sullivan didn’t leave me in a dark or empty place. Without solving the world’s issues (or even all of Malaya’s) she weaves hope and lightness into this novel at just the right time. She left me full and satisfied as a reader.
I’m not black or a New Yorker, but so much else about this vulnerable storytelling resonated with me. Sullivan gets straight to the heat of that era, the battle to fill an emotional void with whatever seems to numb the empty feeling, the multigenerational dysfunction that can be passed down - especially from mother to daughter. She opened my eyes to Harlem, NY and what happens when neighborhoods are effectively destroyed by “gentrification.” (have I mentioned the heartbreak?)
Honestly, I felt the emotional weight of this story the whole time I was reading. But, wisely, Sullivan didn’t leave me in a dark or empty place. Without solving the world’s issues (or even all of Malaya’s) she weaves hope and lightness into this novel at just the right time. She left me full and satisfied as a reader.
These women didn’t make up the world that boxed them in, Mayala now realized. They lived in it just as she did, but it was made before them and beyond them, by someone who cared less. She knew this world, understood its melodies. But she didn’t need it forever … She could look at their universe of ravenous shame, hold it at a distance, and decide for herself.
July 21, 2022
This is a hard audio to review.
I liked Malaya and understood totally what she was going through. But, and that is a big but, it was so hard to read about the jabs, complaints, passive aggressive, and outright aggressive words/deeds about being a big/fat girl. Add in the fact that she was also poor and non-white and it was just a lot to have to hear.
I understand why it was spanned across such a big span of time, but I thought it would have been so much better if there had been some more time jumps and less detail about every little thing that happens.
I do recommend reading this one, but just be prepared for the non stop focus on being fat.
Thanks to Netgalley for the audiobook arc.
I liked Malaya and understood totally what she was going through. But, and that is a big but, it was so hard to read about the jabs, complaints, passive aggressive, and outright aggressive words/deeds about being a big/fat girl. Add in the fact that she was also poor and non-white and it was just a lot to have to hear.
I understand why it was spanned across such a big span of time, but I thought it would have been so much better if there had been some more time jumps and less detail about every little thing that happens.
I do recommend reading this one, but just be prepared for the non stop focus on being fat.
Thanks to Netgalley for the audiobook arc.
September 29, 2022
Big Girl’s protagonist, Malaya is a Black girl trying to find her place in a world that simply has no room for her. She is deeply loved by her mother, father and grandmother but each of them give of themselves in ways that serve no one except themselves leaving Malaya to figure out how to fill her cup on her own. I squealed in absolute delight as the tapestry of Harlem life in the 90’s leaped off the page…Wimp’s Bakery (where I would get my weekly fill of peach cobbler), Copelands and the soundtrack to my high school years made this a most enjoyable read. My only wish was to hear more of Malaya’s words directly from her. The most poignant and relatable aspects of the narrative were front and center when Malaya spoke directly to the other characters and gave us direct access to her hopes, dreams and fears.
March 15, 2025
A must read. Loved this and felt this book so much
July 8, 2023
"Big Girl" by Mecca Jamilah Sullivan is a captivating debut novel that offers a compelling exploration of identity and self-acceptance. Set in 1990s Harlem, the story follows Malaya, an overweight girl navigating the complexities of family, friendship, and societal expectations.
The protagonist, Malaya, is a relatable and deeply human character. Her struggles with body image, self-esteem, and societal pressure are portrayed with sensitivity and authenticity.
One of the strengths of "Big Girl" lies in its exploration of the intersections of identity. The novel delves into the complexities of race, gender, and body size, shedding light on the unique challenges faced by individuals at these intersections. This adds depth and resonance to the story, making it thought-provoking.
Sullivan's storytelling is powerful and engaging, addressing important themes with grace and insight. The book touches on issues of body positivity, societal beauty standards, and the impact of family and friends on one's self-image. It encourages readers to reflect on their own perceptions of beauty and the need for greater acceptance and inclusivity.
Overall, "Big Girl" is a remarkable novel that tackles themes of identity, self-acceptance, and the complexities of navigating society as a plus-sized individual. Sullivan's compelling storytelling, well-drawn characters, and exploration of critical social issues make this book a must-read. It is a testament to the power of embracing one's true self and the journey toward finding one's own voice and self-worth.
The protagonist, Malaya, is a relatable and deeply human character. Her struggles with body image, self-esteem, and societal pressure are portrayed with sensitivity and authenticity.
One of the strengths of "Big Girl" lies in its exploration of the intersections of identity. The novel delves into the complexities of race, gender, and body size, shedding light on the unique challenges faced by individuals at these intersections. This adds depth and resonance to the story, making it thought-provoking.
Sullivan's storytelling is powerful and engaging, addressing important themes with grace and insight. The book touches on issues of body positivity, societal beauty standards, and the impact of family and friends on one's self-image. It encourages readers to reflect on their own perceptions of beauty and the need for greater acceptance and inclusivity.
Overall, "Big Girl" is a remarkable novel that tackles themes of identity, self-acceptance, and the complexities of navigating society as a plus-sized individual. Sullivan's compelling storytelling, well-drawn characters, and exploration of critical social issues make this book a must-read. It is a testament to the power of embracing one's true self and the journey toward finding one's own voice and self-worth.
January 17, 2024
Mecca Jamilah Sullivan's "Big Girl" unfolds the life of Malaya, exploring the scrutiny her family places on her eating habits and the criticism of her weight. The novel delves into the complexities of identity, relationships, and societal expectations, particularly for a black woman, shaping Malaya's self-perception and contemplation of the women she might become.
"This is what it is to be a woman. Everything is your job."
Malaya, a reserved individual, expresses herself through actions rather than words, creating poignant moments where silence is misunderstood, influencing the course of relationships. This aspect reminded me of Sally Rooney's "Normal People."
I appreciated the incorporation of Biggie Smalls references and lyrics, feeling that the author authentically captured the ambiance of the 80s and 90s. The narrative also spotlights the evolving landscape of Harlem during Malaya's childhood and the challenges of neighborhood gentrification.
"We make magic, they consume it, make it theirs. We have to start over, and we do. Over and over again. It’s hard on people."
For those who identify with being or have been a "Big Girl," many aspects of the story, especially the character of Ma-Mère, will resonate. Ma-Mère's character, disliked yet understood, serves as a testament to the well-crafted storytelling. I particularly enjoyed Ma-Mère's sayings and phrases, such as "they got enough lights to put the sun out of business" and "called so much I thought Alexander Graham Bell himself would have to get up out of the grave and cut the telephone wire to make him stop."
"Sometimes you have to act like the world was made for you, even if all sense and signs say it’s not."
NetGalley provided me with an ARC copy of “Big Girl” in exchange for this honest review.
"This is what it is to be a woman. Everything is your job."
Malaya, a reserved individual, expresses herself through actions rather than words, creating poignant moments where silence is misunderstood, influencing the course of relationships. This aspect reminded me of Sally Rooney's "Normal People."
I appreciated the incorporation of Biggie Smalls references and lyrics, feeling that the author authentically captured the ambiance of the 80s and 90s. The narrative also spotlights the evolving landscape of Harlem during Malaya's childhood and the challenges of neighborhood gentrification.
"We make magic, they consume it, make it theirs. We have to start over, and we do. Over and over again. It’s hard on people."
For those who identify with being or have been a "Big Girl," many aspects of the story, especially the character of Ma-Mère, will resonate. Ma-Mère's character, disliked yet understood, serves as a testament to the well-crafted storytelling. I particularly enjoyed Ma-Mère's sayings and phrases, such as "they got enough lights to put the sun out of business" and "called so much I thought Alexander Graham Bell himself would have to get up out of the grave and cut the telephone wire to make him stop."
"Sometimes you have to act like the world was made for you, even if all sense and signs say it’s not."
NetGalley provided me with an ARC copy of “Big Girl” in exchange for this honest review.
September 15, 2025
The second half took it up to 4⭐️. I really enjoyed the vivid details and especially how it focused on her mother and grandmother’s tainted views and and not only Malaya being bullied. I think it’s more realistic to have a deeper struggle when you’re constantly judged my your family rather than strangers.
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