If Mama Ain't Happy: Why Minding Healthy Boundaries Is Good for Your Whole Family

by Rachel Norman

Are you weary? Stressed? Depressed, anxious, and annoyed? And, to top it all off, do you feel guilty for feeling bad? Rachel Norman gets you, mama. She knows how much you love your kids. And how, day after day, you put your family's needs first, which means your own needs come last. Or don't come at all.

Rachel used to be a mom who spent her days weary, anxious, and guilt laden. She had five kids in five years, lived on three different continents, and then was blindsided by a devastating health diagnosis. Neglecting her own physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs for so long--in an effort to be a selfless mother--had left her utterly depleted. And physically unwell. Then she began asking a question she'd never considered before: Could it be that taking good care of myself is not actually selfish, but maybe, just maybe, something a responsible adult does? In this countercultural book, Rachel takes some weight off your shoulders by

offering hands-on, rubber-meets-the-road strategies to cultivate a life you aren't trying to constantly escape
teaching you to discover and claim your own limits and boundaries so you can be a calm, resilient, peaceful mother
showing you how to shape your daily life and values around the few things that really matter, and how to let the rest go

If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. But when mama is at peace? Everyone benefits.

Genres: Parenting, Audiobook

220 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 11, 2022

Reviews

[Natalie all_books_great_and_small · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an advance reader copy of this book to read in exchange for an honest review via netgalley and the publishers.

If Mama Ain't Happy I'd an amazingly truthful and real non-fiction book I encourage all mothers to read if they aren't happy about something in their life. This book helps you to set boundaries in your life,reminds you it's fine to say no and offers practical and achievable advice and tips to change things your not happy with. No mother is perfect and this book is a great reminder that social media affects us as well as children and our families with often unrealistic lives pictured as perfect and perfect families etc. The author is brutally honest but also tells you things with humour and relatability. I feel like I've spent time with an old friend reading this book and found it an inspiring and game changer of a read.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you need someone to tell you it’s ok and your crazy life with a husband and kids is the norm but also at the same time learn tons of tips and tricks to make your life easier, then read this book! There’s a lot of people whom I follow who teach this same stuff for hundreds or thousands of $$ but Rachel lays it all out for you in this book! It’s such an easy read too. Lots of laughs and maybe a few tears. She’s honest … and let’s be honest … the truth sometimes is hard to hear, but oh so necessary. And if you put in just a little bit of work the results are priceless. Happy mama = Happy family!

[Lindsey Mashon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rachel is the best friend every mom needs! She is wise, compassionate, funny, and full of timely, straight talking, conviction. I have been inspired to set healthy boundaries in my home for the good of myself, my kids, and my husband, and I have received so many amazing tools for becoming the calm and well-regulated mom I long to be. I have even had my husband listen to some portions and it has sparked great conversations for how we can be more intentional in cultivating the atmosphere of our home in a way that is good for us as well as the kids. I will be passing this out to all my mom friends and I know I will be returning to it again and again for fresh encouragement!

[Katharina · Rating 4 out of 5]

A timely read for me in an intense season of life. Rachel helped me identify some boundaries in my life that I’ve tried to ignore, and I feel like I have fresh grace (for myself!) and courage to implement some new strategies in our home. I love her encouragement to live joyfully in the present, especially since it comes from her own journey of living with cancer.

[M.E. Carter]

This actually gave me some really good practical advice. Except I don't have toddlers. I have 2 jobs and teenagers. All of who run me just as ragged.

[Kristy Batchelor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relatable for those in the thick of motherhood. Great tips and ideas for how to remove the stress and enjoy this season of life.

[Elizabeth Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was just okay for me.
I think because there was so much I already implemented
it felt repetitive.
However, this could be beneficial if you just aren’t content with how things are going in your house & want to figure out how to change it.

[Amy Shaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75 stars. This is the best mama/parenting book I have read yet with a good balance of encouragement and practical advice.

[Renee Knoblauch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a mom can be difficult and then add to the mix everything else! It can be stressful and tiring at times. We moms have a tendency to neglect everything we need on our quest to be a great mom, friend, servant of God, and wife. Rachel also is a homeschool mama and makes it even more real to me with what she shares. I don’t know about you but I wear myself ragged and rarely take time for myself physically, mentally, and even pushing my spiritual life deeper. Not only does it affect me but my family and those around me.

I noticed the authors name when I decided to read this book. She obviously said some things that were memorable to me. I have read some of Rachel Norman’s articles and blog post in the past. She has some very encouraging and practical advice for mom’s.

Honestly books like this aren’t my regular genre as they usually make me want to throw them across the room as they aren’t realistic and make me feel like I’m a complete failure and do everything wrong. Then this mama truly isn’t happy and the whole house knows. Rachel isn’t a lot of fluff and promeganda. She is honest and doesn’t beat around the bush. Ouch, as that can’t hurt. She does it in a way that is relatable and makes you laugh and even get teary eyed.

She goes over setting boundries that are healty in all areas of our lives. It’s okay to say no! She offers several tips, routines, and advice that are practical to help you mom. We compare our life to others. Man social media doesn’t just affect our kids but us too. Everyone looks happy, well mannered, and eats healthy meals that don’t come from a box. Then mama looks happy, and takes care of her health with eating and exercise. Not to mention she looks beautiful with her nice clothes, hair, and makeup. They travel and have a clean home! I love her advice on the social media trap.

The book covers all kinds of topics from de-cluttering, pray and meditation, boundaries, living within your means, eating well, resting, enjoying time with family, making life simple, and other great topics.

This is one of those books that I didn't think I needed and it came at a good time in my life.

Disclosure: I received this complimentary product

[Kait · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Pay attention when you find yourself trying to live up to impossible standards that set you up to fail. Instead develop standards based on Scripture, your true values, and what’s realistic in this stage of your life.” This was one of those “can I get an amen” kind of advice books. I joke with my friends that I’ve got a stick up my butt but the truth is that I find it very difficult not to view the world through a very rigid set of black ‘n white rules #neverneutral. What Rachel Norman does in “If Mama Ain’t Happy” is demonstrate how we take responsibility for what we can and loosen our grip on the other stuff. This book is punchy; I found myself in many places being like, “Well, it’s not *that* simple.” BUT, when you think about it–and Rachel has in order to write this book!–our lives don’t have to be a chaotic mess. We can have standards, set boundaries, take care of ourselves, and trust God for the future. The question for us is this: are we willing?

[Diane Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, Rachel Norman, for ensuring I had to bring tissues in the stroller on my walks with my toddler.

When I tell you this book SPOKE TO MY SOUL, you guys. Rachel put truths to words that I didn't even realize or verbalize to myself. This book was so timely for me to read. It's well-written, encouraging (but also will knock you back with a reality check), and exactly what this Mama needed to hear.

The title perfectly sums up the premise. Rachel Norman uses personal examples as well as specific examples not directly correlated to her own life (so many will be able to relate through one illustration or another) to practically call out to us busy Moms who are trying to DO IT ALL and drowning while doing it.

I loved this book. I listened to the audiobook and loved hearing the author's own voice read it. I now need to purchase a paper copy so I can underline the crap out of it.

Throughout the chapters, there are thought-provoking questions to help you see and understand your own boundary lines and brainstorm how to give yourself breathing room. I loved these and felt like they were super practical, doable, and had depth.

This fell just under 5 hours, which was honestly the perfect amount of time. I listened on a walk every day and as I said, it was a gut punch (in a good way?).

If you're a Mom and you're feeling like you do it all but not necessarily well... and your solution is often to do MORE (wake up earlier, go to bed later, organize better, etc etc etc) then this book is DEFINITELY for you. If you're a woman of great faith who still feels like she's drowning but wants to enjoy her life and her family, this book is for you. If you need practical encouragement from a mother who's been there, done that... this book is for you.

Absolutely highly recommend. Full 5 stars.

[Connie Saunders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mothering is the most rewarding job ever, but oh my, it can be exhausting! Rachel Norman knows this and she's written a book to help others who are stressed out and worn out.  Her realization that she couldn't care for her family as she desired, if she was physically tired or emotionally drained, prompted her to change her life. She set out to improve her physical and emotional health, and now she's ready to help others because she knows that there's something to the age-old saying 'If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy'.

Norman relates the lessons she's learned by sharing her own experiences and she does this in a way that makes you feel like you're chatting with her over a cup of coffee. She offers encouragement for mothers of all ages: new mothers with babies or seasoned mothers raising teenagers, and reading this book will appeal to all of them. And then, in the final chapter, Norman shares the most important message of all. Mothers, and the way our society perceives them,  may have changed over the years but one thing remains the same. 'The God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow never changes.' All of us need to find our True North, and we also need to remember that happy moms raise happy kids.

Do yourself a favor and find a copy of this book for a big dose of hope and encouragement. If Mama Ain't Happy is a must-read for mothers!

I received a copy of this book from the author via FrontGate Media. There was no obligation for a positive review.

[Janelle Cole · Rating 5 out of 5]

We all know we are supposed to take care of ourselves, but are we doing it? Are we setting healthy boundaries for ourselves, for our children?


Rachel Norman decided to write a book to moms who need to be reminded that if we are not taking care of ourselves we cannot take the best care of our families. She dives into detail on ways we can be better boundary setters, manage expectations better, and more. She talks about the things that wear us out as moms, the ways we let our kids, culture and people push our buttons.

This book is a refreshing look at how we can take better care of ourselves with a Biblical view. She has the reader look at the rules that we set, or that we feel we need to live by. Then we look at standards, whose standards are they and why? Next is digging into friends, emotions and even daily care.

No matter what kind of mom you are, you will be able to take away some great suggestions on ways to be your best for you, your family and for God!

Note : In accordance with FTC guidelines, MHM Buzz will always disclose where products being reviewed originate. Often, we review books/products provided for free by publishers, whether ARC’s (advanced reading copies) or post-publication. However, MHM Buzz does not, nor do any of its book review authors, receive any compensation for reviews. All product reviews are voluntary, my personal opinion and not required for receipt of the product. I received a complimentary copy of If Mama Ain’t Happy.

[K.M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A decent overview of how to handle our own choices, homes, and stress, particularly for young moms/girls prepping for marriage. Some of these mindsets are helpful prior to relationships. For additional points in favor, it's an easy, light-hearted read and asks questions we all should be asking. I appreciated the self examination tools at the ends of the chapters and overall the material was well organized.

Of particular help was the idea that caring for yourself and your house was a way to honor God, not just be selfish or inhospitable. I appreciate her taking on hustle culture and putting our own sanity in top priority.

For points against, I would have liked a good deal more in the study of scripture and character. She did take Isiah 32:18 out of context, which is not uncommon, but it's a promise to Israel in exile, not us personally. I would also have enjoyed as well as ideas on how to approach conflict that rises out of the changes we make to help ourselves. (She has a large YouTube channel that covers these in more detail, so it's a mild concern.)

Overall well worth the read.

[Hillary Baden · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is jam packed with super practical, helpful advice for mamas who feel like they’ve lost all the joy in motherhood! Each chapter ends with thought provoking questions to help apply what you’ve just read. Rachel writes out of her own experience and her honesty is refreshing. I related to so much of what she wrote and it reminded me of how God has created us to live in community…encouraging and helping each other, sharing life together and pointing one another to Christ along the way.
Rachel frequently uses Scripture to back up her writing and so clearly reminds us how much we need God on our motherhood journey. Highly recommend to all mamas, in any stage of life!
*I received a free digital copy of this book through NetGalley in exchange for my honest review

[Magee Page-Stokes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book is like chatting with a good friend who totally understands what you're going through. Not only does she affirm you, but Rachel also provides such SIMPLE and practical helps that can take all the edge off from the daily grind of mothering. Because of reading this book, I started building healthy habits and holding boundaries on what is really important to me, which has made me less of a tyrant to my children. Because I've come to understand myself more, I am so much more compassionate and invested in my children personally. Grace with yourself begets grace to others. Thanks for your wisdoms and wit, Rachel!

[Genevieve · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a total “God shot.” One story after another reflecting my attitude and struggles being a mom. The author is even quoting from books I’ve read recently!

This is not exactly a self-help book. It’s more of a workbook to get us thinking about boundaries that will make our lives more fulfilling. I love how she adds Bible verses and reminds us that there is not a one size fits all for being a mother.

Even if you aren’t a Christian, this book is worthwhile. She has such a great sense of humor. I want to add quotes in this review so badly, but then I’d spoil it for you. ;-)

This is a book that makes me want to hang out with the author.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book with excellent insight. As a mom of young teenagers, I think that I could’ve taken a lot more away from this while they were younger. Remembering back to the days when my kids were young, many of these ideas would’ve been so refreshing and helpful early on. I still really enjoyed the book and found it to be filled with good reminders. There were probably about 15 pages that I bookmarked and I do think that it would’ve been helpful for me to take the time to fill out the questionnaire at the end of the chapters.

If you are in a tough season or could really use some encouragement, this book is definitely for you.

[Casie Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book!!! It just speaks to the heart of moms everywhere.
I started out utilizing her blog when I brought my first baby home. Her blog helped me feel normal about so many things that were suddenly so hard as a new mom. Now having 2 kids I am back to constantly searching her blog.
But, despite being in her blog frequently, I rarely read her mom to mom advice, why would I make time for that? So, sitting down and reading this book has challenged me and encouraged me to find those little moments in my day for me, knowing if I care for me I'll love my kiddos better.

[Zareen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a necessary, perspective-shifting guide for any mom who absolutely adores her kids, wants so much to be the best mom she can be, exerts herself fully trying to do so, perpetually feels like she’s falling short, all the whole slowly increasing in exhaustion, frustration, even entering on resentment (although she’s not entirely sure towards whom), who knows that she could be doing better/wiser but just doesn’t know where to begin and probably isn’t showering as often as she’d like to. Filled with nuggets to live by. Highly recommend.

[Kristi Kinasz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this book to any mom that loves the job of motherhood but feels stuck or overwhelmed by the work. While reading this I felt empowered to do the work well and to also enjoy it. I realized I have power to change the things in my control and this allows me to release the things that aren't. It's a very practical book. I hate when books are fluffy and say things like "take control of your life!" without any action. Rachel gives incredibly practical and clear steps to help you change your home life.

[Karisse Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Rachel's blog, A Mother Far From Home, and really appreciate her friendly, straightforward approach on her blog and in this book. In reading her writings I feel seen and have received insight into the various struggles I've encountered in life and motherhood and very practical solutions to bring an end to the cycles of anger, frustration, and overwhelm. If you've felt like you needed a friend to come alongside and speak some grace and truth into your life, this is the book you need.

[Amber Lofgren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been blessed by "A Mother Far From Home" whom I originally found when looking for some particular parenting advice that was down to Earth and manageable! After reading this book, navigating the ups and downs of parenthood has been way easier -- the stories remind me to give myself some grace when life seems hard. I greatly appreciate all the solid advice and encouragement throughout! Thank you Rachel!

[Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great practical book that discusses and offers strategies for how moms can use boundaries and reasonable expectations as self-care. I started reading the author's website last year when our first foster kiddo moved in with us; and I have found her writing and expertise to be useful, realistic, and encouraging!

I also appreciate the reflective journaling questions she offers at the end of each chapter, and can see this being a resource I use over and over.

[Jessica Villmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m loving this practical guide to “momming” at your own pace and not that of the worlds expectations. I love the authors take on the idea that family health is not solely based on the happiness of the children in it. I also love how often she reiterates that parenting is not a one size fits all and each child/parent has to adjust accordingly.

[Haley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sometimes the solutions to our problems are much simpler than we realize. If motherhood has you frazzled and stressed, I highly recommend this book! Rachel’s practical and easily applicable advice to put boundaries in place that will save your sanity was refreshing! This is a quick read full of insightful takeaways!

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is more like a 3.5. There are some great tidbits. There are also a lot of things I disagree with. I’m team pay kids to do chores. How else will they learn the value of money?! If they can’t earn money prior to getting a job, how can they learn the value of saving, spending, budgeting?! How do they earn money for things they want prior to being old enough to get a job?!

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read her blogs, followed her on social media, bought her family routines plan, listened to her podcast, and now read her book. Rachel’s common sense parenting strategies and philosophy towards mothers self care keeps me coming back to her materials. The book had actionable items and comfort for the soul. It met all my expectations.

[Michelle Justice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rachel's book is Amazing! I love how she gives real life stories and examples of her advice. Rachel is insightful and understands mom life. It was a great relief when I first stumbled upon her emails and YouTube videos. And now I get to read her awesome book. Thank you Rachel for all of your help.

[Haley Chambers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one every mother should read. Rachel gives you practical advice and real life examples that will help you better your life and your families lives. This is a book you will want to read again and again. If your an overwhelmed mama, read this book!