Permission to Come Home: Reclaiming Mental Health as Asian Americans

by Jenny Wang

Strengthen your sense of well-being and embrace empowering new approaches with this invaluable investigation into mental health in the Asian American community. Asian Americans are experiencing a racial reckoning regarding their identity, inspiring them to radically reconsider the cultural frameworks that enabled their assimilation into American culture. As Asian Americans investigate the personal and societal effects of longstanding cultural narratives suggesting they take up as little space as possible, their mental health becomes critically important. Yet despite the fact that over 18 million people of Asian descent live in the United States today—they are the racial group least likely to seek out mental health services. Permission to Come Home takes Asian Americans on an empowering journey toward reclaiming their mental health. Weaving her personal narrative as a Taiwanese American together with her insights as a clinician and evidence-based tools, Dr. Jenny T. Wang explores a range of life areas that call for attention, offering readers the permission to question, feel, rage, say no, take up space, choose, play, fail, and grieve. Above all, she offers permission to return closer to home, a place of acceptance, belonging, healing, and freedom. For Asian Americans and Diaspora, this book is a necessary road map for the journey to wholeness.  “Dr. Jenny T. Wang has been an incredible resource for Asian mental health. I believe that her knowledge, presence, and activism for mental health in the Asian American/Immigrant community have been invaluable and groundbreaking. I am so very grateful that she exists.”—Steven Yeun,  actor, The Walking Dead and Minari .

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Mental Health, Psychology, Asian American, Aapi, Audiobook

282 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 3, 2022

About the author

Dr. Jenny Wang is a Taiwanese American clinical psychologist and national speaker on Asian American mental health and racial trauma in Asian American, BIPOC, and immigrant communities. Her work focuses on the intersection of Asian American identity, mental health, and social justice. She is the founder of the @asiansformentalhealth Instagram community, in which she discusses the unique experiences of Asian diaspora and immigrant communities. She spearheaded the Asian, Pacific Islander, and South Asian American Therapist Directory and its companion Canadian directory to help Asians seek culturally-reverent mental health providers.

Reviews

[Danielle Espinosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Permission to Come Home is unlike any “self-help” book that I’ve read, not only because it is one of the firsts that I’ve read specifically targeted toward Asian Americans wanting to explore their mental health, but because of the compassionate, tender relationship between the author and the reader. This book reads like a long walk with a wise but comforting companion, as Wang not only guides you through various exercises of introspection and self-exploration but also includes her own personal experiences through thoughtful self-disclosure. Although she challenges the reader to reflect on the more harmful aspects of AAPI culture, it is done with nuance and respect for how these values may have helped our ancestors survive, but perhaps no longer serve those of us in later generations. Though this book challenged some harmful yet deeply-rooted beliefs, I nevertheless felt supported and encouraged throughout the entire reading process.

The book is divided into ten sections, each one offering you permission to explore the various aspects of Asian American culture in all its nuances and complexities. Examples include Permission to Take Up Space, Permission to Fail, and Permission to Say No. In each section, Wang invites you to reflect on how society, culture, and family influenced your upbringing, values, and relationships with others and yourself. Each section includes little “rest stops” that invite the reader to take a moment of introspection to reflect on how various cultural values and lessons serve you (or not.)

I am so happy and thankful this book exists as an Asian American therapist; this book has been long-needed and I am beyond eager to share it with all of my clients, colleagues, friends, and family. Permission to Come Home is a triumph and I am so thankful and in awe of Dr. Jenny Wang for sharing her knowledge, heart, and vulnerability with the world.

**Note that while I did receive an advanced copy, I was not paid to review or promote this book. All opinions are genuinely my own and I genuinely adore this book!

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh this was hard to read, especially the chapter on grief. I miss my parents and grandparents so much…

Book itself was easy to read in that the information was a lot of common sense to me, but also because it represented a lot of who I am too. My therapist is Latina. I chose her because she could at least understand some of what it’s like to be in an immigrant family, but yeah, I do wish she could’ve been Asian because, and especially after reading this book, I believe the shared commonalities we have would help me further.

Problem is that mental health is so unspoken about in my culture that it’s really hard to find one. So I was surprised to find this book and even more surprised to learn she practices in Houston. Too bad she doesn’t that insurance, but still grateful I have a therapist I trust and grateful she's available to people who can afford her.

[Emma Ito · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like this may have fundamentally changed the way that I approach things; this book has helped me to see the importance of values-based living; "With goals-based living, you ignore all the parts of yourself that do not directly help you reach that specific goal. You work long hours. You ignore important relationships. You keep making excuses instead of taking care of your mind and body. You just keep telling yourself to keep hustling because you can rest when you get your goal, except you never do." - Anyone else feeling called out 🥲 heh, but in contrast, values-based living means you focus solely on your set of core values and "is much less concerned about the outcomes that are produced or achieved, but instead focuses on whether we are living true to the values that define who we are." I know this may sound a little woo-woo, but it's really helped give me perspective. & for me, this interweaves with how we live in a capitalist, ableist, society that pushes us towards the goal setting & hustling, rather than values-based living.

Filled with chapters that include "Permission to Rage," "Permission to Say No," "Permission to Take Up Space," and more, I feel myself truly connecting & resonating with the words within these pages. I'm grateful this book exists & that it has allowed me the space to unpack.

[Vanessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so grateful this book exists in the world. There are things that I still struggle to articulate, as someone who has been working on their mental health for years now, that Jenny Wang breaks down in this text. This is unlike any self-help book I've ever read, and I felt very seen.

Feelings aside, this is a great read for any Asian diaspora who has needed a reason (or permission, in this case) to pursue their mental health or someone who perhaps feels stuck in their mental health journey. There are many guiding questions and opportunities to explore formative experiences and unconventional childhoods without blaming immigrant parents who were likely trying their best.

Would recommend it.

[Sharlene · Rating 5 out of 5]

what a read and self-discovery. i’ll be going back to this book as reference to remind myself of the personal journey that is messy, triggering and hard. through constant self-reflection and the questions that jenny has laid out, she provides compassion and grace to unpack the engrained feelings and behaviors embedded from being a child of asian immigrant parents.

[daemyra, the realm's delight · Rating 5 out of 5]

One time I made the mistake of automatically buying a book from a person with a large social media following. I respected their opinions. They were an expert. I had attended a Zoom workshop with them. Because I did all of these things, I did not vet the book carefully. The book was, unfortunately, a cash grab and it made me extremely cautious of auto-buying books from people, even if they are experts with credentials and experience, because they have large followings.

I am pleased to report that Jenny Wang's book is one of the books I have read by a popular social media person that is an actual book rather than blog posts cobbled together, or text that is reliant of the design of the book to carry the weight.

Wang has a popular IG community and when she announced her book, I was quite excited. Bought the book in 2021 and ta-da, I'm finished!

It is a healing book for diasporic communities. I felt so seen. Overall, I liked how Wang organized her teachings. Some new things I learned: Friend as a trigger response. I also enjoyed her chapter on Rage. What felt particularly resonant and made me feel weepy was her recounting her mother's relationship to her own mother. The abusive dynamics but also how her mom broke the cycle for her. That was such a beautiful moment.

If you are interested in therapy, psychology, or self-help, what is of value is how Wang uses concepts and approaches it from her perspective. It's not going to be new but the way she describes them or uses it, is.

[Kathryn Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Permission to Come Home is an invitation to question, feel, take up space, grieve, PLAY, and to come home. This book gently challenges and encourages readers via “rest stops” to reflect on how their own cultural and background has influenced their ways of thinking and feeling.

This book beautifully captures so many topics that I have explored and processed with myself and my own clients. This is such a great resource for the AAPI community, and I am so thrilled that I can add another AAPI mental health book to my shelf.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

So brutal to read at times (it was triggering re: abusive Asian parenting techniques), but absolutely necessary.

[Tiffany L. · Rating 3 out of 5]

As someone who has been interested in mental health for many years, I acknowledge that this book is very comprehensive in covering many different topics of self exploration. In particular, I think it is incredibly helpful in opening up conversation for Asian-American families, who historically have had a lot of stigma towards talking about subjects of boundaries, grief, and guilt.

Dr. Wang answers a lot of questions as they came up, often in the immediately next paragraph. I appreciate her thorough account, her life experiences, and the various steps in her life that she pulls anecdotes from. They are very powerful. I think chapter five and six are her strongest chapters (talking specifically about immigration guilt and fear of setting boundaries). The others are drawn from TED talks and other popular social psychologists.

I wish that this book centered more on the Asian-American experience and it’s effects of guilt on decision making, which was the subject that really drew me in. The other chapters felt more generic and unfocused in comparison, especially the chapter on guilt (which is a very heavy topic that felt squeezed in). Also, I would’ve liked it more if it wasn’t in a self help format with exercises and rest stops, but that is my personal preference. Overall, still a great book on mental health and conversations starter for those wanting to learn more emotional literacy.

[Thanhnguyen926gmail.Com · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an Asian American therapist myself, I couldn’t be happier to see this book. There’s been a dearth of research and writing in this area in my experience and this book does a concise introduction for individuals exploring issues prevalent within the community. I wouldn’t be doing my due diligence if I said it’s comprehensive because Asian isn’t a monolith by any means, but this book has breadth for a general introduction. I recommend for the casual reader and practitioners alike, there’s bound to be something in there for you:)

Please note, I was sent an ARC to review.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

thank God someone wrote this!! now someone write a better one

- focus on parallelism/thematic elements sometimes took away from more poignant or impactful points
- tendency to go abstract, whereas concrete examples (albeit personal) were much more powerful

[Jas · Rating 4 out of 5]

i think the scope of this book is pretty beginner-friendly and i would recommend to asian american clients or peers in earlier stages of unlearning mental health stigma or of engaging with emotional health and racial identity development

[Jillian · Rating 5 out of 5]

the most relatable book i've read yet. AMAZING

[Mikaela (meekuhehla on Storygraph) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Note: I received an ARC to review. While none of the information has been really new to me, it provided language to the different layers that impact my experiences as the child of Asian immigrants - some of which I have struggled to name in my own healing journey. I felt really seen and understood as I read through these chapters. I'm excited to explore some of the themes discussed in this book (such as grief, boundaries, etc.) with my own Asian clients, and to recommend it to my colleagues who are seeking to better understand this specific population and our varying cultural experiences.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Sometimes we believe that the things we are searching for happen only when we are striving for them. Instead, sometimes those things are right in front of us, but we cannot see them because we are so distracted by the striving itself”

During a work from home day lunch, Nate and I checked out a bookstore we hadn’t been to before -- Book Thug Nation. In front, there was a $1 book cart where “Permission to Come Home” caught my eye. Since it was only a dollar, I grabbed it and went to check out. An hour later, I opened the book at a coffee shop we were working at an it truly felt like I was reading into a mirror of my own life. Jenny Wang outlines the exact obstacle and dilemmas I am currently and have been dealing with for as long as I can remember as an Asian American and daughter of immigrants.

I think that therapy and metal health are slightly taboo topics in the Asian community, so stumbling upon this book that is directly targeted for Asian Americans and how to deal with the mental health problems we deal with felt like a gift from the universe.

I strongly, strongly recommend each and every Asian American read this book. Even if you think it doesn’t apply directly to you, the lessons and teachings laid out in this book definitely apply to someone in your family, a friend, etc. to help you better understand them, what they are going through, and what is going on in their mind. Reading this helped me better understand not only myself, but my family, and the dynamics we have.

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Note on social media/oversharing –
“play becomes a way for us to showcase our lives and compare ourselves to others. When we focus more on the documentation of play over the act of play and rest, we lost some of the point”
“whenever I feel the urge to look at my phone when I’m out with others …. I have to ask myself, ‘If I didn’t take a picture or video of this moment, would I still enjoy it?’”

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Third space
“It is within this third space that we experience known and unknown losses as children of immigrants –
it’s not just a loss of people or places, but of experiences, memories, and a life we could have lived had we not made our immigration journey. We grieve the life that could have been, in which we could be more grounded and rooted in our ancestry.”
Losses don’t diminish with time, but can actual amplify as life progresses
Constantly reminded that our home isn’t a place on the map, but a place we create ourselves for ourselves

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“internalized racism caused me to run from my cultural heritage for much of my youth. Believing my ‘asian-ness’ was somehow second class, something embarrassing”

“we may spend our lives searching for secure base in others – but be unable to recognize what a secure base look like.
We may date or marry partners who reinforce our not good enough narrative, instead of offering us the love and safety we so desperately seek.
We may feel panicked if we are without a companion because being alone activates our abandonment fear and triggers the stories that we are not worthy of love.”

[Fiona Ngo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Took me wayyyy too long to finish this book. At first I thought it was just me, but then I realized that it was because of the many “rest stops.” I personally am not a fan of the “rest stops” because it steered me away from the content of the book. However, they could be seen as an accessible mental health resource that allows readers to reflect on themselves. The questions given by clinical psychologist, Jenny T. Wang, were carefully curated after working with many Asian American clients. This book can be a good first step if you are unsure about whether or not you want to start your therapy journey. Though these questions can be helpful, I was expecting the book to be more informative and educational rather than structured like a workbook.

Wang is incredibly vulnerable throughout the book, and I’m deeply grateful for Chapter 9: Permission to Grieve. I also thought that she provided amazing examples of different experiences of Asian Americans and how she acknowledges how there is no “cookie-cutter” Asian American experience. Lastly, I thought it was so cool how she cited my Asian American Studies professor, Dr. Kim! It was a pleasant surprise and it felt amazing knowing my professor’s work is making an impact both at UC Irvine and on Asian American mental health.

[jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

this was a very good “so you think you graduated DBT” session. I read this on the same plane ride that I watched elemental so was having a super thematically conserved flight lmao

there is lots at the intersection of mental health // viewing the self // asian america that I think would be lovely to explore anew and more fully (esther if u r reading this I think u should write that book :)) but maybe I felt this bullet pointed but did not provide new language or insight into,, or read a bit like an instagram mental health slide deck. but sometimes it’s good to name the thing, and this was a prolonged (albeit important!) naming <3

[Casey · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mom has been trying to get me to read this book after she read it and it (as she said) changed her life. It was a really lovely book that I didn’t always fit with my experience just because I’m a fourth gen Asian American but when it resonated it really shook me. I will definitely return to this book and it’s many helpful chapters as an emotionally grounding force that reminds me of all the things I am allowed to give myself. ✨🤲🏼❣️

[Adam He · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really connected with parts of the book. Challenged my thoughts on what is “normal” for me just because it was how I was raised. I wouldn’t even know I needed to challenge these beliefs because I didn’t even think these were things to challenge. At times, it felt over generalized; however, that seems unavoidable with a book trying to cover all Asian cultures. Would love to have a non-Asian friend read this book and see if they connect with the content.

[Janelle Hopkins · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wang’s strongest section was chapter 10 about home being any place or person in which we find authenticity, belonging, and peace. I would have liked more details of her personal life experiences that show her resiliency. This book is most relatable for Asian Americans who are first generation American-born with immigrant parents.

[Jenny Xu · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book surprised me! I didn’t think I’d relate since I have very loving parents and supportive family, and I found myself re-reading and thinking about the sections on failure, play, and definition of home. Would recommend to any child of immigrant families, and I bought a physical copy myself after listening to the audio book.

[Tien · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brought up a lot of feelings

[Esther · Rating 5 out of 5]

A new, top tier feeling—choosing a great book for book club

[Seri · Rating 4 out of 5]

*3.6

[Sejal · Rating 5 out of 5]

therapy in book form. truly the best self-help I’ve ever read it’s like she was in my head so healing and amazing. she covers everything!

[Lynne · Rating 4 out of 5]

With the rise of violence and ongoing hate crimes towards those who are Asian, it goes without saying that the past couple of years have been a time of great distress for many Asian Americans and I would like to add Asian Canadians. This is further exacerbated by the fact that we are all currently living in a global pandemic. Fortunately, people are now more than ever open to talking about their mental health and mental health in general. This unexpectedly makes the timing perfect for a book like Dr. Jenny Wang’s Permission to Come Home to be released...

Read my full review here.

[Audrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to the audiobook while I was sick with the flu, and I'm glad I'm not alone. I'm glad there's someone else out there who is also thinking about the topic of identity as an Asian American. I think the conclusion is probably as good as I could have hoped. Home is not a place or a person but a space that we create for ourselves. A personal space we can call our own, where we can be authentic, genuine, safe, secure, and at peace.

[Saivani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Will be coming back to this often

[Vincent Tran · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice book, but basic, nothing that special so far tbh. Quite generic.

[Robbin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished reading it but I know I'll be cracking this book open again from time to time to check in with myself and answer some of those questions. It'll be interesting to read over time.

I also cried a lot while reading this extremely cathartic book. Ouch. But okay, like, I gotta go through it, I feel ya. I'm grateful that this book was published. ❤️