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My Pinup
In this brilliant two-part memoir, the Pulitzer Prize–winning writer Hilton Als distills into one cocktail the deep and potent complexities of love and of loss, of Prince and of power, of desire and of race. It’s delicious and it’s got the kick of a mule, especially as Als swirls into his mix the downtown queer nightclub scene, the AIDS crisis, Prince’s ass in his tight little pants, an ill-fated peach pie, Dorothy Parker, and his desire for true love. Always surprising and stealthily—even painfully—moving, Als plumbs longing: “I inched closer to him as he danced to you, Prince. But already he was you, Prince, in my mind. He had the same coloring, and the same loneliness I wanted to fill with my admiration. I couldn’t love him enough. We were colored boys together. There is not enough of that in the world, Prince—but you know that. Still, when other people see that kind of fraternity they want to kill it. But we were so committed to each other, we never could work out what that violence meant. There was so much love between us. Why didn’t anyone want us to share it?”
48 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2022
13 people are currently reading
1531 people want to read
About the author
Hilton Als
93 books275 followersHilton Als is an American writer and theater critic who writes for The New Yorker magazine. Previously, he had been a staff writer for The Village Voice and editor-at-large at Vibe magazine.
His 1996 book The Women focuses on his mother, who raised him in Brooklyn, Dorothy Dean, and Owen Dodson, who was a mentor and lover of Als. In the book, Als explores his identification of the confluence of his ethnicity, gender and sexuality, moving from identifying as a "Negress" and then an "Auntie Man", a Barbadian term for homosexuals.
Als's 2013 book 'White Girls' continued to explore race, gender, identity in a series of essays about everything from the AIDS epidemic to Richard Pryor's life and work.
In 2000, Als received a Guggenheim fellowship for creative writing and the 2002–03 George Jean Nathan Award for Dramatic Criticism. In 2004 he won the Berlin Prize of the American Academy in Berlin, which provided him half a year of free working and studying in Berlin.
Als has taught at Smith College, Wesleyan, and Yale University, and his work has also appeared in The Nation, The Believer, and the New York Review of Books.
His 1996 book The Women focuses on his mother, who raised him in Brooklyn, Dorothy Dean, and Owen Dodson, who was a mentor and lover of Als. In the book, Als explores his identification of the confluence of his ethnicity, gender and sexuality, moving from identifying as a "Negress" and then an "Auntie Man", a Barbadian term for homosexuals.
Als's 2013 book 'White Girls' continued to explore race, gender, identity in a series of essays about everything from the AIDS epidemic to Richard Pryor's life and work.
In 2000, Als received a Guggenheim fellowship for creative writing and the 2002–03 George Jean Nathan Award for Dramatic Criticism. In 2004 he won the Berlin Prize of the American Academy in Berlin, which provided him half a year of free working and studying in Berlin.
Als has taught at Smith College, Wesleyan, and Yale University, and his work has also appeared in The Nation, The Believer, and the New York Review of Books.
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December 20, 2022i just think that there isn’t anything better than being gay.
November 3, 2022
I wouldn't ordinarily presume to criticize a writer whose reviews I have read with such pleasure for so many years, but I feel the need to account for, if only to myself, my disappointment with this essay. Part of that disappointment comes from an unwarranted assumption on my part that this would be a book of similar scope and depth as Margo Jefferson's Michael Jackson. Als has attempted something much more intimate here, but his self disclosure doesn't go far enough, doesn't really let the reader get close enough to either Als, Prince, or his music (which is drably evoked here by quoting his lyrics, the least interesting aspect of Prince's music). I finished feeling that it must be difficult to wish you were the girlfriend of someone who is looking for a surrogate father, but I think there is a more important story buried in this one, one that risks what Als really wants to tell us. I'll keep waiting for that book.
April 20, 2023
What the heck was that?! I'm not a Prince partisan, but I was prepared to give this a fair chance.
Week in and week out, my favorite part of The New Yorker is the artist profile features. Even if I don't care anything for the particular output created, I'm almost always fascinated by the interplay between process and personality that The New Yorker typically brings out. I remember some of that when Prince died.
Hilton Als writes for The New Yorker, but he didn't seem to have that hat (Is it an old-school journalist's Fedora or an upscale New Yorker top hat?) on for this one. It was his own processing, rather than Prince's process, he wanted to put on paper. Okay, but not for me.
Week in and week out, my favorite part of The New Yorker is the artist profile features. Even if I don't care anything for the particular output created, I'm almost always fascinated by the interplay between process and personality that The New Yorker typically brings out. I remember some of that when Prince died.
Hilton Als writes for The New Yorker, but he didn't seem to have that hat (Is it an old-school journalist's Fedora or an upscale New Yorker top hat?) on for this one. It was his own processing, rather than Prince's process, he wanted to put on paper. Okay, but not for me.
September 21, 2023
This is such an incredibly curious two-part essay on, yes, Als on Prince—but also the so-much-more behind and beyond that fascination. Maybe I'd just describe it as strange and wonderful in the way that love, or at least infatuation and wanting to be loved or even to be absorbed by someone, and if you're lucky, being self-reflective about it, often is.
January 10, 2023
This essay, about the writer's relationship with Prince (Als is a fan of the music, but also interviewed him and almost worked with Prince on writing a book) and a romantic relationship that he sees as maybe being a relationship from a Prince song (though it never achieved that, this is what Als wants) is smart and savvy, layered from all these personal and cultural notes whipped together into a strange froth unlike any other writer I can think of.
To me, Als praxis, that layering of elements, is so idiosyncratic that I loved it in White Girls, but there, I think the length helped, to get down his rhythms and moves. Here, being shorter, I don't know that I fully got what Als was saying. But I still really liked it.
To me, Als praxis, that layering of elements, is so idiosyncratic that I loved it in White Girls, but there, I think the length helped, to get down his rhythms and moves. Here, being shorter, I don't know that I fully got what Als was saying. But I still really liked it.
February 3, 2023
First off, Hilton Als has earned the right to write and publish whatever he wants. He's one of the best essayists writing and I love much of what he's writing. Having so having said that, this is a very slim book, more an erotic meditation on Prince than an engagement with the music. Would have preferred it as a part of a collection. Probably more significant within the Black queer community.
February 12, 2024
An amazing, lyrical, and dizzying homage to love, difference, and Prince. It's totally original....it reads like a disjointed dream but i was never lost in the author's train of thought. Prince, his protégé Cat, Dorothy Parker are all mixed up in this novella and author's mind. It's more of an essay than novel. Highly recommended. Hilton Als does it again!
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September 26, 2022"Als’s ambivalence toward Prince’s mutable persona propels this slim memoir about aura, authorship, and authenticity. As a young man at the turn of the ’80s, Als admired how the singer-songwriter embodied Black queerness with his bombastic androgyny and genre-bending virtuosity, and he was awed by the way Prince flouted the rules of race, gender, and sexuality to 'remake black music in his own image.' So he experienced a sense of betrayal when, for albums such as 1999 and Purple Rain, Prince took to tailored suits and poppy hooks." — Sophia Stewart
https://www.theatlantic.com/books/arc...
https://www.theatlantic.com/books/arc...
June 1, 2023
An intimate look at Prince’s legacy through Als’ personal history with his iconography and the man (?) himself.
I appreciate that My Pinup pulls Prince back into the black lens from the “universal” way he gets talked about due to genre and complexion.
It’s a worthy work on black gender. This makes sense because Als writes gender with an expert eye, though he is known for other things.
This book would probably be a five for me if Als had approached this book about gender, sexuality, and the complexities therein with other black philosophers of gender.
It doesn’t, which poses some…trans problems, but too few to undermine the meat of the book.
Some will say the book could have been longer but just chase it with White Girls. The works are of a piece.
I appreciate that My Pinup pulls Prince back into the black lens from the “universal” way he gets talked about due to genre and complexion.
It’s a worthy work on black gender. This makes sense because Als writes gender with an expert eye, though he is known for other things.
This book would probably be a five for me if Als had approached this book about gender, sexuality, and the complexities therein with other black philosophers of gender.
It doesn’t, which poses some…trans problems, but too few to undermine the meat of the book.
Some will say the book could have been longer but just chase it with White Girls. The works are of a piece.
January 2, 2023
this was less than 50 pages and i sped through it. i missed reading the essay form and i liked how fluid this was, going from fact (and almost biography) to the recount of a lived experience, to internal thought and emotion and flash back and forward. maybe i’m just not a prince fan or never experienced race relations in the american context but it didn’t resonate w me as much as i thought it would, though i can’t complain too much bc it’s so short i had no time to get bored LOL my favourite part was arguably the last like 10 pages, v tightly written
February 21, 2023
Would have Loved if this was actually a book and not an outline for a first draft sketch of an idea that could maybe turn into a book one day formatted to appear like an essay. None of the dancing Als flings himself into lands, it dribbles out of memory as the next Device flags your attention. He can write a sentence and he can use the word tr*nny a lot for 40 pages. Boo
April 16, 2024
This tiny book is basically a bonus chapter to Hilton Als' White Girls. Only a writer like Als can transform the pop into the personal through such carefully mined detail and artfully executed prose. It is utterly masterful.
June 21, 2025
Hilton Als is a perfect writer and ppl do not talk about that enough
January 22, 2023
A essay which feels both biographical and autobiographical — not a history of Prince but a personal history of Prince. Beautiful, and cracks open into heartbreak in the end, a bit. More like this, please. My first Hilton Als but not my last!
February 25, 2024
After reading a couple ill-informed, ill-thought (if-thought) reviews on here for this slender memoir, my vigor for Goodreads is waning. It's autobiography, folks; it's not a biography of Prince or any specific experience, album, song or writing process he had. Not for you? If it's so taxing for you, then just shut up and find a different 46 pages to read instead of leaving an insipid, low-star review.
This little jam of "a paean to Prince" (its subtitle) got me thinking and feeling in major keys. From the solo music of Durand Jones to serpentwithfeet to this music-laced memoir, from James Baldwin to Saeed Jones to Brandon Taylor, I have been focusing a lot in the last many months on the Black male/queer experience. That was unwitting until pondering this book, but I am indebted to them for having my perspective broadened by learning about the depth of Black queer joy and pain. Often it's joyful pain. One can hear or read it in the voice of each of these and others who give us so many gifts in words and melodies.
This relative pamphlet-essay begins with a truly cringe-inducing dissection of an extended joke delivered live by Jamie Foxx, on a 2002 standup-comedy special, about Prince's presence, his aura and effeminate ways. Dear reader, it sucks. Jamie Foxx sucks.
Prince's ways of shifting as needed in the culture and in business, code-switching his Blackness and queerness at times to be more palatable to the most mainstream (white) audiences of the time is something that Hilton Als, who interviewed Prince and observed him a lot over time, addresses at length here. With emotional and skillful abandon, he rather deftly parlays The Purple One's ways into an autobiographical requiem for a relationship he himself had, with the dance floor and with a man, that went south in the AIDS era.
These four dozen pages are illuminating, challenging and compelling. Thanks to Hilton Als. Thanks to Prince (who could be a lot to work with or know; just read Sinead O'Connor's memoir for that chapter, oof), and thanks to all the folx aforementioned here. I will keep studying and listening. I will find more such voices and learn from them, too.
This little jam of "a paean to Prince" (its subtitle) got me thinking and feeling in major keys. From the solo music of Durand Jones to serpentwithfeet to this music-laced memoir, from James Baldwin to Saeed Jones to Brandon Taylor, I have been focusing a lot in the last many months on the Black male/queer experience. That was unwitting until pondering this book, but I am indebted to them for having my perspective broadened by learning about the depth of Black queer joy and pain. Often it's joyful pain. One can hear or read it in the voice of each of these and others who give us so many gifts in words and melodies.
This relative pamphlet-essay begins with a truly cringe-inducing dissection of an extended joke delivered live by Jamie Foxx, on a 2002 standup-comedy special, about Prince's presence, his aura and effeminate ways. Dear reader, it sucks. Jamie Foxx sucks.
Prince's ways of shifting as needed in the culture and in business, code-switching his Blackness and queerness at times to be more palatable to the most mainstream (white) audiences of the time is something that Hilton Als, who interviewed Prince and observed him a lot over time, addresses at length here. With emotional and skillful abandon, he rather deftly parlays The Purple One's ways into an autobiographical requiem for a relationship he himself had, with the dance floor and with a man, that went south in the AIDS era.
These four dozen pages are illuminating, challenging and compelling. Thanks to Hilton Als. Thanks to Prince (who could be a lot to work with or know; just read Sinead O'Connor's memoir for that chapter, oof), and thanks to all the folx aforementioned here. I will keep studying and listening. I will find more such voices and learn from them, too.
March 19, 2023
As a writer who came into his own thanks to 'zines, I'm highly in favor of the mini-book so this essay-as-dime-store-paperback immediately caught my eye, even if my own history with the late Prince is restricted to the movie "Purple Rain," a handful of top 40 hits, and sundry video interviews. Which isn't to imply he doesn't loom large for me. Prince is an inescapable cultural force, a rock world sex symbol of near-universal appeal, a 20th century icon. Because of that, there was never a moment for me, while reading "My Pinup," that I didn't understand Als' fascination, his criticism, his adulation, his disappointment, his desire. Pop musicians are repositories for our fantasies, and we measure them against our idealized visions of who we want them to be -- thereby revealing our identity as much as theirs. For Als, Prince leads to examinations of racism, colorism, gender fluidity, queerness, and yes those big words Lust and Love. An electric interview with the Purple Paisley God (as Sandra Bernhard dubbed him) sends Als to reflections on his own synchronous romantic interludes. Art and Life become inextricably intertwined. As they should be. As it is.
December 16, 2022
Prince is a projection. He offered us, at least early on, deep ambiguity, places for so many to connect a fantasy. Hilton Als was not immune. He transposed Prince on to unrequited love objects, conflating them with the man in purple and pants with butt cut outs. Prince's ass is legendary. But Als actually met the man in a professional capacity, though it isn't easy to remain professional in the proximity of such a legend. This short, fragmented essay is a refraction, glints off of diamonds (and pearls), and Lovesexy-ness. There is love, corporate resistance, Dorothy Parker correctives, Prince as a Jehovah's witness recruiter, and slippery identity. The scale of this book is odd--it would make sense as an inclusion in an essay collection, but as a stand alone volume, it is essentially a chapbook, a stocking stuffer, briefly wistful, something easily squeezed into a tight bookshelf, lost between other volumes.
April 23, 2025
Had to put this back on the shelf at the bookstore instead of immediately snatching it up since I'd already blew through my meager Powell's City of Books allowance when I spotted this little magical gem. But the little bit I read is enough to give it five stars and know that it's worth buying.
Everything Hilton Als writes or says is such a synthesized super-connected wide-open super-smartly witnessed and intricately-observed and heartfelt love letter. My introduction to Hilton Als was via a film podcast with him as a guest interviewer of Lily Tomlin; his level of discussion and contribution and love in that was so many skyscraper-levels deeper, more expansive, and more enthusiastic than the average conversation on such shows that he made a huge impression on me. It's like everything he writes or says or posts is // more gushing to be posted later / need more words and time to try to tribute Als/note how wonderful he is
Everything Hilton Als writes or says is such a synthesized super-connected wide-open super-smartly witnessed and intricately-observed and heartfelt love letter. My introduction to Hilton Als was via a film podcast with him as a guest interviewer of Lily Tomlin; his level of discussion and contribution and love in that was so many skyscraper-levels deeper, more expansive, and more enthusiastic than the average conversation on such shows that he made a huge impression on me. It's like everything he writes or says or posts is // more gushing to be posted later / need more words and time to try to tribute Als/note how wonderful he is
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July 17, 2024“So until I met him, I saw Prince only through other people—when I saw him at all. He was like a bride who had left me at the altar of difference to embrace the expected. Could my queer heart ever let any of this go, and forgive him?”
“But as with so much about Prince, there has been no explanation for his fixation. However, the color is associated with royalty, spirituality, mystery—and mourning.”
“But as with so much about Prince, there has been no explanation for his fixation. However, the color is associated with royalty, spirituality, mystery—and mourning.”
December 28, 2022
Loved the writing style — made me want to read more of Als’ work. Definitely a book very much about Prince (which I probably should’ve known) but honestly still just a great read and really interesting to consider what makes both a fanatic and a phenom — and if there really is any difference at all.
March 12, 2023
Incredible style that mixes personal memories with pop culture like no other book. This book would've easily gotten a higher rating if it was longer. The 46 pages felt short, more like an opening to an amazing memoir. But it was a refreshing book that beautifully showed black queerness with style, and elegance while having an erotic undertone.
September 18, 2023
wouldn't call it a memoir, more like an elongated essay
illuminated parts of prince's off-stage life and Als cultural commentary on it all which was so fun : D i want more
i wanted Als to dig deeper into prince's progression into becoming a jehovah witness, the way he described it sounded like prince surrendered into the arc of a mainstream artist, but what does that mean
illuminated parts of prince's off-stage life and Als cultural commentary on it all which was so fun : D i want more
i wanted Als to dig deeper into prince's progression into becoming a jehovah witness, the way he described it sounded like prince surrendered into the arc of a mainstream artist, but what does that mean
October 13, 2023
Not entirely sure what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. The middle section where the author met Prince was well written, the sections before and after that were dreamy and stream of consciousness and I couldn't follow what he was trying to say. Peach pie? Dorothy Parker? The white girl dies? I dunno. It was not at all cohesive, but at least it was short.
November 29, 2023
Basically just disappointing. This promised to be rich, given who Mr. Als is (I loved Three Women).
Note I am a HUGE Prince partisan, I'd "fight" with any fan for honor of first in line, so that factors into my reaction too. I just can't recommend anyone waste time here, even if they are a Prince "completist."
Note I am a HUGE Prince partisan, I'd "fight" with any fan for honor of first in line, so that factors into my reaction too. I just can't recommend anyone waste time here, even if they are a Prince "completist."
December 3, 2023
Hiltonnnnnnnnn D,:
“I wanted to make him scrambled eggs, and I did. I could not make a poem out of any of it.” / “we were always watching to see who could give less. That was our erotics…I paid him back for disrupting the rhythm of our mutual pain.”
Prince quotes: “if we cannot make babies, maybe we can make some time.” / “it’s you I want to do. No, not cha body,yo mind you fool.”
“I wanted to make him scrambled eggs, and I did. I could not make a poem out of any of it.” / “we were always watching to see who could give less. That was our erotics…I paid him back for disrupting the rhythm of our mutual pain.”
Prince quotes: “if we cannot make babies, maybe we can make some time.” / “it’s you I want to do. No, not cha body,yo mind you fool.”
November 8, 2024
Huge Als fan, but I take issue with packaging this 44 page essay as a standalone "book." If you've already read his two collections of essays, this book will mostly give you the fix you are after. I just thought it wasn't as strong of an essay as some of his other works, so I'm unfairly grading on a monumental curve.
December 17, 2022
If I read this essay alone, I would have liked it, but I would have felt like there was something missing. As a stand-alone essay I would have given this 3 stars because I would have needed more. As an addendum to his essay “Tristes Tropiques” in White Girls, it gets 4 stars.
June 8, 2025
This was both cute and deep, somehow both funny and sad and very intentional. I loved this. I love Prince. This gave me a different perspective on him and what his music meant to others, and how he impacted Als, his personal experiences with Prince, and what Prince represented to him.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews