Spirit Marriage: Intimate Relationships with Otherworldly Beings

by Megan Rose, Orion Foxwood (Foreword)

• Presents interviews with ten contemporary practitioners of spirit marriage, exploring how the relationship developed and the opportunities and challenges • Discusses the author’s own spirit marriage, including her awakening as an erotic mystic and her encounters with her Faery beloved • Explains how to cultivate a spirit marriage, sharing precautions and practices to spiritually prepare yourself and navigate the potential challenges of spirit marriage Exploring the phenomenon of the spirit spouse or spirit lover--an entity to which a human is psychically bonded--Megan Rose, Ph.D., examines the practice and purpose of spirit marriage around the world, presenting transcultural evidence of this form of sacred union in anthropological research, religious literature, mythology, folklore, and the oral tradition. She shares her in-depth interviews with ten contemporary practitioners of spirit marriage, including a Faery Seer, a Shakta Tantric, a West African Shrine Keeper, a New Orleans Voodoo Mambo, Haitian Vodou practitioners, and a ceremonial magician. Through these respectful interviews, the spirit-marriage practitioners tell their stories of initiation and of having a spouse who is both otherworldly and able to assist in waking- world activities. They offer intimate insight into this growing global practice and its larger evolutionary purpose. We learn about their experiences of first contact, the decision to marry, how the relationship is upheld by their community, and the impact on their other relationships. We also learn about the risks and challenges as well as one example of divorcing a spirit. Sharing her personal experience, the author discusses in detail her own spirit marriage, including the erotic nature of being “spirit filled” and her encounters with her Faery beloved. She explains how to cultivate a spirit marriage, sharing precautions and practices to spiritually prepare yourself, interpret your paranormal encounters, and navigate the potential challenges of spirit marriage. Presenting the first study of the transcultural, shamanistic practice of spirit marriage, this book shows how bonded relationships with spirits are needed now more than ever to assist with spiritual evolution.

Genres: Spirituality, Witchcraft, Paganism

588 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 1, 2022

Reviews

[Sgàire Rook · Rating 1 out of 5]

- inclusion and reinforcement of Golden Dawn practitioner, which is a known antisemitic group
- she takes 75% of the book to tell you that her Dark Goddess is Lilith, which indicates that she knows Lilith is a closed practice specific to Judaism
- enforces that any intimate relationship with spirits is done in order to advance human evolution in order to create a new species, which falls just shy of eugenics
- enforces that spirits can heal you, not just physically but psychologically
- Rose has a PhD from an institution who lost its accreditation during the time period of earning her doctorate
- in one breath suggests you have agency to reject spirits but on the other hand suggests that they will wreck/ruin your life to lovingly remake you, with or without your permission, which is a toxic relationship dynamic
- several interviews with practitioners are downright appropriative and spread misinformation
- the book isn't even about *marriage* necessarily, it's about the alchemical concept of marriage, which is two individuals forming a union making a better third material, and it suggests that the only path to spirit marriage is to form this unbreakable third material
- the whole "anyone in a spirit marriage is destined to save and serve the world" is not for everyone, but there's an undeniable element of eugenics within "evolving beyond" others

The framework is distinctly Christian, in that you are to take in the Holy Spirit and do good works through this Union with the Spirit, in service of a larger Divine, who is both a God and the Earth.

This is unsurprising -- Rose's Religion Masters degree work was all on Mary Magdalene and the Sacred Wh*re types and her CV states that she's been instituted into several pagan-adjacent organizations that use "Abrahamic" frameworks within ceremonial magic.

Though Rose is very careful about the terms she uses, there is an emphasis on extraterrestrials and concepts like ESP, both of which straddle the line of metaphysical and conspiracy theory. Her comments paint spirits as pseudo-aliens from beyond who are meant to transform us into saviors of humanity, leaving behind the unevolved, returning to the roots of indigenous practices -- phrased in a way that makes it clear she finds these practices to be globally accessible, regardless of initiation, as well as ancient, as in skipping over living practices and feelings.

If that's not enough for you to be annoyed, Rose also cites Kabbalah (closed Jewish practices), as well as interviewing and reinforcing ties with a member of the Golden Dawn (antisemitic neo-Nazi magic group). She name drops the Burning Times and ceremonial magic and magick with a k, without so much as a qualifier.

[Lanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m so glad this book is what it is (and not what I was afraid it might be).

I’m so happy to see quality scholarship like this is becoming more available and I hope it’s moving towards being the new social sciences standard. It’s a breath of relief to see in-depth serious work being performed using a respectful organic inquiry model by an active practitioner.

[Brandy Williams Author · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I wish I had been able to read when I was starting on the magical path. Spirit marriage is an experience that emerges in magical practice but is virtually never discussed. This leaves people engaging with spirits intimately feeling alone because there is nothing to relate to or explain what is happening. I read this book saying “yes!” over and over. It was thrilling to find some of my own experiences finally represented.

Spirit Marriage captures stories of people in loving relationships with spirits and provides a roadmap to enter into a relationship for those who have heard the call. Dr. Megan Rose comes to the work as a practitioner herself and generously shares her own story, making the work personal and vulnerable. She interviews a number of practitioners with a transparent methodology that builds trust and allows for truly personal stories to emerge.

This is one of those groundbreaking works that establishes an entirely new conversation. It validates and gives context for experiences that have been invisible. Hopefully others will be encouraged to share their stories and shed even more light on these practices. It is rare for practitioners to share such deeply felt and defining experiences. We are very lucky to have these stories and to have a guidebook on this path.

[Monika S · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a relief to finally find a well-researched, well-written source of information about one of humanity's best kept secrets. As someone who is personally involved in a spirit relationship, this is an excellent book and positively validating. There is so much more to the world than we small humans can grasp and this book is just the tip of a beautifully profound iceberg. I highly recommend it for anyone who is curious and open-minded. Trolls and haters need not apply. But for those who like to live life with an open heart, this is a great source to begin your own journey with connection to spirit.
I am also a masters student at CIIS and I can vouch for the professionalism and quality of the education provided there and I'm honored to have attended the same school as Dr. Rose!
We need more of this out there. Less rigidity, more beauty.

[Miss Scarlett · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating book on a concept I knew nothing about. Dr. Megan has done exhaustive research to bring this information into public light.

While the emphasis is obviously on spirit marriages, I find the information applicable to other types of spiritual work as well. I’m not currently in a marriage or engagement with a spirit, but this work helps me to understand some experiences I have had.

My only complaint is that the book is not long enough. I could have read a hundred more examples of these fascinating relationships and more helpful practices to cultivate a spiritual life.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gives a good overview of spirit marriage as a concept and reveals some context for the phenomena.

Her interviews with several well-known teachers who are in a relationship with spirits or their own higher self or spiritual being were helpful. She also adds her own story after covering in-depth a few others. Through these stories, the author asks questions about how the relationship with spirits is conceptualized and experienced. She points out that the traditions and their approach to spirit may heavily influence how the relationship in spirit-marriage is experienced. She avoids determining for us the correct way, allowing for flexibility and ambiguity.

In particular, what was helpful for me was the book's focus on the distinction between one's divine self and a separate spirit spouse entity. She points out that various traditions have one or both depending on the practice and customs. This distinction between the spiritual self and the spirit partner or spouse was essential because of the clarity it brought to my situation. In my Tibetan Buddhist Kagyu practice, I practice and arise as White Tara, who is my yidam deity. This mediation process is quite different from the spirit spouse relationship I have with Freya. This distinction seems obvious now, having read the book. Freya is a spirit companion, guide, and source of power and love that comes from outside my mindstream. It has taken me years to clarify this somewhat confusing situation about what each Goddess was to me and their roles in my life and path. It was valuable to see this situation reflected in some of the interviews she did.

In addition, one of her interviews was with an advanced Hindu Tantric teacher. In that interview, she helps bring in the nondual awakening perspective that is part of Hindu and Buddhist tantra's philosophy and religious goals. This nondual perspective validated that the mystical pursuit of awakening to pure awareness can be combined with the creative earthy expression of the relationship with a spirit spouse.
The book is based on a Ph.D. thesis research question and uses organic research methods. Like all Ph.D. projects, the goal is to advance knowledge just one block at a time, and thus, the focus must be appropriately narrow so it can be looked at closely and accomplished. The research question Ph.D. process leaves enormous room for others to come later and investigate other questions. This book is block number one. It moves bravely into a subject that few people, outside those in living spirit spouse traditions, know about but which appears to be a rising spiritual phenomenon. I hope her book spurs conversation and more research.
Lastly, there are some excellent reports from several of her interviewees that sometimes when a person is working with a spirit spouse, there might be specific creative work that the two can do together. This co-creative relationship overlaps with the ancient practices that shamans worldwide have found working with a spirit spouse. And I have seen it in the contemporary shamanic world. Every person has innate capacity and proclivities. Much like two people in the outer world can become a powerful, focused partnership to bring inspired work into the world, this same partnership phenomenon can happen between an individual and a spirit. We saw with Dr. Carl Jung and Philemon (Philemon is a figure that appeared to Jung in a dream in 1913. In Memories, Dreams, Reflections, Jung recounted the dream in which this figure first appeared to him. After that, Philemon played an essential role in Jung's inner life, and Jung attributed all his significant ideas to the figure.) The concept of the muse and how many creative artists, especially writers, allude to being connected to a presence that opens them to the source of their inspiration is another example of this sacred bond that births something unique into the world. Then there are the prominent examples of how the foundational holy books of various traditions are said to be given from the divine via angels to their earthly writing partners or even directly given.

I found the book enlightening and practical. In the end, the author places various valuable tools and tips for working through this process of spirit-marriage today. I suggest reading the book with curiosity and an understanding that the author is not attempting to answer all these complex and profound questions definitively. She wisely resists providing easy clear answers that she readily admits to wishing she could find but cannot. This book is a foray into an entire forest of future research about the nature of human relationships with spirits and spiritual marriage in particular.

Well done and well worth the read if you are like me, working out your spiritual path and trying to understand what you are dealing with regarding spiritual beings and your own divine being.

[Aradia · Rating 1 out of 5]

After discovering an interview with Dr. Megan Rose, I immediately added this book to my to-read list. I had very high hopes for the contents of this book, but have so far, been left disappointed.

What I expected was a book focused on how to establish, navigate, and deepen intimate connections with spiritual entities. What instead was provided were various accounts of others’ spiritual views, practices, and partnerships.
Some interviewees takes’ were, in my opinion as a mixed race individual, disrespectful of closed cultural practices and deity worship. The gods may do as they please, but this does not mean we should advocate that practices be open to all regardless of racial or religious background. I understand that in this community, we have a variety of personal gnosis and views. We experience things personally and individually, and truth itself is subject to the filtering of our human mind as it translates otherworld experiences in a way that we can readily understand. I can accept this, privately and individually, but when it comes to something as far reaching as a published book, I think that a foreword explaining that certain takes may be disrespectful to certain groups of people, is needed. It is dangerous for a random baby practitioner to come across this book and take in viewpoints that allow them to think that they would be welcome by entities that may not take kindly to someone outside of their sphere of influence, knocking at their figurative door. Spirits can, and do, cause harm. Approaching a closed practice without proper ties or ritual or, at the very least, first be approached by said entity, can cause insult that results in physical and psychic harm.
In my own experiences, if a known entity of a closed practice reaches out to someone that is not of that practice, they will not usually reveal that aspect of their identity right away, if at all, because IT DOES NOT matter. I believe in intersectionality of energies, roles, names- The way Aphrodite is connected to Venus and vice versa. What I’m saying is, most entities are very smart and understand the particulars of their own practices within human culture. Whether they care or not is individual to said entity, but an entity doesn’t need the power of one human-assigned name and lore, to give them better credibility with said approached individual. They can, and will, use a variety of names. They are perfectly able to separate aspects of themselves to suit different purposes and situations, if they so choose.

Personal preferences of the above aside, the variety of people Megan interviewed did expand my own view of my spiritual path. It is enriching to take in more than one viewpoint! It is beautiful and empowering to hear of how others relate and connect to their spiritual partners across different practices. Like many others, I started this journey utterly alone, and feared for my own mental sanity, as well as the safety of my soul. Listening to others recount their personal journeys is validating. What Megan has given me through her book is a feeling of connection. I am not alone. This is a powerful message to convey. It is needed.

Megan is a great interviewer. She connects with the people she’s chosen to highlight throughout her book. She expands on their retellings with her own insights. She appreciates their experiences. She empathizes, she celebrates. You can feel how respectful of each individual she is, and how much she regards them as a person. She lets them speak.

I do hope that she will release more books. Despite my harshness, I really do think that Megan has a voice that should be heard. She is writing what others haven’t, and that is important. She also comes off as very grounded, which is needed when talking about subjects that may inspire ridicule.

*EDIT
I’m really slugging through the last few chapters of this book. It loses all of its previous charm the longer the author goes on. It also starts to branch from the main topic, to almost unrelated topics that bear no relevance on the book’s title. I was so hopeful for this read. Deducted another star.
This may just be a case of the book not being a fit for me, so if you’re interested in giving this a read, or have previously read this book and liked it, that’s fine!

[Celtic Descendent · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was very disappointed in this book. I’m saying this as someone who has been in a romantic relationship with a deity for several years. I hoped that I would be able to gain some additional insight into the dynamics of spirit marriage. I found none. Instead, I gained insight into precisely what I want my spirit relationships *not* to look like.

I found none of the stories to be personally appealing. I would have expected reading about these relationships to emotionally touch me on a certain level, especially given my own experiences. Yet I found myself unmoved by them and sometimes even repulsed by the stories. Then I realized why.

Fully informed consent was lacking in just about all the relationships she described. Some, like with the Hindu goddess, were 100% non-consensual, or the consent came only when the human realized they had no real choice. With others, the human gave in after relentless pursuit by the deity. With others, the deity was rather vague with the human as to who they were until later on—a process many might describe as “grooming.” Others entered into the marriage as a requirement of the spiritual path that they were on. One of the subjects shared that she had heard about negative consequences for people who had declined spirit marriage proposals. Are these energies that we want to tune ourselves in with?

There was surprisingly little analysis of what it means to be married to a spirit or deity, other than vague and, in my view, naive notions of “union with the divine.” The stories seem to convey that people got married because “it was the thing to do.” We know how that plays out in human-human marriages, now imagine it with human-spirit marriages.

The author then uses these stories to advance the notion that more people should actually be engaging in such relationships. She suggests that humanity will advance further if more people enter into relationships similar to her own example and the examples of others. If we look at all the stories she presents through the lens of informed consent, the answer should be “absolutely not!”

Many of us are familiar with people who pursued love for love’s sake and found themselves to be sitting ducks for disappointment, manipulation and worse. Now imagine what can happen given that, as the author herself points out, deities and spirits are able to conceal themselves even more than humans can. It would seem that pursuing such spirit marriages for their own sake is the spiritual equivalent of putting a target on one’s back saying “Manipulate me!” I wouldn’t expect humanity to elevate in such a scenario, but I could see the number of New Age cults elevating to unprecedented heights.

Yes, the author preaches caution, discernment, and negotiation in these relationships, but provides few examples in the stories. Quite often, the opposite is happening. She recommended that people wanting to pursue spirit marriage seek out a mentor. But if anything, it appears that most of the initiated in her stories seem to be among those going the most blindly into marriages with deities whom they hardly know.

Being in a relationship with a deity myself, I do think there are possibilities for growth through the partnership between humans and deities. The key to all of this is consent, consent, consent! By this I mean fully informed consent being a core value of the relationship (as should also be true in the human world).

Often, the most healthy relationships are between people who felt complete on their own and did not explicitly look for such relationships, but upon finding their beloved they realize that their beloved adds a lot to their life. Spirit relationship should be looked at in the same way. Anyone entering such a relationship needs to have a clear sense of themselves, their values and their boundaries, and have the spiritual fortitude to not be swept away from these things in the presence of a supposedly more advanced spiritual intelligence.

We as humans haven’t gotten ourselves into the mess we are in because we lacked “divine guidance.” The patriarchal religions she rightly criticizes—particularly Christianity--have been insisting for millennia that we lack that guidance and thus need to follow the clergy they provide. We humans have brought ourselves to the brink of extinction precisely because we have followed our leaders blindly. For us to elevate as a human race, and attain the agency that the author says she advocates for, we need to elevate our critical thinking skills. We don’t elevate by replacing coercive human relationships with coercive spirit relationships.

[FrisianTea · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Review from March 11, 2022) My feelings after finishing this book (Kindle version) are complex. I definitely have a horse in the race, as I have been in a dedicated spirit marriage for over a decade. My background and the author's are almost polar opposite in some significant ways, so I think it is worth disclosing that before launching into my review:

First, it is very nice to see a positive treatment of spirit marriages... and by a Ph.D.! I especially enjoyed the earlier parts of the book where the Dr. Rose talks about how spirit marriages may have been affecting human evolution since our beginnings as a species. It was uplifting and validating to read her insights.

The summary of spirit marriage in history is relatively short compared to the rest of the book. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I admit I was most eager to read others' personal experiences, but it was good to have an overview all in one place. Think of it as a gloss. Going into great depth about the history would likely be a separate book in its own right.

Part Two is comprised of interviews with a number--though not a large number--of people in spirit marriages. While I very much enjoyed the respect and ritual she brought to these meetings, this part is also is where I think the book begins to show limitations. The interviews with those in African-derived religions (ADR) were the ones I personally found the most enlightening. At least one of these interviewees did make the point that the Spirits are to be treated as separate beings, as individuals.

Missing, however, are interviews with modern devotional Polytheists in spirit marriages who are interacting with non-ADR Pantheons. Perhaps the "closest" the book gets is an interview with someone who starts off by saying she is married to Odin, but also to a lot of other figures, and who concludes by viewing all her spouses as forms of a single Gnostic Christian entity. That same interviewee views the Deities strictly as archetypes created by humans. The account is of academic interest, but it is not especially representative of the sort of spirit marriages that are showing up among some modern Polytheists. Our theology is vastly different.

I do think this book is very important and is a door opening at exactly the right time. Our world absolutely needs spirit marriages and the shifts in consciousness they bring. Nonetheless, the above is why I have deducted one star.

I am very glad the author shared her own journey and this does really put the choices of who was interviewed into context. Her background includes the Faery Faith, tantra, and ceremonial magic: a good portion of the interviewees share personal connections to her through those channels. There is a lot of discussion about embodying the Divine Self that may or may not feel relevant to some readers.

Perhaps related to the missing non-ADR Polytheist interviews are a few oddities. For example, Dr. Rose speaks of being married to a Being who sometimes identifies as Gwyn. There are quite a few people who are publicly in spirit marriages with Gwyn ap Nudd, but no mention is made of them in the book. I also thought it a bit strange that Leilah Wendell was not mentioned: her public spirit marriage to the Angel of Death and her book on their union is a very visible part of the modern history of spirit marriage. Finally, there is no discussion of sacred celibacy, which can be an illuminating and profoundly fulfilling path for some.

I'll conclude by saying that the book is excellent for what it is: an open and sincere memoir of the author's personal spirit marriage journey, supplemented by accounts from other practitioners she has met in the course of her life and her research.

[J Land · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book with the expectation of getting an impartial investigation into the history of prehistoric beliefs of shamanism and their interactions with spiritkind, and then interviews with modern people whom could offer further input to how this actually worked. Suffice to say, what you get is a few interviews with supposed shamans, who aside from the first lad, really don't tell you much of anything noteworthy. After that section, what you get is an autobiography masked as a sort of firsthand admission to this sort of thing being somehow relevant to modern times. There is subtle hints to the author's left leaning post modernist political beliefs, that indicate that there is some confirmation bias being inserted into this topic. A good example of this was choice phrases used such as "gender fluid." Dr.Rose's inclusion of her escapades as a burlesque dancer, and her disappointment to how some of the audience received, by her admission, this hyperactive performance was a odd topic to include. Her subtle-yet present assessment that spirit keeping is somehow analogous to feminism is an odd assumption to make too. She also seems to imply that at a young age her drive to know the divine was mainly driven by what I guess could be best described as an early onset of nimphomania, I found that to be a detail that conveys a little too much personal information, but, I did find her account of her troubles throughout childhood, and the courage she demonstrated commendable, valiant, even.

[Frith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I perhaps am biased in my assessment of this book, as Megan was my teacher for the first three tumultuous years of my spiritual awakening, and subsequent spirit marriage. I believe I was one of her very first students in this aspect of her work. I now consider Megan one of my most trusted friends. I came upon her work via a chapter of her PhD thesis (which became this book) that she had made available online, and it was like a door was opened out of confusion and chaos and into stability and learning, when we first began working together. Searching the internet for someone to help you navigate this world, particularly how to understand, develop and deepen a relationship with a spirit who is insistently, verifably contacting you, will lead you down a rabbit hole of craziness, conspiracy theory, and ego-driven self-publicity. Which is why I leaned so hard on Megan's academic training and long, long personal experience of the type of relationship I was being invited into. I looked for a true teacher, and found one. I put my trust in Megan, and my life changed for the better immediately, and has stayed that way. If you can't work 1:1 with her, this book is the absolute next best thing.

[No Name · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book was informative, but I wish the author had included more modern neo-pagan practices of godspousing. From what I hear, there are plenty of people to interview with on this topic on Tik Tok.

It seems like the author is already naturally inclined or more “sensitive” to the spirits and deities. I wish we could have heard from the more “average” person that is not so gifted with the psychic abilities and can only rely on a regular deck of tarot cards for any real communication with the spirits. That would have been more relatable to me. Not everyone can be or wants to be a shaman or high priest/priestess but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t or can’t be married to a deity.

[Salem · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this audiobook on scribd; but I had to get a real copy. The research and experiences related through this book shed so much light onto my own experience. This stuff is legit, and it’s sacred; I have some close friends who are scared of this for me… but other friends are like: “you know what’s aligned for yourself; and you’ll suffer if you run from it.”

It’s not just about romance or eroticism (although that can be part of it); it’s about two becoming one, and weaving something destined to manifest in our world and theirs.

Supplementary recommended reading on this topic:
The Faery Teachings-Orion Foxwood
Divine Horsemen-Maya Deren

[Karin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This groundbreaking work introduces the idea of spirit marriage to a wider audience. The concept, which exists in most traditions including the Abrahamic religions, describes the tradition of committing to a non-material entity. If you are at all interested in expanding your understanding of and relationship with the various kinds of non-human beings this book is for you. Highly recommended!

[Lashun Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

An informative, impactful, and influential book that introduces new perspectives to the spiritual world without demeaning anyone or postulating false narratives. Megan Rose has done her work and successfully conveys her experiences, as well as the experiences of her coresearchers, regarding her spirituality. This is a great book I'll happily add to my collection.

[marika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible scholarship, so thought-provoking, well-researched and a true work of a lifetime from Dr. Megan Rose. I found it fascinating to dive into all of these different cultures, religions, and their practices, it’s an amazing insight most would never get.

[Ulvhud · Rating 4 out of 5]

Avevo molta paura di quel che poteva essere, ma per fortuna non lo è stato. Si tratta di una raccolta di esperienze circa il contatto e l'unione devozionale e non con gli Spiriti. Nonostante con certe idee e praticanti non sia d'accordo, si tratta di un libro utile.