If I Fall

by Amber Kuhlman, Britt Morgan

How do you survive when your best friend takes his own life?

Khloe has no idea how she'll live without her best friend by her side. Carter was not the suicidal type, and Khloe can’t understand his leaving her so abruptly. When she finds Carter's journal, it's a secret portal holding all his deepest secrets. As Khloe unravels the hidden darkness of her best friend’s life—hoping to find what drove him to suicide—she struggles without him as she stumbles back into the treacherous world she'd left behind. Prescription drugs, sex, and the tip of a needle to feel her pain for her.

Her friend Ava tries to reason with her, but the more Khloe discovers Carter's life, the less she understands. When Khloe almost goes over the edge, a handsome paramedic, Ty, saves her life and seems intent on saving her heart along with it. But the shadows that chased Carter are hot on her heels, and unless she can find the peace that eluded him, she might follow Carter past the last page.

Author's Note: IF I Fall is an upper YA/New Adult novel filled with angst, drama, and just the right amount of friendship and love. It has darker tones, so please watch out for trigger warnings.

300 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 1, 2022

About the author

Amber Kuhlman is a Five-Time Amazon #1 Bestselling Author in Contemporary Romance under the pen name Amber Thielman. A witchy woman with an undying love for pumpkin-flavored anything, traveling, autumn, and boozy concoctions, Amber has written everything from spicy contemporary romance to upper YA, and sexy Paranormal. There’s something for everyone!

Despite her adoration for a HEA, Amber grew up reading too much Stephen King and spent endless lake-front summers devouring every Fear Street novel R. L. Stine ever wrote. She lives in Idaho with her husband and their two beautiful boys.

You can find Amber on social media when she's not writing the pretty words. Come say hi, and stay up to date on new releases, teasers, and special giveaways. Amber loves getting to know her readers!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authoramber...
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TikTok: @authoramberkuhlman

If you'd like to reach out to me personally, drop me a line. I answer everyone and I love speaking to my readers: thieambe@gmail.com

Reviews

[Kitapların Içinden · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't stop my tears. Carter became like a friend of mine while I was reading. However, it was a book that I chose and read. I would love to have a movie made. If you want a story full of struggle, if you are looking for a realistic and emotional story, read it without hesitation.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t get emotional with books often but this one absolutely tore at my heartstrings. I read this in one sitting and neglected my work lol

This is one of those books I would recommend to anyone addicted, or if you have someone with an addiction in your life, to read. It really lets you feel what Khloe feels and how strong and brave she really was, even with all the bad choices.

I don’t leave reviews often but there was no way I couldn’t leave one for this! Highly recommend!!

The only thing that would have made it better was to see more of how Carter felt growing up/living with Khloe and her decisions and how he really felt.

[K.L.Newton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It was full of emotional twists and turns. It really represented the life of someone grieving and losing themselves. Loved it!

[Forbiddenpoet13 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. The characters were real and believable and the story was well put together. I finished this a few days ago and I still am speechless. I don’t know what to say. Just take a dive in this book and check it out for yourself.

[Bec · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I Fall is a dark young adult story with serious topics revolving around sex, drugs, alcohol, suicide and death. There is also a strong focus on relationships - both family and friends. It's the story of how Khloe copes when her bestfriend Carter commits suicide - something she didn't see happening and wonders if she could have prevented. As Khloe tries to get the the bottom of the why, she spirals downward in a world of drugs. She learns more about Carter and meets new friends along the way.
I found some bits a little unrealistic hence the lower rating - like how all of a sudden she was 'best friends' with Carter's ex and how her recovery seemed a little quick without too much angst. Overall though was a great story worth the read.

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was so emotional in the first probably 10 pages of this book. It got me that quick. Khloe's journey is one that someone either you know or someone you know knows has probably been impacted by or has seen. And that really hits home to me. And I do mean it hits home. Not me personally but my mother and my two uncles. So this was very emotional, which made me more invested in this book.

However, I was a little disappointed in Ava's character throughout. One point she was wasn't acting like a best friend and then she was and then she was. It was really flip floppy. And I just wished she had been better for Khloe.

I loved the other two side characters that we meet. TY and Jay and how they really become a staple in Khloe's life. I would have loved to see more of Ty (maybe even his POV in some instances) and his feelings on everything.

Other than that, this book was fantastic. It showed struggles... everyday struggles, lifetime struggles, and mental struggles. And that is something thst we all can relate to.

[Gunvor · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is definitely a very emotional book that follows Khloe that has been doing drugs for some time and drinking a lot. Her friend Carter gets her out of the drugs, but as he dies, Khloe struggles and seeks comfort in drugs. Khloe knows it is wrong and she is actually quite a hypocrite at times, especially towards her friend Ava and her dad. She wants them to get clean, while she herself can't seem to do that.
Honestly, I had to stop reading it at around 60%, because it was too emotional and Khloe was being such a hypocrite that I wanted to shake some sense into her.
However, I did pick it up again, which I am glad I did. Khloe hits rock bottom and with help from new friends, she starts cleaning up and slowly starts to live again.

It is a very well-written story and I can recommend it, however, you have to be ready for a very emotional read.

[Sage · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found myself both loving and hating this book. Britt Morgan is able to capture the rollercoaster, emotional ride of friendship, love, loss, substance abuse, and all the pieces in between extremely well. Her writing is realistic and as you read you are absolutely in the heads of the characters - specifically the protagonist. All of this - makes it a fantastic and easy read. It also makes it incredibly hard to read - I found myself feeling frustrated with the cycling of the protagonist and their struggles and thoughts, and yet - the reality of life is that those cycles are very true to life. The frustrations, sadness, anger, confusion, desires, and behaviors of all the characters are incredibly realistic.

[Isha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Where do I even start? This book was a rollercoaster of emotions.

To be honest, I did not get hooked onto the story in the beginning. But as I kept reading my curiosity got bigger and my heart was aching for Khloe.

Khloe is broken after she loses her best friend, Carter, to suicide. Her life down-spirals from there. While I couldn’t personally relate to the character or the story, I was so connected to her. There were times where she makes disappointing choices and all I wanted to do was shake some sense to her. But this was a girl drowning in grief and for some odd reason, I understood.

It was an emotional, gut-wrenching read. The way Britt Morgan wrote this story was phenomenal.

[Chey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Khole has just lost her best friend Carter to suicide and she doesn't know what to do. She finds his journal and begins spiraling back into a life she left behind as she finds out more than she ever knew about him.

This story was heartbreaking, but so good. The author wove a story that gives you everything from friendship to heartbreak, from addiction to recovery, you get everything. The character development that takes place with Khole was phenomenal. You see her break down and then grow slowly through everything.

My only complaint was the pacing was too slow. It felt like you would wait forever to get some development in the story, but other than that the book was fantastic.

[Mary Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a bit one sided. It showed Khloe's flaws, and her struggles that we can relate to. Unfortunately, not the uphill battle she went. That is something I think we needed more of. It would have been an inspiration boost to have and made her bit more developed. Ava's character I was not a fan of. She is the kind of friend that's undependable. TY and Jay are, however, real friends and wish we saw more of them.

[Wendy Livingstone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Khloe is left bereaved when her best friend Carter takes his own life, and when she finds his journal, it reveals all the secrets which he had hidden, leaving her feeling lost and wondering is she could have helped and maybe have prevented his suicide. This is a good story which is an emotional roller coaster, and is dark, raw, gritty, and with secrets, angst, drama, family, friendships, and love. I look forward to reading more from this author.

[Deb Le · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story tore ay my heartstrings the entire way through. The emotional roller coaster begins very quickly, and never seems to let up. A gut wrenching, dark journey into the life of young adults, struggling with relationships, sexuality, alcohol and drug abuse, suicide, bereavement...... the list just goes on and on. Well written with great character work, this is not an easy book to read, but it is a great one.

[Brenda Moser · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a deeply emotional story dealing with drugs, alcohol and suicide. The author brings a heartfelt story and paints her scenes perfectly, delivering an intense and beautifully written story. It's a true page turner, does have some trigger warning but is an amazing story.

I voluntarily reviewed an ARC of this book. All opinions in this review are my own and freely given.

[B E · Rating 4 out of 5]

What do you do if your best friend takes their own life. Unfortunately this is reality for more than a few. Khloe must work through her devastation and build back her life. Geared to young adults but good read for adults as well.

[Tinna Edna · Rating 4 out of 5]

An emotional story that will grip you to the very last page.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Terry Babb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Until next time...
Brutal, poignant & whilst heart wrenching it was also heart healing. I couldn't stop crying if I tried, this remarkable author has the ability to get you so deeply invested in her epic work that you can't control your emotions. Incroyable! I received an arc & this is my honest & voluntary review.