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Walking With Fay: My Mother's Uncharted Path into Dementia
In 2012, Carolyn Birrell flew down to Georgia to kidnap her mother.
Fay had been living by herself since her husband's death in 2000 and clung fiercely to her independence. She went to church on Sundays, paid her bills on time, and volunteered at Vacation Bible School every summer. But at 79 years old, she'd begun showing escalating signs of early-stage dementia, each one making it harder for her daughter to discount as simple signs of aging.
After receiving calls from Fay's local sheriff and the Department of Family Services, Carolyn took action. She quickly came to understand the meaning of the adage, "When we make plans the Universe laughs," because hers required endless do-overs as she struggled to keep pace with her mother's ever-progressing disease.
This is the story of Carolyn's mother, her dementia, and how they navigated her journey together. Your loved one may not force feed stuffed animals vanilla pudding or burn their neighbor's mail like Fay did, but if you're living through the sad realities of your loved one's slow and tortuous farewell, this book will help you find solace as you deal with it realistically and with a heart at peace.
Fay had been living by herself since her husband's death in 2000 and clung fiercely to her independence. She went to church on Sundays, paid her bills on time, and volunteered at Vacation Bible School every summer. But at 79 years old, she'd begun showing escalating signs of early-stage dementia, each one making it harder for her daughter to discount as simple signs of aging.
After receiving calls from Fay's local sheriff and the Department of Family Services, Carolyn took action. She quickly came to understand the meaning of the adage, "When we make plans the Universe laughs," because hers required endless do-overs as she struggled to keep pace with her mother's ever-progressing disease.
This is the story of Carolyn's mother, her dementia, and how they navigated her journey together. Your loved one may not force feed stuffed animals vanilla pudding or burn their neighbor's mail like Fay did, but if you're living through the sad realities of your loved one's slow and tortuous farewell, this book will help you find solace as you deal with it realistically and with a heart at peace.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
279 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 8, 2022
17 people are currently reading
1138 people want to read
About the author
Carolyn Birrell
2 books18 followersCarolyn Birrell retired to Bonners Ferry, ID, after growing up in a small town near Rochester, NY, by way of Atlanta, GA. You can usually find her pulling weeds, plucking strings on her ukulele, or up on a ladder (order varies by the day). This is her debut memoir.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
August 31, 2023
Carolyn Birrell, a realtor by trade, one day found herself on the other end of the phone with a lieutenant from the Sheriff's Department. He had been receiving calls about her mother's fresh habit of driving on the wrong side of the road and cutting people off. Seventy-nine-year-old Fay lived three thousand miles away from her daughter, alone now after the death of her husband, and increasingly challenged by the demands of getting through any given week. What follows is the story of Carolyn's confrontation with her mother's cognitive decline, and the steps she took - some of them outrageous - as she struggled to adopt the role of caretaker.
Ms. Birrell writes with the kind of honesty one has no choice but to describe as brave. She is less concerned with judgment than she is with reminding us that, if we have a parent with dementia, we are not alone. What makes the literary effort notable is this very willingness to double-down when it comes to transparency - baring her thoughts, her aims, her words and acts, be they pretty or not, smart or not, fair or not, and in so doing presenting one of the more authentic renderings of this miserable (yet eventually endurable) circumstance readers are likely to come across.
I'll go even further than this. Walking with Fay illustrates a unique agony that tends to get the short-shrift in literature on this subject. People say, blithely, that the child becomes the parent, as if it were a reality you simply adjusted to. It's not. Most parents in cognitive decline have absolutely no intention of relinquishing the role - and you can't blame them. With so much slipping from their grasp, that fist is going to clench tighter to retain what power it can. And so you're in for dozens of contests of will; contests that take you straight back to the worst years of your youth and all the helplessness your particular parent has it in their capacity to engender. This element of the equation underscores the story here.
Many of us have done - or will do - things a bit differently, but Carolyn Birrell is completely correct in her assertion that we share the same road.
Ms. Birrell writes with the kind of honesty one has no choice but to describe as brave. She is less concerned with judgment than she is with reminding us that, if we have a parent with dementia, we are not alone. What makes the literary effort notable is this very willingness to double-down when it comes to transparency - baring her thoughts, her aims, her words and acts, be they pretty or not, smart or not, fair or not, and in so doing presenting one of the more authentic renderings of this miserable (yet eventually endurable) circumstance readers are likely to come across.
I'll go even further than this. Walking with Fay illustrates a unique agony that tends to get the short-shrift in literature on this subject. People say, blithely, that the child becomes the parent, as if it were a reality you simply adjusted to. It's not. Most parents in cognitive decline have absolutely no intention of relinquishing the role - and you can't blame them. With so much slipping from their grasp, that fist is going to clench tighter to retain what power it can. And so you're in for dozens of contests of will; contests that take you straight back to the worst years of your youth and all the helplessness your particular parent has it in their capacity to engender. This element of the equation underscores the story here.
Many of us have done - or will do - things a bit differently, but Carolyn Birrell is completely correct in her assertion that we share the same road.
March 11, 2022
I rarely cry. I'm a pretty sensitive guy, but still a guy. It takes a bit to elicit tears.
Well, I read the book, and I found myself engrossed. And then, I cried while reading the chapter called, “Final Chapter”. One could read only THIS chapter, and it would be worth the price of the book.
Yep, I cried. Actually, tears welled up, and as I was reading a passage to my wife, I found myself getting choked up and found it difficult to speak. So, no sobbing, but...you get the picture.
Ok, I admit that I know Carolyn. Not intimately, but we're friends, I think, and we trust each other. And I know Denise, and Ginny, and Jeff, and Sam, and John, and...Hannah. I help care for Hannah now. I didn't expect a lot from this book, but I like Carolyn, so I read it. And I promised to write a review.
Knowing what I know now, I didn't need ANY of those motivations. This book is transparent, honest, funny, real, intimate, revealing, and so, so insightful. Did I say “real”?
I highly recommend this book for anyone to read – regardless of your occupation or your relationship to an aging friend or family member. As medical science extends life, only those who die young themselves will escape the experience of nursing a loved one into the next life.
And Carolyn...oh, Carolyn. She has bared her soul in this book. She has aired her mistakes, her fears, her triumphs, her imperfections, and her pain; and she has done so in a way that is so familiar and accessible to each of us. And she has celebrated some wonderful friendships – the kind of loving, selfless friendships that made me want to be a better friend. If you've been a caregiver, you will recognize the turmoil they all go through. If you're not, Carolyn essentially says in this book, “It's ok. It's not easy, but it will be ok. You'll mess up. You'll make mistakes. You'll suffer, and you'll wonder why. But if you love...love will make it all ok”.
And then maybe some day many of us will be “Fay” to someone else. Maybe – just maybe – having read this book, even through the advancing, merciless fog of dementia, we will try to be a little kinder, a little more humble, a little more gracious toward our own caregivers.
I was moved by this book, “Walking with Fay...” It is every bit as beautiful as its characters – and the love they all had for each other. Cannot recommend it enough.
Well, I read the book, and I found myself engrossed. And then, I cried while reading the chapter called, “Final Chapter”. One could read only THIS chapter, and it would be worth the price of the book.
Yep, I cried. Actually, tears welled up, and as I was reading a passage to my wife, I found myself getting choked up and found it difficult to speak. So, no sobbing, but...you get the picture.
Ok, I admit that I know Carolyn. Not intimately, but we're friends, I think, and we trust each other. And I know Denise, and Ginny, and Jeff, and Sam, and John, and...Hannah. I help care for Hannah now. I didn't expect a lot from this book, but I like Carolyn, so I read it. And I promised to write a review.
Knowing what I know now, I didn't need ANY of those motivations. This book is transparent, honest, funny, real, intimate, revealing, and so, so insightful. Did I say “real”?
I highly recommend this book for anyone to read – regardless of your occupation or your relationship to an aging friend or family member. As medical science extends life, only those who die young themselves will escape the experience of nursing a loved one into the next life.
And Carolyn...oh, Carolyn. She has bared her soul in this book. She has aired her mistakes, her fears, her triumphs, her imperfections, and her pain; and she has done so in a way that is so familiar and accessible to each of us. And she has celebrated some wonderful friendships – the kind of loving, selfless friendships that made me want to be a better friend. If you've been a caregiver, you will recognize the turmoil they all go through. If you're not, Carolyn essentially says in this book, “It's ok. It's not easy, but it will be ok. You'll mess up. You'll make mistakes. You'll suffer, and you'll wonder why. But if you love...love will make it all ok”.
And then maybe some day many of us will be “Fay” to someone else. Maybe – just maybe – having read this book, even through the advancing, merciless fog of dementia, we will try to be a little kinder, a little more humble, a little more gracious toward our own caregivers.
I was moved by this book, “Walking with Fay...” It is every bit as beautiful as its characters – and the love they all had for each other. Cannot recommend it enough.
January 10, 2023
Hard to be critical of a book about a mother/daughter navigating dementia. While the author and all caregivers are to be applauded, the book is not. Let's just say it was a LOOOOOOOONNNGGG walk with Fay. The author made us "walk" as long and as far as she did, and I felt as exhausted by the journey. A much shorter narrative (maybe even magazine article length) with "Aha" moments/ strategies interwoven would have been a much more engaging text.
The real heroes are the author's friends who were the consistent caregivers of Fay and had no biological connection.
The narrative of the final weeks of Fay's life (truly touching and incidentally plays out at the beginning of the Pandemic) and the "Afterword" are the only parts of this book worth reading in my opinion. Save yourself the slog and cut right to the end. I suspect (though I don't know) that the relevant strategies shared in the Afterword are very common ones in literature for caregivers of those suffering from Alzheimer's. Nevertheless, the author (finally) shares valuable insights at the book's conclusion that are hard earned wisdom.
I had a much shorter "walk" with my own mother who suffered vascular dementia. I know firsthand the sorrow and the staggering steps. I related to the imperfection and impatience of the author. I wish I had been better equipped for the walk and should have done a better job seeking resources in real time. To any "walking"... skim this book and then go straight to the online resources she lists in the back.
The real heroes are the author's friends who were the consistent caregivers of Fay and had no biological connection.
The narrative of the final weeks of Fay's life (truly touching and incidentally plays out at the beginning of the Pandemic) and the "Afterword" are the only parts of this book worth reading in my opinion. Save yourself the slog and cut right to the end. I suspect (though I don't know) that the relevant strategies shared in the Afterword are very common ones in literature for caregivers of those suffering from Alzheimer's. Nevertheless, the author (finally) shares valuable insights at the book's conclusion that are hard earned wisdom.
I had a much shorter "walk" with my own mother who suffered vascular dementia. I know firsthand the sorrow and the staggering steps. I related to the imperfection and impatience of the author. I wish I had been better equipped for the walk and should have done a better job seeking resources in real time. To any "walking"... skim this book and then go straight to the online resources she lists in the back.
March 7, 2022
I am currently in the very early stages of my own “walk” on my mother, Lilia’s, journey into dementia. I found Carolyn’s book so helpful, instructive, comforting, reassuring, and written with much needed humor and lightheartedness…comic relief is something much needed during this time. Her way of humanizing her mother, even as she was consumed by this horrible disease, and the way Carolyn unabashedly admitted her own “mistakes”, and feelings of guilt and inadequacy so selflessly, has helped me humanize my own mother, and has relieved and normalized those same feelings within myself.
Her personal “Truth and Better” experiences at the end of the book have enormously helped me dodge the “tennis balls” my own mother has whizzed at me!
Because of Carolyn, I am doing better on my “walk with Lilia”, because I now have Carolyn walking by my side, guiding me down my long and winding path.
Her personal “Truth and Better” experiences at the end of the book have enormously helped me dodge the “tennis balls” my own mother has whizzed at me!
Because of Carolyn, I am doing better on my “walk with Lilia”, because I now have Carolyn walking by my side, guiding me down my long and winding path.
March 6, 2022
Within the first chapter, I thought of three people in my life who would relate to this story and gain insight from reading about this difficult path. Carolyn shares her real life experiences and struggles, pain and trauma with such an open honesty. She points out where she went wrong without being self-deprecating. Her healthy sense of humor is the perfect juxtaposition against the battle she doesn’t want to fight. The way she can rely on her friends is heartwarming and makes me want to hug them for her. She makes real suggestions that took her lots of time to come to terms with, but might help someone else walking down this path. What a great book for anyone who knows someone with dementia.
March 19, 2022
Carolyn Birrell’s first book, Walking with Fay: My Mother’s Uncharted Path into Dementia, kept me glued to her frustrating, sad, helpless feeling, lonely, angry and enlightening journey through her mother Fay’s transitions with dementia, and eventually death. Carolyn’s experiences touched upon my own memories and current status with a mother and brother, in Honolulu, with my home being on the mainland in the Northwest, who both had and have similar and different manifestations of dementia.
It definitely is a walk and more like a run through a myriad of emotions, physical sensations, and strong sense of aloneness at times, dealing with and grieving over and over with the losses of these beloveds who become another being: sometimes cute and sweeter than the former, and most often very paranoid, delusional and with hallucinations in their declining cognitions and intensifying dementia. Carolyn captured all these scenarios with her mother, other family members and friends with great candidness, a courage to be honest and human in her thoughts, feelings and processing, and with consistent humor and subsequent creativity in lying to protect and care for her mom.
Much appreciated are the abundance of helpful tips, research and sharing of organizations that can support and clarify dementia woes for us caregivers. I love her Afterwords, with specific verbal suggestions and reframing of realities to offer our very confused and suspicious loved ones. The writing is clear, concise, entertaining, realistic and presents a universal compassion for those afflicted with some form of dementia, and a must-read for the family and friends who may have to or are now the caregivers and protectors of these folks. I have recommended Walking with Fay, to my adult children, as well as other family and friends, to offer a sense of what could become with any of us older Baby Boomers, and that there is a way to accept and handle dementia and the person afflicted, with more grace and support from others, instead of crashing into it all with no clues, whatsoever.
Thank you to Carolyn Birrell for her remarkable and helpful first authorship of Walking with Fay!—Mona K-B
It definitely is a walk and more like a run through a myriad of emotions, physical sensations, and strong sense of aloneness at times, dealing with and grieving over and over with the losses of these beloveds who become another being: sometimes cute and sweeter than the former, and most often very paranoid, delusional and with hallucinations in their declining cognitions and intensifying dementia. Carolyn captured all these scenarios with her mother, other family members and friends with great candidness, a courage to be honest and human in her thoughts, feelings and processing, and with consistent humor and subsequent creativity in lying to protect and care for her mom.
Much appreciated are the abundance of helpful tips, research and sharing of organizations that can support and clarify dementia woes for us caregivers. I love her Afterwords, with specific verbal suggestions and reframing of realities to offer our very confused and suspicious loved ones. The writing is clear, concise, entertaining, realistic and presents a universal compassion for those afflicted with some form of dementia, and a must-read for the family and friends who may have to or are now the caregivers and protectors of these folks. I have recommended Walking with Fay, to my adult children, as well as other family and friends, to offer a sense of what could become with any of us older Baby Boomers, and that there is a way to accept and handle dementia and the person afflicted, with more grace and support from others, instead of crashing into it all with no clues, whatsoever.
Thank you to Carolyn Birrell for her remarkable and helpful first authorship of Walking with Fay!—Mona K-B
March 9, 2022
This was such a great book. It's a page turner which my husband and I read aloud to each other. As a nurse, I care for many families who are dealing with a family member with dementia. I will definatly be referring this book to them. It is so well written and easy to read. Enjoyed each new shocking Fae story and wanted to give Carolyn a huge hug when it was over.
April 5, 2022
By the second page of this book, I absolutely needed to know what happens to Faye. This is an incredible story and we are drawn in because we can relate to messy truth. Carolyn put her words on the page and created a clear visual of what she wanted me, as the reader to know, and she infused that image with all the human feelings that can go with it. Those relatable feelings let me know it is a story that came from deep truth. People who are on any difficult journey especially, seek information that feels true. This book is not just truth for a caregiver of a mother with dementia, but for any human who is in a terribly hard situation, trying to keep ground under their feet, maintain love, and even harder - respect, and at the same time trying to keep living their own precious life. She lets us in on falling apart and lets us feel it. But she also rests, laughs, asks for help and keeps connected. With writing her book Walking With Faye, she is giving us something she needed, which is really generous if you think about it.
March 8, 2022
After reading "Walking with Fay," I will never be able to look at those who are primary caregivers for individuals afflicted with dementia the same as I did before reading the book. Most caregivers don't talk too much about the myriad emotions involved in caring for such individuals, but Carolyn "goes there," and candidly expresses the range of emotions, including anger, confusion, hurt, frustration, worry, and most of all, love, that such an endeavor entails. Further, the reader develops enhanced empathy for those who are quite literally losing their minds, as we ponder how terrified they are at times, and how this manifests in lashing out to those who are taking care of them. Thank you, Carolyn, for writing the book you wished you'd had when you started your journey. Many will benefit from your experiences and and hard-won knowledge.
March 21, 2022
This memoir examines the mother-daughter relationship as Carolyn Birrell balances her personal journey with the needs of her mother, while dementia progresses one step ahead of them both. With a candor that opens readers to every emotion – gut-wrenching vulnerability combined with laugh-out-loud humor – Birrell digs deep into the heart of countless individuals’ struggles with the debilitating disease. She deftly navigates a variety of genres beyond master storytelling to inform her memoir: personal anecdotes, letters, journal entries, and research. All inform her readers who may face the same challenges, from the feelings of helplessness and guilt to the art of loving and letting go.
Carolyn Birrell made me laugh and cry so much that I wanted to share her story with all of the people I love, not just those who have personal experiences with Alzheimer’s and dementia.
Carolyn Birrell made me laugh and cry so much that I wanted to share her story with all of the people I love, not just those who have personal experiences with Alzheimer’s and dementia.
March 18, 2022
This story resonated with me long after I finished it and changed the way I look at myself, both as a daughter and a woman who is growing older. It changed the way I look at my mothers’ journey and how I can best spend time with her in these last years of her life. Carolyn’s willingness to share her inner depth and trials, for the sake of helping others who may be going through similar situations is, in my opinion, the best way to honor the journey she shared with her mother. There is so much humor and grace in the telling of this heart wrenching story, Carolyn’s solutions to each new situation are always full of love, not just for her mother and herself but for everyone she comes into contact with throughout this journey.
March 15, 2022
"Walking With Fay" grabs your attention from page one as you take the brutally honest and sometimes comical journey through dementia with Carolyn, Fay and their family and friends. This book highlights the raw emotions of one families personal denial, guilt, anger, confusion, second guessing and even frustration with facilities, that all families feel with a loved one that has dementia. This is one book to be added to your collection to be passed onto friends or families to know they are not alone.
June 27, 2022
I was grateful for the candid way the author shared her experience and for the information she shared throughout the book. I would have liked to have read this book before my grandmother was afflicted with dementia. Fay became endeared to me and I miss her too.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 17, 2022
“Walking With Fay” is a wonderfully written true story that I could not put down! I have a family member that’s in the early stages of Dementia and this book has helped me so much already! It’s a sad story and funny at times, I laughed out loud a couple times. She was honest about how she felt and gives so much information to help anyone going through this. It’s a great read and I’ll be reading it again!!
June 20, 2022
This book immediately draws you in. I didn’t want to put it down. A personal story, yet one that is so familiar to many of us. A loving and compassionate narrative that is honest and truthful about the difficulty of caring for a loved one with dementia. Chock full of hard learned lessons and ideas that are useful to families that are caring for loved ones.
April 21, 2022
In the book, Walking with Fay, Carolyn Burrell has written a first hand account of her journey in the upside down world of dementia as she becomes caretaker for her mother. In the beginning, Carolyn has to navigate this roller coaster ride without a map, set of rules or playbook to guide her. Even with supportive people in her life, she becomes the decision maker about such things as housing, supervision, nutrition, security, well being and more. Along Fay and Carolyn’s path come amazing friends and helpful resources to help carry some of the weight.
Fortunately for the reader, Carolyn shares the things she has learned during the years of her mother’s declining health and increasing dementia. I can’t recommend this book enough: if it’s not useful to you now, chances are it will be at some point. Carolyn writes with such honesty, candor, clarity, and even humor as she tackles all that her mother’s dementia throws at her. One of my favorite parts in the book comes near the end in the section titled, “Afterword, Talking with Fay”. It is here that Carolyn reviews conversations she had with her mother by giving the Truth, a Better response, and What really happened. Who knew that telling your mother she is 83 and not 40 as she believed would cause such turmoil for her.
Buy a copy now, and while you are at, you might as well get two. There will be someone you want to give this book to shortly.
Fortunately for the reader, Carolyn shares the things she has learned during the years of her mother’s declining health and increasing dementia. I can’t recommend this book enough: if it’s not useful to you now, chances are it will be at some point. Carolyn writes with such honesty, candor, clarity, and even humor as she tackles all that her mother’s dementia throws at her. One of my favorite parts in the book comes near the end in the section titled, “Afterword, Talking with Fay”. It is here that Carolyn reviews conversations she had with her mother by giving the Truth, a Better response, and What really happened. Who knew that telling your mother she is 83 and not 40 as she believed would cause such turmoil for her.
Buy a copy now, and while you are at, you might as well get two. There will be someone you want to give this book to shortly.
June 14, 2024
I came across this book via the Daily Caring website, that gives tips and advice for those caring for people who have dementia. My mother-in-law was officially diagnosed in 2017, but we suspected beforehand that she had dementia so we’ve been dealing with it for some time but since my father-in-law became ill in 2022 we had to drastically increase our direct caring responsibilities. As the author herself noted, she wanted to find help and guidance from other adult children carers which is why I started the book but the author’s experience is just so different from ours that I struggled with it - she had the financial freedom to buy houses, pay for carers (friends who became carers? That part wasn’t too clear) and go on 3 month vacations to Florida, which is amazing for her but not what most people have to deal with or get the luxury of. I remember reading/hearing somewhere that if you’ve met a person with any form of dementia, then you’ve met a person with dementia. That’s it. Not everyone with dementia will have the same symptoms and experience and that’s basically this book. She had experiences, some were familiar but mostly I just kept thinking of how different our lives were. The Daily Caring website is helpful though, 5 stars for that.
April 15, 2022
A brutally honest and raw look into the roller coaster of dementia.
As a healthcare professional, I have seen dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in the clinical setting. Reading this book helped me understand what it is like from the family perspective. The warning signs are not always clear in the beginning. Like many families, she was thrown headfirst into this with little knowledge. This disease is not one size fits all and is very difficult to navigate. I was blown away by Carolyn's ability to quickly pivot her path and her mind-blowing creativity in times of crisis. I could almost taste the enormous blanket of stress that enveloped her.
"Walking With Fay" pulled me in immediately through Carolyn's ability to craft her story. The good, the bad, the ugly, and sometimes funny parts of her story all came together to form a beautifully written book. Yes, "Walking With Fay" is a memoir, but it also serves as a resource. A resource for other families dealing with this awful disease, a resource for people who may be unsure of the warning signs, or a resource to help a friend. Grab the tissues and enjoy!
As a healthcare professional, I have seen dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in the clinical setting. Reading this book helped me understand what it is like from the family perspective. The warning signs are not always clear in the beginning. Like many families, she was thrown headfirst into this with little knowledge. This disease is not one size fits all and is very difficult to navigate. I was blown away by Carolyn's ability to quickly pivot her path and her mind-blowing creativity in times of crisis. I could almost taste the enormous blanket of stress that enveloped her.
"Walking With Fay" pulled me in immediately through Carolyn's ability to craft her story. The good, the bad, the ugly, and sometimes funny parts of her story all came together to form a beautifully written book. Yes, "Walking With Fay" is a memoir, but it also serves as a resource. A resource for other families dealing with this awful disease, a resource for people who may be unsure of the warning signs, or a resource to help a friend. Grab the tissues and enjoy!
April 9, 2022
As women, we are prepared to grow and turn into wives and mothers. We are ready to care for and support our partners and our children. But no one ever prepares us for our role in caring for our elderly parents. It sneaks up on you like all debilitating chronic illnesses. Before you know it, Mom can't remember to turn the stove off, or Dad frantically calls because he went for a drive but doesn't know where he is. And the anger! When did the parents who treated us so lovingly as children come to hate our every suggestion? And question every motive? After reading Walking with Fay, you'll discover that you are not the only "bad daughter." Carolyn Birrell normalizes the pain and guilt and adds resources for coping with an aging parent. You will finally have someone who understands and walks the path with you.
April 27, 2022
From amusement to anguish, Carolyn Birrell’s Walking with Fay is a glimpse into life caring for a loved one with dementia. Her authentic writing lets you into areas that are rarely spoken of to those unfamiliar with the disease. I found myself laughing out loud wondering what Fay would get into next and then in tears as Carolyn finds herself in paralyzing self-doubt over if she is doing the right thing. The book has left me with a greater understanding and immense empathy for those I know who are caring for a loved one who is being slowly stolen from them over time. This is a must read for anyone on this journey. It is also a beautifully written love story, from daughter to mother. An amazing example of unconditional love.
May 2, 2022
Carolyn’s walk with her mother Fay, through the stages (YEARS!) of dementia, offers compelling insight into the extremely painful world experienced by loved ones ‘overseeing’ a sad, horrible disease. Obviously, Fay had no idea or appreciation of her daughter’s incredible devotion and commitment. Carolyn’s creative approach to different situations was inspiring - the reader will walk away with new ‘tools’ to help them with the daily daunting task of helping to care for a loved one with dementia (my own mom passed away in 2021; she too suffered from this disease). And yes, dementia affects people differently, but in the end, it can be a lonely disease for all. Carolyn’s sharing of her walk with Fay makes it a little less lonely.
May 9, 2022
This is a well-written, poignant, funny, sad, and hear-warming look into an adult daughter's caregiving journey. There were times I wanted to quit reading it because it reminded me that I am taking that same journey with a loved one, but the author was honest about her trials and her mistakes, which kept me reading.
I'm so grateful to have the list of resources she included in the book, as well as the advice on how best to deal with someone who is not who they were. It's easy to say "I'd never do that", but we will all make mistakes and have regrets; Carolyn was open and honest about hers.
This book is a must-read for family, friends, and caregivers of those with dementia of any kind.
Thank you, Carolyn.
I'm so grateful to have the list of resources she included in the book, as well as the advice on how best to deal with someone who is not who they were. It's easy to say "I'd never do that", but we will all make mistakes and have regrets; Carolyn was open and honest about hers.
This book is a must-read for family, friends, and caregivers of those with dementia of any kind.
Thank you, Carolyn.
March 13, 2022
I began reading WALKING WITH FAY thinking, “I don’t know anyone with dementia.” I was caught up in the story almost immediately and couldn’t put the book down. It reads like a novel, complete with humor, mystery, and plenty of anguish. And the most amazing thing is that it’s a true story – one that everyone, really, should read - whether you have a loved one with dementia or know someone who does. The reality is, these stories even apply to most relationships, and I found myself comparing them to interactions I’ve had in the past that I may have approached differently, had I read this book first. This should be one of those BOGO purchases – Buy One, Gift One.
March 19, 2022
Amazing and courageous book. I could not put the book down. Carolyn's story of loving her mother while she was losing her mother over 10 years was heartbreaking, inspirational, honest and a true tribute and love story to her mother.
What struck me most is how she balanced the story with the reality of her mother's decline alongside her own mental health and emotional rollercoaster of a caregiver.
I have already talked about this book with so many people and I believe it will help so many as they become a caregiver of a loved one through dementia and the difficult decline and losing of an individual through many years.
Kudos to Carolyn for sharing her brave journey.
What struck me most is how she balanced the story with the reality of her mother's decline alongside her own mental health and emotional rollercoaster of a caregiver.
I have already talked about this book with so many people and I believe it will help so many as they become a caregiver of a loved one through dementia and the difficult decline and losing of an individual through many years.
Kudos to Carolyn for sharing her brave journey.
April 4, 2022
I highly recommend this book. I laughed and cried through the heartwarming and brutally honest story. Carolyn talks about all the ups and downs with a woman that she loved but was becoming someone she didn't recognize. What a sweet story to help us feel that we are not alone in this journey. I am dealing with many of these issues with my mother-in-law and Carolyn's story helped me to be strong and understand that there is a fine line between normality and crazy chaos.
Thank you Carolyn for your bravery to put this topic out there in such an honest way that can help others who are going through the same.
Beautiful book and story of life, love, and loss.
Thank you Carolyn for your bravery to put this topic out there in such an honest way that can help others who are going through the same.
Beautiful book and story of life, love, and loss.
July 25, 2023
One of those rare books which engages the reader from start to finish. A compassionate journey alongside her Mother as they navigate the uncharted waters of dementia. Having just gone through this journey myself with Mum, and having also written a long manuscript about our own travels, which I hope to publish as soon as I work out how, this book resonated so powerfully with so many of our experiences. I think Carolyn's book should be essential reading for all of those working in aged care with people suffering from Dementia. It would also provide very powerful insight to anyone who is just starting out on the journey.
November 26, 2024
Alzheimer’s and dementia are horrible diseases, both for the people living with it and the caregivers watching their loved ones slowly fade away.
WALKING WITH FAY is a thoughtful memoir by a woman forced to deal with her mother’s cognitive decline, as reports of her mother’s erratic behavior reach her from across the country.
Carolyn Birrell was fortunate to have such a strong and caring support system. The people—not family—who stepped in, freely giving their time, honestly surprised me. Maybe there truly are angels here on earth. This story was a reminder to ask for help when needed, and to give when possible.
WALKING WITH FAY is a thoughtful memoir by a woman forced to deal with her mother’s cognitive decline, as reports of her mother’s erratic behavior reach her from across the country.
Carolyn Birrell was fortunate to have such a strong and caring support system. The people—not family—who stepped in, freely giving their time, honestly surprised me. Maybe there truly are angels here on earth. This story was a reminder to ask for help when needed, and to give when possible.
March 22, 2022
Walking With Fay is a beautifully written memoir about the long and bumpy road we must travel when dementia strikes a loved one.
Carolyn Birrell’s first novel is an honest and thoughtful account of her journey. It is interspersed with references for the inquisitive, humor, and raw emotion making the reader acutely aware of our humanity.
This book shines a light on the perspective of the family who must bear witness to this disease, the value of support from our circle of friends, and the compassion of caregivers. I highly recommend this book!!
Carolyn Birrell’s first novel is an honest and thoughtful account of her journey. It is interspersed with references for the inquisitive, humor, and raw emotion making the reader acutely aware of our humanity.
This book shines a light on the perspective of the family who must bear witness to this disease, the value of support from our circle of friends, and the compassion of caregivers. I highly recommend this book!!
May 17, 2022
Walking With Fay… is a great read whether or not you’re dealing with someone suffering from dementia. Carolyn holds nothing back in relating her experiences with her mother’s (and her) journey through such a horrible disease. It’s all there--good and bad, humorous and sad—presented in a style that makes the reader feel like they’re actually there, witnessing the events. This book is heartwarming and heart wrenching at the same time; a real page turner that I couldn’t put down. I found myself laughing, crying, and even relating to some of Carolyn’s experiences. There’s a wealth of great information in this book. Everyone can take something from it whether dealing with someone suffering from dementia or just an aging friend or loved one. Carolyn has shown herself to be a natural author in this, her first book.
March 12, 2022
What an incredible human journey! “Walking with Fay” by Carolyn Birrell is an essential read for anyone care giving someone with dementia of any sort but it is so much more. It speaks from the heart about the the fears, guilt, and anguish, as well as the possible joys, deep connections, courage, and ultimate peace which can be part of the journey. Don’t miss this one! The true story, the information, the pathos all combine for something way more than just a great read!
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