What do you think?
Rate this book
The Crystal Keepers
The first in a saga that will span across the stars, The Crystal Keepers tells the story of Manie, a girl from a magical world where Crystals carrying incredible powers once came down from the stars like rain; and Shawn, a teenager from our world who stumbles upon Talmoria by accident. When the Rain of Crystals fell, just one blue stone was among them, the most powerful of all the magic Crystals. For years that Blue Crystal lay dormant, lost to the decay of time, until it was given to Manie by King Dukemot. Now only she can control its power. Only she can decide the fate of the island and stop a deadly disease. But when Manie learns that the price to save Talmoria is the lives of all the Torch-Wings in the South, she can no longer justify what she has to do. Manie and Shawn must decide if they are brave enough to give up everything they used to know in order to prevent the extinction of a race of creatures that most don’t know exist.
- GenresFantasy
455 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 18, 2022
13 people are currently reading
35 people want to read
About the author
J.M. Arlen
3 books7 followersI grew up loving stories, and now I'm writing them. My whole life I used to daydream about going on some grand adventure like Frodo and Sam in Lord of the Rings, Jon Snow beyond the wall in Game of Thrones, or Harry Potter in his own magical adventures, and the people that created those types of stories have always been inspirational to me. My only hope is that I might continue the legacy they left behind and continue making great stories and great characters for readers to enjoy.
Visit my website for all the latest news: jmarlen.pubsitepro.com
Or on Twitter at twitter.com/JMArlen8
Visit my website for all the latest news: jmarlen.pubsitepro.com
Or on Twitter at twitter.com/JMArlen8
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
April 20, 2022
Full disclaimer: I was given a review copy of this book. I wanted to be nicer. I couldn't bring myself to be.
First of all, I want it to be clear I read this in a day. Or rather, half of it. I have a rule about finishing every book I read and I swore I would take this book as it was, despite the online somewhat controversy about it. I wanted to give it a fair shake. I just didn't get through it.
Really, the issues fall into a few major categories. I'll get the positives out of the way first, which is that I think the author has an amazing story in his head. It's just not here, on the page. Often, things will be described or things will happen narratively that could be amazing, in concept. Characters that could be interesting, but come across all wrong and weird on the page, and it's only because I'm actively trying to get into the author's head whilst reviewing it that I see he loves this story and this book. That passion and that love is what has translated into the controversy, but unfortunately, it did not translate to the page. And actually, the characters felt bland or plain dislikeable, the plot felt really underwhelming, the magic was uninteresting, many aspects were plain confusing... none of that passion or love came out in this product. And the issues are numerous.
One is that the author has a bad habit of narrating over things that are difficult to write. Or using narration in place of development. The main character's backstory is all narrated, for a whole chapter, all tell and no show. But the worst comes in chapter 5. In the space of one chapter, the main character Manie is lost, found, taken in by a stranger, basically hidden away and adopted by said stranger, she is then found some amount of time later (I think it's meant to be months) and by early in chapter 6 he is dead. These are not long chapters and this kind of fast-forward narration is not a one-off thing. It appears again and again, and constantly shreds through the story and makes the pacing incredibly strange, because the narrative voice will then very suddenly shift to spending multiple paragraphs on singular moments.
This then translates further into the prose. Everything is somehow incredibly dramatic, and incredibly unengaging. If I had to put my finger on why, I think the primary issues here are threefold. The first is that the author assumed we are engaged the same emotionally as he is, and makes no effort to engage us in his story. This results in long stretches of prose with no emotional investment, going into incredibly deep and long prosal spreads that just aren't engaging because the reader doesn't care. This, combined with the fastforward narration that gets honestly just plain sloppy in places, leads to really weird pacing, making it impossible to even settle into the read properly, and not in a good way.
The second issue is that the author demonstrates nothing. We are told everything, and nothing is demonstrated. It feels unimmersive and uninteresting, and the reader frankly doesn't buy a lot of the feelings and problems and narrative tension because we see none of them. There are two major threats in the story - The Gray Death and the king, neither of whom we actually in any way encounter, at any point. The king, it's maybe understandable, it's a four-part series after all, but the Gray Death would have been very easy to include. And this is just an example of not demonstrating but just telling us things, and... we can read the wikis of fantasy books if that's what we want. Readers are here to be entertained, and just being told things in this manner is not entertaining.
The third major issue in the prose is that the author just does not describe things well. There is a lack of resonance, and a lack of punch to the prose. Often, when things that could be standout moments happen, they lack the vivid punch they could bring. When emotions come along, the prose often becomes drawn out and slow, the emotions often lost among the prose when a little bit of, well, punch is needed. And whilst this could be argued to be down to writing style, even a slow-burn writing style needs to actually bring those emotions to the reader, and the constant fast-forwarding means any idea that this story could slow-burn is just gone, because it whips through the narrative at lightning speed when it's not doing that.
The characters are also a major weak point of the story. Characters speak with the same voice, and they often comes across as flat and uninteresting. I think it could be down to all the other issues that we feel so uninvested in their struggle, but seriously, it's impossible to care about these characters for readers. Which sucks, because I want to care. And this is true for all the characters of just not being engaging and interesting, all except one. The main character. She's worse.
I couldn't stand her. As in, if I met her in real life, I would get away from her as fast as possible because I don't even want to be angry at her. We're meant to root for a girl who threatens to murder someone and burn them alive, and then gets angry later on at people being mean to each other. Manie is so dislikeable as a protagonist, and it's not in a good way. It's not in a way that makes me angry, it's not in a way that makes me want to read on and find out if she gets what's coming to her, it's that I want to put the book down because she is just so insufferable. I know she's meant to be written as anxious and under a lot of stress and undergoing outbursts, but... it's hard to engage with her in that way because of the pacing and because nothing about her is demonstrated except that she's ultra-nasty to people. The only thing demonstrated about this character is her literally abusive behaviour toward Shawn, as far as I read.
This moved on to the worldbuilding. I don't know, I just... nothing. Not bad. Nothing good. Just not bothered about it. The including of 'recharging stations' as a term in a seemingly medieval fantasy was a bold and not good move. It was weird, and took me out of the story. I also still don't understand how our world and that world connects and frankly I didn't care.
The biggest issue really is the complete lack of engagement with the reader. It's very clear to me that this writer cannot, or chooses not, to get into the reader's headspace. To understand their perspective, and their experience. And, as a storyteller, and an entertainer, which is what professional authors are, it's something you ought to do if you want success and you want people to enjoy your book.
I also find, as a writer myself, that I'm sure someone could have told you that this was full of problems. Paid beta readers, online critique circles, anything, would have told you that this was not ready for publication. I would be disappointed if I wrote this as a first draft. And I can see why this story has gotten the low rating it has. It's not anyone being out to get the author. Actually, I think many of them are being far too generous with their 2* and 3* ratings.
At the end of the day, this is just bad. And a rare DNF for me. I hoped for better, and I was sadly disappointed.
First of all, I want it to be clear I read this in a day. Or rather, half of it. I have a rule about finishing every book I read and I swore I would take this book as it was, despite the online somewhat controversy about it. I wanted to give it a fair shake. I just didn't get through it.
Really, the issues fall into a few major categories. I'll get the positives out of the way first, which is that I think the author has an amazing story in his head. It's just not here, on the page. Often, things will be described or things will happen narratively that could be amazing, in concept. Characters that could be interesting, but come across all wrong and weird on the page, and it's only because I'm actively trying to get into the author's head whilst reviewing it that I see he loves this story and this book. That passion and that love is what has translated into the controversy, but unfortunately, it did not translate to the page. And actually, the characters felt bland or plain dislikeable, the plot felt really underwhelming, the magic was uninteresting, many aspects were plain confusing... none of that passion or love came out in this product. And the issues are numerous.
One is that the author has a bad habit of narrating over things that are difficult to write. Or using narration in place of development. The main character's backstory is all narrated, for a whole chapter, all tell and no show. But the worst comes in chapter 5. In the space of one chapter, the main character Manie is lost, found, taken in by a stranger, basically hidden away and adopted by said stranger, she is then found some amount of time later (I think it's meant to be months) and by early in chapter 6 he is dead. These are not long chapters and this kind of fast-forward narration is not a one-off thing. It appears again and again, and constantly shreds through the story and makes the pacing incredibly strange, because the narrative voice will then very suddenly shift to spending multiple paragraphs on singular moments.
This then translates further into the prose. Everything is somehow incredibly dramatic, and incredibly unengaging. If I had to put my finger on why, I think the primary issues here are threefold. The first is that the author assumed we are engaged the same emotionally as he is, and makes no effort to engage us in his story. This results in long stretches of prose with no emotional investment, going into incredibly deep and long prosal spreads that just aren't engaging because the reader doesn't care. This, combined with the fastforward narration that gets honestly just plain sloppy in places, leads to really weird pacing, making it impossible to even settle into the read properly, and not in a good way.
The second issue is that the author demonstrates nothing. We are told everything, and nothing is demonstrated. It feels unimmersive and uninteresting, and the reader frankly doesn't buy a lot of the feelings and problems and narrative tension because we see none of them. There are two major threats in the story - The Gray Death and the king, neither of whom we actually in any way encounter, at any point. The king, it's maybe understandable, it's a four-part series after all, but the Gray Death would have been very easy to include. And this is just an example of not demonstrating but just telling us things, and... we can read the wikis of fantasy books if that's what we want. Readers are here to be entertained, and just being told things in this manner is not entertaining.
The third major issue in the prose is that the author just does not describe things well. There is a lack of resonance, and a lack of punch to the prose. Often, when things that could be standout moments happen, they lack the vivid punch they could bring. When emotions come along, the prose often becomes drawn out and slow, the emotions often lost among the prose when a little bit of, well, punch is needed. And whilst this could be argued to be down to writing style, even a slow-burn writing style needs to actually bring those emotions to the reader, and the constant fast-forwarding means any idea that this story could slow-burn is just gone, because it whips through the narrative at lightning speed when it's not doing that.
The characters are also a major weak point of the story. Characters speak with the same voice, and they often comes across as flat and uninteresting. I think it could be down to all the other issues that we feel so uninvested in their struggle, but seriously, it's impossible to care about these characters for readers. Which sucks, because I want to care. And this is true for all the characters of just not being engaging and interesting, all except one. The main character. She's worse.
I couldn't stand her. As in, if I met her in real life, I would get away from her as fast as possible because I don't even want to be angry at her. We're meant to root for a girl who threatens to murder someone and burn them alive, and then gets angry later on at people being mean to each other. Manie is so dislikeable as a protagonist, and it's not in a good way. It's not in a way that makes me angry, it's not in a way that makes me want to read on and find out if she gets what's coming to her, it's that I want to put the book down because she is just so insufferable. I know she's meant to be written as anxious and under a lot of stress and undergoing outbursts, but... it's hard to engage with her in that way because of the pacing and because nothing about her is demonstrated except that she's ultra-nasty to people. The only thing demonstrated about this character is her literally abusive behaviour toward Shawn, as far as I read.
This moved on to the worldbuilding. I don't know, I just... nothing. Not bad. Nothing good. Just not bothered about it. The including of 'recharging stations' as a term in a seemingly medieval fantasy was a bold and not good move. It was weird, and took me out of the story. I also still don't understand how our world and that world connects and frankly I didn't care.
The biggest issue really is the complete lack of engagement with the reader. It's very clear to me that this writer cannot, or chooses not, to get into the reader's headspace. To understand their perspective, and their experience. And, as a storyteller, and an entertainer, which is what professional authors are, it's something you ought to do if you want success and you want people to enjoy your book.
I also find, as a writer myself, that I'm sure someone could have told you that this was full of problems. Paid beta readers, online critique circles, anything, would have told you that this was not ready for publication. I would be disappointed if I wrote this as a first draft. And I can see why this story has gotten the low rating it has. It's not anyone being out to get the author. Actually, I think many of them are being far too generous with their 2* and 3* ratings.
At the end of the day, this is just bad. And a rare DNF for me. I hoped for better, and I was sadly disappointed.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 28, 2022
This is one of several novels I've purchased lately in an attempt to find another great fantasy series. I'm good with taking a chance on unknown authors and debut books because every now and again I discover an entertaining and fun series, and I want to support those authors and help get their work out there. This has resulted in both hits and misses in terms of quality. This one's a big miss.
There's nothing about the Crystal Keepers that makes it stand out from the hundreds of other self published fantasy books available. In fact to be brutally honest, this is worse in many ways. The plot uses many familiar elements: crystals that give magic powers, portals from the 'real' world to a fantasy realm, an unknown disease sweeping the land... you get the point. The plot deals with unlikeable main character Manie, who is the only person who can use the most powerful crystal in the world, and can shoot lightning from her hands (it's never explained why) and equally unlikeable fifteen year old Shawn (who comes from the real world and also has some crystal superpowers somehow) fighting against King Dukemot (who is never seen in this book BTW) and his plan to sacrifice the Torch-Wings (fairies) to cure the Gray Death disease. The Gray Death supposedly somehow starves people and makes them go mad, but since we never see any victims of the disease - no madmen, no bodies - it's hard to care. In fact I'd forgotten several times it was even an issue until a character would casually bring it up. I get that this is the first in a series, but if you're going to push things like this in the blurb as a major part of the story it should feature more prominently to give me a reason to get invested. Since it doesn't, I have no real reason to care about it.
The writing here isn't great either. Not the worst I've read, but lackluster would be putting it kindly. The first page of the book features some horrible dialogue and it's sadly a sign of things to come. It only gets worse with cringe worthy descriptions like 'His words stabbed out like a scorpion's sting'. Ugh.
In summary, The Crystal Keepers is just a dull, cookie cutter fantasy filled with forgettable characters, cheesy dialogue, and clunky wording. I only got through this book out of my sheer stubbornness in not giving up on novels I start.
There's nothing about the Crystal Keepers that makes it stand out from the hundreds of other self published fantasy books available. In fact to be brutally honest, this is worse in many ways. The plot uses many familiar elements: crystals that give magic powers, portals from the 'real' world to a fantasy realm, an unknown disease sweeping the land... you get the point. The plot deals with unlikeable main character Manie, who is the only person who can use the most powerful crystal in the world, and can shoot lightning from her hands (it's never explained why) and equally unlikeable fifteen year old Shawn (who comes from the real world and also has some crystal superpowers somehow) fighting against King Dukemot (who is never seen in this book BTW) and his plan to sacrifice the Torch-Wings (fairies) to cure the Gray Death disease. The Gray Death supposedly somehow starves people and makes them go mad, but since we never see any victims of the disease - no madmen, no bodies - it's hard to care. In fact I'd forgotten several times it was even an issue until a character would casually bring it up. I get that this is the first in a series, but if you're going to push things like this in the blurb as a major part of the story it should feature more prominently to give me a reason to get invested. Since it doesn't, I have no real reason to care about it.
The writing here isn't great either. Not the worst I've read, but lackluster would be putting it kindly. The first page of the book features some horrible dialogue and it's sadly a sign of things to come. It only gets worse with cringe worthy descriptions like 'His words stabbed out like a scorpion's sting'. Ugh.
In summary, The Crystal Keepers is just a dull, cookie cutter fantasy filled with forgettable characters, cheesy dialogue, and clunky wording. I only got through this book out of my sheer stubbornness in not giving up on novels I start.
April 15, 2022
This book is not good. Not the worst thing you'll ever read, but certainly a waste of money (and time) unless you specifically enjoy generic fantasy that offers nothing new to the genre or anything interesting. The biggest problems with this book are the plot and characters (I'm looking at you, Shawn). The plot has several false starts that leaves the reader confused and without a frame of reference for WAY too long. It also asks the reader to stretch their suspension of disbelief to levels that are unacceptable. I know this book is fantasy, but it does not adhere to its own logic and oftentimes breaks rules set by the world for no good or explained reason. As for the characters, they are awful. The main character (conveniently named Maine lol) is okay (most of the time) but the other protagonist, a boy from "our world" named Shawn, is one of the worst characters I've read in a long time. He is so bad that any redeeming qualities Maine has are lost in his presence.
In the end, this story tried to stretch itself in too many directions and tried way too hard to be something "poetic". Save your money and buy something else.
In the end, this story tried to stretch itself in too many directions and tried way too hard to be something "poetic". Save your money and buy something else.
May 15, 2022
So, my friend sent me a scathing review of this novel, and I'm one of those - how bad can it be?
At its best, this novel is a string of cliches and coincidences that keep a protagonist alive when she should be dead - for instance after being locked in a tower for as long as Manie has then why doesn't she have Ricketts for example, and how does she survive when she runs out into a wild world in just her nightie?
The pace makes no sense. There are two many time jumps to make the story a comfortable read. Ultimately, Arlen could have started at chapter nine thanks to the over detailed explanation he writes when Manie word-vomits her past (aka chapters 2-8) in one chapter of unneeded exposition. There is no mystery because everything is told at regular intervals of verbal diarrhea that is as tiring as having gastroenteritis.
The prose itself is very poor. On one page, five of the six paragraphs started with Manie, and it was tell, tell, tell. There was no attempt at action or movement. There were also many redundancies - repeating the same concept in just a new set of words. And often those words were jumbled - in places I felt Arlen had sat twenty monkeys in front of typewriters and picked the first thousand coherent words typed then drew them out of a hat for use. Contradictions were also an issue as we gaze on a valley of mountains.... A description so ridiculous that it doesn't even count as an oxymoron.
Finally, there is the biggest sin of them all - Shawn is Arlen's self-insert as a Marty-Stu to Manie's Mary-Sue. Both characters seem to know everything but the worse crime is that Arlen actively disempowers Manie to the point she has to rely on Shawn to complete the task. With Manie being locked in a tower there is a strong sense that Arlen considers himself an incel, but the women of his dreams is locked away for him to rescue and save the day, earning affection from the simple fact of existing than being worthy.
At its best, this novel is a string of cliches and coincidences that keep a protagonist alive when she should be dead - for instance after being locked in a tower for as long as Manie has then why doesn't she have Ricketts for example, and how does she survive when she runs out into a wild world in just her nightie?
The pace makes no sense. There are two many time jumps to make the story a comfortable read. Ultimately, Arlen could have started at chapter nine thanks to the over detailed explanation he writes when Manie word-vomits her past (aka chapters 2-8) in one chapter of unneeded exposition. There is no mystery because everything is told at regular intervals of verbal diarrhea that is as tiring as having gastroenteritis.
The prose itself is very poor. On one page, five of the six paragraphs started with Manie, and it was tell, tell, tell. There was no attempt at action or movement. There were also many redundancies - repeating the same concept in just a new set of words. And often those words were jumbled - in places I felt Arlen had sat twenty monkeys in front of typewriters and picked the first thousand coherent words typed then drew them out of a hat for use. Contradictions were also an issue as we gaze on a valley of mountains.... A description so ridiculous that it doesn't even count as an oxymoron.
Finally, there is the biggest sin of them all - Shawn is Arlen's self-insert as a Marty-Stu to Manie's Mary-Sue. Both characters seem to know everything but the worse crime is that Arlen actively disempowers Manie to the point she has to rely on Shawn to complete the task. With Manie being locked in a tower there is a strong sense that Arlen considers himself an incel, but the women of his dreams is locked away for him to rescue and save the day, earning affection from the simple fact of existing than being worthy.
February 26, 2023
The Crystal Keepers is a novel I’ve been waiting for, refreshing its Facebook page over its 7 year journey with the expected fever one has for a debut self-pub by an unknown author.
Finally, the year, and the day arrived, eerily reminiscent of early iPhone launches. Digital downloads were an option so no shortages here, but I camped out on Amazon anyway. I have trouble sleeping during times of great cultural significance, so this wasn’t a stretch.
Of course, the author’s social media, rumoured to be run by none other than Angela Wesselman-Pierce, had already let it slip this was a guaranteed winner that everyone would love, unless something was wrong with them. But it was never suggested the author was one of her mentally disabled children.
My recent medical came back clear, so I went in eager to thank the author, but when I saw it priced at $9.99 I hesitated. Compare that to the average Tolkien novel or what Steve Jobs sold the iPhone, and I felt like a criminal. $9.99 for a whole book, or only a bit over $1 for each of the 7 years he slaved over it. And then, most importantly, we get to read it as many times as we like? Sensational, frugal entertainment that spelled doom for my future weekend plans.
Okay, on to the book. The opening got straight into the weather which helped set the scene, that the author is not afraid of breaking the first rule of writing, while weaving in a tribute to George R. R. Martin. Although the words derivative and tedium hovered, the author spent 7 years on this, and paid an editor whose advice on chapter one was ignored, so it couldn’t be as bad as I was thinking. Plus, I hadn’t read the whole book, so criticism of the opening became invalid.
I had become aware of all this from the author’s mouth, and there was something deliciously ironic about plagiarising an artist you were about to surpass.
I knew this because the only correct review currently written about this book, penned by the author himself, stressed that George R. R’s books take longer to get to their plot, and have worse plots than The Crystal Keepers.
Also introduced in the first page are two farmers, later described by the author as intentionally flat and uninteresting. He stressed he didn’t want us to care about the two characters he opened with, and if true I must say I’ve never seen an author nail his objectives with such precision. I didn’t care at all about the farmers, and cheered when they got f*cked over by the magic rain crystals, feeling similar about each subsequent character throughout.
Plagiarism and intentional boredom was a brave way to open, but the first chapter was bordering incoherent. It was obvious the writer was trying hard to emulate his favourite fantasy authors, at least until he allegedly bettered them, and I appreciate that effort. But the story felt as meaningful as the fluff in my navel, and the prose made me want to pick it out, and smell it. I was that starved of authentic sensation.
Perhaps the dullest and certainly dumbest section of the book involved Manie’s beginning up until she died, and Shawn finding the Crystal. Although the insufferable opening meant 99 per cent of readers never reach these ramblings, and is thus the book’s greatest gift, a treat readers should be thankful for. However, as part of the 1 per cent, I pressed on, despite the monotonous of each following page.
To be fair, there were a handful of moments that transcended the blandness. I did feel genuine jubilation when Manie died, and that was followed by immense sadness when she returned to life, resuming her role as the Manie character. And I certainly felt something as I ploughed through to Musoni, and The Torch-Wing City, the phrase holy balls comes to mind, as the story’s climax approached. My enthusiasm to be reading the last page palpable, according to dad, who stopped his game of Tetris.
I smiled, having now survived the whole experience, and legitimised my ability to review and grade the novel, according to the author’s strict rules.
5 stars for effort. He really had a go, getting his head all the way up his own arse and around the corner and I appreciate this aggressive approach.
However, the execution, the story, the plotting, the characters, the author’s voice, style and prose, all made me want to eat my own excrement, as I sort a more palatable aftertaste.
Perhaps the author is “too real” for me, like he says to all who leave bad reviews. I’m just another “dumbf*ck” and we are inching closer to the first reviewer who sees his genius.
I can imagine the author’s next book being an improvement. The effort, and the desire to succeed is definitely there, even if the unawareness that he hasn’t is not.
But I’ll eat my own shit (again) if he ever writes anything at a standard worth reading, let alone paying for, and praising in the ways that he demands.
Finally, the year, and the day arrived, eerily reminiscent of early iPhone launches. Digital downloads were an option so no shortages here, but I camped out on Amazon anyway. I have trouble sleeping during times of great cultural significance, so this wasn’t a stretch.
Of course, the author’s social media, rumoured to be run by none other than Angela Wesselman-Pierce, had already let it slip this was a guaranteed winner that everyone would love, unless something was wrong with them. But it was never suggested the author was one of her mentally disabled children.
My recent medical came back clear, so I went in eager to thank the author, but when I saw it priced at $9.99 I hesitated. Compare that to the average Tolkien novel or what Steve Jobs sold the iPhone, and I felt like a criminal. $9.99 for a whole book, or only a bit over $1 for each of the 7 years he slaved over it. And then, most importantly, we get to read it as many times as we like? Sensational, frugal entertainment that spelled doom for my future weekend plans.
Okay, on to the book. The opening got straight into the weather which helped set the scene, that the author is not afraid of breaking the first rule of writing, while weaving in a tribute to George R. R. Martin. Although the words derivative and tedium hovered, the author spent 7 years on this, and paid an editor whose advice on chapter one was ignored, so it couldn’t be as bad as I was thinking. Plus, I hadn’t read the whole book, so criticism of the opening became invalid.
I had become aware of all this from the author’s mouth, and there was something deliciously ironic about plagiarising an artist you were about to surpass.
I knew this because the only correct review currently written about this book, penned by the author himself, stressed that George R. R’s books take longer to get to their plot, and have worse plots than The Crystal Keepers.
Also introduced in the first page are two farmers, later described by the author as intentionally flat and uninteresting. He stressed he didn’t want us to care about the two characters he opened with, and if true I must say I’ve never seen an author nail his objectives with such precision. I didn’t care at all about the farmers, and cheered when they got f*cked over by the magic rain crystals, feeling similar about each subsequent character throughout.
Plagiarism and intentional boredom was a brave way to open, but the first chapter was bordering incoherent. It was obvious the writer was trying hard to emulate his favourite fantasy authors, at least until he allegedly bettered them, and I appreciate that effort. But the story felt as meaningful as the fluff in my navel, and the prose made me want to pick it out, and smell it. I was that starved of authentic sensation.
Perhaps the dullest and certainly dumbest section of the book involved Manie’s beginning up until she died, and Shawn finding the Crystal. Although the insufferable opening meant 99 per cent of readers never reach these ramblings, and is thus the book’s greatest gift, a treat readers should be thankful for. However, as part of the 1 per cent, I pressed on, despite the monotonous of each following page.
To be fair, there were a handful of moments that transcended the blandness. I did feel genuine jubilation when Manie died, and that was followed by immense sadness when she returned to life, resuming her role as the Manie character. And I certainly felt something as I ploughed through to Musoni, and The Torch-Wing City, the phrase holy balls comes to mind, as the story’s climax approached. My enthusiasm to be reading the last page palpable, according to dad, who stopped his game of Tetris.
I smiled, having now survived the whole experience, and legitimised my ability to review and grade the novel, according to the author’s strict rules.
5 stars for effort. He really had a go, getting his head all the way up his own arse and around the corner and I appreciate this aggressive approach.
However, the execution, the story, the plotting, the characters, the author’s voice, style and prose, all made me want to eat my own excrement, as I sort a more palatable aftertaste.
Perhaps the author is “too real” for me, like he says to all who leave bad reviews. I’m just another “dumbf*ck” and we are inching closer to the first reviewer who sees his genius.
I can imagine the author’s next book being an improvement. The effort, and the desire to succeed is definitely there, even if the unawareness that he hasn’t is not.
But I’ll eat my own shit (again) if he ever writes anything at a standard worth reading, let alone paying for, and praising in the ways that he demands.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 20, 2022
I received a free review copy of this book to write a honest review.
When it comes to self-pubs the reader tends to expect less, but the author boasted online about spending thousands of dollars on editing, so just to tell you: it's a lie.
The book is very poorly edited and formatted. There's a great redundancy of dialogue tags to a ridiculous level. For example internal thoughts would be both in italics and have a tag "he asked himself". Dialogue will be attributed with adverbs that are unnecessary because the dialogue line already indicates that emotion. Chapter breaks are not properly formatted. Prologue is not properly separated from the rest of the story. The quotation marks and dashes aren't formatted properly. The text isn't properly adjusted to both sides. The characters' actions and emotions are comically exaggerated or overly melodramatic.
Author also has an affinity to pricing the book at 9+ dollars which is completely not worth it for 300-something pages of writing at a level you can read for free on Royal Road, Wattpad or other websites. It looks like something a 15-year-old would write, and if that's your thing, there's plenty of free samples online, no need to waste 10 bucks.
When it comes to self-pubs the reader tends to expect less, but the author boasted online about spending thousands of dollars on editing, so just to tell you: it's a lie.
The book is very poorly edited and formatted. There's a great redundancy of dialogue tags to a ridiculous level. For example internal thoughts would be both in italics and have a tag "he asked himself". Dialogue will be attributed with adverbs that are unnecessary because the dialogue line already indicates that emotion. Chapter breaks are not properly formatted. Prologue is not properly separated from the rest of the story. The quotation marks and dashes aren't formatted properly. The text isn't properly adjusted to both sides. The characters' actions and emotions are comically exaggerated or overly melodramatic.
Author also has an affinity to pricing the book at 9+ dollars which is completely not worth it for 300-something pages of writing at a level you can read for free on Royal Road, Wattpad or other websites. It looks like something a 15-year-old would write, and if that's your thing, there's plenty of free samples online, no need to waste 10 bucks.
January 17, 2023
since my review was removed.
the book was a dumpster fire and this comment is definitely NOT related to jm.
the book was a dumpster fire and this comment is definitely NOT related to jm.
January 17, 2023
GOODREADS STOP DELETING MY REVIEWS CHALLENGE
I am playing with the idea of making a video review of this book so if I do I will post it here.
Why is this book marked “f-ing ableist” you ask? Well surely it’s not because of the author’s behavior, certainly not. It’s not as if he used the r-slur several times to harass another reviewer on Twitter, certainly not. No, it’s certainly not because of that. Yup, it is DEFINITELY because this book relies on ableist tropes like so many of the other books I’ve shelved under that tag 😜
The writing is trite and boring and cliche and boring and I was just completely bored and the book needed a good editor. If JM Arlen needs some recommendations for good editors I’m happy to direct him, assuming he actually wants their feedback.
This review is based COMPLETELY on the book itself and does not at all rely on the author’s behavior for my judgement. 🙃
I am playing with the idea of making a video review of this book so if I do I will post it here.
Why is this book marked “f-ing ableist” you ask? Well surely it’s not because of the author’s behavior, certainly not. It’s not as if he used the r-slur several times to harass another reviewer on Twitter, certainly not. No, it’s certainly not because of that. Yup, it is DEFINITELY because this book relies on ableist tropes like so many of the other books I’ve shelved under that tag 😜
The writing is trite and boring and cliche and boring and I was just completely bored and the book needed a good editor. If JM Arlen needs some recommendations for good editors I’m happy to direct him, assuming he actually wants their feedback.
This review is based COMPLETELY on the book itself and does not at all rely on the author’s behavior for my judgement. 🙃
January 31, 2024
-1/10
For some reason, Goodreads removed my review and rating. I did read this book, Goodreads, and it’s terrible. It shouldn’t be called a novel because it’s not one. This book is a series of loosely constructed, convoluted events with zero effective worldbuilding, zero character development, and garbage pacing. The Crystal Keepers is the epitome of “all tell, no show.”
It feels like it was written in a month and then hastily dropped onto Kindle without editing.
It’s not even so bad it’s funny. It’s just bad.
For some reason, Goodreads removed my review and rating. I did read this book, Goodreads, and it’s terrible. It shouldn’t be called a novel because it’s not one. This book is a series of loosely constructed, convoluted events with zero effective worldbuilding, zero character development, and garbage pacing. The Crystal Keepers is the epitome of “all tell, no show.”
It feels like it was written in a month and then hastily dropped onto Kindle without editing.
It’s not even so bad it’s funny. It’s just bad.
January 7, 2023
I did a buddy read of this with a friend at college a few weeks ago and I was scared to do a review. I've been debating on how to say this without being a total prick but realized that everyone else felt similarly. So I'm pretty okay now.
The plot sucks, I'm tired of pretending that a book isn't for me when the book is objectively bad. The main female protagonist is a pick me and experiences no character development. The male protagonist gave me a headache. What is the point of multiple worlds when they're never built upon? It was just a mess. And I can say that with confidence knowing the amount of editing and writing I've personally done during my education and job prospects.
Do not waste your time. The male protagonist is a projection of what author aspires to be without any character depth and the female protagonist is probably his wet dream. Not to mention that the moment I got on Twitter he really showed his true colors. What a fascinating sight. Karma truly does the trick. I want to ask the author though(because clearly checking reviews is his whole personality and pass time): why is it that the reviews that are from a year ago say the same thing than what was said before these recent ones? Is it truly the internet and supposed feminists that are the problem? Or are you just projecting your own bigotry on people because of your self-perpetuating incel lifestyle?
Thank you for your time :)
The plot sucks, I'm tired of pretending that a book isn't for me when the book is objectively bad. The main female protagonist is a pick me and experiences no character development. The male protagonist gave me a headache. What is the point of multiple worlds when they're never built upon? It was just a mess. And I can say that with confidence knowing the amount of editing and writing I've personally done during my education and job prospects.
Do not waste your time. The male protagonist is a projection of what author aspires to be without any character depth and the female protagonist is probably his wet dream. Not to mention that the moment I got on Twitter he really showed his true colors. What a fascinating sight. Karma truly does the trick. I want to ask the author though(because clearly checking reviews is his whole personality and pass time): why is it that the reviews that are from a year ago say the same thing than what was said before these recent ones? Is it truly the internet and supposed feminists that are the problem? Or are you just projecting your own bigotry on people because of your self-perpetuating incel lifestyle?
Thank you for your time :)
March 19, 2024
This review is based COMPLETELY on the book itself and nothing else
May 25, 2022
The Crystal Keepers is a fun, quick read. The world is charming, the monsters are intriguing, and I would happily read the next book in the series when it comes out.
The book is not perfect, and there are stylistic choices that didn’t quite land for me. I found the POV shift from Manie to Shawn a bit jarring (I was expecting it to alternate), and the descriptions, while evocative and frequently quite humorous, sometimes verged on too comedic for the scene they were in (on the whole, though, they added more than enough levity and personality to the book to be a net positive). There are also a handful of typos and formatting errors, which isn’t uncommon for a self-published book or even a traditionally published ebook these days. On the whole though, this was an engaging read and I’m very glad I took a chance on it.
Manie is one of the few female protagonists I’ve read lately who behaves like an actual traumatized teenager, and it was interesting to see her attempt to develop a coherent identity throughout the story after being denied agency since she was a very young child. That aspect alone makes it worth a read for me. She’s an incredibly dynamic character.
The villains’ motivations and connections to the other characters were also very interesting and a lot of fun to tease out. The story is full of twists and turns up to the very end, and it’s clear the author cares deeply about all of these characters and the world he is building. I am eager to see it expanded further in subsequent installments.
The book is not perfect, and there are stylistic choices that didn’t quite land for me. I found the POV shift from Manie to Shawn a bit jarring (I was expecting it to alternate), and the descriptions, while evocative and frequently quite humorous, sometimes verged on too comedic for the scene they were in (on the whole, though, they added more than enough levity and personality to the book to be a net positive). There are also a handful of typos and formatting errors, which isn’t uncommon for a self-published book or even a traditionally published ebook these days. On the whole though, this was an engaging read and I’m very glad I took a chance on it.
Manie is one of the few female protagonists I’ve read lately who behaves like an actual traumatized teenager, and it was interesting to see her attempt to develop a coherent identity throughout the story after being denied agency since she was a very young child. That aspect alone makes it worth a read for me. She’s an incredibly dynamic character.
The villains’ motivations and connections to the other characters were also very interesting and a lot of fun to tease out. The story is full of twists and turns up to the very end, and it’s clear the author cares deeply about all of these characters and the world he is building. I am eager to see it expanded further in subsequent installments.
January 22, 2024
This reads like an incel fantasy. Not only was this book a complete disappointment, but learning how you handle criticism was equally, if not more disappointing. Also, the cover was already a turn-off. But hey tried to give it a try and I can never get this time back.
To anyone deciding if they want to read it, don't. You're genuinely better off reading anything else. Onisions book had more character. Colleen Hoover is an absolute artist compared to whatever I just read. If you do decide to read it DO NOT find a PDF version. Absolutely do NOT do that.
To anyone deciding if they want to read it, don't. You're genuinely better off reading anything else. Onisions book had more character. Colleen Hoover is an absolute artist compared to whatever I just read. If you do decide to read it DO NOT find a PDF version. Absolutely do NOT do that.
July 18, 2024
No way :)
March 13, 2025
Apparently the author who wrote this book is known for abusing the Goodreads moderation policies by flagging negative reviews of his work as "hate speech", so I'll step lightly.
The Crystal Keepers does deserve one compliment - it makes the writing of Gloria Tesch, Ross Eberle and Hanz DeBartolo seem like Shakespeare. And to their credit, those self-published authors have excuses (rough childhood with grifting parents, financial troubles in a bad economy, severe mental illness). Arlen doesn't really have a good reason for why The Crystal Keepers is just SO bad, as he claims he spent thousands of dollars on editing and brags of this YA fantasy genre novel as a masterpiece. This might have been cute if he were younger and not a grown-ass man. The book is full of grammatical mistakes, rough, clunky language, characters with no relatability, no flaws, nothing that makes them interesting. The prose is dry and doesn't flow well. The book has an aggressive undertone the whole way through, if that makes any sense. As a reader you're not along for the ride on a fantasy adventure - you're being dragged by your ankles against rough gravel while your head keeps smacking against dried dog turds and litter on the road. It's not fun. I felt like a high school student being forced to read something boring by a stuffy teacher.
Another issue with The Crystal Keepers is that clearly this is, like the work of most "bad" self-published authors, a self-insert escapism where all other characters are just stock baddies or side props with the exception of the beautiful, perfect heroine and (of course) Shawn, the male protagonist. Arlen relies a lot on the typical MacGuffin plot device and throws in attributes that never make any sense, from giving characters special powers without explaining why or how they got them, to having them often fall into clumsy dialogue that is badly formatted and hard to read through. It's never explained why any of this is necessary or how the characters are able to do this. I think if Arlen had fleshed out the book's exposition more and not promoted it with such hubris, readers would have been more receptive to it. With the astounding number of self-published contemporary fantasy novels on the market today, you need a competitive edge, and The Crystal Keepers doesn't have that. There's clearly some level of effort to the writing, but effort doesn't equate to quality, and more often than not Arlen is just presuming readers will fawn over the book without putting effort into the writing itself. He's put a lot of passion into the characters, which is nice, but that's really all you can say for it. More often than not, the book is tone-deaf. One example early-on in the text:
"Manie threw her arms against wood doors, causing them to fling open and slap the opposite walls with a loud thwack."
1 - "Thwack"??
2 - This is literally just a couple of sentences away from the character "[grabbing] a long strip of cloth and [wrapping] it around her arm to stop the bleeding." And just after she scenes I've ever read.
3 - How does one "throw [their] arms against wood doors"? Ouch! And why the clunkiness? Wouldn't it flow better to say, "Manie pushed forcefully against the thick wooden doors" or something along those lines?
4 - I can't get over "Manie". Is that like "Manny" on Degrassi: the Next Generation? I keep slipping up and reading it as the more common name "Marnie", or "Maine", like the US State of Maine where Stephen King lives.
If professional editors were hired for this book, then somebody was ripped off. The formatting in the eBook edition makes it a very awkward tome to read through without crashing my device or literally consuming itself as you try to go from one chapter to the next, and while the printed ones look aesthetically more professional, reviewers who appear to have bought the print version still don't have much to say for the quality of the writing, so the format doesn't matter. The Crystal Keepers reads like an amateurish vanity press title more age-appropriate for preteen readers than young adults, but too "adult" (the protagonists are both high school age) and full of formatting errors to give to someone that age.
The Crystal Keepers does deserve one compliment - it makes the writing of Gloria Tesch, Ross Eberle and Hanz DeBartolo seem like Shakespeare. And to their credit, those self-published authors have excuses (rough childhood with grifting parents, financial troubles in a bad economy, severe mental illness). Arlen doesn't really have a good reason for why The Crystal Keepers is just SO bad, as he claims he spent thousands of dollars on editing and brags of this YA fantasy genre novel as a masterpiece. This might have been cute if he were younger and not a grown-ass man. The book is full of grammatical mistakes, rough, clunky language, characters with no relatability, no flaws, nothing that makes them interesting. The prose is dry and doesn't flow well. The book has an aggressive undertone the whole way through, if that makes any sense. As a reader you're not along for the ride on a fantasy adventure - you're being dragged by your ankles against rough gravel while your head keeps smacking against dried dog turds and litter on the road. It's not fun. I felt like a high school student being forced to read something boring by a stuffy teacher.
Another issue with The Crystal Keepers is that clearly this is, like the work of most "bad" self-published authors, a self-insert escapism where all other characters are just stock baddies or side props with the exception of the beautiful, perfect heroine and (of course) Shawn, the male protagonist. Arlen relies a lot on the typical MacGuffin plot device and throws in attributes that never make any sense, from giving characters special powers without explaining why or how they got them, to having them often fall into clumsy dialogue that is badly formatted and hard to read through. It's never explained why any of this is necessary or how the characters are able to do this. I think if Arlen had fleshed out the book's exposition more and not promoted it with such hubris, readers would have been more receptive to it. With the astounding number of self-published contemporary fantasy novels on the market today, you need a competitive edge, and The Crystal Keepers doesn't have that. There's clearly some level of effort to the writing, but effort doesn't equate to quality, and more often than not Arlen is just presuming readers will fawn over the book without putting effort into the writing itself. He's put a lot of passion into the characters, which is nice, but that's really all you can say for it. More often than not, the book is tone-deaf. One example early-on in the text:
"Manie threw her arms against wood doors, causing them to fling open and slap the opposite walls with a loud thwack."
1 - "Thwack"??
2 - This is literally just a couple of sentences away from the character "[grabbing] a long strip of cloth and [wrapping] it around her arm to stop the bleeding." And just after she scenes I've ever read.
3 - How does one "throw [their] arms against wood doors"? Ouch! And why the clunkiness? Wouldn't it flow better to say, "Manie pushed forcefully against the thick wooden doors" or something along those lines?
4 - I can't get over "Manie". Is that like "Manny" on Degrassi: the Next Generation? I keep slipping up and reading it as the more common name "Marnie", or "Maine", like the US State of Maine where Stephen King lives.
If professional editors were hired for this book, then somebody was ripped off. The formatting in the eBook edition makes it a very awkward tome to read through without crashing my device or literally consuming itself as you try to go from one chapter to the next, and while the printed ones look aesthetically more professional, reviewers who appear to have bought the print version still don't have much to say for the quality of the writing, so the format doesn't matter. The Crystal Keepers reads like an amateurish vanity press title more age-appropriate for preteen readers than young adults, but too "adult" (the protagonists are both high school age) and full of formatting errors to give to someone that age.
December 8, 2024
To those here hoping for another scathing rant, I am sorry to disappoint you.
I am aware of the author’s online presence and have been around since the original kerfuffle last year.
In good faith, I have chosen to read this work and leave this review, with only the story in mind.
A small disclaimer: I do not condone bad behaviour online and choose not to comment on it. I’m choosing to keep this review only book-related.
So let’s Begin.
*Spoilers*
What did I think of the Crystal Keepers?
This book feels like a first book in many ways.
Like a first love, there's the occasional stumble, a few awkward phrases and all the adoration and infatuation that comes with laying your heart out for someone new.
I think this is a very loved story, but someone without all the skills to bring it to grandeur. I believe in this story. It’s true to the genre while adding new elements, plant-based monsters, and a new look at fae and dragons.
I was a little surprised after the blurb and then reading, as I have expected this to be Manie’s journey from her point of view, but we spend the majority of the book with Shawn as our POV.
It breaks away from standard isekai/portal off the bat by opening in the other world, with two time skips it’s a bit of a rough start and proved hard to settle into.
From there, we jump over to our world and flick back to it fairly fast.
Our characters had guts but the writing of them made them lack heart. A lack of immersion was a disservice to the characters I know are in there, that I could feel just out of reach.
The setting was fascinating, if not always well explained and I found myself nodding along and mumbling “Oh I like that” more than I frowned and looked puzzled, wondering, “What now?”
Though there were a few of those moments.
I think that it’s the quality of the writing that holds this story back. Amateur mistakes are rampant, and I’m embarrassed on behalf of the person who edited this. There are far too many errors in here that should have been ironed out by a trained eye.
A lack of immersion, overuse of filtering and lack of sensory detail left parts feeling greyscale, while others burst vividly in dancing colours. There were moments I could see the world around me, as though I stood shivering beside Shawn and Manie in an enchanted forest. Other moments I had no idea where we were and didn’t know up from down.
The story, world and characters are not without problems. The character motivations and stakes were a touch inconsistent, and I didn’t always follow on with who was mad at who and why, but for the most part I found it a good and straightforward enough story to follow.
Was this the worst book of 22? Absolutely not.
Does it have room to improve? Absolutely.
Do I think it deserves the hate? No. No, I do not.
I think if you’re still reading this, and you’re willing to give this book a chance, you would be pleasantly surprised.
There’s lots to overlook, and it’s clearly a first book but that’s the thing, it’s just the first one. You can see progress between the start and finish, and for that alone, I would recommend this.
5* for effort on the author's part
3* for formatting and grammar
3* for consistency and follow through
4* for story
I am aware of the author’s online presence and have been around since the original kerfuffle last year.
In good faith, I have chosen to read this work and leave this review, with only the story in mind.
A small disclaimer: I do not condone bad behaviour online and choose not to comment on it. I’m choosing to keep this review only book-related.
So let’s Begin.
*Spoilers*
What did I think of the Crystal Keepers?
This book feels like a first book in many ways.
Like a first love, there's the occasional stumble, a few awkward phrases and all the adoration and infatuation that comes with laying your heart out for someone new.
I think this is a very loved story, but someone without all the skills to bring it to grandeur. I believe in this story. It’s true to the genre while adding new elements, plant-based monsters, and a new look at fae and dragons.
I was a little surprised after the blurb and then reading, as I have expected this to be Manie’s journey from her point of view, but we spend the majority of the book with Shawn as our POV.
It breaks away from standard isekai/portal off the bat by opening in the other world, with two time skips it’s a bit of a rough start and proved hard to settle into.
From there, we jump over to our world and flick back to it fairly fast.
Our characters had guts but the writing of them made them lack heart. A lack of immersion was a disservice to the characters I know are in there, that I could feel just out of reach.
The setting was fascinating, if not always well explained and I found myself nodding along and mumbling “Oh I like that” more than I frowned and looked puzzled, wondering, “What now?”
Though there were a few of those moments.
I think that it’s the quality of the writing that holds this story back. Amateur mistakes are rampant, and I’m embarrassed on behalf of the person who edited this. There are far too many errors in here that should have been ironed out by a trained eye.
A lack of immersion, overuse of filtering and lack of sensory detail left parts feeling greyscale, while others burst vividly in dancing colours. There were moments I could see the world around me, as though I stood shivering beside Shawn and Manie in an enchanted forest. Other moments I had no idea where we were and didn’t know up from down.
The story, world and characters are not without problems. The character motivations and stakes were a touch inconsistent, and I didn’t always follow on with who was mad at who and why, but for the most part I found it a good and straightforward enough story to follow.
Was this the worst book of 22? Absolutely not.
Does it have room to improve? Absolutely.
Do I think it deserves the hate? No. No, I do not.
I think if you’re still reading this, and you’re willing to give this book a chance, you would be pleasantly surprised.
There’s lots to overlook, and it’s clearly a first book but that’s the thing, it’s just the first one. You can see progress between the start and finish, and for that alone, I would recommend this.
5* for effort on the author's part
3* for formatting and grammar
3* for consistency and follow through
4* for story
January 15, 2025
Take every bargain-shelf, uninspired, slimy, never-actually-spoke-to-a-woman-before, generic, half-baked, telling-not-showing, vanity-published, forgettable, BORING fantasy book that every basement-dwelling fantasy fanboy has ever hammered out, stick it in a blender, and the sludge which comes out is The Crystal Keepers by J.M Arlen, noted for his frequent meltdowns over on Reddit. Do not even hate read.
March 9, 2025
I ignored this author once, twice, thrice. but the latest reddit outburst of shtting on everyone else and proclaiming himself the god of writing broke my patience.
i didn't read this book, nor will i ever. author's juvenile behaviour is advertisement of its contents enough. his narcissism tells me this would be an immature writing with a self-insert character, and i do not wish to experience being a such manchild in the least nor indulge in consequential powertrip.
i didn't read this book, nor will i ever. author's juvenile behaviour is advertisement of its contents enough. his narcissism tells me this would be an immature writing with a self-insert character, and i do not wish to experience being a such manchild in the least nor indulge in consequential powertrip.
November 26, 2023
Definitely not the worst book I’ve ever read. As an author who gets crapped on a lot I can respect wanting to be defensive because you put so much time into a novel and people give horrible reviews. The summer is a bit too far from the plot of the book but the book it self was a book I could actually get through. I’d recommend reading it once and if it’s not for you then read something else.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 6, 2024
Love how my review got removed, very cute. Uh, I like that the cover is blue, that's about it.
September 1, 2025
I read the sample of the book, I thought it was okay. It’s not the best I’ve read but I do think the reviews are a bit too harsh.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews