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Becoming Sister Wives
Kody Brown, his four wives--Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn--and their seventeen children have become one of the most famous families in the country. Now, with the candor and frankness that have drawn millions to their show, they reveal exactly how their special relationship works--the love and faith that drew them together, the pluses and pitfalls of having sister wives, and the practical and emotional complications of a lifestyle viewed by many with distrust, prejudice, even fear.
272 pages, Unknown Binding
First published May 1, 2012
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July 3, 2012
So I read this overnight while awake with a head cold, and looking for something diverting and light. It certainly is that. (I think I spent longer writing this review).
It was hard to know how to rate this book. The Browns are engaged on a crusade to rescue the reputation of polygamy from that of abuse, incest and discrimination and the book is part of that attempt at image repair. That doesn't mean it is dishonest exactly, but it would be naive to think material that would buy into those images isn't skimmed over. And at the end of the day, you can't achieve real understanding without accepting the possibility of criticism.
In fact, for what it is, the book is more honest than I expected. It's unlikely anyone would come out of reading this thinking that living a fundamentalist Mormon life is easy, or attractive. It tells like a long history of interpersonal struggles and bitter conflicts, one entirely skimmed over on the TV show. Fundamentalist Mormons view polygamy a little like Jane Fonda viewed exercise - something that's good for you because it's painful, difficult and uncomfortable. Because we struggle so hard with misery, they repeat ad infinitum, we become more understanding of other people's misery!More Christlike!. That's what really lies behind "It makes all of us better."
But while the interpersonal relations between the women, and some of the practicalities are laid bare, the book remains disingenuous when it comes to much of the how and the why. In the early part, Kody explains that he is the decision maker, the family patriarch, but is quick to minimise this as being because he is "the common denominator" between all three women. No mention of the role of a (male) priesthood holder in Mormonism, no discussion of divinely ordained gender roles, both of which are core to the beliefs of the church the Browns belong to. It's a bit like explaining communion as something Catholics do because "it tastes good".
It is simply impossible, and duplicitous, to accurately represent fundamentalist Morman views on polygamy without explaining the strong belief in separate gender roles, and a church where men have by birthright divine (and familial) authority that women lack. This is a religion which views salvation as a family affair, and one within which every family member has a very different role.
There are other nasties in the Brown's religion they skim over - no mention of the belief that Black men cannot achieve the religious authority that White patriarchs achieve; and the Browns repeated reference to being tolerant of people with different sexualities obscures their church's position that gay sex is sin, and its opposition to gay marriage.
It is always possible that the Browns, who decline to the name their particular church (it's the Apostolic United Brethren) do not agree with all its teachings. At one point, one of the women mentions that they are viewed as extremely liberal and easygoing within their own community. But if so, they should stop portraying themselves as the average, normal Mormon fundamentalist polygamists. It is more likely, I suspect, that they are following the guidelines Christine reports being taught as ways to handle the media - if asked about your faith, talk in generalities, and bring it back to your family.
Which the book certainly does. The intense love these people feel for their children, their strong belief that their children's lives are enriched by having half-siblings and other adult women around really shines (in fact, the sense that the wives view their own frustrations with this lifestyle as a sacrifice they make for their kids rears it head a few times). It's also clear that for most of the women, Kody represents a much more hands-on father than they've ever known. The intense patriachy they come from was reflected for me in this - Robyn describes with wonder watching Kody clean up a mess on one of his daughter's feet before bedtime, as if she had quite literally never seen a father take responsibility for such a day-to-day task before. Another wife exclaims with pleased shock that Kody actually spent time with other people's children sometimes! It's not worth getting too carried away - there's certainly no suggestion of Kody cooking, cleaning, or taking any domestic responsibility in the book. The women look after the home, and Kody is valued simply for turning up, and given bonus points for emoting. Even on child rearing, the women speak of developing their own discipline methods on their own kids, without reference to Kody. (And if you've watched the show, you'd know that these kids have serious charisma on TV, coming across as smart, smart-arse and appropriately rebellious).
I certainly believe in the possibility of a non-abusive polygamy. And I support absolutely the decriminalisation of polygamy, and letting consenting adults decide on their own marital arrangements. And in a world where most fundamentalist Mormons belong to abusive sects, the AUB's stance on underage marriage (turn 18 before the ceremony please!); education (college is ok, even if they mostly home or church school), and arranged marriage (church leaders still have to approve a marriage, but won't initiate one) is kinda welcome as an alternative. But to show the lives of those living within this faith without showing the basic, and often unpalatable, gender beliefs they rest on makes it just another piece of spin, and not the serious contribution to understanding that it could have been.
It was hard to know how to rate this book. The Browns are engaged on a crusade to rescue the reputation of polygamy from that of abuse, incest and discrimination and the book is part of that attempt at image repair. That doesn't mean it is dishonest exactly, but it would be naive to think material that would buy into those images isn't skimmed over. And at the end of the day, you can't achieve real understanding without accepting the possibility of criticism.
In fact, for what it is, the book is more honest than I expected. It's unlikely anyone would come out of reading this thinking that living a fundamentalist Mormon life is easy, or attractive. It tells like a long history of interpersonal struggles and bitter conflicts, one entirely skimmed over on the TV show. Fundamentalist Mormons view polygamy a little like Jane Fonda viewed exercise - something that's good for you because it's painful, difficult and uncomfortable. Because we struggle so hard with misery, they repeat ad infinitum, we become more understanding of other people's misery!More Christlike!. That's what really lies behind "It makes all of us better."
But while the interpersonal relations between the women, and some of the practicalities are laid bare, the book remains disingenuous when it comes to much of the how and the why. In the early part, Kody explains that he is the decision maker, the family patriarch, but is quick to minimise this as being because he is "the common denominator" between all three women. No mention of the role of a (male) priesthood holder in Mormonism, no discussion of divinely ordained gender roles, both of which are core to the beliefs of the church the Browns belong to. It's a bit like explaining communion as something Catholics do because "it tastes good".
It is simply impossible, and duplicitous, to accurately represent fundamentalist Morman views on polygamy without explaining the strong belief in separate gender roles, and a church where men have by birthright divine (and familial) authority that women lack. This is a religion which views salvation as a family affair, and one within which every family member has a very different role.
There are other nasties in the Brown's religion they skim over - no mention of the belief that Black men cannot achieve the religious authority that White patriarchs achieve; and the Browns repeated reference to being tolerant of people with different sexualities obscures their church's position that gay sex is sin, and its opposition to gay marriage.
It is always possible that the Browns, who decline to the name their particular church (it's the Apostolic United Brethren) do not agree with all its teachings. At one point, one of the women mentions that they are viewed as extremely liberal and easygoing within their own community. But if so, they should stop portraying themselves as the average, normal Mormon fundamentalist polygamists. It is more likely, I suspect, that they are following the guidelines Christine reports being taught as ways to handle the media - if asked about your faith, talk in generalities, and bring it back to your family.
Which the book certainly does. The intense love these people feel for their children, their strong belief that their children's lives are enriched by having half-siblings and other adult women around really shines (in fact, the sense that the wives view their own frustrations with this lifestyle as a sacrifice they make for their kids rears it head a few times). It's also clear that for most of the women, Kody represents a much more hands-on father than they've ever known. The intense patriachy they come from was reflected for me in this - Robyn describes with wonder watching Kody clean up a mess on one of his daughter's feet before bedtime, as if she had quite literally never seen a father take responsibility for such a day-to-day task before. Another wife exclaims with pleased shock that Kody actually spent time with other people's children sometimes! It's not worth getting too carried away - there's certainly no suggestion of Kody cooking, cleaning, or taking any domestic responsibility in the book. The women look after the home, and Kody is valued simply for turning up, and given bonus points for emoting. Even on child rearing, the women speak of developing their own discipline methods on their own kids, without reference to Kody. (And if you've watched the show, you'd know that these kids have serious charisma on TV, coming across as smart, smart-arse and appropriately rebellious).
I certainly believe in the possibility of a non-abusive polygamy. And I support absolutely the decriminalisation of polygamy, and letting consenting adults decide on their own marital arrangements. And in a world where most fundamentalist Mormons belong to abusive sects, the AUB's stance on underage marriage (turn 18 before the ceremony please!); education (college is ok, even if they mostly home or church school), and arranged marriage (church leaders still have to approve a marriage, but won't initiate one) is kinda welcome as an alternative. But to show the lives of those living within this faith without showing the basic, and often unpalatable, gender beliefs they rest on makes it just another piece of spin, and not the serious contribution to understanding that it could have been.
March 3, 2013
Started watching this series last week or so. (watched all seasons, playing catch up) At first I really liked all of them, but after a while you see the cracks they so try to hide. They try to show how great they live together but they are all very jealous. Reading this book it proves I was right about one woman. The one I liked most at first, is the one I like least now. The over controlling Meri. Reading this book it so confirms that she is not such a nice woman as she tries to portray on the show. She wants to be boss and always plays the victim.
I think she is postponing her decision if she wants to try for another child, because then she wont be pitied anymore. It was always poor Meri, who has only 1 child. ONLY!! Now that she could have another her role will change. She will not be able to play the victim cause she had the chance to have a baby. You also see on the show what a big spender she is.She wanted the biggest house with many bedrooms. And with the house that they are (not) going to buy, she has to have the 5th bedroom cause she has to have the wet bar. (what ever that is) ;)
Then you have saint Robyn. She seems nice , they all do but they are all so very conservative. Kody pretends he lets his kids choose their lives. Well we all watched he is constantly harping on that what he thinks is best,and makes sure they do what he wants.
I think I like Janelle and Kristine best.
Things that caught my eye is that when Robyn entered the picture,Meri and Kody decided the other 2 women did not need to know. Meri enjoyed her little secret with kody.
It is also obvious that Meri has treated Janelle very nasty. I have never heard or read about her really apologizing for that. She is always full of excuses.
Poor Janelle who slept in a little back room, having to watch Meri and Kody making out and being romantic. Meri who wanted Janelle to do it all her way in the kitchen.
Even in this book she blames Janelle, saying she is not honest to herself. No she is non-confrontational. which does not mean you are not honest!
She also stats she does not tell all because she wants to protect Janelle. To me this feels like she means Janelle did some horrible stuff but out of the good of her heart Meri is not going to tell. (rolls eyes)
I can go on and on with all the highlights I made reading this on my kindle.
Another thing. yes they tell a bit of the jealousy but I still feel this is a very superficial book. They talk about their faith only that they explain how they live. I still do not know their beliefs.
After reading this book where they showed a little of the cracks it is obvious that they hide most of it on the show.
I think she is postponing her decision if she wants to try for another child, because then she wont be pitied anymore. It was always poor Meri, who has only 1 child. ONLY!! Now that she could have another her role will change. She will not be able to play the victim cause she had the chance to have a baby. You also see on the show what a big spender she is.She wanted the biggest house with many bedrooms. And with the house that they are (not) going to buy, she has to have the 5th bedroom cause she has to have the wet bar. (what ever that is) ;)
Then you have saint Robyn. She seems nice , they all do but they are all so very conservative. Kody pretends he lets his kids choose their lives. Well we all watched he is constantly harping on that what he thinks is best,and makes sure they do what he wants.
I think I like Janelle and Kristine best.
Things that caught my eye is that when Robyn entered the picture,Meri and Kody decided the other 2 women did not need to know. Meri enjoyed her little secret with kody.
It is also obvious that Meri has treated Janelle very nasty. I have never heard or read about her really apologizing for that. She is always full of excuses.
Poor Janelle who slept in a little back room, having to watch Meri and Kody making out and being romantic. Meri who wanted Janelle to do it all her way in the kitchen.
Even in this book she blames Janelle, saying she is not honest to herself. No she is non-confrontational. which does not mean you are not honest!
She also stats she does not tell all because she wants to protect Janelle. To me this feels like she means Janelle did some horrible stuff but out of the good of her heart Meri is not going to tell. (rolls eyes)
I can go on and on with all the highlights I made reading this on my kindle.
Another thing. yes they tell a bit of the jealousy but I still feel this is a very superficial book. They talk about their faith only that they explain how they live. I still do not know their beliefs.
After reading this book where they showed a little of the cracks it is obvious that they hide most of it on the show.
January 21, 2013
After the first couple of chapters, it all just felt like it was getting regurgitated over and over again. The writing style was as flat and uninteresting as reading a textbook, and it all just felt very... whiny.
July 6, 2012
One of my not-so-secret shames is that I love TV tie-in books so when I saw that a Sister Wives book had come out, I had to get it. (Sister Wives is a reality TV show on TLC that stars Kody Brown, his four wives: Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn, and their seventeen children.)
Becoming Sister Wives is divided into four parts and each wife wrote her own section for each part. Part 1: Matrimony is each wife's story of how they came to marry Kody. Part 2: Sorority is about how the wives get along with each other. Part 3: Family is about how the financial side of the marriage works and how the wives raise their children. Part 4: Celebrity is about how the wives' extended families reacted to them being on a reality TV show and how the wives are handling the stress of press tours, etc. Kody wrote the prologue and epilogue.
Since I am a huge fan of the Sister Wives TV show, I'm happy to learn any inside information about the show and family that I can. One of the reasons I like the show so much is that for the most part everyone gets along and there isn't too much drama or negativity. After reading this book, I know that the Brown's are keeping a lot of the more negative things going on in their lives from the camera. The show gives the impression that the first three wives have always been best friends. However, according to the book, they actually have never gotten along that great and are friends on a surface level at most.
Although I mostly admire the Brown's for being discrete on the show and in the book, part of me wants to know some down and dirty secrets! The wives mention fights and conflicts but are vague about details. Janelle writes about moving out several years ago when she and Meri had a really bad fight but doesn't write anything about what the fight was about. Meri writes about how she and Kody courted someone before Janelle but broke of the engagement when things went sour. She gives no details about why. This book was only 270 pages with a pretty big font so there was definitely room for dishing dirt. I can understand why they didn't even though I was somewhat frustrated by it.
This book goes into more of the religious reasons that they believe in plural marriage but doesn't go all the way. I think they are probably afraid of alienating people if they explain the whole deal because it is a very male dominated thing, with the man being the only way his wives can get into heaven. Also, the Brown's emphasize that although they are fundamentalist Mormons, they are not part of the FLDS led by Warren Jeffs. They don't name their domination in the book but according to Wikipedia, they belong to the Apostolic United Brethren, which is fairly liberal as far as fundamentalist Mormon sects go.
Although this book is intended for those who watch Sister Wives, I think that it would also appeal to those who want to learn more about modern day polygamy. If you are a die-hard fan of the show like I am, then you need this book for sure.
Becoming Sister Wives is divided into four parts and each wife wrote her own section for each part. Part 1: Matrimony is each wife's story of how they came to marry Kody. Part 2: Sorority is about how the wives get along with each other. Part 3: Family is about how the financial side of the marriage works and how the wives raise their children. Part 4: Celebrity is about how the wives' extended families reacted to them being on a reality TV show and how the wives are handling the stress of press tours, etc. Kody wrote the prologue and epilogue.
Since I am a huge fan of the Sister Wives TV show, I'm happy to learn any inside information about the show and family that I can. One of the reasons I like the show so much is that for the most part everyone gets along and there isn't too much drama or negativity. After reading this book, I know that the Brown's are keeping a lot of the more negative things going on in their lives from the camera. The show gives the impression that the first three wives have always been best friends. However, according to the book, they actually have never gotten along that great and are friends on a surface level at most.
Although I mostly admire the Brown's for being discrete on the show and in the book, part of me wants to know some down and dirty secrets! The wives mention fights and conflicts but are vague about details. Janelle writes about moving out several years ago when she and Meri had a really bad fight but doesn't write anything about what the fight was about. Meri writes about how she and Kody courted someone before Janelle but broke of the engagement when things went sour. She gives no details about why. This book was only 270 pages with a pretty big font so there was definitely room for dishing dirt. I can understand why they didn't even though I was somewhat frustrated by it.
This book goes into more of the religious reasons that they believe in plural marriage but doesn't go all the way. I think they are probably afraid of alienating people if they explain the whole deal because it is a very male dominated thing, with the man being the only way his wives can get into heaven. Also, the Brown's emphasize that although they are fundamentalist Mormons, they are not part of the FLDS led by Warren Jeffs. They don't name their domination in the book but according to Wikipedia, they belong to the Apostolic United Brethren, which is fairly liberal as far as fundamentalist Mormon sects go.
Although this book is intended for those who watch Sister Wives, I think that it would also appeal to those who want to learn more about modern day polygamy. If you are a die-hard fan of the show like I am, then you need this book for sure.
April 18, 2013
This book was not necessary, unless a person wants to get their reality TV fix through the reading medium. Otherwise, there was no point in slaughtering trees to mass produce this title.
Why? Because the book is a friendly, glossed-over view of the Brown family and their polygamist lifestyle. If you have Netflix, just watch their TLC show instead of spending your time reading this. I checked out this book at the suggestion of my whacky book club, and I was hoping to get some insight into why on earth these ladies would make themselves so jealous and sad constantly.
Thank you Browns, for not telling me ANYTHING about your beliefs. I want to know the celestial side of plural marriage. What's going to happen in the afterlife that makes it worth all the sniping and gripes over whether Kody selected Robyn's wedding dress? (As an aside, any man [hell, any spouse of any gender at all] that's been married for 16 years shouldn't be THAT oblivious to how his wife/wives would feel if they discovered that he picked out a dress for his foxy, young new wife)
While I appreciated getting opinions from each wife, their stories remained the same without any indication that the wives have personalities of their own. I felt as though I was reading testimony from a group of robbers that made DAMN sure to collaborate beforehand to get their story straight for the cops.
I do not "get" plural marriage, and after reading this, my opinion is stronger than ever that I could never enter into a plural marriage (apologies to my husband). Ladies (and Kody), if you want me to understand your lifestyle, you're going to have to actually TALK about it. Explaining everyday chaos can show that your family is normal, but I wanted to know not only the spiritual side, but the financial side. One day the Brown family is broke, the next everyone has nice convertibles? Wait, what? Also - what happened with that failed courtship? It's mentioned, and then immediately brushed aside. Don't tease out information and then not follow up on it.
Hoo boy. This book, man.
Why? Because the book is a friendly, glossed-over view of the Brown family and their polygamist lifestyle. If you have Netflix, just watch their TLC show instead of spending your time reading this. I checked out this book at the suggestion of my whacky book club, and I was hoping to get some insight into why on earth these ladies would make themselves so jealous and sad constantly.
Thank you Browns, for not telling me ANYTHING about your beliefs. I want to know the celestial side of plural marriage. What's going to happen in the afterlife that makes it worth all the sniping and gripes over whether Kody selected Robyn's wedding dress? (As an aside, any man [hell, any spouse of any gender at all] that's been married for 16 years shouldn't be THAT oblivious to how his wife/wives would feel if they discovered that he picked out a dress for his foxy, young new wife)
While I appreciated getting opinions from each wife, their stories remained the same without any indication that the wives have personalities of their own. I felt as though I was reading testimony from a group of robbers that made DAMN sure to collaborate beforehand to get their story straight for the cops.
I do not "get" plural marriage, and after reading this, my opinion is stronger than ever that I could never enter into a plural marriage (apologies to my husband). Ladies (and Kody), if you want me to understand your lifestyle, you're going to have to actually TALK about it. Explaining everyday chaos can show that your family is normal, but I wanted to know not only the spiritual side, but the financial side. One day the Brown family is broke, the next everyone has nice convertibles? Wait, what? Also - what happened with that failed courtship? It's mentioned, and then immediately brushed aside. Don't tease out information and then not follow up on it.
Hoo boy. This book, man.
June 14, 2012
I am not a religious person and have not been exposed to much in the way of religion. I am sad to say that I have a preconceived idea of polygamy--underage brides out of touch with the world, many many babies who are not taken to the doctor or exposed to modern conveniences. When I started watching Sister Wives on netflix, I was appalled and intrigued at the same time. So when I found out that Janelle had written a book, I had to read it. The show started 16 years after their lives together started so there is alot of backstory you don't see on the show.
September 30, 2012
I have to admit that I came into this book completely sure that I knew exactly what they would say and that I wouldn't like it at all! Even the picture on the cover... those smug polygamists smiling away with the Utah mountains behind them thinking they are so clever, not realizing how difficult they make it for those of us who are truly LDS trying to convince the world there is no polygamy in the LDS faith anymore. Of course, I've never seen the show.
What I found, in this book, is a family. It is a family with a faith and beliefs that most people don't understand. And it is a family trying to do the best they can, believing that what they are doing is right. And, dang it! I like them! Now, I'm not convinced that they are right in their beliefs, but they are absolutely entitled to have them. They are not abusing young girls, or tearing up families. They are not living off the system or describing sensational sexual preferences. They are not mysterious perverts. They really seem like honest and chaste people who were either raised in this religion or converted as adults.
I don't agree that the practice of polygamy is something God is asking us to do in this time, but I think that if 5 consenting adults believe this and practice it with as much love and respect for themselves, each other and their children as these guys do, then let them do what they want.
At least he isn't out with all his "babies mommas" spreading his seed among whomever will sleep with him, leaving in the morning and not taking responsibility. You know the types. If you don't, just watch a few episodes of Maury Povich.
I'm not sure how I feel about them opening up their lifestyle to the public, but I truly believe that they believe they are trying to find enough acceptance so that the world is a better place for their kids.
It was an interesting book. It taught me a lot about my own prejudices and how unfair they can be. It helped me understand where they were coming from spiritually. And I really appreciated how they set themselves apart from the LDS religion numerous times. They were never disparaging, but always respectful.
Does it make me want a sister wife? Not really. But if these women can share something so sacred and rise above the pettiness of vanity, envy, jealousy, insecurities and doubt. And if they can work together to try and raise the best kids they can, surrounding those kids with as much love as they can, then these women are better than me in a lot of ways. It makes me not want to be catty about other women. It makes me want to be more secure in my marriage. And it makes me want to realize that judging others and their lifestyles because I don't understand it is perpetuating stupid. I don't want to perpetuate stupid!
What I found, in this book, is a family. It is a family with a faith and beliefs that most people don't understand. And it is a family trying to do the best they can, believing that what they are doing is right. And, dang it! I like them! Now, I'm not convinced that they are right in their beliefs, but they are absolutely entitled to have them. They are not abusing young girls, or tearing up families. They are not living off the system or describing sensational sexual preferences. They are not mysterious perverts. They really seem like honest and chaste people who were either raised in this religion or converted as adults.
I don't agree that the practice of polygamy is something God is asking us to do in this time, but I think that if 5 consenting adults believe this and practice it with as much love and respect for themselves, each other and their children as these guys do, then let them do what they want.
At least he isn't out with all his "babies mommas" spreading his seed among whomever will sleep with him, leaving in the morning and not taking responsibility. You know the types. If you don't, just watch a few episodes of Maury Povich.
I'm not sure how I feel about them opening up their lifestyle to the public, but I truly believe that they believe they are trying to find enough acceptance so that the world is a better place for their kids.
It was an interesting book. It taught me a lot about my own prejudices and how unfair they can be. It helped me understand where they were coming from spiritually. And I really appreciated how they set themselves apart from the LDS religion numerous times. They were never disparaging, but always respectful.
Does it make me want a sister wife? Not really. But if these women can share something so sacred and rise above the pettiness of vanity, envy, jealousy, insecurities and doubt. And if they can work together to try and raise the best kids they can, surrounding those kids with as much love as they can, then these women are better than me in a lot of ways. It makes me not want to be catty about other women. It makes me want to be more secure in my marriage. And it makes me want to realize that judging others and their lifestyles because I don't understand it is perpetuating stupid. I don't want to perpetuate stupid!
April 17, 2013
Over at the Onion AV Club (who, sadly, have not reviewed this book) there's a good review complaining about the recent rise in what they call the "tell-some" novel. Traditionally, tell-all books are supposed to tell all, just as it says on the tin, but more and more celebrities are choosing instead to churn out tepid, wishy-washy garbage that teases juicy details while coasting on the subject's status. By these standards, Becoming Sister Wives isn't even a tell-some, it's a tell-nothing.
I read this book for the same reason I watch the TV show Sister Wives: for the Nabokovian exercise of discerning where the 'cracks' are in the family-friendly facade the Browns produce for millions of people each week and just how screwed up they really are. Plus, my very strange Book Club chose it for April. In novel form, the Brown's family chronicle is less Nabokov and more Rashomon: the book is divided into four sections (respectively: 'Matrimony', 'Sorority', 'Family', 'Celebrity'), in which one wife talks about that aspect of their lives, then the next, and so forth. This makes it fun to spot the differences in, say, how two of the wives describe an event as being one persons fault and the third makes it sound like something completely different; however it also makes the whole thing kind of a slog: by the time you've heard one variant of 'it was hard but it got better', you've heard enough. In addition the writing quality is highly variable depending on which wife is writing: the fact that this carries over through the obvious filter of a paid ghostwriter is staggering.
Repetition and poor writing quality wouldn't necessarily sink a book of this nature; but being boring certainly does. There are a few revelations between the pages, but they're always brought up in a sentence or two and never mentioned again (what was the deal with Kody almost marrying a teenager, anyway?) In fact, the whole book consists of wasted opportunities: if this was the Brown's big chance to make a case for celestial plural marriage, they botched it by filling the book with sniping personal attacks on each other. Hell, they don't even explain what the concept means beyond "one guy marries lots of women" or how exactly it is religiously ordained - things I would very much like to know. They don't make polygamy sound like an ideal lifestyle: it sounds like hell on earth. But much like the television show that spawned it, Becoming Sister Wives shows occasional glimpses of something interesting, then buries it behind schmaltz and fake Mormon smiles. The Browns are much more entertaining when TLC does their editing for them - skip it.
I read this book for the same reason I watch the TV show Sister Wives: for the Nabokovian exercise of discerning where the 'cracks' are in the family-friendly facade the Browns produce for millions of people each week and just how screwed up they really are. Plus, my very strange Book Club chose it for April. In novel form, the Brown's family chronicle is less Nabokov and more Rashomon: the book is divided into four sections (respectively: 'Matrimony', 'Sorority', 'Family', 'Celebrity'), in which one wife talks about that aspect of their lives, then the next, and so forth. This makes it fun to spot the differences in, say, how two of the wives describe an event as being one persons fault and the third makes it sound like something completely different; however it also makes the whole thing kind of a slog: by the time you've heard one variant of 'it was hard but it got better', you've heard enough. In addition the writing quality is highly variable depending on which wife is writing: the fact that this carries over through the obvious filter of a paid ghostwriter is staggering.
Repetition and poor writing quality wouldn't necessarily sink a book of this nature; but being boring certainly does. There are a few revelations between the pages, but they're always brought up in a sentence or two and never mentioned again (what was the deal with Kody almost marrying a teenager, anyway?) In fact, the whole book consists of wasted opportunities: if this was the Brown's big chance to make a case for celestial plural marriage, they botched it by filling the book with sniping personal attacks on each other. Hell, they don't even explain what the concept means beyond "one guy marries lots of women" or how exactly it is religiously ordained - things I would very much like to know. They don't make polygamy sound like an ideal lifestyle: it sounds like hell on earth. But much like the television show that spawned it, Becoming Sister Wives shows occasional glimpses of something interesting, then buries it behind schmaltz and fake Mormon smiles. The Browns are much more entertaining when TLC does their editing for them - skip it.
February 17, 2013
If you love to hate Sister Wives the show, you will hate yourself while you read this book. Obviously the reason anyone would read a book about how these five people came to be in a polygamous marriage together would be for the dirty details they might share. Not the sex stuff, obviously they're not going there, but the real emotionally taxing stuff about, you know, SHARING YOUR HUSBAND. But they gloss over 99% of that. They also barely mention anything else interesting, like the financial troubles they've been through, a failed courtship that happened before Jenelle joined the family, Jenelle's whole connection to them in the first place (I'll leave it spoiler-free, but it's the most interesting part, I just wish there had been more).
The book is written in several sections and each wife writes a chapter within each section. I wish it had been written chronologically instead, because it's hard to piece together just how the timeline was (and I'd love to have heard more for Meri and Kody) when Jenelle and Christine were courted and brought into the family.
I also wish they'd talked about the religious principle of plural marriage more. They each explain that it's a part of their fundamentalist Mormon religion and it's sacred and celestial, but nothing really beyond that. And as someone who doesn't know many Mormons (and the ones I do are surely LDS) and doesn't know much about the religion, that would have been nice to hear. Because sharing your husband and marrying a guy you barely know who has a wife who kind of hates you sounds pretty awful, so I'd like to know more of what they think the upside is.
Reading Becoming Sister Wives is a lot like watching Sister Wives, but quieter.
The book is written in several sections and each wife writes a chapter within each section. I wish it had been written chronologically instead, because it's hard to piece together just how the timeline was (and I'd love to have heard more for Meri and Kody) when Jenelle and Christine were courted and brought into the family.
I also wish they'd talked about the religious principle of plural marriage more. They each explain that it's a part of their fundamentalist Mormon religion and it's sacred and celestial, but nothing really beyond that. And as someone who doesn't know many Mormons (and the ones I do are surely LDS) and doesn't know much about the religion, that would have been nice to hear. Because sharing your husband and marrying a guy you barely know who has a wife who kind of hates you sounds pretty awful, so I'd like to know more of what they think the upside is.
Reading Becoming Sister Wives is a lot like watching Sister Wives, but quieter.
February 7, 2016
The one positive thing I can say about this book is that it was good exercise for my eyes – it had them rolling in an endless loop. The overwhelming naiveté of the text was skillfully underlined by the bad writing.
Stories like the Browns’ are why religion has been losing ground and credibility. Their life choice begs one question – if religion is there to keep you away from sin, how come then is sin being justified by religion? - it is like the chicken or the egg dilemma.
Every religion and all branches of a religion can have different dogmas, teachings, beliefs, principles and a different God almighty. So therefore it is not about deciding to believe in God, it is about deciding which God to believe in in order to validate your life choices to society.
Now I don’t believe in sin and I don’t believe in celestial afterlife, but I firmly believe in the right of all beings to lead the life they choose as long as they don’t interfere with or hurt others.
I was struggling not to judge or ridicule the Browns but they make it really hard on you. They will try to convince you of the perfect family happiness they have obtained through years of sacrifice and prayer, but self-delusion screams so loudly through the pages it is deafening.
The more they talk of bliss, the more they sound amiss. There is deeply-rooted unhappiness and bitterness that is palpable throughout. By trying so hard to paint a picture-perfect family life, the Browns only reinforce the common belief that men who choose this lifestyle are egocentric and self-indulgent while the women are brainwashed.
Everything about one husband, many wives and numerous children speaks to me of inequality. But then again, maybe we should stop dreaming of equality in an imperfect world. For what does equality stand for? Does it mean all beings having the same rights and opportunities or does it mean all livings having their individual needs met? The paradox that are the Browns who stand up to the world proclaiming they are different while being afraid to stand up to themselves and their community admitting they are dysfunctional, only goes to show how little of our life choices really is a choice.
The self is struggling to breathe in an atmosphere polluted by expectations, traditions, prejudice, fear, judgment. Whether it is religion, community, society, virtual reality or our own hell, we are all subordinate and this is where we are all equal.
Stories like the Browns’ are why religion has been losing ground and credibility. Their life choice begs one question – if religion is there to keep you away from sin, how come then is sin being justified by religion? - it is like the chicken or the egg dilemma.
Every religion and all branches of a religion can have different dogmas, teachings, beliefs, principles and a different God almighty. So therefore it is not about deciding to believe in God, it is about deciding which God to believe in in order to validate your life choices to society.
Now I don’t believe in sin and I don’t believe in celestial afterlife, but I firmly believe in the right of all beings to lead the life they choose as long as they don’t interfere with or hurt others.
I was struggling not to judge or ridicule the Browns but they make it really hard on you. They will try to convince you of the perfect family happiness they have obtained through years of sacrifice and prayer, but self-delusion screams so loudly through the pages it is deafening.
The more they talk of bliss, the more they sound amiss. There is deeply-rooted unhappiness and bitterness that is palpable throughout. By trying so hard to paint a picture-perfect family life, the Browns only reinforce the common belief that men who choose this lifestyle are egocentric and self-indulgent while the women are brainwashed.
Everything about one husband, many wives and numerous children speaks to me of inequality. But then again, maybe we should stop dreaming of equality in an imperfect world. For what does equality stand for? Does it mean all beings having the same rights and opportunities or does it mean all livings having their individual needs met? The paradox that are the Browns who stand up to the world proclaiming they are different while being afraid to stand up to themselves and their community admitting they are dysfunctional, only goes to show how little of our life choices really is a choice.
The self is struggling to breathe in an atmosphere polluted by expectations, traditions, prejudice, fear, judgment. Whether it is religion, community, society, virtual reality or our own hell, we are all subordinate and this is where we are all equal.
July 10, 2020
I liked this book. I find it difficult to 'rate' non-fiction that's about people's lives - it feels a bit like I'd be rating how interesting their life was, or something along those lines.
The best part of this book, for me, was the insight into what Janelle, Meri, Christine and Robyn have experienced in their marriages to Kody. Their struggles and triumphs, and also their perspective on their choice and living with that choice. Janelle's story especially was fascinating to me - she chose Kody for faith and practical reasons, and love has sprung out of that over the years. Realising how hard these women have had to work, and how open they have had to be, really makes me admire them. Being a plural spouse is not easy and these women seem to handle it a lot better than I could ever imagine doing so. I admire their dedication and faith.
I'll admit that at times I was irritated with the impression of Kody that I was getting in the book - it came across a bit as a young kid, thinking 'Oh, this is great, I can be married to multiple women!' But he's stuck it out for the long haul, so I respect his determination as well.
I'd recommend this to anyone who has enjoyed the show, it's interesting to get their perspective on things.
The best part of this book, for me, was the insight into what Janelle, Meri, Christine and Robyn have experienced in their marriages to Kody. Their struggles and triumphs, and also their perspective on their choice and living with that choice. Janelle's story especially was fascinating to me - she chose Kody for faith and practical reasons, and love has sprung out of that over the years. Realising how hard these women have had to work, and how open they have had to be, really makes me admire them. Being a plural spouse is not easy and these women seem to handle it a lot better than I could ever imagine doing so. I admire their dedication and faith.
I'll admit that at times I was irritated with the impression of Kody that I was getting in the book - it came across a bit as a young kid, thinking 'Oh, this is great, I can be married to multiple women!' But he's stuck it out for the long haul, so I respect his determination as well.
I'd recommend this to anyone who has enjoyed the show, it's interesting to get their perspective on things.
July 2, 2012
I love watching Sister Wives. It was easy to breeze through this book. I really enjoyed getting more perspective from Janelle. All the wives of course, but reading her passages gave me a better understanding and liking of her as an individual. They are strong and seem to be independent women. I don't know how I would act in front of a camera or how much of my personal life I would want to detail for everyone to scrutinize. They are so brave for writing this book and doing their show. I enjoyed reading their histories separately and together from their individual perspectives. Even after watching the show and listening to them speak about their religion and plural marriage for some reason it had not sunk in for me that they were not FLDS. I just thought they were a different sect. I knew they did not agree with Jeffs, but in my ignorance I thought there were LDS and FLDS. I didn't realize that FLDS were not the only ones to practice plural marriage. They are Mormon Fundamentalists, right? Thank you Brown family for opening your lives to us!
February 26, 2023
Horribly written however I did enjoy the bits of history that weren’t told on the show.
July 1, 2012
Let me start off by saying that I do watch the show. It is a guilty pleasure of mine but I love to hate Kody Brown. Maybe I've got it all wrong and he is a perfectly wonderful guy but he just comes across as a mostly aloof, often cocky bastard. Although the book changed a lot of my original views of the family it certainly did little to change my opinion of him. Especially when he finds it necessary to write about how his third wife Christine was such a chubber and totally turned him off as he watched her inhale a big plate of chili cheese nachos. Shouldn't this moron have learned a thing or two about women in the last 20 years?? If my husband had EVER entertained such a thought about me you can bet it would be going to the grave with him. If that had ever come out of his mouth he would be following that thought to the grave.
I really enjoyed the honesty that these women used in telling their stories. The serious difficulties in the relationships between the wives is totally glossed over in the show. I truly felt the pain that they each struggled with. They see plural marriage as an opportunity to deal with their own "personal weaknesses" though I don't believe these normal human emotions should be viewed as weakness. Would the husband in these relationships ever watch their wives with another man and think, "Wow I really need to work in this jealousy problem I have."? It seems unfair but these families and individuals believe in their lifestyle, or Principle, to the core. I can respect that.
The writing wasn't amazing but it was more than adequate. Top notch writing would have taken away from the raw honesty. It wouldn't have felt as real to me. I also got an unintentional kick out of reading about Robyn's alter ego, She-Rah. I wondered if she has disappeared now or integrated herself in as a new sister wife.
All in all...I enjoyed it.
July 4, 2012
I first got interested in polygamy by watching "Big Love" which I thought did a good job showing the difference between the cult type polygamy and the "normal" one. Let me say that I am opposed to a group where there are child brides, wives passed around like currency, lack of education and health care and the dependence on government charity. This is the Warren Jeffers type of practice and I reject it.
The Browns do not practice that form of polygamy. They are all adults who entered the marriages willingly and with full knowledge.They have backgrounds in polygamy and chose to live their lifestyle. If that's the choice they made, I say "You go." It's not a problem to me. With four wives, they had seventeen children which is less than the Duggars who only have one official mother (I think the older siblings do a lot of mothering in that family). I liked the different stories and found them eye-opening. Each story was so unique and personal. I am relieved they didn't discuss their sex lives. Really not interested in that. It's the day-to-day events that I find interesting. I thought they shared a lot of information and loved the different child raising styles. Meri has always been my favorite wife and after reading the book, she still is. I think we could be friends. That Meri struggled in her relationship is no surprise. She was only 19 when she married and 22 when Kody took a second wife. She was still growing up. Her struggle with fertility was touching and makes her so vulnerable.
I personally would not like to lead their lives but then again they don't want to lead mine. And there are days when a couple of days off from the husband is not such a bad idea. What I appreciate most about the book is that opens up a new lifestyle and way of living. I love reading about people living different ways and the Browns have been very generous about sharing theirs.
The Browns do not practice that form of polygamy. They are all adults who entered the marriages willingly and with full knowledge.They have backgrounds in polygamy and chose to live their lifestyle. If that's the choice they made, I say "You go." It's not a problem to me. With four wives, they had seventeen children which is less than the Duggars who only have one official mother (I think the older siblings do a lot of mothering in that family). I liked the different stories and found them eye-opening. Each story was so unique and personal. I am relieved they didn't discuss their sex lives. Really not interested in that. It's the day-to-day events that I find interesting. I thought they shared a lot of information and loved the different child raising styles. Meri has always been my favorite wife and after reading the book, she still is. I think we could be friends. That Meri struggled in her relationship is no surprise. She was only 19 when she married and 22 when Kody took a second wife. She was still growing up. Her struggle with fertility was touching and makes her so vulnerable.
I personally would not like to lead their lives but then again they don't want to lead mine. And there are days when a couple of days off from the husband is not such a bad idea. What I appreciate most about the book is that opens up a new lifestyle and way of living. I love reading about people living different ways and the Browns have been very generous about sharing theirs.
November 16, 2020
This review is posted on my blog, Rachel Reading. If you like it, and would like to see more like it, please check it out!
So I do have a major addiction to reality TV, and I really don’t have any shame in that. I also have an addiction to books whether fiction or non-fiction, which help me understand the human experience so much more. I’ve always loved the Browns and found polygamy so intriguing. I never really understood a “good” form of polygamy before their show, I’d only ever heard that “polyamory” was good and that “polygamy” could never work. To me, the Brown’s TV show proved me wrong. I found myself really identifying with these women. Seeing parts of myself in all four wives, having a favorite, liking some better than others, it seemed so natural to me. Ever since them, I’ve always said, that I truly believe that if polygamy is a life that consenting adults choose, go for it. Everyone has the right to choose the marriage and family situation they want to live in, and from what I’ve seen from the Browns, their kids are happy, and healthy, as well as encouraged to be their own person without judgement. Some of the best parenting I’ve ever seen…but onto the book!
The book is broken up into sections, and I really liked the fact that Kody didn’t…really write it. I was much more interested in the wives, their perspectives on things and how they differed. The book was divided into four parts: Matrimony, Sorority, Family and Celebrity. Each wife got their own chapter, and with the exception of the Matrimony chapters which were written by each wife and Kody, they were written by each wife exclusively. The chapters were in marriage order: Meri, Janelle, Christine and then Robyn.
I thought I would go into this book with just a few “highlights”. For those of you who don’t know, I read on my Kindle often, and I have the ability to highlight passages that I identify with or want to keep. I had FORTY highlights in this book, an unheard amount for me, and the majority weren’t just goofy things that I thought were funny, they were actual things I took to heart. This was one of my favorites.
“Religion is by nature elitist. Everyone wants to believe that his way is the right way. Too many people, regardless of their faith, are small-minded enough to imagine that their beliefs, their doctrines, and their rituals are the only way to be saved or to know God. I’m not self centered enough to entertain these thoughts. In no way do I imagine that my family members are the only people who got it right. God speaks to each of us in His own way. He calls a person in that person’s language and reaches individuals in terms they will understand. What I’m called to do is not what you are called to do. I don’t consider followers of another religion any less worthy in God’s eyes or mine. I don’t believe that what’s appropriate for one person, is necessarily appropriate for all. The principle is my calling. It’s probably not yours- and that’s fine with me.”
It was also really refreshing to see these women talk about times when it WASN’T perfect.
“This was not the celestial plural marriage I’d imagined. It was uncomfortable and disheartening”
There’s a million more and maybe at some point I’ll share them all, but this book was full of so much wisdom. I think a lot of what they talk about when it comes to their relationship with their sister wives relates to friendships between women as well. There was child rearing advice, and just…existence advice. I wasn’t expecting to find quotes that were pertinent to MY relationship with God or with my life, in a book from Mormon Fundamentalists.
It just goes to remind me, and us, that we have more in common than we don’t. I could relate to these women, see myself in them, see how I would be in the instances they describe and it was amazing.
I really loved this book! It took me a bit to get through, sometimes it was hard to read all the wives accounts because often they would talk about things that we had either seen on the show, or another wife had already discussed. Sometimes even both. I would give this book four stars, and I would recommend to anyone interested in the human experience. Pretty good!
So I do have a major addiction to reality TV, and I really don’t have any shame in that. I also have an addiction to books whether fiction or non-fiction, which help me understand the human experience so much more. I’ve always loved the Browns and found polygamy so intriguing. I never really understood a “good” form of polygamy before their show, I’d only ever heard that “polyamory” was good and that “polygamy” could never work. To me, the Brown’s TV show proved me wrong. I found myself really identifying with these women. Seeing parts of myself in all four wives, having a favorite, liking some better than others, it seemed so natural to me. Ever since them, I’ve always said, that I truly believe that if polygamy is a life that consenting adults choose, go for it. Everyone has the right to choose the marriage and family situation they want to live in, and from what I’ve seen from the Browns, their kids are happy, and healthy, as well as encouraged to be their own person without judgement. Some of the best parenting I’ve ever seen…but onto the book!
The book is broken up into sections, and I really liked the fact that Kody didn’t…really write it. I was much more interested in the wives, their perspectives on things and how they differed. The book was divided into four parts: Matrimony, Sorority, Family and Celebrity. Each wife got their own chapter, and with the exception of the Matrimony chapters which were written by each wife and Kody, they were written by each wife exclusively. The chapters were in marriage order: Meri, Janelle, Christine and then Robyn.
I thought I would go into this book with just a few “highlights”. For those of you who don’t know, I read on my Kindle often, and I have the ability to highlight passages that I identify with or want to keep. I had FORTY highlights in this book, an unheard amount for me, and the majority weren’t just goofy things that I thought were funny, they were actual things I took to heart. This was one of my favorites.
“Religion is by nature elitist. Everyone wants to believe that his way is the right way. Too many people, regardless of their faith, are small-minded enough to imagine that their beliefs, their doctrines, and their rituals are the only way to be saved or to know God. I’m not self centered enough to entertain these thoughts. In no way do I imagine that my family members are the only people who got it right. God speaks to each of us in His own way. He calls a person in that person’s language and reaches individuals in terms they will understand. What I’m called to do is not what you are called to do. I don’t consider followers of another religion any less worthy in God’s eyes or mine. I don’t believe that what’s appropriate for one person, is necessarily appropriate for all. The principle is my calling. It’s probably not yours- and that’s fine with me.”
It was also really refreshing to see these women talk about times when it WASN’T perfect.
“This was not the celestial plural marriage I’d imagined. It was uncomfortable and disheartening”
There’s a million more and maybe at some point I’ll share them all, but this book was full of so much wisdom. I think a lot of what they talk about when it comes to their relationship with their sister wives relates to friendships between women as well. There was child rearing advice, and just…existence advice. I wasn’t expecting to find quotes that were pertinent to MY relationship with God or with my life, in a book from Mormon Fundamentalists.
It just goes to remind me, and us, that we have more in common than we don’t. I could relate to these women, see myself in them, see how I would be in the instances they describe and it was amazing.
I really loved this book! It took me a bit to get through, sometimes it was hard to read all the wives accounts because often they would talk about things that we had either seen on the show, or another wife had already discussed. Sometimes even both. I would give this book four stars, and I would recommend to anyone interested in the human experience. Pretty good!
January 8, 2023
First review of 2023!
I watch their show on TLC, but only recently knew (or maybe remembered) they had written a book. I’m glad I only recently remembered because reading this book with so much foresight was really interesting to say the least. This came out in 2012, an entire decade ago, which is weird to think how long I’ve been watching them on tv and how much has come to light, or changed. I don’t think it’s necessary to have watched the show to read this book, but I do think it’s important for providing context and additional insight.
Kody is a polygamist with 4 wives, or at least he did when the wrote the book. He’s down to one wife currently and it was really telling reading this book and seeing the cracks in their relationships that were honestly there from the start. Due to Kody’s clear, but unsurprising heavy handed influence in the book, including the wives parts I think this is more a loose interpretation of what happened. I also don’t understand how this includes the perspective of their kids growing up (like it said in the synopsis) when the kids had no hand in the book, and a lot of the kids were still pretty young.
With all this being said this was a really enlightening book, but I don’t think in the way they intended. It gave insight into their lives as they perceive them, and I would be really interested in hearing their perspectives now in this longer, straight from the source book style. Especially from Christine, and Janelle, two of the wives that left, and especially the children who are mostly adults now. That’s a perspective we really haven’t heard a lot from unfiltered and I think it would be really important toward understanding the full and complete story.
I think he succeeds in his mission so far as showing us, at least in their family dynamic, polygamy wasn’t the issue. As far as redeeming polygamy as a whole, or lifting the veil on their religion I don’t know how much it succeeds because anytime they talked about their beliefs they were pretty vague and unspecific, tossing out a couple terms here and there to make it sound official as they tend to do on the show. Had I not been watching the show this whole time and just picked up the book there would honestly be huge holes of missing information that I might not have even known were missing. I wasn’t expecting a full break down of their ideology in 270 pages because this really was more about the family rather then their belief system, but I was hoping for more information where those two things intersect. Their family dynamic wouldn’t exist, after all, without their ideology. They kind of just said “It’s not what you think, just trust us” without examples, or elaboration on how it’s different than the stereotypes in people’s heads. I think they kind of hide behind making the show, their book, or any media they participate in about their specific family to avoid having to answer questions about the more problematic aspects of their belief system.
This was just an interesting read for me. I like reading about this kind of stuff, and going back in time in a way and reading their documentation of their life at that point was really telling about where they’re at now. I would recommend this to fans of the show, or people who are interested in families who aren’t the “norm” but for anyone looking to understand polygamy, FLDS, or anything like that I don’t know how helpful this would be.
I watch their show on TLC, but only recently knew (or maybe remembered) they had written a book. I’m glad I only recently remembered because reading this book with so much foresight was really interesting to say the least. This came out in 2012, an entire decade ago, which is weird to think how long I’ve been watching them on tv and how much has come to light, or changed. I don’t think it’s necessary to have watched the show to read this book, but I do think it’s important for providing context and additional insight.
Kody is a polygamist with 4 wives, or at least he did when the wrote the book. He’s down to one wife currently and it was really telling reading this book and seeing the cracks in their relationships that were honestly there from the start. Due to Kody’s clear, but unsurprising heavy handed influence in the book, including the wives parts I think this is more a loose interpretation of what happened. I also don’t understand how this includes the perspective of their kids growing up (like it said in the synopsis) when the kids had no hand in the book, and a lot of the kids were still pretty young.
With all this being said this was a really enlightening book, but I don’t think in the way they intended. It gave insight into their lives as they perceive them, and I would be really interested in hearing their perspectives now in this longer, straight from the source book style. Especially from Christine, and Janelle, two of the wives that left, and especially the children who are mostly adults now. That’s a perspective we really haven’t heard a lot from unfiltered and I think it would be really important toward understanding the full and complete story.
I think he succeeds in his mission so far as showing us, at least in their family dynamic, polygamy wasn’t the issue. As far as redeeming polygamy as a whole, or lifting the veil on their religion I don’t know how much it succeeds because anytime they talked about their beliefs they were pretty vague and unspecific, tossing out a couple terms here and there to make it sound official as they tend to do on the show. Had I not been watching the show this whole time and just picked up the book there would honestly be huge holes of missing information that I might not have even known were missing. I wasn’t expecting a full break down of their ideology in 270 pages because this really was more about the family rather then their belief system, but I was hoping for more information where those two things intersect. Their family dynamic wouldn’t exist, after all, without their ideology. They kind of just said “It’s not what you think, just trust us” without examples, or elaboration on how it’s different than the stereotypes in people’s heads. I think they kind of hide behind making the show, their book, or any media they participate in about their specific family to avoid having to answer questions about the more problematic aspects of their belief system.
This was just an interesting read for me. I like reading about this kind of stuff, and going back in time in a way and reading their documentation of their life at that point was really telling about where they’re at now. I would recommend this to fans of the show, or people who are interested in families who aren’t the “norm” but for anyone looking to understand polygamy, FLDS, or anything like that I don’t know how helpful this would be.
June 27, 2012
I am completely fascinated with the Brown family and am not ashamed to admit that I love their reality show. When I saw that they had written a book, I immediately downloaded it on my Kindle and breezed through it in less than twenty-four hours. It's a very fast read!
This book doesn't have stellar writing. I assumed that the Browns had help writing the book, but it doesn't come across as slick or professional. It reads very much like a self published book written by people with zero writing experience. Maybe this made me like it a little more, giving them kudos for doing it themselves. I'm not sure what the truth it and can't be bothered to investigate.
The format bothered me a bit. The book rotates between Kody and his wives, each taking a chapter to discuss a particular topic, like how they came into the marriage and how being on a reality show has affected their lives. It made the read a bit tedious. I would have preferred it being written interview style and if the story had included the opinions of their children and friends.
Setting aside the writing and format, the Browns have an interesting story and they have put themselves at great risk to tell it. I am from a very small family and growing up an only child without cousins, I find large families to be intriguing. I also love reading about fringe groups and cultures that are different than my own. This is what makes the Browns so appealing, the are definitely outside what would be considered the norm, but in many ways, they are no different than the average American family. If they had not come public, many of their neighbors and coworkers would have had any idea that they practice polygamy.
One message that was repeated throughout the book was the idea of patience and understanding in a marriage. I felt like the Browns gave great relationship advice garnered through their years of being a family. This advice could apply to any type of relationship- couples, friends, relatives. The idea of listening and learning what another person needs and knowing that all needs might not be the same for every person. In creating a strong foundation for any type of relationship, you need to listen to a persons needs and then meet those needs with understanding and compassion. The Browns all echoed the sentiment of striving for their personal best and always working towards that never ending goal. A big part of reaching that goal is connecting with each other and their children, making sure everyone feels loved and a vital part of the team. I know that many people will write off the Browns for their beliefs or the fact that they are on a reality show, but all of that aside, I felt like the book offered some great advice towards being a better person. The Browns are all very clear that they are far from perfect and have many faults, but I think this makes them more sincere. This isn't an advice book and it's anything but preachy, it's just a family telling their story and what works (and doesn't work) for them.
This book doesn't have stellar writing. I assumed that the Browns had help writing the book, but it doesn't come across as slick or professional. It reads very much like a self published book written by people with zero writing experience. Maybe this made me like it a little more, giving them kudos for doing it themselves. I'm not sure what the truth it and can't be bothered to investigate.
The format bothered me a bit. The book rotates between Kody and his wives, each taking a chapter to discuss a particular topic, like how they came into the marriage and how being on a reality show has affected their lives. It made the read a bit tedious. I would have preferred it being written interview style and if the story had included the opinions of their children and friends.
Setting aside the writing and format, the Browns have an interesting story and they have put themselves at great risk to tell it. I am from a very small family and growing up an only child without cousins, I find large families to be intriguing. I also love reading about fringe groups and cultures that are different than my own. This is what makes the Browns so appealing, the are definitely outside what would be considered the norm, but in many ways, they are no different than the average American family. If they had not come public, many of their neighbors and coworkers would have had any idea that they practice polygamy.
One message that was repeated throughout the book was the idea of patience and understanding in a marriage. I felt like the Browns gave great relationship advice garnered through their years of being a family. This advice could apply to any type of relationship- couples, friends, relatives. The idea of listening and learning what another person needs and knowing that all needs might not be the same for every person. In creating a strong foundation for any type of relationship, you need to listen to a persons needs and then meet those needs with understanding and compassion. The Browns all echoed the sentiment of striving for their personal best and always working towards that never ending goal. A big part of reaching that goal is connecting with each other and their children, making sure everyone feels loved and a vital part of the team. I know that many people will write off the Browns for their beliefs or the fact that they are on a reality show, but all of that aside, I felt like the book offered some great advice towards being a better person. The Browns are all very clear that they are far from perfect and have many faults, but I think this makes them more sincere. This isn't an advice book and it's anything but preachy, it's just a family telling their story and what works (and doesn't work) for them.
June 26, 2012
Am a fan of the Browns' TV show, which has completely changed how I view polygamy. Polygamy is not just practiced by the FLDS--the Warren Jeffs cults where a man takes dozens of wives, engages in sexual abuse, and marries underage girls. In fact, this faith is frowned upon by all other Mormons, including the particular sect that the Brown family belongs to. In this faith, polygamy is not something entered into lightly. The book explained in more detail how things work, though I do wish there had been more in depth explanation about the religious aspects of it because I am very interested in understanding the faith fully. But it did explain the process of selecting and courting a wife in detail, which was enlightening.
It was interesting and worthwhile to read some of the behind-the-scenes emotional and logisitical stuff that they don't have the time to explore in the show. This book really delved into the women's relationships with Kody and each other and showed the ins and outs of what a polygamist marriage takes in order to succeed. It also went more deeply into why the family chose to participate in the reality show. All five of the adults in the family said that despite the stress that comes with doing documentary TV, it has been worth it to allow their family to live publicly and without fear and to gain more widespread acceptance of the plural marriage lifestyle. They are able to live as open polygamists and some of the moms even mentioned how wonderful it is to be able to go out together in public as a family--something they hadn't really been able to do until the show aired. Think about that: never being able to acknowledge your family outside of your home. The book and show do a great service to nonconventional families by showing the greater public that these people are just like you. They may live a different lifestyle, but they aren't freaks.
Very quick and easy read and quite insightful. The writing was actually pretty decent too. You are best served to read the book as a companion to the show, though--I think being able to watch the family in action on TV helps enhance the material in the book.
It was interesting and worthwhile to read some of the behind-the-scenes emotional and logisitical stuff that they don't have the time to explore in the show. This book really delved into the women's relationships with Kody and each other and showed the ins and outs of what a polygamist marriage takes in order to succeed. It also went more deeply into why the family chose to participate in the reality show. All five of the adults in the family said that despite the stress that comes with doing documentary TV, it has been worth it to allow their family to live publicly and without fear and to gain more widespread acceptance of the plural marriage lifestyle. They are able to live as open polygamists and some of the moms even mentioned how wonderful it is to be able to go out together in public as a family--something they hadn't really been able to do until the show aired. Think about that: never being able to acknowledge your family outside of your home. The book and show do a great service to nonconventional families by showing the greater public that these people are just like you. They may live a different lifestyle, but they aren't freaks.
Very quick and easy read and quite insightful. The writing was actually pretty decent too. You are best served to read the book as a companion to the show, though--I think being able to watch the family in action on TV helps enhance the material in the book.
June 29, 2012
I'm not really sure what to say about this book. I have watched every episode of their show, and I couldn't put this book down--I read it in less than 24 hours. I wasn't surprised by the "secrets" they shared in the book. If you watch the show, the tension between Meri and Janelle is evident. You could tell that Christine had a hard time with Robyn, and understandably so. There are great things about all of the wives and I like the way they work together in so many areas. I can see that there are benefits to their way of life, but I think a person can also have a similar experience if they are closely involved in a community of believers, you don't necessarily have to share the same husband to learn that it's not okay to scream at the top of your lungs when someone aggravates you. I have to admit that Robyn is my favorite, because it really does seem like she belongs with them, tying everyone together and ultimately making their relationships better with her 'emotional intelligence.' Ultimately this is not a lifestyle I could ever live, but I think what they are doing is fascinating. Also, Kody should really get some applause because we live in a world where some people cannot make one marriage work, men walk out on their wives all the time and fathers out there can't manage to spend time with 2 kids, much less 17. To be able to keep 3 marriages afloat for 16 years and to add another in with them, this guy definitely deserves a pat on the back! One question I wish could be answered, is what would all of the sister wives do if Kody died suddenly? Would they stay together as a family? Would they remarry? The wives all say they are committed to the family, but often it seems that they are only tolerating one another because they have to. I realize this question has not and probably will not ever be answered because answering it honestly could create unnecessary tension between sister wives, but I was curious about it throughout the book.
May 2, 2012
This book sure does paint a different picture than their TV show. That's probably because we get SO much background and personal accounts of their lives. I'm pretty shocked by the cruelty of Meri to Janelle, after I had perceived Meri to be so sweet. It's hard for me to read this book and see all of the negativity this family has had to wade through because up to this point, I had the Browns on a pedestal and thought their family was darn near perfect.
Some of the things bothered me and didn't match up with some of their interviews. Overall, I still have a lot of respect for the Browns and appreciate the courage it took for them to become public with their religion and lifestyle. I've lost a lot of respect for Meri though. :( It was hard to read how cruel she was to Janelle in the beginning of their relationship and that she's never truly taken to being her friend. It's also hard for me to read about how connected she is to Robyn who's just joined their family and not to these other women who've been her sister wives for sixteen years.
I had lots of questions about their religion and specifically WHY Janelle and Kody converted to the faith after being LDS for so many years. I finally got that answer and I'm glad I read this book. Love the Browns!
Some of the things bothered me and didn't match up with some of their interviews. Overall, I still have a lot of respect for the Browns and appreciate the courage it took for them to become public with their religion and lifestyle. I've lost a lot of respect for Meri though. :( It was hard to read how cruel she was to Janelle in the beginning of their relationship and that she's never truly taken to being her friend. It's also hard for me to read about how connected she is to Robyn who's just joined their family and not to these other women who've been her sister wives for sixteen years.
I had lots of questions about their religion and specifically WHY Janelle and Kody converted to the faith after being LDS for so many years. I finally got that answer and I'm glad I read this book. Love the Browns!
June 28, 2012
I gave this five stars not for the writing but for the willingness of the Browns to share their story in more detail than on their show. I am impressed with them in all their glory and difficulties. Anyone who judges them and their lifestyle needs to read this book to understand how much they work at growing their love and commitment to each other, their children and their faith. As Kody says in the Epilogue:
"This is what makes plural marriage so sacred to me -- this calling to transcend my limitations, to learn from others on a daily basis, to learn to accept. True love comes not from resting on your laurels but from hard work, devotion, dedication, and commitment. Before anyone thinks that polygamy is easy or uncomplicated, I urge them to consider how much work a single marriage takes -- and then multiply that times four."
I am honored to have been witness to this incredible family, and to opening minds and hearts to all loving relationships, not just the narrow definition of "normal."
"This is what makes plural marriage so sacred to me -- this calling to transcend my limitations, to learn from others on a daily basis, to learn to accept. True love comes not from resting on your laurels but from hard work, devotion, dedication, and commitment. Before anyone thinks that polygamy is easy or uncomplicated, I urge them to consider how much work a single marriage takes -- and then multiply that times four."
I am honored to have been witness to this incredible family, and to opening minds and hearts to all loving relationships, not just the narrow definition of "normal."
May 28, 2012
I will begin by saying that I have never actually seen their show. I don't have much knowledge on this lifestyle, and what I did have was not flattering. I believe that in order to love everyone I have to understand them and their way of life. I chose this book because from what I have heard this way of life works for the browns and I wanted more information. Personally I loved this book, it was heart felt and informative. The authors had obviously done some soul searching and care about their family and that was wonderful to see. One thing I didn't like though was that I didn't have a firm picture of the children. This is about the parents and their struggles and the joy of their marriage... but that is only half of the story. I am not saying that the youngest should have to pour their hearts out, but perhaps a few stories from the teenagers? I would have liked to have a better understanding of how the children feel and cope.
July 4, 2012
Ok, I'm told by many people that I watch way too much reality TV, and I can't argue. I started watching this show out of simple curiousity, but continued watching it when I realized that these were just regular people and that I actually liked them. It kind of surprised me. It's not a lifestyle I could ever adopt for myself, but I can respect their choice.
For those of you who may not know, this book (and the TLC reality show) tells the story of Kody Brown and his 4 wives. They are polygamists, who originally live in Utah, but later move to Nevada after Utah begins an investigation of the family on charges of bigamy. In an attempt to keep their family together, which includes 17 children, they attempt to start a new life in Nevada.
So, I admit it. I did enjoy this book and will continue to watch the show. Like I said, I watch way too much reality TV and I don't see me stopping any time soon! :)
For those of you who may not know, this book (and the TLC reality show) tells the story of Kody Brown and his 4 wives. They are polygamists, who originally live in Utah, but later move to Nevada after Utah begins an investigation of the family on charges of bigamy. In an attempt to keep their family together, which includes 17 children, they attempt to start a new life in Nevada.
So, I admit it. I did enjoy this book and will continue to watch the show. Like I said, I watch way too much reality TV and I don't see me stopping any time soon! :)
May 12, 2012
I like the show and was looking forward to learning more about their lives off camera.
Meri did not come off very well in this book. Janelle and Christine seem much more relatable, especially with their frustrations. Robin seems like a little girl, especially with "She-Ra."
I admire them coming forward and explaining more about how they came to the decision to be a large family.
Meri did not come off very well in this book. Janelle and Christine seem much more relatable, especially with their frustrations. Robin seems like a little girl, especially with "She-Ra."
I admire them coming forward and explaining more about how they came to the decision to be a large family.
April 6, 2020
I don’t know why I thought reading this was a good idea. Thank goodness I didn’t pay for it, and thank god I’m not in a five way marriage!
October 29, 2022
Becoming Sister Wives was a fast read, but could have ended about 100 pages sooner than it did. I skimmed the last 70 pages cause the book fell flat and I’m not interested in reading each wife’s parenting style.
This was the chance to explain why exactly celestial marriage with multiple wives is important to the Browns’ faith. What is expected in the afterlife due to such marriages? What is the main purpose for polygamy? None of that was explained. Sure I can Google it, but I wanted to hear from the Browns who have a long running reality show about living the polygamist lifestyle to tell me.
It was definitely interesting to read this book that was published in 2012 with the knowledge of how things have transpired over the last decade with members of their family.
This was the chance to explain why exactly celestial marriage with multiple wives is important to the Browns’ faith. What is expected in the afterlife due to such marriages? What is the main purpose for polygamy? None of that was explained. Sure I can Google it, but I wanted to hear from the Browns who have a long running reality show about living the polygamist lifestyle to tell me.
It was definitely interesting to read this book that was published in 2012 with the knowledge of how things have transpired over the last decade with members of their family.
March 12, 2017
I was very ambivalent about this book when I first started reading it. I just found it bizarre and just felt that the relationship between Kody and his four wives was more beneficial to him and caused the women all sorts of problems. Kody and his wives share a Mormon faith that believes in plural marriage and polygamy. In theory their beliefs may seem pure and to them a way of life that they all want to live and raise their children into but in practice there have been many issues and conflicts arising from this arrangement. I must admit as I read I became intrigued, so much so that I had to watch the show to try and gain a better understanding of this concept and see how it really played out. Although I may not understand it or believe in it I have to say that despite all the problems it creates, the Browns, all 22 of them....yes 5 adults and 17 children...seem to have a lot of love and respect for each other and a true belief in what they represent and do. Where there is conflict or jealousy they will try to overcome those negative emotions for the greater good of the family unit . Of course this may not make it right but I do get a sense of a loving family albeit a very strange one. Those very cynical people may say that they are not sincere as they are using their religion and situation for financial gain through the TV series but for me it makes for an entertaining couple of hours, both with reading the book and watching the show.
December 4, 2013
I have to start this review by saying that I've really come to love Sister Wives (the TV show). I had watched occasionally since it started but I became absolutely addicted during the summer of 2012, when I was pregnant & stuck inside a lot to avoid the heat. I had my favorites in the beginning but I've come to really like all of the unique members of this family!
The practice of polygamy has always fascinated me but until I started watching the Brown's on TV I had never seen any examples of polygamy that didn't involve forced marriage, abuse, & corruption. I wasn't sure what to expect but I definitely didn't expect to become so in love with this family! If you've ever seen (or even heard of) the show Sister Wives you should definitely pick up this book the next time you are looking for an interesting read!
With Kody & each of his four wives telling their stories-from how they met & married to the struggles of raising children to becoming known throughout America, the reader will learn a great deal about not only how this family works but of another side to the polygamy stories we've all surely heard. This book allows you to see the history that can't be fully shown in a TV show & details the complex relationships that make up this dynamic family.
A lot of my thoughts & feelings about this family changed after reading this book. My respect for Meri grew tremendously. I could never imagine how hard it must have been for her to go from having Kody's undivided love & attention to having to share him. Even though they knew from the beginning that they planned on living plural marriage I know it could not have been easy to transition. I also found myself surprised by how Janelle & Kody's relationship started out...I thought all four marriages had started as love matches, but that definitely did not seem the case for Janelle & Kody. I found myself shocked and impressed with Christine-I had no idea that she had been one of the faces of polygamy while working for Principle Voices. I had always just seen her as the one who took care of the kids. And then we have Robyn-I will admit when Kody first started courting her on the show I was not a fan. I thought she was the hot young wife & feared that Kody was going to neglected his other wives for her. I was annoyed with their whole relationship & It took me awhile to actually start to like her. But after reading her story I realize that she is an important piece in the Brown Family puzzle.
This book gives a deeper look into the Brown Family, one that I think many readers would enjoy!
The practice of polygamy has always fascinated me but until I started watching the Brown's on TV I had never seen any examples of polygamy that didn't involve forced marriage, abuse, & corruption. I wasn't sure what to expect but I definitely didn't expect to become so in love with this family! If you've ever seen (or even heard of) the show Sister Wives you should definitely pick up this book the next time you are looking for an interesting read!
With Kody & each of his four wives telling their stories-from how they met & married to the struggles of raising children to becoming known throughout America, the reader will learn a great deal about not only how this family works but of another side to the polygamy stories we've all surely heard. This book allows you to see the history that can't be fully shown in a TV show & details the complex relationships that make up this dynamic family.
A lot of my thoughts & feelings about this family changed after reading this book. My respect for Meri grew tremendously. I could never imagine how hard it must have been for her to go from having Kody's undivided love & attention to having to share him. Even though they knew from the beginning that they planned on living plural marriage I know it could not have been easy to transition. I also found myself surprised by how Janelle & Kody's relationship started out...I thought all four marriages had started as love matches, but that definitely did not seem the case for Janelle & Kody. I found myself shocked and impressed with Christine-I had no idea that she had been one of the faces of polygamy while working for Principle Voices. I had always just seen her as the one who took care of the kids. And then we have Robyn-I will admit when Kody first started courting her on the show I was not a fan. I thought she was the hot young wife & feared that Kody was going to neglected his other wives for her. I was annoyed with their whole relationship & It took me awhile to actually start to like her. But after reading her story I realize that she is an important piece in the Brown Family puzzle.
This book gives a deeper look into the Brown Family, one that I think many readers would enjoy!
August 24, 2013
Becoming Sister Wives is a depressing read, no doubt about it.
My expectation of the book was that it would be anecdotal about the upbringings of each of the adults and the daily life of the family, possibly even delving into their religion.
However, the focus is on the emotional hardships and difficulties the wives have experienced among themselves and Kody. It almost seems like in each of the sections, a wife was talking about depression or jealousy, or hitting rock bottom with Kody.
I respect they are each being completely honest with their feelings. I wonder if any of them read the other's portion before publishing?
Most of the book felt sloppily put together. There was too much tip-toeing around the facts of a particular situation to make Becoming Sister Wives interesting. I can only take so much of the continuing conflict of each wife being completely sure that the other wife needed to belong in the family, but essentially hate her guts every day.
I really didn't get the message that having sister wives is the best thing ever, as they are always promoting on the show. What I got out of this book is that having sister wives is extremely difficult - which completely proves the reality of the whole situation instead of sugarcoating it for tv - and that none of the wives are actually comfortable with the other three at this point in time.
I was surprised that there are barely any religious references for a family that is fundamentalist mormon. There wasn't much of an attempt to educate on the topic. There are only brief glimpses into the religious life.
If you like the show, then reading the book won't hurt. It's very easy to read. There's not much to get out of it in terms of facts. Just a lot of whining and depressing talk.
My expectation of the book was that it would be anecdotal about the upbringings of each of the adults and the daily life of the family, possibly even delving into their religion.
However, the focus is on the emotional hardships and difficulties the wives have experienced among themselves and Kody. It almost seems like in each of the sections, a wife was talking about depression or jealousy, or hitting rock bottom with Kody.
I respect they are each being completely honest with their feelings. I wonder if any of them read the other's portion before publishing?
Most of the book felt sloppily put together. There was too much tip-toeing around the facts of a particular situation to make Becoming Sister Wives interesting. I can only take so much of the continuing conflict of each wife being completely sure that the other wife needed to belong in the family, but essentially hate her guts every day.
I really didn't get the message that having sister wives is the best thing ever, as they are always promoting on the show. What I got out of this book is that having sister wives is extremely difficult - which completely proves the reality of the whole situation instead of sugarcoating it for tv - and that none of the wives are actually comfortable with the other three at this point in time.
I was surprised that there are barely any religious references for a family that is fundamentalist mormon. There wasn't much of an attempt to educate on the topic. There are only brief glimpses into the religious life.
If you like the show, then reading the book won't hurt. It's very easy to read. There's not much to get out of it in terms of facts. Just a lot of whining and depressing talk.
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