Wsparcie dla dorosłych synów z dysfunkcyjnych domów i ich bliskich. Dla DDA i DDD

by Robert J. Ackerman

• Masz trudności z wyrażaniem uczuć i utrzymywaniem relacji?
• Czasem nagle wybuchasz i nie wiesz dlaczego?
• Przewidujesz najgorsze i nie wierzysz w możliwość zmiany na dobre?
• Nie lubisz krytyki i obawiasz się porażki?
• Widzisz, że źle gospodarujesz czasem, ale nie potrafisz nic z tym zrobić?
• Nie potrafisz się całkiem odprężyć i swobodnie się bawić?

Jeśli na część z tych pytań odpowiedziałeś twierdząco, być może należysz do ogromnej grupy mężczyzn, których dr Robert Ackerman nazywa „milczącymi synami”. Milczący synowie mogą pochodzić z rodzin naznaczonych alkoholizmem, przemocą, perfekcjonizmem, skrajnym chłodem emocjonalnym czy krytycyzmem. Mężczyźni ci rzadko mówią o tym, czego doświadczyli w przeszłości. Wydaje się, że funkcjonują jak wszyscy inni – mają poczucie humoru, są lojalnymi przyjaciółmi i potrafią ciężko pracować – ale tak naprawdę wnoszą swoje cierpienie w każde miejsce, do którego docierają w życiu. Dr. Ackerman jest jednym z nich i jak nikt inny wie, jak pokonać problemy, z którymi się borykają.
W tej książce, będącej silnym wsparciem dla mężczyzn, pomaga też kobietom wreszcie zrozumieć, co czują ich partnerzy, synowie czy przyjaciele.

Jeśli jesteś mężczyzną, ta książka może być o tobie. Jeśli jesteś kobietą, może ona być o kimś, kogo kochasz.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help

326 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 1993

About the author

Dr. Robert J. Ackerman is Professor Emeritus from Indiana University of Pennsylvania and the previous Director of the Mid-Atlantic Addiction Research and Training Institute. He is co-founder of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics. He is the previous Editor of Counselor: The Magazine for Addiction and Behavioral Health Professionals and currently is the Chair of the Advisory Board.

Reviews

[Steve Woods · Rating 3 out of 5]

By the time a man picks up a book like this his life is already in tatters. Its usefulness lies in the process of identification. Generally as life disintegrates a person is just bewildered, sometimes to the point of total, incomprehensible demoralization. It is always shattering in one way but uplifting in another to realize that we are not alone and that it's not just me. In fact there are so many who arrive at the same point that people have been able to categorize and generally predict reasonably accurately what the felt and behavioral consequences will be from exposure to certain behaviors in others and certain environments, particularly if they a dysfunctional or damaging.

Unfortunately, that identification is only the first fluttering of recognition and while people like this author try to offer suggestions as to what might help someone deal with these issues, those suggestions are too often dust in a tornado. The process of "healing" or "recovery" or whatever else a person might want to call it, the journey is long, arduous, painful, extreme and very very personal. There maybe some who might be able to help along the way as in therapy, but at base it requires the kind of courage and fortitude that most cannot bring to bear and a level of insight that many never achieve; it occurs within and at depth. Most people in fact get stuck at the surface, they become professional "recoverers", their wounds become their persona. They never move on.

This phenomena arises from the idea that somehow this is something that"I" have to do. In fact, in a way it is the release of the broken sense of "self" into the flow of life and the disentanglement with everything a person thought they were, including the wounds they carry, that is required. That means that somehow a person needs to find the means to experience within, that which is not of "self" and learn to dwell in that space. It is here that the healing can take place and it is from here that the insights flow. This is the spiritual awakening that 12 step programs speak of, the power greater than self, which is certainly not a product of thought, that being the expression of "self" as it stands at any given moment. Thought is of the sick self and can play no part in its own remedy. the journey of freedom from the bondage of "self".

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an interesting read. Instead of falling into the trap of "I was denied a chocolate cupcake at the age of 4 so therefore I am a serial killer" it actually states the past does not predetermine the future. People, and in the case of this book, men can recognize the role that their past has on present actions and change.

I can also see how the concepts in this book can be applied to women as well. However as stated in the book women for the most part seek out help more than men.

[Edith Naava · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Robert Ackerman thank you for putting this book out there in the world for us to understand silent sons and why they are the way they are.

Personally having a friend who is a silent son has made me question our friendship and whether his lack of expression and silence are his way of telling me to keep distance but after reading this book, I understand him better now and I believe that staying strong on his behalf will help him while also making an effort to understand him.

To all ladies, friends and family who live with silent sons, grab a copy of this book and read it delicately and understand it. Don't give up on a person when you can be their rock.
I guarantee that you will not remain the same person with all the judgement you had before.

Incredible book

[Daniel Seifert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recommended text for "males" who had little or no influence from a father and those who work, mentor, and seek to understand adolescent and adult male development and who in a way are

One subtitle of an edition reads, "Men Raised in Dysfunctional Families and Those Who Love Them."

This research and application is helpful in gaining awareness and avenues to support challenges of males who struggle with EI, regulation, relationships due to living in dysfunctional families that affected relationships among fathers and sons and mothers and sons, romantic relationships, parenting and work.

[Maria Sestito]

helpful for women too!

[Beth Armstrong · Rating 3 out of 5]

A tad dated; don't know that the sort of guy who should read this book would.

[Cindy Scinto · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for both men and women who want to understand what makes men who they are. Good examples and advice are offered.

[Ewelina Krupniewska · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bardzo polecam! Dobrze napisana - językiem dostępnym dla każdego. Uważam, że może być pomocna w zrozumieniu siebie i swoich trudności w relacjach i radzeniu sobie z emocjami

[Chris Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Slow book, but has plenty of useful information if you take the time to muddle through it.