Hold Me Under

Water, Air, Earth, Fire #1

by Riley Nash

Love is cheap. Love is cruel. Love can’t save us.

Victor Lang had everything—looks, money, fame. A chance to become the greatest swimmer in history. Until a failed dope test brought him crashing down.
According to the rumors, he turned into a recluse, a drug addict, a whore. Broken beyond repair. Incapable of love.
And for some reason, he’s set his sights on me.

A freak accident in his pool throws me into a world of wealth and status and people who are willing to do anything to get what they want. Before I know it, I’m being paid to fly to Italy and pose as his boyfriend. Trapped at his side, I learn what it means to truly hate someone.
Turns out, that’s exactly what he wants.

I can’t save him, and I can’t love him. But as things fall apart and I discover the truths he’s hiding, I learn that hate can be greater than love—an obsession, a prayer, dark days and darker nights, a need to be the only one who hurts him. Hate can heal the worst wounds love leaves behind.
But I have problems of my own, a broken spirit and loved ones to protect. And I’m scared to face the things he’s waking up inside of me.

A gritty, emotional, epic hate-to-love slow burn with an inexperienced top and his bratty bottom, hurt/comfort, obsession, and healing. Guaranteed HEA!

Genres: M M Romance, Enemies To Lovers, Romance, Contemporary, Sports, LGBT, Dark

350 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 14, 2022

About the author

International bestselling author Riley Nash (he/they) is based in the rainy PNW and writes stories about broken boys who find home in each other, hurt/comfort, and mental health rep.

Reviews

[Noah · Rating 3 out of 5]

“If you knew, you’d never look at me again. I wouldn’t even be worth your hate.”

Oh hey, wouldn't you know it, this is my second "hate romance" of the year already! Instead of falling into these books accidentally, let’s pretend like I’m doing this on purpose. Like I’m building up an immunity, taking small doses of poison and all that. And who knows, maybe in the future these kinds of books will be the only thing I read! Move aside fantasy, here's my new favorite genre! But as of right now I’m still only tentatively enjoying the genre. Don't get me wrong, this was good, but I think "wicked romance" books are always in danger of becoming a bit tiresome after a while. By the time I reached the halfway point I was already talking to the text, saying out loud to Ethan “you know you could just leave, right?” Look, I know that there were story reasons as to why these characters are stuck in this situation in the first place, but that’s my point, when you constantly have to come up with reasons why two people who hate each other stay in each other’s company to satisfy some kind of “enemies-to-lovers” trope, it can come across as contrived rather than anything natural. This book might have been better suited for a multiple year kind of story (like in When Harry Met Sally) so that it could give enough time for their hatred to thaw into something less... hateful. Also, I know the whole “rich-and-famous-person-gets-with-a-normie” thing is really popular, so I don't want to diss it, but I’ve honestly never really been the biggest fan. I think it’s how they’re always advertised as a learning experience for both sides. Though, thankfully this book handles this aspect surprisingly well, because normally in these things, I'm forced to suffer through the narrative constantly twisting back and forth in order to make the romance stand on equal-footing. Constant justifications like this always bother the hell out of me. Sorry, but there’s always going to be an inherent power imbalance, so it’s best not to pretend otherwise. And to its credit, there’s absolutely no pretending in this book, only a raw intensity and honesty that makes it both difficult to read and almost impossible to look away.

As for the story itself, this was pretty good. Well written and poignant in all the right places and all that jazz. Victor Lang is an abused figure and despite all his riches, at no point in this story did I envy his situation. It's not the easiest thing to do, but the author really made him seem like a prisoner to his fame. For the most part, I think that this book portrays him in a respectful fashion, but it did make me a little uncomfortable at points because you could tell by the narration that we're still supposed to find him sexy (just look at the cover). You could also tell in the way the other characters would talk about his promiscuous nature (to his face!?). I was always wondering why there were so many terrible people around? Everything they were saying was always so heightened that it sometimes sounded more like porn dialogue than something befitting a "rescue romance" intended to capture our hearts. Does anybody really talk like this? I guess you could argue that these things help to add to Victor's helplessness, and gives the story a sense of urgency about his situation, but I think you need to be careful with the whole “sexy and damaged” character because it can easily dip into romanticizing that kind of situation. And while I don’t think this book goes too far into that territory, it’s noticeable if you’re looking for it. I know for a lot of folks this characterization will be a huge selling-point, and I get it, you know? These "toxic romance" books can be darkly alluring and incredibly addictive if done right. Like an Alternative R&B song; the lyrics might make you raise an eyebrow, but you can’t help but listen, nodding along the whole way through. In fact, I might have liked this more if it wasn’t a romance. Blasphemous, I know, but there were many points where I thought that a relationship definitely isn’t what Victor needs. I don't know, find peace in some other kind of way. What if we had an unreliable narrator? We’re supposed to think Ethan’s a different kind of lover for Victor (because we’re constantly told as such), but sometimes I’d wonder at his true intentions. Was he truly as altruistic as we’re supposed to believe? I mean, yeah, he clearly was, because this book ultimately has a happy ending, but I thought it could have been an interesting angle to explore. Oh well, that’s not what this book is, and I’m totally fine with that. I still liked it! It was good… not good good, but still good.

Broken home baby / I can never hate ya / Even though you drain the soul out of my eyes / Even though you had me crying every night / I see you’re trying / I’m grateful 'cause I see you’re trying (Apple Juice – Jessie Reyez)

[nark · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 stars. ⭐

✦ this was... not great.
✦ i don't know if i just don't mesh well with this author's writing style or what... but i am quite frankly flabbergasted that so many people absolutely loved this book. like i'm happy for y'all, but i don't get it lmao.💀

you know that amazing, smooth, gradual development that happens in well written enemies-to-lovers books? it was just not here for me. like AT ALL.

✦ the relationship development between these two was just... weird? i honestly didn't feel any real connection between the mcs overall. their relationship was just bizarre to me in general. a lot of the things they said to each other made me roll my eyes, and some of their actions barely made sense at all.
✦ and don't even get me started on the plot.
✦ anyways... i don't have anything else to say lmao. moving on.😶

[Mila · Rating 4 out of 5]

***4.5 rating***

"You tore me open and put me back together but you kept something for yourself. You won’t give it back, and now I belong to you."

Please check the TW before reading the book.

I can't believe I waited so long to start this series! SMH. But I suppose it's better late than never. To my surprise, this book is Riley's debut. I couldn't believe it; it felt like the author had been writing forever. Nonetheless, it was a stunning debut 💙.

I loved Victor and Ethan together and individually. Some thought Victor was unlikable at the beginning, but from the start, I knew he was going to win me over. There's something about broken boys, you know? You want to know their story and why they are the way they are. Vic was that for me. He was broody and dark, a fallen/disgraced professional swimmer who captures the attention of the boy next door, Ethan. Ethan was intrigued by him from their very first interaction. He and his cousin, Danny, idealized him as young boys. It's not every day you see your idol up close and personal, fallen or not.

Ethan's job brought Vic into his life, and from then on, their lives were intertwined. At the request of Vic's awful father, Ethan faces an offer he cannot refuse. It is then that the fake dating begins, but how long can their connection be a supposed façade?

You cannot fake chemistry, and these two try to resist the pull they have toward each other. No matter how much they try to deny their connection, they naturally gravitate toward each other. Ethan realizes that Vic is perhaps not the disgraced athlete he had imagined him to be. Perhaps there is more to Vic than meets the eye? Vic, likewise, starts to enjoy having Ethan around. He appreciates their conversations and Ethan's company. The more they get to know one another, the harder it becomes to ignore that something is going on between them. Ethan starts to piece together Vic's life's puzzle. What exactly happened to Vic? The reader also realizes that something sinister happened to Victor, and as Vic's past and secrets start to unravel, so do your feelings about our supposed bad boy.

I sort of figured that Vic was suffering from some mental health issues, but when Riley revealed his past, my heart broke for Victor. His need to constantly swim his problems away started to make sense. As a swimmer, I understood Vic. He felt safest and most at peace in the water. He was alone and lived in the dark, until Ethan. Ethan, like swimming, brought him peace. Ethan understood him. He felt safe with him. I understood Vic's reluctance to trust anyone or let anyone in. With Ethan, it was different. Their "hate" for each other made it hard to fake the honesty they had established between one another. With Ethan, Vic finally had someone in his corner, someone who could possibly love him.

Riley's writing made their romance believable and worth rooting for. I wanted the monsters in Vic's life to be brought to justice, and naturally, Riley gave the readers what they wanted. The HEA was beautiful and well-deserved. I read the bonus epilogue, and I can't wait to read Gray's story.

This series has won me over, and I can't wait to read the rest. I heard the last book of the series is going to be MMM👀👀. Perhaps that will be the book that will pop my MMM cherry?👀

[Kati *☆･ﾟ · Rating 5 out of 5]

re-read on audio August 2023

In preparation of this series’ last book’s release, I’m revisiting these awesome books. And for this first one: I think I loved Ethan’s and Viktor’s story even more the second time around. It really was like fate made them meet. ♡ And now I'm even more excited for "Teach Me to Sin" after meeting Alek again.


side note for the audio: JF Harding and Stephen Dexter did a wonderful job narrating the audio. Unfortunately the reading speed of the narrators didn’t match at all. It’s one of the most annoying things I experience with dual narrations when you have to pick up your phone to adjust the speed with each chapter!! *huff And with listening to JFH on 1.0 speed and SD on 1.2 there really was no middle ground to be found.


5***** alone but not lonely stars ☆

I’m still a little speechless after finishing this book.

I didn’t know what it meant to feel safe until you hated me.

These two seemed so fucking lost. Both of their own. They seemed broken. Each of them in their own way. Watching them was heartbreaking. And it was not even like I felt a crushing pain reading their story but like a constant ache.

As long as he’s here, nothing bad can come near me because there’s no room for anything but him and me and the ways we hurt each other.

I’m glad they found one another. They needed one another.

⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎
This book was also beautifully written, especially considering this is a debut - it pulled the emotions right out of me. I totally recommend to read it. It won’t destroy you but will leave you feeling very deeply.

“I always wished I was a star“ … “No one can reach them; no one can touch them. They’re alone. But they’re not lonely.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I wouldn’t be lonely, if it were me.” … “And because you’d be the star next to me.”

To me this was perfection.
I already put the second book in the series onto my tbr.

☆

------------------

Awwww ... ♡ Did you know there was a short story for Ethan and Victor?

"Changing Paths" takes place after the events of "Hold Me Under" right before "Make Me Fall". Sweet and hot as both boys visit a thrift store. And it also makes you wonder a little more about the mystery that is stern lawyer Gray Freeman.

You can find the short on the author's website: https://www.rileynashbooks.com/freebies



**************
Water, Air, Earth, Fire Series:

Book 1 - Hold Me Under - 5.0 stars
Book 2 - Make Me Fall - 5.0 stars ♡
Book 2.5 - And All Their Stars - 5.0 stars
Book 3 - Show Me Wonders - 4.5 stars
Book 4 - Teach Me to Sin - 5.0 stars

Xmas Novella Bundle - Merry and Bright - 4.5 stars

[Shile (Hazard's Version) on-hiatus · Rating 2 out of 5]

Audiobook - 5+++++++ eargasm stars

Story - Welp time of death 65% rating up to that point - 1.75 stars

I am sorry..



I tried, but! I can't find a story/plot here. Both characters are unlikable, and I love me some unlikable characters, Victor and Ethan are just there. Victor's actions don't make sense, he is just mean for the sake of being mean, like one of those toddler meanies. I know the author hints at some abuse that supposedly made him that way, at this point, I am not interested in knowing.

Too many plot holes already, scenes left hanging, conversations left hanging. Too bad, this one had potential. I don't feel the chemistry between the MCs.

Anyhoo, the audiobook is amazing!! Highly recommended for eargasm purposes. The story welp!

[Marci · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to stay here forever and I want to go home. I never want to see him again and I can’t stand to look away.

Dare I say this is one of few books with the fake dating trope where the fake dating makes sense to me idk!!! God knows I don’t read romances for the realism but I liked that! And then throw in them actually despising each other so the fake dating is a touch challenging. Not like the surface level dislike but the you’ve insulted my mother and I hope you die dislike!!! Ethan & Victor get off to a rocky start when they first meet. Victor is a disgraced ex professional swimmer and Ethan is a landscaper who ends up with a bigger responsibility than he bargained for when he first showed up to Victor’s mansion. Victor’s billionaire father wants to rehabilitate Victor’s image and make Victor the figurehead of his new dating app to rake in the downloads. They have it be that Victor & Ethan met on the dating app & the rest was history. Ethan’s mother will get the treatment she needs and he’ll be paid 2 million dollars (which Victor is aware of). But will they actually be able to sell that story while Victor wants to hurt Ethan with his words as much as he can? And with Ethan growing even more resentful of Victor and their situation? And most importantly will they both leave this situation in one piece? Yeah this was so excellent. The writing was incredibly engaging and the story was so gritty and real. The fake dating trope paired with this intense story made for such an interesting contrast. I love me an asshole anti hero and oh brother did Victor fit the bill. He’s so willing to push everyone away with the twisted notion of that meaning he’s won in the end, somehow. His name is so fitting. He’s always fighting some sort of battle - against others and against himself. He’s miserable and he’s lost everything but he needs to somehow feel like *this* is winning. Victor wants to destroy himself before anyone else has the chance. It’s easier to have the false perception of you be hated than it is to be fully known. I adore him so so so SO much. My best boy that deserves the world. If Victor Lang has a million fans, I am one of them. If Victor Lang has five fans, I am one of them. If Victor Lang has one fan, that one is me. If Victor Lang has no fans, I am dead. If the world is against Victor Lang then I am against the entire world.

Nights are too long, but I hate the days, too. There’s no good time to be alive.

Ethan is just trying to stay afloat with the weight of his responsibilities weighing him down. It takes time but they slowly begin to see each other as more than an adversary. The progression didn’t feel unearned or rushed in any way. Their relationship is full of push and pull and they hate that they want each other but have no choice but to give in to their desires. They didn’t suddenly seem like different characters once they were together, they didn’t turn all mushy because that’s just not them. We didn’t even see Victor say I love you but he makes it known to Ethan in his own way. I respect that! It just wouldn’t be Victor if he was shouting his love from the rooftops. The hurt/comfort went both ways and to see stone cold I’m never going to love anyone Victor Lang call Ethan his soft boy and comfort him with cuddles for hours…yeah that’s cinema baby. I’ve been bored by my current reads feeling so done before with characters I’ve seen a million times already and this was just something fresh and exciting for me. I love you Victor Lang. You absolute hater, you. A true one of one character.❤️ And finally, I hope two characters rot in hell.🥰✌🏻

Catching sight of him is becoming an obsession; when I look at him, I see something bright, a flame I can use to burn us to the ground.

A song that suits this book - Ghost in the Machine by SZA feat Phoebe Bridgers

[Gloria (in a slump? idk) · Rating 5 out of 5]

IT'S LIVE Y'ALL!! Suprise release!!! And on KU!

Sooo it took me all weekend (and more) to finish this book, not because it dragged, but something about this piece of art demands that it be savoured. So that's what I did. Ironically, I feel empty (in the best way, trust me)

Please add this to your tbr right tf now. I promise you, you won't be disappointed... also disclaimer, the quotes used in this review may be subject to change.

Here's the gist of how I stumbled across what is now one of favourite reads this year: I woke up one Saturday morning and decided, "today I want angst". The end.

When I found this one, I had to get my hands on it. I just had to. AND BOY THIS WAS ANGST GALORE. But not the kind of angst that has you sweating throughout, your heart racing, or maybe even shedding tears... No no, this one seeps into you slowly, carefully, consuming you before you realize it. My throat feels like I lodged a baseball so deep I'll probably starve to death because it'll never see the light of day again. I LIVE FOR THAT 😩

"Maybe that explains what’s wrong with us— the same endless void that terrifies me calls to him."

Before I talk about the characters and what not, I just need to shoutout the prose cause, LORD HAVE MERCY, this was some high quality prose. But not an overwhelming type of prose that makes it difficult to follow the story. This is what I'd call fluffy prose. Like a sophisticated marshmallow. It had subtle notes sprinkled throughout each character's pov to the other character, it had mini-epigraphs at every part that just grip you, it had rhythm and texture, sight and sound. It was everything 😭

This close, his eyes hold every color in the universe and none at all, strange and wild and pure.

Anywaysss into the nitty gritty. I'm not going to say too much because I don't want to spoil anything but arghhh I freaking loved both characters. And let me tell you, I really wanted to hate Victor, honestly I probably did for like 60% of the book. But the way this author writes him, you realize that it's not Victor you hate, it's the dirty, terrible world that shaped him you despise. You see yourself wanting to both shake and shield him. And my poor baby Ethan who I relate to on an atomic level, it practically terrifies me. He's the one you know is meant to save Victor, and the way the story carries you through, you really think that's all this tale will be, but it's so much more. It's two ceramic people, flung against hardwood floors by their circumstances and the hands of shitty world, trying to piece themselves together. GOSHDARNIT this book has me in a chokehold ✋🏾

Our bodies fit together perfectly, every hill and valley contoured to each other like we were one person who got broken in half before we were born.

For me, it was the little, sometimes barely noticeable, character mannerisms that told me so much about their past; the way they both hated each other so badly and how that hate ultimately provided comfort; the overarching mystery of Victor's background; and while I'm usually not a fan of slowburn it was necessary, it felt real and raw and perfect for these two. And yes of course we get a satisfying HEA!

He’s all the things that drive me crazy and all the things that lead me home.

My heart is shattered but in the best way possible and I feel empty because I need to figure out how to hug fictional people. Damn.
                               -----
Tropes: MM, fake dating, forced proximity, hurt/comfort, enemies-to-lovers

Please heed all the triggers warnings friends, this is a gritty story🖤🖤

[Jan]

updated March, 22



DNF 50%
So, I've put this on hold because I was struggling with it and wanted to be sure it wasn't my freak mood's fault before quitting it.
But I've found a good book, something that's holding my attention, which means the problem wasn't me. It's just this particular story that it's not working for me.

My issues started right at the beginning with Ethan going to Victor's house for a landscape job. There Ethan, while spying on Victor, tripped and fell into a pool. While this "accident" was happening, Ethan was having flashbacks of a traumatic past event AND getting his dick hard. Seriously?

Victor, in turn, realizes this and cups the bulge in Ethan's pants as a confrontation. Hmmm? 🙄

A few paragraphs later, we meet Victor's dad, some rich guy, who
✓ hasn't seen his son for years, but was there that day
✓ never seen Ethan before
✓ yet, he makes a proposition to Ethan: to pose as a fake boyfriend to his son.

Sometimes I can suspend disbelief in a story, but other things need to pull me in to compensate for the fact that I will have to overlook things I don't believe. So, I went further.

But the story goes on, Victor's dad coerces him to be the face of his new advertising campaign for a dating APP. What a bully.
✓ Father and son have no relationship, it's just weird.
✓ Victor is nasty.
✓ The MCs don't communicate much.
✓ Victor's old team/friends are a bunch of shallow people.

I am sure there is a reason for these all, but nothing is picking my interest. 🤷‍♀️
Something is missing here, for me to feel invested enough in the story to want to continue and discover all these answers. And so I am tapping out.

I think my problem was the plot, which didn't convince me at all.
I loved Ethan's characterization, though. It gives me hope for Gray's book.

Peace, folks!☮️

[Lau ♡ · Rating 1 out of 5]

⚠️UNPOPULAR OPINION AHEAD⚠️

I thought this was going to be an easy 4-stars *sighs* I still don’t have the will to do the proper review i’ve been postponing for months so I’ll make a summary:

- I don’t mind unrealistic romances when we are dealing with fluffy stories but when we are talking about doping and other dark themes, I can’t stand having to roll my eyes at the unlikeliness of everything.

- I wasn't in love with the way the trauma was handled. I hadn’t experienced what Victor went through so I may be wrong, but I had the sickening feeling everything was made for the drama. It didn’t help that I figured out what had happened since the beginning and found extremely unlikely that it could have happened exactly the way the author told it *i’ll discuss that on the spoiler part at the end*

- I’ve never really been into the ‘i hate you but let’s have sex’, but I hated the way it was executed here. Tbh, it felt a lot more toxic than romantic.

-the epilogue was cute

⚠️ swimming rant:

- I'm so tired of authors not having a clue about anything related to swimming and deciding to make up everything. There is no way it would be faster to do a 200m butterfly without breathing during the first 75m. We are not talking about short distances like 50 or 100 meters, 200m is long enough for your muscles to need the energy the oxygen provides. You don’t even need to be a swimmer, you only have to see a clip on youtube of an olympic 200m butterfly race to see that the swimmers are breathing at least once every two strokes. Maybe some endure a few more, but not 75m! Not even 25m! Did the author think they were more clever than the professionals? Going at full speed, Victor’s muscles would give up on him if he didn’t breathe at the first 50m, 75m is just crazy. I’m not saying you couldn’t go 75m without breathing, I’ve seen people doing it on my own club, I’m saying it’s not a strategy that would work for a 200m butterfly when you are trying to be the fastest swimmer. I guess the author was trying to show how talented Victor was for non-swimmers, but they could have just left it at ‘broke the world record at 16’ or something like that. For me, it only shows how little they worried about researching.


⚠️SPOILERS AHEAD⚠️
.
.

Victor is shown in the video having visible bruises on his face and saying they were beating him. I’d love to know how a 16 yo swimmer could train on a tiny speedo with his body marked like that and nobody would realize anything. And don’t get me started with the face. How could Gray not see it?

[ivy · Rating 4 out of 5]

“He looks like a character in one of those coming-of-age movies about summer and puppy love.”

I don’t have much to say because I was just enjoying the book without thinking about writing a review. It was definitely enemies to lovers, I could feel the hate coming off of both of them.
I appreciate how the author didn’t make Ethan the “weak” character and Victor the “strong” character in their dynamic. I’ve seen that enough in books like this and I’m over it. These two were definitely equals and there were some really beautiful moments that got me a little 🥲
Definitely recommend this one. Heed TWs.
ETA: it keeps popping into my head that their dynamic had a similar feel to Neil and Andrew from AFTG series. So, IYKYK.

[alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

*audio review:

WHAT A DUO. JF Harding is our beloved treasure (let's get those magical vocal cords insured. to the brim), so imagine my delight when i first came upon the announcement that he was going to be one-half of the narration team for this book. Stephen Dexter is a new-to-me narrator, and based on a cursory search, he seems to narrate primarily mf with occasional toe-dipping in the mm space, but his gruff, low tones? perfection 👌🏼 he and JF Harding make such a legendary pairing with their respective voices, and i hope they work together more in the future!

Thank you to GRR and the publisher for providing a complimentary audio copy of the book. This is my honest review :)

*story review:

Hate is intimate, endless, obsessive. Addictively co-dependent. You can't disappoint someone who believes in the worst possible version of you. You can only memorize them, every hope to break, every vulnerability to tear open, until they're your everything and you're their shield against the nightmares that you made for them. And now that I've tasted it, I'm not sure I could ever go back, even though I know it's wrong.

👆 live feed of post-read Alyssa

[4.75] SPEECHLESS Y'ALL.

thank goodness i have no obligation to be even semi-coherent in my review, because my brain is still hard at work processing the enchanting intricacies contained within this brilliant angst-filled journey.

with first-time authors, i like to go in as blind as possible and with tempered expectations so as not to be too quick to judge, but i needn't have worried. after only a few chapters, i was already committed to savoring each and every word of this magnetic "you and me against the world" tale, undeterred by numerous work responsibilities lurking around the corner (let's keep this hush hush from my boss, yeah? 🤣).

Riley Nash can undeniably write. each passage flows as effortlessly as water itself, swallowing you up and keeping you ensnared in a whirlpool of language so captivating and prose so effusive that you thirst for more, more, more until unwittingly finding yourself on the last page, eager for the next book to drop.

i highly recommend going into this blind, so i'll refrain from mentioning specifics but Victor!!! i spent so much of the first half parsing through his barbed comments, dissecting his hostile & flippant behavior and actions, asking time and time again why??? i knew i was missing one half of the equation until i wasn't, and then i was downright devastated. PAIN. prepare your heart, my friends 🥲

if you're on the search for a story of broken mcs saving each other, welcome this treasure into your loving arms. it's a bumpy road, but i was absolutely blown away by the manner in which Riley Nash navigated the delicate balance of love and hate stemming from deeper roots than you'd expect and blossoming under one of my favorite tropes, the orchestrated fake relationship (the whole "them in public: i hate you 🥰" was 😌👌🏼). i couldn't get enough, and i hope the same goes for you!

thank you to the author for acknowledging the darker side of professional sports, and to end this on a lighter note (although possibly crass to place this right next to such an important topic 😅), salt and vinegar chip superiority 😆💖

*****pre-read thoughts*****

the fact that this series has nothing to do with avatar or benders makes me a sad sky bison 🤣 but putting my personal agenda aside, the blurb sounds absolutely incredible, and i cannot wait to give it a read 👀

[Dani · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to squish Victor and Ethan in a pile of blankets. This made my heart (and my tear ducts) hurt.

I feel like I had to suspend disbelief at some points, but I loved this story and how they were together, and the end was just so warm. I'd happily read more about these two.

[Julia (bookish.jka) · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Hate is intimate, endless, obsessive. Addictively co-dependent. You can’t disappoint someone who believes in the worst possible version of you."

OMG THIS BOOK!!!!! Riley Nash is a new-to-me author and Hold Me Under was recommended by a GR and insta friend, whose opinion I value highly (thank you Gloria!) Without reading anything more about the book or the storyline, I downloaded it on KU and dove in. And I am so glad I did.

Hold Me Under is beautifully written; it's sophisticated and emotional and compelling and gut-wrenchingly descriptive. It actually made me cry, which rarely happens when I read. It actually has a story. And yes the steamy scenes are hot, but it's so much more than just that.

So, on to the basics; tropes include:

🖤 MM romance
🖤 enemies to lovers
🖤 hurt/comfort
🖤 fake dating
🖤 forced proximity
🖤 steamy scenes
🖤 high angst

This is a tough read so please take note of the author's TWs - there are lots of confronting issues, although most of them are off-page.

I absolutely fell in love with the MCs, Victor and Ethan, both broken in their own ways and yet both so strong too - there was an actual power balance (not an imbalance for a change) which was somewhat surprising and yet it fit so perfectly. There was a real fire to their hatred early on, fuelled by their life experiences, but when they fell, they fell hard.

"We both know what’s coming, as inevitable as a storm on the horizon. What I don’t know is what the consequences will be."

I don't want to give too much away, so I'd say just read the blurb - although it doesn't capture in any way how amazing this book is - and then just dive in. And let it hold you under 🖤.

"No one comes back for me. Until you."

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

5 fabulous stars ✨✨✨✨✨

[Lilly [Hiatus due to School] · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Our bodies fit together perfectly, every hill and valley contoured to each other like we were one person who got broken in half before we were born."

Hold Me Under managed to take my heart out and break it into pieces while slowly putting it back haphazardly. My review is going to be a bit incoherent as I still can't find the words to convey this wonderful story.

I am still at a loss for words to express the multitude of emotions that went through me while reading this story. This is not just an enemy to lovers story, not at all. It is deeper, it is more, and it is impactful.

"You tore me open and put me back together, but you kept something for yourself. You won't give it back, and now I belong to you."

Both Victor and Ethan carry with them deep burdens and trauma. Victor, in particular, has been beaten down, left so small and vulnerable, betrayed by almost everyone in his life, betrayed by the adults who should have protected him. However, within the chaos of their lives, they find each other to hold on to.

I can't believe this is a debut novel! Riley Nash writes in a way that is almost lyrical and poetic that draws you in.

The chemistry between Victor and Ethan was amazing. The intense loathing and hatred that transforms into understanding and eventually love were amazing to see. While it takes until almost a third way in for the sex to happen, it is scorching hot and reflects these two souls very much.

I can not recommend this story enough! If you want a deeply emotional story with well-written characters, this is it. Overall I enjoyed Hold Me Under, and I can not wait for Gray's story!

[D.L. Howe · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

So … it’s pretty aggravating when you have a character like Ethan who’s been through hell and back but he never backs down. He keeps putting one foot in front of the other.

Then you have a character like Victor who was given everything on a silver platter but still managed to destroy himself. He’s spoiled, totally self involved and an overall asshole.

Yet this Gray dude is telling Ethan to be careful with him. Da fuk?! Like seriously, GTFOH!

It’s not every day you get an awakening of a baby Dom. Makes for an interesting dynamic when the bratty submissive is the knowledgeable one.

Slowly but surely you begin to understand just how broken Victor is. He thinks he needs to drown but really he needs a tether.

Oh his dad can go fuck himself!

Ugh, now I feel bad about my original assumptions about Victor. You know what they say about assuming. And I definitely feel like a bit of an ass.

Fuck! I saw it coming for a while but it still didn’t prepare me for how awful I’d feel once everything came to light. Heartbreaking to say the least.

At the beginning Ethan mentioned fate. I personally have the belief that everything happens for a reason. Even the ugliest, worst things can birth something amazing. This story is the epitome of that sentiment. And it was as beautiful as it was ugly. It’s up to you which end of the spectrum wins out.

[Darien · Rating 2 out of 5]

UGH!

There’s so much about this book that rubbed the wrong way and it pisses me off because it has all the offerings to be a good book.


First- the book spends too much time tryna to be trauma porn and then spends way too much time to get a one up on each individual trauma, which leaves the story development lacking.

Second- everyone is an idiot. We got billionaire dad, professional athletes, top lawyers and yet no one noticed a change in a kid that was being viciously abUsed 🙄

Third- Victor clearly is mentally unstable and very unstable during sex so explain to why you would continue to have sex with someone you know is struggling with something. There’s nothing sexy about someone wanting you to hurt them during sex when it’s not BDSM/kink related.

Fourth- this man is an Olympic swimmer which means skimpy speedos and no one noticed any bruises ?????? BFFR

Fifth- The Dad. Like where the fuck he went after micromanaging his sons life and being there throughout the book and when things hit the fan he’s just in “legal battles”.

Sixth- this one is mostly for me because why all the build up and reveal of the pedo rapist and I don’t get to see him dragged through the mud. Like all that build up and then I get served an empty plate 😤

Overall, the book had promise but it tried too hard and eventually it fell apart. There’s just too many plot holes and loose ends. Great narration though…

[KnittingMamaBear-Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5/5⭐ 3/5🌶️ 4/5😱 3/5🎧

TLDR: heart break.


This book was 💔💔💔💔💔💔 heart break.

Holy mental health rep and heavy trauma and abuse CW's.

I feel like it isn't too clear from the blurb how deep this is going to take the reader into the pits of characters' broken mental states. In the sense of themes, there is enemies-to-lovers, hurt/comfort, hate-to-love-you. Say less, right?

Basically, there is Victor Lang, the fallen swim athlete, and Ethan Lowe, the good guy, always taking care of people. Their paths cross and take them on a journey to Italy, Naples.

If i didn't spend the entire book thinking Victor is going to die or Ethan is going to have an accident and Victor was going to die because of that, i guess this would have been less heavy?

But i did, in fact, spend most of the time fretting that one of them was going to perish, that's how fragile Victor's mental state is throughout this ordeal. Also, i Audio'ed this first, but switched to reading. This really isn't because audio was bad or anything, i just didn't feel like this was a book for audio. It's very poetic and beautifully written.

As usual, i have something to say about the cover. In my mind (the mind of a reader who sometimes reads diagonally because some parts scare me and i want to read on to safety) both Victor and Ethan are in their EARLY 20's. So excuse me, but who is this man deep in his 30's on the cover here? Victor also has curly blonde hair. Ethan? No, because he is this all American golden retriever type boy. So i don't know who the cover model man is supposed to be. If you know, tell me!

This is a series, but all books can be read as stand alone's. Feeling i was put through the wringer with the first one already, i might temporarily switch to some lighter reading first. This was intense. In a good way? I guess so.

⚠️ CHECK TW's and CW's because yeah...

All my Water, Air, Earth & Fire reviews:

Hold Me Under - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Make Me Fall - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Show Me Wonders - TBR
Teach Me To Sin - TBR

[mads (on hiatus from reading and reviews) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was like gasping for air, only to find that you’re being held under water by the person you love to hate. Guess we know where the title came from, eh?

What I loved:
-the lyricism in how Nash talks about love and hate. tbh it truly shifted how I think about love, loving, and the nature of hate.
-the dual pov was very well done. it truly felt like I was getting two different perspectives.
-the dual pov fleshed out the characters, but what really wowed me was the voyerusitic feel of reading about their relationship. Obviously reading is inherently voyeuristic but even though we got each characters internal monologue there was a piece of their relationship that still felt secret, and just for them. Their secret piece helped transport me, as the reader, into their world—-which was tinged with grey and the sound of the sea *sighs dramatically*
-oh and of course we can’t forget the angst, angst, and more angst
-dark themes—I’m a slut for the stuff from nightmares
-THE TWIST

Other thoughts
-Defo would recommend some content disclosures. Representation and discussion of PTSD, abuse (sexual, emotional, physical) , eating phobias, panic attacks, illness of a loved one, abuse of power. Those are just what I noticed, could be missing some!
-the realist in me doesn’t love the message of ‘oh, don’t worry my love will solve your trauma’. but the romantic in me is like ‘nah, love will work it all out somehow’
-I was fully sleep deprived the fist ~40% of this, so I may have missed it (very very possible) but I felt kind thrown in to references to what they look like but never really told, like explicitly. But like I said could be a me problem.

Overall an ASTOUNDING DEBUT. Cannot wait for book two w (hopefully, daddy??) grey!!! 😏😌😛

PS read after 9PM at your own risk

[Jade · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book is incredible. The concept. The dark, poetic writing. The amazingly complex and heartbreaking characters. Riley Nash, you are a superstar author and I'm a fan for life now.

Ethan and Victor are like two characters I've never come across before. I think that's what makes this book so special. You can tell the author really sat down and created their personalities and stuck to them throughout the narrative. If you love enemies-to-lovers stories, then this one is utter perfection in its own uniqueness. I would more call it hate-to-love and there's no misunderstanding in the start of the story - they just really dislike each other, which makes this story all the more beautiful. My only criticism (and it didn't lose any rating for it) is that the ending felt slightly rushed. Everything was resolved, I just wanted more from it; though, that could easily be because I loved Ethan and Victor so much I was just demanding more story!

I'm off the buy the physical copy now because I loved it so much ... that's how good it is!

***check your trigger warnings before going into this book. It's deals with a lot of trauma, but very rewarding at the end.

[Megan [At The Cottage] · Rating 2 out of 5]

MM Romance
Hurt/Comfort Enemies To Lovers
2 “I’m the problem, it’s me” Stars ⭐️


All my friends love this book but I have no idea what to say about it because I didn’t feel anything while reading it, yet, I couldn’t put it down once I started and I stayed up until 6am devouring it. How does that even make sense??? If I’m going to stay up all night to read a book you’d think I would have been interested in some aspect of it but I found the characters bland, the plot predictable and the writing was kind of wonky at times. I know this is a debut so I’m trying not to hold the wonkiness against him but I’m just kind of underwhelmed tbh and for a book so dramatic and angsty, I just expected to feel more.

The only part of this book I liked was how much Ethan did for Victor despite hating him for most of the book. He paid attention to the fine details, figured out Victor’s needs, and then implemented them in his own way. I especially loved the part when they escaped all the craziness in the city, got a quaint hotel, and then went to the store. I’m usually avoiding most of the packaged food I come across but Victor must have felt so safe and seen by Ethan because without saying a word Ethan knew what he needed and gave it to him selflessly.

However, after liking most of this book despite not feeling much, I wasn’t a fan of the last 15-20% of this story. I felt like the pacing was off and because there were too many tropes competing with each other, a lot of the side stories felt unresolved or rushed. I wanted to see anyone who had ever taken advantage of Victor held to karma of the highest degree and the basic summary in the epilogue was just not enough and left me feeling completely underwhelmed. I also thought Ethan’s mom’s condition was glossed over at the end and since it was a big issue throughout the book, I expected more.

The sex scenes were quite good but FFS just because this book made Victor out to be a slutty bottom boy doesn’t mean he doesn’t need some fucking lube. That part of the body is not self-lubricating and I can’t believe how many MM books I read that have one of them just cramming it in there dry or with a bit of spit. Fucking ouch.

And also, I don’t think I fully comprehend what was going on inside the bathroom with the inner door locks and the dog bed. I mean, I have an idea but it was never really mentioned in a way that made sense.

Overall though, I think this is one of those books where the problem is me more than it being a bad book so I’m going to give 2 stars for no spelling issues, a writing style that pulled me in, and a solid idea even if it wasn’t executed quite to my standards. Surprisingly I do want to read Gray’s book because I’ve heard it’s completely different from this one (a huge plus).

[Cyndi (hiatus) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was enemies-to-lovers done right. There was no rivalry, no fall out in the past, no lingering animosity from a friendship gone wrong. Just full blown disgust with the personality and character of another human being. Genuine dislike and plenty of reasons for it. And I felt it too - not towards Ethan, but definitely towards Victor. He was horrible at first. An ugly combination of a toddler left in a room full of exposed electrical outlets and a rich snob who found everything and everyone outside of his privileged world boring and unworthy. Even his inner monologue offended me and what he said out loud was twice as bad. There was obviously so much going on beneath the surface, but his behavior put my brain and my heart at odds.

Like most reviewers, I don't want to give anything about this book away. The less you know, the more you'll appreciate it. Saying I loved it doesn't do it justice. I thought it was amazing and I'm having a hard time moving on from the characters and their story. It was written in such a beautiful and thought provoking way. It challenged my beliefs in love, hate and fate and how those things can be used for and against people. It reminded me that what you see isn't always what you get and that sometimes cages make people feel safe instead of trapped. It also shined a light on some very dark problems in our world that so often get buried beneath the sparkle of accomplishments, awards and notoriety.

This entire story is laced with pain. It's omnipresent, even in the sweetest and most supportive moments, and will take you on such a visceral journey. My range of emotions while reading nearly gave me whiplash, but I was left with nothing but total adoration for both Ethan and Victor and so much hope for their future. Especially for Victor. I truly didn't want to put this book down and can't recommend it enough, but do pay attention to the trigger warnings because this is miles away from light and fluffy.

I know I'm being greedy, but I want Gray's book now!

[yaishin · Rating 5 out of 5]

First read

I haven't been this invested in a book since forever. I absolutely loved it. I'm a puddle of mush. I loved Ethan. He was so normal it would almost be boring if he hadn't been just so perfect for Victor. Prickly Victor was just so rage inducing sometimes but when I got to know the reason behind it I swear to God I excused every annoying ass shit he's ever pulled.

No one ever comes back for me. Until you.

The only thing keeping me sane after reading this is imagining Victor clinging to Ethan like a baby koala. *swoon*

Second read

definitely a heavy read but so satisfying.

[Cat the bookworm (semi hiatus ish) · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the books that will wreck you emotionally if you let yourself dragged it.

Tbh I’m still in an emotional turmoil while writing this, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to find adequate words.

I’m usually all for light, low drama books without many trigger warnings. This book is definitely not one of those.

I’m not sure how to write this review without saying too much. It’s about Victor, a former swim champion who tested positive at a doping test, and who stopped really living back then. At first glance, he seems to be an asshole with a death wish, a drug addict who lashes out at everybody, not caring whom he hurts. And it’s about Ethan, who works all kind of jobs instead of pursuing his wish to become a vet, because his mum has Alzheimer and he refuses to give up on her.

So yes, we have two characters who carry a lot of baggage with them, and who hate each other at first sight. But due to circumstances I won’t go into here, they get thrown together for a while. And in an (at first) twisted, wrong way they’re attracted to each other, even though both of them are afraid to give in to those feelings.

”Love has borders, limitations. A million movies and a billion books have charted its course. We chase it because we already know how it makes us feel, and once you’re in love, your only choice is to fall back out of it again.”

And ever so slowly, layer by layer, the shells both have built around then crack. And they fall for each other.

“I’m lost to everything but him, a shipwreck on his shore.”

The writing is so different from what I’ve read lately, I savoured the dark, poetic imaginary. My heart ached for them, and I’ve rarely been happier than I am now to see 2 people have their HEA.

Also: this is a debut?!?! Wow!

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Welcome to Angst City, where everyone gets a HEA but you really gotta work for it (read: get dragged through the proverbial mud)

I LOVE ME SOME DAMAGED BOYS. Seriously, you write a character that is broken and battered and who just needs a hug (or a good choking; we don't trauma shame here) and I can almost guarantee them a permanent fixture in my heart.

Also, I'm already sold when there's a singular adorable broken boy but you give me two broken boys whose trauma and coping mechanisms perfectly align to create a mildly toxic/codependent yet surprisingly efficient relationship? SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

VICTOR AND ETHAN ARE ADORABLE. The transition from love-to-hate-you >>> hate-to-love-you >>> love-to-love-you was *chef's kiss*.

On top of the fluffy angst (angsty fluff?), the sex scenes were fuckin' FIRE.

I think I also saw somewhere that this was Riley Nash's debut? Color me impressed, depressed, and obsessed.

[Rosabel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think for a very first try this was a really nice book, Riley seems promising.

Was it perfect? Nope, It was hard for me to understand some feelings and actions of the main characters, for example:

I didn't get why Ethan was mad at Victor, he blames Victor because of his downfall because his cousin loved him, but in truth his cousin died before the dope thing, so why is he angry? And he doesn't know Victor, so why? Didn't get it.

With Victor he just did chaotic actions but, while being in his pov, I didn't understand why he did them? They just seemed to be something that he wouldn't do. For example: why accept an invite to a party so he could suck the dealer's dick? He had a rape trauma, he knew he was going to be used and he had PTSD, so how did he do it? Seriously how did he get out of the hotel without breaking down? Why? Don't get it.

Also this two wanting to seem "bad", when they were just hurt, it was funny. Maybe the story tried too hard, but I think it has promise.

So yeah, it was an interesting but in my opinion, it needed way more explanations and depth. ❤

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall I enjoyed this book. The end is well written and beautifully done.

However, it was really hard to get into this book. Victor was so unlikable I put the book down several times. It was continuously hinted that Victor had a reason for being so unlikable, but several times I was just so put off by him I had to force myself to keep reading. I am glad I did keep reading though, while the book was a struggle at times the end was definitely worth it and the pay off was so good.

The fact that this is a debut book just blows me away. Excited to read more from this series and this author!

[Maisha Farzana · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a hard read all the way through. Emotional, tragic, heart rending and angsty. "Hold Me Under" hit too close to home than I would've liked. I loved it anyway....

The prose is so beautiful that the words would be immediately absorbed by your brain and for a fleeting moment you may feel as though something just stabbed you in the heart. Riley Nash's writing style is undoubtedly a work of art. There’s a surreal, dreamscape quality to it. It’s vivid and rampant. You would feel like a bulldozer just ran over you. Okay, that's probably a little too harsh. But I'm sure you got my meaning. I specially loved the inner monologues. They were heart breaking in the best way possible.

"Hold Me Under" is very character focused. The book tells the story of two broken boys. Two completely opposite individuals, coming from two entirely different worlds. Somewhere on the way, their fates get tangled, their destinies get entwined. For Victor and Ethan, it was hate at the first sight. Jokes on them, they ended up finding the purpose of their lives in each other.

The lyricism in how Riley Nash talks about love and hate had me at awe. I loved how she dealt with the traumatic events and vividly showed how those experiences changed the characters. The dual povs are well done. As I mentioned before, our mcs are completely polar opposites but both are fleshed out perfectly. This book is DARK. It's angsty and triggering. An absolute tear jerker. Highly recommended if you're a sucker for broken hearts and self destructive characters.

[Lyn❤Loves❤Listening to Real Voices Only!!!!❤️🎧📚 Addict ON HIATUS · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audio 5 +++ JF Harding and Stephen Dexter!!!

Story - 4.5 stars

[patrícia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't know how to explain it, but even though I was underwater the entire book, and I was unsure whether I liked them or not, I loved the story and the ending. I believe in their love. so much pain and suffering... so much anguish and so many bad people in this world, but on the other hand so many incredible people who I prefer to believe in.

Also when a book makes me cry… I just know I will be thinking about it for a long time 🫶

Ethan beautiful… the world doesn’t deserved you❤️

“He’s all the things that drive me crazy and all the things that lead me home.”

Victor baby…. The world to you❤️

“I never thought.
I never thought I’d be here.
I never thought I’d know what it means to be happy.
And sometimes we say I love you, and sometimes we say I hate you, and sometimes we just exist together without a name, two stars in the universe, and it doesn’t matter because they’re all different names for the same thing, something that will never belong to anyone but us.”

After some thinking, I decided to lower my rating to 3.4. I was very happy in the end yes, I loved their HEA, but there's something missing...

I overall enjoyed reading this, but I always felt a bit apart from the story. Literally under water and sometimes coming up for air and, in that moment, feeling the story... If that makes sense,.

Also, I felt the whole situation in the end deserved more attention, and I did not feel that the coach and the father actually justified their actions all those years ago, especially the father. I just can't accept his choice... How could he? Poor Victor... 

After some review and searching, I'm pretty anxious to start Book 2.

[Layla]

DNF @56% ~ no rating

I tried. I can't seem.to have the motivation to know what happens.

I don't like both characters tbh. I felt no connection to both of them.