The Maintenance of Headway

by Magnus Mills

Book by Mills, Magnus

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Novels, British Literature, Contemporary, Comedy, 21st Century

148 pages, Hardcover

First published August 3, 2009

Reviews

[Paul Sánchez Keighley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This trim, subtle comedy introduces us to the maintenance of headway, a system implemented in Britain to ensure buses always run on time, and exposes it as an unattainable chimera that requires constant tweaking and adjusting as, by its own design, it’s always teetering on the brink of falling apart.

(A book so flush with detailed inside information about a humdrum job turned bureaucratic nightmare could only really have been written by Thomas Pynchon or by a former bus driver; and Magnus Mills is - you guessed it - the latter.)

Unlike the classic bus driving approach, an organic self-regulating system wherein each bus completes its designated route in its own time, the maintenance of headway states that there should always be an equal interval of time between buses. The inherent flaw of this plan lies in the human factor: each bus driver has his own style and character, passengers who haven’t prepared their fare beforehand or who are running to make it to the stop can delay the departure, and a city is always full of unforeseen obstacles, from roadworks and accidents to traffic and demonstrations.

Think of it as the Goodreads reading challenge. In order for your challenge to be “on track”, you have to let an exact time interval elapse between finishing books. This, in practice, doesn’t happen, because it doesn’t take the same time to read Les Mis than it does to read Kafka’s Metamorphosis. Furthermore, users’ reading times differ from interval to interval: some weeks you are swamped with work, others you are on holiday; sometimes you cannot put a book down, and others you just don’t feel like picking one up. So, users rig the system by throwing handfuls of novellas or poetry collections into the mix to compensate for the year’s behemoths. And should you fall far behind, you can always curtail the challenge by loosening your definition of what constitutes a “book": omnibuses could be thought of as several books; suddenly you develop an unprecedented interest in manga; and each story in a short story collection can be rated individually.

Bus drivers also have tricks for rigging the system and maintaining the headway through thick and thin. If you want to find out which, you’re just going to have to read this book. Go on, it will only take you an afternoon and you get to tick another book off your challenge.

[Gila Gila · Rating 4 out of 5]

So. Read this yet? Think it's dull, repetitive, lacking plot or any form of identifiable narrative? Right. I'm going to adjust you, and I'll tell you why.

On a daily basis, likely for the rest of my life, I shall be looking for opportunities to say - or at least think, smugly to myself - "I'm going to adjust you, and I'll tell you why." It's my favourite (oft repeated) line out of many, many funny lines in Magnus Mills' stop-go-and-wait short satire on the British bus system. Knowing Mills was a bus driver (is? Is that possible, still is? a bus driver?!) made this read that much more delectable, though his narrator wondering, at the book's end, "...As I watched them disperse I was unable to answer the question: what are we all here for?" seemed a surprisingly patent reminder that we've been pulled down into yet another Mills-Kafkaesque Colony of worker ants and their corporate preying mantisbosses. Ever since The Restraint of Beasts, we've known that's wot up, don't we?

Here's what I would tell you if you've never read any Magnus Mills. Read the first first. His writing has gained more subtlety since The Restraint of Beasts, but without question, if you don't get that one, you're not about to hop on board (tickets, please) for the books that followed.

You're also not going to be asked over to mine for drinks any time soon. Ah, well. More for me.

[Nigel · Rating 4 out of 5]

It doesn't take long to read a book about buses... Why they are late, why they are early, why they are on time - it's ridiculous. Which is the purpose of this book ☺️. Magnus Mills writes things like that and I enjoy them. If you think that is silly avoid his books. But if you think that is ridiculous you might be interested! Not his best but not his worst.

[Andy Mckinney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was one of the funniest books I have ever read. If you have worked in a job with a lot of bureaucracy you will love this. I love how he portrays Mick turning into a company man and the whole idea of the maintenance of headway has to be based on Mills' experiences as a bus driver. It is too absurd not to be true. I also read his short story collection Screwtop Thompson which is very quirky as well. I can't think of anyone else who writes like Magnus and I definitely want to read more. I would love this book to be turned into a cartoon.

It is bizarre in a very Millsian way that Blakey from "On The Buses" should die the day I finish this! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainme...

[Alysha McDevitt · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book had potential-- I have never read a book about bus drivers, so it intrigued me but I was left disappointed. This book lacked a plot, and was very repetitive.

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Holiday Read #1: The Busman's (non)Holiday (ho ho, see what I did there?)

It's a bit like an elderly relative: charming, knowledgeable, dignified, occasionally hilarious. And a tad dull and repetitive.

I knew a bus driver who used to joke with my my husband that he was going to steal me away from him. He looks like Lemmy from Motorhead and I did actually fancy him a lot, once upon a time, but he was a complete bampot.

I realise that this has absolutely nothing to do with the book, but he would have fit right in here, would have either been best friends or sworn enemies with Jason, and might have added a certain oomph that was lacking.

[Bart Van Overmeire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ah Magnus, bus driver novelist man! He's the best, always brings a smile to my face

[Magdelanye · Rating 3 out of 5]

The maintenance of headway...the notion that a fixed interval between buses on a regular service can be maintained and adhered to...held up as the one great truth by the Board of Transport.
But that's preposterous! said Jeff. p20

There are no alternative methods....The only true path is the maintenance of headway. p133

With dry wit and much aplomb, the very British Magnus Mills, in this modest fable demolishes bureaucracies of all stripes around the world.

The maintenance of headway was sacrosanct. Any violation threatened to undermine the entire ideology. Hence, they feared if all buses came at once, the walls of their citadel would crumble. p31

One of the droller observations that MM points out is the tendency of bureaucracy to make "hard work out of an easy job" p97 and the even more alarming tendency of those bureaucrats recruited from the ranks to undergo an immediate, unpleasant, officiousness. I was reminded of Animal Farm, but as a life-long bus rider it did sometimes sting to perceive myself from the drivers seat.

'People aren't important' Edward declared. 'Only bus movements.' p21

[mina-mae alexander · Rating 3 out of 5]

(2.5) something very exciting about a street corner find book. Bit ironic then that exactly nothing happens in this book... but in a sort of funny way...i guess its meant to be like that bcos thats what driving bus routes for a living is like? Damn i guess doing anything for a living is like that really. And i guess i liked it enough to recommend also finding it on a street corner. Maybe ill give my copy back to the streets. Do you say 'thank you driver!' to your bus drivers?? You should!!

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 4 out of 5]

RCU.

[Evan Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A strange, short book. Worth a read though, a clever and playful exploration of the absurdities regarding the experience of bus drivers and bus driving.

[Rhiannon · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5. mildly amusing

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the third book I read for the 24-hour readathon in October, and the perfect kind of book for it too. The unnamed narrator (who could be based on Mills himself, who was once a bus driver), takes us deep into the inner workings of the London metropolitan bus system - or a city that greatly resembles London - with biting irony and fascinating detail.

The title refers to the golden rule of public transport: to maintain headway. This "headway" is the distance between buses - not too close, not too far away, so that buses don't arrive all at the same time or leave you waiting for ages. At random places along the routes are inspectors who stop the buses to tell the drivers they're too early, or too late, or who make all the passengers get off so the bus can go somewhere else to create the illusion of a timely service. Anyone who's ever taken public transport will instantly start nodding and going "Ah-ha!" and "Ahhhhh" and "Ohhhhhh" while reading this delightful book.

There are several characters who the narrator exchanges complaints and wisdom with, Jeff and Davy and Edward and several others (there are some female bus drivers but they don't really figure in the story). They share stories from their day that highlight the ridiculousness of the system, and the sheer impossibility of maintaining headway, and of being on time. All the bus drivers have their theories, their arguments and their anecdotes, and it makes for some very funny reading.

The drivers also bemoan the loss of the VPB - Venerable Platform Bus, which also had a conductor on board. I tried to look up this bus to see what it looked like, but apparently Mills made it up and while I'm sure it must be based on some older style of British bus, I don't know what it's called so I'm not sure what it looks like exactly (if it was a tram it'd make more sense to me, the idea of people jumping on and off as it's rolling along...). I also get a warm fuzzy feeling over old buses and trains and trams, there's something about them that modern versions simply don't have.

The prose is deceptively simple and straight-forward, concealing within nuances and irony that take you by surprise because the tone is so dry.

Mrs Barker had been based at our garage since time immemorial, though nobody could quite work out how she had lasted so long. Put simply, she did not seem to realise that she was part of a coordinated operation, which ran buses at specific times, calling at designated stops and charging predetermined fares. Instead she tried to provide a sort of 'social service', allowing people to get on and off where they pleased and pay according to their means. She had been known to remain at a bus stop for as long as ten minutes while she worked out a 'special rate' for someone, or waited while they went back for the dog they'd forgotten, or even cashed a cheque for them. Actually it didn't make any difference whether it was a proper bus stop or not. She halted at all sorts of places to pick passengers up and drop them off again: zebra crossings, T-junctions, traffic lights (especially green ones). (pp. 69-70)

While you do get these delightful visions of the disparate characters, the main character is the system itself. Like all bureaucratic things, it becomes a farce. So entertaining is it that it's rather disappointing how short this novel is - even though, any longer, and the joke would get stale. (That's one thing I like about British comedy: they know when to push a bit longer, and when to stop. I like their 6-episode-long series, makes them write tight stories, while the 24-episode-long American seasons can tend to waffle on a bit, and rehash old jokes when they run out of new ideas.)

I haven't come across this author before, who seems quite big in the UK, but I would like to read more as I feel like I only got a little taste of his thoughts, ideas and insights (and because I think his other books would be just as entertaining). If you're in the mood for a light, fun read, I recommend this - especially if you're a bit of a nerd and, like me, you find the Vogon's ultra-bureaucracy hilarious.

[Tom M (London) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This little book is a delightful description of the daily life of London bus drivers some time around the year 2000. If you are a regular bus traveller in London, and if you are the kind of person who is interested in the jobs of other people, this book will give you a couple of hours of amusement and instruction; the Author was himself a bus driver in London, for a time. The maintenance of headway is one component of the endless quest of bus inspectors to keep a fleet of buses running in the correct order at the correct time intervals. These inspectors are the bane of the drivers, who know the actual conditions on the roads and are never able to meet the requirements. The result is a continuous tension between the inspectors and the drivers. The book is written in the spirit of friendly banter that characterises the British workplace. It can be read in an hour or two; it's great fun and will not offend anybody. It's beautifully written and structured, and very easy to read; it does not reach deep into the human soul; it is not epic in scale; but it will keep you amused and if you happen to be a Londoner, you'll be constantly gratified by the local references. A very amusing light read, of high quality.

[Perry Whitford · Rating 4 out of 5]

More mild madness from Mills. This time it's bus drivers versus inspectors - and both against passengers!

The "maintenance of headway" is the rule that inspectors live by, which dictates that buses should always keep a certain distance from each other, regardless of external factors.

The drivers see it differently, always trying to complete their routes early based on the principle that this will ensure they won't be late if they encounter a problem.

The passengers, of course, only want the buses to be on time. Unfortunately for them they live in Millsville!

Mills writes such a simplistic prose, it's easy to underestimate the subtle artistry at work. I can't really quote an example though, as taken out of context his jokes always appear bafflingly innocuous.

But take my word for it, Mills is a magus and this is one bus you won't want to miss.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This novel immerses the reader in the world of London bus drivers and their management, whose mantra is 'The Maintenance of Headway'. According to this worldview, running early is the worst thing a bus driver can do. Although London isn't specifically mentioned, that is manifestly the setting. My favourite thing about the novel was definitely the phrase 'bejewelled thoroughfare' to describe Oxford Street.

Not a great deal happens in this book, which describes the operation of a dynamic system from the perspective of an agent within it. Thus I enjoyed it as a social science student more than as a fiction reader, I think. This novella demonstrates that Magnus Mills has a sly sense of humour and deft touch with words, but it is very narrow in scope. I enjoyed it, but would like to read something else by him with a wider canvas.

[Adam · Rating 3 out of 5]

[ 3.5 stars ] There's something weirdly cozy about Mills's workaday absurdism, and I probably read the entire book wearing an oblivious and stupid grin. I loved every minute I had with these amiably-suffering impotents, these cogs in a long-broken machine. There is a guileful System or Anti-system at work here, bent on an agenda of cognitive amputation, of excising freewill or at least utterly undermining the Reason of our heroes. But always they soldier on, determined with good humor to find the position-of-least-discomfort beneath the threatening, evil clouds of entropy.

[Ken McDouall · Rating 4 out of 5]

This slender volume doesn't read so much like a novel as it does a good-natured polemic against meaningless bureaucratic rules and authority. Mills is, during his day job, a London bus driver, so he speaks from first-hand experience about the absurdity of attempts to enforce spacing between buses on a given route at the expense of common sense. His is never a rant, but rather a wry commentary, and it's an amusing read that doesn't pretend to be much else.

[Frank Jacobs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dry, repetitive, plotless, stuffed with bureaucratic jargon and procedural anecdotes – and so incredibly funny you wish the book would continue for another 150 pages: Magnus Mills, a former bus driver himself, perfectly captures the absurdities that govern public transport in an anonymised version of London.

[Buthaina_m_240509 · Rating 3 out of 5]

The maintenance of headway is a great book. It takes the reader into the life of bus drivers. Magnus mills was a bus driver, that is why it was easy for him to describe the bus driver's life. I recommend this book because it introduces us to another life different from ours.

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay...it's literary short fiction. Nothing actually happens in the book; however, it is an entertaining look at the London bus system.

It's a good read for being stuck somewhere you don't want to take a larger/heavier book.

Worth the time.

[Jo · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick read, with an interesting concept/setting, but nothing happens.

[Gumble's Yard - Golden Reviewer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probably the most classic of all Mills’s books and the least allegorical.

[Tobias · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mightily interesting to see Mills's usual deadpan absurdism applied to a much more realistic setting.

[Alaina]

this is about buses and i’ll tell you why

[Anthony Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Picked this up for a quid because I wanted something short to read on the train to London (where I caught covid, just for the record).

Really enjoyed it. Had never heard of Magnus Mills, but he seems to have a quirky way of looking at things as if describing a recognizable but faintly parallel universe where ordinary things like driving buses are done differently or with a mindset that seems offbeam. Until you realise that he’s probably only describing an ordinary thing like driving a double-decker London bus from the point of view of someone who’s done it and who is simply recording their response to the parallel universe that is inhabited by bus drivers, their inspectors and their customer approval consultants.

The unnamed first person narrator takes us through the workings of his mind and those of his fellow drivers, Edward, Jeff, Davy and Jason. They discuss buses, their inspectors – Breslin, Greeves, the newboy stickler Mick Wilson and the panicky Baker – their passengers, the philosophy of buses, other road users, adjustments and logbooks and shift patterns. They reflect on the lost art of the conductor, gone with the removal from service of the VPB (Venerable Platform Bus) and discuss whether the new articulated single-decker is one they fancy driving. They consider how best to avoid the idiosyncratic driving and timekeeping of their incorrigibly passenger-friendly fellow driver, Mrs Barker – woe betide them if their shift designates them to be following her. They are surprised by occasional revelations about and from their inspectors.

And then there is the inspectors’ continual anxiety over ‘the separation of buses’ in order achieve ‘the maintenance of headway’. And much is said on the subject of ‘There’s no excuse for being early’. Lateness in a driver’s run is looked on favourably because any manner of reasons for lateness may be recorded by an inspector: but reasons for being early there are none, and drivers are liable to be booked for it. Not that a booking ever leads to anything. In fact, it’s virtually impossible to be sacked, we are assured. Unless you were Thompson. What did he do? Ah – that’s one of Mills’ plot hooks, and a very good one it is; indeed, it seemed to me it was the ONLY plot hook around which this very entertaining farrago of gentle reflections meanders at the stately pace of a TFL bus, interspersed with stops and pauses, sudden bursts of unexpected headway and stylish surges of vitesse. Like the drivers, we are sucked into this peculiar otherworldly daily universe watching and observing the phenomenon of human activity getting itself from A to B, sometimes as our passenger, while we, on the whole, unless we are the maniacal Jason, do our best to make our journeys comfortable and efficient in spite of the obstacles that happenstance throws in our way – a burst water main, cyclists, vans parked in bus lanes, dustcarts, and phantom bell-ringers.

The cover of my paperback edition shows a 94 bus. The 94 goes from Acton to Charles II Street. It is tempting to suppose this is the route the narrator describes as the one he drives every day, but I think it’s a decoy. If the route described with ‘the southern outpost’, ‘the arch’, ‘the circus’, ‘the common’ and ‘the bejewelled thoroughfare’ actually exists, it’s probably in that parallel universe inhabited by the drivers of buses. Or by a Pinter Revue Sketch.

[Dan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Either too subtle for the likes of me, or there really isn't much to it. It seems to be from the Every Cab Driver school of literature, which gets its name from the well-known fact that every cab driver thinks his life and adventures would make an excellent book/movie/sitcom or podcast (and yes, I know Mills has written books on other subjects). "Headway" is a pleasant, informative account of a big-city bus driver's routine, the sort of thing that, written as straight nonfiction, could have been a three-parter in the New Yorker in the days when William Shawn edited it. I remember one massive series, probably amounting to tens of thousands of words, on the history, cultivation and consumption of cassava. Here you will learn about the subtleties of bus scheduling, the inevitable tension between drivers and inspectors placed along the routes to keep things moving at the correct pace, the eccentricities of bus riders, and life in a busy bus garage. There is nothing about any of the characters' lives outside of work.

The cover blurbs are a mystery. "A deadpan celebration of chaos." --The Guardian. "A true original."-- The Times. I assume critics' to-read piles consist mainly of novels written by people who have spent their entire adult lives on a campus, or who are so concerned with their characters' inner torments that they jettison everything else. Or maybe it's catnip for people on the part of the spectrum that makes them obsess over the most minute details of public transit. I've been called an Aspie myself, but as far as I'm concerned the best thing about the book is that it doesn't push the subject too far and comes in at an economical 150 pages.

[Joseph · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a slight book; more than a short story, but not much more. But it doesn't really need to be much longer, deftly making its points about what it means to be a small part of a large bureaucracy.

I'm a bus-rider, although unfamiliar with the mysterious ways of London's transit system. So I really enjoyed the chance to see things through the eyes of a driver, and while I can't say for sure, obviously, it feels authentic. Mills captures both the monotony of bureaucracy, but also how strangely fascinating it is. Any kind of large system like this must be perceived as some elaborate game, and the participants must commit totally, lest they have a chance to recognize how pointless and boring it actually is.

I suspect that anyone with a job controlled by repetition and routine will recognize most of the characters here, and find themselves sympathizing with at least one side of each of the conflicts. It's hard not to think of Kafka here, and the way he explodes the bureaucratic nightmare into absurdity, but Mills manages to show the insanity of large systems from a grounded perspective. There's nothing unbelievable here, until you can't help but realize that there should be.

[Andy Weston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Or, "the notion that a fixed interval between buses on a regular service can be attained and adhered to."

It's as if Magnus Mills selects the most difficult and potentially boring things to write a novel about, and then goes about it. I refer to building fences of course (the very wonderful Restraint of Beasts), as well as in this case, buses. Then I looked at his profile and realised that for 7 years he was a fence builder, and since 2009 has been a London bus driver. Despite this many of his books refer to no town or city which gives him the flexibility to write wonderful sentences like "the southern outpost was a remote and desolate place."

Though I fortunately haven't read them all yet, this is less dark than many of his other books, but with that same deadpan humour. It's not 'laugh our loud' but the dialogue is infectious, and thoroughly entertaining.

Some memorable quotes:

"They feared if all the buses came at once, the walls of their citadel would crumble." (The inspectors).

"There's no excuse for being early."

"The Law of Cumulative Lateness"

[Nathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

It sullies my soul to give less than 5 stars to this magnificent writer but I'm only holding him to his own standards! I've been reading Mills' work in chronological order this year and this is the only one that so far has not glistened with utmost perfection. That's not a diss, I just had to get it out of the way.
Another book about the banalities of working class bureaucracy by the master of the genre, written in clear concise language and signature deadpan humor. Mundane examinations of regulations and procedures become the stuff of page-turning wonder with Mills' words. And although most reviewers have a hard time talking about his work without mentioning his time spent as a bus driver himself, I feel compelled to say that this particular work may be the Rosetta stone leading to the how's and why's of his career, even though it's a slightly less exhilarating or magical book than many of his others.
As other folks have said, it's probably not the place to start with this author. But it's essential reading for any fan of his!