What We’re Told Not to Talk About (But We’re Going to Anyway): Women’s Voices from East London to Ethiopia

by Nimko Ali

14 COUNTRIES, 42 WOMEN - FROM PERIODS TO ORGASMS TO FGM. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS OVERSHARING.'Nimko's book is going to shift the conversation around women's bodies. Our bodies, and everything they do, make us who we are' - Amika George, founder of Free Periods Campaign______________________What do you do when you're homeless and on your period? What does it feel like to have a poo following childbirth? How do we learn to love our bodies again after they've been abused?It's rude. It's improper. It's disgusting. All justifications that leave women's questions about their bodies unanswered. And activist Nimko Ali has had enough of it.Following her own experience of FGM and rebuilding her relationship with her body, this important book contains the true stories of women sharing what they've always been told is secret and shameful - from east London to Ethiopia, from pregnancy to menopause.This is a call to arms. This is a cry to reclaim the narrative around our fannies and to refuse the taboos that silent us.______________________'A beautiful book with such a wide range of uplifting but often heart-breaking stories. Made us cry and think in equal measure' - Pandora Sykes, co-host of The High Low'Nimko has blown apart all taboos, blown apart the echo chamber and included all women in the feminist conversation.' - Scarlett Curtis, author of Feminists Don't Wear Pink'There is no subject too taboo for her to tackle. We should all be talking about our vaginas and she is leading the way' - Bryony Gordon, author of Mad Girl' Nimko Ali is heroine for our time, she destroys the notion of things being too rude to discuss' - Caitlin Moran, author of How to Be a Woman

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, History

ebook

Published June 27, 2019

About the author

Nimko Ali is a feminist, former parliamentary candidate, conservative politican activist, and campaigner against modern-day slavery and female genital mutilation (FGM), of which she herself was a victim. Originally born in Somalia, she now lives and works in London.

Reviews

[Hestia Istiviani · Rating 4 out of 5]

⚠️ TW: FGM/Sunat perempuan, violence, abuse, harassment ⚠️

Jangan diterusin baca resensiku kalau nggak mau marah-marah 🙏

"Kalau nggak terjadi padamu, bukan berarti nggak terjadi dengan orang lain." Yang aku tahu, dulu, sebatas sunat untuk laki-laki. Ketika aku mempelajari tentang feminisme, barulah aku tahu ada yang namanya sunat perempuan atau Female Genital Mutilation. Praktik ini sayangnya masih dilakukan hingga sekarang. Jangan dikira cuma terjadi di benua Afrika. Ada negara-negara lain yang kita anggap sudah "maju" rupanya masih mempraktikkan kekerasan macam begini.

What We're Told Not To Talk About ditulis oleh Nimko Ali, seorang muslimah aktivis dari Somalia. Ali adalah penyintas FGM. Pergi ke luar Somalia membukakan matanya tentang "penipuan" berupa praktik FGM itu.

Ali marah terhadap ibu dan neneknya yang tidak membelanya ketika adat memaksa praktik FGM padanya. Katanya, dengan FGM maka perempuan tidak menjadi "liar", nafsu berahinya bisa dikendalikan, dan menjadi tidak bergairah.

Tapi lucunya, perempuan juga diharapkan bisa memberikan kepuasan di atas ranjang sebagaimana paham konservatif + pola pikir patriarki yang menjadikan perempuan hanya sebatas obyek yang nggak punya otoritas terhadap tubuhnya.

Melalui buku ini, Ali menghimpun cerita perempuan-perempuan yang "dipaksa" diam oleh keadaan untuk membicarakan hal yang menurut masyarakat adalah tabu: menstruasi, orgasme, kehamilan, dan manopause.

Kisah di dalam buku ini bikin aku nyeri sekaligus marah. Pengalaman hidup perempuan atas fungsi biologisnya dianggap nggak ada. Dianggap aib dan mahal (lihat bagian "sanitary product"). Nggak heran jika masih jamak kebijakan publik hingga R&D yang nggak memikirkan keunikan perempuan.

Ini bukan buku yang mudah dibaca. Butuh kesiapan mental untuk menerima kalau kejadian menakutkan tersebut betul ada & barangkali masih berlangsung. Aku butuh 2 pekan karena setiap kali membaca satu cerita, emosiku nggak karuan rasanya.

Kalau kamu penasaran & merasa sanggup baca, silakan pinjam di @perpusjkt saja ya ✨

[Victor Porras · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really extraordinary book. It's raw, brutal, sorrowful, poignant and inspiring in turns. Sometimes hard to read, but always important and honest. I'd especially recommend it for men, since we are much less likely to naturally come across these perspectives.

[Eric Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clear and concise, doesn't overcomplicate some very complex and deep topics. Shares the stories of women from many different backgrounds in their own words and adds cultural and political commentary after most of the stories. A heavy emphasis on female genital mutilation which is certainly under reported in "western" nations but being dealt with by many immigrant women of all ages arriving in developed nations. Reading the struggles of a woman starting her period while in a refugee camp was especially eye opening and moving. Highly recommended for men and women to grow in understand and be encouraged to be more open about their own journeys. I liked how Nimko introduced the book- we've had vagina monologues, it's time now for vagina dialogues.

[Layla · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5

On one hand, this was a cool concept - combining the perspectives of different women as a way to dispel what’s thought of as the ‘universal’ experience of living in a female body. I also liked the factoids throughout the chapters, I feel like I learned quite a bit about conditions like endometriosis, hypermedia, and anal fistula.

However. I don’t think this book can claim to represent all women, especially as essentially all the stories were about cis-hetero women. That’s a really huge gap which the book just completely ignores. What’s more, most of the stories here are either from women in the UK or the Somalian diaspora. I would have really loved to hear stories from a bit of a wider range of women.
I also feel like there was a strange overusage of this ‘global north’ vs ‘global south’ dichotomy, with an overall tone of ‘west knows best’ scattered throughout the chapters.

TLDR; this was not what I was hoping it would be, but I reckon it was still worth the read

[Sofia Oliveira · Rating 3 out of 5]

The perspectives are there, but the thematic depth just isn’t. At times, it read more like a collection of Reddit threads.

Note: I love Reddit, but there’s so much more that could have been unpacked.

Still worth reading tho:

“I did not know what they had cut off from my body, and I did not try to find out. I just wept and called out to my mother for help. But the worst shock of all was when I looked around and found her standing by my side. Yes, it was her, I could not be mistaken.”

[Blaire Malkin · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 Primarily first person narratives of women’s experiences of their first period, first orgasm, pregnancy including abortion and miscarriage, and menopause. I appreciated the wide variety of circumstances presented including women who had been subjected to FGM, women living in refugee camps, and women of diverse religious and cultural backgrounds.

[سهى · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first time my eyes landed on this book and saw the title, I thought it might be about white feminism; however, I was interested in reading it since I've been interested in broadening my knowledge of feminism and gender studies.

The author of the book is a Somali-British journalist. She gathered many stories of women from different backgrounds, races, ages, and religions around the world.

I can only say that the book is really informative; however, it is also humanistic and full of emotions.

I learned about many challenges women face, such as FGM and the "third degree" (which I had never heard of before), menopause and early-onset menopause, abortion and miscarriage, periods, postnatal depression, pregnancy and infertility, lack of medical care due to poverty, war, or ignorance, the fistula nightmare, and child marriage.

Finally, I want to quote something from the book that expresses how women are perceived in such a world:

Sigmund Freud once asked, "What do women want?" before proceeding to tell them. He was the founder of psychoanalysis and mansplaining.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very in-depth and rather brutal book exploring women's bodies.
I read somewhere someone describing it as 'the sequel to The Vagina Monologues, but I disagree. Although the concept is very similar, this doesn't feel as broad as a subject as Ensler's work.
It is a good book, and I will recommend it to friends, but it feels more raw than Ensler's book and could do with a bit of a polish, better editing for the audio, and perhaps an expansion on the women interviewed.

[Madeleine · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5. I was very absorbed in the stories of women’s experiences with different aspects of their bodies. The final section on menopause really brought me down, though. The language the women used to discuss what I’m sure is a challenging transition leaned so heavily into stereotypes. That’s understandable, as I know the experiences described are common. But I would’ve loved to have more of an emphasis on women who feel differently about menopause. Or about other ways of looking at it. Or maybe just an additional section at the end of the book that wasn’t so depressing.

[Rali Mit · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is a very nice book with a lot of different stories and interesting input. Have in mind, as a reader, that it is quite intense and sometimes heavy, and if you are looking for something lighter like I was maybe it's not for you at that time but save it for later, it's really important! In it, there are a lot of things we should talk about, for every stage of a woman's life and reproductive health. In many countries, reproductive health is something people avoid discussing, and plenty of women don't know what's actually going on with their bodies.

[Opal Goldring · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought I knew about the female body...until I read this. It explains a multitude of different experiences from first periods and the complexities of living with FGM to menopause and how society treats it as "the end". This has provided voices to those often hushed to share the intricacies and complexities of the women experience. And I am so grateful for it.

[Bhoza Reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice read that explores the ‘unspeakables’ when it comes to women and their bodies/sexualities. I appreciate the women who shared their stories but I feel like the book was tendentious . Most of the women were Somalian or of the diaspora, just like the author. Would have loved to hear different voices.

[R · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really interesting stories which are very powerful and especially offer crucial perspectives from young women who have undergone FGM. One big criticism though is the voice of the author/narrator--I really could have done without her accompanying every story with some often trivial information. These women's stories were strong enough to stand on their own!

[Bethan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those books everyone should read. It’s basically a series of vastly different anecdotes giving a varied and eye opening insight into women’s experiences of first periods, first orgasms, and first pregnancies. Easy reading and appropriate for teens up - males too - it’s the sort of thing I’d like to give out in PHSE lessons. I unexpectedly read it in a single sitting as it was engrossing.

[Rwabigwi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Evocative and thought-provoking, a must-read for anyone interested in the human experience. Ali's storytelling makes it easy to empathise with the women in the book. Highly recommended to men.

[Sophia Yazdani · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this! Very honest and raw stories- can recommend!

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

One everyone should read

[Nell Dimitrova · Rating 3 out of 5]

oh how I love being a woman 😃

[Amruta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my fanny! I wasn’t ready for this book and I am so glad for that. What an incredible book.

[Tanya · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 ½ stars. Raw and honest accounts.
Subtracted stars because of the audio production. Chapters and stories of the women ran quickly into each other with no clear pauses, so at times it was difficult to understand where one idea stopped and another started.

[Aly Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed and cried, very insightful

[Kim Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye opener of a book.
Not all comfortable to read but wow, im grateful to the women for sharing these experiences

[Bernadette · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author is on point. Regarding women's health, lives & experiences, there is no such thing as over sharing. Very engaging, interesting, heartwarming, and at times heartbreaking, telling and retelling on girls and women's stories on their experiences as females in their respective cultures and countries, and working to understand and claim the values of female bodies.
highly recommend.