The One Thing Holding You Back: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Connection – Move Beyond Emotional Intelligence to Transform Your Life

by Raphael Cushnir

"By the time you finish this book, there will be nothing holding you back."—from the Introduction Most people have a vision for their lives that they're not pursuing, half-heartedly pursuing, or pursuing with all their might yet somehow falling short. This vision can be modest or grand. It may involve breaking free of a destructive habit or finding a truly healthy relationship. It might have to do with making a real difference in the world or helping to lead a company to extraordinary success. In The One Thing Holding You Back , Raphael Cushnir, a leading voice in the world of personal and professional development, reveals that whenever people aren't living their dreams it's because they're not yet willing and able to feel specific emotions related to those dreams. Once we access and understand these emotions, our dreams can and will come true. Cushnir asserts that mere emotional awareness, commonly referred to as emotional intelligence, is not enough. For maximum benefit we must directly and consistently connect with our emotions. In particular, we need to connect with the emotions we routinely avoid, resist, or attempt to dismiss. It's these emotions that possess the key to our greatest goals. And learning to connect with them is another rarely taught but essential skill. The One Thing Holding You Back provides real solutions that can be implemented immediately and without external support and includes true stories of people who have put Cushnir's process to work and transformed their lives. Delivering a step-by-step program in accessible language, this landmark book will turn the obstacles in front of us into tremendous opportunities for achieving the life we always wanted.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Audiobook, Emotion

240 pages, Hardcover

First published December 30, 2008

Reviews

[Shante · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love when a random find speaks to my life in present time. The universe is always working and this book landing in my email is exactly that. The premise of the book is that emotions, or the resistance to emotions, is the one thing holding us back.

“To whatever degree you aren’t living your dreams, it’s because of key emotions related to those dreams that you’re not yet able to find and feel. Once you’re able, those dreams will begin to come true in one form or another.”

In order to overcome that mountain, we must identify the emotions and stick with them. Throughout the text Raphael goes into detail on how to locate and 'weather the storm' with something he refers to as the 2x2 Process (1. Place your attention on the sensation an emotion produces in your body. 2. Keep your attention there until the sensation dissolves or changes. 3. Slow down and take your time. 4. Get microscopic.). He offers that emotions are physical and we can pinpoint in our bodies the emotions we feel and work with them to allow them to release on their own. Finally, until we allow our emotions to run their course, we will always suffer from them.

“To notice an emotion fully is to experience it fully. At that point the message is received, and no further work is necessary”

“Unfelt emotions bring into your life people and situations that force you to feel what you previously resisted”

I take from this book the clarity to stop running from and identify my own backlogged emotions with compassion sans judgement and thought. The work this book inspires me to do is both selfish and selfless.

“When we’re connected to our own feelings and to the feelings of those around us, we make decisions that are for the most part wise and humane.”

An extremely powerful read.

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I was impressed with Karla McLaren's The Language of Emotions, perhaps I appreciate this book even more. Both of them help the reader to ride the waves of emotion, and to use emotions as vital clues to what's really going on in our minds and in our lives. While McLaren helps us to translate the messages that emotions are trying to offer to consciousness (she includes a chapter on each type of emotion), Cushnir offers a progressive series of techniques and hints for helping us learn to let emotions "speak" to us viscerally. But why choose? I'm going to put both on my (real) bookshelf for future reference.

The book includes plenty of case studies, plus occasional psychological explanations for how we think and feel. I just wish we all learned these techniques while growing up. It's not too late to turn your emotions into valuable partners!

[Diana Nagy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm glad I read this book. And I hope I eventually try it out...because this is one of the books I didn't take action on. Even though I know I should because this book showed me the true benefits of feeling your feelings and making a better life (and calmer one, too!) as a result.

[Leigha Fischer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. It gave a great explanation of all things that go into emotional connection along with real life examples to drive the point home. In the end having the Appendix was really great, too. It entire book was pretty informative, so to have a recap of everything helped reinforce everything I learned. I definitely think I will find myself going back to this book a lot while I find my way to true emotional connection like the book teaches. Definitely making progress already though!

[Sebastian · Rating 4 out of 5]

The motto: feel first, think later!

[April]

Edited on 12/21/2020: I enjoyed some points about the social aspect of emotional connection. Other than that, I still think this is not for me. At least I gave it a try and finished reading the book!

Edited on 10/22/2020: After trying to grind through the book, I'm still in chapter 5 after 5 months. This book is not long, and it is broken down to many chapters (13 to be exact). The author has a main point in his tips but it feels repetitive after some time so I get distracted easily. The tips the author gives are not impressive to me probably because I knew about those tips before. But it might be a good book for beginners in emotional intelligence.

I just finished reading the introduction, and I already felt the hardcore selling feeling. When the author points out his credibility, he uses words like "all, "every walks of life", etc without giving exact examples. Maybe the author does not want to expose his client. Let's see how it goes for the rest of the book.

[Miz Lizzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an audiobook, this is just like attending a private workshop as it is set up, with appropriate exercises and pauses, to follow along. This makes it not a very good audiobook to listen to while driving or doing something else that is not easily put down. But if you can give it enough attention to participate as well as listen, this is an insightful book full of practical tools that you can put to immediate practice to transform the way you interact with the events of your life. I was particularly struck by the resonance with my yoga teachings.

Book Pairings:
For a yoga perspective, The Heart of Yoga T.K.V. Desikachar.
For breath-based exercises that also resonate with Cushnir's work, Power Breathing by Master Stephen Co.

[Lee Sinclair · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book expands on the first half of his previous book, Setting Your Heart on Fire: Seven Invitations to Liberate Your Life. Since that was the part I most connected with, I really liked the added information he covered in this book. He talks about our resistance to feeling our feelings and how to reconnect to them. I really like his writing style. Complicated concepts are presented in a very clear, easy to follow way.

[Awarmray · Rating 4 out of 5]

From this book I learned the answers to the questions I had about "Focusing" by Eugene T. Gendlin. Taken together the two books, which are about the same thing by different approaches, will change your world whether you practice the technique or not.

[LemontreeLime · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's very sweet, and having listened to this right after listening to an audio on Buddhist therapy (already free by Tift) I probably got more out of it than I would have otherwise. Extremely light hearted self help, a good choice for someone who needs some jollity in their everyday grind.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

I may be burning out a little on the self-help genre but I'm still glad I read this. I tried the 'sit with it' approach once or twice and can see its power to dissolve stubborn emotions, which is much nicer than having them show up over and over again (recycling).

[Kaja · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book contains GREAT information. Feel your emotions and sensations in you body - as often as possible. That will lead to wholesome action and good solutions to your problems. Those are the most important messages from the book.. but of course, you might still enjoy to read the whole thing!

[Dr. Dena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful + timely read on finding that inroad b/t resistence + indulgence, or learning to feel + interpret emotions.

[Tricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

For those who, like me, aren't great at connecting with your own feelings, this is a great "how to" book! I've learned a lot from it.

[astried · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another self-help stuff.