How We Relate: Understanding God, Yourself, and Others through the Enneagram

by Jesse Eubanks

An Enneagram book like no other, How We Relate helps you discover how God speaks into your unique personality and life story to make the gospel come alive for you . In How We Relate , Enneagram coach and host of The EnneaCast podcast Jesse Eubanks invites you to discover who you are. In this illustrated guide, he expertly utilizes the Enneagram to lead you to the heart of Jesus, where you will find the wholeness you long for. As you peel back the layers of your False Self, encounter Jesus, and experience the redemption of your True Self, you will discover how Life is about relationships. It's time to transform yours.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Religion, Counselling, Psychology, Christian, Spirituality

256 pages, Hardcover

Published January 24, 2023

About the author

Jesse Eubanks is the Founder and President of Love Thy Neighborhood - a missions and discipleship agency that provides podcasts, workshops and programs to help people follow Jesus in modern culture, build better relationships and serve as urban missionaries.

Jesse hosts the Love Thy Neighborhood podcast (“like a movie for your ears”) as well as The Enneacast, is an ordained minister and a certified Enneagram coach. He is the author of “How We Relate: Understanding God, Yourself and Others Through the Enneagram” from Zondervan Books and “Mapping Your Enneagram Story” from Love Thy Neighborhood. He speaks and teaches on the intersection of social action, relational health and Christian spiritual formation.

Relevant Magazine named Jesse one of the top 50 Christian artists and activists making an impact on culture in America. Jesse and his family live in Louisville, KY. Learn more at www.lovethyneighborhood.org.

Reviews

[Jake Preston · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. While overly repetitive and simplistic at certain points, I found Eubanks' framework to be helpful. I agree with the author that the Enneagram can be a unique tool for spiritual formation in the life of a Christian and appreciated his emphasis on how Jesus both identifies with and confronts the Types.

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book on understanding the basics of the Enneagram and how it can help us with understanding ourselves and our relationship with Jesus. I highly recommend!

[Cami · Rating 3 out of 5]

Basic descriptions on identifying your personal enneagram type. He details the strengths and weaknesses when at your best and worst. I found it interesting that the different types work differently with their relationship to god and how they show up and serve him.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m new to Enneagram. This book was helpfully laid out in an organized fashion. For each type it covers the true self, the false self, childhood and adolescence, nurturing your false self, your encounter with Jesus, redeeming your true self, discipleship, and practical tips. It also covers wings and arrows.
The book encourages us to understand ourselves in relationship to Jesus and to build healthy community with each other.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very Christian oriented. Really wanted more on the Enneagram than on the religion, but it was clearly stated in the description that that was the slant. From that point of view, it was good.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very insightful and eye opening. Great connections to the way one thinks and how spirituality/religion plays a role in finding ones true self

[LB O'Nan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource for Christians wanting to learn how to use the enneagram to turn us outward so we can understand ourselves and others better and have better relationships. I love that each chapter ends with spiritual discipline prompts.

[Lindsay R · Rating 5 out of 5]

This perspective is so needed in the Christian circles. It explains the enneagram as a TOOL to understand how we all tick - it does a great job of communicating that Jesus is the answer and not the enneagram. I love how he takes each type and shows how Jesus empathizes and loves us each both broadly and specifically. Great job!

[Rochelle E · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome!

[Jaymie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Material on my type was excellent! I especially liked the author's look at what each type is trying to find and what they settle for instead. A great addition to my Enneagram library!

[Georgia C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well-written, insightful, book on the Enneagram through the lens of the Gospel. Not being very knowledgeable about the Enneagram, this book was the perfect guide-tool in easily understanding how we relate to God and others in a very useful way! Can’t wait to recommend to others! Well Done!

[Julie McNamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read numerous Enneagram books over the past 5 years and this book is at the top of favorites for how it tells the story of who Jesus is and why that matters to each type. Highly recommend!

[Steph · Rating 5 out of 5]

I so enjoyed reading this insightful book about learning to better view my life, other people in my life, and of course God. It's an interesting book of how to understand the nine different types of personalities and how they relate to each other!



*Thanks to Goodreads & Zondervan for allowing me to read an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion/review!

[Saf · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was very interesting. The book contained a lot of information and it was written in a way that as easy to grasp especially for people who are new to Enneagram. But it's primarily focused through the lenses of God, instead of Enneagram as a whole. I learned a lot though and enjoyed reading it!

[Jim Kilson · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is a hot mess! It was a hard listen, and I could only take so much in one setting... so it took me a few days to make my way through it. As I made that journey one word kept coming to mind - "gnosticism." What Eubanks presents is a bunch of esoteric new-age psycho-babble dressed up in Christian language. If the Enneagram were just another subjective personality profile, like Myers-Briggs or even the DiSC I wouldn't have many concerns, but the Enneagram isn't just some subjective personality profile, its a tool of the Occult and New Age Movement and no amount of effort to "christianize" it can alleviate its background or content. Not only is this book not beneficial, I would go so far as to call it dangerous because it promotes the teachings of false teachers (ex. Richard Rohr) and attempts to christianize that which stands opposed to Christianity. My hope is that the Enneagram and books like this that promote it and its false teachings are just a passing fad that will quickly be consigned to the ash heap of history. If I could have given it zero stars I would have!

[Phil Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jessie Eubanks has put together a thoughtful and methodical introduction to the Gospel approach to understanding the enneagram. It's a perfect book for the person needing to understand a transparent view of this tool to map their personality. I got a straightforward explanation on the history of the enneagram as well as how the truths found in the Bible are applicable in using the enneagram to understand why I behave and react the way I do. I learned so much about how God designed me and how I relate to the world around me from this book. I'm more aware of how I need to relate to others in my family, my job, my church, and to the ones I have the chance to share Jesus with.

[Taylor Chitwood · Rating 2 out of 5]

Did I glean some good things from this book? Yes.
However, the author’s sexism bleeds through the pages SO strongly that I wasn’t shocked when I looked up his views and saw the places and events he’s preached at. I struggled greatly to appreciate the good when the micro aggressive pieces constantly jumped out at me. I do also wish he would have put the info about the wings, etc, in with the chapter rather than at the end, because it gave a very shallow view of the overall Types. I DID learn some really great things that I didn’t know, but the overlying sexist tone couldn’t make me give it more than 2 stars. Without it, it would probably be a 4-star book.

[Claire S · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can't find any evidence that this writer actually graduated with any relevant degree or has any expertise or training in personality psychology except for a small certification given by a church program which was clearly unlicensed. It's poorly researched and filled with anecdotal stories which feel disingenuous and unverifiable- a classic "it's true because I said so." Seems like the writer couldn't actually succeed in the field of psychology or sociology so they rebranded it with some sort of theological spin in order to seem "deep" and "wise." Overall do not recommend.

[Karlissa J. · Rating 3 out of 5]

It amazed and impressed me how central the gospel is to this entire book, with each chapter essentially retelling the story of Jesus from the perspective of a different personality. Eubanks reminds us that the Enneagram is a tool, and though tools are handy, it is only the person of Jesus who can save us. He emphasizes the value of relationships throughout the book as well. There are helpful tips and spiritual discipline recommendations for each type.

[Julie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overly simplified & repetitive, which made it boring. If you've already taken the emneagram or have a basic familiarity of each type, then you should probably skip this book. I did NOT think it was as heretical as a couple folks have thought, but it did feel like the author believes that the enneagram is a suitable substitute for therapy or real discipleship.

[Élizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

J’ai trouvé que le titre ne correspondait pas au contenu. Dommage. J’avais l’impression que c’était un coup de pub.

Cependant, c’est le livre sur l’énéagramme que j’ai lu qui était le plus explicite sur l’Évangile. Ça m’a agréablement surpris.

Aussi l’auteur semble fascinant - je le suivrais volontiers sur Instagram ou s’il écrit un blogue.

[Mike Jenkins · Rating 1 out of 5]

Poorly formatted, repetitive, with just a sprinkle of bad theology & heresies that were known and called out in the church since before 300 AD. even the grapphic design looked like page-fillers because of the lack of credible sources or insights about the topic.

[Kate Campbell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t realize this was a religious book (must have overlooked the subtitle haha) but that was a nice surprise 🙂 I liked the perspective on Jesus—how he embodies all goodness. I appreciated the concepts that Jesus understands our hearts and has the power to strengthen us in our weakness. 🤍

[Nathan · Rating 1 out of 5]

a basic summary of the enneagram. "how we relate is how we relate" is the thesis of this book, it doesn't get better after that. repetitive.

[Gerry Smithhart · Rating 1 out of 5]

not great

[Joseph Miller · Rating 1 out of 5]

No, you’re right, we need yet another book about how to live as Christians by an American white evangelical male.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good resource for understanding the different personalities and how they interact together. It helped me understand myself and those around me.

[Deanna Lovecchio · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fantastic deep dive into the enneagram.
I loved how it helped me see how
We all show different aspects of Jesus in how he has made us!

[Hannah · Rating 1 out of 5]

it was free on audible and I still wish I could return it. the guy sounds like a high-pitched 14 year old.