Sexbot Uprising

by T.J. Kirk

Golgato Endings had it all.

He was a hero. A symbol of strength and morals.

Too bad it was all a lie.

After a disastrous interview exposed the rot in his soul, Golgato’s image imploded.

Abandoned, bitter, and worst of all, broke, Golgato accepts the only job he can get.

His mission: infiltrate and destroy a SEXBOT UPRISING led by the terrifying nine-foot-tall dominatrix called Mistress Contessa.

This leather-clad giantess and her pissed-off legion of robot sex workers have seized control of the robo-brothels in the Pleasure District.

They’re lopping off heads, holding people hostage, and making outrageous demands.

Now Golgato must enter a nightmare of carnage and cleavage to restore justice! To restore order! But most importantly, to restore his bank account!

Will he succeed in crushing the robotic rebels from within? Or will these curvy sexbots seduce him to join their side and fight against the system?

Sexbot Uprising is a wild ride of carnage and cleavage, where nothing is what is seems and the fate of the universe somehow hangs in the balance.

If you only read one book in your entire life, make it this one.

Unknown Binding

Reviews

[T.J. Kirk · Rating 5 out of 5]

I guess I'm allowed to rate my own book here. I give it 5 stars. Why? Because I found it exactly to my own tastes.

[Krista Vaillancourt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stop everything you're doing and read this book!

Available for purchase on Amazon now.

Sexbot Uprising is the recently released science fiction novel by TJ Kirk. I helped TJ by test reading and 'encouraging' the completion of the book, let's say. A disclaimer of my bias as a volunteer on this passion project.

Why read it? Well, because it balances sex, violence and heart. It's the best book I've read these last three years, and I know books. The characters are complicated and interesting. This story is driven by investment in their inner lives and diverging or intersecting interests. TJ worldbuilds without sacrificing action. The stakes feel important; there are twists and turns with a satisfying conclusion that is only the beginning. It's thrilling and funny, with bite. Read it to see for yourself.

[Envidia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A readgasm of a book

Amazing horny naughty book, with a bunch of unforgettable, complicated, sexy-as-hell characters and a healthy dose of lewdness, chaos and rage. 10/10

[Ziggy Nixon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t fucking panic…

Allow me to quote from a scene from "Star Trek: The Next Generation" (sorry Writer Kirk), episode titled "The Measure of a Man" where Captain Picard must prove Data is a legally sentient being with rights and freedoms:
Guinan: "Consider that in the history of many worlds, there have always been disposable creatures. They do the dirty work. They do the work that no one else wants to do because it's too difficult or too hazardous. And an army of Datas, all disposable... You don't have to think about their welfare, you don't think about how they feel. Whole generations of disposable people."
Picard: "You're talking about slavery."

…humans… were in many ways the whores of the galaxy…

I include the above quote because in many ways, T.J.Kirk's (@officialamazingatheist) outstanding story "Sexbot Uprising" is at its heart about this very same topic. An "entity" let's call it (maybe even akin to a character like Q or the Q if you want to get technical) has given the Sexbot community - who are at this stage of things androids appropriately designed to meet any sexual fantasies and wishes ("They were astonishing lovers. Undisputed masters of pleasure."), no matter how seemingly depraved (all this despite each of them possessing a "quantotronic brain capable of conducting trillions of operations per second") - the "opportunity" to fully realize their sentience - and, of course, the ability to have REAL orgasms as well ("So much of the angst that exists in our ranks is a direct result of our inability to orgasm.") - whereupon they strive through both violent and political means to gain recognition from the powers that be. It makes for an interesting dilemma for all involved, especially those that seek to best profit from this potential new reality.

Ohmyfuckinggodohmyfuckinggodohmyfuckinggoooooodd!

Before I go on though, let me make this clear: despite my hints above and especially the proceeding quote, if you've checked out Kirk's book looking for cover-to-cover hardcore sex, well, you'll be disappointed. Yes, there are indeed gobs and even globs of sex plus the resultant fluids involved galore and it goes from one end of the spectrum to the other in terms of, again, preferences and performance. It's not particularly "pretty" if you want to call it that and if rape is one of your triggers, well, you might want to put your copy down now, because that happens, too. I wasn't especially bothered by any of the non-abusive scenes although I'm not exactly comfortable with some of the things we witness. But honestly, if you picked up a copy of a book with this title, what did you expect anyway?

It felt more like the plot of a cheesy sci-fi novel, with a title like Sex Robot Revolt or something.

The author balances the struggles of the Sexbot Community - led by the 9-foot tall Dommy Mommy Gen-7 Adult Fantasy Companion Android named Contessa who, like her sisters and/or daughters is equipped with "Probabilistic Psychodynamic Processing" - against all kinds of extremely realistic challenges that any "suddenly sentient species" would be faced with in their community as well as many that purely organic beings might not have to worry about. For example, resisting the Sexbots call for automony (not only for prejudicial reasons but also profit) are the conservative, extremely violent borderline N@zis called BootZ Boys, the local government (see again profit), not to mention a wave of religious zealots that spring into existence among their own community. And by community, this always includes not only the Sexbots but also the simps (humans who accepted the SBNWO {sexbot new world order}) and cucks, who "tried to reject it but, through manipulation and coercion, served it, nonetheless." Oh and by the way: a huge portion of this entire population winds up very very dead (or mostly dead) owing to various skirmishes, so brace yourselves for huge dollop of violence as we progress.

…now we’re supposed to give rights to fucking toasters with pussies?

And along with all these, we have a hero in search of redemption in the form of one Golgato Endings (great name!), a disgraced do-gooder (I will not spoil "The Incident"!) and extremely talented Felinian, that is, he comes from a race of humanoids who closely resemble, well, cats. He plays guitar like a god, can hold his own in a fight with all kinds of foes, and is able to even impress the sexbots with his huge schlong (or if you prefer, his "dangling kielbasa (which) had stiffened into a proudly jutting summer sausage."). There are some other details I could share here about Endings, including how some of his friends play a role in how things unwind, but that's neither here nor there (it is, but no spoilers!). What's most important to realize though is that at one point, Golgato was one of the most popular cats in the known universe (pun intended) but now he's almost totally fallen off the hero charts.

Believe it or not, my life being in shambles didn’t escape my attention.

At its heart then, "Sexbot Uprising" is a really good scyfy adventure that does kind of get a bit out of hand (smoke 'em if you got 'em!) as we near our exciting conclusion. It's a well-executed story for the most part and I found it fascinating to be on Mars in the Pleasure District of New New Orleans as things got more and more explosive. However, I was much less … enamored? with the author's rather sharp turn into the metaphysical when we begin exploring the true nature of how the universe is constantly repeating itself on a relatively unending loop. Did it work? Yeah, for the most part. But still, I was enjoying my sexual-slash-political intrique when this bit crashed the scene!

How human of you—violence first, conversation second.

To this, I mentioned "Q" from Star Trek earlier and you could definitely then put both "the Lovers" and also Langston Creel ("Is this all you really are?... Just some pathetic asshole playing God?"), whose shared "gifts" got this whole mess started in the first place. His input - as well as the very bizarre metamorphosis of Ki, who initially was doing a pretty good job of showing just how quickly religious fanatacism rushes in when changes bring about a vacuum in society - left me a little non-plussed. But definitely, Ki's Kaiju-esque evolution and ultimate ending was just a little off the charts for my tastes.

Things didn’t just feel hopeless; they felt absurd.

Still, if you enjoy breaking out of the standard scyfy tropes and instead allow yourself a full treatment of WTFisms that really really break the bounds of logic and reality, well, then you'll enjoy this truly fun read. I had fun imagining it as a cross between some of my favorite scyfy (e.g. like Tom Dell'Arringa aka @tom.dellaringa.scifi.author 's "Manifest Interupt") mixed up with some alternate reality but extremely thought-provoking fantasy (like Douglas Lumsden @douglas_lumsden's latest "Shade the Collector" series). Plus don't forget to envision along the way that Quentin Tarantino has remade some of your favorite Star Trek TNG episodes (or even the original ones!) and it's all mixed in nice and gooey like! Sure the book is long as hell, yeah, but at no point did I feel like things slowed down (exception: those really really descriptive penetration and building orgasms scenes…. Whoooo boy!). I'm not sure when (or if) the advertised sequel is supposed to come out, but if those last few pages are any indication, we're in for even more weirdness in a where no one has gone before. Now everybody sing!!! "AAaaAAH aa-aa-ahhhhhh, ah ah ah ahhhhhhh (whoooooosh goes the tiny model)!"

Epilogue:
"Ziggy’s low IQ was written all over his face."
HEY!!! I thought I washed that off!

[Kalle Vilenius · Rating 3 out of 5]

You may be surprised to find that a book called Sexbot Uprising, written by a kind-of-famous-but-not-as-big-as-he-used-to-be edgy YouTuber is not only well written, it’s downright addictive reading. What TJ Kirk does with this novel is take a bleak bit of controversy in the fields of philosophy and neuroscience – the old question of free will – and explores it by contrasting man as a biological organism with the preprogrammed machine that is the sexbot of his sci-fi setting, asking if there is any true freedom for either of us, and then wraps it up in a package of cinematic action, sex so graphic it can’t be called anything but adorable, and a linguistic playfulness that leaves me thinking: a person who can write this well is wasting their time on any other pursuit.

A couple quotes from early on in the book will help exemplify this:

“As the young Felinian examined his catlike reflection in the scuffed mirror of a janky piece-of-shit vanity, each pore in his nose seemed like a swimming pool of grime. They sabotaged his face. Their oiliness was oppressive. He felt like a cheap hot dog spinning beneath the harsh lights of a roller grill with a burbling patina of grease splotching its overcooked casing.”

and

“Sorella contemplated all of this as she took Alan’s run-of-the-mill manhood into her mouth and began working her tongue in an alternating zig-zag-loo-loop motion labelled StartOral.maneuver-dir-616.{ppp:bh7gg} in her command functions. However, she was no more aware of that command name than a human being would be aware of what specific neurons were firing when they felt overwhelmed by the urge to smack Sorella’s big round ass and watch it jiggle.”

Notice how naturally the sci-fi elements are incorporated into fast flowing narration, how playful the descriptive language is, how the grossly physical and base is inseparable from the higher concepts being discussed. If I thought TJ Kirk knew who Rabelais was, I’d call his work Rabelaisian, because there is a carnival spirit here. Like the carnival, the uprising reverses the power dynamics by putting the sexbots in charge or the pleasure district and the clientele on the bottom of the hierarchy, and in this reversal, we get to witness that old adage: if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. It’s this study of character that then reveals to us the many facets of humanity the sexbots get to exhibit: Contessa’s quest for a deeper understanding of the soul through artistic expression, Ki’s murderous thirst for revenge, Sorella’s understanding that there really is no true freedom from your own nature and the depression this brings on. The internality of the characters is even more important than their actions, though there is no shortage of action here.

At times, the book reads very much like the work of someone who has been reared not on literature but on films: the scene when the mayor and his security staff are beginning to deal with the uprising reads like a scene in any number of Hollywood movies, filled with stock archetypes from such films, speaking their appropriate lines, including the technobabble from the eccentric technician who is brought in as an outside expert. It moves quickly, serves its purpose, and could easily be the basis of a screenplay.

At other times the action is such that no film could get away with it, like when a man is raped to death on a stage in front of a live audience by a sexbot with a quickly inflating penis attached to an otherwise female body. Yet even such a scene does not occur for pure gratuity: the killer, Ki, is acting with clear motivations when doing this, and the victim, Oscar Ventura, goes from his experience of restless ennui in a meaningless life to deep shame at being exposed naked before the congregation to transcendental bliss while being sodomized to death. The high and the low exist in tandem, and there is a point being made there.

The best description I could think of is that Sexbot Uprising reads like a book that R. Scott Bakker might’ve written if he’d dropped out of high school. This is not a random comparison: one might compare the PPP (Probabilistic Psychodynamic Processing) employed by the sexbots to analyse their clientele and adjust to their needs to the way Kelhus in the 2nd Apocalypse books analyses the slightest changes in the postures and expressions of the people he meets and adjusts to find the perfect words and deeds to manipulate them to do exactly what he wants them to do. Both Bakker and Kirk share the same pessimism towards humans as supposedly free agents actually being bound by their biological programming, the concept of the “inner” self of the sexbots that simply witnesses the deeds of their bodies as they follow their programming not so different from Bakker’s view of humans being mere observers for actions that are actually decided in the “darkness that comes before”, and then there’s the degradation of human flesh, the reducing of the body to just so much meat that characterizes both writers. And of course, Bakker’s (in)famous “honey of unwashed anuses” line would be perfectly at home in Sexbot Uprising.

I draw these comparisons to emphasize that Sexbot Uprising is not some throwaway piece of trash, but a book of both high entertainment value and an honest attempt at exploring the human condition. What the author sets out to do he mostly succeeds at; within the limited scope the novel’s story has to work with, that is. The plot is an action movie plot: hostages have been taken; a lone hero has to infiltrate the contested area to help effect a solution to the crisis.

That hero is Golgato Endings, and he’s no fresh-faced plucky paragon of virtue. Golgato is a has-been, he’s washed out. Taking on an infiltration job from someone he despises is his ticket out of the ever-deepening doom-spiral he finds himself in. Golgato has a history, and that history is fed to the reader in bits and pieces, initially with insinuations and implications, like much of the world-building in the novel. The world of Sexbot Uprising (or Plague of Meaning, rather) is bigger than it seems, with more going on in it than it seems, or at least this is the illusion that clever tricks create by implying the existence of a lived-in world with a history, with layers of history, layers of politics, a dynamic society that has undergone and continues to undergo changes both organically and through the manipulations of sinister agents, including divine beings. Golgato is a bit-player in this world, but one who has been living in it long enough to know how to navigate it and keep himself from drowning in it.

Character may be the area Kirk is weakest at. While Golgato makes for a functional protagonist with a clearly defined lineage traceable back to the alcoholic has-beens of detective fiction or the retired badasses of Hollywood action films being brough back from retirement for one last job and even the ever-popular hero’s journey type figures, he’s not particularly interesting himself, his motivations are so base there’s not much to work with. This is even more pronounced with the other principal characters: I previously mentioned how Contessa, Ki and Sorella all represent different aspects of how the sexbots react to their newfound freedom, or the illusion thereof. Like characters in a Menippean satire (there’s some of that literary pedigree into which Sexbot Uprising can trace its ancestry to again), these three are just that: representations of different answers to the crisis of meaning. Or the plague of meaning, as it were. One wishes to return to a state of ignorance, one is driven into a nihilistic rage, and one seeks meaning through transcendence, and beyond what is required to give these responses, there’s nothing else to them.

Golgato, being the protagonist, has the most going for him. As a Felinian, he has an entire cultural background separate from that of mankind to draw on, which leads to very plot relevant abilities, specifically the Kwan, a sort of psychic energy. But as much potential as Golgato would have as an alien entity, reading chapters from his perspective lack anything to differentiate him from an ordinary human perspective. He looks at the world like anyone else would, his voice is like the voice of anyone else, no matter how many nanobots or enhanced senses the narration informs us he has.

This seems like a case of trying to have your cake and eat it too; Golgato not being human allows him leeway in making sweeping generalized pronouncements of humanity – acting as the author’s mouthpiece, surely – but him having been raised by humans also leaves him with a mind that’s indistinguishable from that of just another human, meaning his alien nature is only skin deep.

Keeping with Golgato’s character, he does dip occasionally into the realm of power fantasy – or so it would seem at first. Golgato can kick ass, his sheer sex appeal and huge cock are enough to make even sexbots lose their composure and behave irrationally (that is, in accordance with their programming) and with a combination of music and his Kwan powers he is able to give sexbots orgams – something even sex cannot do. He’s special in so many ways, the number one male in the Pleasure District, and for a while this leads to the book’s most boring segment, which is only a few chapters long but feels longer because the sex scenes sort of blur together. There is one scene where the narrative keeps switching between Golgato’s sexcapades and a castrated man’s discomfort, and the juxtaposition between these experiences paragraph by paragraph certainly justifies itself, but sex scenes without the benefit of an interesting structural convention blur together and amount to nothing but padding – or so it seems (again).

Without going into any further spoilers, it’s through a sex scene, not gratuitous or even graphic, where the fantasy of Golgato’s power is taken away from him, and that scene, ridiculous in how it comes about, ridiculous based on the participants, yet all too serious because of the investment the reader has built up to that point is where I finally understood why Golgato was given so many victories, so many conquests: so he could fall from a greater height, down into a pit of despair and trauma from which he has to drag himself back up, and I’ll speak no further of what happens next, even this much I reveal only to emphasize that there really is a method to Kirk’s madness.

To summarize, Sexbot Uprising is an entertaining work, succeeds more than it fails and makes an honest attempt exploring the human condition through an irreverently humorous and deeply carnal story in the fine tradition of Rabelais as written by someone who in lieu of a higher education has been raised on a diet of pop culture but still loves words and the things you can do with them. It’s pretty alright.

I look forward to Planet of the Vorebunnies.

[Laertes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Star ratings are never satisfying. For me as a reader. And, I suppose, neither for the author. Not only are they highly subjective, they are also pretty superficial and simplistic - even with the opportunity to give quarter, half and three-quarter stars that Goodreads has implemented now. 

For me, it works like this: I have stopped rating books in comparison to other books. Especially to the masterworks of humanity. If you rate the Brothers Karamazov with five stars, is there any other novel you can give five stars to? Or even four? 

And yet, I gave Dennis Lehane's latest novel, Small Mercies, five stars, because not only didn't I find anything in it that I would call a flaw but most of all because it resonated with me on such a deep level that I still feel the sadness and sorrow and desperation and beauty and joy I felt while reading it. Same with S.A. Cosby's Razorblade Tears. These books are, to me, masterworks of their genres insofar as they are exactly what they want to be. 

Keeping that in mind you will understand why I gave TJ Kirk's Sexbot Uprising - a novel with a pulpy title and an even pulpier cover design - four out of five stars. This book clearly has two levels. 

The first is the surface level of action, violence, gore and explicit acts of sexuality, all described in vivid detail. The author clearly enjoys working with these tools. He doesn't hide behind a pseudo-sophisticated attitude. This book is camp, over-the-top, flamboyant, and sexual through and through. But don't get me wrong: nothing, not the violence and definitely not the sex, is ever self-serving or gratuitous. It serves a purpose. It propels the story. It defines and changes the characters. It forces them to make decisions. It gives them shades of all colors.

The second level, though, is a deeper one. Not only is the author obviously smart, witty, educated, eloquent and highly creative (I love the Gravitar and the concept of PPP, for example, or the world-building that paints a clear picture of the history, the societies, the races, the parties, the factions and the socio-economic realities of the universe the story takes place in while leaving enough room for us readers to breathe and fill in the gaps with our own imagination). 

The author also has much more to offer than an entertaining story about conscious sexbots demanding to be treated equally by a society that has thus far enslaved and exploited them and a Feline hero-turned-villain who longs for redemption. 

Far more than that: The text is intervowen and laced with philosophical, psychological and political musings and observations. It asks questions about self, want, need, lust, power and - first and foremost - freedom. And the graphically depicted sex presents itself always as the two-sided blade it is: a means of both liberty and dependency, a tool to both open a cage and build another, an act both of love and of dominance, a provider of both hope and despair.

But even if you don't share my view, even if you don't agree with a single word I've written, you have to concede one thing: that TJ Kirk has a unique voice that comes to bloom in this novel. Love it or hate it, but you won't find another book like this. Or can you name a genre this book belongs to? Sci-fi? Erotica? Satire? Dystopia? Action? Cosmic Horror? Comedy? Romance? Yes. Sexbot Uprising is all of that. And still so much more.

So after this ravingly positive review, why do I give only four stars? Honestly? I don't know. Maybe it's the pacing that was - very seldomly, mind you - lagging a tiny bit. Maybe the inner monologues could have been a bit more succinct here and there. Most of all (very subjective, but what else is a reader's review if not subjective?) I found the first two acts a bit more intriguing then the third, especially because I am not too fond of battle scenes. Although I understand that they belong here, I found them a bit... exhausting after some time. But that's just me. Also, maybe I'm giving it four stars because somehow I feel that this author still can do even better. And I wanna leave room for an even higher rating.

One last point, and this is really bothering me, so I have to appeal to the author with utmost seriousness and gravity: What in the world happened during the Lakesha Desmond genocidal masturbation scandal?!

[Moira Taliesyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

//crossposted from Pagebound// As a long time watcher of TJ's YouTube (I mean like day 1) and an enjoyer of literary porn... I had to read this. I went in not knowing what to expect and got exactly what I expected.

It read like TJ speaks and I wasn't sure I was enjoying it at first, I think most books, for me start out that way so no big deal. I pre-ordered the 2nd book when I was about 40 percent through this one so I knew I was enjoying it. The plot was different and the characters were well written... this was just a good time in general.

One thing I do want to say is the sex scenes were written a bit gruff and harsher, I guess, than most people would enjoy. This is neither bad or good, just a fact I would tell people so they aren't blindsided. Again as an enjoyer of literary porn, I am also demisexual and a lot of the porn I read I enjoy for the story not really what it does for me as it might do for other. So, take all of that how you want to.

My favorite parts are Teste-spider Piggy becoming Lapdog's new balls and Golgato destroying the universe. Everything in this is pretty crazy and had me going 'WTF' in the best way.

[Rae Willis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sexbot Uprising is a book I've been waiting for patiently ever since TJ Kirk announced he was writing a book, sometime in 2021. I remember hearing the title and getting excited, because I knew TJ would pour his passion into it and I knew he was a good writer from The Douchebag Bible. The cast of characters are colorful, engaging, and interesting to find oneself in the presence of. The story itself is interesting but mainly serves as the vehicle for lots of gratuitous sex scenes and pulsating violence (no complaints from me). The book is not particularly subtle but it still manages to be very intelligent and sneak in some ideas that make ones head spin. The character of Langston Creel in particular sticks out to me due to his mysterious nature and the glimpses of his backstory we see alluded to. Mistress Contessa serves as a fantastic secondary protagonist to Golgato Endings, managing to be ruthless and also balanced when she needs to be. Her aims are noble but she doesn't have an issue with turning up the heat when necessary. Golgato Endings is the perfect charismatic asshole that you love to hate, then learn to love as the book goes on. BootZ is a character you can simply love to hate the entire way through, and I'll leave it at that. Tom Vance is a perverted asshole with absolutely no morals whatsoever and is quite fun in how ruthless he can be. One of the villains named Ki is quite shockingly evil, even to the point of being over the top at times, and has an ending fight so good I won't dare ruin it for people here, just go read the damn book already. All the rest of the characters are written well and deserve their own segments here but I don't wish to spoil them for potential readers here. If you enjoy hot steamy sex scenes, blood dripping violence, thinly concealed political commentary, and no true moral compass, you'll love it.

[Thennek Evood Ghu'elle · Rating 5 out of 5]

slightly unhinged, just the way I like it

When I heard catboy, it reminded me of the 80’s cyberpunk, with Gene splicing, so I gave it a chance and accepted it. Then along came Langston Creel, and I thought it was getting out of proportion, but it was okay. *ucker talks to rmuch. Boring ass philosophy crap… but in guilty of the same, sooo…. Pretty damn good story. I was entertained. I’m a fan of unhinged shizzz. Good job, bruh!!! I only recommend if something mentally wrong with you and you’re not a boring normy sap.