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We've Got This: Stories of Disabled Parenting
How do two parents who are blind take their children to the park? How is a mother with dwarfism treated when she walks her child down the street? How do Deaf parents know when their baby cries in the night?
When writer and musician Eliza Hull was pregnant with her first child, like most parents-to-be she was a mix of excited and nervous. But as a person with a disability, there were added complexities. She wondered: Will the pregnancy be too hard? Will people judge me? Will I cope with the demands of parenting? More than 15 per cent of Australian households have a parent with a disability, yet their stories are rarely shared, their experiences almost never reflected in parenting literature.
In We’ve Got This, twenty-five parents who identify as Deaf, disabled or chronically ill discuss the highs and lows of their parenting journeys and reveal that the greatest obstacles lie in other people’s attitudes. The result is a moving, revelatory and empowering anthology. As Rebekah Taussig writes, ‘Parenthood can tangle with grief and loss. Disability can include joy and abundance. And goddammit – disabled parents exist.’
Contributors include Jacinta Parsons, Kristy Forbes, Graeme Innes, Jessica Smith, Jax Jacki Brown, Nicole Lee, Elly May Barnes, Neangok Chair, Renay Barker-Mulholland, Micheline Lee and Shakira Hussein.
When writer and musician Eliza Hull was pregnant with her first child, like most parents-to-be she was a mix of excited and nervous. But as a person with a disability, there were added complexities. She wondered: Will the pregnancy be too hard? Will people judge me? Will I cope with the demands of parenting? More than 15 per cent of Australian households have a parent with a disability, yet their stories are rarely shared, their experiences almost never reflected in parenting literature.
In We’ve Got This, twenty-five parents who identify as Deaf, disabled or chronically ill discuss the highs and lows of their parenting journeys and reveal that the greatest obstacles lie in other people’s attitudes. The result is a moving, revelatory and empowering anthology. As Rebekah Taussig writes, ‘Parenthood can tangle with grief and loss. Disability can include joy and abundance. And goddammit – disabled parents exist.’
Contributors include Jacinta Parsons, Kristy Forbes, Graeme Innes, Jessica Smith, Jax Jacki Brown, Nicole Lee, Elly May Barnes, Neangok Chair, Renay Barker-Mulholland, Micheline Lee and Shakira Hussein.
278 pages, Paperback
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About the author
Eliza Hull
7 books7 followersEliza Hull is a writer, audio producer and musician based in Castlemaine, Victoria. She produced the ABC series We’ve Got This: On Parenting with a Disability, an audio series on disability and relationships for Radio National, and And Then Something Changed, a kids TV drama for ABCME about a child’s experience of having a disability. She is the access and inclusion coordinator at Arena Theatre, and a current member of the Victorian Disability Advisory Council.
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September 4, 2022Update I didn't mean this review and consequent thread to be about abortion. The book is about many other issues and I should write a proper review of it. That said, I don't support abortion as the answer to a baby not going to be 100% 'normal' at all. It gives me the horrors that a child without an arm might be aborted. It starts to stray into eugenics. However, the greater evil is not allowing women to choose. And in this book, there are the majority who think that the greater evil is aborting babies who will be born with some degree, greater or lesser, of disablement.
I understand that they feel it negates their existence, that they, doesn't matter what abilities they have or don't have, have the right to life and people should spend time, money and effort on enabling those lives which might be different but just as fulfilling as normally-abled people. I support that view.
One of the great surprises I had a few years ago, was a totally disabled man in a high wheel chair who just blew into a pipe. He was on the Metromover! I was so pleased that with elevators and the platform and train being on exactly the same level, he was able to go around Miami for free just as I was. It is what we should all aim for in our cities. But... but the principle of every woman being able to choose for any reason and no reason to continue a pregnancy should be up to her and no one else at all.
There was a tv program featuring a young woman in a wheelchair and a Down syndrome actor (who use of language made me wonder if his intelligence wasn't above normal) who had backed a Down syndrome girl's bill in Parliament to get the abortion law changed from - if the fetus was disabled - right up to birth, to the 24 week limit all other abortions have. (This is the UK folks, early abortions are by post these days, just 2 pills, this is not the US).
The bill didn't pass. The tv interviewers were outraged but decided to interview people connected to late abortion in many ways - women who had considered it or done it, medical people, social workers etc. And in the end they changed their minds because they said having an early abortion limit meant that some women might feel rushed into making a decision - abortion - whereas a late abortion time meant they would have time to investigate and discover so much more about the life their child could be expected to have and how they could cope and make a happy family.
Nobody in this book would agree with that view point.
__________
Some of this is very challenging. I have to admit to myself I am an ableist and am not against abortion for foetuse with disabilities, it's up to the parents. However, what I am reading in this book definitely does not take that view. I do not view all people with disabilities as part of the natural diversity of human beings to the extent I think all genetic testing during pregnancy should be abolished. But then neither am I am an anti-abortionist.
In the UK today a law was passed making the abortion pill available to all adult women under 10 weeks pregnant by a teleconsultation. It actually works up to 12 weeks. This abortion-by-post came in because of covid, and was due to be dropped, but a majority of MPs objected and on the bill passing, the Minister for Public Health, Maggie Throup, said
I understand that they feel it negates their existence, that they, doesn't matter what abilities they have or don't have, have the right to life and people should spend time, money and effort on enabling those lives which might be different but just as fulfilling as normally-abled people. I support that view.
One of the great surprises I had a few years ago, was a totally disabled man in a high wheel chair who just blew into a pipe. He was on the Metromover! I was so pleased that with elevators and the platform and train being on exactly the same level, he was able to go around Miami for free just as I was. It is what we should all aim for in our cities. But... but the principle of every woman being able to choose for any reason and no reason to continue a pregnancy should be up to her and no one else at all.
There was a tv program featuring a young woman in a wheelchair and a Down syndrome actor (who use of language made me wonder if his intelligence wasn't above normal) who had backed a Down syndrome girl's bill in Parliament to get the abortion law changed from - if the fetus was disabled - right up to birth, to the 24 week limit all other abortions have. (This is the UK folks, early abortions are by post these days, just 2 pills, this is not the US).
The bill didn't pass. The tv interviewers were outraged but decided to interview people connected to late abortion in many ways - women who had considered it or done it, medical people, social workers etc. And in the end they changed their minds because they said having an early abortion limit meant that some women might feel rushed into making a decision - abortion - whereas a late abortion time meant they would have time to investigate and discover so much more about the life their child could be expected to have and how they could cope and make a happy family.
Nobody in this book would agree with that view point.
__________
Some of this is very challenging. I have to admit to myself I am an ableist and am not against abortion for foetuse with disabilities, it's up to the parents. However, what I am reading in this book definitely does not take that view. I do not view all people with disabilities as part of the natural diversity of human beings to the extent I think all genetic testing during pregnancy should be abolished. But then neither am I am an anti-abortionist.
In the UK today a law was passed making the abortion pill available to all adult women under 10 weeks pregnant by a teleconsultation. It actually works up to 12 weeks. This abortion-by-post came in because of covid, and was due to be dropped, but a majority of MPs objected and on the bill passing, the Minister for Public Health, Maggie Throup, said
The wellbeing and safety of women requiring access to abortion services is paramount.With these measures women will have more choice in how and where they access abortion services, while ensuring robust data is collected to ensure their continued safety.How different from the US. And how different from the book.
June 4, 2022
TW: ableism, homophobia, transphobia, medical discrimination, racism
It was SO GOOD to finally read a book by disabled parents for disabled parents! Every parent should read these stories. I finally felt seen.
It was SO GOOD to finally read a book by disabled parents for disabled parents! Every parent should read these stories. I finally felt seen.
March 8, 2025
I loved these stories and I think they’re for everyone, not just the disabled community or parents. It’s given me great hope that I will someday be able to become a parent and do it well, despite chronic illness and disability.
June 25, 2022
It takes a village to raise a child. A network of support and help, meals dropped off, an extra person to help tow all the things to get out of the house, ir just a couple of other people that also get to listen to baby crying. But when disabled people have children, they are often expected by medical professionals and authority officers to either manage it all, independently and competently the first time, themselves.
60% of babies born to parents with intellectual disability are removed from their care, under the assumption the parent or parents cannot care for the child. But we as a society don't hold non-disabled new parents up to the same expectations by a long stretch.
This book, of 25 chapters of disabled parents sharing their moments of wanting to be, and becoming parents, breaks down all the ableist misconceptions that disabled parents can look after children. They are masters at adaptability, flexibility, and changing plans. Of constant fatigue, of navigating appointments and finding another way to do something. The ableist world makes them experts!
Harsh and ableist attitudes from the medical world, and the general public, are the most crippling of barriers to overcome for most of the contributors here. Even whilst often working through their own internal ableism, developed from a lifetime of being told that they can't do some thing. Something we can all reflect on, and be better allies and supports - or members of the villages!
This collection is fiercely intersectional, such diversity of experiences, in disability, conception methods, and across the spectrum of human existence. But what is universal is the love and joy of having a child of their own, and being a disabled parent.
An important collection, putting #OwnVoices on our shelves, and providing representation to the future disabled parents out there.
60% of babies born to parents with intellectual disability are removed from their care, under the assumption the parent or parents cannot care for the child. But we as a society don't hold non-disabled new parents up to the same expectations by a long stretch.
This book, of 25 chapters of disabled parents sharing their moments of wanting to be, and becoming parents, breaks down all the ableist misconceptions that disabled parents can look after children. They are masters at adaptability, flexibility, and changing plans. Of constant fatigue, of navigating appointments and finding another way to do something. The ableist world makes them experts!
Harsh and ableist attitudes from the medical world, and the general public, are the most crippling of barriers to overcome for most of the contributors here. Even whilst often working through their own internal ableism, developed from a lifetime of being told that they can't do some thing. Something we can all reflect on, and be better allies and supports - or members of the villages!
This collection is fiercely intersectional, such diversity of experiences, in disability, conception methods, and across the spectrum of human existence. But what is universal is the love and joy of having a child of their own, and being a disabled parent.
An important collection, putting #OwnVoices on our shelves, and providing representation to the future disabled parents out there.
September 21, 2025
I’m so grateful this anthology exists; it’s so deeply needed! I appreciated the wide variety of experiences, identities and contexts represented in this collection, and I also found the quality of the pieces to be quite disparate. Overall, I learned so much from it and will be returning to several of the essays that resonated most. My favourite essay was the final one by Rebekah Taussig where she writes so beautifully:
“My body and my baby are both unpredictable and take turns derailing our plans. They flourish when we lean into flexibility, imagination and adaptability. They require patience and endurance, attention and care - they thrive when we lean into interdependence. They inspire innovation and new ways of being together; they nurture a tender, sturdy intimacy in our family; they are bewildering, magical and demanding.”
“My body and my baby are both unpredictable and take turns derailing our plans. They flourish when we lean into flexibility, imagination and adaptability. They require patience and endurance, attention and care - they thrive when we lean into interdependence. They inspire innovation and new ways of being together; they nurture a tender, sturdy intimacy in our family; they are bewildering, magical and demanding.”
January 25, 2024
I loved this book. I loved hearing how people with disabilities adapt to various life challenges. It was empowering. It also helped to increase my understanding or ableism particularly internalised ableism.
September 25, 2022
What a fantastic, eye opening book. This is a book that should be read by health care professionals. I was heartbroken to read all the accounts of people being told that they couldn’t or shouldn’t, particularly by people that they trusted. Couldn’t put it down.
August 27, 2024
Everyone needs to read this
June 26, 2023
4.5 stars
Much more uplifting than the book called Arrival Stories that I read a few months ago. Quite a few editing errors and incorrect grammar though.
Much more uplifting than the book called Arrival Stories that I read a few months ago. Quite a few editing errors and incorrect grammar though.
May 27, 2022
Once upon a time for over 10 years I worked as a personal carer with people with disabilities. I know I can never understand what it is like but I thought this gave me a little bit of an insight into their lives and experiences and struggles. I've seen shop assistants direct questions to me instead of my client or struggled with access and navigation of public places with a chair etc. And my experience does give me a some insight but my goodness a book like this really highlights how much able bodied people have no idea. And it definitely makes me rethink a few things.
Real stories from real people. People who are strong and proud and resilient and always adapting and finding their own way of doing things.
It was lovely to hear that there is a community of people who have found each other and support each other and are empowered and proud in a way I have never seen before. And good on them for fighting through barriers to now be raising beautiful humans of their own.
Real stories from real people. People who are strong and proud and resilient and always adapting and finding their own way of doing things.
It was lovely to hear that there is a community of people who have found each other and support each other and are empowered and proud in a way I have never seen before. And good on them for fighting through barriers to now be raising beautiful humans of their own.
May 6, 2022
Black Inc Books is not just a Melbourne publishing house; it is an advocacy phenomenon, producing the ground-breaking Growing Up... in Australia series which includes
Growing Up Asian in Australia, edited by Alice Pun (2008)
Growing up Aboriginal in Australia edited by Anita Heiss (2018, see my review)
Growing up African in Australia edited by Maxine Beneba Clarke (2019, see my review)
Growing Up Queer in Australian edited by Benjamin Law (2019)
Growing Up Disabled in Australia edited by Carly Findlay (2021, see my review);
Growing Up in Country Australia edited by Rick Morton (2022, reserved at the library) and
a compilation issue titled Growing Up in Australia (2021)
This series celebrates diversity in all its forms, and is notable for the way each anthology of short memoirs gives voice to a wide range of identities and experiences. But one thing they all have in common is that while all the contributors are shown to have agency in their own lives, none of them had a choice about their circumstances, which arose from genetic inheritance, accident or illness, or the decisions of their parents.
Growing Up Disabled, We've Got This, Stories by Disabled Parents is a companion piece to Growing Up Disabled in Australia. But it offers a slightly different perspective because although some of these parents acquired a disability later in life after their children were born, many of these contributors despite an existing disability chose to fulfil their yearning to be parents and to exercise their right to do so. For them it was a pathway that was difficult but worth it.
What reading this collection makes clear is that the judgements of others made things more difficult than they needed to be. Sometimes this was because their choice to have a child was questioned, in a way that it never would be for would-be parents without a disability. And sometimes implicit in the question was the hurtful assumption that the risk of having a baby with the same disability was not one that anyone would want to take.
Eliza Hull is the creator of the ABC audio series We've Got This and if you haven't already come across it, I recommend listening to the whole series. Some of the participants in the series are featured in the book, and tell more of their story. Carol Taylor, for example, is a lawyer, fashion designer and artist, and her disability-led fashion labels have been featured at the Mercedes Benz Fashion Festival. Which is a long overdue acknowledgement that disabled people are just as interested in looking good as anyone else. A quadriplegic since a car accident on her honeymoon, Taylor is also the mother of D'arcy, now fourteen, and despite her occasional doubts, he doesn't think having a disabled mother is in any way different to any other parent-child relationship.
You can hear Darcy speaking for himself about this in this podcast episode of We've Got This: From the Mouths of Babes.
To read the rest of my review please visit https://anzlitlovers.com/2022/05/06/w...
Growing Up Asian in Australia, edited by Alice Pun (2008)
Growing up Aboriginal in Australia edited by Anita Heiss (2018, see my review)
Growing up African in Australia edited by Maxine Beneba Clarke (2019, see my review)
Growing Up Queer in Australian edited by Benjamin Law (2019)
Growing Up Disabled in Australia edited by Carly Findlay (2021, see my review);
Growing Up in Country Australia edited by Rick Morton (2022, reserved at the library) and
a compilation issue titled Growing Up in Australia (2021)
This series celebrates diversity in all its forms, and is notable for the way each anthology of short memoirs gives voice to a wide range of identities and experiences. But one thing they all have in common is that while all the contributors are shown to have agency in their own lives, none of them had a choice about their circumstances, which arose from genetic inheritance, accident or illness, or the decisions of their parents.
Growing Up Disabled, We've Got This, Stories by Disabled Parents is a companion piece to Growing Up Disabled in Australia. But it offers a slightly different perspective because although some of these parents acquired a disability later in life after their children were born, many of these contributors despite an existing disability chose to fulfil their yearning to be parents and to exercise their right to do so. For them it was a pathway that was difficult but worth it.
What reading this collection makes clear is that the judgements of others made things more difficult than they needed to be. Sometimes this was because their choice to have a child was questioned, in a way that it never would be for would-be parents without a disability. And sometimes implicit in the question was the hurtful assumption that the risk of having a baby with the same disability was not one that anyone would want to take.
Being a disabled parent is a rebellious act. Disabled people should have the same right to parent as anyone else, but often when we decide to start a family we are met with judgment and discrimination. We are questioned rather than supported. We have to push up against the medical system, which is particularly problematic for disabled people. And we have to confront how ableist society's model of parenting is, even in the twenty-first century. (From the Introduction by Eliza Hull, p1.)
Eliza Hull is the creator of the ABC audio series We've Got This and if you haven't already come across it, I recommend listening to the whole series. Some of the participants in the series are featured in the book, and tell more of their story. Carol Taylor, for example, is a lawyer, fashion designer and artist, and her disability-led fashion labels have been featured at the Mercedes Benz Fashion Festival. Which is a long overdue acknowledgement that disabled people are just as interested in looking good as anyone else. A quadriplegic since a car accident on her honeymoon, Taylor is also the mother of D'arcy, now fourteen, and despite her occasional doubts, he doesn't think having a disabled mother is in any way different to any other parent-child relationship.
It hasn't impacted negatively on his childhood. In fact, he credits it with teaching him the importance of patience. He understands that Mum gets frustrated when she can't do things independently and hates asking for help. He has more empathy than other kids; he says he tries to always imagine what it must be like 'in my wheels'. He believes having a parent with disability has enabled him to always see the good in other people and never judge a book by its cover. But don't be fooled into thinking he walks around with a halo: like most fourteen-year-olds, he still has mum chasing after him at high-speed reminding him to pick up after himself and keep his room tidy. (pp.192-30
You can hear Darcy speaking for himself about this in this podcast episode of We've Got This: From the Mouths of Babes.
To read the rest of my review please visit https://anzlitlovers.com/2022/05/06/w...
April 30, 2022
All these stories of self-love & familial love are so beautiful. When we talk about disability and families - it's always about the abled parents and their disabled children, how wonderful it is to read about disabled PARENTS (and sometimes their disabled kids). I'm not going to use the I word here, but it's so affirming to read this as a disabled person, it really is.
October 16, 2025
Such an interesting and important collection of essays on parenting with a disability. As someone with a chronic illness some of them really hit home.
These parents showed that disability and parenting don’t have to be opposing ideals, they can be beautifully intertwined and that you don’t have to fit into a specific mould to be a good parent. It really does take a village to nurture a child and that’s okay. Despite the many challenges and discrimination they face, most describe how the joy of raising a child, as well as teaching them about equality, community and empathy for others, makes it worth it.
Whilst there were some unique point of view, a lot of the stories mirrored each other, and the essays did get repetitive. That being said, i would definitely recommend this book to anyone, especially those grappling with the idea of becoming a disabled parent.
These parents showed that disability and parenting don’t have to be opposing ideals, they can be beautifully intertwined and that you don’t have to fit into a specific mould to be a good parent. It really does take a village to nurture a child and that’s okay. Despite the many challenges and discrimination they face, most describe how the joy of raising a child, as well as teaching them about equality, community and empathy for others, makes it worth it.
Whilst there were some unique point of view, a lot of the stories mirrored each other, and the essays did get repetitive. That being said, i would definitely recommend this book to anyone, especially those grappling with the idea of becoming a disabled parent.
May 6, 2022
Wow.
Thought provoking.
I am deeply appreciative of all the contributors sharing parts of their life in these stories.
Ableism-I am always learning, always attempting to keep my mind open and receptive- and with this book I think each story made me check my ableism response.
Any parent, anywhere is doing an amazing job, and I have always felt that every parent is doing the best they can, in that moment, with the skills and strengths they have, there is so set in concrete “gold standard” for all, we all just do our best. It is the hardest and also the most beautiful experience I have ever walked. And every parent sharing their stories here is doing an amazing job.
Thought provoking.
I am deeply appreciative of all the contributors sharing parts of their life in these stories.
Ableism-I am always learning, always attempting to keep my mind open and receptive- and with this book I think each story made me check my ableism response.
Any parent, anywhere is doing an amazing job, and I have always felt that every parent is doing the best they can, in that moment, with the skills and strengths they have, there is so set in concrete “gold standard” for all, we all just do our best. It is the hardest and also the most beautiful experience I have ever walked. And every parent sharing their stories here is doing an amazing job.
February 19, 2023
8 years into parenting before I had the life affirming joy of reading this book as a disabled parent. I would recommend this to all parents, especially disabled ones or those coparenting with disabled people. There are some stories of miscarriage and baby loss, so tread carefully if this is likely to affect you.
April 16, 2023
This is an essential collection of essays by disabled parents about what it's like parenting as a disabled person. One big takeaway: the disability isn't the problem. It's how society treats disabled parents, and the lack of accessibility.
October 13, 2023
I read this as I spent the week living in hotels waiting for my temporary accommodation to be made accessible for me to live in. It was really encouraging to hear other Disabled people telling me life would be okay.
January 1, 2024
This is great. A number of thoughtful pieces from a number of points of view. My biggest criticism is that there is a high number of certain disabilities compared to others but given the differing points of view that's not really a problem.
Read
February 22, 2024Illuminating, really glad this exists for people to see their experiences reflected, and for professionals to try to become more informed.
August 14, 2022
I loved reading the various stories on how 25 parents on the highs & lows of their parenting journeys.
I myself have a disability that requires the use of my trusted wheelchair & I'm also a parent of 3 beautiful children.
Worth recommending this book.
I myself have a disability that requires the use of my trusted wheelchair & I'm also a parent of 3 beautiful children.
Worth recommending this book.
July 30, 2022
4.5 from me. Excellent read. Lived experiences of parents with disabilities which are in turn heartbreaking, poignant, sometimes unjust and sometimes similar to mine. Excellent way to make me think thru some ableism of my own and understand more deeply how important these parenting journeys are for disabled folks. And I love love love this series, for the authentic range of experiences and insights people share.
September 19, 2024
I recommend this to anyone really - people of all walks of life are likely to encounter people/parents with disabilities, and I think this book would help them to have an insight into prejudices that they may have. Also good for people with disabilities to read, so that they can learn about other people like them, who are parents. Good book for anyone to read.
July 8, 2022
Excellently told stories. Narrated by the editor, a great fit. Content wise, I might check out the related podcast. Damn. I didn’t realise I had so many prejudices with disabled parents. Like I wouldn’t have thought I did before reading it. But as some of the stories got told, I had to really examine why I thought certain things. I really appreciated the chance to read this and open up my mind more about all the wonderful parenting possibilities and what a disabled family might look like. A great compilation
October 18, 2024
“being a disabled parent is a rebellious act”
“i don’t parent despite my disability; i parent as a proudly disabled person”
hopefully goes without saying at this point that i loved this, just like the rest of the series! hearing a diverse range of lived experiences will never not be invaluable <3 especially loved the final four stories
- really appreciated the diversity of disabilities and identities represented - first nations, queer, immigrants, CALD etc -
- didn’t realise that “more than 15 per cent of Australian households have a parent with disability” - a much greater percentage than i expected!! and makes the lack of representation in popular media even worse
- appreciated the repeated emphasis on strengths-based approaches and how not only is it possible to parent if you’re disabled, but being disabled can a) set you up well to parent (used to being creative, problem solving, patience etc) and b) have positive impacts on your children (empathy, patience etc)
- i will say, i am still looking for more nuance around the limitations of the social model (not at all disagreeing with this model - completely agree so much of disability is due to society - but its also not that black and white) and having children if you know you are passing on conditions with, for example, high chronic pain - these limitations of the social model are recognised in academia and i’ve studied them (at a basic undergrad level) but i find theres a lack of willingness to explore this nuance elsewhere - which i understand of course, but doesn’t make these conversations less necessary
- the interviews with intellectually disabled parents were particularly eye-opening - an area i didn’t know much about and we don’t often hear from people with intellectual disabilities. i found their experiences of interacting with the state, and the statistic that “60 per cent of parents with intellectual disability will have their kids taken by the state” shocking
- the fact that prohibited forced sterilisation of people with disability remains legal in australia was also shocking and something i want to look more into as it wasn’t discussed in here
- some other specific challenges disabled parents/people faced in this book that i think are important to highlight: challenges in adopting, family/domestic violence when your partner is your carer
- On the importance of addressing actual community needs: “We live in a world that values sympathy for people with disabilities and encourages us to donate to hospitals so they can cure disability. Meanwhile, people with disabilities are left behind, because those things that would make life liveable – a translator, a piece of software, a ramp – are not given priority.”
- “I think these attitudes exist because we’ve been writing about autism in the same way for eighty years. Textbook autism is very different to real-life autism. The current diagnostic criteria for autism describe distressed or traumatised autistic people: they don’t describe what an autistic person looks like when they’re well supported, accommodated and understood.”
- On double standards and different perspectives: all parents struggle, but different people will see that as being due to being disabled or due to being a parent. equally, empathy may change depending on which is perceived to be the ‘cause’.
- “Suddenly my confusion and slow functioning was acceptable because I was a New Mother. I was afforded a generosity I’d never encountered as a disabled adult…I was both grateful for the support I was receiving now and acutely aware of how few adjustments had been made for me previously as a disabled person.”
- “I quickly discovered that parents felt entitled to adjustments that were denied to disabled people….My fellow feminist parents expected that the circumstances of their life – in this case, having a child – should not exclude them from anything. So why did I accept being excluded because of my disability?”
- “Now I accept that depending on others is part of our human experience, and I relish how my experience teaches my children that relying on others is normal – and morally neutral. Giving and receiving help is not a scale to be balanced or declared equal, but a reciprocity that is shared. I want them to see that being part of a community is healthy, giving to others is empowering and that all people deserve dignity and care.”
- “In Australia, I was suddenly both more and less disabled. Less disabled because attitudes here seemed to have progressed. More disabled because society expected new mothers to perform the work of an entire village…Ableism does exist here; it just looks a little different. “
- the book ended beautifully with these words from Rebekah Taussig (highly recommend checking out her work, especially her new podcast!!):
“How interesting, to sit at the intersection between disability and parenting and feel the similarities wash over me again and again. Because not only are disability and parenting often imagined as two incompatible experiences, but parenthood is generally portrayed as a net gain and disability as an unequivocal loss. Even as both experiences are complicated and all-encompassing, isn’t it interesting to see them pulled apart and pushed into such opposing categories? Can you imagine if the overwhelming response to new parents was heartbreak, condolences and pity? Or if culturally we were able to recognise potential value in disability? Can you imagine if we responded to parenthood and disability with a resounding, ‘That could mean anything on earth to you! How do you feel today?’ Can you imagine if disabled people were seen as viable, competent parents? These experiences aren’t a one-to-one comparison, and they aren’t interchangeable. The experience of disability doesn’t mean you automatically understand parenting, or vice versa. Obviously not. But I think we will all benefit if we open our narratives surrounding each. Parenthood can tangle with grief and loss. Disability can include joy and abundance. And goddammit – disabled parents exist. We get to be both. We always get to be both.”
“i don’t parent despite my disability; i parent as a proudly disabled person”
hopefully goes without saying at this point that i loved this, just like the rest of the series! hearing a diverse range of lived experiences will never not be invaluable <3 especially loved the final four stories
- really appreciated the diversity of disabilities and identities represented - first nations, queer, immigrants, CALD etc -
- didn’t realise that “more than 15 per cent of Australian households have a parent with disability” - a much greater percentage than i expected!! and makes the lack of representation in popular media even worse
- appreciated the repeated emphasis on strengths-based approaches and how not only is it possible to parent if you’re disabled, but being disabled can a) set you up well to parent (used to being creative, problem solving, patience etc) and b) have positive impacts on your children (empathy, patience etc)
- i will say, i am still looking for more nuance around the limitations of the social model (not at all disagreeing with this model - completely agree so much of disability is due to society - but its also not that black and white) and having children if you know you are passing on conditions with, for example, high chronic pain - these limitations of the social model are recognised in academia and i’ve studied them (at a basic undergrad level) but i find theres a lack of willingness to explore this nuance elsewhere - which i understand of course, but doesn’t make these conversations less necessary
- the interviews with intellectually disabled parents were particularly eye-opening - an area i didn’t know much about and we don’t often hear from people with intellectual disabilities. i found their experiences of interacting with the state, and the statistic that “60 per cent of parents with intellectual disability will have their kids taken by the state” shocking
- the fact that prohibited forced sterilisation of people with disability remains legal in australia was also shocking and something i want to look more into as it wasn’t discussed in here
- some other specific challenges disabled parents/people faced in this book that i think are important to highlight: challenges in adopting, family/domestic violence when your partner is your carer
- On the importance of addressing actual community needs: “We live in a world that values sympathy for people with disabilities and encourages us to donate to hospitals so they can cure disability. Meanwhile, people with disabilities are left behind, because those things that would make life liveable – a translator, a piece of software, a ramp – are not given priority.”
- “I think these attitudes exist because we’ve been writing about autism in the same way for eighty years. Textbook autism is very different to real-life autism. The current diagnostic criteria for autism describe distressed or traumatised autistic people: they don’t describe what an autistic person looks like when they’re well supported, accommodated and understood.”
- On double standards and different perspectives: all parents struggle, but different people will see that as being due to being disabled or due to being a parent. equally, empathy may change depending on which is perceived to be the ‘cause’.
- “Suddenly my confusion and slow functioning was acceptable because I was a New Mother. I was afforded a generosity I’d never encountered as a disabled adult…I was both grateful for the support I was receiving now and acutely aware of how few adjustments had been made for me previously as a disabled person.”
- “I quickly discovered that parents felt entitled to adjustments that were denied to disabled people….My fellow feminist parents expected that the circumstances of their life – in this case, having a child – should not exclude them from anything. So why did I accept being excluded because of my disability?”
- “Now I accept that depending on others is part of our human experience, and I relish how my experience teaches my children that relying on others is normal – and morally neutral. Giving and receiving help is not a scale to be balanced or declared equal, but a reciprocity that is shared. I want them to see that being part of a community is healthy, giving to others is empowering and that all people deserve dignity and care.”
- “In Australia, I was suddenly both more and less disabled. Less disabled because attitudes here seemed to have progressed. More disabled because society expected new mothers to perform the work of an entire village…Ableism does exist here; it just looks a little different. “
- the book ended beautifully with these words from Rebekah Taussig (highly recommend checking out her work, especially her new podcast!!):
“How interesting, to sit at the intersection between disability and parenting and feel the similarities wash over me again and again. Because not only are disability and parenting often imagined as two incompatible experiences, but parenthood is generally portrayed as a net gain and disability as an unequivocal loss. Even as both experiences are complicated and all-encompassing, isn’t it interesting to see them pulled apart and pushed into such opposing categories? Can you imagine if the overwhelming response to new parents was heartbreak, condolences and pity? Or if culturally we were able to recognise potential value in disability? Can you imagine if we responded to parenthood and disability with a resounding, ‘That could mean anything on earth to you! How do you feel today?’ Can you imagine if disabled people were seen as viable, competent parents? These experiences aren’t a one-to-one comparison, and they aren’t interchangeable. The experience of disability doesn’t mean you automatically understand parenting, or vice versa. Obviously not. But I think we will all benefit if we open our narratives surrounding each. Parenthood can tangle with grief and loss. Disability can include joy and abundance. And goddammit – disabled parents exist. We get to be both. We always get to be both.”
June 26, 2022
A fabulous anthology. Should be a compulsory read in high schools, in training for medical professionals, and for anyone who has ignorant, ableist views on disabilities.
April 28, 2023
One of the best books I've read.
I'll try to come back and revise to say more, but that's all I can come up with at the moment, and I really mean it ...
This is a wonderful book!
I'll try to come back and revise to say more, but that's all I can come up with at the moment, and I really mean it ...
This is a wonderful book!
July 17, 2023
Originally posted on Just Geeking by.
Content warnings:
We’ve Got This is a much-needed selection of essays from disabled parents about parenting as disabled people. This was a book that was very relevant to me as someone who is one part of a disabled couple. As many of the authors mention there is hardly any information out there about disabled parenting, and the information you do come across is filled with the attitude that disabled parents either can’t parent for various reasons or they shouldn’t become parents because they are passing on their hereditary conditions. These ableist and eugenicist beliefs are not only ignorant, they’re spreading misinformation and have an extremely harmful effect on disabled people.
The essays in We’ve Got This are from disabled parents from a wide array of backgrounds, and situations. It is wonderfully intersectional and includes many different disabilities which I especially appreciated. I often find collections like this fail to comprehend just how diverse the disabled community is. That wasn’t the case here and Eliza Hull has done a fantastic job of curating this book. The essays themselves are brilliant, written from the heart and are very informative.
My one complaint is that I feel that the book would have benefited from content warnings at the start of each essay as some of them talk about some very difficult topics, and they appear without warning at times which I found quite uncomfortable. By that I’m referring to my own personal triggers because We’ve Got This does talk about a lot of uncomfortable situations and rightly so. I thought I was aware of some of the traumatic situations that disabled people dealt with regarding pregnancy, however, I now realise I was only just scratching the surface.
Despite being difficult to read at times We’ve Got This is a book that I’m going to be recommending to everyone, disabled and non-disabled people. I was asked by someone about how relevant this book is to people who aren’t parents or thinking about starting a family, and I personally think this book is relevant to everyone. As mentioned at the start of this review disabled parenting is an area that is extremely scrutinised by so many people many of who have never actually bothered to take the time to speak to or spend time with a disabled parent.
Parenting is terrifying for anyone, and being disabled adds so much more pressure because of the social and medical models of disability. The wealth of experiences, knowledge and sense of community that We’ve Got This offers is invaluable, offering advice and support for disabled people while shedding light on the ableist and eugenicist attitudes of medical, social and educational professionals.
My personal favourite essays were by Nina Tame who is always a joy to read, Lucy and James Catchpole who are both disabled but have different disabilities, and they talk about how that affected the way they were perceived as parents, and Jasper Peach who has chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia talking about parenting with those conditions. Those three were ones that resonated with me personally in some way, but I gained something from and every single one. This is a brilliant book that will be hard to read, but it’s a necessary read.
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Content warnings:
We’ve Got This is a much-needed selection of essays from disabled parents about parenting as disabled people. This was a book that was very relevant to me as someone who is one part of a disabled couple. As many of the authors mention there is hardly any information out there about disabled parenting, and the information you do come across is filled with the attitude that disabled parents either can’t parent for various reasons or they shouldn’t become parents because they are passing on their hereditary conditions. These ableist and eugenicist beliefs are not only ignorant, they’re spreading misinformation and have an extremely harmful effect on disabled people.
The essays in We’ve Got This are from disabled parents from a wide array of backgrounds, and situations. It is wonderfully intersectional and includes many different disabilities which I especially appreciated. I often find collections like this fail to comprehend just how diverse the disabled community is. That wasn’t the case here and Eliza Hull has done a fantastic job of curating this book. The essays themselves are brilliant, written from the heart and are very informative.
My one complaint is that I feel that the book would have benefited from content warnings at the start of each essay as some of them talk about some very difficult topics, and they appear without warning at times which I found quite uncomfortable. By that I’m referring to my own personal triggers because We’ve Got This does talk about a lot of uncomfortable situations and rightly so. I thought I was aware of some of the traumatic situations that disabled people dealt with regarding pregnancy, however, I now realise I was only just scratching the surface.
Despite being difficult to read at times We’ve Got This is a book that I’m going to be recommending to everyone, disabled and non-disabled people. I was asked by someone about how relevant this book is to people who aren’t parents or thinking about starting a family, and I personally think this book is relevant to everyone. As mentioned at the start of this review disabled parenting is an area that is extremely scrutinised by so many people many of who have never actually bothered to take the time to speak to or spend time with a disabled parent.
Parenting is terrifying for anyone, and being disabled adds so much more pressure because of the social and medical models of disability. The wealth of experiences, knowledge and sense of community that We’ve Got This offers is invaluable, offering advice and support for disabled people while shedding light on the ableist and eugenicist attitudes of medical, social and educational professionals.
My personal favourite essays were by Nina Tame who is always a joy to read, Lucy and James Catchpole who are both disabled but have different disabilities, and they talk about how that affected the way they were perceived as parents, and Jasper Peach who has chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia talking about parenting with those conditions. Those three were ones that resonated with me personally in some way, but I gained something from and every single one. This is a brilliant book that will be hard to read, but it’s a necessary read.
BLOG | REVIEWS | REVIEW SCHEDULE | TWITTER | INSTAGRAM | PINTEREST |
July 16, 2023
This is a really strong collection of pieces - some essays, some derived from interviews - by disabled parents.
It benefits from being geographically wide ranging (insofar as Australia, UK, Canada and US can be considered wide ranging, with one piece including South Sudan and Egypt) There is a strong theme of intersectionality too although I wasn't sure that was, overall, securely a benefit, especially with the way the different stories are arranged within the book. There's much less about race than sexuality ... and the paucity of references to the financial treatment and impact of disability made me uncomfortable.
There was a wide range of disability covered - from birth, acquired... mostly acquired before becoming a parent but not all... disabled parents with disabled children, both parents disabled.... sensory, chronic illness, intellectual, skeletal, spinal cord injuries, autism... you name it... unless it was mental ill health, which is absent. I particularly liked the pieces where one or both parents had intellectual disabilities as these seemed more in depth than is so often the case, and the wry spotlighting on the different ways in which women and men caring for children are viewed was valuable.
Unsurprisingly, it is something of a manual of 'things not to say or do' for professionals and the general public and I wasn't surprised that most were overtly of the view that the social model of disability was the most relevant (although I wasn't always sure that was so well borne out by the challenges they chose to highlight... and it seems to be forgotten when it comes to the act of giving birth in almost all cases) Some may verge on toxic positivity, some very definitely not (but there's little 'whining'), some whose sense of identity as a disabled person was still evolving or fluid. Some still had only small children, others had raised children to adulthood.... and some had lost children (because some people have rotten luck, rather than because they are disabled) It's very clear from the hurt caused to so very many, regardless of their philosophical position, that the issue of decision making around having children, pre-natal and neonatal screening needs to be very much better handled.
On a personal level it was the final inclusion, from Rebekah G Taussig that I found most resonant and which had something important to say about the parallels in disability and parenting.
I noticed that where paid work is mentioned in the bios it is predominantly in the disability field. I don't know if this is more a reflection of where disabled people can find paid work or that the stories have been sourced from a bubble.
A very fine book which deserves a wide readership.
It benefits from being geographically wide ranging (insofar as Australia, UK, Canada and US can be considered wide ranging, with one piece including South Sudan and Egypt) There is a strong theme of intersectionality too although I wasn't sure that was, overall, securely a benefit, especially with the way the different stories are arranged within the book. There's much less about race than sexuality ... and the paucity of references to the financial treatment and impact of disability made me uncomfortable.
There was a wide range of disability covered - from birth, acquired... mostly acquired before becoming a parent but not all... disabled parents with disabled children, both parents disabled.... sensory, chronic illness, intellectual, skeletal, spinal cord injuries, autism... you name it... unless it was mental ill health, which is absent. I particularly liked the pieces where one or both parents had intellectual disabilities as these seemed more in depth than is so often the case, and the wry spotlighting on the different ways in which women and men caring for children are viewed was valuable.
Unsurprisingly, it is something of a manual of 'things not to say or do' for professionals and the general public and I wasn't surprised that most were overtly of the view that the social model of disability was the most relevant (although I wasn't always sure that was so well borne out by the challenges they chose to highlight... and it seems to be forgotten when it comes to the act of giving birth in almost all cases) Some may verge on toxic positivity, some very definitely not (but there's little 'whining'), some whose sense of identity as a disabled person was still evolving or fluid. Some still had only small children, others had raised children to adulthood.... and some had lost children (because some people have rotten luck, rather than because they are disabled) It's very clear from the hurt caused to so very many, regardless of their philosophical position, that the issue of decision making around having children, pre-natal and neonatal screening needs to be very much better handled.
On a personal level it was the final inclusion, from Rebekah G Taussig that I found most resonant and which had something important to say about the parallels in disability and parenting.
I noticed that where paid work is mentioned in the bios it is predominantly in the disability field. I don't know if this is more a reflection of where disabled people can find paid work or that the stories have been sourced from a bubble.
A very fine book which deserves a wide readership.
December 3, 2022
Truly inspirational!!!
How do two parents who are blind take their children to the park? How is a mother with dwarfism treated when she walks her child down the street? How do Deaf parents know when their baby cries in the night?
When writer and musician Eliza Hull was pregnant with her first child, like most parents-to-be she was a mix of excited and nervous. But as a person with a disability, there were added complexities. She wondered: Will the pregnancy be too hard? Will people judge me? Will I cope with the demands of parenting? More than 15 per cent of Australian households have a parent with a disability, yet their stories are rarely shared, their experiences almost never reflected in parenting literature.
In We’ve Got This, twenty-five parents who identify as Deaf, disabled or chronically ill discuss the highs and lows of their parenting journeys and reveal that the greatest obstacles lie in other people’s attitudes. The result is a moving, revelatory and empowering anthology. As Rebekah Taussig writes, ‘Parenthood can tangle with grief and loss. Disability can include joy and abundance. And goddammit – disabled parents exist.’
Contributors include Jacinta Parsons, Kristy Forbes, Graeme Innes, Jessica Smith, Jax Jacki Brown, Nicole Lee, Elly May Barnes, Neangok Chair, Renay Barker-Mulholland, Micheline Lee and Shakira Hussein.
How do two parents who are blind take their children to the park? How is a mother with dwarfism treated when she walks her child down the street? How do Deaf parents know when their baby cries in the night?
When writer and musician Eliza Hull was pregnant with her first child, like most parents-to-be she was a mix of excited and nervous. But as a person with a disability, there were added complexities. She wondered: Will the pregnancy be too hard? Will people judge me? Will I cope with the demands of parenting? More than 15 per cent of Australian households have a parent with a disability, yet their stories are rarely shared, their experiences almost never reflected in parenting literature.
In We’ve Got This, twenty-five parents who identify as Deaf, disabled or chronically ill discuss the highs and lows of their parenting journeys and reveal that the greatest obstacles lie in other people’s attitudes. The result is a moving, revelatory and empowering anthology. As Rebekah Taussig writes, ‘Parenthood can tangle with grief and loss. Disability can include joy and abundance. And goddammit – disabled parents exist.’
Contributors include Jacinta Parsons, Kristy Forbes, Graeme Innes, Jessica Smith, Jax Jacki Brown, Nicole Lee, Elly May Barnes, Neangok Chair, Renay Barker-Mulholland, Micheline Lee and Shakira Hussein.
October 31, 2022
Wow, this was one of the most moving and life-affirming books I've ever read. About a month ago, I read and enjoyed Growing Up Disabled in Australia and this serves as an excellent companion read, though with a narrower lens of how disability affects parenthood. I'm not a parent nor do I want to be, but I do work with young children and so I was able to engage with the many stories here in a way I hadn't expected to. There are several common themes that emerge: the difference between the medical model and social models of disability, internalised ableism, being made to feel "less than" able-bodied people, the outrageous and inappropriate behaviour of people towards disabled people, the empathetic nature of children raised by disabled parents, the power of love to transcend all challenges. Every single story was moving, if not outright tear-jerking (especially Micheline Lee's story told in second person), and I couldn't put the book down.
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