When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror

by Carol Leifer

Stand-up comic and comedy writer Carol Leifer faced a critical dilemma and had only two options: either continue sharing her greatest childhood memory (seeing the Beatles at Shea Stadium in 1966) or lie about her age. But the choice soon became clear: “I see now that when you deny your age, you deny yourself, and when you lie about your age, you become your inauthentic twin. But most important, when you lie about your age, they win. (And of course by ‘they,’ I mean the terrorists).” Now, in this uproarious book, Leifer reveals all—her age, her outlook, her life philosophy—no holds barred.

• On technology: “I am overwhelmed by anything that involves a cord.”
• On motherhood: “Never put your baby’s length on a birth announcement. It’s a baby, not a marlin.”
• On collagen injections: “Your lips are not meant to be flotation devices for your face in case it capsizes.”
• On tattoos: “If you plan on having your lover’s name tattooed on your arm, always leave room before it for a possible ‘I Hate’ down the road.”
• On etiquette: “Never refer to a woman as ‘ma’am,’ even if she’s ninety years old. Nobody likes it.”

After years of stand-up and a wave of successful television shows, Carol Leifer finally (and hilariously) puts it all down on paper–the wise thoughts, witty stories, and wonderfully way-out observations guaranteed to have you nodding in agreement and laughing out loud in sheer delight.

Genres: Humor, Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Comedy, Essays, Biography Memoir

208 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Carol Leifer is an American comedian, writer, producer and actor whose career as a stand-up comedian started in the 1970s when she was in college.

David Letterman discovered her performing in a comedy club in the 1980s and she has since been a guest on Late Night With David Letterman over twenty-five times as well as numerous other shows and venues.

She has written many television scripts including for The Larry Sanders Show, Saturday Night Live, and most notably, Seinfeld.

Leifer's "inner monologue" observational style is often autobiographical encompassing subjects about her Jewish ancestry and upbringing, coming out, same-sex marriage, relationships (having been married previously to a man and now partnered with a woman) and parenting.

Leifer recently became vegan, saying "I recently became vegan because I felt that as a Jewish lesbian, I wasn’t part of a small enough minority. So now I’m a Jewish lesbian vegan."

Reviews

[Cindy Prevost · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book after reading "When You are Engulfed in Flames" by David Sedaris. Leifer gives the lesbian view of life. She is not as irreverant as Sedaris, but she is funny. I loved her take on bumper stickers.

[Candice Kamencik · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was a hot mess of "boomerisms," weird narcissism, and comedic tropes of Jews (but it's totally a-ok, because the author is a Jew, so she's just verifying stereotypes to be funny!). Her whole liberal, LGBT+, feminist self-proclamations were really at odds with her views on life and what she said. Some SEVERE cogitative dissonance going on here. Between the (repeated) haranguing of cosmetic surgery, the continuous "casual" mentions of the places she's been on vacation that have zero bearing on what she's trying to say, and the "but really, look how I've grown!" undertones blatant self-congratulatory proclamations...all I could think was, "Wow, if you're at this point after you've 'grown' so much, and you're still this officious and condescending, I feel sorry for everyone around you." But really, she's a nice person! She promises! She even will take the "trannies" with her in her march for feminism, despite the fact that she explains her generation has done all the heavy lifting, and women now all just yell and shop, and don't care about anything but themselves and Starbucks it seems. I rolled my eyes so hard I saw my brain reading that section...right before I went to check the publishing date, just to be sure this wasn't written 30 or 40 years ago (it was published in 2009).

Overall - super dry, not really funny, more of a loose collection of mini-memoirs than comedy, and I'm still on the fence if this is just an unfortunate "product of her time" situation, or what. It's like this person wanted to be Erma Bombeck when they grew up, but with their absolute dearth of meta-cognition, she missed the mark by several light years. Painful.

[Marcy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written comical essays written by a woman whom I met at a resort in New Zealand and then later discovered to be a fine stand-up comedienne. I remember laughing lots at the dinner table we shared in Rota Rua and was not at all disappointed by the book. The fact that she focused many pages on the aging process and all that implies made me identify even more with her writing.

[Timothy Carlson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is pretty alright. It’s fascinating to see things from such a different perspective from my own, and although I certainly don’t agree with all of it, it’s still good to see the world through the lens of someone who’s lived so much of it. It’s a somewhat short read, so it’s a good way to fill an afternoon.

[Judith · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a short delightful, funny book by a stand up comedienne. In addition to laughing out loud at her humor, I enjoyed her story which was all about change. At the age of 40+ she went from being a heterosexual to a committed lesbian relationship. From a person who could barely tolerate animals, she became a person who eventually adopted 7 dogs and (of course) absolutely adores them. Her love for her dogs started her on the path to becoming a veagan. Then she and her partner adopted a 10 month old baby boy and became interested in restoring their religious faith, so took lessons in Judaism, had the baby circumcised, and did the whole adult bat mitzvah thing. I find it remarkable and inspirational when people can reinvent themselves mid-life. So I loved the humor and the story behind it.

My only complaint, and it's really just a quibble, is that she makes the same mistake a lot of humorist do. Which is to say, instead of provoking laughter, at the end of the book (the last 1/4) it seemed like she was trying to teach me some lessons about life based on her invaluable insight. Sort of like a "chicken soup for the soul" by the three stooges.

[Kathy McC · Rating 3 out of 5]

Recommended in the AARP Magazine.
Light-hearted essays. I didn't find the writing as humorous as advertised, but it was an enjoyable read. Plus, the author lives with seven dogs from various dog rescue organizations.

"But I don't want to erase the pictures while they're still in the camera. I want to get the pictures back from the weird lady at the photo place, look through them, and then toss the ones I don't want into my garbage can."
"I learned what all animal people know.There is a pureness and goodness in their souls. And what about the fierce and absolute unconditional love. Your mere presence walking in the door lighting up their life so instantly, with that metronome of a tail wag?"

[Tami · Rating 5 out of 5]

When You Lie about Your Age, the Terrorists Win is absolutely hilarious. In this book, comedian Carol Leifer, talks openly about her life. Like us all, life has thrown her a few curve balls. For instance she found her life partner by having a lesbian fling, she decided to become a parent in her late forties, and realized that she was an animal person (subsequently rescuing quite a pack of pets).

Life is full of surprises. At the time, some may seem tragic or utterly confusing. Yet, Carol shows that everything has a humorous side. We can cry or we can choose to laugh.

I highly recommend When You Lie about Your Age, the Terrorists Win. This book will make you laugh. Like me, you’ll leave this book feeling just a bit better about life and the inevitability of getting older.

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fabulous airplane read, even though the plane landed three hours late. Lots of funny quips, and many serious observations about life, death, and love. A few of the chapters seemed disjointed from the rest or disappointed me by not having much substance (for instance, the piece dedicated to menstruation).

[Klongo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was disappointed when I expected this to be a laff riot because it's Carol Leifer. When I accepted that it's a pretty straight-forward memoir, I liked it more. It's basically a love letter to her parents and family, with some sane observations about aging, and about coming out and becoming an observant Jew after 40.

[Lauri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Note that this book is not all fun and games, because it isn't. No, When You Lie About Your Age the Terrorists Win is also a lot about growing up, figuring out who you are, and being happy with it. Carols thoughts, insights and and honesty are not only fun & funny to read; but also touching and often heart warming.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was good. Not as funny as I was hoping but it may have been that the last few chapters dealt with death and grief. Hard to walk away laughing when you are still crying about her fathers brown shoes.

[Curly · Rating 1 out of 5]

I suppose this book was meant to be funny, but i really hated her sense of humor. To me her jokes were a bit on the tired side and I feel like I gained nothing from her reflections. Not even a laugh.

[Needer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this on my Kindle and enjoyed it. It was a quick and fun read.

[Mike McAdam · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this well enough. Some of the jokes were funny. Some not so much. i listened to the audiobook and Carol Leifer has the exact same delivery as David Sedaris (his material is stronger). I had high hopes as I was an extra on an episode of Carol's very short lived sit com (I forget the name) and it was so funny I had to stifle laughter to not ruin takes. I was hoping this would be as funny. It wasn't but I still enjoyed it!

[Sara Goldenberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny and cute and really enjoyed it! So far I've loved all her books!

[Jillian · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first saw this book when I was about 24 years old, and thought it sounded interesting but didn't buy it. Now, months away from my 30th birthday, I have to say I'm glad I didn't read it back then. I enjoyed Carol Leifer's wisdom and humor and getting a peak into life at 50 and that while I'm consequently freaking out about turning 30, my life will not end there. She opens up her book with an essay about her father, and each essay is typically a few pages long. For the most part, they flow nicely, although there are a few I would consider "out of order" since they include "new" information already divulged, but I enjoyed this book much more than I thought I would, and it gives me hope that even though I'm getting older, I still have the best years of my life to look forward to.

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably more relevant for my mom's generation, but an entertaining read all the same.

The only thing that bugged me was that she took a chapter to (somewhat jokingly) scold younger women for not getting more involved in women's issues (I wonder if she would still say that post-Sandra Fluke) yet in various places throughout the book she was rather outspoken about her own lack of interest other important issues. And some of her language wasn't particularly pro-women (or pro-change-our-expectations-of-all-humans-to make-things-better). I get that she's human like the rest of us, but it bothered me because she went out of her way to write that particular chapter.

Take that chapter away, and it's a completely entertaining book from a 50+ year old perspective.

[Anna · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am clearly not the target audience (fifty-something, Jewish, liberal gay feminist--none of which describe me at all) for this book--I really didn't enjoy her humor at all. I probably should have realized that it wouldn't be my style based on who was quoted on the back cover, but it didn't occur to me until later that I wasn't particularly familiar with those people's humor, either; they were simply names that were familiar to me. I believe if I enjoyed those comedians more, I would have enjoyed this book. That said, I no longer feel the need to explore their humor (writing or stand-up routines) either.

[Sjcapanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted this book to be hilarious, because the author was a head writer for Seinfeld, and, according to IMDB, the Elaine character was based on her. But it just wasn't all that funny, and in some parts it was serious. Which, it's not like serious is a bad thing, but this comedian has no business spouting her theories about the meaning of life. I think this book would have been more appealing if I were in my 50s, which seems to be the demographic at which it is aimed. But I finished it within 48 hours, so it must have had something going for it.

[JR · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've always enjoyed Leifer's stand up comedy as well as her writing for sitcoms like Seinfeld, so maybe I had higher expectations for this book than I should have. I think I am finding that few books by comedians live up to my expectations for laugh out loud humor. To sum up...I liked the book, but did not love it. There were some truly touching and thoughtful stories, and some with mild humor. But uproarious it was not.

[Cara Keith · Rating 1 out of 5]

Really not very funny.

I bought this book for the title. Clever title! Love it! But the book... Not so funny. I tried and got a third of the way through and that's all I could take.

[Sara Jane · Rating 1 out of 5]

Local girl makes good.

[Belinda · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was not for me. I didn't think it was well written, entertaining, or funny. Quit reading on the 3rd chapter. I had had enough. That's just my personal opinion.

[Mary K · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some laugh out loud sections, but even when the author wasn't that funny, the stories and writing were excellent.

[Merry · Rating 4 out of 5]

A comedienne with heart. Fun and funny.

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had heard Carol's interview on a replay of Howard Stern from 2009. She wrote this book in her late forties/early fifties. I am now 47 and I really connected with a lot of what she talked about. Losing my dad, helping support my mom, perimenopause, realizing how feminism isn't just about us, it's about ALL women. She could have wrote this book in 2026 and a lot of the lessons about the world still apply. It inspired me in a lot of ways and made me sad that we as women haven't progressed as much as she had hoped we would have when she wrote it. The chapters about feminism really hit my heart. We have a long way to go. I loved being able to look her up in 2026 and see how her life progressed with her wife and adopted son.

[Cindyann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Audio
A few funny parts, a lot of misses. And then, of course, the politics. When I read a book by a comedian (even if I have NO clue who they are and only picked the book by..ahem..the title) I really don't care much about their political views and this has been a problem with the last few books in this category. I don't even care if I agree with you 100%, I don't want to read about it. IF I were to EVER pick up a book on politics (no chance of that happening), I wouldn't want the author to toss in a few funny chapters to prove they can be funny. Same with comedians. You don't need to prove to me you're political. Keep it to yourself. (Ugh..the mood today!)

[Moureen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book so boringggg but I rated it 3 stars because it really gives a lesson and an idea on what happens when you lie at about age but it is a bit boring but I would recommend people/students to read it because if gives u reasons on what happens when u lie abt your age.

So I would recommend you to read this book!!!!

[Sharon Falduto]

A comedienne and writer, associated with luminaries like Ellen deGeneres and Garry Shandling, ruminates on middle age, losing her father, becoming a lesbian, and other topics with humor and poignancy. Some of the jokes sound familiar, but then, I wonder if that's because she's a writer for all these comedians and she is recycling her own jokes.

[Joanne Sitarz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED LOVED LOVED this book! The author writes a series of short essays on aging and at age 69 myself, I laughed along side her throughout its entirety. I especially enjoyed her take on going to her class reunion. Pick up a copy. Oh, just one thing Carol, I really hope that you do find Jesus. You can still be Jewish 😁.