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The Alienated Assassin
In the sleepy Yorkshire town of Fetherton, love-lorn Colin Crimp yearns in vain for his boss’s secretary, the libidinous Karen, who herself yearns for everyone but Colin. His life hits rock bottom when his sex-crazed boss, Henry Plank, moves in with him, thrown out by his puritanical wife, Norah, who, in a ridiculous act of revenge, unsuitably sets herself up as the town’s dominatrix.
Still, things can’t get any worse. Or can they?
When Lambert Ticke, a man on a mission, arrives in Fetherton, mistakenly convinced that Colin is planning to assassinate the Prime Minister of Great Britain, Northern Ireland and All Her Colonies Beyond the Sea, all hell breaks loose. And, when the American secret service, in the shape of a clinically deranged agent, Chuck Grogan, and a world-weary policeman, Bernard Lunt – who likes to kick first and ask questions later – become involved, the lives of both Colin Crimp and Lambert Ticke quickly spiral out of control.
As their worlds collide, the pair tumble towards the most explosive, manic, and hilarious conclusion you will have read in a long time.
If you enjoy Tom Sharpe, Giles Curtis and Steven Morris, then you’ll love The Alienated Assassin!
Still, things can’t get any worse. Or can they?
When Lambert Ticke, a man on a mission, arrives in Fetherton, mistakenly convinced that Colin is planning to assassinate the Prime Minister of Great Britain, Northern Ireland and All Her Colonies Beyond the Sea, all hell breaks loose. And, when the American secret service, in the shape of a clinically deranged agent, Chuck Grogan, and a world-weary policeman, Bernard Lunt – who likes to kick first and ask questions later – become involved, the lives of both Colin Crimp and Lambert Ticke quickly spiral out of control.
As their worlds collide, the pair tumble towards the most explosive, manic, and hilarious conclusion you will have read in a long time.
If you enjoy Tom Sharpe, Giles Curtis and Steven Morris, then you’ll love The Alienated Assassin!
359 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 12, 2022
86 people are currently reading
2 people want to read
About the author
James A. Ward
7 books2 followersJames A. Ward is a comedy and crime writer. He writes in different styles – and under different pen-names: James Ward, James A Ward and Bernard Fling.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
May 3, 2023
It was suggested that this was ‘a good romp in the style of Tom Sharpe’. And it is.
Seems a little unfair to set potential readers off from that rather elevated position, a tall order, so to speak. However, it manages it rather well and whilst it doesn’t manage to punch quite as hard as The Throwback for example, it certainly comes close.
If you’ve exhausted Mr Sharpe’s catalog and are looking for something similar, you could do a whole lot worse than this. Very enjoyable.
Seems a little unfair to set potential readers off from that rather elevated position, a tall order, so to speak. However, it manages it rather well and whilst it doesn’t manage to punch quite as hard as The Throwback for example, it certainly comes close.
If you’ve exhausted Mr Sharpe’s catalog and are looking for something similar, you could do a whole lot worse than this. Very enjoyable.
December 5, 2025
Perhaps a 3 1/2 stars would be more appropriate.
I felt I should have enjoyed this book more than I did. With an extensive list of mad and bad characters who create havoc around a hapless, harmless, incompetent book editor, every page contains a description of a violent action, many of them unintended.
My main gripe with the book is its extensive use of crude language which, one might argue, could be appropriate for the over-excited mentally-challenged professionals from both sides of the Pond brought together here.
In some places, I felt the author was just trying too hard to be funny. That said, his description of a burger that has barely a passing acquaintance with a cow while drawing hugely on chemicals is a masterpiece.
I felt I should have enjoyed this book more than I did. With an extensive list of mad and bad characters who create havoc around a hapless, harmless, incompetent book editor, every page contains a description of a violent action, many of them unintended.
My main gripe with the book is its extensive use of crude language which, one might argue, could be appropriate for the over-excited mentally-challenged professionals from both sides of the Pond brought together here.
In some places, I felt the author was just trying too hard to be funny. That said, his description of a burger that has barely a passing acquaintance with a cow while drawing hugely on chemicals is a masterpiece.
July 22, 2023
The Secret Policeman Drops Another One
Frequently laugh out loud, old school, anti-establishment farce. Accurately skewers West Midlands c1970s style policing, the secret services of the UK and USA and the class system amongst others. Very funny read for those brought up on the satirical comedy of Peter Cook and Monty Python.
Frequently laugh out loud, old school, anti-establishment farce. Accurately skewers West Midlands c1970s style policing, the secret services of the UK and USA and the class system amongst others. Very funny read for those brought up on the satirical comedy of Peter Cook and Monty Python.
September 9, 2023
A really enjoyable read. This was a great story but I felt the end - the last few pages really - was rushed. It seemed to finish abruptly and just give you brief updates as to what happened to each character at the end of the story.
That said, I'll be reading more of James' books especially those written in this style.
That said, I'll be reading more of James' books especially those written in this style.
August 24, 2024
A very funny book, containing some very weird, and wonderful, characters. I laughed out loud from start to finish at the antics of the main characters, who, if assembled in one room, would make it appear Bedlam had relocated to Butlins. I thoroughly enjoyed it and can't wait to start the next book by James, in the hope that it continues in a similar rich vein of comedic writing.
September 6, 2025
As sharp as Sharpe!
A riotous and furiously paced tale,which more than once had me checking the author,just to be sure that this wasn't a Tom Sharpe story. Incidentally,I mean that as a huge compliment to the author.
This is a most enjoyable and amusing book, with more twists and turns than a Northumbria road map.
Just enjoy it
A riotous and furiously paced tale,which more than once had me checking the author,just to be sure that this wasn't a Tom Sharpe story. Incidentally,I mean that as a huge compliment to the author.
This is a most enjoyable and amusing book, with more twists and turns than a Northumbria road map.
Just enjoy it
November 24, 2025
Tom Sharpe arises from the grave.
Many laugh out loud moments. I never thought anyone would get even close to the master of chaotic comedy of Tom Sharpe, but this, most certainly comes as a very pleasant surprise.
Thank you for making me chortle away through this delightful Wilt like experience. Well done and thank you xxxxx
Many laugh out loud moments. I never thought anyone would get even close to the master of chaotic comedy of Tom Sharpe, but this, most certainly comes as a very pleasant surprise.
Thank you for making me chortle away through this delightful Wilt like experience. Well done and thank you xxxxx
July 4, 2023
Sharpe as ever.
No greater praise than to be associated with this genre.
Farce is not easy to get right but here as we speed towards climax end it gets funnier and funnier.
If you like a story of a mad world, that isn't the real one, read this tale of modern mayhem.
Hilarious.
No greater praise than to be associated with this genre.
Farce is not easy to get right but here as we speed towards climax end it gets funnier and funnier.
If you like a story of a mad world, that isn't the real one, read this tale of modern mayhem.
Hilarious.
September 8, 2023
Very funny and Tom Sharpe like.
Some books state it few achieve it but I honestly laughed publicicly. Great characters how they intertwined even better. Chaos and farce abound. looking cowardly more from this author.
Some books state it few achieve it but I honestly laughed publicicly. Great characters how they intertwined even better. Chaos and farce abound. looking cowardly more from this author.
January 5, 2024
Laugh out loud.
A laugh from start to finish. The story unwound tying the main characters together without them being aware until the latter part of the book.
Had me laughing out loud for most of it.
A must read.
A laugh from start to finish. The story unwound tying the main characters together without them being aware until the latter part of the book.
Had me laughing out loud for most of it.
A must read.
October 28, 2023
Brilliant
Funny all the way through. Hard to put it down. More of the same please! Well written edge of the seat yarn. Excellent
Funny all the way through. Hard to put it down. More of the same please! Well written edge of the seat yarn. Excellent
January 4, 2024
I laughed out loud
Definitely the funniest book I’ve read this year
Great characters & total chaos. So British in the style of Tom Sharp & Carry On films. Thoroughly enjoyed it!!
Definitely the funniest book I’ve read this year
Great characters & total chaos. So British in the style of Tom Sharp & Carry On films. Thoroughly enjoyed it!!
May 11, 2024
Absolutely nuts
The maddest book I've ever read ! But thoroughly enjoyed it.
The only challenge is keep abreast of all the characters.
The maddest book I've ever read ! But thoroughly enjoyed it.
The only challenge is keep abreast of all the characters.
January 10, 2025
Hilarious caper
A great read particularly for those who like a mad cap caper. It's fast paced with several characters so you need to be able to keep up with who's who.
A great read particularly for those who like a mad cap caper. It's fast paced with several characters so you need to be able to keep up with who's who.
May 18, 2025
Laugh out loud book
I was laughing out loud at this on a plane and not ashamed to do so, great read, read it
I was laughing out loud at this on a plane and not ashamed to do so, great read, read it
May 16, 2024
Great read
A great little story, I absolutely loved all of the characters. It's definitely recommended reading. James Ward at his very best.
A great little story, I absolutely loved all of the characters. It's definitely recommended reading. James Ward at his very best.
May 23, 2025
I am great fan of Tom Sharpe (30.03.1928 – 06.06.2013) and I’ve always felt that we could have had more books by him or at least in his racy yet erudite style. Ward seems to fill the gap, though he is a bit coarser. That said, it’s a great read with laugh-out-loud moments around every corner.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews