Everybody Just Breathe: A COVID Nurse Memoir of Stamina and Swear Words

by Amanda V. Peterson

A harrowing, generous, and often irreverent memoir chronicling the longest shift of one nurse’s life.

Amanda Peterson is an ICU nurse, graduate student, and mother of two. She’s also one of America’s frontline workers in the fight against COVID-19.

For nearly a year, Amanda worked in COVID ICU. Every patient every day was admitted with the same diagnosis.

The beds filled up, but the mainstays of hospital life—frantic call lights, trays of half-eaten meals, and questions from worried families—disappeared as patient after patient began their own agonizing fight for breath.

This startling debut reads like dispatches from the front. It is a testament to patients and a love letter of camaraderie to fellow COVID nurses. It is also an uproarious depiction of motherhood locked down. Amanda Peterson is a crucial new voice with a timely plea to a nation fatigued by pandemic: Everybody Just Breathe.

About the author . . . Amanda Vancene Peterson has always wanted to be a nurse. “It’s in my blood,” she jokes, referencing her status as a third-generation healthcare worker. Amanda’s career spans over fifteen years, thirteen of which have been spent in a Minnesota ICU. When Amanda is not caring for patients, she enjoys singing, reading, disappearing into nature, and cooking healthy food her children hate. She lives in Hudson, Wisconsin, with her husband, two kids, and two English bulldogs, Smokey and Pickles.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

253 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 28, 2022

Reviews

[Kade · Rating 5 out of 5]

An honest and emotional look at the first year of the pandemic from a nurse who saw some of the worst of it

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this is just the absolute worst history lesson, but one that is absolutely necessary and poignant. Amanda is hilarious and has a true gift for executing a well-placed F-bomb. She also is smart and driven and has one of the biggest, most caring hearts out there. Qualifying her as a “good” nurse doesn’t feel adequate enough.

[Leslie Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing…I cried and laughed! I appreciated her honesty and willingness to share her experience. I also loved the stories of her times at home with her kids too! Mom life is hard and especially hard when you go from “normal” to not so normal in a day! Thank you for all that you and your fellow healthcare workers do! Truly amazing!

[NurseKelsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very relatable other than all of the religion & references to finding comfort in God. The story is true & real & speaks eloquently to the experience of front line COVID ICU nurses. Her experience at work matched a lot of mine. It was hard to read the ending where she had hope it was all over…in March 2021. 😔

[Erinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A+++! If I could give this book 10 stars, I would. I feel like I could have written about 75% of this book myself. Chosen as a bookclub book (we are all ICU nurses who have worked through the pandemic), I didn’t realize how much I needed to read this. It’s like I’ve been holding my breath for 4 years & have just let it out. Thank you, Amanda for writing down what so many of us lived through. Excellent read!

[Carly · Rating 5 out of 5]

A peek behind the curtain. I think many of us knew it was bad, but chose not to really think about just how bad. Thank you Amanda for telling Jack's story. Thank you to everyone that was, and is, on the front line. On more than one occasion I sobbed, because Jack could be anyone. I hope this shift ends soon...

[Ashley Wessing · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and her honesty of what it was like to be a nurse and mom during the first year of the pandemic. I laughed, I had tears and I appreciated every well placed f bomb. I loved the mix of stories from work, home, and the progress notes that were included.

[Rachel Sulava · Rating 4 out of 5]

This literally took all my thoughts from ICU nursing in 2020 and put it into a book! All the feelings she had, I did too!

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a healthcare worker, I cannot thank her enough for writing this book. May we never forget.

[Cecily A. Lawson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant

I highly recommend that everyone read this book to get a glimpse into the last 2 years of life in the nursing field. I appreciate the inclusion of family and personal life with work life. It accurately shows how frightened we were about bringing COVID-19 home. This book reminds us how our dedicated nurses have struggled while maintaining patient privacy.

[Melissa Mclaren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a fantastic book!

[Alexandra Shroyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who worked in ICU during Covid, this book put into writing everything that I was thinking. I really appreciated it.
My reason for giving it 4 stars, is I wish it went into the winter of 2021 when COVID hit hospitals hard, and we were running out of body bags and dialysis fluids and a lot of other medications to keep people alive, after vaccines came out. When it became increasingly harder to help people when they weren’t helping themselves.
Overall, great book. Thanks for putting it into words for all of us who went through it.

[Mike Sanders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wish I knew then

It’s so nice to get a first hand perspective. I got caught up in the political B.S. that covid was just a noise. This book is not only great for getting a behind the scenes perspective, but has added humor also.
‘

[Kourtney Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, unreasonably angry with this book. Did we even nurse the same pandemic?

[Ann J · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow - just wow!! A must read, although heartbreaking at times.

[Madi Gallegos · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a must read for anyone who experienced Covid but was not close with a healthcare worker. She makes you uncomfortable and mad. She tells her story with no bullshit. Her “opinions” on how the disease spread were spot on because she should have been listened to in 2020, instead of her book being read in 2023.

[Allison Sirovy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read it. Now.

[Mika Brannan · Rating 4 out of 5]

a lot of wasted space with the side comments about her kids. But overall, loved the headlines that were presented so you could tell where they were at with the pandemic, only wish that it could have conitinued with the new waves being presented. The ending made it seem that we were findling out of the pandemic when more waves and cases were arising right before the book was published.
"Your freedoms don't matter, when you put other people's lives at risk!"

[MP · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this local nurse's account of being an ICU nurse during the first year of the pandemic. She interwove being a mom, her anger as she drove home from a shift and saw the bars filled in Hudson, as well as events in the Twin Cities like the killing of George Floyd.

[Jenna Dougherty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely incredible! Read it all in one sitting in one afternoon. So compelling, so gritty, so beautiful. Everyone needs to read this!!!

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

Harrowing and Hopeful

If I could give this book 10 stars, I would because I absolutely couldn't stop reading even though I knew this wasn't going to be one of those stories with a neatly wrapped conclusion where every problem is solved and leads to living "happily ever after." Covid isn't like that. And who knows that better than a front line nurse? I can think of only one possibility and that is, the patient in the I.C.U. bed. I was such a patient -- but not of the author or her place of employment.
I love this book! I love the honesty because covid doesn't care anything about pretense or appearances. I love that the author honored the ethics of her profession by keeping patient confidentiality as a top priority although part of me wishes she didn't have to because covid is lonely and isolating enough! In following HIPPAA guidelines, the author simply referred to patients as "Jack", a sort of composite picture of her patients both male and female, young and old.
The author also shared her own reactions to working under such stress -- fear for her children, husband, isolation, preventive routine, her frustration at those on the outside who refused to stay home, to mask, to follow recommendations on social distancing, sanitizing etc. Understandable given that the author and others like her VOLUNTEERED in many cases, to work with the sickest patients fighting for breath and life in the covid I.C.U!
I know part of me is drawn to this book and loved it because I lived some of it. I have several pre-existing health conditions including diabetes, hypertension, untreated sleep apnea, etc. I caught covid just after Christmas of 2021, went and got tested (pcp's recommendation) on Dec 31st 2021, got a positive result January 3rd 2022 which was the day I first ended up in bed most of the time. I had fever, chills, sweats, scratchy throat and cough. Initially I remember thinking " this isn't going to be too bad" -- only because covid sneaks up on you. It can take a while to really do its damage! I'd had dose one of my initial 2 dose vaccine at that time. End result of covid for me was hospital by ambulance, my oxygen level was 74. Ironically though, I wasn't able to muster the energy initially to be concerned. I was quite content and just wanted to sleep! When ambulance arrived they had to help me hold myself upright and they carried me downstairs in a special chair. My stairs are steep and I am overweight. I was in i.cu on high flow oxygen. They said I had pneumonia, acute respiratory failure brought on by covid and acute kidney injury brought on by covid. I think I almost died.
So thank you, Amanda Peterson, and all healthcare workers for all the hands you held, medications and oxygen given, huge RISKS you took, patients you comforted and for just SHOWING UP day after day! As you stated, no visitors were allowed, understandably so. In "my" hospital, the nurses were swamped as well. I only remember a cna who took some time and stayed with me a little while. I thanked her and she said it wasn't a big deal, she was "glad to do it" -- and I hadn't even asked. But it was a very big deal --to me! I was scared and though I was too tired to talk much and couldn't breathe well, her presence helped. Just like this book. Thanks Amanda Peterson!

[Angel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started this book when I first ordered it, but at the time I was struggling with a lot of overwhelming life stressors, that I just couldn’t add a true life account of another nightmare that we as nurses and healthcare workers have just endured and are still enduring to some extent. So I shelved it until I was mentally able to deal with this book. And it didn’t disappoint. The author happens to be an ICU nurse that works at the same hospital I work at. She and I have never met, and though my specialty isn’t ICU, I did work the “regular” Covid unit(s) and cared for many patients that started on the regular unit only to have to transfer to the Covid ICU when they didn’t get better. I can attest to the utter feeling of helplessness at watching a person turning blue just going from their bed to the bathroom with oxygen on and blood oxygen plummeting to 72% in just a few steps. The author touched on many other areas of frustration and turmoil as well (the Civil unrest happening around us in the Twin Cities, the conspiracy theorists that were claiming all sorts of hogwash creating more division and misinformation and even our own elected officials adding to the divide. The book is poignant and has some humor as well (kid 1 and kid 2 thank you for the chuckles). My only criticism would be a technical one and that is the writing was slightly repetitive in some areas, but for a first time author, it is a great book. I would give it 4 1/2 stars if Goodreads gave 1/2 stars. Oh and here we are in December 2022 and Covid is still not gone. It has mutated at least 4 different times, I have had 2 vaccines and a booster and will be getting another booster soon. And although masks are optional in most places, I still wear one. And I can count on 1 hand how many times I have been inside a store in almost 3 years. I’m not sure when the end will come or if it will come, but at least there is hope now and we are learning more each day about this virus so there’s that. Anyway, I digress. Read this book. It’s surreal how things have changed in 3 years and how some things are still the same.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for writing this history. Amanda Peterson RN’s words were kind and gentle. Included some references to faith and religion. I could have written this story and it would have been more harsh. A lot of the passages she wrote were identical to my life. The part she wrote about receiving the vaccine as a nurse, was remarkable. The emotions of gratitude, relief, release of fear, grief, sadness, and hope were identical to mine. I remember the hospital CEO and Director of Nurses touring our unit after the vaccines. I thanked them for saving my life. Because we got our vaccines before most hospitals. We were oncology and Bone Marrow transplant, so our Doctors and then the Nurses were among the first in the Nation. I cried. That whole year we were protecting our patients who had NO immunity. Like being in a fish tank, hoping for no cracks. Anybody , a patient,who got the Covid, pretty much 100% died. Several of my friends died. The biggest blood clots imaginable. Sorry. Some of our staff died, and many of their families also died. Our security guard died. Some of our thirty something staff got Covid, and it wrecked their bodies permanently. They aged thirty years in a month. It would have killed me for sure. I wore a mask, glasses,a shield, a PAPR respirator, and head covering constantly. I read five books on Virology and Microbiology. I retired sooner than I originally planned, in mid 2021, but 44 years of Nursing is enough. That was the most intense year of medical care I could imagine 2020-21. When I retired I was shocked by the release of generalized fear that I carried around always. Fear of the virus, and other infections… because you can get multiples simultaneously, fear of used PPE, and equipment shortages, fear of short staffing, and administrative woes. Amanda needs therapy for PTSD and hopefully got it. Very triggering words in her book. Thank you Amanda. Big Hugs!

[Trish Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

If anyone Questions what the COVID-19 virus did to a human body this is a must read. She describes exactly what happens to a human body once they are hooked up to a ventilator. Never in my imagination did I think a human body could handle so much trauma. Which as we know some made it and some did not. The author does not hold back

She tells the stories of the toll it takes on the families and friends. She describes what the nurses go through coordinating family members and loved ones to say their final goodbyes to someone that is going to die. . Reading this was heartbreaking.

Thank you Amanda for sharing your experience ! Thanks to all the nurses and healthcare workers that dedicated their time energy and passion to save the ones they could. Hold the hands of the ones they could not.

[Mary Rottier · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was emotional, difficult, funny and relatable. It brought me back to floating to that exact COVID ICU as a nursing assistant and donning and doffing PPE a million times to run labs down since we were cut off from the tube system. It brought me back to becoming a nurse and caring for patients on continuous BIPAP watching them slowly deteriorate. But it also helped me see the good, and that we are not alone.

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to remember what it was like when the pandemic started and we didn't have a vaccine, and we didn't know what caused it and we didn't know how to treat it!
Our granddaughter was born in April 2020 and it just was a crazy time.

This author doesn't pull any punches about what it was like to be a nurse during Covid.
Also I suggest reading "Wish You Were Here" by Jodi Piccault. It's fiction but about the pandemic.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amanda brings the reader directly to the frontlines of the COVID battle. Getting to know what happened to the people who made up the stats in the news. It felt at times a bit like being hammered with the same pleas again and again. The trauma that these direct caregivers suffered needed to be known and understood. It is an important story for all of us.

[Allie Van Wyk · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5/5 stars. This author works at my hospital and is now a NP that I work with on occasion as well. This book is a great depiction of the healthcare community during the pandemic and the toll and emotional journey that healthcare workers were put in. I’d recommend for both healthcare and non-healthcare workers!

[Nina Malm · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think so many should read this who need a reminder of how horrific COVID can be as we move into our next season of COVID. People like to minimize it and have already forgetten how terrible it can be. Jack is real. Get your vaccines just like you would have any other vaccine up until this point. I’m sorry COVID became a political gain for some, but don’t let it distract you from the real truth.

[Maria Burnham · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a poignant memoir about the pandemic from the critical perspective of a nurse. So much of the book was well-written, and I found myself remembering bits of the pandemic that I’d already forgotten.
There’s a really beautiful chapter toward the end that I will never forget about the unconditional care that nurses give to patients.