Gross Misconduct: Hitting From Behind

by Sandra Young Kolbuc, Tracy Stark

A Mother’s Love Story

Tragedy Courage Resilience Hope

“One cold winter’s day, my life’s trajectory tragically and unimaginably changed in an instant... forever!”
- Tracy Stark, Mother of Radek and Ryder

Early on a Monday morning in December 2016, Tracy Stark and her husband Brent discover that Tracy’s sons, Ryder, 13, and Radek, 11, are absent from school and are not answering their phones. When Tracy and Brent go to the home of her ex-husband to investigate, they are met by a life-shattering scene. Ryder and Radek have been murdered... by their biological father, who then shot and killed himself.

Surrounded by the love and support of her shocked community and grieving friends and family, Tracy enlists the assistance of trauma therapist Sandra Young Kolbuc to help process her post-traumatic stress responses, her bottomless grief and learn to manage her devastating new reality.

In April of 2019, Tracy asked her therapist for guidance to recount her story and that of her two precious sons to bring awareness for the need to change societal attitudes and systems that she believes failed them all. These radiant boys were full of life and passionately loved not only hockey, but their Mama as well.

Gross Misconduct – Hitting from Behind, chronicles a mother’s journey from utter devastation to finding a measure of peace and purpose, meaning and mastery in the days, months and years following the death of her children.

Genres: Nonfiction

456 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 23, 2022

Reviews

[Marci Laevens]

Not sure I can rate this one. In some ways it’s a 5 and in others a 1. Too many emotions and too close to the story to be properly reflective.

[Rebecca Stonehouse Lupuliak · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Filicide: is the deliberate act of a parent killing their own child.” 💔💔 This book is full tragedy, heartbreak but also hope! A call for change .. better laws, a stronger system that puts the children first!

Every damn day I wonder how those boys would be like today! Every damn day I wonder how my beautiful cousin survives everyday! Every damn day! Tracy Stark you are an angel that walks on earth! I commend your bravery and strength in the ability to put your story out there for the world to know! Ryder and Radek must be so proud of you! They truly have the best mom ever!! ❤️🖤

[Jo-Anne Lambert · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’S a hard read, but a MUST read!

There are no words for this book, but I am going to try and find them.

I will start with this; I am not a Mother, I am not a reader, and the only books that can keep my mind involved and keep my interested are True Crime books.

I started this book 4 months ago. Usually, I’d finish a book within a month for sure. Saying that, I had a really hard time reading this one as it was so raw, heartbreaking, eye opening and devastating.

Our system is broken, truly broken. The system has failed Brent, Tracy, Ryder and Radek big time, including all the other families we’ve never read about. It’s absolutely disgusting.

Every single person should read this book so we can help the Stark family make a change.

There is no reason Ryder and Radek shouldn’t be living today, no reason! Their lives were cut short by the biggest coward ever. Had social services stepped up and did their job, Tracy would still have her boys in her life, walking with them through all of their milestones, not trying to wonder what it would be like as they’re not here anymore.

Tracy, my heart breaks for you and your family. I can’t imagine the courage it took for you to air your whole life to the world, but I am glad you found the strength to do so.

Thank you for opening up and sharing your story.

[Colleen Stitch · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very difficult to get through. I have 2 boys around the same age and i couldn't image losing 1 or both of them. I went through a similar period with my younger son and his father when i left him. My sons have different dads. His father took my son at 3 years old and refused to let me see my son alone. I feared for my son's safety because there were times his father was emotionally unstable. Luckily i received primary care a month later of my son and his father had visitation. Even though its been over 16 years, the scars are still there. I pray no parent or child has to endure this.

[Lorilee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This definitely was a hard read for me since I have connections to the mother. It was well written through the mother’s point of view and her therapist. You step into Tracy’s life before her children are even born to after their death. You get to feel her feelings. The reason for her wanting to write this book. The bravery of telling her story of the tragic loss of her sons. There are many pictures so you never can forget this story is real. This happened and her goal is to stop it from happening again.

[Lesley Prosko · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mother, this was difficult to read at times. I had to put it down and read something else. I cried alot. But that is what makes it real, what makes it something that needs to be read. The lessons in this book are something that every person needs to know, whether it be the therapeutic techniques to help deal with trauma, whatever trauma big or small, or to recognize signs of abuse, especially in broken families. Powerful read.

[Julie Edmundson]

I can’t rate this one. The story and message make it a 5 but I found the last half of the book I was skimming to be done as it’s repetitive so makes me want to say 3, but I can’t put a 3 as you feel for Tracy and what she’s gone through. I live in a nearby town so I’m shocked that this happened so close to home.

[Kyla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly difficult to read but equally difficult to put down and stop reading. It was so raw and emotional.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is a very tragic tale, and it is very humbling to read about the mother's loss, grief, and resilience.