How My Boring Life Was Completely Derailed (And I Was Absolutely Railed) By Two Big, Blue Alien Dudes from Outer Space

by M.L. Eliza

When thirty-six-year-old gas station attendant, Olivia, is brought to throne room of an alien king, it soon becomes apparent that he’s her match from a dating app she’s dreamed of meeting. Despite their attraction, staying with Dace as his queen on planet Bakplan is out of the question, but she agrees to one night together, just to get it out of their systems.

Soon Olivia discovers Dace is a generous king who loves nothing more than pleasure, and he has no objection to sharing her with his bodyguard, Ebbad… And Olivia has never wanted anything more. After all, she only has one night, so she may as well make it count.

One night with two big alien dudes who feel everything she feels.

One night where her pleasure is the only thing in the whole universe that matters.

One night where the king and his bodyguard will do all they can to make her see stars.

“How My Boring Life Was Completely Derailed (And I Was Absolutely Railed) by Two Big Alien Dudes from Outer Space” is a MMF novella with a plus-sized heroine, two plus-sized heroes, and a lot of robotic tentacles.

Genres: Romance, Novella, M M F, Science Fiction, Erotica, LGBT, Aliens

75 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 27, 2022

Reviews

[b.andherbooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

A delightfully filthy space sex fest complete with a golden space chaise, a robotic tentacle sex sling, and big, blue, fat aliens. Everyone's happy and everyone f*cks. What more can you ask for?

The sort of fish out of water element in how the king used a dating app to begin woo-ing the heroine was hilarious.

Great fun, cannot go wrong.

*the author and I are friends; reviewed from a copy I checked out via my personal KU subscription

[•Mrs Pizza• · Rating 3 out of 5]

you'll never guess what happened in this book...oh wait, basically the title. Yeah thats all that happened. Plus sized blue alien smut

[Andrea ☾ [is inconsistently consistant] · Rating 4 out of 5]

4⭐️ Alien Tentacle Smut is actually a great time lol.

Did I read this solely because of the title? Yes, yes I did. But I stayed for the hilariously smutty plot and because MMF stories are the absolute best.

I liked the HFN ending, but I am a HEA girly and I wished we could've had a more concrete plan of what that might look like for these three. Still, Olivia sounds like she's enjoying her life to the fullest (pun most definitely intended), so I guess there's not really anything wrong with the ending here.

🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️/5

[mari (givemaribooks) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a funny spicy read. It made me laugh a bunch of times, especially the little digs at human men, like when Dace thought clits were hard to find based on his research on earth.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok, I totally read this because the title was so crazy, but it actually ended up being pretty hot. And I really enjoyed the humor. Totally recommend for a short, spicy read.

[Christi (christireadsalot) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well this was a fun MMF alien romance! Olivia is a human heroine who wakes up on another planet. Wondering if her boss at the gas station back on earth is wondering where she is, she runs into Dace, the alien king hero! Dace and Olivia actually met online but she didn’t realize she was chatting with him on the dating app. The dating app was created by his scientists to allow him to communicate with humans and he brought Olivia to his planet to meet. He wants her to stay on his planet with him and be his queen, she is a little more hesitant to stay and leave her life on earth behind but decides to share one night together first! Ebbad has served as Dace’s bodyguard for years, but also is his friend and lover. He ends up joining in on the night of fun that Olivia and Dace are having.

I love that we have an older, tall heroine (she’s 36 and 5’10”) and that all 3 of the characters are curvy! Pleasure on their planet is symbiotic (what she feels, he feels, etc) so that was fun to see play out! This is MMF so everyone is having a great time together and I love when all sides of a poly relationship feel whole (which it definitely did with these 3). We do have a language barrier between Ebbad and Olivia but loved seeing them communicate in their own way or through Dace. Kind of leaves off on a HFN, but it was fun!

[Averie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is about a human woman being abducted from Earth by an alien king who has had his eye on her. The two end up having a fun night together with the king's bodyguard.

This was a super fun and HOT read!! I wish it was a full-length book so I could have more! :)

TROPES: 3+ couple, alien romance, bodyguard, height difference, hidden identity, kindle unlimited, language barrier, lgbtq+, plus size rep, novella

[Sheba Hector · Rating 5 out of 5]

Speechless 5 OUT OF 5 don’t ask me any questions

[Crystal · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn't expecting literary greatness with a title like this, but was expecting a hidden gem, similar to Morning Glory Milking Farm. That's not at all what I got. This was more of an erotic scene than a a story, let alone a romance. The three hooked up for one night, then she went home. There is an epilogue that alludes to a HFN, but it wasn't in any way satisfying for me. Overall I was just left wanting too much more for this one to be a good read, so I'm filing it in my 'meh' category.

[Kara Quinlan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes, you saw that correctly, 5/5. 🔥

[Sam Languis · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was JUST porn. Which I can get behind but there was basically no story line. Lame

[Boobies & Noobies · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoughts: I mean, let's be honest... the title says it all. This is a fun, intergalactic fuck-fest between one human woman and two big, blue (and fat) aliens. I love Marie Lipscomb's (aka M.L. Eliza) commitment to include larger men AND women in all of her books! Oh, and as if two alien dudes wasn't enough, there's also a robotic sex sling... with tentacles. So, there you go.

I'd definitely rate this one as "erotica" rather than romance, but so long as you know what you're in for (and how could you not with that title?), I think you'll enjoy it!

Heart: 5/10
Humor: N/A
Heat: 9/10
Goodreads: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Kazen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short story that's good for what it is... which is exactly what the title promises. The heroine gets sucked up onto a spaceship where she comes face to face with the guy she's been flirting with on a dating app. It turns out that he's an alien, and they have all kinds of hot sex.

Even though the page count is similar to Eliza's other books I found it less satisfying due to the shallow plot and HEA-for-now, but if you're looking for something steamy and short it's just the thing.

[I'm Fine, Just Tired · Rating 4 out of 5]

How My Boring Life Was Completely Derailed (And I Was Absolutely Railed) By Two Big, Blue Alien Dudes from Outer Space

HERO /HEROINE
Olivia is 36 and works in a convienience store. In her free time she flirts with men on Smolder.
Dace is a King of an alien people. He is fascinated by all things Earth and science. He has his advisors create a Smolder account for him to find his Queen.
Ebbad is the personal bodyguard for King Dace and also has a romantic relationship with him. He is dedicated to his people and King and protects Dace with everything he has.
REPRESENTATION
MMF, Woman is in her 30s, Plus Size EVERYONEEEE!
OVERALL THOUGHTS
FAT BODIES EVERYWHERE! Stories like these make me so happy.

CARPE THE ALIEN DICK, that’s my motto. I’m only living once, so I may as well make the most of it.

MEEEEE.

Her customs are different from mine, and I accept that. It will be fun to learn them, unlike her language, which caused me to shed tears more than once. But I was determined to learn.

Dace learned a whole ass language for Olivia and I love that about him. He made me smile so much through this story with just how genuine and wonderful he was.

Condemn me to the abyss for all I care, gods. The only alter I now fall upon is that of my queen.

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE
I wish more than anything this story was a full ass novel. I’m talking about romance and everything. Dace and Ebbad were great together and I wanted Olivia to like it there and stay. Maybe an assassin attempt or two. Just a fluffy sexy read where they grow a relationship while protecting Dace from death till he can sign the treaty.
FAVORITE QUOTES:

“You... you’re an alien?” she asks.
“But... your photos...”
Ah... yes. The photos of the human male I used on my Smolder profile to ease her into speaking with me.
I glance down, shame burning at the pointed tips of my ears.
“Those are not me.”
“You catfished me?”
“Catfished?”
She withdraws her hand from my breast and swats mine from hers.
Fiery Olivia.
Her thunder makes my cock twitch.
“You lied. And you left me on read.”

SAFETY
AGE:
Olivia is 36
SEXUAL HISTORY:
No one is a virgin. Dace and Ebbad are in a relationship on the side before Olivia even shows up.
CONDOMS:
No condoms.
TUMMY BUTTERFLIES:

“Fuck your human queen with your mouth, but put your kingly ass in the air so I can fuck you too.”

PUSH/PULL:
Not really, Olivia makes it very clear she can’t stay permanently and they all decide to have fun while they have her.
SEPARATION:
A month or so of separation but we don’t get to see the effects of that separation, we get to see them reunite in the epilogue.
CHEATING:
NO
OW (Other Woman)/OM (Other Man) drama:
NO
SEX SCENE WITH OW/OM:
Thi is an MMF but before Olivia arrives Dace(MM) is in a relationship with Ebbad (M) and it’s talked about past experiences in detail. In no way as the reader did I get an icky feeling about there being OM. It was actually hot because Olivia was accepting and everyone was really welcoming.
ABUSE:
Olivia IS technically kidnapped from Earth and strong armed for a bit before the Dace can actually tell her what the heck she was doing there.
POSSIBLE PET PEEVES/TRIGGERS
Author did provide a content warning page. Absolute boss.

This book is about a human heroine being railed by two big blue alien dudes from outer space. All the characters in this book are plus-sized and fully aware of how hot they are. It includes fully consensual depictions of oral and vaginal sex with two partners (without contraception), vaginal fingering, being restrained and pleasured by robotic tentacles, anal fingering, anal sex, ejaculation (inside the heroine’s vagina, one hero’s anus, and pretty much all over the heroine). There is one instance of one hero touching the heroine’s breast without consent but she is happy to let it continue. It also includes the heroine eating food and drinking unknown alien drinks (she is not in any way negatively affected by them).

HEA/HFN:
HFN A month later Ebbad surprises Dace by taking him to Earth to see Olivia. It was so cute!!

[Erica Testa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I mean. Sure. Best title of a naughty alien throuple novella goes to…
I first read M.L. Eliza’s “Santa Claus is Going to town on me” during the holidays and I loved her brand of funny erotica. I went through a list of “Santa romances” and it was one of my favorites!
Shockingly enough I think this was my first throuple read. It was extremely spicy, nonstop romp, funny, and sweet. I loved the little nods to what makes English such a hard language and specialty “Earth” items such as romance novels and goldfish crackers! A quick little naughty novella. Loved the author’s note and content guidance at the beginning. Absolutely look forward to whatever else bonkers thing this author decides to write!

[Shoshanna Ford · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is p*rn. It's positively filthy. Five Stars.

Going in, I did not know that it was only going to be a 75 page short story JUST about alien sex. BUT I didn't hate it. I saw an ad for it on twitter, I said WTF and bought it. I read it on the car ride back to the vacation house from a gas station a few miles away. It was just one / one and a half? Maybe two? (it blends together!) sex scenes.

There were actually quite a few details shared in conversation (ha!) about this other world. It made me a little sad that there was not more to the story. I want to know what happens in this crazy political climate they have going on. I was into it.

All in all, if you're looking for some alien nasty, this one hits the spot!

[Van · Rating 3 out of 5]

I almost gave it an extra star just for that title, which is hilarious while also telling you EXACTLY what to expect. This story is what it says on the tin. I loved the tentacle bondage (even if they weren't REAL tentacles), but there definitely wasn't enough tentacle insertion. When I'm looking for monsterfucking books, I'm usually looking for something a little less tame than this. The sex was surprisingly vanilla, and not nearly enough was made of the size difference other than mentioning it.

[Erin Fulmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Got this on my Kindle on a Sunday night and finished it by Monday morning. This short erotic MMF novella was a big delight! It was 🔥🔥🔥 and I also loved the anti-monarchist undertones. We stan a burly, sexy, bisexual alien king who is 100% over being a tool of the patriarchy. Surprisingly wholesome and emotionally resonant, sex and body positive, and also made a great respite from a terrible week of living in the real world we're stuck with. A+++ only complaint I have is I wished it was longer!

[Robert Showell · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an enjoyable fantasy sex romp and made for a very fun read. It's none too deep or philosophical and it mostly just focuses on the physical pleasure of the narrator and her two alien cohorts. It's nice to encounter works of erotica where the female is as powerful and in charge as the male characters. However it does prove the theory that too much of a good thing, is too much of a good thing. I was glad when some bit of action other than sex was happening. However for a brief trip to a very heady sexual place, it was enjoyable and fun.

[Emmy Jeanz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, so read the cover. You did? Great. That's exactly what this book is. It's really good smut with unique alien appendages. A plus sized cashier gets abducted from Earth + brought to an Alien planet. While there, she agrees to a one night stand with the alien king + his guard. Did I mention they're both plus size too? 😏 The story ends on a happy for now.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just like the title says, she’s getting railed by 2 aliens. Pretty steamy, funny and wholesome.

There’s a moment that he literally thinks her stretch marks are gifts from God and that makes me aww. They also like goldfish crackers. But they are also really into making everyone cum

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

*4.5 I came into this thinking this was a parody like kissing the coronavirus level because of the title. Aliens and that title drew me towards it and not one regret. Definitely enjoyed this more than I thought. Delivered on the spice and I was left delighted throughout and after reading the book.

[Samantha Holz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun & entertaining

There were lots of cool details in this world, I loved that the MMC's were thiccy's. I enjoyed a lot about this story. It was rather short, and that's okay. Quite enjoyable.

[-ˏˋ D ˊˎ- · Rating 3 out of 5]

“My Bakfos king, and our Earth queen, the two beings in this universe worth traversing the stars for.”
-Ebbad, from How My Boring Life Was Completely Derailed (And I Was Absolutely Railed) By Two Big, Blue Alien Dudes From Outer Space by M.L. Eliza

[Jessica O · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was silly and fun and funny and sexy. A few proofreading errors, but nothing bad enough to detract from the story.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everything you need to know is in the title

[Mara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was absolute chaos and matched the title's energy perfectly. So if you like the title, then read this short smutty sci fi romance for some banana pants fun

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listen. You need these two aliens in your life. Trust me.

[Sara (onourshelves) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short, fun, hot, and exactly as advertised

[Scooby2]

DNF 64 %