The Hold Me Tight Workbook: A Couple's Guide for a Lifetime of Love

by Sue Johnson

A companion workbook to Dr. Sue Johnson’s million-copy bestseller Hold Me Tight , packed with exercises, conversation prompts, and activities to help couples strengthen their bond, deepen their intimacy, and cultivate a lifetime of love.

Dr. Sue Johnson's landmark book Hold Me Tight has helped more than 1 million readers strengthen and repair their romantic relationships. Now, finally, comes a companion workbook designed to help couples open up, reestablish safe emotional connection, and renew their bond. 

Drawing on the latest developments in Emotionally Focused Therapy, a field pioneered by Dr. Johnson, The Hold Me Tight Workbook is packed with sage wisdom and science-backed advice, as well as compelling conversation prompts, exercises, activities, and resources to help couples work through conflict and achieve greater levels of intimacy. Whether you're celebrating your 50th anniversary or your first, The Hold Me Tight Workbook is an invaluable guide to cultivating a deeper connection — and more fulfilling relationship — with the person you love most. 

Genres: Relationships, Psychology

224 pages, Paperback

Published December 13, 2022

About the author

Dr. Sue Johnson is a leading innovator in the fields of couple therapy and adult attachment; she is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couple and Family Therapy (EFT). Sue’s received numerous awards acknowledging her development of EFT, including the American Psychological Association’s “Family Psychologist of the Year'' and the Order of Canada, both in 2016.

Her best-selling book Hold Me Tight (2008) - with 1 million copies sold as of 2021 - has taught countless couples how to enhance and repair their relationships and has since been developed into a relationship enhancement program called Hold Me Tight Online.

As the founding director of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT), Sue trains counselors in EFT worldwide and provides guidance to 80 affiliated centers. You can find out more about Sue and her work at drsuejohnson.com.

Reviews

[Morgan Conner · Rating 4 out of 5]

my therapist recommended this book to us and i think we both found it to be very helpful and eye opening to complete these activities. I highly recommend if you have a partner.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

It has some helpful reminders and insights: how important loving relationships are to one's wellbeing and resilience, healing relationship traumas through deep conversation, apologies, and forgiveness, and healthy intimacy and how that reinforces the relationship. However I find that the overall approach, framework, and terminology is not that helpful - it's not that intuitive or easy to follow or apply. Also some of the language is a bit extreme e.g. "demon" which makes it more difficult to follow.

[Jakub Štefan · Rating 3 out of 5]

After the introductory remarks, the author guides us with advice that focuses on sharing with partners and reminding us how important their presence is to us. One of the significant themes in the book is emotions and emotional behavior. Sue Johnson mentions Jaak Panksepp's research on the PANIC system, which is activated during social isolation, which she then compares to the human response to feelings of loneliness and abandonment. Readers are then guided through exercises that help them identify and understand their own abandonment fears. And so if we feel in danger - loss of a partner - we have a panic reaction, which manifests itself in what Johnson calls the demon dialogue.

Recognizing Demon Dialog:
Johnson presents 4 types of demon dialogues:
- Find a Bad Guy: Finding the culprit in a relationship.
- Protest Polka: Manifestations of disagreement through distance.
- Freeze and Flee: Loss of connection and hopeless thinking that you are not loved.
- Raw Spots: Activation of sensitive spots, leading to demonic dialogues.
Differentiating surface and deeper emotions: Readers learn to recognize surface and softer (deeper) emotions, such as vulnerability. By focusing on the themes behind the demonic dialogue, a better response from the partner can be achieved.

And she also gives examples of positive conversations:
- Hold Me Tight Conversation: Sue Johnson presents "Hold Me Tight Conversation" as a tool for expressing inner fears. With the help of "handles", couples reach deeper feelings. Apologizing to your partner for the original injury requires courage.
- Sex and Connection: Points out the relationship between a secure bond and sex. She distinguishes three types of sex depending on the emotional mood of the relationship.
a) Sealed sex - sensation and performance.
b) Solace sex - partner seeking touch which otherwise lacks.
c) Synchrony sex - secure bond and adventurous sex because of emotional attunement.
- Keeping Love Alive: Sue Johnson offers tools for keeping love alive and relationship exploration to prevent demonic dialogues. Tips include keeping traditions reminiscent of good times and small gestures that strengthen love for your partner.

For each part, there is a semi-structured questionnaire to which the reader with/without a partner should answer and gain insight into the processes in his relationship. Out of the 3 books I have read by Johns, I would recommend to a layman who wants to orient himself in his relationship, I would recommend starting with this book. It is the shortest but also the most relevant. Hold Me Tight is 1/3 examples of how to work with dialogues and 1/3 theory, and the last 1/3 of the book is a repetition of the first two parts but in a different way or extended examples. Love sense was the longest and also the most theoretical. Hold me tight workbook is bang for a buck. In a brief moment, a person learns something about himself by filling out questionnaires. It is light reading, but in this case, it is rather an advantage.