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Sorry For Your Loss: What Working with the Dead Taught Me About Life
Following Kate Marshall’s first year in the mortuary at a north of England NHS hospital, with each month exploring the people she meets, in life and death, as well as her own growing awareness of life behind the veil.
– Meet Mr X: Found in his apartment months after his death, Mr X has no relatives that can be traced. He is the longest-serving resident of the mortuary, having been there for almost a year while the search for his elusive family continues. The staff talk to him like an old friend, but Mr X is disintegrating and a decision has to be made soon.
- Meet Mary: Her baby girl has been lost in the 15th week of pregnancy, Mary’s last chance to have a child. Mary won’t allow Abigail to leave the mortuary until she has finished reading a book to her. She visits twice each day, sitting with her baby, reading to her, speaking to no one, until she finally opens up to Kate.
- Meet Joe: A loving husband and father who has died suddenly of a heart attack. Joe is visited by his wife, his children – and his mistress. On the day that all his worlds collide, Kate witnesses how death can finally reveal the truth of years of lies.
Sorry for Your Loss is haunting, uplifting and informative, with many moments of laughter, and shows us that the way we approach death can make life all the more precious.
– Meet Mr X: Found in his apartment months after his death, Mr X has no relatives that can be traced. He is the longest-serving resident of the mortuary, having been there for almost a year while the search for his elusive family continues. The staff talk to him like an old friend, but Mr X is disintegrating and a decision has to be made soon.
- Meet Mary: Her baby girl has been lost in the 15th week of pregnancy, Mary’s last chance to have a child. Mary won’t allow Abigail to leave the mortuary until she has finished reading a book to her. She visits twice each day, sitting with her baby, reading to her, speaking to no one, until she finally opens up to Kate.
- Meet Joe: A loving husband and father who has died suddenly of a heart attack. Joe is visited by his wife, his children – and his mistress. On the day that all his worlds collide, Kate witnesses how death can finally reveal the truth of years of lies.
Sorry for Your Loss is haunting, uplifting and informative, with many moments of laughter, and shows us that the way we approach death can make life all the more precious.
240 pages, Paperback
First published July 21, 2022
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2051 people want to read
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September 24, 2022
Think of a baking a layer cake. Each layer of sponge cake is nice, but not remarkable, and neither are the layers of jam or buttercream, not even the water icing drizzled over the top. But then, cut a slice and it is delicious, all together it is a really good cake. And so it is with this book. It is the sum of its parts.
I've read quite a few books of people who work with the dead to prepare them for and give them funerals, including last week Last Rites: The Evolution of the American Funeral, but this book is by a hospital mortuary worker and has very little in common with those books. What she does is to receive bodies from the hospital, before and after autopsies, and ambulances, clean them up if necessary. That small phrase is a whole world of heartache, cleaning up from suicide, car accidents, those who died lonely and were found decomposed. Store them in the fridges - which, in a busy winter flu season, the author describes as 'body jenga', get them ready for viewing and if required, sit with the family and the body.
A bit gruesome were hospital porters going around the wards asking the nurses how many deaths they expected that night, as the space in the fridges had to be planned.
I didn't know this about Covid, but the damage to the lungs that shows up in x-rays is like a cobweb pattern, quite unlike anything else at all. Covid was very difficult for the mortuary workers. They had no more staff but many more bodies to deal with and since it was/is presumed the bodies are still infectious, the horrendously bulky ppe to wear as well. And countless calls from the families of the dead to please let them view them one last time. All denied.
In death as in birth, it seems that the burden is carried by women. The author says that in her experience 80% of planning after death is left to the woman. If a man is widowed, he asks his daughter or his son, if his son then it will be the daughter-in-law who does the work. As the author puts it,
A quote from the book about babies who didn't make it, that is so uplifting and lovely
__________
The hospital mortuary has coffins for even tinier babies. The tiny ones are the size of a loaf of bread, but the tiniest are just the size of a bar of soap, lined, with a tiny pillow and blanket for the babies born much too early, but still perfectly formed. They have clothes too from a company that makes them for premature babies. Not generic, but beautifully-embroidered tiny dresses and three piece suits for the boys. I think this may be the saddest thing I ever read. My eyes are full now, just writing it. A note - it is only for babies clothes and a coffin is provided. For adults, it is what they are wearing. Although a man, viewing the much tattooed and pierced body of his loved one, did ask the author to dress her head to toe in a latex outfit he'd bought and remove the genital ring from a piercing to give him. Requests denied.
It is a lovely, slow, enlightening book written with great compassion, on what goes on in the basement of hospitals. It is where very many of us will end up, though absolutely no-one would choose to. But we will.
__________
On GR thinking that the world of books is really just the US.
I've read quite a few books of people who work with the dead to prepare them for and give them funerals, including last week Last Rites: The Evolution of the American Funeral, but this book is by a hospital mortuary worker and has very little in common with those books. What she does is to receive bodies from the hospital, before and after autopsies, and ambulances, clean them up if necessary. That small phrase is a whole world of heartache, cleaning up from suicide, car accidents, those who died lonely and were found decomposed. Store them in the fridges - which, in a busy winter flu season, the author describes as 'body jenga', get them ready for viewing and if required, sit with the family and the body.
A bit gruesome were hospital porters going around the wards asking the nurses how many deaths they expected that night, as the space in the fridges had to be planned.
I didn't know this about Covid, but the damage to the lungs that shows up in x-rays is like a cobweb pattern, quite unlike anything else at all. Covid was very difficult for the mortuary workers. They had no more staff but many more bodies to deal with and since it was/is presumed the bodies are still infectious, the horrendously bulky ppe to wear as well. And countless calls from the families of the dead to please let them view them one last time. All denied.
In death as in birth, it seems that the burden is carried by women. The author says that in her experience 80% of planning after death is left to the woman. If a man is widowed, he asks his daughter or his son, if his son then it will be the daughter-in-law who does the work. As the author puts it,
Maybe some of it comes from the time when women would be responsible for the laying out of bodies, organising wakes and making sure that everyone who knew the deceased was contacted. They would deal with family rifts, with the emotions, with every detail right down to making sure everyone was fed and watered during this hard time. A lot of that lingers on. Even when it is someone who isn't directly related, you won't often catch a man leaving a pasta bake on the doorstep of a neighbour, to help them out when they're grieving__________
A quote from the book about babies who didn't make it, that is so uplifting and lovely
Hospitals have a sizing system to accommodate all stages of development. We actually use a lot of ice cream tubs – they just happen to be the right size and most useful vessels we have. They allow the tiniest of babies to be accommodated and held by their loved ones, so that the grieving parents can still feel extremely close to their child.What was interesting was that sometimes even a very premature baby might gasp for air when born, just a single gasp. This is legally very important. With twins, the one who doesn't gasp is stillborn and needs to be registered as such, the one who gasped just once, needs a birth certificate and death certificate. Even more harrowing.
There is a dedicated and extremely talented group of ladies who spend much of their spare time knitting the most beautiful and intricate items, from blankets (smaller than the average napkin) to little hats and bootees that would be way too small for a child’s dolly. These ladies ensure the oval ice cream cartons are covered and transformed into the most beautiful miniature cradles, enhanced with silk and lace. These precious angel babies, often too fragile to be held naturally, are presented to their distraught parents who can then hold their little one looking like they are sleeping peacefully in a tiny cradle
__________
The hospital mortuary has coffins for even tinier babies. The tiny ones are the size of a loaf of bread, but the tiniest are just the size of a bar of soap, lined, with a tiny pillow and blanket for the babies born much too early, but still perfectly formed. They have clothes too from a company that makes them for premature babies. Not generic, but beautifully-embroidered tiny dresses and three piece suits for the boys. I think this may be the saddest thing I ever read. My eyes are full now, just writing it. A note - it is only for babies clothes and a coffin is provided. For adults, it is what they are wearing. Although a man, viewing the much tattooed and pierced body of his loved one, did ask the author to dress her head to toe in a latex outfit he'd bought and remove the genital ring from a piercing to give him. Requests denied.
It is a lovely, slow, enlightening book written with great compassion, on what goes on in the basement of hospitals. It is where very many of us will end up, though absolutely no-one would choose to. But we will.
__________
On GR thinking that the world of books is really just the US.
August 11, 2022
“SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS : What working with the dead taught me about life” is a non fiction memoir of a behind the scenes look at working life in an NHS hospital mortuary. Written by Linda Watson-Brown and is based on the real life experiences of Kate Marshall, as she recalls various encounters with both the living and the dead, during her employment across a full calendar year.
I can’t deny that this book contains quite graphic descriptions regarding the deterioration of dead bodies and as to be expected, there is a lot of coverage about grief and other peoples suffering. There’s quite a few mentions of miscarriages and still birth too, so if you’re not in a position at the moment to read about these things or you have a fear of all things relating to death, this may not be for you.
However saying that, I’ve just lost my dear dad recently and I wasn’t sure at first that this was a book I’d want to read so soon but I gave it some thought and realised that (for me) it could be quite comforting. My dad died in hospital and I always wondered exactly what happened, in the time between his passing and to when the funeral director took over. I felt very reassured by what Kate Marshall said, regarding the procedures and the physical and emotional wellbeing that is given to patients who have died on a ward.
The book isn’t all doom and gloom though as the author has injected some compassionate humour into the story, with some rather intriguing and often hilarious true events that occurred, when families came to view their friends and relatives. All are true, even though some were quite unbelievable. But as we all know, grief really does affect everyone differently.
Emotions aside, this is a really informative book and I what I found truly fascinating was the effect that Covid had on the hospital mortuary. Remembering how hard the NHS was struggling, I never really considered how the huge number of deaths recorded by the government every day, affected the mortuary and its staff.
Kate Marshall is a similar age to me and what she wrote in the conclusion of her autobiography regarding her personal thoughts and reflections, mirror mine exactly. Recognising your own mortality and the awareness of unavoidable death, along with not wanting your loved ones left bereft, is exactly what I’m feeling too and I was comforted by the thought I’m not alone.
I think sometimes we forget to live and it often takes death to make us realise this but life really is short and we need to ensure we leave a life that was fulfilled and full of love.
Death doesn’t define us but life does.
Incidentally I passed this book onto the funeral director who was in charge of my dads funeral, as I believe he’d find it just as interesting and has promised to report back on his thoughts.
#SorryForYourLoss - 5 stars
Thank you to Mel at Mardle Books for my copy of the book in return for an honest review.
I can’t deny that this book contains quite graphic descriptions regarding the deterioration of dead bodies and as to be expected, there is a lot of coverage about grief and other peoples suffering. There’s quite a few mentions of miscarriages and still birth too, so if you’re not in a position at the moment to read about these things or you have a fear of all things relating to death, this may not be for you.
However saying that, I’ve just lost my dear dad recently and I wasn’t sure at first that this was a book I’d want to read so soon but I gave it some thought and realised that (for me) it could be quite comforting. My dad died in hospital and I always wondered exactly what happened, in the time between his passing and to when the funeral director took over. I felt very reassured by what Kate Marshall said, regarding the procedures and the physical and emotional wellbeing that is given to patients who have died on a ward.
The book isn’t all doom and gloom though as the author has injected some compassionate humour into the story, with some rather intriguing and often hilarious true events that occurred, when families came to view their friends and relatives. All are true, even though some were quite unbelievable. But as we all know, grief really does affect everyone differently.
Emotions aside, this is a really informative book and I what I found truly fascinating was the effect that Covid had on the hospital mortuary. Remembering how hard the NHS was struggling, I never really considered how the huge number of deaths recorded by the government every day, affected the mortuary and its staff.
Kate Marshall is a similar age to me and what she wrote in the conclusion of her autobiography regarding her personal thoughts and reflections, mirror mine exactly. Recognising your own mortality and the awareness of unavoidable death, along with not wanting your loved ones left bereft, is exactly what I’m feeling too and I was comforted by the thought I’m not alone.
I think sometimes we forget to live and it often takes death to make us realise this but life really is short and we need to ensure we leave a life that was fulfilled and full of love.
Death doesn’t define us but life does.
Incidentally I passed this book onto the funeral director who was in charge of my dads funeral, as I believe he’d find it just as interesting and has promised to report back on his thoughts.
#SorryForYourLoss - 5 stars
Thank you to Mel at Mardle Books for my copy of the book in return for an honest review.
May 16, 2022
A heart-wrenching memoir that brings death right to our threshold - and injects hope for the living.
Kate Marshall reflects upon grief and death in 'Sorry for Your Loss: What Working with the Dead Taught Me About Life,' poignant recollections that make you question your life choices.
Fate certainly had big plans for the author, who landed a job she never dreamt about. She became a member of the Bereavement Department of a hospital in the UK. Her labor obligations included, among other things,
organizing viewings (the relatives of the deceased come to say their last goodbye),
paperwork for the release of the bodies to funeral houses,
body Jenga, switching the bodies inside the refrigerators and freezers to free the space for the new arrivals.
The book, structured according to the chronological order (starting with 2019), describes the most notable cases, like a woman who visited her deceased baby for two weeks and read books to her and couldn't let the baby go. The story dispels myths from American TV shows that have nothing to do with reality in the UK. Thus, the book is much-needed practical guidance for UK residents who know nothing about hospital mortuaries and funerals.
The usage of exclamation marks and the somewhat chaotic character of the narrative is what made me remove stars from my rating. The stark contrast between the obviously sad topic and the author's excitement (when, for example, relatives took away the false teeth of the deceased instead of his personal items) gave memoirs a flair of naivety.
I can't recommend 'Sorry for Your Loss' to people with mental health problems. The author directly appeals to the readers' emotions, inviting them to share the grief and sorrow she felt while communicating with relatives of the deceased. For some people, the emotional element of the story will be too much to bear.
I recommend the book to people not afraid to reflect on life and death. After all, the author wants the readers to reevaluate their priorities.
'We'll all go through this and all that I know is that love will be what matters when it's your time. Don't be afraid to show affection, don't be afraid to stop working and listen to old stories, don't be afraid of what lies behind the curtain.'
(The quote may be different in the final version of the book).
I received an advance review copy through NetGalley, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Kate Marshall reflects upon grief and death in 'Sorry for Your Loss: What Working with the Dead Taught Me About Life,' poignant recollections that make you question your life choices.
Fate certainly had big plans for the author, who landed a job she never dreamt about. She became a member of the Bereavement Department of a hospital in the UK. Her labor obligations included, among other things,
organizing viewings (the relatives of the deceased come to say their last goodbye),
paperwork for the release of the bodies to funeral houses,
body Jenga, switching the bodies inside the refrigerators and freezers to free the space for the new arrivals.
The book, structured according to the chronological order (starting with 2019), describes the most notable cases, like a woman who visited her deceased baby for two weeks and read books to her and couldn't let the baby go. The story dispels myths from American TV shows that have nothing to do with reality in the UK. Thus, the book is much-needed practical guidance for UK residents who know nothing about hospital mortuaries and funerals.
The usage of exclamation marks and the somewhat chaotic character of the narrative is what made me remove stars from my rating. The stark contrast between the obviously sad topic and the author's excitement (when, for example, relatives took away the false teeth of the deceased instead of his personal items) gave memoirs a flair of naivety.
I can't recommend 'Sorry for Your Loss' to people with mental health problems. The author directly appeals to the readers' emotions, inviting them to share the grief and sorrow she felt while communicating with relatives of the deceased. For some people, the emotional element of the story will be too much to bear.
I recommend the book to people not afraid to reflect on life and death. After all, the author wants the readers to reevaluate their priorities.
'We'll all go through this and all that I know is that love will be what matters when it's your time. Don't be afraid to show affection, don't be afraid to stop working and listen to old stories, don't be afraid of what lies behind the curtain.'
(The quote may be different in the final version of the book).
I received an advance review copy through NetGalley, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
April 22, 2022
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
The stories the author shares in this book are told with gentleness and provide a glimpse into how the mortuary at this hospital operates. It's a fascinating book. Each day provides vastly different dead people with their own vastly different loved ones and their reactions to grief and loss.
The stories the author shares in this book are told with gentleness and provide a glimpse into how the mortuary at this hospital operates. It's a fascinating book. Each day provides vastly different dead people with their own vastly different loved ones and their reactions to grief and loss.
March 26, 2025
"Sorry For Your Loss" is a beautiful book written with outstanding respect and dignity.
Very emotional at times...occasionally it did make me smile but still with a little sadness behind it.
I've always feared my own death and dying so I did prepare myself for the worst...I couldn't have been more wrong, this book actually helped me face my fear as to what goes on after dying and your body going to a mortuary (I just hope all mortuaries are like the one in this book and have dedicated and kind people like Kate working in them???) But I wont get disillusioned or hold my breath though!!!
For me this book definitely earns itself 5 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟's
Very emotional at times...occasionally it did make me smile but still with a little sadness behind it.
I've always feared my own death and dying so I did prepare myself for the worst...I couldn't have been more wrong, this book actually helped me face my fear as to what goes on after dying and your body going to a mortuary (I just hope all mortuaries are like the one in this book and have dedicated and kind people like Kate working in them???) But I wont get disillusioned or hold my breath though!!!
For me this book definitely earns itself 5 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟's
April 14, 2022
I received this from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Let me start by saying that I love medical books and I although this book is about the dead, it takes place in a hospital mortuary so I do believe this falls into the "medical" field. That being said and although this will sound strange given the subject matter, I really enjoyed this book. I found it to be extremely interesting reading the details that the author provided about what happens to our bodies after we die. I also found it comforting to read all the different reactions from the family members when they are invited in to view the bodies of their loved ones. There were even certain parts that made me laugh as although this is a serious topic, some of the reactions of people and the way the author wrote about them made it a little more light hearted. It was also interesting to me to read the differences in ways that death is handled in the UK as opposed to the US where I live. One part said that people are not embalmed in UK unless there is going to be an extended viewing of the body. Here in the US most bodies are embalmed regardless of viewing time.
In my line of thinking, books like this are important for people that like me are not only curious about what happens after you die, but help you to see that through it all we are all just humans and reactions will vary by every situation. Sometimes we think there is a right way that we should be reacting or right way of doing things or feeling when someone close to us passes. However, this book just shows you how every one in that situation reacts their own way and you never know how that is going to be until you are in the situation. I think its important to know you don't need to fit into some kind of mold of grief. Its perfectly ok to just feel what you are feeling and this book does a great job of showing you that.
In my line of thinking, books like this are important for people that like me are not only curious about what happens after you die, but help you to see that through it all we are all just humans and reactions will vary by every situation. Sometimes we think there is a right way that we should be reacting or right way of doing things or feeling when someone close to us passes. However, this book just shows you how every one in that situation reacts their own way and you never know how that is going to be until you are in the situation. I think its important to know you don't need to fit into some kind of mold of grief. Its perfectly ok to just feel what you are feeling and this book does a great job of showing you that.
May 2, 2022
I loved this memoir! Kate has a lovely style of writing and it is just like sitting with her while she reminisces, the book sometimes following a thought all the way through to the end but sometimes like a butterfly hopping from memory to memory, a piece of wisdom to a fact about how things work in the mortuary of an English hospital.
I am the same age as Kate with similarly aged children and my thoughts have turned more to my death since Covid has come to town. My parents have also aged rapidly over the last few years and how I honour them in death, mixing their wishes with my own is very poignant. Kate is absolutely correct when she says we need to talk about death more in our culture and normalise it. It has just occurred to me that while I have full funeral instructions for one of my parents, the other hasn’t even mentioned whether they want to be buried or cremated.
When we clapped for the NHS we didn’t think about Kate and her team, after all who thinks about mortuaries at all unless they are forced to, but this book has integrated them (in my mind) into the grand machine that is the NHS: a cog no smaller and less significant than nurses, doctors or any of the other health service staff.
Having read and not rated particularly highly, another hospital memoir that covers the period of the height of the pandemic I totally recommend this one to anyone and everyone.
I am the same age as Kate with similarly aged children and my thoughts have turned more to my death since Covid has come to town. My parents have also aged rapidly over the last few years and how I honour them in death, mixing their wishes with my own is very poignant. Kate is absolutely correct when she says we need to talk about death more in our culture and normalise it. It has just occurred to me that while I have full funeral instructions for one of my parents, the other hasn’t even mentioned whether they want to be buried or cremated.
When we clapped for the NHS we didn’t think about Kate and her team, after all who thinks about mortuaries at all unless they are forced to, but this book has integrated them (in my mind) into the grand machine that is the NHS: a cog no smaller and less significant than nurses, doctors or any of the other health service staff.
Having read and not rated particularly highly, another hospital memoir that covers the period of the height of the pandemic I totally recommend this one to anyone and everyone.
April 11, 2022
I read this in 36 hours. As a nurse with 30years experience it resonated. As a widow of almost three years, it resonated. As a 50 year old woman who lost her mum a year ago, it resonated.
This book was beautifully written and allowed the reader to connect on many levels. It brought across the varying levels of emotion that death hands us and it also showed so deeply, how death is accepted by the world. It is one of those taboo subjects.
While there is a morbid fascination on death, there is also a reluctance to address it. This book deals with it all. I was gifted a woman who knew what her job was, she knew working with death was for her. I was given a variety of characters in the friends & families that came for viewings and I was given a view into how it all collided together to make the world a better place.
Highly recommend this book.
This book was beautifully written and allowed the reader to connect on many levels. It brought across the varying levels of emotion that death hands us and it also showed so deeply, how death is accepted by the world. It is one of those taboo subjects.
While there is a morbid fascination on death, there is also a reluctance to address it. This book deals with it all. I was gifted a woman who knew what her job was, she knew working with death was for her. I was given a variety of characters in the friends & families that came for viewings and I was given a view into how it all collided together to make the world a better place.
Highly recommend this book.
March 19, 2023
DNF: very poorly written, narrative is chaotic and repetitive. The author is self indulgent and delights in the fact she is comfortable amongst the dead. On a positive note - this book provides a practical insight into the journey of a body after death and what bereaved families may expect.
March 12, 2023
An easily-read tale of life in a hospital mortuary in the months leading up to, and the first horrific months of the Covid 19 outbreak.
The author works for the mortuary and bereavement service, her work being both practical/physical (see: playing dead body Jenga, as she calls it and filing legal documents) and emotionally supporting the newly bereaved. She describes encounters with people of different faiths and backgrounds and her interactions with friends and family who are navigating those painful first hours and days.
There is, of course, a fair deal of gallows humour, as you might expect, but also touching stories of resilience and courage. The author clearly prides herself on following procedure to the T, but does so with a hefty dose of humanity. She sounds the perfect person for the job.
A short book, at a little over two hundred pages, but an ‘enjoyable’ one all the same.
The author works for the mortuary and bereavement service, her work being both practical/physical (see: playing dead body Jenga, as she calls it and filing legal documents) and emotionally supporting the newly bereaved. She describes encounters with people of different faiths and backgrounds and her interactions with friends and family who are navigating those painful first hours and days.
There is, of course, a fair deal of gallows humour, as you might expect, but also touching stories of resilience and courage. The author clearly prides herself on following procedure to the T, but does so with a hefty dose of humanity. She sounds the perfect person for the job.
A short book, at a little over two hundred pages, but an ‘enjoyable’ one all the same.
May 21, 2022
“All of these experiences were giving me some clarity. I was starting to see that some of the things we get hung up on just don’t matter. I was seeing patterns within the grief. How love presented itself in death, how families reacted to losing someone, how the way we are in life writes the final chapter.”
I thought this was an amazing book, written from a very kind and loving perspective. I actually finished it several weeks ago and was so overcome by the stories and the author’s observations that I needed to think about my review.
Kate Marshall took a subject we are rarely comfortable discussing or questioning—death—and removed some of the mystery by openly sharing her reality of life in a hospital mortuary. I was impressed by the level of respect and compassion shown for the bodies they cared for, and for the families they helped through the process.
Each time I read through my highlighted passages, I think, “Yes—that’s exactly right.” Maybe because my own mother’s death is still fresh, and Kate put many of my emotions into words. Here are some that I found especially meaningful.
💗“It’s all these little things that people dwell on and want to erase or rewrite. They beat themselves up about them. But, actually, do you know what? It’s often clear the departed were very much loved and they had normal relationships in normal lives. Those who are left behind, though, often want every single, enduring memory to be a positive one. Unfortunately, life isn’t like that. There are some families who do it better than others…”
💗“This is why I think we need to talk more openly about death – not just the practical side of things, what we’ll wear and who will get your earrings – but the emotional side, too. That sounds like a heavy conversation to have but that’s only because we put death in a pushed-away, little box of things that are distasteful to discuss. We don’t want to upset anyone about it, we don’t even want to raise it.”
💗”People whose partners, spouses or parents are no longer with us are expected, too often, to have a time limit on their grief and then the person will never be mentioned again. The only way to get through grief is to get through it, if that makes sense. The only way to deal with your new normal is to talk about them. You go through the pain barrier that way. It’s awful and it’s hard, but never having a conversation again about who you’ve lost is not the way to pay tribute to them.”
💗”I’ve lived among the dead for longer than I would have thought, and they have taught me more than I could ever have imagined. If I could reach out and thank each and every one of them for adding to the tapestry that has brought me to this place of understanding, I would. We’ll all go through this and all that I know is that love will be what matters when it’s your time. Don’t be afraid to show affection, don’t be afraid to stop working and listen to old stories, don’t be afraid of what lies behind the curtain.”
Thank you to the publishers at NetGalley for the advanced reader copy for review.
I thought this was an amazing book, written from a very kind and loving perspective. I actually finished it several weeks ago and was so overcome by the stories and the author’s observations that I needed to think about my review.
Kate Marshall took a subject we are rarely comfortable discussing or questioning—death—and removed some of the mystery by openly sharing her reality of life in a hospital mortuary. I was impressed by the level of respect and compassion shown for the bodies they cared for, and for the families they helped through the process.
Each time I read through my highlighted passages, I think, “Yes—that’s exactly right.” Maybe because my own mother’s death is still fresh, and Kate put many of my emotions into words. Here are some that I found especially meaningful.
💗“It’s all these little things that people dwell on and want to erase or rewrite. They beat themselves up about them. But, actually, do you know what? It’s often clear the departed were very much loved and they had normal relationships in normal lives. Those who are left behind, though, often want every single, enduring memory to be a positive one. Unfortunately, life isn’t like that. There are some families who do it better than others…”
💗“This is why I think we need to talk more openly about death – not just the practical side of things, what we’ll wear and who will get your earrings – but the emotional side, too. That sounds like a heavy conversation to have but that’s only because we put death in a pushed-away, little box of things that are distasteful to discuss. We don’t want to upset anyone about it, we don’t even want to raise it.”
💗”People whose partners, spouses or parents are no longer with us are expected, too often, to have a time limit on their grief and then the person will never be mentioned again. The only way to get through grief is to get through it, if that makes sense. The only way to deal with your new normal is to talk about them. You go through the pain barrier that way. It’s awful and it’s hard, but never having a conversation again about who you’ve lost is not the way to pay tribute to them.”
💗”I’ve lived among the dead for longer than I would have thought, and they have taught me more than I could ever have imagined. If I could reach out and thank each and every one of them for adding to the tapestry that has brought me to this place of understanding, I would. We’ll all go through this and all that I know is that love will be what matters when it’s your time. Don’t be afraid to show affection, don’t be afraid to stop working and listen to old stories, don’t be afraid of what lies behind the curtain.”
Thank you to the publishers at NetGalley for the advanced reader copy for review.
April 25, 2022
I received an e-ARC version of this book from NetGalley and the publisher.
“Sorry For Your Loss” is a non-fiction book by Kate Marshall. Ms. Marshall worked in a hospital mortuary, though I’d add in the States we might say she was also part of the Bereavement department. As my father died a year ago next month, I thought this was going to be a very difficult (emotionally) book to read, but it was - but not how I expected. Ms. Marshall wrote about her job in such a caring way. Death is such a difficult topic to talk about - even after the pandemic - and I greatly enjoyed how Ms. Marshall not only talked about how different people regard death (from celebrating the LIFE of the person all the way down to using a person’s death in a manipulative manner) but also how she learned a bit more about death (so much paperwork and so much compassion needed). I keenly felt for Ms. Marshall during the beginning months of COVID, when no one knew what was going on yet tending to the dead was still (if not more) needed in a professional manner (and how horribly difficult it must’ve been to tell people they couldn’t view their deceased). Her anecdotes ranged from the humorous to the sad, but always with compassion.
“Sorry For Your Loss” is a non-fiction book by Kate Marshall. Ms. Marshall worked in a hospital mortuary, though I’d add in the States we might say she was also part of the Bereavement department. As my father died a year ago next month, I thought this was going to be a very difficult (emotionally) book to read, but it was - but not how I expected. Ms. Marshall wrote about her job in such a caring way. Death is such a difficult topic to talk about - even after the pandemic - and I greatly enjoyed how Ms. Marshall not only talked about how different people regard death (from celebrating the LIFE of the person all the way down to using a person’s death in a manipulative manner) but also how she learned a bit more about death (so much paperwork and so much compassion needed). I keenly felt for Ms. Marshall during the beginning months of COVID, when no one knew what was going on yet tending to the dead was still (if not more) needed in a professional manner (and how horribly difficult it must’ve been to tell people they couldn’t view their deceased). Her anecdotes ranged from the humorous to the sad, but always with compassion.
April 29, 2022
I think it was the sub title of the book or byline of the book “What working with the dead taught me about life” is what really caught my attention and made me want to learn more about the book.
Kate tells quite a few different stories of those whose bodies she dealt with and their relatives. As well as the differences, be it the age of the person who died, or the circumstances of how that person died and the effect it had on those mourning them, and the different way people mourn too.
The book really is an emotional read and I identified with some of the different families, through the different loved ones they lost and how they each decided how to handle that loss and the family customs, traditions and rituals they chose to do.
One story Kate tells is “Keith” a man who had lots and lots of tattoos of all the people he loved in his life. It made me both smile and tear up, when Kate revealed that Keith’s son had decided a tattoo of his dad on his arm would be a special thing to do and he proudly shows it to Kate. He has chosen to carry on the tradition his father’s tattoo, through beginning to have tattoos himself and the very first one being one of his Dad, to honour his memory.
I teared up at the losses of babies and the stories Kate told about them.
Kate explains in the book how she and the team she works with handle some of the things we don’t see when we visit our loved ones after they have died. There is no awful gory detail, Kate is very sensitive, matter of fact and I think truthful about what happens behind the scenes.
There were even points in the book when I laughed out loud, the strange things people want that belonged to their loved one. Who on earth would want their dead relatives false teeth, what on earth are they going to do with them. Kate then shares that there will be items like perhaps a handkerchief that still has the perfume/aftershave of the dead person still on it and she has asked relatives if they would like to take it away with them and they have just waved the offer away saying to just throw it away! Then she mentions what I would describe as the one-up-manship behaviour, who loved the person the most etc etc. Death really does seem to bring out the worst in some people! Some of the questions that Kate have been asked
My immediate thoughts upon finishing the book really sum up what I thought to the book. It really honestly was a quite fascinating, original look and description of Kate’s everyday work in a hospital mortuary. It mentions the horror, heartache, and heart-warming moments within Kates jobs. The book also includes how covid created even more heartbreak when loved ones were not allowed to say their final farewells to loved ones either before they died or afterwards in a chapel of rest. All the restrictions and new rules for handling the bodies of those who had covid meant much more extra work as well as more chaos for those working in the mortuary.
Kate tells quite a few different stories of those whose bodies she dealt with and their relatives. As well as the differences, be it the age of the person who died, or the circumstances of how that person died and the effect it had on those mourning them, and the different way people mourn too.
The book really is an emotional read and I identified with some of the different families, through the different loved ones they lost and how they each decided how to handle that loss and the family customs, traditions and rituals they chose to do.
One story Kate tells is “Keith” a man who had lots and lots of tattoos of all the people he loved in his life. It made me both smile and tear up, when Kate revealed that Keith’s son had decided a tattoo of his dad on his arm would be a special thing to do and he proudly shows it to Kate. He has chosen to carry on the tradition his father’s tattoo, through beginning to have tattoos himself and the very first one being one of his Dad, to honour his memory.
I teared up at the losses of babies and the stories Kate told about them.
Kate explains in the book how she and the team she works with handle some of the things we don’t see when we visit our loved ones after they have died. There is no awful gory detail, Kate is very sensitive, matter of fact and I think truthful about what happens behind the scenes.
There were even points in the book when I laughed out loud, the strange things people want that belonged to their loved one. Who on earth would want their dead relatives false teeth, what on earth are they going to do with them. Kate then shares that there will be items like perhaps a handkerchief that still has the perfume/aftershave of the dead person still on it and she has asked relatives if they would like to take it away with them and they have just waved the offer away saying to just throw it away! Then she mentions what I would describe as the one-up-manship behaviour, who loved the person the most etc etc. Death really does seem to bring out the worst in some people! Some of the questions that Kate have been asked
My immediate thoughts upon finishing the book really sum up what I thought to the book. It really honestly was a quite fascinating, original look and description of Kate’s everyday work in a hospital mortuary. It mentions the horror, heartache, and heart-warming moments within Kates jobs. The book also includes how covid created even more heartbreak when loved ones were not allowed to say their final farewells to loved ones either before they died or afterwards in a chapel of rest. All the restrictions and new rules for handling the bodies of those who had covid meant much more extra work as well as more chaos for those working in the mortuary.
August 16, 2022
Sorry For Your Loss is quite a change from my usual reads but I was strangely drawn to Kates story, fascinated by what would draw someone towards her job. After working in a coroner’s office and cleaning up after hoarders (a job far more difficult and frustrating than you would imagine and a job I could never do!! I’m a thrower outer!!) Kate decides her life needs some change in it and apply a for a job in Bereavement Services in an NHS hospital somewhere in the Manchester area. Now I’ve often seen signs for Bereavement Services in my local hospital but I had thought (wrongly as it happens) that it was some form of counselling service! But Kate explains in great detail that it is in fact where bodies go after they have passed away so that families can view them before they go off to the undertaker. That is obviously my simple way of explaining it but Kate gives far more of an insight into what she does and some of it may surprise or even shock you!
Although it’s difficult to read Sorry For Your Loss without reading some very detailed descriptions of the deceased, at no point does it feel disrespectful or voyeuristic. As with any job you come into contact with a variety of people and situations can vary between heartbreakingly sad and hilariously funny and nothing is too small or too horrific to be shared. From suicides to Covid and from old age to babies, Kate has had to deal with them all in her calm, firm manner and it made me hope that there is a “Kate” in every hospital mortuary! Especially when you realise that there are some very VERY strange people out there who would like her job!
This wasn’t anywhere near as uncomfortable or distressing as I expected it to be and that is down to the way in which Kate handles herself. She goes above and beyond in her role whilst still maintaining her professionalism and showing such empathy throughout. Her attitude towards death is very matter of fact even though she has also gone through her own losses and I felt a sense of peace especially as I read towards the final few pages. Sorry for your Loss is ultimately an uplifting and insightful look at a job very few of us could carry out ourselves so I am thankful that Kate and others like her are there for us in our hour of need-whichever side of that mortuary door we are on.
Although it’s difficult to read Sorry For Your Loss without reading some very detailed descriptions of the deceased, at no point does it feel disrespectful or voyeuristic. As with any job you come into contact with a variety of people and situations can vary between heartbreakingly sad and hilariously funny and nothing is too small or too horrific to be shared. From suicides to Covid and from old age to babies, Kate has had to deal with them all in her calm, firm manner and it made me hope that there is a “Kate” in every hospital mortuary! Especially when you realise that there are some very VERY strange people out there who would like her job!
This wasn’t anywhere near as uncomfortable or distressing as I expected it to be and that is down to the way in which Kate handles herself. She goes above and beyond in her role whilst still maintaining her professionalism and showing such empathy throughout. Her attitude towards death is very matter of fact even though she has also gone through her own losses and I felt a sense of peace especially as I read towards the final few pages. Sorry for your Loss is ultimately an uplifting and insightful look at a job very few of us could carry out ourselves so I am thankful that Kate and others like her are there for us in our hour of need-whichever side of that mortuary door we are on.
December 2, 2024
Interesting but repetitive
April 14, 2022
This was such an emotive read for me in many ways that I wont go into now but it was a beautifully written memoir and I can honestly say that I hadn't given much thought to the staff in hospital that have to care for patients after they have passed but now I certainly will. I think that this is a job that only certain people could do with such a high level of care compassion and sensitivity and that is palpable on the pages of this book. I cried and i felt heartwarmed. An amazing read.
April 11, 2022
Kate Marshall’s memoir was never going to be a easy going read but wow is it a compulsive page turner! Once I started reading it, I couldn’t put it down.
It’s a rare glimpse into the unseen world of the hospital mortuary told through anecdotes about the “clients” Kate saw during the course of her work. There are a variety of cases covered and they were shocking, uplifting, poignant and grim at different terms. Its a little repetitive in places but I certain learnt a lot from reading the book. It’s a fascinating study of the spectrum of human emotion and behaviour when it comes to death. Definitely worth a read!
It’s a rare glimpse into the unseen world of the hospital mortuary told through anecdotes about the “clients” Kate saw during the course of her work. There are a variety of cases covered and they were shocking, uplifting, poignant and grim at different terms. Its a little repetitive in places but I certain learnt a lot from reading the book. It’s a fascinating study of the spectrum of human emotion and behaviour when it comes to death. Definitely worth a read!
June 19, 2022
I picked up this book as I lost my mum this year and still find it hard without her every day.
This memoir was beautifully and sympathetically written by by Kate who works in a hospital mortuary. She is surrounded by the effects of death every day and her insight and experiences resounded with me.
Dying is part of life but it still affects the family involved deeply and this is explored with a great deal of love and compassion.
Covid robbed many families of the things which help their grief. I feel privileged as I had time to spend with my loved one.
The reluctance of society to deal with death is something which needs to be addressed and I feel this book opened up this difficult issue.
Overall the need to spend more time with our loved ones and not to sweat the small stuff was something I took from the book and a lesson I have learned as well. The process of grieving is unique to everyone and how each person deals with it is beautifully portrayed
This memoir was beautifully and sympathetically written by by Kate who works in a hospital mortuary. She is surrounded by the effects of death every day and her insight and experiences resounded with me.
Dying is part of life but it still affects the family involved deeply and this is explored with a great deal of love and compassion.
Covid robbed many families of the things which help their grief. I feel privileged as I had time to spend with my loved one.
The reluctance of society to deal with death is something which needs to be addressed and I feel this book opened up this difficult issue.
Overall the need to spend more time with our loved ones and not to sweat the small stuff was something I took from the book and a lesson I have learned as well. The process of grieving is unique to everyone and how each person deals with it is beautifully portrayed
May 3, 2022
Thanks to Netgalley for providing me with an e-arc in exchange for a honest review.
I love reading about this topic, it's not something you hear a lot about. The writing was easy to get into and I loved reading about all these different experiences with the dead.
Really enjoyed reading this book and I would definitely recommend this if this is something you are interested in.
I also recommend this for people who work in healthcare, it seems like a lot of people forget this is part of the system too and it's really underrated. It really warmed my heart how much care is taken of the dead and their family.
I love reading about this topic, it's not something you hear a lot about. The writing was easy to get into and I loved reading about all these different experiences with the dead.
Really enjoyed reading this book and I would definitely recommend this if this is something you are interested in.
I also recommend this for people who work in healthcare, it seems like a lot of people forget this is part of the system too and it's really underrated. It really warmed my heart how much care is taken of the dead and their family.
October 2, 2024
This was so interesting! A tell all book by an NHS worker who has spent most of her life working in the bereavement service. She details cases she has seen, how things work behind the scene in a hospital mortuary and emphasises just how short life is!
May 15, 2022
Content warnings: death of people of all ages, grief, Covid, mention of post-mortem, body horror, terminal illness, miscarriage, stillbirth
In this book the reader is taken on a journey through a year of the author working in a major hospitals mortuary. During the course of this book, Marshall weaves interesting stories about people that have died and those who grieve them with an over-arching message about living life not fearing death.
This book definitely left me sobbing multiple times - I was especially not expecting the stories about miscarriages and babies who have died - but there are also quite a number of funny anecdotes. Every single story is told with the utmost respect and there is definitely a feeling of celebrating and remembering those who have died.
This is definitely the kind of book that you need to be in a good headspace to read but the author and their ghost-writer are clearly excellent story tellers which is definitely needed in the kind of book that this is.
In this book the reader is taken on a journey through a year of the author working in a major hospitals mortuary. During the course of this book, Marshall weaves interesting stories about people that have died and those who grieve them with an over-arching message about living life not fearing death.
This book definitely left me sobbing multiple times - I was especially not expecting the stories about miscarriages and babies who have died - but there are also quite a number of funny anecdotes. Every single story is told with the utmost respect and there is definitely a feeling of celebrating and remembering those who have died.
This is definitely the kind of book that you need to be in a good headspace to read but the author and their ghost-writer are clearly excellent story tellers which is definitely needed in the kind of book that this is.
April 12, 2022
‘Sorry for your Loss’ tells the story of Kate Marshall, who has spent the last year working at a mortuary. It recounts her experiences, particularly memorable patients and how the COVID-19 pandemic changed her job, and her perspective on it, forever.
I tend to engage with a lot of medical media (both fiction and non-fiction) and I think this was perfectly done. It is handled with the exact amount of sensitivity that respects the deceased & their loved ones whilst equally making for a compelling read.
I appreciate that the sections on the COVID-19 pandemic did not come until the end of the book; it allowed for readers to truly compare the before and after - and realising just what a loss these people faced by not being able to say goodbye to those they loved.
Kate, and all other medical professionals who worked tirelessly during the pandemic knowing they were putting themselves at risk, are heroes - and this book was incredible.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC in exchanged for an unbiased review xo
I tend to engage with a lot of medical media (both fiction and non-fiction) and I think this was perfectly done. It is handled with the exact amount of sensitivity that respects the deceased & their loved ones whilst equally making for a compelling read.
I appreciate that the sections on the COVID-19 pandemic did not come until the end of the book; it allowed for readers to truly compare the before and after - and realising just what a loss these people faced by not being able to say goodbye to those they loved.
Kate, and all other medical professionals who worked tirelessly during the pandemic knowing they were putting themselves at risk, are heroes - and this book was incredible.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC in exchanged for an unbiased review xo
April 24, 2022
In Sorry for Your Loss, Kate Marshall recounts her experiences of her career and shares stories that range from heartbreaking to laughable to downright obnoxious. I would like to think that grief brings people together, but really it just shows everyone what a person’s truly like, and Kate’s recollections prove this to be true. Regardless of the actions of the people she worked with, though, Kate always maintained her professionalism, and the respect she and the other mortuary workers showed towards their ‘patients’ is truly admirable. I also enjoyed learning about the differences in the death process between the UK and the USA.
All in all, Sorry for Your Loss provides a respectful, honest, and interesting look at the work performed in a hospital mortuary. Additionally, Kate shares her thoughts about how death is viewed in most modern-day societies, and her observations are sure to make readers consider their own views on the topic.
All in all, Sorry for Your Loss provides a respectful, honest, and interesting look at the work performed in a hospital mortuary. Additionally, Kate shares her thoughts about how death is viewed in most modern-day societies, and her observations are sure to make readers consider their own views on the topic.
April 27, 2023
This book was beautifully written. The author tackles the tough subject of how to live when dealing with death. She tells her stories of different families who handled the deaths of their loved ones in different ways. The author even goes on to talk about how we, as the reader, can prepare to say good-bye to those we love as well.
There were only a handful of times where I wondered if the author got off her point because she was so into telling her stories, but by the end she'd gotten back to her original intent.
I loved how comforting her thoughts on the subject of death was, though. It made me remember that death is an inescapable part of life and we have to grieve to move on. We have to take it into consideration and say good-bye for closure.
I respect how this topic was handled and I think it would be good for anyone to read.
There were only a handful of times where I wondered if the author got off her point because she was so into telling her stories, but by the end she'd gotten back to her original intent.
I loved how comforting her thoughts on the subject of death was, though. It made me remember that death is an inescapable part of life and we have to grieve to move on. We have to take it into consideration and say good-bye for closure.
I respect how this topic was handled and I think it would be good for anyone to read.
June 13, 2023
Another book aiming to give a personal insight into working in an unusual or demanding field that seem to be prevalent at the moment. This one set in a hospital mortuary.
This one I found interesting rather than enthralling and there were certainly times when it felt that the anecdotes were becoming repetitive. I also felt the author tried too hard to emphasise her ultra compassion at every opportunity.
Having said that it did give a feel to what the job was like particularly the extent of the “hands on” duties which surprised me and the interaction with relatives, mostly good but also extremely bad on occasion. Worth a read.
This one I found interesting rather than enthralling and there were certainly times when it felt that the anecdotes were becoming repetitive. I also felt the author tried too hard to emphasise her ultra compassion at every opportunity.
Having said that it did give a feel to what the job was like particularly the extent of the “hands on” duties which surprised me and the interaction with relatives, mostly good but also extremely bad on occasion. Worth a read.
May 31, 2022
Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC!
The stories woven into "Sorry for Your Loss" are tragic, yet beautiful. I think I would have rated this higher had I read it at a different time in my life. Experiencing loss and dealing with grief = the most difficult circumstance in the human experience. Kate Marshall does a great job describing her work, but she also takes care in how she presents each life story, each human she encounters... right from the beginning in her work as a cleaning specialist. Pick this up if you're in the healthcare industry, a therapist, or even someone simply interested in working closely with humans experiencing loss.
Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC!
The stories woven into "Sorry for Your Loss" are tragic, yet beautiful. I think I would have rated this higher had I read it at a different time in my life. Experiencing loss and dealing with grief = the most difficult circumstance in the human experience. Kate Marshall does a great job describing her work, but she also takes care in how she presents each life story, each human she encounters... right from the beginning in her work as a cleaning specialist. Pick this up if you're in the healthcare industry, a therapist, or even someone simply interested in working closely with humans experiencing loss.
April 22, 2022
Every hospital / mortuary needs a Kate working for them. The warmth of this woman shines through this book. She treats everyone with dignity and care.
Kate talks us through her work as a bereavement Officer. From dealing with the deceased to their loved ones. There is even a little humour in the story. However, this is handled in a dignified way.
The heartbreaking stories are the ones with the babies. Kates compassion shines through.
The author also tackles the Covid issue. How with all the regulations in place she and others were unable to give the service they wanted and the deceased should get.
Thank you for opening my eyes to the job that countless unsung hero’s do.
Many thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the opportunity to see an ARC.
Kate talks us through her work as a bereavement Officer. From dealing with the deceased to their loved ones. There is even a little humour in the story. However, this is handled in a dignified way.
The heartbreaking stories are the ones with the babies. Kates compassion shines through.
The author also tackles the Covid issue. How with all the regulations in place she and others were unable to give the service they wanted and the deceased should get.
Thank you for opening my eyes to the job that countless unsung hero’s do.
Many thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the opportunity to see an ARC.
April 25, 2022
Kate has a very funny yet very respectful way of dealing with death and the final moments a family gets to see their loved ones. I really enjoyed this book for its honestly, vulnerability, but also ability to make you laugh when you thinking about death. Very easy read. The only think that annoyed me was the typical format of the book because this is an advanced copy but it didn't hold me back from reflecting on final moments with loved ones and creating memories that last
June 30, 2023
What a fantastic insight into what goes on in a hospital mortuary. So little is known what goes on behind the scenes when someone dies in hospital so it’s so interesting to get a glimpse of this. The author seems like a very genuine caring person and I want to thank her for all her incredible work she and her team do.
April 13, 2022
Sorry For your Loss by Kate Marshall
A very interesting read by Kate who works in a hospital in the mortuary dept. I was touched by her stories which showed great respect for our dearly departed ( or in her more amusing antidotes , the not so dear !)
She tells us what's it's like to work in an industry that the majority of us never give a minutes thought to .
It covers her career from before working there right up and including the covid pandemic.
From babies yet unborn to those aged over 100 , Kate and her colleagues treated those in their care with the love we would bestow on them ourselves.
A very interesting read by Kate who works in a hospital in the mortuary dept. I was touched by her stories which showed great respect for our dearly departed ( or in her more amusing antidotes , the not so dear !)
She tells us what's it's like to work in an industry that the majority of us never give a minutes thought to .
It covers her career from before working there right up and including the covid pandemic.
From babies yet unborn to those aged over 100 , Kate and her colleagues treated those in their care with the love we would bestow on them ourselves.
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