Army of Lovers

by K.M. Soehnlein

Lambda Literary Award-winner K.M. Soehnlein's Army of Lovers follows a young gay man swept up in the excitement, fury, and poignancy of the AIDS activist group ACT UP. Arriving in New York City full of idealism, Paul discovers the queer community gathering strength in the face of government inaction and social stigma. As he protests, parties, and makes a new home, he finds himself pulling away from his HIV-negative boyfriend to pursue an intense bond with a passionate, HIV-positive artist. Paul’s awakening parallels ACT UP’s rise, successes, and controversies. And then everything shifts again, as his family is thrust into their own life-and-death struggle that tests him even further. Born out of the author’s activism inside the vibrant queer community of the ’80s and ’90s, Army of Lovers blends history and fiction into an exploration of memory, community, love, and justice.

Genres: Queer, Fiction, Historical Fiction, LGBT, Contemporary, Gay, Queer Lit

300 pages, Unknown Binding

Published October 11, 2022

About the author

K.M. Soehnlein's next novel, ARMY OF LOVERS, will be published on October 11, 2022 by Amble Press.

Advanced Praise for ARMY OF LOVERS:

"Soehnlein delivers a sprawling portrait of our darkest days, capturing all the anger and heartbreak and heroic love that forged who we are today. If you want to know how it felt, read this.”
—Armistead Maupin, author of TALES OF THE CITY

“Just when a moment in history is about to be forgotten, an author comes along to capture its passions and struggles and hope. Soehnlein has performed that magic for readers here. ARMY OF LOVERS will become essential reading for years to come. Read it now; be moved, enraptured, emboldened, and reminded what it was like to be young at a turning point in history.”
—Andrew Sean Greer, Pulitzer Prize winning author of LESS IS LOST

K.M. Soehnlein is the author of THE WORLD OF NORMAL BOYS, winner of the Lambda Award for Gay Men's Fiction; its sequel, ROBIN AND RUBY, an Indie Next Bookstore Selection; and YOU CAN SAY YOU KNEW ME WHEN, praised by The L.A. Times as "a dense, enjoyable read, like one of those famed Beat road trips: pedal to the metal until the next inspired digression."

He is the recipient of the Henfield Prize for short fiction and an SFFILM/Rainin Foundation Grant for screenwriting. His play, OUT OF SITE: SOMA, co-written with Seth Eisen, was performed on the streets of San Francisco and over Zoom in 2019 and 2020.

His stories and essays have appeared in the anthologies WHO'S YER DADDY?: GAY WRITERS CELEBRATE THEIR MENTORS AND FORERUNNERS, which received a Lambda Award; GIRLS WHO LIKE BOYS WHO LIKE BOYS; BOYS TO MEN: GAY MEN WRITE ABOUT GROWING UP; LOVE, CASTRO STREET; and BOOKMARK NOW. His journalism has appeared in Queerty, San Francisco Chronicle, Out, The Village Voice, San Francisco Magazine, 7x7, and more.

Raised in New Jersey, K.M. Soehnlein now lives in San Francisco, where he teaches at the University of San Francisco and enjoys life with his husband, Kevin Clarke.

Reviews

[Sarah Schulman]

Before I get into this book- for historians: This contains the most detailed account of the founding of QUEER NATION available.

Now, I have no idea how ARMY OF LOVERS reads to someone who was not in ACT UP, but for me it was riveting and moving.

When Jim Hubbard and I started interviewing ACT UP survivors in 2001, we immediately realized that the one thing we all had in common was that almost everyone (including us) thought that what they and their friends did was ACT UP. Perhaps because this was all pre-internet, the only information each person had was what they themselves did and said and what other people told them directly.

After we finished interviewing 18 years and 188 people later, we were able to construct a broad outline of the many aspects of the ACT UP coalition, and try to draw their connections.

But, when you ask anyone who was there, you will always get a personal story that involves about 10-20 intimately remembered individuals against a backdrop of about fifty more names and faces and then a few hundred more unindividuated masses.

For this reason, the novels and memoirs are all subjective and partial, and even my large history is ultimately partial and could have been three times as long, especially if Jim and I had interviewed an additional 200 people, who were and are there to be interviewed.

Now of course, many books about AIDS and ACT UP were written at the time or after by members of ACT UP, New York including Douglas Crimp, Alexandra Juhasz, Adam Rolston, Gregg Bordowitz, Larry Kramer, Anne-christine D'Adesky, Emily Bass, novels by me, David Feinberg, John Weir, Michael Cunningham, David Leavitt etc etc etc and many more including BREAKING THE WALL OF SILENCE:Aids and Women in a New York State Maximum Security Prison by the women of ACE, and WOMEN, AIDS and ACTIVISM by the women of ACT UP.

But, the main recent books that are historical and written with long retrospect so far by ACT UP, New York members explicitly about the experience of being in the group are: memoirs by Peter Staley, Avram Finkelstein and Ron Goldberg, this novel by Karl, Jim's film UNITED IN ANGER, and my history book- and they are are all partial. I know that a few more are in process: books by Deb Levine (academic) Dudley Saunders (novel) and by Garance Franke-Ruta (I think nonfiction.) There is the heavily coded AMERICAN PEOPLE by Larry Kramer, and an unpublished manuscript by Mark Harrington and there are also books by people who were not in ACT UP,NY, and books by people who were not in any chapter of ACT UP and those are two different conversations.

So, now for Karl's novel. Of the six recently published works about being in the organization by people from ACT UP, NY (Peter, Ron, me, Avram, Jim, Karl) I think Karl's comes the closest to conveying what the day to day experience of living in the ACT UP whirl was like, for young men like himself and in part for the women who were close to them. There were other kinds of men and women in ACT UP and around ACT UP, but this is a very common experience track: young white man living in the East Village, dealing with homophobia, family, discovering himself sexually and relationally with other men who were both HIV negative and positive, and with AIDS, and sick and well, creating a movement, facing illness, death and the accompanying injustice, processing this all emotionally and intellectually, and trying to create solutions- some of which were dangerous and some of which were alienating from the rest of the world, and yet, in different ways changed that world.

Karl was a rank and file member, and an elected facilitator (you can see footage of him running a meeting with Maria Maggenti in Jim's film UNITED IN ANGER.) He was not in the science side of things. He basically grew up in ACT UP and I think his novel successfully conveys this experience. I found it very familiar, moving, and brought back many memories. Although it is officially a novel, it really is a very helpful historical document to convey to younger people what that time and experience were like. I can tell how hard it was to create this, he really strives to accurately depict the perspectives of people he was in conflict with. I really appreciated and enjoyed the experience of reading this work. Bravo Karl.

[Jesse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just tremendous. Captures moments, situations & figures that we now think of as Queer History but relates them with an intimacy that can only come from the eyes of a firsthand observer; a specific coming of age story, it's also ultimately a beautiful portrait of a whole community & a specific moment in time.

For those of us who did not experience the AIDS crisis of the 1980s & 90s firsthand the disease inevitably casts a long, cold shadow over our understanding of that period of time; it’s difficult to not picture it as a literally dark time of unrelenting, immutable despair. And yes, of course that was a major aspect of life that is so movingly depicted here, but what is so just masterfully handled is how it captures how all other aspects of life were intertwined with it too: desire & lust & humor & curiosity & creative ingenuity &, yes, lots of joy & even optimism too. Really for the first time I feel like I have a sense of the mechanics & texture of everyday life beyond the Important Events recounted in historical accounts & documentaries that had previously constituted my knowledge of this era. Even just the casual descriptions of how hookups functioned was quietly revelatory—& there are so many moments like that throughout the book.

I think this is an important book & I swear it’s not just because I’m biased. I’m lucky to count K as a personal friend, & honored that he has asked me to host a conversation with him at the book’s upcoming launch in San Francisco in October 2022. I’m really, really excited for this novel to be out in the world soon.

[I. Merey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so heartbreakingly good. Not just a wonderful documentation of ACT UP AIDS advocacy, but a beautiful love story following a young activist and an activist/artist friend, who becomes his partner. I read this in like, two sittings. It was quite impossible to put down.

[Gregory · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly researched, beautifully written and essentially, well, essential. Never forget.

[Alvin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Army of Lovers seamlessly melds a beautifully-told coming-of-age story with the drama surrounding the birth of ACT-UP and Queer Nation. Soehnlein takes care to present events with historical accuracy, but also captures the subjective side of things, detailing the activists desperation, idealism, wit, and grit. It's an inspiring as well as a tragic story, and one I can't recommend highly enough.

[Yannis Porfyropoulos · Rating 5 out of 5]

ανήκω στη γενιά που μεγαλώσαμε με τη σκιά του AIDS πάνω από το κεφάλι μας και μέσα στις καρδιές μας. με τον φόβο πως όχι μόνο είναι κακό να είμαι ο εαυτός μου, αλλά και πως αν είμαι ο εαυτός μου αυτό θα μου βγει μονάχα σε κακό.

όταν έκανα το coming out μου, τα πρώτα λόγια της μάνας μου ήταν «θα πεθάνεις μόνος σου, Γιάννη». λόγια γεμάτα από φόβο και οργή, που πλέον δεν με ακουμπούν με την ίδια βαρύτητα.

μεγάλωσα και μεγαλώνω, έμαθα και μαθαίνω, έπαθα και παθαίνω. ζω.

και στην ερώτηση “how do you identify?”, πλέον απαντώ με όλη μου την καρδιά και με το πιο μεγάλο χαμόγελο “i’m just a faggot”.

φίλε μου Karl, σε ευχαριστώ.

[Aaron Hamburger · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read, one of the most moving, funny, vivid, lively novels I've read in quite some time, capturing New York during the ACT-UP years. There's a fierce energy to the voice and the story that animates it from beginning to end, and I defy you not to cry in the book's climactic scenes. One of the things I love about it, besides the authenticity on every page, is that while it touches on tragic events, the writing is never mournful. It's a celebration of life's messiness and the courage to fight however impossibly for what its heroes believe is right. Go read this book right now.

[Daniel Sheen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MASTERPIECE ✨️

This is now the third book I've read by this author in the last month. It's his latest, from 2022, and it's an absolute masterpiece. A sprawling slice of life epic from the inner workings of the AIDs crises in New York in the late 80s and early 90s. This is the story of how ACT UP and Queer Nation came into being, and if this wasn't marketed as fiction, I would have read it as memoir. Although I have a feeling that a lot of it is true, for in the credits, this author is listed as one of the first facilitators in ACT UP and one of the co-founders of Queer Nation. But honestly, you can smell and touch the air of that time. You can taste the fear, the hatred, the anger, but also the love, the resilience, the middle finger raised to an entire world that didn't care. There is a vast ensemble cast of diverse and hilarious characters, and as usual, the whole book reads like a dream, the writing effortless, the plotting fantastic. I've read at least 7 or 8 books about the AIDs crises over the last 2 years, but if you were only to read one, I'd recommend this one. This gets to the heart of the matter, the activism, the rage, the absolute horror of one person dying every 8 minutes from a disease that tears you apart from the inside out as your own government stands by doing absolutely nothing. But it also covers the love, the joy, the laughter, the brotherhood, the immense army of connections that this disease forced on this one particular section of society. What a terrible time to be alive. But also, what an incredible thing, to have that sort of deep, meaningful, primal connection to so many other wonderful humans, primarily because no one had a fucking smart phone in their pocket. This was the last gasp of the analogue age, before we became infected with our code and our screens. But this is also the story of our shared heritage, as queers, and I think this was the book this author was always meant to write. It really is a masterpiece.

[Matthew Davison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Karl’s gorgeous novel held me. I read it slowly, and as I got caught up in Paul’s story and the beauty of the writing and descriptions of place, I felt as though I gained so much compassion for all of my peers and myself for having lived through a time of such hatred and loss. Paul’s story shows that we did so with no small amount of sex, love, friendship, humor and fury.

While I read Army of Lovers I kept being inspired to recall what Richard Pevear said in his introduction to his translation of The Brothers Karamazov: “The Brothers K. is a joyful book. Readers who know what it is about may find this an intolerably whimsical statement. It does have moments of joy, but they are only moments; the rest is greed, lust, squalor, unredeemed suffering, and sometimes terrifying darkness. But the book is joyful in another sense: in its energy and curiosity, in its formal inventiveness, in the mastery of its writing. And therefore, finally, in its vision.”

[Michael Gabrielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

“‘Of course,’ I nod. ‘I’m your emergency contact.’”
Oof this book made me cry multiple times. An extremely moving story, forcing lot of reflection during and after reading. The fiction/memoir nature of the story led to some parts really reading like a novel and some parts feeling more like a recounting of memories. Overall loved this book—it is heartbreaking, tender, passionate, angry, and full of so much care. Grateful and lucky to be able to read this story.

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

With his unique personal perspective, K.M. Soehnlein has created a beautiful work of fiction that includes some very real events. The ACT UP alumnus and co-founder of Queer Nation tells of his days in New York City with the AIDS activist group through the eyes of Paul, his narrator. Various romances, struggles and friendships are told in crisp prose with poetic detail. From the Wall Street protests to actions with police violence, Soehnlein narrates a familiar story for myself, since I was there for many of these events.

This is a beautiful departure from –and a compliment to– the numerous memoirs by other notable ACT UP alumni. But it's also a family tale in which Paul shares his past from a contemporary point of view. The loss of comrades to AIDS is combined with a family tragedy in a touching manner. Paul isn’t afraid to reveal his vulnerabilities and sometimes wrongheaded decisions as a young man.

East Village life, Wigstock, open relationships and a few famous parties are included with dramatically told clashes at protests. ‘Army of Lovers’ stands out as one of the new great AIDS-themed works in literary fiction.

[Don Shewey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Karl Soehnlein’s ACT UP novel brings it all back: the exhilaration of self-discovery through activism and community in the face of homophobia, governmental indifference, and the constant drumbeat of death. Identities of some characters thinly disguised, but I was there for numerous of the public actions described and recognize both the people and the vibe. I was a little older but still susceptible to the romance, the flirtations, the outrage, the impulsiveness, the sheer insanity of that time.

[Grady · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘Call it hope, which is stronger than hurt’ - A very powerful novel

California author K.M. Soehnlein continues to stand in the spotlight of brilliant contemporary authors who seamlessly blend historical information with eloquent stories about the LGBTQ community that become classics upon release! His novel THE WORLD OF NORMAL BOYS won the Lambda Literary Award, and his subsequent novels - ROBIN AND RUBY and YOU CAN SAY YOU KNEW ME WHEN - garnered large receptive audiences. While continuing to teach creative writing at the University of San Francisco, he now offers ARMY OF LOVERS, and most assuredly more awards will come!

Soehnlein knows well the core of the activist ACT UP and Queer Nation response to the dark cloud of AIDS, having served as an activist responder in the 1980s and 90s. With that innate knowledge and experience he has molded a novel that documents reality, yet also spins a story so rich in compassion and love and the demands for justice that the reader is transported to that period – with, hopefully, concomitant understanding and empathy.

The provided summary on the book’s back cover suggests the content – ‘Arriving in New York City full of idealism, Paul discovers the queer community gathering strength in the face of government inaction and social stigma. As he protests, parties, and makes a new home, he finds himself pulling away from his HIV-negative boyfriend to pursue an intense bond with a passionate, HIV-positive artist. Paul’s awakening parallels ACT UP’s rise, successes, and controversies. And then everything shifts again, as his family is thrust into their own life-and-death struggle that tests him even further.’

If there were more than 5 stars to rate this book I would go to the maximum number. This is a brilliant book by an enormously gifted author who factually and realistically documented the still unresolved ‘pandemic’ of HIV and the ACT UP response movement better than almost anyone writing today. Yes, this book deals with gay issues (very well) and that can only be another reason for everyone to read it. Highly recommended!
I voluntarily reviewed an ARC of this book

[Jennie · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of my favourites of the year so far. I had limited knowledge of the AIDS epidemic in the 80s and this book opened my eyes.

The authors use of descriptions and raw emotion hit you unlike any author I've read before.

Highly recommended

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Soehnlein has written several books about queer culture, and this may be his most moving one so far.

Written as a fictional autobiography, he presents the protagonist Paul living in the East Village during the 80s and most virulent time of the AIDS crisis. Paul becomes active in ACT UP, and describes the lives of those deeply involved in the group, as well as political protest and gay rights.

His relationships are emotionally exhilarating and devastating, as he meets and breaks up with various men who become important to him, and some who subsequently die.

The characters are intriguing, as well as his interactions with his parents and sisters.

A superb addition to the genre and a truthful, unflinching look into the period of time when AIDS meant death and a community came together to make that change in spite of fear.

Thanks to Edelweiss Plus for the eARC.

[Andrew Peters]

Army of Lovers is an evocative title that might first bring to mind the tantalizing story of the Sacred Band of Thebes with its pairs of battle-hardened warriors in thigh-length kilts. K.M. Soehnlein’s latest novel is a much more recent work of historical fiction, but that title works well for his memoirish account of AIDS activism in New York City in the late 80s and early 90s. It also brings to mind the Swedish pop group of the same name whose campy hits were playing in gay bars far and wide at the time. Soehnlein’s principal reference is the men and women who fought against AIDS apathy and hatred side-by-side, as friends, lovers and caretakers at the height of the pandemic.

Read the rest of my review at Out in Print.

[Orlando Ortega-Medina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so good, I have no words...

[Edward Cahill · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gorgeous, humane, knife-sharp novel that offers a luminous vision of the AIDS epidemic in NYC and the fierce people who faced it head-on. Spellbinding!

[That One Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A rare coming of age story that offers a glimpse at what it is like growing up a gay man in NY, during the height of the AIDS crisis. We are taken on this journey through our Protagonists growth in activism, and shown all the various layers of what that meant, and how it shaped an entire generation of gay men.
There is a line near the end of the novel, when Paul is trying to cope with death, and he recalls that he and his friends are only 25 years old, having to face constant death, and having to fight and protest, and make end of life decisions, and that, this has been their whole adult existence. It's heartbreaking to think that these young gay men, and everyone else affected by the AIDS crisis, had to not only navigate the world of coming of age with all its ups and downs of relationships, family struggles, money struggles, but also now had to navigate dying friends, an uncaring world and a rise in homophobia. I think that Soehnlein was able to capture all the nuance and inner turmoil and emotions wrapped up in all of this, brilliantly.
Here, Soehnlein captures not only the sadness of AIDS, but also, the joy of bonds made through the crisis. From that first moment we are Harmony Moor's birthday and those cakes fly out the window, we are wrapped up in this world of gay men and women all connected by this horrible disease that is devestating a generation. How these people bond and form life-long friendships and intertwined relationships that grow and develop. The beauty of all of this is captured in the pages of the novel, in a way that often offers a joyous reprieve from the anger and sadness of the activism that is ever present throughout the entire novel.
There are a few books now that offer an insight into ACT UP, and AIDS activism, and I think Soehnlein does a good job of bringing the reader in to those meetings, and helps the reader feel the energy, often times chaotic, but always passionate of the times. We are swept away in the euphoria of the battle cries, and the marches and the protests.
Above all else, though, for me, what really worked, and what really captured me, was how well Soehnlein was able to articulate the inner thoughts of someone who was not HIV+, during a time when so many men were. This felt rare, as many books that are about the crisis focus so much, or are written by those who were infected. In this novel, we get a rare glimpse into the mind of someone fighting in the war, but having to grapple many of the battles from an outside perspective. Paul's thoughts and feelings range throughout the book to having a fantasy of getting the virus, lamenting later on wanting so badly to experience sex that isn't safe or timid, gaining a hero mentality of wanting to help and save his friends, and so much more. He grapples with emotions that are not always discussed when talking about the AIDS crisis, and I really connected with this as a reader. While we so often talk about everyone who got and died from the virus, it is not often we talk about the other people during that time that survived. What was it like for them watching their friends and family die, and what was it like taking care of their friends and family as they died? Here, Soehnlein offers us a glimpse into those questions.
I truly loved this novel, and I think that it does a wonderful job of balancing all the elements that make its whole. I felt joy and and happiness at the friendships and the picture of queer chosen family that is displayed on the pages. I felt excited and giddy about the love story at the books core. I felt angry and galvanized by the activism throughout the novel, and I felt sad and defeated by the death and loss that is inevitably at the heart of any story that centers on the AIDS crisis.
This is a deeply personal and beautifully written book that offers us yet another glimpse into a world of tragedy and the people who lived through it. One of the best novels I've read this year.

[Dieter Moitzi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been provided for free by the publisher. The review below has also been published on Rainbow Book Reviews.

AIDS is a political illness, and the HIV virus a political one. Forty years ago when both appeared for the first time, our Western societies were lulling themselves in the glorious but erroneous self-belief that we were modern, scientific, free of superstitions, forward-thinking. That image of ourselves was shattered to pieces when the first cases of what was called the “gay cancer” back then were diagnosed and when the first victims started to die. A veil was lifted, and what we saw was not a pretty picture. In fact, we had evolved only little from what we had been in the Middle Ages and the times of the Black Death. Public health issues were once again linked with questions of morality and religion—always a pernicious path to take. Politicians turned out as feeble and short-sighted as ever, and the silent majority exposed themselves as what they are: followers who prefer to pray they won’t be affected rather than act and react or at least demand decisive actions.

Some people stood up back then, though. Shouted out. Took the public by the shoulders, screamed, hollered, chained themselves to fences, lay down on streets, rattled consciences, refused to remain silent and look the other way. Among the loudest and most visible were the women and men fighting with and for Act Up. Those were guys who, pardon my French, showed more cojones than most public administrations. And this amazing, wonderful, powerful book—one of the best I read this year—tells their story from within. Not in essay form, not as a historical overview, not as an autobiographical eyewitness account, but as a chiselled, heart-wrenching novel. I was drawn in from the get-go, mesmerized, rushing through it in no time, and my recommendation is entire, unapologetic, and sincere.

The main character, Paul, is a New Jersian in his early twenties living in New York with his boyfriend Derek. It’s the dying 80s (gruesome pun intented). During a public meeting with main speaker Larry Kramer, which they attend with their best friend Amanda, they decide to join a newly founded activist organization called Act Up. They participate in several happenings. During one that takes place in Albany, Paul meets Zack, a passionate black artist who immediately attracts and fascinates him. They stumble upon each other off and an until it is clear to both that they are in love with each other. Paul and Derek’s relationship being an open one, that doesn’t seem to be a problem at first. But soon, Paul and Derek discover they have both moved on, and they separate. Then Zack finds out he is HIV-positive. He moves to the West Coast thinking he should set his new boyfriend free. Meanwhile, Paul’s mother falls ill—the verdict is cancer. Paul now has to face not only the death looming in his own family, but also his Act Up friends dying one by one.

It’s hard to sum up the novel in a way that does it justice, so I’ll not even try. The rough outline above will have to do, I’m afraid. Let’s talk about the book in other terms, then. I think its immense power lies in the fact that it is so direct, so true, so touching. Thankfully there’s not an ounce of larmoyance to be found in it. The author has succeeded in telling—no, showing the story of a young man back in those days, in a simple, straight tone, steering clear of any false notes, any fake sentiments, anything that might have felt invented. Paul is a vibrant character, full of youth, full of life, full of hopes and dreams, full of rage, too. He parties, he fights, he laughs and loves, he has sex, he has moments of joy and moments that feel as if the world was ending. He finds his raison d’être in the causes Act Up defends and embraces them fully. His relationship with Derek rings so true because it reminds me of who I was myself at that age. A boy, really—we often remain mere boys until we reach our thirties, don’t we, gentlemen?—who experiences his first meaningful story with another man and wants to make it work. They both invent their own rules as they go, fully aware yet at the same time blissfully oblivious that one day that might lead to them parting ways.

The turning point is when Paul realizes his feelings for Zack are becoming stronger while those for Derek fade to friendship. What I also found mesmerizing in its inherent truth was the guilt Paul felt for being an HIV-negative person surrounded by HIV-positive ones. Here again, the main eye-opener is when he finds out Zack has the virus. He starts romanticizing the HIV status, almost hoping he’ll catch the virus, too, almost willing it to happen. A shocking, disturbing, unexplainable piece of truth I haven’t read about very often, but which struck a very sensitive chord in me. Books always have all the more impact, I guess, when they show us some hidden truth about ourselves, and this one certainly did.

‘Army of Lovers’ had me trembling, hoping, despairing, and weeping, too. The finely crafted sentences seemed so easy and frank, the storyline so logical, so unavoidable, so authentic that I wondered all the time if Paul wasn’t the author’s slightly ficionalized alter ego. But then, the book did read like a novel, and I know how difficult it is to tell one’s own story without drifting off into sentimentality, overwhelming side stories, or unimportant details. None of that could be found in this book. It didn’t milk emotionality, but had a very emotional repercussion on me. Even knowing I was as different from Paul as one could get, I was Paul, from start to finish, such was the power of K.M. Soehnlein’s storytelling. This is one of those books I’d urge anybody to read for its historical accurateness, its message, and for the sheer pleasure of being immersed in a potent narrative. To come back full circle to the first lines of this review, let’s not forget that it took scientists a mere six months to find a vaccine against the Covid virus. Fortunately. Because forty years after the first cases were reported, there’s still no vaccine, no cure for the HIV virus. It continues infecting people, killing people, and the same medieval backlash is still no thing of the past… if not in our Western countries, then in many others around the world.

We still need to evolve. And till that happens, there are still fights to be fought. Read the book, weep, then get involved in a cause, any cause making us humans better.

[Gary Pedler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was around while ACT UP was active and remember hearing about it – but this book shows how much I missed! Soehnlein presents the story in first person and present tense, so that you feel it’s unfolding right beneath your feet. The cascade of telling details could only come from someone who has lived this experience, down to it being hard in this period to buy lube in the East Village as opposed to the West, with its gay-owned businesses. Now that we had a test for HIV, did we even want to use it? Was the government compiling a list of those who tested positive? And so on. Brief glimpses among the fictional characters of actual people such as Susan Sarandon, Keith Haring, Vito Russo, and of course Larry Kramer heighten the sense of reality.

I like that this is more than a story of good guys versus bad guys. Here's one passage showing how nuanced the author’s perspective can be: “... for all the bonding and good feeling among these new friends, ours is still a world prone to overheating, emotional discombobulation, even violence. Being gay doesn’t save us from being male.”

Nor does the book focus exclusively on ACT UP and the queer community. In fact, one of the most extended descriptions of illness and hospital stays involves a straight woman, whose situation helps her family understand why the ACT UP people "make demands upon the powers that be.”

I would have liked the doomed romance to start earlier in the book, but that’s just because I’m a doomed romance hog!

Highly recommended!

[Dean · Rating 5 out of 5]

This easily one of my favorite novels of the year by a long shot! I couldn’t put it down.

It is so moving and filled with such a spectrum of emotion for what it was like to live, fight, and support those you love who are dying during some of the darkest years of the HIV/AIDS crisis in the face of government neglect, cultural paranoia, and the ever present homophobia and queerphobia.

I appreciate Soehnlein so deeply for having the courage, patience, and emotional grit to tell his story and the story of his friends and lovers which must have been so painful to face these memories of loss, grief, fear, and bitter anger to allow those who came after bear witness to and attempt to share the load of grief for what he and his generation lived through.

I’m trying to find the right words to capture how deeply this novel and the real experiences of Soehnlein and his friends, lovers, comrades, and rivals in the fight against HIV/AIDS and government neglect that inform this story have had on me as a queer person born after 1996 when effective medication became available for those with access, living in the age of PrEP, PEP, and advancements in HIV treatment that help HIV+ people not just survive but live long and fulfilling lives. I feel immense gratitude knowing that these medical advancements, treatments, and prevention methods, that for so many of us facilitate healthier, safer, and more fulfilling sexual and emotional lives, would not be possible if not for every single person in ACT UP and the broader movement of people with AIDS’s blood, sweat, tears, and lives.

These advancements that facilitate so much of contemporary queer men’s daily lives are not some natural progression or benevolence from science, medical, and government institutions but directly because of the actions and fight waged by the movement of people with AIDS including Soehnlein.

[Max Kennedy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing. On the one hand, it perfectly encapsulated how it felt discovering love, sex and community for the first time in my 20s. On the flip side, I can’t imagine what it must have been like to watch my friends get sick and die so young. But I’m grateful to this book for helping me understand a little bit more. A compelling story that’s both emotionally resonant and historically informative. Please read this book!!!

[Joey Marcacci · Rating 5 out of 5]

Am I Paul irl? Possibly. Did I romanticize that to an irrational level while reading this incredible story? Yes.