Real Life: The Journey from Isolation to Openness and Freedom

by Sharon Salzberg

Merging the insights of inspiring voices with her own understanding of mindfulness, New York Times bestselling author Sharon Salzberg shows us how we can recover from the emotional effects of crisis.

When confronted with pain and obstacles, we often shrink back and contract out of fear and disappointment. That can become a way of life.

In Real Life , Sharon Salzberg lets us know it doesn’t have to be that way.

When we feel alone, cut off, or trapped, we can let those difficulties steer us onto a path toward an authentic, flourishing life―living in a way that allows us to find the wholeness that lies within. Even when we’re alone, a sense of community can accompany us through the stormy times. Our words, hearts, and actions can line up with a larger vision, rather than the smaller views our anxious, fearful thoughts arouse in us.

To live in a less constricted way―with a more spacious, open sense of possibility, creativity, connection, and joy―Salzberg says we need to get real about what’s most important, to ask ourselves, “What do I most deeply yearn for?” “What would I benefit from letting go of?” “What do I believe is possible for me?”

We accomplish the journey to expansive freedom (Real Life) through developing tools like mindful awareness, friendship, and a greater sense of purpose/aspiration. We learn
• take some risks with what we dare to imagine
• take an interest in internal states we might normally try to avoid
• take an interest in people we might normally try to avoid

Real Life is about the journey we make when we decide to live the life that speaks to our innermost longing to live free.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Spirituality, Buddhism, Psychology, Personal Development, Audiobook

208 pages, Hardcover

First published April 11, 2023

About the author

One of America’s leading spiritual teachers and authors, Sharon Salzberg is cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Barre, Massachusetts. She has played a crucial role in bringing Asian meditation practices to the West. The ancient Buddhist practices of vipassana (mindfulness) and metta (lovingkindness) are the foundations of her work.

Reviews

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful, it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life."

The quote above personifies why I love Sharon Salzberg. She does not try to create an alternate reality of what life is. She doesn't feel like someone that's so far away from my life that I couldn't connect to her words. She reminds us that we get to choose how things affect us and we get to choose our spaciousness and the way we look at life. We get to choose to be full of love.

"This is what I’m calling Real Life. Real Life is about what happens when we fully engage with our everyday lives, whatever shape our lives take, whatever challenges and obstacles that life may bring."

Reading Salzberg reminds me that I can be more than I am and that I am perfect just the way I am. It reminds me that I can grow and change and be expansive. She reminds me of the power of love, the power of kindness and of being good-hearted.

“Joy is exactly what’s happening, minus our opinion of it. . . . This is freedom. Love is the ultimate expression of joy and freedom. Joy, freedom, and love could be considered synonyms for each other, and for belonging.”

Joy is my word for 2022 and as I look to 2023 and think about how to be more expansive and more open and free, I know Salzberg's words will guide me as they always do. I loved every moment I spent with this book and I expect I will read it again and again.

with gratitude to netgalley and Flatiron Books for the advanced copy in exchange for an honest review

[liv ❁]

dnf @ 28%

It’s a fine book it just wasn’t resonating/doing much for me, not necessarily because it didn’t align with me, but more because it felt like a book that would’ve been valuable if I was a few steps behind where I am or perhaps on a different path/had a different starting point.

[Collette]

At its core, Real Life by Sharon Salzberg is an invitation to live more expansively. The surrounding layers are anecdotes, insights from experts and tools to help us do so. Salzburg, an expert on Buddhist meditation practices and a world-renowned teacher, is the author of a number of books that live in this realm, aimed at offering Eastern wisdom to a Western culture that is often living in a constricted state.

The idea of constriction and expansion is a Buddist concept. When we are constricted, we let our fears, anxieties, anger, resentment, doubt and sadness rule our day. However Salzberg points out that these are all components of “real life” yet we don’t have to let these negative emotions control our perspective. When we are expansive, or live expansively, we have room to experience both positive and negative emotions and to view them with openness and curiosity rather than restriction and resistance. She shows us ways to feel more expansive, including meditation, gratitude (even when you don’t feel grateful), reflection on the good, and self-respect. She also touches on the concept of community from the perspective of the COVID-19 pandemic and how connection can be a key ingredient in living expansively.

I appreciated Salzberg’s take on “Real Life” and the tools and strategies she provides readers in order to experience freedom over isolation. As someone acquainted with Buddhist philosophy and meditation, I didn’t feel like there was anything new or groundbreaking here, but it serves as a timely reminder/refresher on how to live expansively after the pandemic. It was helpful to have the concepts offered with stories to inspire and strategies to implement.

Thank you to the Netgalley, Flatiron Books and the author for the ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Kari Wagner Hoban · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second book I've read by Sharon Salzberg, the other being Lovingkindess. I enjoy her books because they feel like letters from friends. When I read books like this, I generally take notes, and this one provided me with many useful quotes and lessons. It felt like a big hug from the author, something many of us need need right now. Life isn't always easy, but we don't have to go through it alone. Books like these are a treasure.

[Pedita · Rating 3 out of 5]

A like not love for me. I felt it had lots of references to other work rather than providing a new viewpoint.

[Lizzy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. Easy meditation and mindfulness practices, and Salzberg has a very relatable perspective. Her expertise of these topics show in the detail of her work.

[Ellen Keener · Rating 5 out of 5]

So grateful this book was written and I had the opportunity to read it. Now to put its wisdom into practice 😀

[Kelly Pramberger · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't wait to get into Sharon's latest book. She's full of knowledge and I enjoy the way she presents information based on her other books. Real Life was fantastic and it resonated with me in my post Covid world.

Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC for the purpose of this review. Five stars!

[Julia Bucci · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The word tejas from Pali, the language of the original Buddhist texts, has many meanings. It can mean 'heat' or 'flame' or 'fire' or 'light,' and it also has the sense of 'splendor' and 'radiance' and 'glory.' Tejas is brightness, a potent and alive energy, a strength and power of luminosity. As we uncover it, tejas drives us toward life, openness, and renewal. This light exists nestled within us, innate to our beings, not because we are particularly unique or outstanding, or did something special to deserve it, but simply because we exist. Easily overlooked, often mistrusted, it is there. It is always there.
...As with the hardy plants I discussed earlier, the latent luminosity within can endure neglect, but it can also thrive when it receives care and attention. Left on its own, the light will survive--half hidden, quiescent. Nurtured, the light can blaze forth."

[Gabrielle Jarrett · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found Real Life to be repetitious of Salzberg's previous books. If you are reading her for the first time, you will find it very helpful. She quotes many established Buddhist teachers, but there is not much of her own synthesis. Then again, perhaps three stars is where I am in my Buddhist studies and looking for more.

[Sheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good gems, but otherwise kind of disappointing. The information seemed more of a re- hash to me of concepts she’s otherwise covered or others have. The book didn’t grab me like I had hoped.

[Sam van Ginkel · Rating 2 out of 5]

The style just wasn’t for me-I abandoned it.

[Briann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not well put together. No really developed thoughts. Others’ stories and metaphors were more meaningful than anything the author said. Nothing original.

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice messages. Listened to the book and didn’t love the narration.

[Els · Rating 3 out of 5]

Echt leven. Van eenzaamheid naar openheid en vrijheid. Door: Sharon Salzberg.

Salzberg ken ik van de Insight Timer app; haar stem is mijn favoriete stem, diegene die me het meest kalm krijgt. “It’s just one breath”. Ik hoef de app niet eens te openen om haar stem in mijn hoofd te horen :) Grote fan dus.

Vandaar dat ik dit boek wou lezen, haar eerste voor mij. Echt leven gaat er over dat we alle gevoelens en emoties moeten toelaten, recht in de ogen kijken maar er niet over oordelen. Opdat we ons vrijer zouden voelen, onze innerlijke rivier breder kan gaan stromen. Want door schaamte, schuldgevoel, ontkenning, verdringing,… verkrampen we, krimpt onze rivier en dus ook onze blik, ons gevoel en daardoor ook onze kansen tot een beter leven. Klinkt misschien een beetje zweverig maar is het niet; lees het maar in Salzbergs woorden.

Hoewel dit boek heel boeiend is vond ik het soms wel moeilijk te lezen. Voornamelijk door de vele verwijzingen naar en uitspraken van andere mensen die ze in haar verhaal opneemt. Die extra info vergroot haar kennis en kunde en zodoende ook die van ons maar maakt dat het minder vlot leest. Veel van de aangehaalde mensen zijn geweldig hoor: bell hooks, Audre Lorde en Bruce Springsteen bijvoorbeeld, maar soms werd het me wat te veel.

Ik ga nog wat naar mijn Insight Timer app luisteren om het allemaal een beetje te laten bezinken ;)

[Iona Stewart · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read and reviewed this author’s book “Lovingkindness” and found it wonderful.

As far as the present book is concerned, I cannot really say what it is about, though I can see that the subtitle is “the journey from isolation to openness and freedom”.

There were also short passages or sentences that I had difficulty in comprehending. It is her way of writing I find difficult. I prefer things to be concrete for them to be comprehensible.

Sharon is a Buddhist so the book contains much about this religion.

The Buddha declared that the only status that truly matters is the status of personal goodness and this is attained through personal effort, not by birth.

He said that a true Brahmin is one who is gentle, wise and caring.

In Buddhist teaching, the journey to freedom can be described as:

Moving from craving/endless searching to peace’

Moving from aversion (anger and fear) to compassion

Moving from delusion to vibrancy and connection.

We’re told to practice looking directly at difficult feelings and having equanimity or peace of mind toward them.

We’re told about RAIN,

R is for recognize

A for allow

I for investigate

N for nurturing – remembering to be kind to yourself.

“The use of RAIN shows us how we might create a larger, lighter, kinder space for any emotion -- “

This brings about a natural sense of greater freedom and ease.

Tibetan teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche shares a way of connecting to ourselves called the “handshake practice.

Here we are invited to shake hands with what he calls “our beautiful monsters”.

Come into your body. Don’t look for special things, just be with what’s there.

Skilful handshaking involves the following:

Soften and allow for your experience

Stay grounded

Be with yourself without expecting to change what’s there.

Listen and welcome.

We are given a breathing technique:

Inhale for a count of four

Hold your breath for a count of four, and

Exhale for a count of eight.

I found the book worthwhile to read, though I may have missed its basic message As stated above, I found the author’s style of writing difficult, and this is probably why I failed to comprehend everything she wrote.

The appendix comprises the Eightfold Path, a meditation guide and a section on Lovingkindness meditation. (I would highly recommend reading Sharon’s book on this subject.)

[Lynda · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I happened upon this book at a local independent bookstore, I was looking for help, hoping to find a book to fix me, to take away my anxiety, and as I predicted to a friend that I ran into there, "the right book will find its way to me."

This book did find me, and as I should have known, it hasn't fixed me (maybe I don't need to be fixed) and it hasn't taken away my anxiety, but it has given me some things to think about, and some new angles from which to view things, and that is helpful.

The author leans heavily on a format of lengthy quotes from others, for example: I did a podcast about _____ with _____. He is a ___ at ____ school in ____ and he told me this: followed by a couple pages of their thoughts on the subject. I guess I wanted more from her and less of other people's thoughts, but that's relatively minor. I'll be shelving this book where I can find it easily and refer back to it.

[Missy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sharon Salzberg has given us a gift with “Real Life”. She guides us through so many of life’s situations and provides a guide to opening up and finding space. Then explains the benefits of that space and light as we address real life.

My copy is filled with post-it’s indicating practices, important and motivating quotes, and key topics I relate to. It has turned from a motivating read to a workbook for a Real HAPPY Life.

[Claire Parsons · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is more like talking over life with a friend than a how to and that's just fine. Not a whole lot of new technique or big insights, just clear and honest discussion about life and how to live it with a little less angst and resistance. Salzberg's writing style is approachable and easy to read and I have not been disappointed with of her "Real" books so far.

[Ml Lalonde · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sharon Salzberg has made a life of teaching the deceptively simple and profoundly transformational practice of loving kindness meditation. Fuelled by a chaotic childhood, she went searching for an end to suffering and has provided generations of meditators with the tools we need to live mindfully in the world.

[Vincent]

There were some good parts to this but this overall felt like various platitudes and nice things other people have said. Also it felt so weird to start with a religious practice, mention Palestine, and then be like oh we’re separating that out and we’re not gonna talk about that here. Which is a poor choice honestly.

[Ashley Flores · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely amazing book! This book found me in a time when I didn’t realize I needed it. It helped me navigate through deeper ideas and characteristics that take root in me. One of my favorite books. I still however would catch myself setting it down for a while from time to time. But when I’d get wrapped in again I’d remember just how good it was. A great read.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

sharon is, as always, a gem. i always appreciate that sharon is able to bridge buddhist psychology and dharma with christian and jewish teachings. i think she also did a fantastic job here building upon each topic... the invitation to expansiveness, exploration of the three hindrances, and of course, love.

[Devon Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not as fantastic as her other two "Real" books - and a bit of repetition of stories and imagery from these first two books - but I love Sharon Salzberg, and if she recited the phone book, I'd still give it a 4 star rating.

[Xan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very Refreshing

Sharon has brought many sources together somewhat in the style of the later Wayne Dyer if a bit more lively and informative! Loved the quote from Saturday Night Seder at the end. Thank you.

[Makenzie Curr · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. One of my favorites from Sharon. It’s so simple to read and has left a great impact on me. I find myself feeling more motivation to put life in my own hands while also giving myself grace and love. If you’re feeling stuck then this is a great book for you!

[Christie P · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’d read the author’s book Real Love a few years back and Real Life caught my eye. For a short read it was a bit of a slow burn, but there were lots of useful nuggets throughout the book. It’s worth a read and if only to pick up some new meditation practices.

[Mel L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful and inspiring. It was just what I needed. Many thoughtful insights. A wonderful collection of meaningful sentiments to reflect on. It has helped me open my eyes to the potential expansion inherent within all the connections in our lives.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Salzberg has a remarkable gift for making the ethereal visceral in ways that have changed my life for the better. She is an incredible teacher whose brilliance and warmth offer an accessible alternative to the clinging, greed, and fragility that cause unnecessary suffering.

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

While there's nothing new here, Sharon Salzberg is always someone to count on to provide wisdom and helpful reminders. Good stuff and recommended.

I really appreciate the free ARC for review!!