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The Whole Language: The Power of Extravagant Tenderness
Beloved Jesuit priest and author of the inspirational bestsellers Tattoos on the Heart and Barking to the Choir returns with a call to witness the transformative power of tenderness, rooted in his lifetime of experience counseling gang members in Los Angeles.
Over the past thirty years, Gregory Boyle has transformed thousands of lives through his work as the founder of Homeboy Industries, the largest and most successful gang-intervention program in the world. Now, following his acclaimed bestsellers Tattoos on the Heart , “destined to become a classic of both urban reportage and contemporary spirituality” ( Los Angeles Times ), and Barking to the Choir , deemed “a beautiful and important and soul-transporting book” by Elizabeth Gilbert comes The Whole Language , a book that “filled my cup with hope” ( The Jesuit Review ).
In a community struggling to overcome systemic poverty and violence, The Whole Language shows how those at Homeboy Industries fight despair and remain generous, hopeful, and tender. When Saul was thirteen years old, he killed his abusive stepfather in self-defense; after spending twenty-three years in juvenile and adult jail, he enters the Homeboy Industries training and healing programs and embraces their mission. Declaring, “I’ve decided to grow up to be somebody I always needed as a child,” Saul shows tenderness toward the young men in his former shoes, treating them all like his sons and helping them to find their way. Before coming to Homeboy Industries, a young man named Abel was shot thirty-three times, landing him in a coma for six months followed by a year and a half recuperating in the hospital. He now travels on speaking tours with Boyle and gives guided tours around the Homeboy offices. One day a new trainee joins Abel as a shadow, and Abel recognizes him as the young man who had put him in a coma. “You give good tours,” the trainee tells Abel. They both have embarked on a path to wholeness.
Boyle’s moving stories challenge our ideas about God and about people, providing a window into a world filled with fellowship, compassion, and fewer barriers. Bursting with encouragement, humor, and hope, The Whole Language invites us to treat others—and ourselves—with acceptance and tenderness.
Over the past thirty years, Gregory Boyle has transformed thousands of lives through his work as the founder of Homeboy Industries, the largest and most successful gang-intervention program in the world. Now, following his acclaimed bestsellers Tattoos on the Heart , “destined to become a classic of both urban reportage and contemporary spirituality” ( Los Angeles Times ), and Barking to the Choir , deemed “a beautiful and important and soul-transporting book” by Elizabeth Gilbert comes The Whole Language , a book that “filled my cup with hope” ( The Jesuit Review ).
In a community struggling to overcome systemic poverty and violence, The Whole Language shows how those at Homeboy Industries fight despair and remain generous, hopeful, and tender. When Saul was thirteen years old, he killed his abusive stepfather in self-defense; after spending twenty-three years in juvenile and adult jail, he enters the Homeboy Industries training and healing programs and embraces their mission. Declaring, “I’ve decided to grow up to be somebody I always needed as a child,” Saul shows tenderness toward the young men in his former shoes, treating them all like his sons and helping them to find their way. Before coming to Homeboy Industries, a young man named Abel was shot thirty-three times, landing him in a coma for six months followed by a year and a half recuperating in the hospital. He now travels on speaking tours with Boyle and gives guided tours around the Homeboy offices. One day a new trainee joins Abel as a shadow, and Abel recognizes him as the young man who had put him in a coma. “You give good tours,” the trainee tells Abel. They both have embarked on a path to wholeness.
Boyle’s moving stories challenge our ideas about God and about people, providing a window into a world filled with fellowship, compassion, and fewer barriers. Bursting with encouragement, humor, and hope, The Whole Language invites us to treat others—and ourselves—with acceptance and tenderness.
256 pages, Paperback
Published April 4, 2023
385 people are currently reading
3693 people want to read
About the author
Gregory Boyle
23 books662 followersAs Executive Director of Homeboy Industries and an acknowledged expert on gangs and intervention approaches, Fr. Boyle is an internationally renowned speaker. He has given commencement addresses at numerous universities, as well as spoken at conferences for teachers, social workers, criminal justice workers and others about the importance of adult attention, guidance and unconditional love in preventing youth from joining gangs. Fr. Greg and several “homies” were featured speakers at the White House Conference on Youth in 2005 at the personal invitation of Mrs. George Bush. In 1998 he was a member of the 10-person California delegation to President Clinton’s Summit on Children in Philadelphia. Fr. Greg is also a consultant to youth service and governmental agencies, policy-makers and employers. Fr. Boyle serves as a member of the National Gang Center Advisory Board (U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention). He is also a member of the Advisory Board for the Loyola Law School Center for Juvenile Law and Policy in Los Angeles. Previously, he held an appointment to the California Commission on Juvenile Justice, Crime and Delinquency Prevention.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 307 reviews
November 17, 2021
While I’ve read and reviewed Gregory Boyle’s books before, this is the first time I’ve ever had any sort of platform to shine a light on his words. I really hope I don’t screw this up.
This review of The Whole Language is my 200th of 2021, and it’s the one I most want you to read all the way to the end. Please bear with me as I turn my heart inside out to reveal the tender part lurking below the layers of sarcasm and snark.
If you’re unfamiliar with him, Gregory Boyle is a Jesuit priest and founder of Homeboy Industries. Homeboy is the largest gang rehabilitation and re-entry program in the world. It stands as a beacon of hope in Los Angeles to provide training and support to former gang members and previously-incarcerated people, allowing them to redirect their lives and become contributing members of our community.
Pessimism? No, you won’t find that here.
I am not a religious person, but I am a spiritual, hopeful one. Boyle’s glass-is-half-full approach to a loving higher power lifts me up when I'm most in need of a boost. It helps me to better understand humanity, find empathy and embody grace. His stories of sworn enemies achieving commonality and friendship make me laugh and bring me to tears.
The Whole Language is the third book written by G Dog (as the homies call him), following Tattoos on the Heart (2010) and Barking to the Choir (2017). He narrates the audiobooks himself, and listening to his fatherly voice is an opportunity I will never pass up. It should go without saying that as a Jesuit priest he is a follower of Jesus, though he offers his messages in ways that should not alienate those of other faiths. Potential readers should also be aware that he is a priest that doesn’t shy away from colorful language. He’s lived and worked with homies for 30 years, and their vernacular has become his own.
A few years ago a Goalcast video of one of his speeches went viral, and you can see that glimpse into his optimistic storytelling here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk--X...
You can learn more about Homebody Industries, buy the books, and support their mission of boundless compassion, radical kinship, and extravagant tenderness here: https://homeboyindustries.org/
and here: https://homeboyfoods.com/
If you’ve made it this far and are still with me, I truly thank you. I know the fact that this book is rooted in religion-based lessons will make it not everyone’s cup of tea. But it sure is mine. When I read this man’s words, my cup runneth over.
Blog: https://www.confettibookshelf.com/
This review of The Whole Language is my 200th of 2021, and it’s the one I most want you to read all the way to the end. Please bear with me as I turn my heart inside out to reveal the tender part lurking below the layers of sarcasm and snark.
If you’re unfamiliar with him, Gregory Boyle is a Jesuit priest and founder of Homeboy Industries. Homeboy is the largest gang rehabilitation and re-entry program in the world. It stands as a beacon of hope in Los Angeles to provide training and support to former gang members and previously-incarcerated people, allowing them to redirect their lives and become contributing members of our community.
Pessimism? No, you won’t find that here.
I am not a religious person, but I am a spiritual, hopeful one. Boyle’s glass-is-half-full approach to a loving higher power lifts me up when I'm most in need of a boost. It helps me to better understand humanity, find empathy and embody grace. His stories of sworn enemies achieving commonality and friendship make me laugh and bring me to tears.
The Whole Language is the third book written by G Dog (as the homies call him), following Tattoos on the Heart (2010) and Barking to the Choir (2017). He narrates the audiobooks himself, and listening to his fatherly voice is an opportunity I will never pass up. It should go without saying that as a Jesuit priest he is a follower of Jesus, though he offers his messages in ways that should not alienate those of other faiths. Potential readers should also be aware that he is a priest that doesn’t shy away from colorful language. He’s lived and worked with homies for 30 years, and their vernacular has become his own.
A few years ago a Goalcast video of one of his speeches went viral, and you can see that glimpse into his optimistic storytelling here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk--X...
You can learn more about Homebody Industries, buy the books, and support their mission of boundless compassion, radical kinship, and extravagant tenderness here: https://homeboyindustries.org/
and here: https://homeboyfoods.com/
If you’ve made it this far and are still with me, I truly thank you. I know the fact that this book is rooted in religion-based lessons will make it not everyone’s cup of tea. But it sure is mine. When I read this man’s words, my cup runneth over.
Blog: https://www.confettibookshelf.com/
September 23, 2021
Father Greg Boyle has completed his trilogy in perfect fashion, continuing his love letter to the "homies" with whom he lives and works. I still hold that no other works comprise my theology in the way that these do, especially The Whole Language with its emphasis on portraying tenderness and grace through storytelling. What a deep gift this is. Highly recommended!
I received an electronic ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I received an electronic ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
June 26, 2021
I love all Fr. Boyle's books, and this one was no exception. As with his other books, I occasionally got lost in what he was trying to say (he himself admits he has no attention span), but I took note after note as I read. (I also kept a box of Kleenex close). My favorite parts in all his books are the stories he tells of the gang members he works with. He's funny and snarky and takes no guff from anyone, and his stories reflect the great love he has for his "children." Many thanks to NetGalley, Simon and Schuster, and Fr. Boyle for the ARC of this title.
October 27, 2021
From a fellow Tenderoni, I can’t find the words to describe this. This is theology at its finest. It’s humbling, human love.
November 21, 2021
Gregory Boyle is a remarkable storyteller and narrator. Although his language is primarily Christian his message is universal. Highly recommended 5*+
November 18, 2021
Father Boyle’s stories of mercy and kinship continue to inspire me.
“Heaven was not a goal for Jesus but loving was,” writes Boyle. And he shows us how to love again and again and again.
“Heaven was not a goal for Jesus but loving was,” writes Boyle. And he shows us how to love again and again and again.
January 6, 2022
like medicine for my heart :’)
January 22, 2022
“Tell all the Truth but tell it slant/
Success in circuit lies/
The Truth must dazzle gradually/
Or every man be blind.”
-Emiy Dickinson
“Arguments don’t change minds, stories do.
Jesus seemed to understand this.”
- Gregory Boyle, SJ
In the great Hilary Mantel book “ Wolf Hall, Cardinal Woolsey, advisor to Henry VIII, instructs his fixer Thomas Cromwell to” try to find out what people are wearing underneath their clothes.” In “The Whole Language” Fr. Boyle invites us to do likewise though for a very different reason. His book is subtitled “ The Power of Extravagant Tenderness.” With this tenderness he asks us to “find the thorn underneath. With a hundred or more stories and parables that will make you laugh and cry out loud he more than reflects his books’ title and subtitle.
Our present world is at times a hostile place with a degradation of civility and respect for others. To find “the hurt behind the hate” is the manifesto and soul of this work.
I’ve often thought that his books should come with a warning label: CAUTION: WHEN YOU FINISH THIS BOOK YOU WON’T BE THE SAME.
Thank you Father Greg. You are great.
Success in circuit lies/
The Truth must dazzle gradually/
Or every man be blind.”
-Emiy Dickinson
“Arguments don’t change minds, stories do.
Jesus seemed to understand this.”
- Gregory Boyle, SJ
In the great Hilary Mantel book “ Wolf Hall, Cardinal Woolsey, advisor to Henry VIII, instructs his fixer Thomas Cromwell to” try to find out what people are wearing underneath their clothes.” In “The Whole Language” Fr. Boyle invites us to do likewise though for a very different reason. His book is subtitled “ The Power of Extravagant Tenderness.” With this tenderness he asks us to “find the thorn underneath. With a hundred or more stories and parables that will make you laugh and cry out loud he more than reflects his books’ title and subtitle.
Our present world is at times a hostile place with a degradation of civility and respect for others. To find “the hurt behind the hate” is the manifesto and soul of this work.
I’ve often thought that his books should come with a warning label: CAUTION: WHEN YOU FINISH THIS BOOK YOU WON’T BE THE SAME.
Thank you Father Greg. You are great.
December 17, 2021
Boyle has worked for decades among gang members in Los Angeles, so his stories on the surface are of lives very different than mine. He writes about tattoo removals and young men shot in the stomach and women in a fistfight and poverty and addiction and despair. But I relate to every one of these stories because Boyle’s book is also just story after story about God’s love for people who are scared to believe that we are lovable. Over and over again, Boyle insists that God loves us as we are, comes to us as we are, heals us, and returns us to wholeness with delight in who we are.
June 18, 2023
I admire Father Gregory Boyle and the work he does at Homeboy Industries. His books truly run the gamut of life’s emotions. They are heartbreaking from time to time, but are mostly inspirational, challenging, and incredibly funny.
I highly recommend buying all the books in print and listening to them on audio. G’s narration is perfect and should not be missed, but you will want to have the books themselves to underline, highlight, and annotate.
After finishing this one, I have decided that I will reread one a year going forward.
I highly recommend buying all the books in print and listening to them on audio. G’s narration is perfect and should not be missed, but you will want to have the books themselves to underline, highlight, and annotate.
After finishing this one, I have decided that I will reread one a year going forward.
November 29, 2021
I've read all three of Boyle's "The Power of..." books and it's been an amazing and humbling experience each time. I am so thankful to have a soul such as Gregory Boyle on this earth, during my lifetime.
There are so many gems here, I'll share a few;
"Nothing is more consequential in our lives than the notion of God we hold. Not God, the notion of God. This is what steers the ship. Our idea of God will always call the shots...Meister Eckhard said, "It is a lie, any talk of God that doesn't comfort you."
"When homies say they are trying to be better people, I tell that they could not be even one bit better...We never say to the homies, "We believe you can change, but rather, we know you can heal."
"Moralism has never kept us moral. It has kept us from each other. There are mythic narratives that Americans like to tell themselves about right and wrong and good and bad. Tiknat Han speaks of behavior not in terms of good and bad, but more or less skillful. That's closer. I would say more or less healthy."
"God won't love Lefty more if he stops gangbanging, but Lefty will be happier if he does."
"Dino, my son for life, why are you crying?"
"Because tonight for the first time in my life, I feel this pain for all the hurt I caused."
"Dog, you've done the really hard work, you can choose joy now."
"...the Navajo thought that the criminal was one who acted as if he had no family, a severed belonging. Without a sense of sin, these tribes were able to see pain and wound and thought punishment didn't make any sense."
"Restorative justice is also justice and not a vindication. It is about healing and alleviating pain. Not about vengeance. We need to seek only repair."
Okay, okay, that was more than just a few. But can you blame me?! I cannot recommend highly enough listening to the audio version of his books. Boyle reads them himself and it is a powerful, soul-stirring, and delightful experience.
There are so many gems here, I'll share a few;
"Nothing is more consequential in our lives than the notion of God we hold. Not God, the notion of God. This is what steers the ship. Our idea of God will always call the shots...Meister Eckhard said, "It is a lie, any talk of God that doesn't comfort you."
"When homies say they are trying to be better people, I tell that they could not be even one bit better...We never say to the homies, "We believe you can change, but rather, we know you can heal."
"Moralism has never kept us moral. It has kept us from each other. There are mythic narratives that Americans like to tell themselves about right and wrong and good and bad. Tiknat Han speaks of behavior not in terms of good and bad, but more or less skillful. That's closer. I would say more or less healthy."
"God won't love Lefty more if he stops gangbanging, but Lefty will be happier if he does."
"Dino, my son for life, why are you crying?"
"Because tonight for the first time in my life, I feel this pain for all the hurt I caused."
"Dog, you've done the really hard work, you can choose joy now."
"...the Navajo thought that the criminal was one who acted as if he had no family, a severed belonging. Without a sense of sin, these tribes were able to see pain and wound and thought punishment didn't make any sense."
"Restorative justice is also justice and not a vindication. It is about healing and alleviating pain. Not about vengeance. We need to seek only repair."
Okay, okay, that was more than just a few. But can you blame me?! I cannot recommend highly enough listening to the audio version of his books. Boyle reads them himself and it is a powerful, soul-stirring, and delightful experience.
April 16, 2022
As a non-religious person who is always striving to find ways to be more compassionate. This book was INCREDIBLE. Written by a Jesuit priest who has made it his life mission to be loving to all, including and especially those who suffer from mental illness, trauma, and poverty.
February 7, 2025
Gosh. One of my favorite books of all time. Love Gregory Boyle! The generous light of God’s outsize love😭 The goodness!!!!!
“Saint Ignatius, in his autobiography, describes his wild scrupulosity and he realizes... finally ... that it can't be sustained. Because once he came to know the expansive, spacious God we really have, once he found that mystical view, he moved beyond altering behavior and measuring up and chose instead to live in this generous light of God's outsize love. My size. He fired the other gods. He found the goodness.”
“Saint Ignatius, in his autobiography, describes his wild scrupulosity and he realizes... finally ... that it can't be sustained. Because once he came to know the expansive, spacious God we really have, once he found that mystical view, he moved beyond altering behavior and measuring up and chose instead to live in this generous light of God's outsize love. My size. He fired the other gods. He found the goodness.”
April 21, 2022
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry. . . You’ll read stories of cruelty that seem impossible to believe, and you’ll read about lives changed by extravagant tenderness.
May 25, 2022
I never tire of the lessons and stories from Fr. Greg Boyle. I have read the two before this one - both great. He tells laugh out loud stories about the things he has learned from the gang members at Homeboys Industries in LA.
September 20, 2023
This precious jewel of a book is full of Father Boyle’s hard won wisdom and hilarious quips. It’s in the running for favorite book of 2023 alongside Beth Moore’s, “All My Knotted Up Life.” I loved every minute of it. His writing is absolutely exquisite and I ended the book by praying that God would give me eyes to see people the way Father Boyle does. All grace.
November 17, 2021
Although I am not a religious person, I found Father Boyle’s perspective of humanity Inspiring and uplifting.
November 27, 2021
5 PLUS! I love Father Greg Boyle. He has the best stories tied in with spiritual grace we should all be living our lives by. The Whole Language is his trifecta and needs to be read by all.
March 27, 2022
For many years now, I've mentally listed Father Boyle's first book (Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion) as my all-time favorite book and his second (Barking to the Choir: The Power of Radical Kinship) not far behind. I guess he always imagined them as a trilogy, and here's the third. It's not nearly as good.
I'm torn how to rate this because there's so much amazing wisdom and humor here — I made 35 highlights in my ebook edition. (The best way to enjoy all his books, though, is the audio version of Father Boyle reading.) My brain can't help but speculate that he rushed this third book out before it'd fully gestated; maybe because he's got leukemia and was worried he wouldn't finish it?
It's still got his patented mix of Christian mysticism mixed with Buddhist thought, Muslim poetry and malapropisms from the LA gang members he's spent his life helping. The book starts great but then becomes more disorganized, with the stories not hitting the bull's eye as often.
This is a 5-star book if written by anyone else, but in G's canon, it's 3.5. I'm rounding down because I did not feel awe in the last half. Still, anyone who regularly drops the F-bomb while quoting Mary Oliver, Hafez, and Thich Nhat Hanh is my kin. Spiritual seekers not tied to one religion or denomination will find much to enjoy.
Typical idea from this book: God doesn’t want us to be good. We already are. God only longs for us to be joyful.
Typical passage:
Half of Anthony’s life had been spent in jails and detention facilities. Before coming to us, a meth addiction crippled him surely as much as his earlier gang allegiance did. We’re speaking in my office one day and he tells me that he and his twin brother, at nine years old, were taken from their parents and a house filled with violence and abuse and sent to live with their grandmother. “She was the meanest human being I’ve ever known,” Anthony says. Every day after school, every weekend, and all summer long, for the entire year Anthony and his twin lived with her (until they ran away), they were forced to strip down to their chonies, sit in this lonely hallway “Indian style,” and not move. “She would put duct tape over our mouths… cuz… she said, ‘I hate the sound of your voices.’ ” Then Anthony quakes as the emotion of this memory reverberates. “This is why,” he says, holding a finger to his mouth, “I never shush my girls.” He pauses and restores what he needs to continue. “I love the sound… of their voices. In fact, when the oldest one grabs a crayon and draws wildly on the living room wall and my wife says, ‘DO something! Aren’t ya gonna TELL her something?’ I crouch down, put my arm around my daughter, and the two of us stare at the wall, my cheek resting on hers, and I point and say, ‘Now, that’s the most magnificent work of art… I have ever seen.’ ”
Here is the Good News: The God we most deeply want IS the God we actually have, and the god we fear is, in fact, the partial god we’ve settled for. God looks at us and is ecstatic. This God loves the sound of our voices and thinks that all of us are a magnificent work of art. “You’re here.” God’s cheek resting on ours. God’s singular agenda item.
I'm torn how to rate this because there's so much amazing wisdom and humor here — I made 35 highlights in my ebook edition. (The best way to enjoy all his books, though, is the audio version of Father Boyle reading.) My brain can't help but speculate that he rushed this third book out before it'd fully gestated; maybe because he's got leukemia and was worried he wouldn't finish it?
It's still got his patented mix of Christian mysticism mixed with Buddhist thought, Muslim poetry and malapropisms from the LA gang members he's spent his life helping. The book starts great but then becomes more disorganized, with the stories not hitting the bull's eye as often.
This is a 5-star book if written by anyone else, but in G's canon, it's 3.5. I'm rounding down because I did not feel awe in the last half. Still, anyone who regularly drops the F-bomb while quoting Mary Oliver, Hafez, and Thich Nhat Hanh is my kin. Spiritual seekers not tied to one religion or denomination will find much to enjoy.
Typical idea from this book: God doesn’t want us to be good. We already are. God only longs for us to be joyful.
Typical passage:
Half of Anthony’s life had been spent in jails and detention facilities. Before coming to us, a meth addiction crippled him surely as much as his earlier gang allegiance did. We’re speaking in my office one day and he tells me that he and his twin brother, at nine years old, were taken from their parents and a house filled with violence and abuse and sent to live with their grandmother. “She was the meanest human being I’ve ever known,” Anthony says. Every day after school, every weekend, and all summer long, for the entire year Anthony and his twin lived with her (until they ran away), they were forced to strip down to their chonies, sit in this lonely hallway “Indian style,” and not move. “She would put duct tape over our mouths… cuz… she said, ‘I hate the sound of your voices.’ ” Then Anthony quakes as the emotion of this memory reverberates. “This is why,” he says, holding a finger to his mouth, “I never shush my girls.” He pauses and restores what he needs to continue. “I love the sound… of their voices. In fact, when the oldest one grabs a crayon and draws wildly on the living room wall and my wife says, ‘DO something! Aren’t ya gonna TELL her something?’ I crouch down, put my arm around my daughter, and the two of us stare at the wall, my cheek resting on hers, and I point and say, ‘Now, that’s the most magnificent work of art… I have ever seen.’ ”
Here is the Good News: The God we most deeply want IS the God we actually have, and the god we fear is, in fact, the partial god we’ve settled for. God looks at us and is ecstatic. This God loves the sound of our voices and thinks that all of us are a magnificent work of art. “You’re here.” God’s cheek resting on ours. God’s singular agenda item.
Read
July 19, 2022I might not do a rating for this one, as the writing style flummoxed me (even though the Introduction warned me). Let that not, however, for one moment, denigrate the necessary and transformative work Homeboy Industries does in its community.
CF
CF
December 7, 2022
This is the book I needed right now. A wonderful reminder that we belong to each other and that we are wasting so much time focusing on things that’s don’t matter instead of showering each and every person with extravagant love.
December 18, 2021
Not mu favorite of Boyle’s books. I bogged down about half way thru. It felt forced telling of stories to support a new theme but the themes did not shone through. Just so so for me.
July 8, 2025
3.5 - good nuggets
December 15, 2021
Am I a mystic? How about a Jesuit? The more I read Father Greg Boyle, the more I want to be. (Philosophical ramblings to follow).
I’ve been on a spiritual journey of sorts over the last few years, pretty burnt out from evangelical Christianity (or maybe just it’s politics, idk) but knowing God too well to walk away from him. The words in this book are exactly what I’ve felt like God has been trying to teach me, what I have been feeling in my soul…a whisper: “tenderness,” “acceptance.” Often times, Christianity can unnecessarily confine us to a set of rules, boxes to check, and people to judge, instead of a relationship with a God who cares very deeply for us and for those around us. A God who isn’t looking for perfect but is looking for relationship, with his people and his people with each other.
“At one time, we all had a version of God that was rigid. But the depth of our own experience tells us that our idea of God wants to be fluid and evolving.”
This book is a call to each other. A call to treat everyone with the tenderness and acceptance that you yourself long for. To realize that each person is a whole, complex, damaged, and beautiful person in need of belonging, kindness, and an invitation to “not measure up” and be okay with their imperfection. As we do this we can let go of misconceptions and the crap that makes us think we are so different from one another.
After reading this book I’m challenged (like I have been from his past two books) to see wholeness in everyone and to try on tenderness with myself and those around me.
I’ve been on a spiritual journey of sorts over the last few years, pretty burnt out from evangelical Christianity (or maybe just it’s politics, idk) but knowing God too well to walk away from him. The words in this book are exactly what I’ve felt like God has been trying to teach me, what I have been feeling in my soul…a whisper: “tenderness,” “acceptance.” Often times, Christianity can unnecessarily confine us to a set of rules, boxes to check, and people to judge, instead of a relationship with a God who cares very deeply for us and for those around us. A God who isn’t looking for perfect but is looking for relationship, with his people and his people with each other.
“At one time, we all had a version of God that was rigid. But the depth of our own experience tells us that our idea of God wants to be fluid and evolving.”
This book is a call to each other. A call to treat everyone with the tenderness and acceptance that you yourself long for. To realize that each person is a whole, complex, damaged, and beautiful person in need of belonging, kindness, and an invitation to “not measure up” and be okay with their imperfection. As we do this we can let go of misconceptions and the crap that makes us think we are so different from one another.
After reading this book I’m challenged (like I have been from his past two books) to see wholeness in everyone and to try on tenderness with myself and those around me.
September 14, 2023
The themes I took from this book include the following: a sense of love and belonging, restoration, embracing life, and living through action. My book is riddled with highlighter marks, but below are some favorite gems:
💎 “Judgment is blind, only love truly sees, and only an understanding heart speaks the whole language”
💎 “Diversity is a fact. Equity is a choice. Inclusion is an action. Belonging is the outcome…we begin with belonging.”
💎 “Society punishes people for bad behavior, and we call it justice, but real justice restores”
💎 “The whole point of mistakes is to learn from them, not to pay for them.”
💎 “Authentic Christianity never circles the wagons. It always widens the circles… so I suppose there is no point in knowing Jesus, unless we’re going to see as Jesus.”
💎 “Kindness is the only non-delusional response to everything.”
💎 “Judgment is blind, only love truly sees, and only an understanding heart speaks the whole language”
💎 “Diversity is a fact. Equity is a choice. Inclusion is an action. Belonging is the outcome…we begin with belonging.”
💎 “Society punishes people for bad behavior, and we call it justice, but real justice restores”
💎 “The whole point of mistakes is to learn from them, not to pay for them.”
💎 “Authentic Christianity never circles the wagons. It always widens the circles… so I suppose there is no point in knowing Jesus, unless we’re going to see as Jesus.”
💎 “Kindness is the only non-delusional response to everything.”
February 21, 2022
where the soul lies down to rest
I don’t know of another author who so masterfully flies beneath my defenses and makes my heart sing, weep, and soften. Like a brilliant comedian whose joke is not about the joke but about the thing beneath the joke, Boyle’s masterful storytelling catches me off guard — the best place to pull me into the WHAT of life and not just the HOW. Where I can see the garden again and not just analyze it. The field where the soul lies down to rest, so to speak, in tenderness.
I don’t know of another author who so masterfully flies beneath my defenses and makes my heart sing, weep, and soften. Like a brilliant comedian whose joke is not about the joke but about the thing beneath the joke, Boyle’s masterful storytelling catches me off guard — the best place to pull me into the WHAT of life and not just the HOW. Where I can see the garden again and not just analyze it. The field where the soul lies down to rest, so to speak, in tenderness.
March 6, 2024
I read this because I was assigned to it for one of my classes that teaches about alternative approaches to discipline of children. Although the author is a priest, who very much talks about God, obviously, I found that the messages throughout the book were so very heartwarming and so important whether the audience is religious or not. I cried so very much while reading this beautiful book, and I can get behind THIS message of God, which is pretty crazy coming from me.
Love is the answer and tenderness is the way.
Love is the answer and tenderness is the way.
January 2, 2025
This was about considering the whole self, reflecting on it, shame/transformation and change. Boyle is honest and compassionate in his storytelling. At first he talks about the langauge we use in religion and in life and how it affects us and others, then branches out into separate instances talking about the men he helps rehabilitate and how they change and expand his perspective and God‘s place in their relationships and lives as well as our own. Also overall about connection and belonging, and a view of God and Catholicism that I really mesh with 4/5
November 22, 2021
Each of Fr. Boyle's books get better! The only sad part is that they end. I marvel that he writes this book about his homies, and it is indeed working wonders. In this book, he also looks at the division and lack of inclusion in our country among political groups. As I read this book, Fr. Boyle seems to offer a way to live with all. Homies, immigrants, estranged family members, people in the LGBTQ community, people with disabilities.
January 1, 2022
I have been a fan of Fr. Greg and Homeboy Industries for a while now, and once again Fr. Greg articulates what it means to love and to be godly in ways that I can never put into words. As someone who still identifies as catholic but doesn’t necessarily agree with the church a lot (or go to mass a lot), this book articulated what and who I believe God to be.
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