The Sugar Jar: Create Boundaries, Embrace Self-Healing, and Enjoy the Sweet Things in Life – Radical Wellness Practices to Protect Your Energy and Find Balance

by Yasmine Cheyenne

“With calm and compassionate power, Yasmine is helping us to find our way back home—back to our own selves.” —Layla Saad, New York Times bestselling author of Me & White Supremacy

“Yasmine’s work is monumental, and I am in much better holistic alignment because of her dedicated and helpful offerings to the world.”—Alex Elle, author of After the Rain

A radical approach to setting boundaries and protecting your energy, rich with tools for self-healing.

Imagine a glass jar filled with sugar on a kitchen counter. You are the jar, and the sugar is your energy. If the jar has no lid, people can come in and take as much sugar as they want. Sometimes, they spill that sugar all over. You may try to refill your jar—replenish your energy—through self-care, but because there is no a lid—no protective boundary—you cannot control how much of your vital life force is being drained.

The Sugar Jar metaphor is a powerful teaching tool that wellness advocate and coach Yasmine Cheyenne has successfully used with her clients. Now, in her debut book, she makes it available to everyone. Combining stories, exercises, and prompts, The Sugar Jar lets you see just how much energy you have and how much is being used by others. It helps you identify what depletes you, what restores you, and how to recognize destructive patterns. It empowers you to free yourself from performing for and serving others, teaching you to set boundaries to help you heal and recharge. The Sugar Jar frees you from the excess stress and exhaustion that wears you down. It allows you to unleash your authentic self, choose joy, and find lasting balance.

A compassionate teacher, Cheyenne offers a unique and much needed perspective. A former member of the Air Force working with victims of domestic violence, she has specifically designed her approach and questions about boundaries, self-care, and self-healing for readers of all backgrounds, and especially readers of color, whose stressors and life challenges have too often been excluded and overlooked. Cheyenne herself has felt unwelcome as a Black woman in predominantly white wellness groups and retreats. Her inclusive message speaks to the needs of BIPOC readers, and accepts them where they are.

Warm and honest, featuring a beautiful and inviting two-color design, The Sugar Jar shows you how to make small adjustments that can lead to big changes in your life.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Personal Development, Audiobook, Relationships

282 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 27, 2022

About the author

Yasmine Cheyenne is a self-healing educator, mental wellness advocate, author, and motivational speaker who helps people cultivate daily practices to build healthy, joyful lives. Yasmine’s app, The Sugar Jar Community®, provides meditations and healing workshops to support our mental wellness. She’s been featured on the Today show, InStyle, Forbes, and more. An Air Force Veteran and native New Yorker, she now lives in Washington, DC with her family.

Reviews

[Delonna Gibbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do yourself a favor READ THIS book? One of my favorite chapters is called “The Strong One” for a variety of reasons . What resonated most is the reminder to check on your strong friends. And to protect your sugar. HAPPY READING!

[Tonya Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is a great book for the younger generation. I'm older and have had much of this mindset for years. I don't give out my sugar if it's going to leave my jar empty!! This will be good to give to my nieces and teenage granddaughters.

[kristy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to anyone working on or wanting to start their mental health healing journey, setting boundaries, effective communication, etc✨

[Hilary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Loved the mantras and the nuggets of advice, but the author’s writing style was a bit tough to decipher at times. I found myself rereading various sentences because I wasn’t sure exactly what she was trying to say. Also, the metaphor of the sugar jar was a bit overused. Took a star off for those indecipherable lines and the overuse of the sugar jar metaphor.

[Flannery Francis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very simplistic. The author beats the sugar jar metaphor to death.

[Connie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Sugar Jar is Cheyenne's metaphor for boundaries. Apparently she utilized it once in a newsletter and has never stopped fielding questions about it. She discusses it on her promotional podcast (also called The Sugar Jar), which is a great quick introduction for anyone thinking about picking up this book. The sugar jar metaphor is similar to spoon theory, with some modifications to focus on boundary work.

Cheyenne encourages the reader to ask the following questions for all of their actions in a day:

"How much sugar do I have?
Will saying yes fill me or deplete me?
Do I want to say yes to this?"

Using the extraordinarily basic example of writing this review, I've outlined my responses below.

How much sugar do I have? A quarter of a jar, as I am just getting over an illness.
Will saying yes fill me or deplete me? Fill me, although it requires some initial upfront energy.
Do I want to say yes to this? Yes, I do this voluntarily with no pressure or commitments.

The concept of evaluating each action in a day as a loss / gain I think is one of the most valuable concepts in this book. I'm sure there are other books on the subject and other methods to determine total energy expenditure in a day. Personally, I'm trying to be conscious about what I say "yes" to in 2024 and having any sort of structured framework to make those decisions is helpful. Pausing for a second and evaluating, especially at the beginning, can feel awkward and in itself is an energy expenditure, but four days into this new year's resolution, it appears to be going fine.

The Sugar Jar fills a niche in boundary and burnout self-help books. A decent portion of the boundary self-help books are about saying no to things / people you don't want to do / please. A decent portion of burnout books are about optimizing your current practices to be more efficient. The Sugar Jar was one of very few options I could find about saying no to things you want to do and remembering to re-prioritize yourself. It has a dedicated market in "strong" women, often caregivers, mothers, and marginalized folk. It focuses more on how to say no to a friend's party when you're exhausted and just need to stay home, even though you haven't seen your friend forever.

If "boundaries ensure that we prioritize ourselves so that even when we're supporting others, we're not compromising ourselves" resonates with you, the Sugar Jar might be worth it for you.

[Erika · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Libro.fm and the publisher for an advanced audio copy of this book!

I really did take away a lot from the stories, tips, and exercises given by the author. I especially appreciated the chapter on parenting and the chapter on the experiences of People of Color within the wellness community. The latter was not an experience I am familiar with, and I was saddened that many people have not received the support they deserve when tying racial experiences into their process. The sugar jar metaphor was good, and quite helpful, but perhaps used a bit to the extreme. However, I have the imagery firmly in my mind now and will continue to incorporate the principles into my life.

[Shatia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been amazing for me. Allowing me to see things that help me in my healing journey. So much of it resonated with me and made me question some things in my life. I feel grateful for this tool. I underlined and marked up so much of this book because of how much it identified feelings I haven’t been able to express.

[Lynn Meeuwissen · Rating 4 out of 5]

- A bit repetitive
- Love the metaphor of the sugar jar
- It was nice having the author being the narrator, she did such a good job. Though I would recommend getting a physical or digital copy for all the journaling prompts, ideas of rephrasing situations and what to say in them and mantras/affirmations
- I remember: “It’s a movement - a continuous journey of healing”

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book and the visual of the Sugar Jar. I will probably be rereading this one and definitely redesigning my kitchen!

[Hanna Chun · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this read. It was easy to read and had a good balance of anecdotes and tactical suggestions. Good learnings and reminders, and after reading I feel seen.

[DeeReads · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read with a galore of ah-ha moments!

A 5 stars recommend read ! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐✨✅

[Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

The metaphor goes a little too hard sometimes, and/or I need a bit more elaboration on certain aspects. (The jar is me, but I’m also outside myself managing my jar??) But the writing is incredibly gentle and supportive and still no-nonsense regarding the healing it discusses. Very poignant, very much needed. Reminds us that we can heal in small steps without having to tear down everything all at once.

[Lexi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recently hit a lull in my own healing/wellness journey and hearing this book was what I needed. I didn't feel like there were any groundbreaking wellness ideas, and I do wish it centered Black women more. But it was refreshing to read something just for me about caring for myself. It provided me the push to get out of my healing rut. Definitely suggest it for anyone who needs a little wellness push.

[Mindy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading and listening this book! It had practical applications to use on setting boundaries, among many other great lessons! I was a little frustrated hearing her refer to the sugar jar over and over. However; I still could look past and some of it resonated with me.

[Tameeka · Rating 3 out of 5]

How do we keep from spreading ourselves too thin? This book has mantras/affirmations and journaling questions to help the reader move through whatever is preventing them from enjoying the sweet life.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A continuous journey to self understanding and improvement

[AMAO · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Sugar Jar by Yasmine Cheyenne
Create Boundaries, Embrace Self-Healing, and Enjoy the Sweet Things in Life
Released December 27, 2022

<3 Just when I thought I read all there is to read on #SettingBoundaries #SelfCaring and the #StrongBlackWoman stereotypes along comes another manifesto to add to my #SanityMaintenace Kit. Great reminders, affirmations and validations for me IMO. <3

A radical approach to setting boundaries and protecting your energy, rich with tools for self-healing.

Imagine a glass jar filled with sugar on a kitchen counter. You are the jar, and the sugar is your energy. If the jar has no lid, people can come in and take as much sugar as they want. Sometimes, they spill that sugar all over. You may try to refill your jar—replenish your energy—through self-care, but because there is no a lid—no protective boundary—you cannot control how much of your vital life force is being drained.

The Sugar Jar metaphor is a powerful teaching tool that wellness advocate and coach Yasmine Cheyenne has successfully used with her clients. Now, in her debut book, she makes it available to everyone. Combining stories, exercises, and prompts, The Sugar Jar lets you see just how much energy you have and how much is being used by others. It helps you identify what depletes you, what restores you, and how to recognize destructive patterns. It empowers you to free yourself from performing for and serving others, teaching you to set boundaries to help you heal and recharge. The Sugar Jar frees you from the excess stress and exhaustion that wears you down. It allows you to unleash your authentic self, choose joy, and find lasting balance.

A compassionate teacher, Cheyenne offers a unique and much needed perspective. A former member of the Air Force working with victims of domestic violence, she has specifically designed her approach and questions about boundaries, self-care, and self-healing for readers of all backgrounds, and especially readers of color, whose stressors and life challenges have too often been excluded and overlooked. Cheyenne herself has felt unwelcome as a Black woman in predominantly white wellness groups and retreats. Her inclusive message speaks to the needs of BIPOC readers, and accepts them where they are.

Warm and honest, The Sugar Jar shows you how to make small adjustments that can lead to big changes in your life.

[William Schram · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a form of schizophrenia. Specifically, I have Schizoaffective Disorder. As a result, I have a disconnect with some wordplay and phrases. One example is how you shouldn't shout fire in a crowded theater. What is the alternative in the case of a fire? However, I digress.

Yasmine Cheyenne is a person with influence on the web. I borrowed this book from the library without knowing anything about the author. She relates her store of energy and time to a jar of sugar, hence the title of the book. It reminds me of other self-help books I read before but with a different perspective.

Cheyenne mentions the black experience, which I can't relate to. She notes the recent bursts of racism cropping up in the United States. I agree it's worrying and confusing since I don't know why it's happening. Trayvon Martin is a big one, but I never talk about stuff like that with my co-workers and family. Usually, I ignore stories like that since it just makes me depressed. If I can't do anything about it, I feel powerless. It is a feeling I don't enjoy cultivating in myself.

My solution is communication, but I don't know how to foster a connection like that. I have a lot of Black or Latino co-workers, but it seems odd to open with something heavy like racism. I am white as mayonnaise, and I keep to myself. On the other hand, I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I would think that there should be a lot of opportunities to talk to people about that subject.

I enjoyed the book. Thanks for reading my review, and see you next time.

[Alexandra · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt like this was the jab before the cross (apologies for the violent metaphor) - it was like the author was holding back.

“Someone else's decision to have a party at whatever time they chose is not a personal attack on our time. But so many of us feel that way when we don’t think we have control over our time and energy.”

“How much sugar do I have? Will saying yes fill me or deplete me? Do I want to say yes to this?”

“If I’m going to commit to working hard, what would it feel like to work hard for the reality I desire? What would it feel like to let go of the parts of my reality that keep me in unhealthy cycles?”

“If performing feels safe then not performing can feel scary and it’s tough to do what feels scary.”

“Maybe you don’t even know you’re uncomfortable because unbearable has become normal and normal feels better than putting yourself out there and potentially getting it wrong again.”

“Making choices that you later find you no longer want is a part of life.”

“It’s hard to choose yourself when you’re waiting for the belonging to happen outside yourself.”

“Healing is one of the few areas where it is genuinely hard for others to tell you it’s right. Although professionals, coaches and spiritual teachers can help you discern if right translates to the actual outcome you’re seeking. Because that is what right means.”

[Lindsey K Payne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've followed Yasmine for several years with my first introduction to her from Alex Elle's Hey Girl Podcast.. then Yasmine's The Sugar Jar Podcast. Through my own healing journey the last several years, I've learned a lot about boundaries, and I've read other books on boundaries. And yet, I still struggle at times with keeping those boundaries. In the season that I'm in currently, this was needed. It can get repetitive, yet we need to hear things over and over at times for them to stick (scientific fact, actually). I tell myself these things and have lost my voice at times. I'm looking to live with more integrity, and this was a gentle reminder to do that. And that I still have too much on my plate and not enough in my jar!

I encourage anyone who is just starting their healing journey, or maybe needing a little more help, to read this. Also, if you love to journal, do the reflective questions throughout the book! I plan to revisit the questions often to see my progress. Thank you, Yasmine!

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I have read many books in this genre about setting boundaries and self help, I must say this book goes to the front of the class! Yasmine did more than just say, “You need to set boundaries.” She sat you down and explained to you who you are, what you’ve been giving away to people, and that has been affecting your life. Now that you understand that, let’s talk about how to stop doing that in a way that keeps you safe but also so you can still be giving but not give yourself away.
I love that!!! Anyone can set up boarders but if you don’t understand why, you can end up locking yourself in and locking love out. I left reading her book well rounded. I understood past hurts in my life better than I had before. I saw my part in why it happened as opposed to feeling like a victim. Better yet I now knew how to prevent it from happening again. I understood when to give and when to say no without guilt. My sugar jar is in much better shape, thank you Yasmine!

[Jae · Rating 5 out of 5]

"It's hard to share what you need when you don't know how you feel. And it's hard to share how you feel when you don't feel safe doing it". This was one of my favorite quotes from the book that really stuck with me. I am a avid reader, and I love a good self help book, and this is one one of my favorites. Read the book!

Even if you have read books on boundaries before, I'm confident that you can take away some new things with this book. I personally loved the scenarios that most of use don't even think about that we have likely all experienced, and it felt like Yasmine was walking along side me and truly understand my challenges. I found myself saying wow ALOT, especially when she talked about how she didn't know that she could forgive herself...WOW

Do yourself a favor and BUY the book. This is a classic that you will want to hold onto.

[P.M.G. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was one of the better books my care team has assigned alongside working with "Spoon Theory" to help manage heat-to-toe burnout. I wasn't unfamiliar with the concept of boundaries but struggled with the idea if setting them "wrong" - especially when they're deemed to be aggressive or negative. I deeply appreciated the chapter that acknowledges and really put words to how healing as a Black/POC person IS different. I'm thankful that conversations about spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity are finally being included in books centered around wellness.

The prompts and exercises throughout were extremely helpful to cultivate a better understanding of my limits and to better anticipate when I'd need a break from everything. Quite fee of them will be helpful for me to revisit as journal prompts as I adjust moving forward. Thankful to have this one on the shelf!

[KBeautiful1 · Rating 5 out of 5]

***Audiobook***

This book is right on time. I was supposed to go to her book reading back in January but didn't make it unfortunately but being able to listen to the audiobook was amazing.

The Sugar Jar speaks to how we give, give, give and give again until there is nothing left and it leaves us exhausted, depleted, angry, lost and feeling hopeless. Author Yasmine Cheyenne gives us help by teaching us how to replenish our Sugar Jar, how to be careful of who is dipping in it, how to guard our peace and learning to take better care of ourselves.

This is such a wonderful book and I will get in either a Kindle format or hardcover/paperback.

I highly recommend this book.

Well Until My Next Review...Ciao!

[Nyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this one! Great balance of metaphor laying over real-life examples, and I especially loved the focus on individuality and how the concepts apply to each person in a different way--a way that they choose. Far too many sticky notes on this one to write down my favorite lines (a sign that it's probably a good book to revisit in the future).

Ps: Bummed to see some sloppy editing on this one (are we really fine with comma splices?).
Pss: Other reviews said there was too much emphasis on the Sugar Jar metaphor. I did not find it that way at all, and, in fact, laughed because... I don't know... that is the title of the book?

[K.R. Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

I believe I found this author through a podcast, and once I'd heard the author speak, I knew I wanted to hear more. I went to her social media and read a few quotes - that had me hooked. I grabbed the sample, and then bought the whole book.

According to my Kindle, I made 217 notes and highlights throughout this book; many of which were multiple paragraphs long. Going through my own divorce, losing my house and my cats, unlearning a lot of the things I'd been taught to believe about being a 'good girl' and although I'm no newbie to a lot of these lessons, this book was a mixture of powerful reminders and new takes on old messages.

There were parts that felt less-relevant to me, and in fact one chapter she states is written for a specific person, but I read it to help me understand what others might experience as well as taking the foundational lessons I believe can apply to many of us. I found the questions at the end of each chapter thought-provoking, and can see this metaphor of the sugar jar (and the kitchen it lives in) being a great one for anyone, but especially women in our current times.

There were definitely a few times I had to re-read a bit to check the meaning, or she used a phrase I wasn't familiar with, but in terms of the takeaways, I give this book 5 stars.

[Robin Dambreville · Rating 5 out of 5]

I turned 30 in July and was feeling at my wits end… I picked up The Sugar Jar and my healing journey began. I started looking at my relationships more, I started trying to figure out what I want out of life. For so long I’ve put myself on the back burner bc I thought that’s what I needed to do to survive, ignore my wants and desires. Say yes to everyone and everything bc I didn’t know what I wanted for myself and bc I didn’t know I assumed others would want the best FOR me. Whew, I won’t get into details, but The Sugar Jar isn’t about what others do to you, but what you accept from them and I was accepted all the BS. I’m learning and holding myself accountable for MY life.

[Court · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so inspiring, and a very visual look into healing. Which is incredible for those of us who are literal, and often put other before ourselves, it gives a visual measurement to the care we need to pour back into ourselves to be full for others. I gifted several copies to friends. It’s important to read the book in full, entirely. The chapter on black healing gave me insight to be a better ally and support to my friends, coworkers, and loved ones. Yasmine is my favorite follow on Instagram and I will continue to listen to her podcast and purchase any future books she puts out.

[byte_size_sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I borrowed this book, judging by the title, thinking it were about sugar and nutrition.

Only to discover the sugar jar to be a metaphor for your personal energy and establishing boundaries (eg your kitchen, jar and lid). Definitely a good read and a timely reminder for myself to have boundaries with certain people, and that boundaries with each person can/will be different.

Maybe its just my season of life, but this book hit home.

My take aways
- You are not responsible for how others will react to your boundaries
- The comfort of others is not greater than your needs